Breaking Badly

February 17, 2011 12:09 PM

That's the Most Illegal Thing I've Seen in the History of Wrestling! (SLYT)
posted by jenkinsEar (128 comments total)

Whoa, wrestling really is a soap opera for men!
posted by dunkadunc at 12:12 PM on February 17, 2011

I... I can't look away.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:13 PM on February 17, 2011

And people still think pro wrestling is fake.
posted by item at 12:14 PM on February 17, 2011 [22 favorites]

"Learning that wrestling is 'fake' isn't the end of appreciation for it: It's the beginning"
-Merle Vincent, Wrestlecrap.com
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 12:17 PM on February 17, 2011 [38 favorites]

This is why they cut to black at the end of The Wrestler. The Ram Slam got really, really weird after that.
Also: "I don't see anything about hypnotosis in the rule book!"
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 12:17 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Oh my god, wrestling is awesome. I had no idea.
posted by phunniemee at 12:17 PM on February 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

Holy crap. Egyptian hypnosis.
posted by iconomy at 12:17 PM on February 17, 2011

With a special guest appearance by Damian of Fucked Up at around 1:30!
posted by theodolite at 12:17 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

White boys can dance!!
posted by Iron Rat at 12:17 PM on February 17, 2011

2'18" FTW
posted by unSane at 12:17 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Not just worm......textbook worm!
posted by iconomy at 12:18 PM on February 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

Wrestling's not fake, wrestling fans are.
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:18 PM on February 17, 2011

This is FABULOUS.
posted by Mister_A at 12:19 PM on February 17, 2011

Oooo forehead burn.
posted by iconomy at 12:19 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

I have no sound and have no idea what's going on.

All I can say is this: There's no rule that says a dog can't play basketball.
posted by mccarty.tim at 12:20 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

No, This would be the most illegal thing I've seen in wrestling.
posted by Godwin Interjection at 12:20 PM on February 17, 2011 [19 favorites]

I sat ring side at a WWE match and you quickly see that it really is performance art.
posted by sexymofo at 12:21 PM on February 17, 2011

something something placebo effect something
posted by hermitosis at 12:22 PM on February 17, 2011

Also, let's not forget - let's not forget, Dude - that using hypnosis, a hypnotic induction, for uh, grappling, you know, within the ring -- that aint legal either.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:23 PM on February 17, 2011 [9 favorites]

I don't understand what people mean when they claim that pro wrestling is fake. Fake what? What is it people think is being faked?

Calling pro wrestling "fake" is the same as calling Broadway "fake," isn't it?
posted by The World Famous at 12:23 PM on February 17, 2011 [16 favorites]

Calling pro wrestling "fake" is the same as calling Broadway "fake," isn't it?

It's more like calling Santa fake, especially where there's an intersection of spectatorial credulity and childhood fandom and the process of learning to parse performance from reality and all that.

No, This would be the most illegal thing I've seen in wrestling.

Textbook crowd chair.
posted by cortex at 12:27 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Hey guys, can I be that obnoxious guy who says "The only thing faker than wrestling is US politics"!?
posted by mccarty.tim at 12:31 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Surely this...
posted by Legomancer at 12:32 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's still real to me, dammit!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:32 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

It's not "fake," it's staged. Staged and carefully coreographed.
If they didn't rehearse those moves somebody would really get hurt.
posted by Floydd at 12:33 PM on February 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

Obligatory plug for Botchamania, the best of the worst of wrestling. (And they just posted 163 today!)
posted by deezil at 12:33 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

Wait, what happened? There's like 16 seconds of video, and then...

I... I can't remember anything.
posted by specialagentwebb at 12:33 PM on February 17, 2011 [41 favorites]

Uh. Well, I guess the good thing of this is that they didn't a sparkling mummy or something.
posted by Iosephus at 12:40 PM on February 17, 2011

"Learning that wrestling is 'fake' isn't the end of appreciation for it: It's the beginning"

I'm still a few days from being able to talk about it, but I've spent the last year or so working on a major wrestling site. If there's one thing that I've learned, it's that everyone involved -- production, participants, fans -- understand the fact that it's a narrative, not a sport.

