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There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.
February 24, 2011 3:29 PM   Subscribe

Charlie Sheen shows why he's better than you. In his recent ongoing series of rants, Charlie Sheen finally lets out the big dogs.

Pretty clear he suffers from mental illness ... or damn fine acting to portray it. No, wait. It's Charlie Sheen. I'm going with mental illness.
posted by bigskyguy (413 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite

 
On the Alex Jones show no less. This is going to go so viral it's not even funny. Alex Jones must be PUMPED.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:30 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Mental illness really isn't funny.
posted by kmz at 3:34 PM on February 24, 2011 [15 favorites]


Is he doing a "documentary" or a reality show? I've been burned before.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:34 PM on February 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


Mental illness really isn't funny.

But coked-up Hollywood B-listers are HILARIOUS.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:35 PM on February 24, 2011 [62 favorites]


So I guess he's back on drugs.
posted by anniecat at 3:36 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


IT'S THE HOLLYWOOD "STAR-WHACKERS" AGAIN, OUT TO MAKE CHARLIE LOOK BAD! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
posted by infinitywaltz at 3:37 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


I actually think I prefer it to the public confessional that a lot of celebs do at this stage. Instead of the bashful, penitent play acting on Oprah or whatever that seems to be the next step in image rehabilitation, he's doing Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove: riding that bad boy straight to hell. I think I like him better for this.
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:37 PM on February 24, 2011 [40 favorites]


But coked-up Hollywood B-listers are HILARIOUS.

Heh. Truth.

That reminds me: I wanna see Hurlyburly again. Great flick.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:38 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


As long as we're posting rants from the Alex Jones show: The 'Justin Biebler' rant.
posted by thescientificmethhead at 3:39 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Not everybody who has a meltdown and says far-out, incomprehensible shit can be excused because of a "mental illness"...some of them are just crazy-word-saying assholes.
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:39 PM on February 24, 2011 [20 favorites]


I'm sorry, I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips.
posted by birdherder at 3:40 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Sheen's co-star Jon Cryer revealed some interesting quotes as well during a recent interview:

On his late night affairs:
"Well, usually I try to exercise after work, if I have the time. I try to avoid alcohol and cigarettes as I want to keep my youthful appearance. I do enjoy a few television shows every week, but mostly I need to be in bed by 8:30 to prepare for the next day."

On Chuck Lorre:
"Chuck has provided me a great opportunity and career on his shows, and I look forward to working with him in the future."

On drug addiction:
"I don't do any drugs. My only addiction is a healthy breakfast and a jog in the morning."
posted by Mister Fabulous at 3:42 PM on February 24, 2011 [20 favorites]


Don't look behind you Charlie. It's coming up fast.
posted by Senator at 3:42 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Wait, Carlos Irwin Estevez is busting someone else's chops for taking a stage name?
posted by gjc at 3:44 PM on February 24, 2011 [53 favorites]


I'm not familiar with Alex Jones, but from his current Wiki page, it sounds like this sort of loony banter might fit into Jones' normal shows.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:44 PM on February 24, 2011


BitterOldPunk: "Mental illness really isn't funny.

But coked-up Hollywood B-listers are HILARIOUS
"

He's hardly a B-lister, he's one of the top few earners on television. Only Oprah and Judge Judy make more.
posted by octothorpe at 3:45 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


Goddamn I love some Alex Jones radio in Austin. Worth it for the ads alone.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 3:46 PM on February 24, 2011


Yeah, I don't really think this is mental illness. At least, it's not "hard" illness of the disability sort. Some people have to get medicated and struggle all their lives just to overcome their mental difficulties. This guy, on the other hand, is just a fucking disconnected from reality, burnt out coke head.
posted by gjc at 3:50 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Horrible celebrity is horrible.
posted by crunchland at 3:50 PM on February 24, 2011


"Look what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls. ... they lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, 'I can't process it.' Well, no, and you never will!

I once heard a huge name tennis star (oh, believe me, you know his name/face) pretty much say exactly this in an extended rant about his critics at the time ("You writers, I just look at you and think, 'I work so much harder than you, and that's why I'm up here with (insert name of beautiful woman he married) and you fuckheads are down there with your ugly wives.'") He was, in truth, an incredibly skilled athlete, No. 1 in the world and fully deserving of his on-court accolades.

But it turned out that both he and his beautiful wife were really high a lot of the time.

There's a certain kind of narcissism that breeds excellence and self-destruction at the same time. Very weird. You can certainly be excellent without being a jackass (hi, Pete Sampras), but for some people, the two just go hand-in-hand.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:51 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Oh, bless his heart, that boy is tweaking.
posted by dejah420 at 3:51 PM on February 24, 2011 [24 favorites]


But it turned out that both he and his beautiful wife were really high a lot of the time.

Man I'm wracking my brain and I just can't figure out which former No. 1 tennis player you could POSSIBLY MEAN.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:52 PM on February 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


I'm on the payroll as one of his assassins. I'm going after Justin Bieber tonight. He won't tell me why.
posted by Mental Wimp at 3:52 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


YEAH IT'S A HELL OF A DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGG!!!!!!!!
posted by infinitywaltz at 3:52 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm still trying to figure out who the hell watches Two and Half Men. That being said, this Prince of Darkness shit is totally awesome.
posted by phaedon at 3:52 PM on February 24, 2011 [10 favorites]


In this clip from the interview Sheen discusses "Apocalypse Now" and says the film can "teach you how to live inside of a moment between a moment."
posted by thescientificmethhead at 3:53 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm still trying to figure out who the hell watches Two and Half Men.

He already answered that:

"Look what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls. ... they lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, 'I can't process it.'"

posted by mazola at 3:53 PM on February 24, 2011


CPB, I can't believe you left out the best part of that quote:

Look what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls. I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee...

He thinks it makes him sound like badass, but really it just sounds like he plays Counter-Strike before work or something.
posted by rkent at 3:54 PM on February 24, 2011 [20 favorites]


So apparently it's hard to tell the difference between mania and being coked up? Seriously, I'm curious.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:55 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:55 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


I'm still trying to figure out who the hell watches Two and Half Men.

The only person I know who watches Two and a Half Men is my friend the stoner lesbian sex addict.

Draw your own conclusions.
posted by palomar at 3:55 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


And going after Chuck Lorre ... wow ... Lorre will be running CBS in the not-too-distant future, while Sheen will get older and not age well and we'll all be going, "Wasn't that the guy that was in Wall Street and Platoon and we all thought would be regarded as one of the greatest actors of his generation? Wasn't he the lead in a movie that won Best Picture? Duuuude."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:56 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I've got this look, it's not a movie star look, it's more like one of those rent-a-look-alike looks, but people frequently in my youth told me that I looked like this or that actor, attractive and not. Now that I'm older, and put on a little too much weight, I only get compared to Charlie Sheen, especially my driver's license photo. That's pretty goddamn depressing — every time. I'd rather go back to the days when bouncers looked at my crazy smile on the driver's license and said things like Dude, you look like you just ate a chunk of human flesh.

Come to think of it, maybe there is a reason I get compared to Sheen.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:56 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Charlie Sheen – Good afternoon Mr. President, thank you so much for taking time out of your demanding schedule.

President Barack Obama – My pleasure, the content of your request seemed like something I should carve out a few minutes for.

posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:56 PM on February 24, 2011


Where's Benjamin Willard when you need him? Terminate your son, with extreme prejudice.
posted by davebush at 3:57 PM on February 24, 2011


He's hardly a B-lister, he's one of the top few earners on television. Only Oprah and Judge Judy make more.

I think his hairstyle qualifies him as a C-lister, his income makes him an A+ lister, Two and a Half Men is on CBS so he's a D-Lister....so add it all up and if we're being generous he's a B(-) lister.
posted by anniecat at 3:57 PM on February 24, 2011 [14 favorites]


So apparently it's hard to tell the difference between mania and being coked up? Seriously, I'm curious.

I mean, if you ran out and did some coke for the first time in your life you wouldn't suddenly be like this, but after years of use, sure. It is truly a hell of a drug. The more you use it kind of the crazier you get each time you use it. It's weird. Like going back to a hole you've been digging and digging a little further each time.
posted by nathancaswell at 3:57 PM on February 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


He's hardly a B-lister, he's one of the top few earners on television. Only Oprah and Judge Judy make more.

I think he gets the B-list status because he used to be a movie star, and now he's reduced to being a TV "star". On a fucking CBS volleyball comedy.

(I just invented that phrase, I think. The script is just like a game of one-liner volleyball: serve, set, bump, spike; set, bump, spike; set, bump spike; rotate positions and commercial. And like beach volleyball, it's a lot of hard work for the players, but it's just eye candy for the viewers.)
posted by gjc at 3:58 PM on February 24, 2011 [59 favorites]


Worth it for this line alone ... "If they want me in it, it's a smash. If they don't, it's a turd that opens on a tugboat."
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 3:59 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks.

He's hanging out with Lenny Dykstra, so he's in good crazy company.
posted by fixedgear at 4:00 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Two and a Half Men is on CBS so he's a D-Lister

If by D-Lister you mean lead role on the most popular show on the most popular television network in the country ... then, sure.

Does D stand for "dynamite" or something?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:00 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


How can you call Charlie Sheen a B-Lister? He was in Hot Shots! for fuck's sake. Christ, what assholes.
posted by phaedon at 4:00 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WATCH IT BUT IT'S KIND OF NOT REALLY A VERY GOOD SHOW THAT MUCH.
posted by infinitywaltz at 4:01 PM on February 24, 2011 [16 favorites]


I think Charlie Sheen is the reason why Two and a Half Men is successful. Two and a Half Men isn't so much bad as entirely typical and unspecial. There are a lot of comedies that have came and went that were around the same quality as Two and a Half Men and their mediocrity was no more conducive to success than real excellence. Sheen is what makes it work the trick to the show is you have a nice loser and a mean winner and the show lets you be the winner. I don't think you can have just anyone do that, be sort of repugnant but fundamentally appealing. Jon Cryer does well too because he is pathetic enough to deserve the viewers scorn but still remains sympathetic. But I think even though Sheen seems to sort of sleep walk through it, he's doing something that by virtue of who he is not many people could do.
posted by I Foody at 4:02 PM on February 24, 2011 [9 favorites]


For context as to the show he's on here is Alex Jones as Darth Vader talking about the New World Order.
posted by nathancaswell at 4:02 PM on February 24, 2011


Based on their interviews, both Sheen and Cryer basically play themselves on Two and Half Men. Not sure if that's funny or sad.
posted by tommasz at 4:03 PM on February 24, 2011


If by D-Lister you mean lead role on the most popular show on the most popular television network in the country ... then, sure.

Is popular synonymous with good now?
posted by anniecat at 4:05 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Memealicious.
posted by Sebmojo at 4:05 PM on February 24, 2011


President Barack Obama – And I appreciate that Charlie. Big fan of the show, by the way.

DID NONE OF YOU THINK TO CHECK ON THIS?
posted by tumid dahlia at 4:05 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


These comments do not seem to be out of touch with reality to me. He's just an asshole.

The jetfighter imagery is pretty sad, though.
posted by grobstein at 4:06 PM on February 24, 2011



I actually think I prefer it to the public confessional that a lot of celebs do at this stage. Instead of the bashful, penitent play acting on Oprah or whatever that seems to be the next step in image rehabilitation, he's doing Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove: riding that bad boy straight to hell. I think I like him better for this.


Don't worry, soon enough he'll sober up and do the humble bit.
posted by Red Loop at 4:06 PM on February 24, 2011


So apparently it's hard to tell the difference between mania and being coked up? Seriously, I'm curious.

Context helps us imagine a distinction, I bet. Drug-fueled mania is usually a bit more ragged and aggressive.
posted by gjc at 4:08 PM on February 24, 2011


Is popular synonymous with good now?

