History is written by the victors
February 19, 2011 5:15 PM Subscribe
This, then, was the yeast on which Barad-Dur rose six centuries ago, that amazing city of alchemists and poets, mechanics and astronomers, philosophers and physicians, the heart of the only civilization in Middle Earth to bet on rational knowledge and bravely pitch its barely adolescent technology against ancient magic. The shining tower of the Barad-Dur
citadel rose over the plains of Mordor almost as high as Orodruin like a monument to Man –
free Man who had politely but firmly declined the guardianship of the Dwellers on High and
started living by his own reason. It was a challenge to the bone-headed aggressive West,
which was still picking lice in its log ‘castles’ to the monotonous chanting of scalds
extolling the wonders of never-existing Númenor.
-- Excerpt from The Last Ringbearer (pdf download), the story of The Lord of The Rings told from the other side (written in Russian by paleontologist Kirill Eskov, translated to English by Yisroel Markov).
“Denethor died a horrible death; supposedly he immolated himself on a funeral pyre. The very next day there was a ready claimant to the throne. You see, there’s an old legend, which no one has taken seriously before, that the ruling Anarion dynasty is only taking care of the throne for the descendants of the mythical Isildur. Such a descendant has shown up – one Aragorn, of the northern rangers. To prove his dynastic rights he produced a sword, supposedly the legendary Andúril, although who had ever seen this Andúril? He also performed several healings by laying of hands, although all those healed were from among his northern followers… Prince Faramir, the heir apparent, retired to Ithilien and is supposedly a prince there under the eye of Captain Beregond – the same one who confirmed Denethor’s ‘self-immolation.’
“And no one in the West objected to all this?”
“Aragorn’s Secret Guard – rumor has it that they’re all living dead, animated by Elvish magic – had quickly taught Gondorians not to ask such questions. As for Éomer, they get whatever they want from him, which is not surprising, since his sister is under guard with Faramir in Ithilien. Actually, it appears that Aragorn himself is an Elvish puppet, and the real ruler of Gondor is Arwen – his wife from Lórien.”
“Denethor died a horrible death; supposedly he immolated himself on a funeral pyre. The very next day there was a ready claimant to the throne. You see, there’s an old legend, which no one has taken seriously before, that the ruling Anarion dynasty is only taking care of the throne for the descendants of the mythical Isildur. Such a descendant has shown up – one Aragorn, of the northern rangers. To prove his dynastic rights he produced a sword, supposedly the legendary Andúril, although who had ever seen this Andúril? He also performed several healings by laying of hands, although all those healed were from among his northern followers… Prince Faramir, the heir apparent, retired to Ithilien and is supposedly a prince there under the eye of Captain Beregond – the same one who confirmed Denethor’s ‘self-immolation.’
“And no one in the West objected to all this?”
“Aragorn’s Secret Guard – rumor has it that they’re all living dead, animated by Elvish magic – had quickly taught Gondorians not to ask such questions. As for Éomer, they get whatever they want from him, which is not surprising, since his sister is under guard with Faramir in Ithilien. Actually, it appears that Aragorn himself is an Elvish puppet, and the real ruler of Gondor is Arwen – his wife from Lórien.”
This post was deleted for the following reason: one post to in the archives bind them -- cortex
I believe the victors already wrote this bit.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:20 PM on February 19, 2011
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:20 PM on February 19, 2011
I CAN POST ANYTHING I WANT WITH IMPUNITY FOR THIS THREAD IS ALREADY CONDEMNED TO BURN IN THE CRACKS OF DOOOOOOOOOM
posted by paisley henosis at 5:23 PM on February 19, 2011
posted by paisley henosis at 5:23 PM on February 19, 2011
Argh. Sorry, I missed it.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:24 PM on February 19, 2011
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:24 PM on February 19, 2011
One does not simply post into Mordor.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:25 PM on February 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:25 PM on February 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
THIS POST NEEDS MORE DINOSAURS but is otherwise an awesome double.
posted by elizardbits at 5:45 PM on February 19, 2011
posted by elizardbits at 5:45 PM on February 19, 2011
I still thinks its crappier than some fan fiction but I would love to have Leo Grin read it just to see him soil himself and then curl up in a fetal position.
posted by Ber at 5:49 PM on February 19, 2011
posted by Ber at 5:49 PM on February 19, 2011
Agree with the young rope-rider, we need more Saturday night posts. The thing I don't understand about all of this alternate reality Tolkien fanfic is how they get around Sauron being the embodiment of evil. I understand the industrialism/agrarianism and related critiques, but still, who wants to live in Sauron's world if he's actually in charge?
posted by mollweide at 5:51 PM on February 19, 2011
posted by mollweide at 5:51 PM on February 19, 2011
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posted by lumensimus at 5:20 PM on February 19, 2011