Cheatsheet of Freedom

February 15, 2011 6:47 PM

Scene-by-scene summaries of Red Dawn (1, 2, 3), The Fountainhead (1, 2, 3), Left Behind (1, 2, 3), Battle In Seattle (1, 2, 3), Rambo III (1, 2, 3, 4) and This Revolution (1, 2, 3).

Bonus: chapter-by-chapter summary of Glenn Beck's Overton Window (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17).

posted by Theta States (41 comments total)

Of these, I've only seen Red Dawn, and it really is beyond parody. The writer makes a valiant effort at the impossible, though.
posted by KGMoney at 7:01 PM on February 15, 2011

Whatever else you want to say about it, King Vidor's film adaptation of The Fountainhead was a faithful interpretation of its source material. [With terrific art direction as a bonus.]

Was he supposed to do something else?
posted by Joe Beese at 7:01 PM on February 15, 2011

The "CLICK HERE: Learn to Protect Your Family from the Falling Dollar" ad that showed up in this thread before I logged in was both apropos and creepy.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:07 PM on February 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

PLATE OF BEANS!
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:10 PM on February 15, 2011

WOLVERBEEAAAANS!
posted by loquacious at 7:15 PM on February 15, 2011 [14 favorites]

I was 16 years old when Red Dawn was in the theater. Saw it opening night. My friends and I absolutely believed the commies were coming over the line, and that we'd go out in a blaze of glory, just like our hero, Patrick Swayze.

Patrick. Fucking. Swayze.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:50 PM on February 15, 2011 [2 favorites]

Aw, come on. Does "Battle in Seattle" really belong with the rest?
posted by Burhanistan at 7:51 PM on February 15, 2011

Do you realize what you've done, Slacktivist?

Linked from that first installment of the Left Behind movie recap is this, a still-in-progress, years-in-the-writing critical commentary on on the book series.

It's like a more literate version of Mark Reads, with less 'WHAT THE FUCK. SHIT JUST GOT REAL!'

This is going to destroy my free time... and I think I'm gonna like it.
posted by The Confessor at 7:53 PM on February 15, 2011 [3 favorites]

(Should have previewed. Obviously meant to target the OP with that initial accusatory question, and not the author of the Left Behind recaps.)
posted by The Confessor at 7:55 PM on February 15, 2011

To my lingering shame as a child of the 80's, I've never seen Red Dawn. I've seen so many other fine films (even the most obscure of the Swayze ouevre, Steel Dawn), but never Red Dawn. I fear the greatness of the film has been built up so much, were I to watch it now, I would be unable to truly enjoy it. I must continue my lonely journey.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:56 PM on February 15, 2011

Wow, s/he actually watched Left Behind twice! I'm surprised s/he didn't hemorrhage.
I never *got* the whole Left Behind thing, as it says that 142,380,000 people got Raptored
*squints*
...Raptured, which is a hell of a lot more than the 144,000 mentioned in the Official Version, so like that's wrong, and really, why the fuck bother with anything else like the Antichrist or rebuilding a temple or stuff when the whole plot's spoilered in the Bible.

Lucifer: "I'm totally going to win this!"
Person with a Brain: "Dude, you're totally *not* - see here? God ganks your ass right before..."
Lucifer: "Oh, piss off. I have understanding.
P.w.a.B: "Uh, understanding of what?
Lucifer: "Digital watches."*

You know he's the Antichrist cos he's doing a little scoping here. Busted!

Srsly, watching a frillion people get Raptored would rock pretty hard.
posted by Zack_Replica at 8:04 PM on February 15, 2011

I always wonder who does the rankings for these movies when they appear on television. I'm sorry, but you just cannot give Red Dawn one star. One fucking star?! It's a masterpiece. Even if it is dumb, we still watched it and it affected us. So many movies like that - classics in their own way and then the little tv guide thing shows one or two stars. Get off my lawn whatever kid is doing those star ratings! Fucker.
posted by cashman at 8:07 PM on February 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

***spoiler*** Sarah Jessica Parker dies. I loved that movie.
posted by wv kay in ga at 8:09 PM on February 15, 2011

Even if it is dumb

Just to state the obvious, this is the primary reason why this movie isn't considered good.

