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What you don't see
February 16, 2011 12:32 PM   Subscribe

Ogling. What really happens when your back is turned.
posted by Carillon (166 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

 
I wish we had a clearer photo of what the camera on her ass looked like.. seems like everyone is staring directly into the camera. Not that they wouldn't have been looking at her ass anyway. Pretty funny.
posted by ReeMonster at 12:36 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Everyone looks at the giant camera on your butt?
posted by muddgirl at 12:36 PM on February 16, 2011 [29 favorites]


Somehow I don't think that's what happens to the averagely attractive person.
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:36 PM on February 16, 2011


The fisheye lens makes this look like a bunch of outtakes from the video for Shake Your Rump.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:37 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'd like to see a side-by-side of that video (chick wearing jeans) with a video of the chick wearing these. Or would that defeat the purpose?
posted by phunniemee at 12:37 PM on February 16, 2011


"I'm not staring at your ass, I'm just looking for the hidden camera!"
posted by hermitosis at 12:38 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


Attention. What these ladies are really looking for.

Seriously, that camera is incredibly odd-looking and eyeball-drawing.
posted by uri at 12:39 PM on February 16, 2011


Yeah, I wonder what the setup looked like, how small the lens is. There's nothing on their youtube channel but on Twitter one of the women said they were producing a "how to" video so anyone else could record stuff in the same way.

But still, even if it was totally undetectable, this is pretty much what I see dudes doing most of the time women walk by. There weren't a lot of surprises here. A bra cam would capture much of the same thing.
posted by mathowie at 12:40 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


(Could the mods drop the true URL into the post? No need to filter it through Daring Fireball's shorturl system.)
posted by me3dia at 12:41 PM on February 16, 2011


I think everyone is probably checking everybody out, all the time.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:44 PM on February 16, 2011 [14 favorites]


And how many moments of people looking at something other than her ass were edited out to make the final product?
posted by Joe Beese at 12:45 PM on February 16, 2011 [6 favorites]


Everyone, the first few seconds of the video includes a shot of the setup. It's the part where a mirror is held up showing the camera in reflection. Looks pretty small.
posted by odinsdream at 12:45 PM on February 16, 2011


human nature 101.. i guess in a perfect world guys would look at the back of a woman's head after she passes? to appreciate her intellect, and stuff?
posted by ReeMonster at 12:45 PM on February 16, 2011 [27 favorites]


How much footage did they record to get 2 minutes of clips?

How about a couple of videos of other people wearing the cam? Would an average-looking person's results be any different, male or female?
posted by me3dia at 12:45 PM on February 16, 2011


This is Revolutionary!


OK, maybe not.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:46 PM on February 16, 2011


I felt like everyone was looking at me. With their eyes.
posted by Aquaman at 12:46 PM on February 16, 2011 [6 favorites]


First, they started selling shorts with product names on the back, a ludicrous form of "assvertising" that took some of our nation's pristine national treasures and sullied them with marketing.

Now, they are strapping cameras to those same asses, effectively destroying a person's ability to enjoy a moment of serenity with something simple, perfect and beautiful.

IS NOTHING SACRED?
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:46 PM on February 16, 2011 [6 favorites]


this is pretty much what I see dudes doing most of the time women walk by.

Yeah. Thinking they're all smooth and discreet GUESS WHAT GUYS NO YOU ARE NOT SMOOTH.


And yeah, ladies look at butts too. Everyone looks at butts.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:46 PM on February 16, 2011 [11 favorites]


So, Gizmodo still hasn't reversed/fixed their redesign?
posted by mccarty.tim at 12:47 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Is this the thread where we can discuss the monumentally shitty Gawker redesign?

It's shitty. Monumentally so.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:47 PM on February 16, 2011 [27 favorites]


Yeah, I looked. I was trying to figure out why you had a camera on your ass.
posted by found missing at 12:48 PM on February 16, 2011


I think the people would have to be looking closely at her butt to notice the camera on the street. On the escalator, though, I would think the camera would be more obvious. I think it all balances out. And obviously they're going to cut out all the footage that doesn't have ogling in it. This is just a bit of fun.
posted by majonesing at 12:48 PM on February 16, 2011


muddgirl: "Everyone looks at the giant camera on your butt?"

The asscam is a scam.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 12:49 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


Apparently, even Jesus ogles the butt.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 12:49 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


I think the lady at :47 is wishign Miss Bootycam would walk her booty up the escalator.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:49 PM on February 16, 2011 [11 favorites]


Also: who doesn't end up staring at the butt of someone ahead of them on an escalator for at least a second or two? It's practically impossible.
posted by me3dia at 12:49 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Yeah. Thinking they're all smooth and discreet GUESS WHAT GUYS NO YOU ARE NOT SMOOTH.