Judging by some of the reactions to Arcade Fire winning a Grammy...uh...maybe?
posted by infinitywaltz at 4:08 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


My mother's side of the family all think Two and a Half Men is the height of TV comedy. Strangely, my boss, who generally has the entertainment tastes you'd expect from an old college professor, also likes it.
posted by dirigibleman at 4:08 PM on February 24, 2011


Is popular synonymous with good now?

An A-lister is an actor who is very popular and thus commands a high salary for their work. "Good" doesn't enter into it.
posted by dirigibleman at 4:11 PM on February 24, 2011 [9 favorites]


How can you call Charlie Sheen a B-Lister?

He's a blister, not B-Lister. Irritating and full of pus.

Boo-urns
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:12 PM on February 24, 2011 [11 favorites]


A-list, B-list, D-list, whatever it is, he's listing, for sure. Like a damaged ship.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:12 PM on February 24, 2011 [9 favorites]


Red Loop--

No, I don't think he will. I believe I read that the worse he does, the higher his ratings go.

And, for the record, I'm not sure I know of any other show like Two And A Half Men. The entire conceit of the show is "Look at us sugarcoat this yutz -- hell, we gave him a damn kid, and he's still irrepressible". Having him actually be the same guy in real life (but without the safe-for-TV stuff) only helps.
posted by effugas at 4:13 PM on February 24, 2011


Come on, you have to admire how in the mix Charlie Sheen is given his "Cheech at the end of Up in Smoke" level of insanity. Has CBS cancelled the show? Fuck no. Any advertisers pulling out? Fuck no. This guy poops out golden eggs for a living.
posted by phaedon at 4:13 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Alex Jones must be PUMPED.

You don't know the half of it
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:14 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Well, then. We are watching yet another famous person disintegrate before our eyes, in a particularly "up yours, buddy" manner. Yeah, he IS "riding that bad boy straight to hell" and if you really think about it, it's horrifying.

If I were a more callused person I'd be taking bets as to whether he lasts out the year. Not in the series. In this life.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:16 PM on February 24, 2011


Ok, If he is hanging with Nails I don't think he is on Drugs. I think he is doing some sort of crazy self affirmation stuff 24/7 that makes him actually believe he is king of the world.

Or he's on drugs
posted by Ad hominem at 4:16 PM on February 24, 2011


Cocaine is a helluva drug.
posted by iamabot at 4:18 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Yep, he stars on America's most popular half-hour TV series (by a solid margin). How can he add to that audience? Maybe the same way Glenn Beck does?
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:18 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


If I were a more callused [sic] person

You just gotta get out there and get those hands upon the plow.

we loved you then and we love you now
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:19 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Anyway, there's a half decent chance this meltdown is completely staged. Or at least encouraged.

If there's a dip in the ratings, it'll stop silently.
posted by effugas at 4:20 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Is popular synonymous with good now?

Fess up, anniecat -- you're a Vatican Warlock Assassin, and you've been on assignment in another dimension for the last twenty years. Am I right?
posted by steambadger at 4:21 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


"We work for the Pope, we murder people. We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?"

I'll bet it's the poison communion wafers. Or the gas in the confessionals. Or nuns with steel-edged rulers.
posted by bigskyguy at 4:22 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


He considers himself an A-List star.
posted by zippy at 4:22 PM on February 24, 2011


We are watching yet another famous person disintegrate before our eyes,...

Like Joaquin Phoenix?
posted by Mental Wimp at 4:22 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


If I were a more callused person I'd be taking bets as to whether he lasts out the year.

If David Crosby made it, Sheen can too.

Boy in Police Station: Drugs?
Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight.
Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie: Why are you here?
Boy in Police Station: Drugs.

posted by Joe Beese at 4:24 PM on February 24, 2011 [13 favorites]


Hmm. Just did a little bit of research. Apparently they're only going to be able to deliver 20 episodes of Two And A Half Men, instead of 24, supposedly because of these shenanigans.

That's real money. Yikes.
posted by effugas at 4:25 PM on February 24, 2011


After reading that, I like him a lot more than I did before. Well, he didn't register before, basically. But that was some high quality ranting right there.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:27 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't really care if he is mentally ill, or stuffed to the gills on drugs. Two and a Half Men is audio-visual pollution most toxic, and for helping churn that crap out into the world, he deserves to burn.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:28 PM on February 24, 2011


I blame kacey jordan and money.
posted by clavdivs at 4:29 PM on February 24, 2011


I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips. I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips. I GOT MAGIC AND I GOT POETRY IN MY FINGERTIPS.


I'm writing a paper tonight, and that line is gonna get me through it.
posted by you're a kitty! at 4:32 PM on February 24, 2011 [13 favorites]


That's real money. Yikes.

Try a quarter of a billion dollars.

They're already trying to replace him.

And why not? If Valerie's Family could get along without Valerie...
posted by Joe Beese at 4:32 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sheen seems quite like Gene Simmons to me - I could spend a month picking at both of them with a magnifying glass and tweezers, and I won't find a single fiber of likability.
posted by davebush at 4:33 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


An A-lister is an actor who is very popular and thus commands a high salary for their work.

He's getting paid an insane amount of money from only one show on CBS. He's not able to command that salary or get a number of terrific leading man roles from movie studios. To me, that doesn't put him on the A list.

Somehow I don't picture Charlie Sheen hanging out with George Clooney, Hugh Jackman, or Brad Pitt. Charlie Sheen is maybe a couple of steps above Mickey Rourke and, if he doesn't die in the next few weeks, he'll turn into Gary Busey. I'm pretty sure even Robert Downey Jr thinks that guy is a trainwreck beyond hope and Robert Downey Jr is an A-Lister who I can see hanging out with other A-Listers.

Plus, he's not in-demand except for on that show, and acting on television is lower on the respectability scale than in the movies.
posted by anniecat at 4:34 PM on February 24, 2011 [12 favorites]


I love the line about how he's powerful, he has magic in his fingertips, and how he's a jetfighter EVEN DURING NAPS. That's something only a very high person can say. When you're high thoughts like "Yeah, I'm tough, but shit, I know they're thinking of getting me when I'm napping, so I better say something to let them know that aint gonna work!"

I'm also unable to read the transcript without hearing Dennis Hopper's voice now.
posted by damn dirty ape at 4:35 PM on February 24, 2011 [14 favorites]


This covers what you can call A-List.
posted by anniecat at 4:35 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Don't give Charlie a hard time. He's running to be the next ruler of Libya.
posted by dortmunder at 4:37 PM on February 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


playing the petite bourgeoisie on TV only reinforces false consciousness that lays waste to our programming schedule.
posted by clavdivs at 4:38 PM on February 24, 2011


In my fantasy world, Charlie Sheen and Glen Beck get involved in a feud that runs like Metafilter fights, devolving into ever more petty and irrelevant minutiae that allows everyone else to ignore them. IT WOULD BE AWESOME!

Fight crazy with crazy, Charlie!
posted by klangklangston at 4:38 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Charlie Sheen: always looks your best.
posted by bwg at 4:40 PM on February 24, 2011


flashbacks from Platoon
posted by clavdivs at 4:40 PM on February 24, 2011


I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee—Charlie Sheen

He thinks it makes him sound like badass, but really it just sounds like he plays Counter-Strike before work or something. —rkent at 3:54 PM on February 24

I honestly thought it was reference to diarrhea and was half inclined to look up the effects of cocaine on GI processes before realizing it was all TMI.
posted by jamaro at 4:41 PM on February 24, 2011 [14 favorites]


In popular usage outside the movie industry, an "A-list celebrity" simply refers to any person with an admired or desirable social status.

If you're going to go with that definition, I'd say it's hard to believe his social status is admired or desirable, since it seems like, socially, he isn't really well-like by anyone but drug addicts, hookers, and strippers.
posted by anniecat at 4:41 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


and it's just strafing runs in my underwear

I used to hate it when that happened after a hard night's binging with hookers and blow, but now there's CleanoSheen! The Undergrunder Sunder Wonder!
posted by Sparx at 4:42 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


he isn't really well-like by anyone but drug addicts, hookers, and strippers.

In my neighborhood, that is the A-List.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:43 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I dunno -- from the comments I expected the audio to be in Mel Gibson-land, but while maybe a bit coke-grandiose, Sheen sounds pretty calm and just like your average massive ShowBid narcissist.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:43 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Charlie Sheen is maybe a couple of steps above Mickey Rourke and

I saw Mickey Rourke trying to pick up a woman who was handing out flyers for a nail salon on the street and fail. While The Wrestler was out.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:44 PM on February 24, 2011 [36 favorites]


"I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."
Rockstar, man. Totally rockstar.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:44 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


If Sheen leaves CBS and “Two and a Half Men,” said Brooks, “it’s almost a certainty they’d give it a try” without him.

Despondent over the tragic death of his brother, Jon Cryer puts his son in foster care and aimlessly wanders the American landscape. Inexplicably, he wakes up one day to find himself in Deadwood, Dakota Territory, in 1877. After one episode, he is stabbed to death by an enraged prostitute and fed to a drove of pigs. The show expands to an hour, changes it's name, and goes from there.
posted by steambadger at 4:46 PM on February 24, 2011 [43 favorites]


Boy, Sheen may be worth a boatload to the network and the studio, but in terms of pure dollar value, he's no Chuck Lorre, especially if it seems like he can't work anyway. I would guess Sheen is going to lose that fight if he insists on picking it.

If I were a betting lady, I'd bet the plug finally gets pulled on this nonsense in about the next 24 hours, with the show at the very least scrapped for the season.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 4:53 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Somehow I don't picture Charlie Sheen hanging out with George Clooney, Hugh Jackman, or Brad Pitt.

Clooney, Jackman and Pitt haven't been on TV for ages, and in Jackman's case, was never a fixture on American TV. I'm somewhat speculating here, but it's possible that -- just looking at actor paydays and setting aside Clooney/Pitt/Jackman's roles as producers/directors -- that Sheen has outearned two or three of those guys combined over the past three years.

I'm pretty sure even Robert Downey Jr thinks that guy is a trainwreck beyond hope

Downey has more talent in his little finger than Sheen has in his entire body. I will say the same about Clooney/Pitt/Jackman.

But the key comparison with Downey is the cost of a completion bond. Downey had completion bonds paid for by others in several cases. They took those risks because they recognized Downey's immense talent.

The cost of a Charlie Sheen completion bond is probably enormous. And I don't see anyone picking up the tab for him. So, yeah, his future earnings just fell quite a bit.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:55 PM on February 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


Martin, you wanna straighten out your brat here or what?

(Shame, I liked him in Platoon, Wall Street and Major League).
posted by jonmc at 4:58 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


They probably would have put him in Wallstreet II (in more then a cameo) If he hadn't been such a nutcase.
posted by delmoi at 5:01 PM on February 24, 2011


steambadger: Despondent over the tragic death of his brother, Jon Cryer puts his son in foster care and aimlessly wanders the American landscape. Inexplicably, he wakes up one day to find himself in Deadwood, Dakota Territory, in 1877. After one episode, he is stabbed to death by an enraged prostitute and fed to a drove of pigs. The show expands to an hour, changes it's name, and goes from there.

That is the one episode I would watch.

The Wikipedia section on Speculation about Charlie Sheen's departure is an interesting history of his bounces into and out of rehab, and comments that he was thinking of leaving the show before (including complaints that $1 million PER EPISODE wasn't enough).
posted by filthy light thief at 5:01 PM on February 24, 2011


Can anyone explain this A/B/C/D list thing? Who gets to be what? Is it movie stars verses TV stars verses former stars verses reality stars? Is it based on money? Talent? There must be a formula, right?
posted by jenlovesponies at 5:03 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Isn't the 2.5 Men Character just a TV-14 version of Charlie Sheen? While the Tiffany Network may be somewhat embarrassed by his offscreen shenanigans, they must really love the ratings that will happen when the show returns to air. It is an obvious moneymaker for the network and there's not an easy replacement.
posted by birdherder at 5:03 PM on February 24, 2011



I CURED IT WITH MY BRAIN.

