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Nofer Trunnions
February 8, 2011 7:40 AM   Subscribe

For a number of years now work has been proceding in order to bring to the crudely conceived idea of a transmission that would not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase detractors, but would also be capable of automaticaly synchronizing cardinal grammeters. Such an instrument is the turbo encabulator.

First described by J.H. Quick in the 1942 edition of Electrical Engineers Students Quarterly Journal, and popularized by Detroit's Bud Taggart, the Turbo-encabulator generates power through the medial interaction of magneto-reluctance and capacitive directance, as every high-school student knows.

Needless to say, such an incredible device has revolutionized industry, though the turbo encabulator's inner workings only periodically enters the public sphere.

What the experts have to say.
(Collection of videos and spec. sheet)

Order yours todaylater!
posted by Orange Pamplemousse (65 comments total) 24 users marked this as a favorite

 
As a famous Roman once said, "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Cras vehicula mauris sit amet est tincidunt ultrices. Nulla facilisi. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Quisque vel justo a risus porta luctus. Nunc quis ligula sed ipsum sollicitudin dapibus quis sit amet risus."
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 7:47 AM on February 8, 2011 [9 favorites]


Almost but not quite. Something about the delivery being a little too modulated. I like the screen artifacts, though.
posted by jquinby at 7:49 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Is this a joke? Or are these people actually somehow not aware of my paper which shows conclusively that the malleability of a logarithmic casing actually exhibits Laplacian decay toward an asymptotically oscillatory node distribution when the best linear model of the spurving alignment has a fit coefficient greater than the lubricity of the pseudoaxle joint vortices?
posted by Wolfdog at 7:52 AM on February 8, 2011 [17 favorites]


jquinby, I think he's trying to mimic a scientific presentation in the first link. Try this one for a different "feel".
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 7:54 AM on February 8, 2011


Wow, I am really surprised that this goes back to the 40s. I guess engineering jargon hasn't changed as much I thought.
posted by DU at 7:55 AM on February 8, 2011


This was always my favorite.
posted by docpops at 7:55 AM on February 8, 2011 [4 favorites]


My encabulator is just naturally aspirated :(
posted by WinnipegDragon at 7:56 AM on February 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


My favorite youtube comment so far:

I'm sorry to announce this guy's hydrosylator discombulated minutes after this videographticalliter was infracted. There were no survivors.
posted by chambers at 8:00 AM on February 8, 2011 [3 favorites]



posted by googly at 8:00 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


I like the Rockwell guy - the illustrative hand motions are exquisite, and the beat as he opens a panel revealing the magic under the hood....this guy is pure gold.
posted by Xoebe at 8:01 AM on February 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


OK, that didn't work.
posted by googly at 8:02 AM on February 8, 2011


Amateurs. I built one of these for a high school science fair, but I got beat out by some boy scout who tried to make a nuclear reactor out of smoke alarms.

The real trick is to reverse the feed on the turboencabulator to derive a potential flux from the generalized Hall effect of the surrounding environment. If you can get that, and integrate it with a sufficiently high-torque coupling, then you can provide a moment to other mechanisms downstream, especially if you're working in the complex plane. Unfortunately, due to the forward-linearity of the capacitative directance, the high negative-q generated by the system tends to rapidly cause breakdown of the magnetostatic field, resulting in a catastrophic entropy discontinuity jump.
posted by backseatpilot at 8:07 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


And now they're self-propagating.
posted by artof.mulata at 8:10 AM on February 8, 2011


Anybody have any experience retrofitting one of those encabulators for an old manually-driven fingerbox?
posted by penduluum at 8:10 AM on February 8, 2011


Yeah, I have to give it to the Rockwell guy. They obviously had more budget, but there are so many brilliant touches. It absolutely reeks of a trade show demo video. And I know it's less traditional, but I think that the mysterious electrical service panel racks are a better medium than an immediately recognizable transmission.
posted by CaseyB at 8:14 AM on February 8, 2011


an immediately recognizable transmission

Ah, yes. Immediately recognizable. Right. Of course.