I have to assume that some guys just don't care about being smooth. They want to get caught looking, first at a girl's breasts, and then at her ass (I say girl because in my experience, the age of the object does not matter - just anatomy). Maybe they have some porn scenario in their head where the girl catches them looking and pulls them into the bathroom for a blowjob. Kind of sad and pathetic, now that I think about it.
posted by muddgirl at 12:50 PM on February 16, 2011


We look, sure, but we hold back the primitive urge to sniff.
posted by perhapses at 12:50 PM on February 16, 2011 [13 favorites]


Where are all the flip-offs?
posted by boo_radley at 12:50 PM on February 16, 2011


this is not what happens when my back is turned
posted by MangyCarface at 12:51 PM on February 16, 2011


BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVES? I AM OUTRAGED.
posted by entropicamericana at 12:51 PM on February 16, 2011 [5 favorites]


coworker noted: "What irony that 'gawker decries ogling'."
posted by boo_radley at 12:52 PM on February 16, 2011 [8 favorites]


I suppose that if this was to be more than a stunt, they could do this with a cross section of men and women and compare the results. I would assume that to varying degrees, most women do get oggled. I'm assuming men get oggled as well, to varying degrees. I'm not sure what to do with that data. Er. What is the point?
posted by Stagger Lee at 12:52 PM on February 16, 2011


the best part about checking out an ass is when you do it at the exact same time as another random guy and afterward you make eye contact and there is this moment of shameless lecherous ass solidarity that transcends age, race, class and culture
posted by nathancaswell at 12:53 PM on February 16, 2011 [85 favorites]


Maybe they have some porn scenario in their head where the girl catches them looking and pulls them into the bathroom for a blowjob.

An infinite number of men ogling an infinite number of asses will inevitably result in a bathroom blowjob.
posted by Joe Beese at 12:54 PM on February 16, 2011 [5 favorites]


Lechery, lechery! Still, wars and lechery: nothing else holds fashion. A burning devil take them!
posted by COBRA! at 12:54 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]




this is not what happens when my back is turned

Of course, some of us do the opposite.
posted by Stagger Lee at 12:55 PM on February 16, 2011


Maybe they have some porn scenario in their head where the girl catches them looking and pulls them into the bathroom for a blowjob.

Dear Penthouse Forum...
posted by birdherder at 12:55 PM on February 16, 2011


The ass serves basically no biological purpose; it's pretty much just there to be looked at.

It's almost like nature wants us to have sex with each other or something.
posted by Afroblanco at 12:56 PM on February 16, 2011 [11 favorites]


Now you're not laughing at my burqa.
posted by found missing at 12:56 PM on February 16, 2011


The ass serves basically no biological purpose; it's pretty much just there to be looked at.

Yeah, I've often wondered what the appeal is. My only guess is that the ass leads to the more important thing, so that's why people find them so pretty.
posted by Melismata at 12:57 PM on February 16, 2011


Ass-looking Jesus was a plant but might oughta become a symbol for post-evangelicalism anyway.
posted by rahnefan at 12:57 PM on February 16, 2011


Cos we look.
posted by rahnefan at 12:58 PM on February 16, 2011


Jesus rode an ass. Check your bibles.
posted by found missing at 12:58 PM on February 16, 2011 [9 favorites]


The ass serves basically no biological purpose


Unless you consider walking upright a biological purpose.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:58 PM on February 16, 2011 [23 favorites]


The ass serves basically no biological purpose

My 8th grade geography teacher once told us that Africans tend to have larger butts because they function much like humps on a camel, storing water and energy (fat) for long periods of starvation in the desert.

I knew it sounded odd but I was too young to shout DAS RACIST in the classroom like I should have.
posted by mathowie at 12:58 PM on February 16, 2011 [20 favorites]


What is the point of this? I'd genuinely like to know what message the authors of the video are trying to get across.

Is it supposed to be some kind of comedy thing?
That one bit of the guy dressed as Jesus looking was funny.

Is it a message against the objectification of people?
Seems counter-productive since the video objectifies the people recorded in the video.

Is it an attempt to embarrass people?
Possibly, but that seems a bit malicious.

Is this an attempt to create a viral video as a means of self promotion?
This seems most likely to me. The bio and profile on YouTube and Twitter says they're models and actresses. Maybe this is the viral introduction to some new hidden-camera show? Or maybe these ladies are just trying to make a name for themselves.
posted by ruthsarian at 1:00 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Mathowie, it's a real thing called Steatopygia though its purpose is controversial. It's not just in Africans either.
posted by melissam at 1:01 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


I'm pretty sure I feel more sorry for the guys who, like me, are trying to figure out how to use the method not found exception in ruby, or thinking about homopolar magnetic bearings, and completely miss looking at a nice ass.

Dont' get me wrong, I have experienced almost every nice ass scenario (except having one), but I'm just too spacey to participate adequately in most of the mating game most of the time.
posted by poe at 1:02 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


In seriousness, a shapely posterior is actually considered a good indicator of health and fertility. We're hard wired to check 'em out.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:02 PM on February 16, 2011


It is an attempt to show what people are doing when they think you can't see them. Isn't that enough of a point by itself?
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:02 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


I don't know, most of those looks seemed more WTF than *ogle*.
posted by oneirodynia at 1:02 PM on February 16, 2011


That was shot in my neighborhood. I'm glad to report I am not in it.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:04 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


I noticed, on review, when they were checking the setup in the mirror that she really hasn't got much ass to ogle. No wonder everyone had to look so hard. It's barely visible.

That must be what Jesus was thinking. "I'm going to go have a talk with my father. I think he forgot to give that lady something."
posted by louche mustachio at 1:06 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]



Yeah. Thinking they're all smooth and discreet GUESS WHAT GUYS NO YOU ARE NOT SMOOTH.


you don't understand men.
posted by spicynuts at 1:07 PM on February 16, 2011 [8 favorites]


It is an attempt to show what people are doing when they think you can't see them. Isn't that enough of a point by itself?