That's my next tattoo.
posted by nola at 5:04 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


charlie is B+
posted by clavdivs at 5:04 PM on February 24, 2011


He should definitely hook up with Lindsay Lohan.
posted by delmoi at 5:06 PM on February 24, 2011


He should definitely hook up with Lindsay Lohan.

Why, does he know a place to pawn stolen jewelery?
posted by jonmc at 5:07 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


in jail?
posted by clavdivs at 5:09 PM on February 24, 2011


He'd have to keister stash it.
posted by jonmc at 5:09 PM on February 24, 2011


hanging out with war movies, SF, tattoo folk and mounds of coke does require some diplomacy, I say Charlie and Kim Jong should hook up, make a film, sort this whole thing out.
posted by clavdivs at 5:11 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Man did Denise Richards make the right call or what?
posted by nathancaswell at 5:11 PM on February 24, 2011 [15 favorites]


Can anyone explain this A/B/C/D list thing? Who gets to be what? Is it movie stars verses TV stars verses former stars verses reality stars? Is it based on money? Talent? There must be a formula, right?

I linked it above already. See here.
posted by anniecat at 5:11 PM on February 24, 2011


zippy: He considers himself an A-List star.

An a-lister whose continued support of AOL for email is highly valued.
posted by filthy light thief at 5:12 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Charlie Sheen talks like Charlie Manson.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 5:13 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


For what its worth, he's got terrible taste in hookers.
posted by phaedon at 5:14 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


My great uncle is a lifelong best friend of Martin Sheen and spends his summer vacations away from the monastery at Martin's villa. He's also Charlie's godfather. Somehow, I've not managed to swing this into "visiting Uncle Steve at Martin Sheen's house" yet...

He has forced my father to start watching the damn show, though, when it's on.

(I have a really cool photo of Martin and my uncle in the upstairs bedroom at my great grandmother's house, chillin' out, pre-Apocalypse Now.)
posted by disillusioned at 5:14 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Man did Denise Richards make the right call or what?

Agreed. Starship Troopers was an excellent pick.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:15 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Sure, Charlie Sheen isn't an A-list celebrity in the traditional sense…

But who cares? If you had the choice would you rather:
a) appear in Rolex ads, walk the red carpet, etc;
b) or, earn $2,000,000 for just being yourself except on TV for 22mins?

(hint: count the zeroes)
posted by quosimosaur at 5:16 PM on February 24, 2011 [10 favorites]


Charlie Sheen talks like Charlie Manson.

And we've never seen them photographed together, now, have we...?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:16 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I should also mention that my father's brother once wrote a letter to Martin asking him for advice on breaking into the business. Sheen responded with an emphatic warning to simply not, citing the drug problems and horrible tearing-apart-of-family it can do to you. And this was 20 years ago. Prescient, that. Same letter-writer had a brief stint in a Miami jail for moving cocaine... poorly... so I don't think it would've mattered much, but still...
posted by disillusioned at 5:17 PM on February 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


"... and all the lousy little poets* comin' round,
tryin' to sound like Charlie Manson..."

*fingertip poets
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:18 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Man did Denise Richards make the right call or what?

I know, who ever thought she would come out looking like the sane one by a very wide margin?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:18 PM on February 24, 2011 [12 favorites]


I should also mention that my father's brother once wrote a letter to Martin asking him for advice on breaking into the business. Sheen responded with an emphatic warning to simply not,

"They'd probably give me a medal...they didn't know that I wasn't in their fucking army anymore..."
posted by jonmc at 5:18 PM on February 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


Winning.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 5:23 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ha! I'm detecting some misdirected jealousy here in the various avenues of condemnation.

Damn near everyone has had a job where they have fantasized about publicly telling their boss to go fuck themselves, consequences be damned. Sheen gets to do that and the possible outcomes are either he gets fired and walks away with hundreds of millions of dollars or he keeps his obscenely high-paying job after having publicly told his boss to go fuck himself.

Burn.
posted by vapidave at 5:24 PM on February 24, 2011 [12 favorites]


...here him take a *cough* break somewere near the end.
I'd would bet my shoes he was ya-yay-yoed.
I would classify this as a rant/emotional drug induced fanzine// back off or/ i re-watched 'dunt-tada -dunt-dunt' for a reason, yes/ i make goobs of cash for pudding heads.

Thomas Jeffersom well, that was plain wrong but I understand.

"Work on monday...shit"
(playboy bunnies/fuel-trade/french dining)
posted by clavdivs at 5:25 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


The man is monumentally f'd up and a not-trivial number of mocking, sneering comments are this community at its worst.
posted by ambient2 at 5:25 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


that would be 'son'
gurggle-gurrggle
posted by clavdivs at 5:26 PM on February 24, 2011


For what its worth, he's got terrible taste in hookers.

Agree. You pay hookers to go away, to fade into the night and never be seen again. You don't treat porn actresses like they are hookers, because actresses want to be seen.

He should definitely hook up with Lindsay Lohan.


Leave that poor girl out of this.

I blame kacey jordan and money.

Leave that poor girl out of this.
posted by gjc at 5:28 PM on February 24, 2011


Just got the press release that CBS is discontinuing production for the remainder of the season, so.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 5:28 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Smells like bipolar to me. Hope he considers taking the proper medication.
posted by jokeefe at 5:29 PM on February 24, 2011


Today, Lulz has a new king.

I will follow him gladly into the breach.

Eyes bright. Sinuses full.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 5:31 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I Foody: "I think even though Sheen seems to sort of sleep walk through it, he's doing something that by virtue of who he is not many people could do."

I can't say I would describe it as appealing. It sure is unique.

It's a machine designed to completely trap Sheen in his self-created persona, a hall of mirrors with suicide at the end. We all get to yuk it up along the way, but make no mistake, when we watch that show, we are watching incredibly hardcore psychological torture. One hundred percent mutually consented and contracted, mind, but we are watching a man eat himself alive.
posted by mwhybark at 5:31 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


The man is monumentally f'd up and a not-trivial number of mocking, sneering comments are this community at its worst.

I'm cool with mocking and sneering at people who have the resources and opportunity to get off the goofballs, and instead dive deeper in and shit in the hand that feeds them. He knows better, and chooses worse. Fuck him.
posted by gjc at 5:32 PM on February 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


Metafilter: a not-trivial number of mocking, sneering comments
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:32 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Just in: "CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of “Two and a Half Men” for the remainder of the season. " from NPR's pop culture blog
posted by grapesaresour at 5:32 PM on February 24, 2011


Yyyyyes. Exactly.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 5:33 PM on February 24, 2011


Well I mean you got to make room for The Charlie Sheen Show.
posted by phaedon at 5:33 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Hmm. Just did a little bit of research. Apparently they're only going to be able to deliver 20 episodes of Two And A Half Men, instead of 24, supposedly because of these shenanigans.

Sheenanigans!
posted by mannequito at 5:33 PM on February 24, 2011 [12 favorites]


CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of “Two and a Half Men” for the remainder of the season.

Winning.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 5:36 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Well I mean you got to make room for The Charlie Sheen Show.

After his show gets cancelled, I can guess MTV Networks, A&E, Disovery,or E! will have such a show. He'll get paid a fraction of what he got to from CBS but enough to keep him up to his elbows in hookers and blow for the foreseeable future.
posted by birdherder at 5:38 PM on February 24, 2011


It's a good thing he's got that assassin gig to fall back on.
posted by grapesaresour at 5:38 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


Somehow this kind of stuff just isn't as cool as it was in '85 or '79 or '68.

One thing that is ALWAYS COOL, is partying like a rockstar without losing your shit and going on the radio while suffering from manic delusions and drug induced psychosis.

Sorry Charlie, I love you, but you're a loser.
posted by snsranch at 5:40 PM on February 24, 2011


Smells like bipolar to me. Hope he considers taking the proper medication.

A definite possibility. With coke-heads, it is a "chicken or the egg" problem. But in my experience, limited to a few friends and family, it is a personality issue that makes coke seem like a good idea. Not a biochemical one. That's what booze is for.

(Then again, cocaine was invented so you can keep drinking, so what do I know?)
posted by gjc at 5:40 PM on February 24, 2011


Metafilter: It won't destroy the atmosphere, we are not photonic playboys"
posted by clavdivs at 5:40 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


It's a machine designed to completely trap Sheen in his self-created persona, a hall of mirrors with suicide at the end. We all get to yuk it up along the way, but make no mistake, when we watch that show, we are watching incredibly hardcore psychological torture. One hundred percent mutually consented and contracted, mind, but we are watching a man eat himself alive.

This description of Two and a Half Men makes it sound like a far more interesting show than the one I occasionally see a couple minutes of.
posted by box at 5:41 PM on February 24, 2011 [16 favorites]


He'll get paid a fraction of what he got to from CBS but enough to keep him up to his elbows in hookers

Leave that poor girl out of this!
posted by gjc at 5:41 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of “Two and a Half Men”

Nobody makes fun of AA and gets away with it.
posted by phaedon at 5:42 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm cool with mocking and sneering at people who have the resources and opportunity to get off the goofballs, and instead dive deeper in and shit in the hand that feeds them. He knows better, and chooses worse. Fuck him.

Some people, when they are not well and lack awareness, they show their ignorance and poor judgment through their words and deeds.
posted by ambient2 at 5:42 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Ha! I'm detecting some misdirected jealousy here in the various avenues of condemnation.

In a world where people like Hugh Jackman and George Clooney and Heidi Klum and Tina Fey and Will Smith exist (so many of the other stars that are wealthy and not drug addicts and not locking strippers in bathrooms and saying anti-Semitic things in private or public and not believing that 9/11 is a conspiracy), it's difficult to feel jealous of Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan or Amy Winehouse or Mel Gibson.

There's a point where "haters gonna hate because they're jealous" just doesn't apply.
posted by anniecat at 5:43 PM on February 24, 2011 [17 favorites]


It's a machine designed to completely trap Sheen in his self-created persona, a hall of mirrors with suicide at the end.

I hope it'll be televised.
posted by clarknova at 5:44 PM on February 24, 2011


i would play the unpinned charlie in thread, but Kurtz would be my least worry.
INVISIBLE ROTO JETTESCADES
posted by clavdivs at 5:45 PM on February 24, 2011


He was, in truth, an incredibly skilled athlete, No. 1 in the world and fully deserving of his on-court accolades.
But it turned out that both he and his beautiful wife were really high a lot of the time
There's a certain kind of narcissism that breeds excellence and self-destruction at the same time..


Why "but"?
Why not "and"?
Why is "getting high" akin to "self destruction"?

Do you mean "I thought he was great, but then I found out he 'got high' and then he wasn't so great"? Is that what you mean?
posted by telstar at 5:49 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Methamphetamine is a helluva drug.
posted by gingerest at 5:51 PM on February 24, 2011


Why "but"?
Why not "and"?
Why is "getting high" akin to "self destruction"?


wow
posted by nathancaswell at 5:52 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I just listened to the recording - all 19:00 of it.

And I think if he's not clinically manic, he's coked up to an equal level of insanity.

And I wouldn't wish that on anyone unless they had done me some personal evil.

I hope he finds the help he needs.
posted by Joe Beese at 5:53 PM on February 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


"Dammit Charlie Sheen! Don't say cocaine ideas at this audience! HEY! Don't you do cocaine at me, you son of a bitch!"
posted by Drexen at 5:53 PM on February 24, 2011 [19 favorites]


I've been hearing about Charlie's demise for a long time now. Omigod he's on drugs, he's gonna die soon! Then a couple years later I hear he's being paid even more to be an even bigger star. The chorus starts up again "Omigod it's all gonna end in ruin and suicide!"

I wonder if Sheen will drink enough and snort enough to eventually end up as President of the United States of America?
posted by telstar at 5:56 PM on February 24, 2011


Some people, when they are not well and lack awareness, they show their ignorance and poor judgment through their words and deeds.