If they didn't rehearse those moves somebody would really get hurt.

Actually, they still do get hurt with relative frequency. Stuff like sprains, fractures, torn ligaments and so on are no less serious than you would expect from, say, full contact gymnastics.
posted by verb at 12:42 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

That really should have been the way LOST ended.
posted by The World Famous at 12:42 PM on February 17, 2011 [30 favorites]

And there's more... Hammer time!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:44 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

The real academy award winner here is the ref, who has to maintain a "huh? What is going on here?" pantomime for 3 whole minutes.
posted by Grimp0teuthis at 12:45 PM on February 17, 2011 [16 favorites]

I'm glad they "didn't a sparkling mummy or something" too. But seriously, how can you watch this video, look me in the eyes, and tell me that wrestling is fake!? If this doesn't constitute irrefutable proof of the often frightening supernatural reality of professional wrestling, I just don't know how you can be convinced.
posted by Krazor at 12:45 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

I have met the Osiran Portal before, a a Jersey All-Pro Wrestling event. They are a fun, cartoony tag teamthat pull off some amazing aerial work. And Amasis losing the occasional dance-off is hilarious. The energy, charaisma and fun exuded by that team is what got me hooked on attending indie wrestling shows.

The Osiran Portal wrestle a lot in CHIKARA, which is a northeast indy promotion that borrows liberally from locadore wrestling. It also has the funniest moment ever when Chuck Taylor Threw A Grendae at the Ant Colony.
posted by ShawnStruck at 12:45 PM on February 17, 2011 [20 favorites]

Could professional wrestling get any more homoerotic? (NTTIAWWT)
posted by punkfloyd at 12:48 PM on February 17, 2011

If only they could incorporate some good Papa Shango style cod-voodoo, this would have everything!
posted by robself at 12:49 PM on February 17, 2011

I'm retiring 'sliced bread' as the criterion by which I judge stuff that is new and good.
posted by tigrefacile at 12:50 PM on February 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

I pay this clip my highest compliment: that's weird enough that it could have happened in Japan.
posted by The Tensor at 12:51 PM on February 17, 2011 [12 favorites]

If I could get a do-over on my mefi name, it might just be Outraged Ring Announcer.
posted by Raunchy 60s Humour at 12:51 PM on February 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

Could professional wrestling get any more homoerotic?

Only if they team up with MMA.
posted by Silentgoldfish at 12:53 PM on February 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

Or join the Spartan army.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:54 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

And people still think pro wrestling is fake.
posted by item at 3:14 PM on February 17

No, people think pro wrestling is gay. And by gay, I mean fabulous.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:55 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is seriously great. I can't believe people are wasting their time talking about how fake wrestling is, though.
posted by proj at 12:57 PM on February 17, 2011

Only if they team up with MMA.

You know, I really don't like MMA, mostly because I don't dig on people actually trying to hurt one another, so I don't know if this is typical. I saw an hour or so of MMA fights at a bar last weekend, and those dudes were really rolling on the mat, hugging it out something fierce.

I imagine the one guy sobbing uncontrollably about how maybe he just found out his cat has feline leukemia or something, and the other dude, whispering in his ear tha it's going to be okay, Snickerdoodle will be just fine. And then he punches him in the face.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:59 PM on February 17, 2011 [37 favorites]

CHIKARA Pro* is the reason I love pro-wrestling again. Or at least, love the kind of pro-wrestling that takes place in front of 200 people in a basketball gyms in small Pennsylvania towns. It reminds me of the kind of outrageous, accessible fun that defined British wrestling for decades, and was so enormously, mindbogglingly popular that the entire country (right up to the Royal household itself, rumour has it) effectively shut down on Saturday afternoons to watch Les Kellett get hit by irate old ladies with handbags.