I think we'd be hard-pressed to find many women who don't already know that this happens anyway, though.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:07 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


BREAKING: people like looking at bottoms. Film at 11:59; make sure your kids are in bed.
posted by wowbobwow at 1:08 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't get the slo-mo on this. How many 'brief glances' have been turned into long soul searching stares.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 1:13 PM on February 16, 2011 [5 favorites]


you don't understand men.

O RLY. I understand what they don't want to have to explain to their wives/girlfriends who are right next to them.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:14 PM on February 16, 2011


poe - there are lots of people who don't habitually ogle - my spacey spouse is one of them. (And to head off any "hurf durf your spouse ogles women, just not in front of you"... well, I don't want to ramble on about our personal life, but I can assure you that we'd discuss his physical or sexual attraction towards women on the street if he was aware enough to notice any of them)
posted by muddgirl at 1:16 PM on February 16, 2011


"Jesus rode an ass. Check your bibles.

You're thinking of Balaam, whose story in Numbers provoketh much giggling in Bible study.
posted by klangklangston at 1:17 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Maybe she was wearing a pair of Winkers?
Also, I'm a guy and most of the time I get caught looking at a girl's ass is when she has cute jeans on and I want to know the brand. That or when they dangle a shiny (OOH SHINY!) thing in their cleavage. I'm gay and my answer whenever they make a face at me is "don't flatter yourself honey. I was checking the brand/shiny thing out."
posted by msbutah at 1:18 PM on February 16, 2011


"Does this camera make my ass look big?"
posted by ZenMasterThis at 1:18 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


Because she's got a GREAT ASS!
posted by Joe Beese at 1:19 PM on February 16, 2011 [5 favorites]


Something something Buridan's ass.
posted by kmz at 1:20 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Needs more steadycam.
posted by nonliteral at 1:22 PM on February 16, 2011




O RLY. I understand what they don't want to have to explain to their wives/girlfriends who are right next to them.


If their wives/girlfriends need this explained to them, they don't understand men either.
posted by spicynuts at 1:26 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


More evidence that humans are really just a hair's breadth away from their primate ancestors. I think Kubrick was being generous by showing the Monolith evolving us beyond hairy apes. We're just monkeys with nukes.
posted by Harry at 1:26 PM on February 16, 2011


FWIW, my wife has always maintained that she gets once-over'd by women as much as if not more often than men, although it's usually her clothes they're looking at.

Anyway, gentlemen peek. Louts ogle.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:26 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


More evidence that humans are really just a hair's breadth away from their primate ancestors. I think Kubrick was being generous by showing the Monolith evolving us beyond hairy apes. We're just monkeys with nukes.

I hate to be that guy but humans are indeed still both primates and apes, and are also not monkeys.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 1:28 PM on February 16, 2011 [12 favorites]


Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them! We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view. Look, it's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a bloke is. And if you don't like it, darling, join a film collective. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms. We've turned the Internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not so sure how insulted you really ought to be. -Coupling
posted by specialagentwebb at 1:29 PM on February 16, 2011 [33 favorites]


No, they need to do this for a variety of people, young, fat, skinny, hot, not, male, female. And they need to do it in a variety of situations, i.e. walking down the street vs a business function. The results would be awesome.

More evidence that humans are really just a hair's breadth away from their primate ancestors.

That's why we have bars on the cages.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:29 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


gentlemen peek. Louts ogle.

Orson Welles was once asked why his paramour Rita Hayworth sweated so much. He replied - and it helps to imagine his voice here - "Horses sweat. People perspire. Miss Hayworth glows."
posted by Joe Beese at 1:30 PM on February 16, 2011 [11 favorites]


Needs more steadycam.

I would love a video of a woman walking down the street with a camera-wielding Steadicam operator harnessed to her back. The hordes of gawping passersby would be edited together with a lot of slo-mo, snark, and cartoon sound effects, as the woman grunts and strains under the weight with such barbs as, "take a picture, boys, it'll last longer! Ha, ha, euuuugh...my back...I can't go any further...urrghh...hey, what you looking at, buster? I think your wife can tell that you're checkin' me out...heh, heh, oh god, my discs are abrading away..."
posted by Sticherbeast at 1:30 PM on February 16, 2011 [7 favorites]


Is anyone actually surprised by this? Camera or not?
posted by hellslinger at 1:34 PM on February 16, 2011


Dubiousness of the project aside...I really can't find anything that's offensive in people looking at other people's butts. Mainly because it's easy for the look-ee to ignore it or even not be aware of it, so it's not like harassment. I don't expect people not to check out other people, I just want them not to yell stupid shit or scary shit or start groping or what have you.

So the ass-cam is amusing, but not enraging or upsetting.

And yes, please send out a nice-looking dude in well-fitting pants. Bet he'll get some stares too.
posted by emjaybee at 1:37 PM on February 16, 2011 [6 favorites]


Anyway, gentlemen peek. Louts ogle.
posted by The Card Cheat


That's pretty much what the rulebook says.
posted by COBRA! at 1:38 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


@Afroblanco: The ass serves basically no biological purpose; it's pretty much just there to be looked at.


How Running Made Us Human: Endurance Running Let Us Evolve To Look The Way We Do (Science Daily):
Here are anatomical characteristics that are unique to humans and that play a role in helping people run, according to the study...Human buttocks "are huge," says Bramble. "Have you ever looked at an ape? They have no buns." He says human buttocks "are muscles critical for stabilization in running" because they connect the femur – the large bone in each upper leg – to the trunk. Because people lean forward at the hip during running, the buttocks "keep you from pitching over on your nose each time a foot hits the ground."
The Sciece Daily article is basically a human-readable form of the original paper published in Nature.