Although I think the Chrysler guy did mention that it was some sort of transmission component
posted by schmod at 8:16 AM on February 8, 2011


Encabulator? You asymmetrically spurved her to the orthographic capacitive rechambering rod.
posted by cortex at 8:18 AM on February 8, 2011 [4 favorites]


I think that the mysterious electrical service panel racks are a better medium than an immediately recognizable transmission.

I hadn't really thought about it until you said this, but I'm not sure I agree. I think the mysterious panels match the text very well. That is, the panels are just as mysterious as the words. But a simple(r) mechanical device might actually be funnier when paired with the jargon. Like, imagine him holding up a paperclip as the turbo-encabulator and pointing out the various features.
posted by DU at 8:28 AM on February 8, 2011


"We are two very good tailors and after many years of research we have invented an extraordinary method to weave a cloth so light and fine that it looks invisible. As a matter of fact it is invisible to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its quality."
posted by caddis at 8:30 AM on February 8, 2011


Flux capacitor: fluxing.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:33 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


I think the mysterious panels match the text very well.

I think it's hilarious, now seeing the older version of this routine, that the new version is a big as a car, and was originally designed to be inside a transmission.

I had only seen the new Rockwell version, and I love that they are building even more gags into it.
posted by chambers at 8:35 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sure, sure, but just you try reversing the polarity on one of these things.

It ain't good.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:35 AM on February 8, 2011


Previously (now dead eBaumsworld link from 2004).

Previous Askme question.

Both links have a bit of history about the video.
posted by bonehead at 8:37 AM on February 8, 2011


Hey guys I'm trying to learn Japanese and I'm translating this for practice but can someone help me I'm having trouble finding "ambifacient lunar waneshaft" or "annular grillage coefficient" in my E-to-J dictionary cool thx for the help
posted by dubitable at 8:38 AM on February 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


reading that first sentence was like a "time cube" moment.
posted by liza at 8:43 AM on February 8, 2011


Oh christ, the vectors are propagating off the grid again, I'm going to need a right-handed EM flux torque wrench. Should be one in the cabinet with the prop wash. Mind the brass rats!
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:44 AM on February 8, 2011


Rockwell International. Weren't they a band back in the 80s? The drummer had amazing hair.
posted by philip-random at 8:47 AM on February 8, 2011


it'll never work - what he's forgotten is that there are only a finite amount of fnords in the universe
posted by pyramid termite at 8:47 AM on February 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.
posted by crunchland at 8:55 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Errors in the sub-emissive polarity sphere!
posted by brand-gnu at 8:55 AM on February 8, 2011


Needs more blinkenlichten, also, can I interface this with my VX Module to get my delta to exceed Yalgeth's limit?
posted by Reverend John at 8:57 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Its a market of 5 billion potential customers, folks! Step right up to get your globapplifimobicator right here.
posted by infini at 9:00 AM on February 8, 2011


mornington crescent
posted by jpziller at 9:02 AM on February 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Both gentlemen completely gloss over the need to cravisham the umbestembar housing. Failure to do that will cause the muffler bearings to overheat.

Complicated subjects are complicated for a reason.
posted by mosk at 9:08 AM on February 8, 2011


what he's forgotten is that there are only a finite amount of fnords in the universe

Jesus, read the FAQ. They're using Burton-Swayze Engineering's model 500j plasmodic filtering units to establish a fnord reuptake cycle after the exothermic translation stage.

I mean, how do you think they're controlling for biaxial chronosyncronic variation? Unicorn wishes?
posted by cortex at 9:10 AM on February 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


Man, these are sooo old.

You should see the piezo-optic encabulators we have here at work. They're rated to 57,000 microhenrys.
posted by GuyZero at 9:18 AM on February 8, 2011


All I need to tell you about the turbo encabulator is its location: in the core of the starboard power coupling.