* yes I'm aware the clip is from a CZW show.
posted by Kandarp Von Bontee at 12:59 PM on February 17, 2011 [6 favorites]

Outrageous, accessible fun is EXACTLY how I would describe the Dallas-Fort Worth wrestling scene of the late 1970s and early 1980s. I miss my Von Erich boys! The Great Kabuki, Kimahla, Iron Sheik, Junkyard Dog, Ice Man King Parsons, Cris Adams. What fun!
posted by punkfloyd at 1:01 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

It's like men's roller derby without skates or a rink that doesn't take itself so seriously.

It pains me to say that.
posted by Seamus at 1:04 PM on February 17, 2011

Stampede Wrestling up in Calgary, too. There was something impure and beatufiul about that shit!
posted by PinkMoose at 1:06 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Apropos of something. (Gender and youth wrestling).
posted by punkfloyd at 1:07 PM on February 17, 2011

Wait, what happened? There's like 16 seconds of video, and then...

I... I can't remember anything.

It's gonna be ok. We found you strutting around in Projects, stripped down to your g-string.
posted by mannequito at 1:08 PM on February 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

Sigh. Ok, not fake, but staged. And people still think pro wrestling is staged. Better? Semantically appealing?

I love wrestling. As a kid, I was a huge Von Erich fan, going to see them perform their art at the Sportatorium, waiting in line at the mall to get autographs, staying up late on Saturday nights to watch the WCCW. I stopped following it when the regional leagues were all swallowed up by the WWF, or at least that's what it seems like happened. This clip, though, is great, and it takes me back to the wrestling I remember from my childhood in the 80's.
posted by item at 1:12 PM on February 17, 2011

Say what you will, but that was the most entertaining 6 minutes of my life.
posted by weezy at 1:19 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

My recent best parenting moment was introducing my ten year old twin daughters to wrestling one boring night while flipping through channels. We all take wrestling for granted, generally just ignore it. But to see it through someone elses eyes that had no idea such a thing even existed was pretty fun. We watched a match that involved a ladder in the centre of the ring and the winner being the first to scale it and retrieve the championship belt.

I think that's how we should determine elections too, democracy has had a good run, lets try something different for awhile. We can go back if we don't like it.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:20 PM on February 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

strangely, when the sound cut out Pandora chimed in with the Beastie Boy's "Brass Monkey"
And it was very much in synch. Flipped me the fuck out, it did.
posted by angrycat at 1:22 PM on February 17, 2011

Holy crap. Egyptian hypnosis.

He's using Egyptnosis! He's a Egyptnotist!
posted by vibrotronica at 1:22 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

I think this is called 'jumping the shark.' Wow.
posted by jpeacock at 1:25 PM on February 17, 2011

Life would be so much better if this actually worked.

"What do you mean I can't use double coupons?" *Egyptian hypnotism*

"I'm tired of this argument, you're being willfully obtuse. Apple does in effect charge a tax!" *hypnotism hands*

"Stop talking about pies!" *mesmerizing hand gestures*
posted by empyrean at 1:25 PM on February 17, 2011 [7 favorites]

I did play-by-play for an indie fed in Hayward, California for a couple of years. I also, very briefly, trained there back in 1997. My neck hurts just thinking about it. =)

Pro wrestling is at its best when it is internally-consistent. CHIKARA is a great thing to watch, so is Ring of Honor on the far opposite end of the spectrum. TNA keeps changing its internal rhythms and WWE had a complete revision going from TV14 to TVPG over the last 36 months... but they have their stride back. (And the Rock.)

...anyways. This was awesome to see again.
posted by andreaazure at 1:26 PM on February 17, 2011

Man. This makes me want to take up watching wrestling again. Maybe I'll even become an announcer, like my childhood hero Gordon Solie...
posted by steambadger at 1:28 PM on February 17, 2011

My favorite bit.... okay I couldn't possibly have a favorite but the one which prompted me to write -- was when the announcer said, quite sincerely by my ear, "How are we not hypnotized?"

