ex-Marine and gay grieving mother expose corruption in abandoned chocolate factory

February 16, 2011 10:41 AM

"An optimistic history professor and a Jewish organic farmer form a punk rock band in a UN refugee camp." -- "Three starry-eyed karaoke performers and a gay warlord start a girl's school in a Baltic village." -- "A starry-eyed high school journalism teacher and a mustachioed HAM radio operator follow their dreams on a leaky cabin cruiser." All this and more at the FALSE/FALSE FILM FEST.

Introducing the random documentary generator. Your suggestions are welcome.

Not to be confused with The True/False Film Fest.

posted by philip-random (30 comments total)

Yes, but do they fight crime?
posted by cortex at 10:49 AM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Force Boxman ftw.
posted by marienbad at 10:56 AM on February 16, 2011

Bare Bones

Five lonely Nazi theologians and four kazoo-playing process servers expose corruption at a summer camp in the Berkshires.
posted by Naberius at 10:57 AM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pessimistic ecomics professor and a lapsed Catholic form jazz duo at homeless shelter in Tacoma, Wa.
posted by Postroad at 10:58 AM on February 16, 2011

Methinks its pool of quirky cliches is a bit wee for the time being. All HAM everything.
posted by Beardman at 11:07 AM on February 16, 2011

Throw Gasoline On The Fire

An optimistic child soldier and four paraplegic history professors follow their dreams in the slums of Rio.
posted by unSane at 11:12 AM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Do Wop Diddy Diddy Do Wop

An Indian, a Kenyan and the next billion bop their way to rockstardom on the phone.
posted by infini at 11:15 AM on February 16, 2011

Mad Libs: the movie. Coming this fall.
posted by gimonca at 11:20 AM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

A gay puppeteer and seventeen starry-eyed goat herders survive a mountain-climbing disaster during wartime is good, but it really need to end with and later he fights a yeti.
posted by Wolfdog at 11:24 AM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

All of those sound like Bruce McCulloch's description of a Doors fan.
posted by NoMich at 11:25 AM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

KITH "Into the Doors" sketch. Brilliant!
posted by NoMich at 11:26 AM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

A litter of talking Malamute puppies get lost on the Alaskan tundra where they find a half-buried time travelling intelligent spaceship exposed by melting permafrost (caused by global warming) and use it to abduct Sarah Palin and Margaret Thatcher and wipe their memories and release them in Victorian England dressed as paupers in order to instill a sense of social justice in them and then return them to their own times with their memories restored so they will use their influence for progressive causes. At the end there's a big party and Jack Black is there as himself.
posted by longsleeves at 11:32 AM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

This post sounds like a Stefon sketch on SNL's Weekend Update.

"New York's hottest club is Twice. Don't be thrown if you're greated at the door by a rabbi that looks like Joaquin Phoenix. You're in the right place. Club owner Robert Blake has thought of everything: goths, carnival barkers, groups of guys with afros and graduation caps, human fire hydrants ..."
posted by zippy at 11:33 AM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Alarmist headlines on Fox News regarding misread 2nd hand information read in passing on the internets.
posted by Webbster at 11:35 AM on February 16, 2011

It seems to be closing in on itself:

A cat-loving nun and five Jewish climate skeptics pursue the mythical Narwhal in a water-stained West African hotel room.

Unless, of course, there's psychedelics involved.
posted by philip-random at 11:50 AM on February 16, 2011

zippy: "This post sounds like a Stefon sketch on SNL's Weekend Update. "

I made the worst noise trying to not laugh at this: fnurHURNNNRUNHUHHHRNRKS HURR DURRR HYYK HUKK HOO Frnnkkxxx. My coworkers thought I was having a stroke. The joke is OK, the holding it together is great.
posted by boo_radley at 11:54 AM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

awesome. I used to write the capsule previews for a college-town independent film series. Wherever possible, I would attempt to include the words '(a) touching coming-of-age story.' It seems to work even for these randomly generated capsules.

viz:

A cat-loving nun and five Jewish climate skeptics pursue the mythical Narwhal in a water-stained West African hotel room in this touching coming-of-age story.