He is a grown-ass man who has been to rehab multiple times. He can't claim ignorance. Poor judgment, maybe. But booze and alcohol can't make words and actions come out of someone who doesn't already have them in them. It just turns off the internal censors. You have to have some pretty messed up beliefs and attitudes to even WANT that kind of high.

The booze and alcohol fairy (Andy Dick) doesn't just come around you and hit you with a speedball and BAM you're addicted. It takes concentrated effort to get to the point of addiction.
posted by gjc at 5:57 PM on February 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of “Two and a Half Men” for the remainder of the season.

Aaaaand a few hundred people just lost their jobs. Because CHARLIE SHEEN IS A WINNER.

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by scody at 5:59 PM on February 24, 2011 [34 favorites]


Christ, what a glorious asshole!

Seriously, would you look at the size of that thing? It blocks the sun! It could shit out the entirety of New Jersey in one go!

Man, I hate coke and I don't even really care who Sheen is, but I think I could manage it just to see him rant like that live. Thankfully I don't think they make 'em like that any more.

High priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom.
posted by loquacious at 5:59 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I saw Mickey Rourke trying to pick up a woman who was handing out flyers for a nail salon on the street and fail. While The Wrestler was out.

But he's got such a way with women.
posted by Ufez Jones at 5:59 PM on February 24, 2011


There must be a formula, right?

No, it's horseshit for the most part. Some of the A-Listers deserve to be on the list but some don't. Quentin Tarantino has proven the list doesn't mean anything over and over by making good movies and boatloads of money with D-listers in lead parts. Mostly the list is made up of people with: a bit of talent, great PR people, and smart choices over scripts.
posted by P.o.B. at 6:12 PM on February 24, 2011


Man, I hate coke

But... you're so loquacious.
posted by nathancaswell at 6:13 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I goggled around to see about when the show was canceled, and it turns out was canceled specifically because of his rants.
CBS halted production of Two and a Half Men on Thursday after Charlie Sheen lambasted the show's creator in bizarre interviews.

"Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen's statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of Two and a Half Men for the remainder of the season," says producer Warner Bros. Television and the network that broadcasts the program, CBS.
Soo... that was pretty stupid. Alex Jones is a nutcase, and Sheen was probably just acting crazy to go along with the show.
posted by delmoi at 6:14 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I don't know how to answer the getting high and self-destruction bit, other than to say, dude, ease up a little. There's different kinds of high.

Let's just quote Adam Carolla: "I'd rather live in a city entirely made up of marijuana smokers than have a single meth family in my neighborhood."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:19 PM on February 24, 2011 [20 favorites]


I am surprised that any amount of crazy statements can cause CBS to discontinue production of what I assume is a profitable show.

Is it possible that there's another reason for canceling the season, and this is just an excuse?
posted by zippy at 6:21 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


MC CS in tha house! From his soon-to-be-released rap debut, "Kickin' It Weird", here's the first single, "Hookers and Blow":

hookers and blow, hookers and blow,
up to my elbows in hookers and blow!
Vatican assassin, Chaim, don'tcha know?
hookers and blow! hookers and blow!

i got poetry, fool, in my fingertips!
you got a ugly wife, and your faucet drips!
you stupid little troll, you think I care?
i'm out here strafin' in my underwear!

hookers and blow, hookers and blow,
up to my elbows in hookers and blow!
I'm-a gnarly gnarlington, fool, don'tcha know?
hookers and blow! hookers and blow!

i got an army, motherfucker! you think i'm ALONE?
your unevolved mind's in the loser zone!
Thomas Jefferson's a pussy, better watch his back!
i keep my resentments to fuel my ATTACK!

hookers and blow, hookers and blow,
up to my elbows in hookers and blow!
print that, people, and see where it go!
hookers and blow! hookers and blow!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:22 PM on February 24, 2011 [23 favorites]


Is it possible that there's another reason for canceling the season, and this is just an excuse?

I assume it is because Sheen literally isn't showing up for tapings, or they can't edit out the spittle encrusted rants and nosebleeds and have anything left.
posted by gjc at 6:24 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


He is a grown-ass man

I think in this, as in so many cases, it works better as "grown ass-man."
posted by sonika at 6:24 PM on February 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


He's hardly a B-lister, he's one of the top few earners on television. Only Oprah and Judge Judy make more.

And who says money can't buy you happiness?
posted by Quonab at 6:27 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ho boy.
posted by nj_subgenius at 6:27 PM on February 24, 2011


I am surprised that any amount of crazy statements can cause CBS to discontinue production of what I assume is a profitable show.
People care more about their egos then the bottom line. If a boss doesn't feel respected he's liable to hurt a profitable business venture in order to get respected (just look at Keith Olberman at MSNBC) especially if they have a good excuse.

And anyway, even if ratings go down it probably won't hurt the career of the person who pulled the plug.
posted by delmoi at 6:28 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Guys, CBS shelving the show has to do with Sheen and show runner Chuck Lorre's relationship, or lack of a healthy one there in. Lorre and CBS agreed to stop for now. It was not entirely due to the Alex Jones show.
posted by cavalier at 6:29 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I mean as in 'Oh boy', but realize now that could have meen mistaken for seomthing different.
Just watch the scheduled progams, and they're syndicated now. Does anyone really care if any new material emits from this jackass?
posted by nj_subgenius at 6:29 PM on February 24, 2011


Also, it was only 4 more episodes, not like they stopped it mid season or anything.

Crystal balls for whether there will be a Season 9.

Soooo this is what happens when you batter a man with millions of dollars for 3 days work at a time.... ? :(
posted by cavalier at 6:31 PM on February 24, 2011


But... you're so loquacious.

I really don't need any help with that. It's something I have to tone down, not ramp up to. I've done coke exactly once - and it was an accident when someone passed a laced joint at a party and didn't tell me about it. I felt like Superman - if Superman was the world's biggest asshole. I went and sat in the corner and drank water until it went away.
posted by loquacious at 6:32 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


it's like charlie wants to be a biker.
posted by clavdivs at 6:32 PM on February 24, 2011


This is like a real life Tracy Jordan, only it isn't nearly as funny.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 6:33 PM on February 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


WOW I finally realized who he reminds me of: San Francisco Giants pitcher Brian Wilson
posted by arveale at 6:34 PM on February 24, 2011


I don't think Sheen sounds coked up or crazy. He's just riffing and trolling and having fun saying whatever pops into his head. It's sort of uncharacteristically unselfconscious for a radio interview, but nothing that couldn't fall outside the realm of just having a laugh.
posted by hermitosis at 6:35 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Yeah, my mum gets like this when she's had a bit of sherry.
posted by Flashman at 6:39 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


For a real life Tracy Jordan, you take Kanye West's tweets and address them to Liz Lemon.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:42 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


BAH!
posted by clavdivs at 6:46 PM on February 24, 2011


Well, it may make me a bad person but I really, genuinely enjoyed this and if Charlie had his own radio show I'd probably listen to it. I mean if he has a coke problem why not make the most of it? Beats the hell out of radio stations that play the same extremely mediocre playlist over and over and over and over again.
posted by MattMangels at 6:51 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Reminds me a bit of Vidal's essay on the Roman emperors. You take any human being and remove almost all restraints on their behavior, for a long period of time and what you get is usually insane, and very often spectacularly destructive to themselves and those around them.
posted by Grimgrin at 6:51 PM on February 24, 2011 [10 favorites]


Poor judgment, maybe. But booze and alcohol can't make words and actions come out of someone who doesn't already have them in them.

Actually, alcohol can. There is quite a large body of scientific research on personality and behavioral changes associated with alcohol and substance abuse. If you put a big lesion on your prefrontal cortex I'm willing to bet that many of the words and actions that you exhibit weren't already "within you".
posted by Beardsley Klamm at 6:54 PM on February 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


You take any human being and remove almost all restraints on their behavior, for a long period of time and what you get is usually insane, and very often spectacularly destructive to themselves and those around them.

Sounds familiar.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:54 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


""I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.""

People need to talk like this all the time.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:58 PM on February 24, 2011 [18 favorites]


We work for the Pope, we murder people. We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?

I'd watch this show.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:00 PM on February 24, 2011 [8 favorites]


Ordnance! There's no i in ordnance!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:00 PM on February 24, 2011 [17 favorites]


flapjax, that may be the best worst motivational line ever.
posted by zippy at 7:02 PM on February 24, 2011 [35 favorites]


Why, thank you, zippy.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:06 PM on February 24, 2011


And the dude does have magic. He acts like a horrible person and people love him. Minus the violence he's living the dream of alot of guys. I hate Two and a Half Men but like many people I hate it because I know i'm doomed to be the loser brother.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:10 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


If, twelve years from now, the kid from Two and a Half Men plays the starring role in the next Arrested Development, this will all have been worthwhile.
posted by Afroblanco at 7:10 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Charlie's response via TMZ:
What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people ... not yours...we will continue on together...

Charlie Sheen
posted by birdherder at 7:11 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


(oops forgot the quote)

If Valerie's Family could get along without Valerie...

posted by Afroblanco at 7:11 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Sheen discusses "Apocalypse Now" and says the film can "teach you how to live inside of a moment between a moment."

Oh, oh! I know this one!

"The heads. You're looking at the heads. Sometimes he goes too far. He's the first one to admit it."
posted by octobersurprise at 7:15 PM on February 24, 2011 [8 favorites]


gjc: "Yeah, I don't really think this is mental illness. At least, it's not "hard" illness of the disability sort. Some people have to get medicated and struggle all their lives just to overcome their mental difficulties. This guy, on the other hand, is just a fucking disconnected from reality, burnt out coke head"

Or has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

But it really does sound like a jacked up coke head who thinks he's invincible.
posted by symbioid at 7:17 PM on February 24, 2011


wolverines!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:17 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Let me just say that I'm disappointed that this thread is nigh on 200 comments and somehow less than 1% of them have expressed the sentiment that my girl scody nailed:

"Aaaaand a few hundred people just lost their jobs. Because CHARLIE SHEEN IS A WINNER."

I don't care whether Charlie Sheen kills himself in a wild hookers-and-blow orgy that would force Caligula to return from the grave in order to pay respect. And Chuck Lorre will be just fine, as will all the other names you recognize from Two and a Half Men.

What I care about is that the selfish prick is taking the livelihoods of so many other "little" people right down the gutter with him. Television work is not easy to come by, and it's practically impossible to just jump onto other shows in the middle of principal photography.

I don't know what kind of insurance is provided for by the unions in a case like this, if any. But I know that every single time I see anyone delighting in the Sheenenfreude, my heart hurts for all those people who were relying on the salaries that he capriciously dangled over the fire as he self-destructs.

Was it Jon Cryer who joked about waking up in the morning to check TMZ.com to see if he still had a job?

Funny for Duckie, who made over a half million per episode. Not funny for everyone else.
posted by pineapple at 7:19 PM on February 24, 2011 [34 favorites]


I hate Two and a Half Men but like many people I hate it because I know i'm doomed to be the loser brother.

You could probably avoid a lot of superfluous self-awareness if you just hated it because it's pasteurized processed cheese food.
posted by steambadger at 7:20 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


"CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of “Two and a Half Men” for the remainder of the season.

Aaaaand a few hundred people just lost their jobs. Because CHARLIE SHEEN IS A WINNER.

Christ, what an asshole.
"

The narrative I prefer is that Charlie Sheen finally decided that his subtle attempts to wreck the laugh-track sitcom paradigm had failed, wreaking more bad than good on the American public, and he decided to end it by using his unique superpower, binging.

If only he'd realize that this will just make producers and execs think that Sheen was bad instead of the genre.

YOU'VE SOLVED NOTHING, SHEEN!
posted by klangklangston at 7:20 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


You know, the more I think about this the more I'm pissed off.

Less than two years ago I lost a coworker because she couldn't get off the drugs. She just didn't wake up one morning.