Of course, the bad acting, shitty writing and terrible production quality doesn't help either. It affected me alright, by making me puke in my mouth a little.
posted by IvoShandor at 8:11 PM on February 15, 2011 [2 favorites]

the "digital watches" would be better served going to this link, maybe...
posted by Zack_Replica at 8:14 PM on February 15, 2011

WOLVERINES suck!
posted by Artw at 8:24 PM on February 15, 2011

Just because something's entertaining doesn't mean it's good.
posted by JaredSeth at 8:28 PM on February 15, 2011

I also, class of 1985, have never seen Red Dawn. This may be the only thing I can be proud of.
posted by maxwelton at 9:26 PM on February 15, 2011

They keep mentioning that the movies are bad riot porn, but never cite examples of good riot porn.

This is something I would like to watch.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:32 PM on February 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

They keep mentioning that the movies are bad riot porn, but never cite examples of good riot porn.

This is something I would like to watch.

The Battle of Algiers comes to mind.
posted by nasreddin at 9:43 PM on February 15, 2011 [3 favorites]

Whatever else you want to say about it, King Vidor's film adaptation of The Fountainhead was a faithful interpretation of its source material. [With terrific art direction as a bonus.]

Was he supposed to do something else?
posted by Joe Beese at 10:01 PM on February 15 [+] [!]

Well, he should've never let Ayn Rand do the screenplay for one thing, but I think it was the only way he could make the movie, and man, I for one am glad she did the screenplay. It's the most labored cheesy crap dialogue this side of Starship Troopers. The woman just did not know how to get to the point. Granted she was a writer of novels, but someone really needed to belt her one and teach her to shut the hell up like a good little girl will do in the big strong sexy hands of a real man, a real individual, a DEMIGOD EVEN.

Ho ho ho.

(Oops. Got carried away there. Us self-made uber-mensch tend to do that. Ayn understands that thankfully.)

Anyhow, Joe. I agree the art direction and the photography is truly exceptional and Peck did a good job with the flawed dialogue. I don't think he meant his big speech though in the way Rand intended.

I wonder how many Randian uber-mensch would like her novels if they were all "art directed" as steeped in Modernism, Russian Constructivism and Futurist Art Deco Hollywood black and white.
posted by Skygazer at 9:49 PM on February 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

>good riot porn

City Lights, Battleship Potemkin, Day of the Locust, Gimme Shelter.
posted by Skygazer at 9:55 PM on February 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

Aw, come on. Does "Battle in Seattle" really belong with the rest?

Yes. It is terrible.
posted by eugenen at 10:10 PM on February 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

The only reason I'm buying Homefront when it comes out next month is because it's written by the author/director of Red Dawn, John Milius. I fully expect it will be the most unintentionally amusing video game I will play this year.
posted by longdaysjourney at 11:00 PM on February 15, 2011

Cool Papa Bell: "I was 16 years old when Red Dawn was in the theater. Saw it opening night. My friends and I absolutely believed the commies were coming over the line, and that we'd go out in a blaze of glory, just like our hero, Patrick Swayze.

Patrick. Fucking. Swayze"

I'll go along with that.

On a related note, some actors have perfect names for emphasis.

Such as: William. Fucking. Shatner.
posted by bwg at 11:09 PM on February 15, 2011

This even works with total. Fucking. Assholes.

Jon. Fucking. Voight.

Adam. Fucking. Baldwin.

Victoria. Fucking. Jackson. (Which, incidentally, is the title of my next adult film.)
posted by IvoShandor at 2:36 AM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

-examples of good riot porn

The beginning of Jin Roh is a very good example
posted by ts;dr at 3:11 AM on February 16, 2011

WOLVERINES suck!

artw (or perhaps, COMRADE artw), WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:00 AM on February 16, 2011

Honorable mention: The Shakesville Overton Window Recaps:

I'm going to need your help here. I can't make heads or tails of this sentence: "Scent appeals to the most primitive of the five basic senses." What is the author saying here? That scent appeals to our sense of smell? I'm pretty sure most of us know that. Even if I didn't know that, I think I'd pretty easily deduce that scent does not appeal to one's sense of hearing.
posted by Tubalcain at 6:18 AM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

The most important thing to know about Red Dawn, is that Col. Bella, the sympathetic Cuban officer, is played by Ron O'Neal, who was also Youngblood Priest in Superfly.