We ran, so perhaps therefore we check out ass.
posted by asymptotic at 1:42 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


I too enjoy buttocks.
posted by Mister_A at 1:43 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


And yeah, ladies look at butts too. Everyone looks at butts.

I am a package ogler myself. I have my own butt, if I just wanted to look at a butt.
posted by jessamyn at 1:44 PM on February 16, 2011 [18 favorites]


I am a package ogler myself.

um, yeah, I know. I've been reviewing my zipper cam archives.
posted by found missing at 1:47 PM on February 16, 2011 [6 favorites]


I have my own butt, if I just wanted to look at a butt.

Teddy: What are you staring at?
Harry: The back of your head.
Teddy: Well don't. Stare at the back of your own fucking head.
posted by otolith at 1:48 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


You other brothers [and sisters*]can't deny.

*First saw a woman scoping out a dude's caboose when I went to some bar in Chicago, back in the mid/late-eighties, and a woman sitting at a table next to the small stage stared unabashedly at this guy's can as he was setting up the PA system. I remarked on it and one of my female companions cocked an eyebrow and said, "Well, you can't blame her--I mean, just look at it."
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:48 PM on February 16, 2011


It would have been funnier with spit-takes.
posted by JeffK at 1:49 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


It's just a problem with our glands.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 1:51 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


I like how the implication is that men are supposed to be subtle about it.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:52 PM on February 16, 2011


I have my own butt, if I just wanted to look at a butt..

Elaine: I thought you were a leg man.

Jerry: Why would I be a leg man? I have legs.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:56 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


"Pardon me, but there's a crack in your lens."
posted by Wolfdog at 1:57 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


I don't get the slo-mo on this. How many 'brief glances' have been turned into long soul searching stares.

Its all relative.
posted by infini at 1:58 PM on February 16, 2011


I have my own butt, if I just wanted to look at a butt.

Don't we all!
posted by Stagger Lee at 2:05 PM on February 16, 2011


I find that lots of people ogle my eyes. It's a bit unnerving.
posted by naju at 2:08 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


An ass thread needs this clip.
posted by mccarty.tim at 2:08 PM on February 16, 2011


I couldn't stop watching this.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 2:11 PM on February 16, 2011


"Pardon me, there's a lens in your crack."

I'm told I have a nice ass. I'm perfectly happy to have it ogled. It's good for my ego.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:13 PM on February 16, 2011


The ogling center of my brain is apparently way, way lower on the Kinsey scale than the rest of me, because if there's boobs and cleavage, my eyes magnetically go there almost without fail. It's always a shock when I gone to that canyonesque place, only to look up and make embarrassing eye contact with the owner of the boobs in question, because it's always a struggle as to whether I'm going to say, "I'm terribly sorry to objectify your anatomy just now, but rest assured that, as a gay guy, I'm not harboring any oppressive patriarchal impulses that I know of. However, you do have very lovely breasts." Unfortunately, I generally don't present as gay unless I'm wearing feathers, so I'd almost certainly just come off as a pig with a gimmick.

In my last, astonishingly permissive work environment, however, I had some interesting moments.

"Joe, are you giving me a massage just to watch my boobs move?"

"Not just. You have nice shoulders, too," I said, and stopped craning to look down.

"You're a mess."
posted by sonascope at 2:14 PM on February 16, 2011 [11 favorites]


yeah, not quite sure why ogling is seen as a problem. The world is full of beautiful objects, and i am happy to appreciate them all, great and small.
posted by pucklermuskau at 2:26 PM on February 16, 2011


We're hard wired to check 'em out.

There's a great scene in the movie The Quick and the Dead, where Russell Crowe's character finds himself in a gunfight he wants no part of. He laces his fingers in his belt swearing to himself that he'll not draw his gun when the time comes, yet when the bell chimes, he looks down in horror at his betrayer hand, which has instinctively acted on it's own and won the fight.

That's how I am with ogling. I see a human female shaped object in my peripheral vision and I think to myself, "I will not check her out. I will not objectify her. I am happily married, I have absolutely no reason to look, so I won't"

And then I hate myself when I do. Seriously, I'm filled with self loathing at how weak I am, but I find myself unable to not sneak a glance.

Sometimes human nature fucking sucks.
posted by quin at 2:31 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]



I always feel a bit of shame, though, checking out your ass, like when I drink the orange juice right out of the carton.
posted by gagglezoomer at 2:31 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


If I had the asscam, there would surely be the scene where I walk past the reflective windows and the camera would then point at the reflection.
posted by psylosyren at 2:34 PM on February 16, 2011


Attractive young woman in Los Angeles wears tight clothes on a sunny day in Los Angeles and walks around with pretty friend. Men and women alike look at them as they walk past. Some people stare.

Amazing. I mean, really incredible.

I thought the best part was Tall Jesus.
posted by nickrussell at 2:35 PM on February 16, 2011


Kind of sad and pathetic, now that I think about it.

Now that you think about it? You literally just made up everything in the paragraph preceding that sentence. You can't draw a conclusion about the sad pathos of men (excuse me some men) by making up shit in your own head. Not without sounding like an ass at least.
posted by Dano St at 2:35 PM on February 16, 2011 [13 favorites]


I'm a feminist/humanist, I know what "male gaze" is and why it's generally considered harmful, but I'm still totally guilty of checking people out.