Charlie, you ain't no superman. Your heart and your liver are mortal. One day, and it could be sooner than later, they may just decide they've had enough. And then your kids have NO dad instead of just a crappy one. No amount of dinero can buy off the Reaper, dude, especially when you keep spitting in his face.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:21 PM on February 24, 2011 [9 favorites]


Yo CBS, FYI: Robert Downey Jr, Mel Gibson, Nick Nolte & Gary Busey also have substance abuse issues. I know it's hard to keep up with the news from where you live... under a rock.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:23 PM on February 24, 2011


Pineapple, it's not like the whole time slot goes away. Sure the 2.5♂ people will have a sucky time, but meanwhile some mid-season replacement will come along and the two hundred people who are living on mac and cheese, or boxes of jujubes that they got for doing a commercial or some such will finally have a crack. Maybe they'll even get to work on a show that they wont be embarrassed to tell their friends about.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:27 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


whoah there's a male symbol?
posted by nathancaswell at 7:29 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Lovecraft In Brooklyn: """I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.""

People need to talk like this all the time
"

They're called Republicans.
posted by symbioid at 7:29 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.


Maybe he just never got out of his Hot Shots character.
posted by nathancaswell at 7:30 PM on February 24, 2011


BrotherCaine: roflmao

no, really, what?
posted by pineapple at 7:32 PM on February 24, 2011


Pineapple, it's not like the whole time slot goes away. Sure the 2.5♂ [sic] people will have a sucky time, but meanwhile some mid-season replacement will come along and the two hundred people who are living on mac and cheese, or boxes of jujubes that they got for doing a commercial or some such will finally have a crack. Maybe they'll even get to work on a show that they wont be embarrassed to tell their friends about.

Wow, I'm having a hard time parsing your contempt here: are you insulting the "embarrassed to admit where I work" cast and crew who lost their jobs with the cancellation of Two and a Half Men, or are you insulting the the "I eat nothing but jujubes" commercial actors you think will now magically get jobs as a result of the cancellation of of Two and a Half Men?
posted by scody at 7:42 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I don't care whether Charlie Sheen kills himself in a wild hookers-and-blow orgy that would force Caligula to return from the grave in order to pay respect. And Chuck Lorre will be just fine, as will all the other names you recognize from Two and a Half Men.
What's with all the concern over the show? The show sucked! The next Seinfeild could take it's place (it was a mid-season replacement, remember) People lose their jobs on TV all the time. Frankly, the fact that Two and a half men has been removed from television ought to be something to celebrate. Most of those people will probably just end up working on other shows. Hopefully better shows.

The fact that someone has a job making the world suck is no reason not to hope it improves.
posted by delmoi at 7:44 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


also, jujubes?? My boyfriend has a commercial running nationally, and the advertiser only sent us a crate of moldy Mike and Ikes, the bastards.
posted by scody at 7:45 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.""

People need to talk like this all the time"

They're called Republicans.


For real? "'I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips." C'mon... love that whole hyped up, hyerbolic way of looking at the world, Stan Lee style. Where everything is just a bit more magic.

But i've never done coke, so maybe it's less fun than it sounds. but I just love making statements like that.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:47 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Pineapple, it's not like the whole time slot goes away. Sure the 2.5♂ [sic] people will have a sucky time, but meanwhile some mid-season replacement will come along and the two hundred people ... will finally have a crack.

Or maybe they'll just fill the slot with licensed footage of rotating roasting chickens.
posted by mazola at 7:48 PM on February 24, 2011


He really should have waited to come down before composing his open letter though
I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
.... what?
posted by delmoi at 7:52 PM on February 24, 2011


But i've never done coke, so maybe it's less fun than it sounds.

Do you enjoy sitting around listening to the first 45 seconds of a song until it is skipped as someone loudly insists that no no no THIS SONG IS THE FUCKING BEST, for hours on end?
posted by nathancaswell at 7:53 PM on February 24, 2011 [8 favorites]


I'm pretty sure he's just doing lyrics off a Monster Magnet album.
posted by adipocere at 7:54 PM on February 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


I'm pretty sure he's just doing lyrics off a Monster Magnet album.

I'm seeing them in two days! If they don't conflict with any other bands on Soundwave.

SHUT ME OFF BEFORE I GO CRAZY WITH THIS PLANET IN MY HAND
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:56 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon.

i think that's a reference to a Chuck Norris movie. not kidding
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:56 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Do you enjoy sitting around listening to the first 45 seconds of a song until it is skipped as someone loudly insists that no no no THIS SONG IS THE FUCKING BEST, for hours on end?

You don't even have to do coke. Just go to jonmc's house and sit on the porch with him.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:57 PM on February 24, 2011 [11 favorites]


Those showing sympathy for Sheen here have an astounding amount of compassion. Yes, there's drugs and booze, and those can be terribly difficult to overcome. But this guy isn't just a raving asshole on coke. This is a guy who threatened to kill his wife while pinning her down and sticking a knife to her throat. Robert Downey Jr. comparisons are ill-suited. As long as we're willing to discount levels of talent and influence, however, the better model for predicting the future would be Phil Spector.

The point being that as much damage as he's doing to his cartilage and liver, he's going to hurt someone else very badly at the rate he's going, long before he destroys himself. And whether he acts the way he does because of the coke or does the coke so that he can feel and act this way (and the "chicken-and-egg" description of cocaine use above was dead-on) he is going to feel entitled to hurt that person.

And so I feel little sympathy, myself. I don't want him to die, but he's the guy I'm least worried about of any of the people even vaguely surrounding him.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:58 PM on February 24, 2011 [12 favorites]


I got jujubes in my fingers, bro.
posted by tumid dahlia at 7:59 PM on February 24, 2011


For some reason I'm really hyper now. I think reading about Sheen has given me some weird contact high
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:59 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


What's with all the concern over the show? The show sucked! ...Most of those people will probably just end up working on other shows. Hopefully better shows.

All 300 of them? Next week? No. To reiterate: "Television work is not easy to come by, and it's practically impossible to just jump onto other shows in the middle of principal photography."

And as for "better" show -- a long-running primetime gig IS a good show to be on, regardless of whether it lives up to Metafilter's standards (including my own!) of what constitutes good comedy. It was steady work for hundreds of electricians, costumers, makeup artists, character actors, carpenters, camera operators, and sound techs in the middle of a fucking recession. And yet you can to sit there, halfway across the country, and insist with a straight face that this is actually a good opportunity for them? Because they'll "probably" eventually get to work on a show that you'll find funnier?

Really?
posted by scody at 8:00 PM on February 24, 2011 [19 favorites]


scody: You're basically arguing that no show should ever be canceled. It doesn't really make that much sense. While the people on that show will lose their jobs, other people who have been unemployed will have a chance to work on some new show that replaces it. So net/net there shouldn't be any decrease in the number who have jobs in TV.

You can't say that the people who worked on Two and a half men were somehow more deserving of jobs then people who worked on other shows.
posted by delmoi at 8:03 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


Was Charlie Sheen ever considered a great actor? I always thought of him as a sort of handsome everyman who had just enough charisma to distinguish himself from the scenery without being a distraction from the plot. Thin.

Also, sorry but I mourn the loss of jobs on that terrible show just a bit les than if a tear gas factory were shut down. Noxious prattle and sexism shouldn't have many defenders around here.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:05 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


less.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:06 PM on February 24, 2011


But i've never done coke, so maybe it's less fun than it sounds.

I've done coke twice, and both times were awesome. It wasn't like what I imagine heroin to be like (never done that, never will) going off of Renton's explanation of "take the best orgasm you've ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it." It's not so much a physical pleasure (at least it wasn't for me.) It's more of a psychological thing, where suddenly you just KNOW that you're the most awesome, most important person around.

I'm a guy who gets addicted to things very easily, and coke was the best high I've ever had, but both times even while I was high I had the constant thought running in my head that this was something I should make a point about not getting into, and that thought was enough to actually keep me from doing so, thank god.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:06 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


That's how I felt when I played World of Warcraft, Navelgazer.

but thanks for the recommendation! if i'm ever in a place psychologically where i feel able to take drugs i'll keep that in mind.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:09 PM on February 24, 2011


er, felt like i'd get addicted to WoW. not that it was awesome orgasms.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:09 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


See, I felt really guilty for the inflated egotrip that cocaine engenders. It's such a counterfeit high.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:11 PM on February 24, 2011


Aaaaand a few hundred people just lost their jobs. Because CHARLIE SHEEN IS A WINNER.

Most everyone working on the show will lose 4 of their expected 22 paychecks for the year. But with the possibility of replacing Sheen or otherwise re-tooling the show (for which a couple writers would be paid extra), they have a good chance of returning to work next season - not the 100% chance a high-rated controversy-free show would have, but a better chance than the workers on several other series that had their season orders cut short this year on the way to 90% likely cancellation. After (for some of the people working there) steady work for eight years, a hell of a good run for television. Anybody working on that show that doesn't have some serious money saved up (especially after witnessing Sheen's developing meltdown) would be nearly as responsible as ol' Charlie. And if you're going to be looking for work in Hollywood when they start hiring for the new series in a few months, "Two and a Half Men" is a damn good thing to have on your resume.

"Sheen's victims" are better off than, for example, the people associated with the Mitchell Hurwitz/Will Arnett comedy, "Running Wilde", dead in the water after 9 aired and 4 unaired episodes. (Not to mention that their previous series "Arrested Development" got its second season cut from 22 to 18 episodes and a third half-season of 13).
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:11 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


cavalier: Also, it was only 4 more episodes, not like they stopped it mid season or anything.
But wait, if it ends four episodes early, we'll never find out the answers to all those pressing, unresolved questions and lingering mysteries- like what, exactly, was the smoke coke monster all about?!
posted by hincandenza at 8:12 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


scody: You're basically arguing that no show should ever be canceled.

Oh, for jujubes sake, of course I'm not saying no show should ever be canceled; I'm saying that Charlie Sheen is a millionaire asshole for directly causing 300 non-millionaires to lose their jobs in the middle of the season, solely due to his assholery. If you want to continue sneering about how those people were just "making the world suck," then by all means feel free.
posted by scody at 8:13 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Yeah, what Navelgazer said; with the added caveat that, after you've done it a few times, you find yourself watching from a calm place right above your head and thinking "Is that me? How come I'm such an asshole?"
posted by steambadger at 8:14 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


It was steady work for hundreds of electricians, costumers, makeup artists, character actors, carpenters, camera operators, and sound techs in the middle of a fucking recession.

I think if you choose to work in show business, you're probably used to having an unsteady job/paycheck. Shows get cancelled, actors get killed off, fired, replaced, etc. I'm thinking about all the pilots that don't air, the shows that get cancelled by the network, or because the star died suddenly, and the variable number of episodes that get ordered. And if you're going to work on a program where your livelihood depends on Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan, you probably saw it coming and weren't too naive about being there for another ten years.

But I don't know about their contracts or their unions. I know some of the camera operators actually run the camera for three or four shows at once. This guy is freelance on the side with a main job, I guess.
posted by anniecat at 8:15 PM on February 24, 2011


Maybe Emilio Estevez could take over the part.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:16 PM on February 24, 2011 [11 favorites]


>> What's with all the concern over the show? The show sucked!

delmoi, you misread me. My concern is for the crew, not the show. The show does suck.

But you know what else "sucks"? McDonald's. Wal-Mart. Manufactured housing. Thomas Kinkade. Stephenie Meyer.

But just because something is crafted to appeal to the popular masses doesn't mean that every one of the millions of people who work in the particular industry creating and distributing that product deserve to lose their jobs at the whim of one egotistical narcissist superstar at the top of the food chain.

Your net/net point is impossibly callous. Are you really saying that it's perfectly okay to rip a steady, paying job that would go on for the foreseeable future from Person A... and put that guy on the street... in order to hand an opportunity to Person B, who was unemployed yesterday?

So, if someone just rips your job away from you, and hands it to some other guy who needs and deserves it more than you, that's cool, right?

>> You're basically arguing that no show should ever be canceled.