(To help delaminate phase harmonics in the 14th subspace band, the port power coupling employs a simpler grunion encabulator)
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:25 AM on February 8, 2011


Crudely conceived? They're being modest. It's a testament to the essential, simple quality of the design that the overall approach to encabulation has hardly changed in over sixty years. I think it's fair to say that as long as there are grammeters to synchronize, there will be a turbo encabulator phase detracting away.
posted by monocyte at 9:26 AM on February 8, 2011


Seriously guys I'm starting to think this is all just made up stuff and I think maybe you guys are making some stuff up too
posted by dubitable at 9:27 AM on February 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


Damn. They beat me to it by thismuch!
posted by Splunge at 9:30 AM on February 8, 2011


completely gloss over the need to cravisham the umbestembar housing.

Are you kidding? You might as well weld the thing shut and trash it at the first sign of overstress in the thermal uptake. You want to have the customers running to Dynaptic Systems for these things, because they can't even open it to check if its just needs adjustment in the selectric conversion rotor after 14,000 cycles?

Any sales loss the company may receive with building a long lasting product would be easily offset by offering a upgrade from the old muffler bearings to the new omnirotational stress compensating heat sinks. Have you seen the structural thermal dynamic range of those sinks? I could put one in my kitchen oven, set it on broil, and have a box that cleanly burns natural gas with no heating whatsoever. Maybe not my oven, as I use propane and that would cause a cascading thermal collision event, and I don't need another lawsuit from those marketing guys who met a rather unfortunate, violent end in the corporate breakroom a few years back. I asked them to write a commercial, not take the demo unit and show off to the visiting European manufacturing conglomerate. The state department is still on my ass about that. I can't go to Belgium anymore because they want to arrest me. I liked Belgium, dammit.
posted by chambers at 9:38 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


I liked Belgium

I could believe reversing the feed to derive a potential flux from the generalized Hall effect, but this?
posted by Wolfdog at 9:50 AM on February 8, 2011


You should see the piezo-optic encabulators we have here at work. They're rated to 57,000 microhenrys.

Sure, until the phase-subphase invert toshers get one one micron out of alignment with the pro-A induction ring. Hope you have the MSDS handy and Hazmat on speed dial!
posted by WinnipegDragon at 9:52 AM on February 8, 2011


Sure, until the phase-subphase invert toshers get one one micron out of alignment with the pro-A induction ring.

Dude, they're self-aligning.

Obviously no one wants to have their induction rings delaminating.
posted by GuyZero at 9:53 AM on February 8, 2011


Learn from the Master:
“Ok, I don’t like to gear my material to the audience but I’d like to make an exception because I was told that there is a convention of plumbers in San Francisco this week – I understand about 30 of them came down to the show tonight – so before I came out I worked up a joke especially for the plumbers. Those of you who aren’t plumbers probably won’t get this and won’t think it’s funny, but I think those of you who are plumbers will really enjoy this…

“This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job and he started working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ gangly wrench. Just then, this little apprentice leaned over and said, “You can’t work on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ wrench.” Well this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual, and he reads to him and says, “The Langstrom 7″ wrench can be used with the Findlay sprocket.” Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, “It says sprocket not socket!”
-Steve Martin
via this guy's blog
posted by Mister_A at 9:54 AM on February 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


I could believe reversing the feed to derive a potential flux from the generalized Hall effect, but this?

Belgium's European conglomerate was the main source of the Yttrium wafers we use to configure the synchronizing cardinal grammeters. Who gets us the anodized aluminum with infused isotopic argon cores in our ambifacient lunar waneshafts? The conglomerate. We don't ask how, or where they get it, they just do.

It all maybe clear and precise math back in the lab, but out in the world you can't just go to some mine in Utah and start asking for billinear wafered coils of Technetium. You'll need more than just wishing to get those crates of rare elements for your precious turbo encabulator matrix arrays past all the government red tape and sanctions.
posted by chambers at 10:09 AM on February 8, 2011


The Russians build them better for one tenth the price, but they're cramped and smell like the interior of a a wet Ford.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:13 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sure, I suppose these turbo encabulators are all well and good for your trendy flash-in-the-pan digital applications, but give me a good old analog framostat any day.
posted by FelliniBlank at 10:35 AM on February 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Dude, they're self-aligning.