Also, my new Metafilter name: "Textbook Worm"
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:29 PM on February 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

I think this is called 'jumping the shark.' Wow.

No. This is called 'surfing on the shark's back while spinning a hula-hoop and juggling fake human eyeballs.'
posted by steambadger at 1:30 PM on February 17, 2011 [10 favorites]

Also discovered while freaking out at the sheer genius of it all: Aerial Wrestling.
posted by artof.mulata at 1:31 PM on February 17, 2011 [6 favorites]

And my favorite bit from the MCs: "He's cutting a line! He's cutting a rug!"
'Cutting a line' indeed.
posted by artof.mulata at 1:33 PM on February 17, 2011

Whoa, wrestling really is a soap opera for men!

Not so much. My main criterion for identifying quality wrestling is that there be a wide range of different demographics in the crowd.

Over the past couple of decades or so US pro-wrestling (like pretty much every other field of popular entertainment) seemed to become vastly preoccupied with the young male audience. This lead to an across-the-board increase in the whole sex and violence schtick - the increasingly salacious content of WWE, WCW and (the name says it all) TNA, the garbage and death match gimmicks of ECW and its copycats, slowly superseded by the highly athletic, strong style of ROH and many other indies. Watch any match representative of these trends in the business, and you'll notice that the audience is composed almost entirely of young males.

But with the advent of CHIKARA I'm seeing (even though the audiences are often microscopic) an important change: everybody's different. There are kids, teenagers, adults and old folks of every colour, race and creed, all absolutely loving what they're seeing - and no, they don't think for a fucking moment any of it's real, nor are they moronic white trash or closeted gays or any other ill-deserved prejudicial stereotype.

That the wrestling audience is being widened by family-friendly indie promotions to me is a very good thing, and identifies CHIKARA as a real trendsetter for an industry long overdue for reappraisal as the popular, athletic theatre that deserves far greater respect than most, thanks largely to WWE's squalid programming and murderous business practices, usually afford it.
posted by Kandarp Von Bontee at 1:35 PM on February 17, 2011 [12 favorites]

Super good. Thanks.
posted by safetyfork at 1:37 PM on February 17, 2011

Hmm, something for everyone... twisting plotlines... could it be that our grandchildren will study wrestling the same way our generation studied Shakespeare?
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:38 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pro wrestling, when done right, is the best form of mass therapy ever invented.

Rest in peace, Gorgeous George.
posted by benzenedream at 1:41 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Stop talking about pies!" *mesmerizing hand gestures*

No! Don't turn to the dark side, young padawan! Nooo!
posted by phunniemee at 1:42 PM on February 17, 2011

Previously, in Japan...
posted by GameDesignerBen at 1:47 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I miss my Von Erich boys!

So does their family.
</classless>
posted by yerfatma at 1:49 PM on February 17, 2011

everybody's different. There are kids, teenagers, adults and old folks of every colour, race and creed

Every creed?
posted by The World Famous at 1:49 PM on February 17, 2011

IT'S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMN IT! (slyt)
posted by Ratio at 1:59 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I prefer to think of wrestling as the poor man's Circque du Soleil.
posted by zardoz at 2:05 PM on February 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

popular, athletic theatre

That's probably the best explanation of pro wrestling I've ever seen. No one believes it's real (aside from kids who still believe in Santa), and people trying to score points by proclaiming it's fake are roughly equivalent to decrying an Ibsen play because the actor who shot themselves comes out to take a stage bow.

As for the clip, I saw this a couple days ago, and I absolutely loved it. I do watch wrestling from time to time, and I kind of keep up with it. Egyptohypnotagteamdancewrestling is wonderful, but by the time WWE finds out about this, and tries to rip it off, well, their version is pretty much bound to suck. I miss the attitude days, and even with the Rock coming back, well, I saw his promo from the other night, and it was, bleeping aside, everything pathetic the WWE has become. Maybe now that McMahon lost the senate bid, they'll go back to tv14, but I doubt it.
posted by Ghidorah at 2:05 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

I miss my Von Erich boys!