Also, Red Dawn was directed by John Milius, who writes/directs ridiculously awesome movies. That is, movies that are both ridiculous and awesome. He was also the inspiration for John Goodman's character, Walter, from the Big Lebowski.
posted by electroboy at 6:39 AM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm amused that Red Dawn is hailed by the right and reviled by the left. Am I the only one who saw a re-dress of the Viet Nam war in red, white and blue?
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:03 AM on February 16, 2011

Of all of them, I'm most greatful for the Left Behind summary. I'm glad to know about it, and so much more glad to not have watched it myself.
posted by Theta States at 7:49 AM on February 16, 2011

"reviled by the left"

I'm a liberal and I loved Red Dawn. Ridiculously amusing and completely non-plausible alternate history invasion pr0n movie? Sign me up, bro!

I'm looking forward to more lulz with the remake. The Chinese are coming! The Chinese are coming!
posted by longdaysjourney at 7:52 AM on February 16, 2011

That remake looks fantastic. Have you seen the upcoming video game by the maker of Red Dawn?

The North Koreans are coming.
posted by Tubalcain at 8:23 AM on February 16, 2011

I saw Red Dawn as a teen, and I remember hating the movie. Why? Because there's a scene where the young girl is all upset, having lost her family (understandable) and the boy, possibly Patrick Swayze, tells her to swallow her tears and turn that fear and sadness into hate.

What. the. Fuck?

I think I need to see it again now and enjoy it for the parody of right-wing conservatism Patriot Act garbage it is. Boo, communists! Yay, Wolverines!

And then I'll watch the quite enjoyable The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming.
posted by misha at 9:16 AM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

> Yes. It is terrible.

I'm not saying "Battle for Seattle" is a particularly great piece of cinema, nor that it doesn't suffer from having a point of view, but it's about an actual event that people should rightly be concerned about and interested in knowing more. The rest of the movies are basically fear mongering fantasies.

Was it just me, or did "Red Dawn" seem chopped up to hell? A lot of scenes seem disconnected and lacking in context. There doesn't seem to be any director's cut available.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:50 AM on February 16, 2011

Behind the scenes trivia on "Red Dawn"
posted by Burhanistan at 10:17 AM on February 16, 2011

Isn't it past the time for a remake of "Red Dawn", updated. Maybe "Red, White and Blue Dawn"? I'm thinking of a small band of English-speaking Iraqis, including teenagers, resisting Arabic-speaking (but subtitled) invaders costumed as US Marines. Small changes to the original script might be necessary.
posted by fredludd at 6:26 PM on February 16, 2011

Is this the thread where I drop in to say I once was eating at a Wendy's on HWY 68 outside of Greensboro and C. Thomas Howell walked in with some MMA fighter and the guy's lady friend and I screamed "WOLVERINES!" and the actor was visibly annoyed but the patrons in the restaurant were greatly amused?

Yeah, that totally happened in 2007.
posted by sara is disenchanted at 7:09 PM on February 16, 2011

My favorite Red Dawn quote:

Jed Eckert: ...Well, who *is* on our side?
Col. Andy Tanner: Six hundred million screaming Chinamen.
Darryl Bates: Last I heard, there were a billion screaming Chinamen.
Col. Andy Tanner: There *were*.
[he throws whiskey on the fire; it ignites violently, suggesting a nuclear explosion]

I just always loved the way he paused before 'There *were*'. It's cheeserific!
posted by Bonzai at 7:42 PM on February 16, 2011

Isn't it past the time for a remake of "Red Dawn", updated.
posted by BrotherCaine at 8:24 PM on February 16, 2011