Sure, I like a nice ass and boobs, but I think what catches my eyes tends to be a bit different - not that it really matters or that it's less objectifying - it's just different. It's probably due to how I identify as trans, and how I really have an eye for clothes/fashion and style, so I tend to notice and ogle women who's style and whole appearance that I find attractive, and that ranges all over the place but tends towards more classy and less "modern" or "hot" or whatever is trendy. And I'm really into other body parts like necks and shoulders or hands. Oh my god, collar bones and clavicles.

Anyway, I'm digressing.

Every so often I'll see someone that... just does very strange things to my brain. Let me pick a common example. She's cute, has nice hair, is well put together but isn't fussy, is wearing some nice boots and tights, a classy skirt and jacket or sweater, a nice scarf and hat, bonus points for carrying an interesting looking book... So I'm not talking about typically sexy or revealing clothes or anything here, quite the opposite. More Thelma and less Daphne, yeah?

There's some kind of primal reaction and everything else just shuts down. I've dropped things. I've spilled my coffee. I've stopped dead in my tracks and just gaped and gawped. I've walked right into stationary objects like telephone poles or mailboxes. I've stepped off the curb blindly into traffic. I've tripped on my own feet. There's no possibility of being "smooth" here, I'm gobsmacked and utterly unaware of what's going on outside of "Wow... uh... hi... cute... girl... walking... uh... what? Where am I? Where was I going? Oh, good, she's gone. I can have my brain back. Sheesh."
posted by loquacious at 2:41 PM on February 16, 2011 [6 favorites]


In the interest of fairness, I will stuff a camcorder into a codpeice and tape events as I do the rounds about town.
posted by mazola at 2:43 PM on February 16, 2011


You literally just made up everything in the paragraph preceding that sentence.

Well, yes, of course my statements are "made up" in that I haven't done any sort of scientific research, but rather can observe other people and examine my own motivations when I blatantly staring at other people in a sexual or aggressive manner.

Perhaps I should have written that comment with "I" and "we" statements (as I usually try to do), but since we seem to be specifically talking about men ogling women (and not women ogling men, or women ogling women in a sexual manner), I didn't. My apologies.
posted by muddgirl at 2:44 PM on February 16, 2011


I have this problem where when I'm passing someone in a long hallway, I'm not sure what to do with my eyes. I don't want to give eye contact that entire time we're walking towards each other, because awkward. And I definitely don't want to seem like I'm checking them out. Usually I'll stare at some other point in the distance, or look slightly down and to the side, averting my gaze so I don't have to stare at them beyond a brief smile or acknowledgment. Anyway, the point is that I definitely don't want to be crassly checking out anyone.

So then, of course I totally got called out a few months ago by someone at work who thought I've been checking her out every time I pass her (when I was honestly just averting my gaze politely, as I do for all men and women). There's no way to win for me, it seems! Oh well. I think I'll just go with the awkward eye contact to be safe.
posted by naju at 2:54 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


That's why we have bars on in the cages.

FTFY.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:57 PM on February 16, 2011



That's why we have bars in the cages.


Hell, we even have cages in some bars. ;)
posted by Stagger Lee at 3:02 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


So if she tooted it would have fogged up the camera?
posted by stormpooper at 3:08 PM on February 16, 2011


[WARNING: ANECDOTAL CONFIRMATION BIASED ONE-UNIT POINTLESS DATA POINT AHEAD]

So, this is going to sound weird, but the checking-out-the-ass phenomenon has been on my mind a lot lately. I moved to the UK (England) from CA about 5 months ago and I've noticed that there are some serious differences in ass appreciation between these two English-speaking countries (divided by a common language; Shaw or Churchill or who(m)ever was spot-on). As a long-time covert ogler myself, I've come to notice that my behavior is rather out of place and somewhat marked here.

You really can't prepare yourself for the cultural differences you just don't yet know about when you make a big switch like this, and not having my butt automatically iris-scanned in public was one of them. It actually took a while for it to even occur to me. I knew *something* was going on (or rather, not going on), but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. Then one day it hit me. I was walking around and nobody was blatantly checking out my ass! I'm being completely serious here. There is a sort of deference and acknowledgement of privacy that culturally extends to ogling and lack thereof. And it has a sort of cascade effect (or is the result of one). I'm sure it extends to a subtle-but-there shift in what I wear, how I interact, flirt, and most definitely how I walk, long or short. And I seriously can tell the difference between British-person-walking vs. American-person-walking. I couldn't put it into words, but I've been dead on every time. Also, chewing gum, purse-carrying, queue-standing and the like. And don't even get me started on eye-contact while walking down the street...talk about two different perspectives on personal space clashing!

As a sociolinguist, I'm absolutely fascinated and surprised by the little differences (as cliché as that phrase is), but this ass-ogling thing is one in particular that I've been carrying around in my head and haven't been able to share, until now, so I guess...thanks? Culture is cool. Anyways, carry on.

[/IRRELEVANT COMMENT]
posted by iamkimiam at 3:15 PM on February 16, 2011 [21 favorites]


Yes, I am aware that CA is not an English-speaking country. Gah!
posted by iamkimiam at 3:16 PM on February 16, 2011


> I've stopped dead in my tracks and just gaped and gawped.

When I was younger and less of a gentleman I once walked into a mailbox while gawping at a girl on the other side of the street.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:17 PM on February 16, 2011


One of my favourite 4chan memes to filter out is Dat Ass (link mostly SFW).
posted by Nelson at 3:19 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


If you put a crotch cam on a great looking guy in tight pants, you'll get the same glancing behavior, even from the front. This has nothing to do with women and everything to do with animals checking each other out.