Bah. Give me Verne Gagne and his "scientific" wrestling methods any day.
posted by Mental Wimp at 2:14 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

WHY ARE THE REFEREES ALLOWING THIS???
posted by banishedimmortal at 2:16 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

...WWE had a complete revision going from TV14 to TVPG over the last 36 months... but they have their stride back. (And the Rock.)

Aw, seriously? I saw that Dwayne Johnson had been using his real name in film lately and was happy he'd "made it". I unashamedly think he's a great actor and will watch him in pretty much anything. If he's gone back to WWE, which is probably not where one wants to be coming into their forties, then I'm a bit disappointed.
posted by ODiV at 2:28 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Bah. Give me Verne Gagne and his "scientific" wrestling methods any day.

Vern Gagne forgot to retire.
posted by Xurando at 2:34 PM on February 17, 2011

One of the best nights of my twenties was spent at a pro-wrestling match. Yes, everyone but the kids know it is fake. And everyone is in on the performance. The crowd boos and cheers theatrically, part of the show. It's great.

And as a MMA fan, I'll say that most fans are totally aware that it (and amateur wrestling) can appear gay.Most of the fans I know, despite being stereotyped as homophobic douches, are actually far more comfortable with the "homoerotic" aspects of the sport than the people standing on the outside snickering about it. They don't deny that, say, a north-south choke looks vaguely like a sex act. They'll say "so what?" Which is the entirely appropriate response.
posted by Bookhouse at 2:37 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:43 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think I ran into something a lot like that in Temple of Apshai.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:45 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

So was that legal or what?
posted by Sailormom at 2:49 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Back when I was a kiddo, we'd masochistically take turns submitting to a Boston Crab, Camel Clutch, Figure Four, etc. We'd harvest Fun Dip or Kool-Aid so we could spray the Green Mist, contemplate the utter devastation of the Back Brain Kick, and go to a pool just to perform suplexes and gorilla presses on each other. All these moves could actually bring the pain and we knew that we had to be careful; back then wrestling was as real as any other sport, albeit very poorly officiated. We'd probably even argue that Egyptian hypnotosis might work, we just weren't trained in that particular mystical art.

I think what continued to chip away at the facade was that, after so many futile attempts, no one could make Brutus the Barber Beefcake's Sleeper Hold or Ted Dibiase's Million Dollar Dream work as advertised. So yes, just like the creeping realization that Santa had the same handwriting as Mom.
posted by krippledkonscious at 3:05 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Dismaying things I've recently learned: MetaFilter loves wrestling and Phil Collins.

Jesus camel-fucking Christ, y'all.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:20 PM on February 17, 2011 [9 favorites]

"i heard this is what caused the protests in egypt."

Youtube comments... the gift that keeps on giving...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:30 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

I can see him
Flying through the air
Tonight
Oh lord

And I've been waiting
To be tagged in
For all my life
Oh lord
posted by cortex at 3:30 PM on February 17, 2011 [13 favorites]

What the hell was that? What the hell is this!?

I'm actually dismayed I didn't get pro wrestling back in the 80s and 90s. It looks like I missed out on a lot of fun, albeit soap opera drama fun. In retrospect it clearly points out to me that my much, much younger self was an insufferable stuck up prig of a shitheel who wouldn't know fun even if it climbed up my pants and threw a fellatio party just for me.

The brief moment of succumbing to Hulkmania like 99.9% of the people alive in the 80s doesn't count. Which I don't think anyone really ever figured out. People who had never and will never watch a pro wrestling show somehow were infected with Hulkmania.
posted by loquacious at 3:34 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Youtube comments... the gift that keeps on giving...

this is the thing most idiot i had see ever
posted by DaDaDaDave at 3:43 PM on February 17, 2011

What the hell was that? What the hell is this!?