This is totally not what scody is saying. A show being canceled because it doesn't earn the ratings it should is a known risk that everyone in the business accepts willingly, every single day. (which, on preview, addresses oneswellfoop's remarks. "Running Wilde" or a hundred other forgettable first-season trial-runs that got dropped mid-season are apples and oranges to a long-running #1 primetime sitcom)

A show being canceled because of the willful and selfish actions of a narcissistic cokehead trainwreck like Charlie Sheen is sad, and morally wrong—and nobody goes into that work environment expecting that their bankable star is going to drive them all off a cliff.
posted by pineapple at 8:18 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


but thanks for the recommendation!

I would like to be very, very clear that I'm not recommending it.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:18 PM on February 24, 2011


Guys, the real victims here are the porn stars. With Sheen's cash flow cut off WHO WILL BUY THEM THEIR BENTLEYS in exchange for a commitment to live in a massive porn/sex/coke mansion/orgy/yacht.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:22 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I never quite understand these latest stories about Sheen being "on the brink" and "in a downfall." Charlie Sheen lives differently than most people, that is all.

Mr. Sheen, please spare me your ordinance.
posted by xmutex at 8:23 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


But just because something is crafted to appeal to the popular masses doesn't mean that every one of the millions of people who work in the particular industry creating and distributing that product deserve to lose their jobs at the whim of one egotistical narcissist superstar at the top of the food chain.
Well, that's how it works, though. Shows get canceled, business go under all the time. I'm not sure I understand why some circumstances are supposed to terrible.

I think the reason it's annoying is you hear that kind of thing in politics all the time: We can't cut oil subsidies because it would hurt the job of people who work on oil rigs. But we're better off if people don't have those jobs. And aren't we better off without Two and a Half Men I'm not saying there's an equivalency, but it's the same kind of argument.

In another circumstance, if the show were just canceled because it got poor ratings, no one would be rending their garments. Why should we care just because they ended because of a coke fooled rant?

And again, it assumes that the people who lost their jobs are somehow more deserving of jobs then the people who will get jobs working on whatever replaces it.

It sucks for some people, it's an opportunity for others. So in that sense, it's largely neutral.
posted by delmoi at 8:25 PM on February 24, 2011


Mental illness really isn't funny.

But coked-up Hollywood B-listers are HILARIOUS.


Not if you call the person "Dad" or "Son."

This is a live snuff movie in the making -- fodder for global village gossip as if there was nothing real going on in the world right now...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 8:28 PM on February 24, 2011


After hearing the news, Sheen sent this nastily worded statement to TMZ/AOL.

And with "Two and a Half Men" off the air, the top rated half-hour comedy series on TV becomes "The Big Bang Theory"...

...also produced by Chuck Lorre (as is one other of the top sitcoms on TV, "Mike and Molly").

Sheen calls the show's crew his "second family". TOTAL BULLSHIT. If they go back to work in the near future, it's most likely it'll be working for Chuck, not Charlie.

nobody goes into that work environment expecting that their bankable star is going to drive them all off a cliff.
Anybody in that work environment who notices that the bankable star is getting increasingly more unstable is not going to feel any more secure than a somebody on a first-season show... if they have any sense. And you don't have to have a trainwreck star. Once a show goes past its initial seven-year contract with its stars, and they get to renegotiate for a boatload more money or just walk away, the chances of the show continuing from year to year drop noticeably, no matter how good the ratings are. And nobody ever condemned Kelsey Grammar for putting his "Frasier" crew out of work after 9 seasons. (Although he did give them a year's warning)
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:29 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Mental illness really isn't funny.

But coked-up Hollywood B-listers are HILARIOUS.

Not if you call the person "Dad" or "Son."


So what you're saying is the other 6,775,235,737 of us are free to enjoy it?
posted by nathancaswell at 8:30 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Still less nutty than Tom Cruise. Keep reaching for the stars Charlie!
posted by Ritchie at 8:32 PM on February 24, 2011


And nobody ever condemned Kelsey Grammar for putting his "Frasier" crew out of work after 9 seasons.

I will never accept Fraser Crane had an effete brother and a living ex-cop father. He was an only child whose father was also a shrink! This was established fact! I will never forgive!
posted by Justinian at 8:33 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


it assumes that the people who lost their jobs are somehow more deserving of jobs then the people who will get jobs working on whatever replaces it.-delmoi

No. I get what Pineapple and scody are saying, and it isn't this.

Imagine you work at a company that employs around 200 people, and is very successful (even if it makes a horrible product in the process).

Now imagine one of the VPs decides to just hose the company, putting it in bankruptcy, and everyone is out of a job. Then he gloats about how great he is so who cares? Now maybe you could find a job. Maybe a company making a horrible product going out of business is good. Maybe you don't deserve another job any more than all the unemployed people on the street. But none of that is the point.

The point is that this guy is a jerk and couldn't care less about the hundreds of people working hard to make him a success and are now out of a job solely because he is a jerk.
posted by eye of newt at 8:35 PM on February 24, 2011 [16 favorites]


"I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."

Does that remind anyone of the Frank T.J. Mackey rant in Magnolia when Gwenovier gets him to sit down in an interview? Was Charlie trying out lines, not that kind, on air?

My inherent distrust of actors and anything Hollywood is clouding my judgement right now.
posted by jsavimbi at 8:36 PM on February 24, 2011


ordnance
posted by Babblesort at 8:37 PM on February 24, 2011


I think if you choose to work in show business, you're probably used to having an unsteady job/paycheck. Shows get cancelled, actors get killed off, fired, replaced, etc. I'm thinking about all the pilots that don't air, the shows that get cancelled by the network, or because the star died suddenly, and the variable number of episodes that get ordered. And if you're going to work on a program where your livelihood depends on Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan, you probably saw it coming and weren't too naive about being there for another ten years.

My partner is a working actor, and I literally cannot count the number of working actors/writers/crew people I know, so thanks for the lesson in How Hollywood Works, but the whole "oh, they're used to it, and they knew what they were getting by choosing to be on a show with a cokehead, and they've all got other gigs lined up anyway" is -- and I am struggling to be polite here -- pretty glib.

Anybody in that work environment who notices that the bankable star is getting increasingly more unstable is not going to feel any more secure than a somebody on a first-season show... if they have any sense.

Yeah: all those people who worked on a Charlie Sheen show! Christ, what assholes, amirite?
posted by scody at 8:38 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


cavalier writes "Also, it was only 4 more episodes, not like they stopped it mid season or anything.

"Crystal balls for whether there will be a Season 9."


Seems to me that the fact they cancelled it with only four episodes to go rather than drawing out a Charlie has gone missing in Mexico ending up with Charlie is dead shows at least some of the decision makers have hope.
posted by Mitheral at 8:40 PM on February 24, 2011


And I'm not saying this isn't a very crappy way for a long-running TV series to end. (If indeed it does end; I'm expecting a re-work with a new lead - my first choice would be Michael J. Fox, since Sheen replaced him on "Spin City" years ago when he quit for heath reasons - what goes around...). The people working on that show deserved better, but for seven-and-a-half years, they got the best the TV biz had.

Still, any TV-watching American must be concerned for the son of ex-President Bartlett.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:40 PM on February 24, 2011


I would lay out pretty good odds Sheen will be back next season. It's not 100% (which is what I would have said a few months ago) but it's still damn high. Nobody wants to kill the goose laying the golden eggs.
posted by Justinian at 8:42 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


...all those people who worked on a Charlie Sheen show! Christ, what assholes, amirite?
No, no, no. But as I said before, if they got a stable gig in the unstable TV business for seven years without building up a substantial nest egg, (and not increasing their savings the minute they saw Charlie start to melt down) they'd have to be almost as irresponsible as their star.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:45 PM on February 24, 2011


My partner is a working actor, and I literally cannot count the number of working actors/writers/crew people I know, so thanks for the lesson in How Hollywood Works, but the whole "oh, they're used to it, and they knew what they were getting by choosing to be on a show with a cokehead, and they've all got other gigs lined up anyway" is -- and I am struggling to be polite here -- pretty glib.


So a working actor ought to expect the same job stability as a CPA or receptionist? I work at a nonprofit, and even I don't expect the same job stability/opportunities/pay as a CPA.
posted by anniecat at 8:47 PM on February 24, 2011


Charlie want on to state, "I'm a street walking cheetah
with a heart full of napalm. I'm a runaway son of the nuclear A-bomb"
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:49 PM on February 24, 2011 [10 favorites]


Nobody wants to kill the goose laying the golden eggs.
I'm sure CBS has already employed some serious audience research/opinion poll people to determine whether he would still be laying golden eggs next fall... whether the Lindsay-Lohan-level publicity has made him more of a liability than an asset. The show's title by itself attracts some audience (even in reruns) regardless of what actors/characters the title refers to.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:50 PM on February 24, 2011


He does make a good point about Thomas Jefferson though.
posted by mazola at 8:51 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I've been thinking about it, and I don't care about Charlie Sheen. My son died of a drug overdose and this piece of shit goes on living. Life ain't fair, is it?
posted by wv kay in ga at 8:51 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


jonmc: "Martin, you wanna straighten out your brat here or what?

I just feel so sad for Martin Sheen. He's a genuinely good person, in Hollywood or out. And he's been clean for 35 years thanks to AA, which his son just ripped on as a "cult." I remember him weeping during an interview when Charlie first went to rehab, about how his son was in trouble, and he hoped very much that this (rehab) would help him get better and allow him to live a full life.

Emilio, Ramón, and Renée are well-adjusted adults, living clean lives and being productive; Charlie is a complete asshole drug-addict. There's something in here about nature and nurture, but damned if I know what.

posted by tzikeh at 9:08 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


ARGH

</em>
posted by tzikeh at 9:09 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


SHUT ME OFF BEFORE I GO CRAZY WITH THIS PLANET IN MY HAND
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:56 PM on February 24 [+] [!]


/throws bottle at stage

QUOTE SOME SUPERJUDGE! Lovecraft in Brooklyn sucks now.
posted by Hoopo at 9:11 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


FWIW, Deadline Hollywood reported this afternoon that "WBTV is expected to deal with this compensation issue [for the crew] next week."
posted by mediareport at 9:14 PM on February 24, 2011


Hi everybody, George Clooney here.

I'm having dinner with Barbra and Bro, and a MeFite drops me a line to say I'm urgently needed in a thread about Charlie Sheen. What? Fine, okay.

So. 1985. I'm 24, I'm living on Mac & Cheese and Mrs. Paul, and I hear Oliver Stone needs someone to star in Platoon. Well, I'm busy with Street Hawk and The Facts of Life, so Charlie gets the gig. And his first time at bat, the man hits it out of the park. Respect.

Now, I don't know if the man is mentally ill or on a bender, but he's clearly got some serious problems and I don't feel comfortable making fun of him and I honestly hope he gets the help he needs. Sometimes you can laugh at people, and sometimes you shouldn't.

And sometimes, you just gotta lay down the smack and let people know you're not gonna take any shit. Like Hefner sending me his wedding gift registry. I sent him a six-pack of Ensure and box of Valtrex. Boom, roasted! Peace out.
posted by George Clooney at 9:15 PM on February 24, 2011 [35 favorites]


QUOTE SOME SUPERJUDGE! Lovecraft in Brooklyn sucks now.

Well I've got more love and speed than your lonely souls can chew
And I'll lay it all on you
Cause I think that you want me to


wow, that does sound like Charlie
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:19 PM on February 24, 2011


Is it not amazing that there are 265 comments on this post?!? He sure does know how to get people talking in his ridiculous, self-centered rants!
posted by worldli at 9:22 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I *want* to believe.
posted by symbioid at 9:36 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


I think it's quite possible that he was just fucking around with Alex Jones, a paranoid nutcase prone to bouts of antisemitism. The Sheen quotes could easily be taken as making fun of the 9/11 Truther audience that Jones attracts.

Which would make this awfully ironic : a sober Sheen attempts to play a joke on a nutty radio host, and gets fired because his own recent conduct has been so outrageous that everybody thinks he's being serious.