The fact that no one went up, smelled her ass, and rubbed on her is proof we are sufficiently evolved as a species to be rather proud of ourselves.

Also........ the fact that none of the men mouthed the words "holy shit......." makes me believe they weren't really try here. A couple days ago I was with both my mom and my wife when a young lady went by on roller skates in a thong. I think I might of said it out loud. It's just what happens.
posted by y6y6y6 at 3:27 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


So if she tooted it would have fogged up the camera?

Eponysterical.
posted by StrangerInAStrainedLand at 3:32 PM on February 16, 2011


Is it wrong to objectify some people sometimes? I will personally admit to objectifying people ALL THE TIME. Like on the subway, where my fellow passengers are just people-shaped lumps of meet keeping me from being able to sit down or get off at my stop, or, worse yet, Red Sox fans. Or like all of the slow-walking people in this thread, who are not encountered as fully self-actualized human beings capable of rational thought and emotion, but as encumberments to the daily commutes of dozens of snarky MeFites. Objectification is OK in the right context and dosage, and the limited, subtle appreciation of the beauty of human anatomy while walking around town is one of those times.

What I'm trying to say is that butts are great. You're welcome to look at mine, even though it is almost comically small given my large size, and I will certainly be taking a glance at yours now and again as well.
posted by Aizkolari at 3:40 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


I have a great ass.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:42 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: a pig with a gimmick
posted by scrump at 3:46 PM on February 16, 2011


They want to get caught looking, first at a girl's breasts, and then at her ass (I say girl because in my experience, the age of the object does not matter - just anatomy). Maybe they have some porn scenario in their head where the girl catches them looking and pulls them into the bathroom for a blowjob. Kind of sad and pathetic, now that I think about it.

This is really more a statement about you than a statement about men.
posted by indubitable at 3:48 PM on February 16, 2011 [9 favorites]


Stormpooper: Human flatulence is actually quite low in moisture, so you can fart around glass or in the cold to your heart's content.
posted by mccarty.tim at 3:49 PM on February 16, 2011


When I was younger and less of a gentleman I once walked into a mailbox while gawping at a girl on the other side of the street.

I walked into a steel column on the subway platform and bruised a rib. To be fair, though, she had a GREAT ass, and I had a few drinks in me.
posted by bashos_frog at 3:52 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


If I didn't know the circumstances when I watched the video I'd assume that the camera was a very odd looking contraption as most of the folks look puzzled more than anything else.
posted by bz at 4:01 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


The ass serves basically no biological purpose

Uh, pooping?
posted by Mcable at 4:01 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


The ass serves basically no biological purpose

Does sitting in front of the Internet count? Hell, mine has even adapted to the cause!
posted by iamkimiam at 4:05 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


"I have to assume that some guys just don't care about being smooth. They want to get caught looking, first at a girl's breasts, and then at her ass (I say girl because in my experience, the age of the object does not matter - just anatomy). Maybe they have some porn scenario in their head where the girl catches them looking and pulls them into the bathroom for a blowjob. Kind of sad and pathetic, now that I think about it."

No, some of just really aren't smooth at all, or aren't thinking about it. Like sonascope, my ogling takes place at a completely unconscious level, and only if I'm not busy thinking about something else (which is never) do I have a chance of freeing enough processor cycles to realize, "Holy shit, I'm staring at boobs! I should stop that!"

So, I'm sorry. Working on it, but I still catch myself being caught. Because I don't realize I'm doing it, I often don't realize it's a problem, and so I don't end up working on it as much as I should. And I know, I know; it's no compliment or consolation that you have nice parts.

Of course, I'll squander any goodwill my apology might have garnered by making a crass (but not sexist!) joke (as the scorpion said, it is in my nature):

"The ass serves basically no biological purpose; it's pretty much just there to be looked at."

Well, in the company of someone you love very, very much, you can do more than just look, son.
posted by Eideteker at 4:21 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


[/IRRELEVANT COMMENT]
posted by iamkimiam at 11:15 PM on February 16 [+] [!]


Not at all. It's very interesting. I do believe that cultural differences of these kinds contribute to a lot of the misunderstandings and resulting frustrations in some of the sexism threads that we have had so many of in META these last years. Subtle behaviour differences of this nature that are geographically distinct can contribute a lot to ones understanding of the world and what happens in it.
posted by Catfry at 4:24 PM on February 16, 2011


I shamelessly/unconsciously check out everybody. Girls, guys, I'm straight but it's automatic. Usually, with girls I'm more interested in their clothes or how they look in comparison to me, while with guys it's more of an automatic "he's hot vs. not cute" once-over. Also, female clothing tends to display a lot more body than men's- it's hard to tell if a guy has a nice ass when his baggy pants completely disguise it. Sadly.
posted by MadamM at 4:34 PM on February 16, 2011


Does sitting in front of the Internet count?

The Internet is pretty young, just got its license, so one should not be sitting in front of it.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:34 PM on February 16, 2011


Being stared at is better than not being stared at.
posted by dead cousin ted at 4:38 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Is anyone going to mention the editing?
They got the visual tropes down.
Next time I hope they hide one of those 1080p SupahCams in there.
That'll make some anthropologists baccduhfuqup.
posted by artof.mulata at 4:41 PM on February 16, 2011


Maybe they have some porn scenario in their head where the girl catches them looking and pulls them into the bathroom for a blowjob.