It's hard to watch that clip and not believe one of the announcers is Lt. Jim Dangle.
posted by cortex at 3:54 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm retiring 'sliced bread' as the criterion by which I judge stuff that is new and good.

Well, why not, now that you have Sliced Bread #2!
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 4:03 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Dadaist street theater only wishes it was that weird. Consider this square truly freaked out.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:06 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

STOP THE CHAIRS!!
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:11 PM on February 17, 2011

My life is so much better now than it was 3 minutes and 52 seconds ago.
posted by Errant at 4:22 PM on February 17, 2011

infected with Hulkmania

I was a Hulkamaniac, though as a young Jewish kid, I always felt a little left out at the 'say your prayers' bit, because I was pretty sure he wasn't talking about the Shema. But then Goldberg came along, and beat the snot out of Santa Claus on Leno (one of the few moments I ever laughed while watching Leno), and I felt included at last, able to cheer on the World's Strongest Jew.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:35 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

I hate wrestling, but that was pure awesome! I can't stop laughing. Thanks, jenkinsEar.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 4:38 PM on February 17, 2011

This Fasil was so upset about the lousy wrestling tonight, that he went down to the garage and in a fit of depression cut off his own head!
posted by bwg at 4:41 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm now convinced that wrestling is ballet for the common man. I apologize for anything bad I ever said about wrestling.
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:50 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

This Fasil was so upset about the lousy wrestling tonight, that he went down to the garage and in a fit of depression cut off his own head!

The Freebirds did tend to have that effect.
posted by Kandarp Von Bontee at 4:57 PM on February 17, 2011

No, really. Was that legal?
posted by Sailormom at 5:04 PM on February 17, 2011

A well-known sports commentator up here in Saskatchewan recently attended a local indy show (his first time) and wrote it up as "one of the three or four best nights of my life."

He may have been using wrestling-level hyperbole but you do get the sense that he really enjoyed the experience, possibly having been skeptical before.
posted by Jaybo at 5:13 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I used to be so into GLOW, back in the day. Dementia was my favorite. It had everything - Women, racial stereotype commentators, terrible fight choreography, bizarro characters...
posted by Samizdata at 5:46 PM on February 17, 2011

Oooo forehead burn. I know, I wondered why he didn't use the big piece of cardboard right next to him to slide along on on his forehead.

One of the conventions I love is the strained incredulous yelling right into the mike by the announcers.
posted by Red Loop at 6:12 PM on February 17, 2011

strained incredulous yelling

Definitely. In fact, I'd go as far to say that the current suckage of WWE has a lot to do with Michael Cole being at the mike instead of J.R. That man was a genius at announcing pro-wrasslin.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:30 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

No, This would be the most illegal thing I've seen in wrestling.

PLEASE DO NOT THROW CHAIRS INTO THE RING!

*In flies a garbage can*
posted by dirigibleman at 6:31 PM on February 17, 2011

Loved this. Thank you.
posted by ambulance blues at 6:31 PM on February 17, 2011

Roddy Piper bottles himself to prove a point.
posted by eegphalanges at 6:36 PM on February 17, 2011

...but by the time WWE finds out about this, and tries to rip it off, well, their version is pretty much bound to suck.

Suck is not the word. I don't know what to call this.
posted by Kandarp Von Bontee at 6:47 PM on February 17, 2011

Pro wrestling is more audacious postmodern theater than "audacious" postmodern theater.

Also, textbook worm, you guys. Textbook worm.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:43 PM on February 17, 2011

Thanks for posting this! I've been champing at the bit but know the Portal guys to say hi to so figured it was too self-linkish. I'm just gonna quote and respond because it's not every day MeFi has a big post on one of my central obsessions (and also sources of income)

Oh my god, wrestling is awesome. I had no idea.
posted by phunniemee at 2:17 PM

I didn't get into it until I was in my mid 20s. I feel like so much time was wasted, just wasted :(

Uh. Well, I guess the good thing of this is that they didn't a sparkling mummy or something.
posted by Iosephus at 2:40 PM

Do what now?