A gay puppeteer and seventeen starry-eyed goat herders come of age during survive a mountain-climbing disaster during in this touching wartime comedy.

An optimistic child soldier and four paraplegic history professors follow their dreams in the slums of Rio in this touching coming-of-age story.

After thinking about it for a while, I realized it works because many films are like short stories: a character or set of characters faces a transformational challenge. "Coming-of-age story" is bland marketing-speak for overcoming that challenge.
posted by mwhybark at 12:06 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

At the end there's a big party and Jack Black is there as himself.

Of course, he's himself. It's a documentary, isn't it?
posted by philip-random at 12:14 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

A Pox On Both Your Houses

An optimistic child star and a gay puppeteer defy the state police to honor the memory of Michael Jackson.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 12:14 PM on February 16, 2011

a character or set of characters faces a transformational challenge. "Coming-of-age story" is bland marketing-speak for overcoming that challenge.

"poignant coming of age story" = younger person learns something, old (crusty but benign) person dies somewhere along the way. Humanoids from the deep invade the local beaches and impregnate young women. Actually, that last part usually doesn't happen.
posted by philip-random at 12:26 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sure are a lot of history professor movies. Last one I recall actually being made was Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.
posted by CCBC at 1:00 PM on February 16, 2011

I really hope this is the face that launches a thousand A Christmas Story slash fanfics.
posted by munchingzombie at 1:09 PM on February 16, 2011

that last part doesn't usually happen.

It does more than you think. They've been cut out of almost 35% of all coming of age movies since 1953, but have been left on the cutting room floor due to the secret conspiracy of the editor's guild. I'm working on a documentary on the Mole People and their struggle with the MPEG for acceptance in a world that wants to keep them and their socially awkward and generally frowned upon breeding habits buried.

It's difficult, with their hatred of bright lighting, and the occasional disappearance of gaffers and grips, and sometimes entire second units shooting film in their underground lairs, due to what I have been instructed by my lawyers to call 'misadventure.'

One day we will all be able to see movies like 'Stand By Me', 'Cinema Paradisio', and the tragically lost footage from 'Earnest Digs to China' in their originally intended versions.
posted by chambers at 1:13 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

Looking For A Needle In A Haystack

A dozen profanity-spewing puppeteers and an optimistic warlord uncover the terrible truth about yogurt at Burning Man.
posted by Celsius1414 at 1:14 PM on February 16, 2011

Ham radio isn't an acronym, people.
posted by dunkadunc at 1:19 PM on February 16, 2011

Knock It Out Of The Park
A mustachioed bike messenger and a kazoo-playing high school journalism teacher uncover the terrible truth about yogurt in the waning days of the Bush administration.
posted by xbonesgt at 1:41 PM on February 16, 2011

Are these supposed to be based on Charles Dickens' stories? Why is "Jewish" considered to be a significant character trait?
posted by Joe in Australia at 1:45 PM on February 16, 2011

This one almost sounds plausible:

"If You Can't Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Kitchen"

A family of Jewish organic farmers and an autistic ice cream parlor owner expose corruption at Burning Man.
posted by philip-random at 2:55 PM on February 16, 2011

chambers: "One day we will all be able to see movies like 'Stand By Me', 'Cinema Paradisio', and the tragically lost footage from 'Earnest Digs to China' in their originally intended versions."

So, in essence, Stand By Me with Zombies, etc?

Oh, perhaps we should frame it as Stand By Me with C.H.U.D, in order to streamline the supercuts. I'm seeing these as four-edit YT analogues to rageguy toons.
posted by mwhybark at 5:15 PM on February 16, 2011

Five washed-up New York Times op-ed columnists and seventeen egomaniacal gang members pursue their quixotic vision in an abandoned Cadbury chocolate factory.

My favorite so far.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:31 AM on February 17, 2011