Ow.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:38 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Curious why this post remains on the front page, while the earlier celebrity bullshit post about Justin Bieber's haircut got flagged to death and subsequently deleted.
posted by crunchland at 9:38 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


OK, I came across as insensitive which I often am. So just to clarify: I have the utmost respect for the actors who struggle to make it while eating ramen/mac-n-cheese/jujubes/whatever. That's not me trying to trivialize their struggles (I had a friend in the acting biz who told a story about living on jujubes for a while). FWIW, I think Charlie Sheen is an asshole's asshole. But I do admit that I was glib about the trauma coming for the 2.5♂ cast and crew as they scramble to find work, and for that I apologize even if I do hate the show with a white hot passion as a comedy fraud. Nevertheless I stand by my statement that I'd be embarrassed to work on that show, no matter how great my own contribution. I've swallowed my pride for a paycheck before, and I sympathize with that feeling. However, the show is a turd, whether there is a tugboat or an F-18 carrying said turd.
posted by BrotherCaine at 9:38 PM on February 24, 2011


The Sheen quotes could easily be taken as making fun of the 9/11 Truther audience that Jones attracts.

Yeah, except that Charlie Sheen is, himself, a 9/11 truther.
posted by rkent at 9:40 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


crunchland writes "Curious why this post remains on the front page, while the earlier celebrity bullshit post about Justin Bieber's haircut got flagged to death and subsequently deleted."

It's Friday night, 2/3rds of the mods are snowed in, it isn't generating any GRAR, and we were 250+ comments in before derails about deletion started?
posted by Mitheral at 9:46 PM on February 24, 2011


Curious why this post remains on the front page, while the earlier celebrity bullshit post about Justin Bieber's haircut got flagged to death and subsequently deleted.

maybe people feel more comfortable snarking about a grown man than a 16 year old kid? and i guess snarking was all you could with my Bieber post
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:47 PM on February 24, 2011


The Bieber post got whacked by Vatican assassins. The Sheen post is winning.

Wrap your puny mind around that.
posted by mazola at 9:49 PM on February 24, 2011 [13 favorites]


I almost started believing MetaFilter's Own George Clooney until I saw that he had spoused Ambrosia Voyeur. Come on, Amb'r would destroy the dude in one date...
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:50 PM on February 24, 2011


Hi everybody, George Clooney here.

I always read these in George Clooney's voice.
posted by birdherder at 9:52 PM on February 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Mitheral writes "It's Friday night, 2/3rds of the mods are snowed in, it isn't generating any GRAR, and we were 250+ comments in before derails about deletion started?"

Well I guess it's actually Thursday night but I don't have to work tomorrow so it's my Friday.
posted by Mitheral at 9:58 PM on February 24, 2011


I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."

You know, there's a lot of crazy in the world. But if I were to join the ranks of some crazy movement...it would be Charlie Sheen's.

Napping, F18s, ordnance, poetry, fingertips...and MAGIC?

I'm in...bro.
posted by hal_c_on at 10:03 PM on February 24, 2011


Okay, everyone calm down and enjoy some kitties.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:04 PM on February 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


In another circumstance, if the show were just canceled because it got poor ratings, no one would be rending their garments. Why should we care just because they ended because of a coke fooled rant?

Your house could burn down in a truly accidental electrical fire. Does that suggest no one should care if I burn it down because I'm drunk?
posted by Linda_Holmes at 10:04 PM on February 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Listening to the audio - wow, Jones is utterly pathetic.
posted by davebush at 10:17 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


maybe people feel more comfortable snarking about a grown man than a 16 year old kid? and i guess snarking was all you could with my Bieber post --- Well, just like the double-standard with Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan, who do pretty much the same things, but Sheen gets away with it and Lohan doesn't, I guess there's a double-standard with Charlie Sheen and Justin Bieber, too, at least on Metafilter.
posted by crunchland at 10:35 PM on February 24, 2011


george clooney has a satellite?
posted by clavdivs at 10:37 PM on February 24, 2011


Well I guess it's actually Thursday night but I don't have to work tomorrow so it's my Friday.

it's Friday for me!

maybe people feel more comfortable snarking about a grown man than a 16 year old kid? and i guess snarking was all you could with my Bieber post --- Well, just like the double-standard with Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan, who do pretty much the same things, but Sheen gets away with it and Lohan doesn't, I guess there's a double-standard with Charlie Sheen and Justin Bieber, too, at least on Metafilter.

yeah, i should probably be annoyed or something but a single link gossip post about Justin Bieber isn't the hill i want to die on
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 10:49 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


2/3rds of the mods are snowed in

SEVERE WEATHER ALERT FOR THE COUNTY OF INTERNET -- THE FOLLOWING SITES HAVE BEEN CLOSED DUE TO SNOW:
posted by Hoopo at 11:02 PM on February 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


I’m not your beaver, here disabled, still it is an honour, where some have achieved,
To limp behind along, humming, & keen
Again upon what blue trumps, hazy, vainless glory…

-John Berryman. I. Opus Dei. Prime. From ‘Delusions, Etc.’
posted by clavdivs at 11:15 PM on February 24, 2011


Oeuvre sans Charlie
posted by clavdivs at 11:21 PM on February 24, 2011


This is a live snuff movie in the making -- fodder for global village gossip as if there was nothing real going on in the world right now...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 11:28 PM on February 24 [+] [!]

Oddly enough, many years ago it was Charlie Sheen who contacted the FBI to report seeing a snuff film at a party. This 'snuff' film turned out to be Flowers of Flesh & Blood. Sheen's efforts to do the right thing here arguably helped sales of the film enormously, and gave it a certain notieriety among some horror fans.
posted by stinkycheese at 11:37 PM on February 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Charlie Sheen + Medium Large + LOL Cats = This
posted by edgeways at 11:43 PM on February 24, 2011


edgeways, ahem.


Your house could burn down in a truly accidental electrical fire. Does that suggest no one should care if I burn it down because I'm drunk?

I would have sympathy for you if your house burned down for any reason. Should I be more sympathetic if someone could be blamed for it? Or less sympathetic if YOU were to blame? I'm just not very good at playing blame games.

Would we be saying the same things about Charlie Sheen if he had died of an overdose last night?
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:54 PM on February 24, 2011


ack ah.. I did a search for Medium large and wasn't prepared to tackled the whole long thread. oh well.


slinks away
posted by edgeways at 12:02 AM on February 25, 2011


next time search for kitties. you'll always find what you need when you search for kitties.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:27 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


As long as you do enough coke, every night becomes Friday night!
posted by mannequito at 12:54 AM on February 25, 2011


Apologies if this has already been linked to upthread (don't have time right now to scour) but, NYT: Production of ‘Two and Half Men’ Halted After Sheen Assails Creator.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 12:56 AM on February 25, 2011


The Protestant Rescheduling.
posted by clavdivs at 12:59 AM on February 25, 2011


Apology accepted.
posted by phaedon at 1:10 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Hi everybody, George Clooney here.

I always read these in George Clooney's voice.


I read this in Matt Damon's voice.
posted by Mikey-San at 1:37 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


A remix.
posted by damehex at 2:00 AM on February 25, 2011


I have read the entire thread, and an honest question, for most people, but esp. Scody. Sheen has done this on his own time and we are living in a fairly puritan culture, and can people explain exactly why we are preventing an adult human being from working, and as a result allowing other people to work while still having his (fairly unhinged) fun.

Isn't hollywood from the beginning about figuring out how to drug and drink and fuck, and show up to call, and hasnt sheen done that?
posted by PinkMoose at 2:09 AM on February 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


My theory is that there's a sane part of Charlie Sheen attempting to summon help, and this is the only avenue it had left to try after everything else went nowhere.

Mr. Sheen, good luck.
posted by zippy at 2:28 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: a turd that opens on a tugboat.

I can't believe no one wrote that earlier
posted by 6550 at 2:32 AM on February 25, 2011


And now a short word from Chuck.

And if you haven't already caught it, you *must* read this essay from Mr Lorre.
posted by Duug at 2:34 AM on February 25, 2011 [6 favorites]


Hold on guys, I just remembered Pope Guilty is still absent from this site. I wonder if he's one of these Vatican Assassin Warlocks, doing Benedict's dirty work in L.A. with Charlie Sheen.

I don't mean to sound accusatory; that would be pretty fucking cool actually
posted by MattMangels at 3:14 AM on February 25, 2011


I'm just not very good at playing blame games.

That's very noble of you, but this part of the discussion arose from people objecting to the suggestion that anyone should feel sorry for the crew that's out of work. The argument was, "Why would I care about this crew if I don't care about the crew of a show that's canceled for low ratings?" You don't have to play blame games. I think it's okay to feel bad for everyone in this situation.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 3:16 AM on February 25, 2011


many years ago it was Charlie Sheen who contacted the FBI to report seeing a snuff film at a party

I've never understood this, the effects in that film are pretty obviously fake. That alone proves the guy is a tool.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:32 AM on February 25, 2011


Maybe Emilio Estevez could take over the part.

He's available?
posted by Joe Beese at 4:26 AM on February 25, 2011


Don't look behind you Charlie. It's coming up fast.
posted by Senator at 6:42 PM on February 24 [+] [!]

.
posted by yoga at 4:26 AM on February 25, 2011


"Isn't hollywood from the beginning about figuring out how to drug and drink and fuck, and show up to call"

Wow, what a strange view of that industry. The people that I know that are successfully working in the tv/movie industry work hard, are involved with family, don't do drugs, and don't drink much. They can't stay on top of their game if they aren't at 100%.
posted by tomswift at 4:38 AM on February 25, 2011


The Bieber post got whacked by Vatican assassins. The Sheen post is winning.

All the talk about enemies and winning reminded me of Scientology.

I imagine Tom Cruise frames the world in this way.
posted by Joe Beese at 4:59 AM on February 25, 2011


I also propose that all future MeTa callouts be settled in an octagon.
posted by Joe Beese at 5:05 AM on February 25, 2011 [6 favorites]


"The rant is over for me now, but it will always be there, for the rest of my days."
posted by Flashman at 5:43 AM on February 25, 2011


on the whole "A-list" vs. "X-list", Entertainment Weekly used to have a pretty useful way of looking at it:
  1. If you could make a project happen by virtue of your involvement, you're "A-list".
  2. If you are at the top of the list, but your involvment doesn't guarantee financing, you're "B-list".
"C-list" I've never heard used, but "D-list" is just sniping.
posted by lodurr at 6:07 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm saying that Charlie Sheen is a millionaire asshole for directly causing 300 non-millionaires to lose their jobs in the middle of the season, solely due to his assholery.

Plenty of perfectly nice actors leave their shows, killing them and putting a bunch of people out of work.
posted by smackfu at 6:31 AM on February 25, 2011


Hi everybody, George Clooney here.

I always read these in George Clooney's voice.

I read this in Matt Damon's voice.


For some reason, I read everything in Anton Lavey's voice.
posted by steambadger at 6:33 AM on February 25, 2011


I'm well past the point where I have to speak the words as a read them. But I'm impressed that you guys do impressions as you read aloud.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:03 AM on February 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips.

Ya know; he may be a egomaniacal, misogynistic, drugged up whoremonger, for whom I've never had any real affinity, but I really love that phrase. I wish I'd written it.
posted by dejah420 at 7:04 AM on February 25, 2011


Plenty of perfectly nice actors leave their shows, killing them and putting a bunch of people out of work.

Absolutely true, and it's their right to do so. Doesn't make them "perfectly nice" though. It's kind of a dick move to quit a show that isn't done yet just because you don't want to any more. The less notice they give, the less nice they are. That said, anyone working in an industry as fickle as entertainment who doesn't understand that any job can end at any moment is delusional.
posted by gjc at 7:04 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


I really love that phrase. I wish I'd written it.
Who can match the epic poetry of Sheen's smack talking? If that guy is making that stuff up on the spot, then credit him for the genius he possesses, and it's Hollywood's failure that they haven't taken advantage of this singular, astonishing talent.