Could professional wrestling get any more homoerotic? (NTTIAWWT)
posted by punkfloyd at 2:48 PM

It can always get more homoerotic.

I pay this clip my highest compliment: that's weird enough that it could have happened in Japan.
posted by The Tensor at 2:51 PM

It probably has; I'm pretty sure the Egyptians have gone over to wrestle.

CHIKARA is a great thing to watch, so is Ring of Honor on the far opposite end of the spectrum.
posted by andreaazure at 3:26 PM

CHIKARA is indeed a great thing to watch. They've come so far since their first shows almost a decade ago, with a few dozen people at a Lehigh Valley rec hall and current WWE star CM Punk* as one of their main event heels. Now they pack hundreds into various Lehigh Valley rec halls, and owner/trainer Mike Quackenbush has molded enough young minds to command a veritable CHIKArmy**.

Dunno if I'd call ROH its "opposite;" both have featured high-flyers, and CHIKARA talent (Quack, Hallowicked, Jigsaw, the Kings of Wrestling, and others) have been featured on their cards. They do take themselves a bit more seriously, but there's still plenty of fun to be had.

If you like either of those, or the Dragon Gate USA shows that've been running on PPV and iPPV lately, check out some of the stuff I work on (especially if you live within driving distance of Chicago):
Berwyn, IL's AAW: Pro Wrestling Redefined, which aims for a synthesis of ROH-style wrestling and WWE-style storylines, and SHIMMER Women Athletes, brainchild of ROH announcer Dave Prazak.

I think what continued to chip away at the facade was that, after so many futile attempts, no one could make Brutus the Barber Beefcake's Sleeper Hold or Ted Dibiase's Million Dollar Dream work as advertised.
posted by krippledkonscious at 5:05 PM

GOOGLE RON PAUL REAR NAKED CHOKE

I'm trying to arrange a trip out to Eastern PA for the King of Trios tournament in mid-April. I've been out twice so far, and if you think this stuff looks fun in a little tiny YouTube window, well, it's about a MILLION BILLION~! times better seeing it with a couple hundred other fans who are willing to suspend disbelief (often, in Chikara's case, with the aid of inexpensive draft Yuengling) and yell and stomp and shout. If anyone else is gonna be there, let me know, and we will have the nerdiest meetup in Metafilter history.

Speaking of which, next week I'm shooting a wrestling show in Michigan for Internet PPV.

The promotion's run by a group of entertainers that Metafilter is quite familiar with.

SOMEBODY on here's got to live within driving distance of the show, and be down for a MeFi meetup...

...at a pro wrestling show...

...run by the INSANE CLOWN POSSE.


* not to be confused with CP Munk
** Also, Bob Saget is their commissioner.
posted by jtron at 7:44 PM on February 17, 2011 [7 favorites]

Dismaying things I've recently learned: MetaFilter loves wrestling and Phil Collins.

Jesus camel-fucking Christ, y'all.
BitterOldPunk

You got the bitter and old part right...Come on, if you can't watch this clip of pure goofy fun and not smile, I don't know what blackened dead thing you've got in your chest, but it's no heart.
posted by Sangermaine at 7:48 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

argh I somehow forgot to include this link to the King of Trios 2011 page... go check out the wide array of talent coming in :)
posted by jtron at 7:52 PM on February 17, 2011

My chief complaint about fake/pro/television/whatever wrestling isn't that it's staged, it's that it's cheesy and horrible. The strawman here is that there are people who complain that pro wrestling is fake that would actually enjoy it if it were real.
posted by tehloki at 8:09 PM on February 17, 2011

With a special guest appearance by Damian of Fucked Up at around 1:30!