It's my personal experience that men have way more than just a single porn scenario in their head.
posted by robertc at 4:42 PM on February 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


And if they'd done this with a 400-pound man or woman you'd see people looking too.
posted by bwg at 5:39 PM on February 16, 2011


I suspect this will lead to a temporary increase in Crazy Ivans.
posted by ifandonlyif at 6:07 PM on February 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


I hope every guy here gets a chance to date or befriend a really attractive woman. The way other guys try to check 'em out, get their attention, and otherwise act like freakin performing monkeys around them is just HILARIOUS. This video is nothing. Wow.

And look. Come on. Girls know what you're doing. Oooo you're looking out of the corner of your eye as you pass! You're not slick. LOL.
posted by LordSludge at 6:55 PM on February 16, 2011


He says human buttocks "are muscles critical for stabilization in running" because they connect the femur – the large bone in each upper leg – to the trunk. Because people lean forward at the hip during running, the buttocks "keep you from pitching over on your nose each time a foot hits the ground."

And yet the less running you do the bigger your buttocks gets...
posted by The Hamms Bear at 7:31 PM on February 16, 2011


Being stared at is better than not being stared at.
yuck.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 8:16 PM on February 16, 2011


GUESS WHAT GUYS NO YOU ARE NOT SMOOTH.

But butts are, which is all that matters.
posted by Forktine at 8:41 PM on February 16, 2011


I can not lie.
posted by cashman at 9:01 PM on February 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


My eyes are up here, Jesus.

Higher.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 9:52 PM on February 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


Someone should do a similar video, but instead attach a tiny secret video camera to the back of a pickup truck that's affixed with truck nuts.
posted by jefbla at 10:16 PM on February 16, 2011


"Guys are not proud" — The Anemic Boyfriends.
posted by klangklangston at 11:23 PM on February 16, 2011


I generally dress like a slob, but every time I wear a business suit in the city I catch women checking me out.
As a young man I was a bit shy and tended not to peek. Now I am older I don't fight the urge to let my eyes flick over that way. Getting caught is still mortifying though.
posted by bystander at 11:33 PM on February 16, 2011


I've been reviewing my zipper cam archives.

You jest, but rule 34 triumphs again. Some links to video clips. Both links NSFW and, given their similarity to the OP video, surprisingly yukky.
posted by Busy Old Fool at 4:24 AM on February 17, 2011


If Ii hadn't read this thread I'd probably not even realized. I caught myself hypnotized by a young lady cleaning the white board in jeans. I'm guessing since I'm straight and a woman, its something in the movement and our DNA perhaps? ;p
posted by infini at 4:26 AM on February 17, 2011


poe - there are lots of people who don't habitually ogle - my spacey spouse is one of them.

I;m prepared to believe that everyone, everywhere checks out other people - straight, gay, married, single - because people are interesting and seeing what other people look like is interesting. (Hey, as a species, we like big butts. I cannot lie.) But there is a difference between glancing at someone and staring at them as though the bottom row of an eyechart is printed on their nipple. This has happened to me on a couple of occasions recently - neither of which had me particularly 'dressed up' and I just thought 'why are you not actually embarrassed?'

I have to say, as a straight woman, I've never gone around staring at crotches. Penises are not attractive until they're attached to someone that you find attractive. Same with most body parts, really.
posted by mippy at 4:50 AM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


naju: "There's no way to win for me, it seems! Oh well. I think I'll just go with the awkward eye contact to be safe."

This. So this.

Does anybody have a good solution to the long-hallway walk that gives someone the impression you're not a creeper (bonus points if they come away thinking "nice guy")?
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 6:05 AM on February 17, 2011


I'm a package-starer. It's not actually the package, that's just exactly where my eyes fall when I'm not making eye contact. I spend a lot of time looking at chair rails, desktops...and packages. There's very rarely anything to see (except that some fabrics just should not be used for trousers, either because of their clinginess or crinkliness).

Sometimes there is, and then I double my resolve to stop looking.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:35 AM on February 17, 2011


Penises are not attractive until they're attached to someone that you find attractive.

That may be a debatable point. But here's the thing, they are maybe a little mysterious. I always thought this was why people were really into boobs [one of them] because if you don't have them, it's not entirely clear how they work, how it feels to have them attached to you, to be able to touch them whenever you want, lalala.

So when I was growing up [with no brothers and a shy dad and no internet] I had no idea how people's penises fit into their pants. Like where did it go? Did guys sit on them? Where did the balls go? What about guys in sports outfits? What about if you're wearing shorts? What about if the pants are tight? Can you tell? Is it a secret?

So I used to stare because I was curious and had no manners. And now I look sometimes just for fun, but if I thought I was making someone uncomfortable, I'd knock it off right quick.
posted by jessamyn at 9:04 AM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


"Does anybody have a good solution to the long-hallway walk that gives someone the impression you're not a creeper (bonus points if they come away thinking "nice guy")?"

Brief eye contact, smile, look away and forward.

I will give the caveat that I make eye contact with everyone, and do so even more now that I've worked in canvassing, where the only way to get someone to stop from 20 feet away is to make solid eye contact.

But it's really like, "Hey, I acknowledge that you're here and a person, but I'm going to keep walking and any further contact is going to be on you." Sometimes a nod helps.
posted by klangklangston at 10:12 AM on February 17, 2011


Penises are not attractive until they're attached to someone that you find attractive.