Obviously no one wants to have their induction rings delaminating.


Whoa whoa whoa... You mean you have the model THX-1138 from Skynet Systems? I didn't even think those were on the market yet!

I'll tell you what, if those new hydrostatic wampus ferrules are all they are cracked up to be, I might just upgrade.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 10:47 AM on February 8, 2011


Sure, I suppose these turbo encabulators are all well and good for your trendy flash-in-the-pan digital applications, but give me a good old analog framostat any day.
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:35 PM on February 8 [+] [!]


Would you look at this fucking hipster!
posted by WinnipegDragon at 10:47 AM on February 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Parping couplet (Fry + Laurie hardware shop sketch)
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:08 AM on February 8, 2011 [2 favorites]




I was so disappointed this isn't real. I read the original post and thought, "Wow! A whole field I know absolutely nothing about, I can't even understand what it's talking about! I love when MetaFilter introduces me to something absolutely new like this!"

Then I started reading the thread and was sad.

But then I clicked the link and watched the video and was happy. So fun to see someone doing this that long ago.
posted by straight at 11:44 AM on February 8, 2011


I'm getting some coaxial flutter in the unit.
posted by infinitywaltz at 11:57 AM on February 8, 2011


For me I was willing to believe right up till he said wobulator. And if that hadn't already tipped me off gonkulator sealed the deal. Wonderful stuff.
posted by scalefree at 12:04 PM on February 8, 2011


Nice find namewithoutwords. Looks like I mispelled Bud's name.
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 12:25 PM on February 8, 2011


...although it is spelled Taggert here.

Odd.
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 12:26 PM on February 8, 2011


It's like if Star Trek were set in the present.
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 12:38 PM on February 8, 2011 [4 favorites]


I liked Belgium

I could believe reversing the feed to derive a potential flux from the generalized Hall effect, but this?


What can I say, it was Tuesday...
posted by infini at 1:40 PM on February 8, 2011


Such an instrument is the turbo encabulator.

Hey, we had one of those at home, but the wheel fell off.
posted by HiroProtagonist at 5:33 PM on February 8, 2011


Last year at Burning Man someone brought along a steampunk encabulator that she'd built herself with a hand-cranked rotary grammeter synchrotron. She called it "Professor von Krankenwagen's Sporadically Phasing Encabulatrix." (Bit inaccurate, really, but you know these structural catastrophists and their flair for contrafibularious nomenclature.)

We all got a huge bang out of using it to balance out the axial spin on the morphographs-- you know how they always get horribly disenfluxed by day three? Not any more!
posted by Pallas Athena at 3:50 AM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Got a "huge bang" out of it, eh? I'll bet you did, I'll bet you did!
posted by Wolfdog at 7:34 AM on February 9, 2011


Is this some kind of meme? Where did it come from? I hate mysteryposts where everybody plays along in the comments.
posted by tehloki at 9:32 AM on February 9, 2011


loki: On the off chance that you're not meta-joking on the jokeyness of in-jokes: Wiki

Short answer: It's a pre-interweb meme.
posted by Eideteker at 9:43 AM on February 9, 2011


I hate mysteryposts where everybody plays along in the comments.

I can sympathize with that. It used to be even more frustrating in the 80s when there were only BBSes, and trying to find out what the hell 'fnord' was. Where can you start to find out? The library? Only sideways references there. It was an obtuse reference/callsign among a small portion of people who enjoy and support it being obtuse. Aaaaargh. Everyone else knew, and no one would tell me what it was. I was only 12 or so then, and it made me feel like being the victim of older bullies playing keep-away, even though those keeping it secret was not malicious in it's intent. Although comparatively, it was more evolved and nuanced than the "STFU Noob" responses kids get today.

Finally, one cool dude named Bob took me aside and let me in on what it's about, and then I saw it's mark all over the place, and that was a cool moment.
posted by chambers at 8:51 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


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