Haha! I thought exactly the same thing.
posted by dobbs at 8:14 PM on February 17, 2011

well Bitter Old Punk is right about the Phil Collins thing. WTF?
posted by angrycat at 8:17 PM on February 17, 2011

who cares if the wrestling is fake? - the dancing's so fake it makes line dancing at a nursing home look like fred astaire
posted by pyramid termite at 8:46 PM on February 17, 2011

The figure four is real. When I was young and my parents were patronizing enough to take me to WWF events with a sign that said "Jimmy Hart the Fart" my brother and I practiced wrestling moves on each other. Only after careful analysis. My brother was younger so I put him in it first. I didn't even apply much pressure but he squealed to the point of tears. Then it was my turn to endure. I also squealed but I probably threatened later bodily harm if he didn't let me out right damn now.

So we agreed never to perform that move again. But at the same time it made us stop to think. Why in the world would anyone LET them do that to them? And why would you do that instead of kneeling on their chest and punching their face? Thus the realness of this move made us come to grips with the fakeness of wrestling.

I continued to watch it for another 20 years. I'd love to find some good, acrobatic indie wrestling groups around the SF Bay Area. Going to see the rollerderby recently has whet my whistle for scripted mayhem.
posted by chemoboy at 8:51 PM on February 17, 2011

I've gotta agree with BitterOldPunk. Except Phil Collins is kinda cool sometimes. The only way pro wrestling would be cool is if it was held in refrigerated arenas.
posted by perilous at 8:55 PM on February 17, 2011

BitterOldPunk: "Dismaying things I've recently learned: MetaFilter loves wrestling and Phil Collins.

Jesus camel-fucking Christ, y'all"

Oh my GAWD! MY gawd, ladies and gentleman, BitterOldPunk with a flawless application of the Greco-Roman Threadshit Maneuver! He's slapped that one on good and tight! I don't think anyone can power out of that move! He he no mercy in his soul?
posted by ShawnStruck at 11:03 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

So good it's...
[_] Good [X] Awful
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 11:50 PM on February 17, 2011

I love Chikara.
posted by Deathalicious at 5:06 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

I continued to watch it for another 20 years. I'd love to find some good, acrobatic indie wrestling groups around the SF Bay Area. Going to see the rollerderby recently has whet my whistle for scripted mayhem.

Dude, they're out there.
posted by Deathalicious at 5:12 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

(Roller derby isn’t scripted anymore.)

jtron, I’ll be in Philly for King of Trios with some friends. We went last year to cheer on our hometown promotion’s team, the F1RST Family, and had a blast. The Fan Conclave on Saturday is totally worthwhile, too—pose for photos, go head-to-head against your favorite wrestler in Connect 4 or Jenga, and sing karaoke duets (turns out Crossbones has a hell of a voice).

I also enjoy how family-friendly CHIKARA is: even the crowd, after seeing a particularly impressive sequence, chants “HO-LY POOP!”
posted by nicepersonality at 6:14 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Is the F1RST Family Cannon, Corbin, and Cruz? Because I love those guys.

Thought I heard something about a Fire Pro game at the fan thing where someone had made CAWs of all the Chikara guys. That may have just been a wonderful dream.
posted by jtron at 7:48 AM on February 18, 2011

That’s them! Sadly, we heard from Cannon that they won’t be at KoT this year.

Fire Pro Club is the place to go for FP edit packs. This one seems to have the biggest collection of CHIKARA wrestlers.
posted by nicepersonality at 8:30 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Holy crap, these guys are coming to Philly in April and I think I need to see it!
posted by orme at 9:07 AM on February 18, 2011

Vern Gagne forgot to retire.

Seems like he forgot just about everything.
posted by Mental Wimp at 9:23 AM on February 18, 2011

I think that's how we should determine elections too, democracy has had a good run, lets try something different for awhile. We can go back if we don't like it.

Didn't I see that in a Mike Judge film?
posted by nzero at 11:58 AM on February 18, 2011

textbook worm > book worm
posted by iconomy at 12:03 PM on February 18, 2011