Like anything else, they just need a good photographer and publicist.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:25 AM on February 17, 2011


jessamyn: "I am a package ogler myself."

So, what attributes make a nice package?

Next time I'm shopping for jeans, or slacks, what do I look for that will impress the ladies?
posted by I am the Walrus at 10:32 AM on February 17, 2011


or do I just hang a cucumber down there?

like I'm not doing that already, if you know what I mean!
posted by I am the Walrus at 10:33 AM on February 17, 2011


Not to get all objectificationey, but I'll answer your question seriously and say – as a person who loves few things more than men wearing jeans – it's not about the jeans. It's about how you carry your body inside them. There are some men who just seem to get it wrt standing/walking/wearing-pants in public, as if they're so comfortable being inside the lower half of their body that clothing is just a necessary afterthought. Like people who know how to do the robot dance. You don't try that for the first time on the dancefloor. It's just one expression of a long time spent fine-tuning balance, posture, body confidence, coordination...all the while not thinking about it *too* much.

Maybe it's just knowing yourself and how you move — whatever that is — then dressing to suit it best.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:25 AM on February 17, 2011


as a person who loves few things more than men wearing jeans – it's not about the jeans. It's about how you carry your body inside them

This.

Speaking from the perspective of having seen the worst way ever to wear jeans, so tightly belted up at the waist that they make the back end look funny.

Then there are those who wear it like a second skin.
posted by infini at 11:40 AM on February 17, 2011


I find that lots of people ogle my eyes. It's a bit unnerving.

Actually, for serious, ogling eyes totally throws me. Like, ever since I was twelve or so, I've had to fight that initial visual instinct to stare at hips/boobs/ass as soon as I see someone attractive. Which, that's fine, that's how we do it in a civilization. My eyes start to click downward, but then they're immediately stopped by the higher cognitive capacities, which shout: "NO! THAT IS NOT THE PART YOU STARE AT. NO. NO. PULL AWAY FROM THERE." and hey, crisis averted, we're looking at the eyes again, good job everyone go team good hustle good hustle

But if someone has super-beautiful eyes, it sends my brain into this crazy loop, where I start to look away from the eyes merely out of the habit of immediately looking away from The Sexy Parts. And then I remember that, NO, you ARE supposed to stare at the eyes, even IF they're super-hot, and then I have to do my damnedest to really stare at These Particular Sexy Parts, and I feel like a massive lech, looking at someone's Sexy Sexy Eyes.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:30 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


ALL THESE PACKAGES ARE YOURS, EXCEPT CARROT TOP. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:57 PM on February 17, 2011


Human flatulence is actually quite low in moisture, so you can fart around glass or in the cold to your heart's content.

I learn something new every day on Metafilter.
posted by Marla Singer at 2:01 PM on February 17, 2011


Oh yes, Greg Nog, I know that only too well. It's closely connected to the 'coming across as cold' reaction, where you start off with your default personality and then discover that having this gorgeous person mirroring your body language and laughing at your jokes is causing your brain to explode with delight in a way that must be visible for miles around, so you become more and more aloof and stop doing or saying anything they seem to enjoy just so you can think straight again and get through this and finally they walk away which gives you the opportunity to beat your head against something concrete for messing up again.
posted by Busy Old Fool at 2:24 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


Every glance looks like a stare when you slow it down to 48 fps.
posted by therewolf at 4:59 PM on February 17, 2011


But if someone has super-beautiful eyes, it sends my brain into this crazy loop, where I start to look away from the eyes merely out of the habit of immediately looking away from The Sexy Parts. And then I remember that, NO, you ARE supposed to stare at the eyes, even IF they're super-hot, and then I have to do my damnedest to really stare at These Particular Sexy Parts, and I feel like a massive lech, looking at someone's Sexy Sexy Eyes.

Huh, that explains all the eye movement when we met. I just assumed you were entering REM sleep for brief, exciting intervals.
posted by The Whelk at 5:46 PM on February 17, 2011


I've caught myself looking at heinies, but its not the butt that catches my eye. Its the upper hip where it can blend so nicely into the waist on women that does it for me.

as a person who loves few things more than men wearing jeans – it's not about the jeans. It's about how you carry your body inside them

This.


x2

And damn if that song isn't catchy.
posted by squeak at 8:58 PM on February 17, 2011


I find that lots of people ogle my eyes. It's a bit unnerving.

I get this a lot.
More times than I can count I've been at a checkout counter/bank/customer service desk where the person helping me just stares at my eyes for an inordinate amount of time then usually blinks, looks away and says something like "Sorry, you just have longest eyelashes I've ever seen."
posted by the_artificer at 12:53 AM on February 18, 2011


I wonder, is it possible to ogle someone with your entire being? You know, you're not really looking but your senses are heightened and you are oh so aware, that your breath stops for a heartbeat and your brain skips a connection in whatever it was that you were saying. That.
posted by infini at 3:41 AM on February 18, 2011


I wouldn't call that ogling.
posted by iamkimiam at 5:24 AM on February 18, 2011


I wonder what Sir Mix-A-Lot thinks of this.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:16 AM on February 18, 2011


I wouldn't call that ogling.

So... what would you label it, professionally speaking?
posted by infini at 10:55 AM on February 18, 2011


Word on the street is that this is a viral campaign for Levi's from Clemenger BBDO in Auckland (the two women are NZ actresses).
posted by John Shaft at 4:48 PM on February 20, 2011


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