Who wants to see him roll his eyes while wearing a bowling shirt? I want a television show called "Charlie Sheen Talk Shit" that consists entirely of sending him to sidewalk basketball games to get in the faces of other players, or, I don't know, to attend "Tosca" and rise during the performance and express his feelings about it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:08 AM on February 25, 2011 [12 favorites]


I know I'm in the minority, but schadenfreude just leaves me feeling empty inside. Perhaps, if he wasn't making life miserable for hundreds of others...
posted by tommasz at 7:13 AM on February 25, 2011


I want a television show called "Charlie Sheen Talk Shit"

How about *#@# Charlie Sheen Says? He could live with his teenage son and give him his patented style of wisdom everytime the kid has some problem. Bonus: Shatner could play grandpa and make occasional guest appearances.
posted by damn dirty ape at 7:24 AM on February 25, 2011


I was in the moment with the George Clooney comment until the peace out. Not quite sure I can believe George Clooney saying peace out.
posted by cavalier at 7:51 AM on February 25, 2011


I'm still trying to figure out who the hell watches Two and Half Men. That being said, this Prince of Darkness shit is totally awesome.

I own Seasons 1-7 on DVD. If you watch all the seasons together (as I did when I was recently sick), then you can see that it's essentially a meditation on loneliness. Sure, Charlie has tons of girls coming in and out of his life, but at the end of the day, he's waking up hungover with no one to really love or comfort him.
posted by reenum at 8:22 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Chaaaaaaarle, hey Chaaaaaaarlie! Let's go on a talk show, Chaaaaaaaarlie!
posted by xedrik at 8:22 AM on February 25, 2011 [10 favorites]


Let me just say that I'm disappointed that this thread is nigh on 200 comments and somehow less than 1% of them have expressed the sentiment that my girl scody nailed:

"Aaaaand a few hundred people just lost their jobs. Because CHARLIE SHEEN IS A WINNER."


What's that Clerks quote about contractors working on the Death Star when it blew up? Something about how they knew what they were getting into?

I'm in Nowhere, Minnesota and I tons of Sheen news without even trying. There's no way this caught any of them by surprise.
posted by unixrat at 8:26 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Or even "Sh*t My Charlie Says."
posted by bigskyguy at 8:41 AM on February 25, 2011


Now imagine one of the VPs decides to just hose the company, putting it in bankruptcy, and everyone is out of a job. Then he gloats about how great he is so who cares? Now maybe you could find a job. Maybe a company making a horrible product going out of business is good. Maybe you don't deserve another job any more than all the unemployed people on the street. But none of that is the point.

The point is that this guy is a jerk and couldn't care less about the hundreds of people working hard to make him a success and are now out of a job solely because he is a jerk.
Well, no one is saying he's not a jerk! The thing you described happens all the time by rapricious 'private equity' investors who pillage companies for all there worth and leave them as hollow shells. And those people are definitely jerks!

My question is whether or not Sheen has some sort of special moral responsibility that those private equity dudes don't. And unlike the wallstreet goons, network television time is a finite resource so it's just going to go to other people, instead of disappearing.

(Or another example would be a star leaving a show simply because they're bored, like David Duchovny on the X-Files or get the opportunity to work in movies or whatever)
I think it's quite possible that he was just fucking around with Alex Jones, a paranoid nutcase prone to bouts of antisemitism. The Sheen quotes could easily be taken as making fun of the 9/11 Truther audience that Jones attracts.

Which would make this awfully ironic : a sober Sheen attempts to play a joke on a nutty radio host, and gets fired because his own recent conduct has been so outrageous that everybody thinks he's being serious.
Yeah but he was definitely on something when he wrote his response.
posted by delmoi at 8:44 AM on February 25, 2011


re: Charlie Sheen's Octagon

i think that's a reference to a Chuck Norris movie. not kidding


I'm really hoping that's what it's about, beacuse the alternatives are... unpleasant.

However, Charlie Sheen's Octagon would make for a great fight show. Get two nominally famous people, give them loads of drugs, and have them fight it out, with words, fists, sliced deli meats, molotov cocktails, or whatever floats their drug addles minds at the time. Just this rule: drugs first, then weapon choices.
posted by chambers at 8:58 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Figure the Octagon reference is to the weird S&M playpen the UFC fights in.

Honest question: do funds from completion bonds get used to compensate below the line staff on the affected production?
posted by jtron at 9:09 AM on February 25, 2011


Figure the Octagon reference is to the weird S&M playpen the UFC fights in.

Which is itself a reference to the old Chuck Norris movie, as they wanted something to visually separate it from boxing or wrestling.

It's also strange that while it is called a ring, you rarely, if ever see fights in a circular playing area. Even bullfights are more commonly held in an oval shaped area, IIRC. They are all still ringed by some kind of barrier, but still, it is a tad strange.
posted by chambers at 9:18 AM on February 25, 2011


from the AV Club:

Then there's this from The Hollywood Reporter, who adds that Sheen sent a series of text messages to Good Morning America's Andrea Canning claiming that he still intends to show up for work next week, despite CBS canceling production of the show. He also says that he is currently in talks for his own show on HBO—something he'd first suggested to RadarOnline. According to Sheen, he is "close to securing a 10-episode guarantee" for something he's calling Sheen's Corner, which he says "will be epic, all types of guests and we will focus on the truth and the absurd!" (So, sort of a combination of Real Time With Bill Maher, Playboy After Dark, and Penn And Teller: Bullshit, we guess.) Not surprisingly, HBO immediately denied that it is in talks with Sheen.
posted by COBRA! at 9:23 AM on February 25, 2011


Octagon? Octagon? Octagon? Octagon?
posted by aught at 9:43 AM on February 25, 2011


he is "close to securing a 10-episode guarantee" for something he's calling Sheen's Corner, which he says "will be epic, all types of guests and we will focus on the truth and the absurd!" Not surprisingly, HBO immediately denied that it is in talks with Sheen.

He needs to put that crack pipe down like yesterday.

They need to do that 5150 involuntary psychiatric hold on him and assess if he's dangerous.
posted by anniecat at 10:26 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


... but at the end of the day, he's waking up hungover with no one to really love or comfort him

... except his nebbish brother and bland nephew. Which I think is supposed to be heartwarming or something, but instead just comes off to me as a setup for glamorizing the jackass.
posted by lodurr at 10:40 AM on February 25, 2011


re: Charlie Sheen's Octagon

He earlier challenged Chuck Lorre to a cage match.

he is "close to securing a 10-episode guarantee" for something he's calling Sheen's Corner

I read he wanted $5M episode for the HBO show which is crazy.

I also read somewhere last night that he wanted to leave the show last year but CBS/WBTV got him back on 2 year extension by offering nearly $2M an episode. Not sure of language of this contract but he could be doing this to get out of contract but still get paid. But that would be a level of genius I don't think came from Alex Jones of the gaggle of porn chicks and escorts on retainer.
posted by birdherder at 10:40 AM on February 25, 2011


Everyone is saying he snorts it. He doesn't. He smokes it--according to him.

For him being him--mental illness or drug addict, I can't believe women are going out with him, let alone marry him and having kids.

And if he is a drug head and/or someone this angry due to mental illness WHY does he have custody of those twins? Either the mother should be going to court getting full custody or the court needs to intervene. I can't see hookers and blow/crack being a good environment for children let alone his chaotic/angry rants.

Denise Richards was smart to leave him while pregnant. You know that's serious stuff when a pregnant woman leaves. Sad she had to deal with his crap for as many years as she did.

He's just scary all the way around. Although if a woman wants to make a quick $50k, he's your man.
posted by stormpooper at 11:05 AM on February 25, 2011


If he wants to make my Dragoncon, he needs to pair up with Edward Furlong as the century's biggest drugheaded losers who need a quick buck.
posted by stormpooper at 11:06 AM on February 25, 2011


Ok, I have to ask about the loathing and I ask this hoping to trap some here: Do you hate Charlie Sheen for what he represents or for his weaknesses?
Because there was another artist that was promiscuous and drug addled whose selfish pursuits led to people being unemployed and their own ultimate death: Janis Joplin left Big Brother and the Holding Company and all the people that worked for them.
Jimi Hendrix too. Jim Morrison? Spaulding Grey? Ernest Hemingway? Edgar Allen Poe?
There were a lot of typesetters, printers and bookbinders that would have more money in their pockets if Virginia Woolf would have kept the rocks out of her pockets.

I can't wish death on someone with a problem merely because I don't like what they produce.
posted by vapidave at 11:27 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


speaking for myself, i hate the fact that charlie sheen is idolized for his sophomoric quasi-nietzschean abusiveness. (taken in the spirit in which it's intended*, "I cured it with my brain" is "will to power" for 21st C. 13-year-olds-stuck-in-40-something-bodies) for the guy himself, i just feel a certain queasiness. (plus some new respect for people who have had to play opposite him without visibly shuddering. john malcovich springs to mind.)

--
*This rant looks to me like pretty garden variety mega-narcissism. It's where Howard Stern would be with Charlie Sheen's looks.
posted by lodurr at 12:25 PM on February 25, 2011


Ok, I have to ask about the loathing and I ask this hoping to trap some here: Do you hate Charlie Sheen for what he represents or for his weaknesses?

Maybe it's just me, but I dislike him for his history of domestic violence. A person really doesn't have to do anything else in order to qualify as a total jackhole in my book. Did you abuse your partner? Yes? Multiple times? Multiple partners? Yeah...all the rest is secondary to that.

(In truth, I suspect his other issues are all wrapped up with that entitlement to use violence and force against people he purportedly cares about, but it's the violence that seals the deal.)
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 12:26 PM on February 25, 2011 [10 favorites]


fuck you money
posted by banshee at 2:24 PM on February 25, 2011


Well, at least we can stop debating whether Sheen is on the A-list or not. Nobody really cares if you were the highest-paid actor on television last Tuesday.

And I'm amused by vapidave's comment:
Ha! I'm detecting some misdirected jealousy here in the various avenues of condemnation.

Damn near everyone has had a job where they have fantasized about publicly telling their boss to go fuck themselves, consequences be damned. Sheen gets to do that and the possible outcomes are either he gets fired and walks away with hundreds of millions of dollars or he keeps his obscenely high-paying job after having publicly told his boss to go fuck himself.
Really? He had a contract where he could get a nine-figure payout if he was fired for any reason? (This isn't exactly his first time to the druggie rodeo, remember.) And even if he did get a big chunk of termination money from them, so what? His lifestyle isn't exactly conducive to stable money management. Mike Tyson made something like $300 million in his life, and he's dead broke.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:35 PM on February 25, 2011


This whole fiasco is a great lesson in how important it is to remain humble and grateful for the things we're given in life. You might be out of your goddamned mind, but people are a lot more willing to forgive your shortcomings if you exude love and kindness.
posted by mullingitover at 2:39 PM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Good Ol' Charlie Sheen
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 2:45 PM on February 25, 2011


Two and a Half Men Leaked Finale
posted by Gary at 3:28 PM on February 25, 2011


Really? He had a contract where he could get a nine-figure payout if he was fired for any reason?

Sorry for being unclear. What I meant by that was that he's made enough in the past (and right now he's making $1,250,000 per episode) so that he's no longer financially beholden to his employer and I'm sure he's going to be cashing residual checks for years to come. I'm sure it adds up to hundreds of millions but stated specifically it doesn't quit sing though.

Mike Tyson made something like $300 million in his life, and he's dead broke.

Don King, a crushing need to be liked (crimes notwithstanding), being an orphan without guidance after the death of Cus D'Amato and not having savvy lawyers to advise him is the reason Mike Tyson is broke.
posted by vapidave at 4:35 PM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Just realized this is not the first time at this rodeo for Chuck Lorre. He used to be the producer for Grace Under Fire (an early 90s sitcom):

After the first season, the creative aspect of the show experienced a revolving door of producers and writers. These changes were a result of creative clashes between the production team and Butler. Butler constantly fought for (and eventually won) more creative control for her character and show. These arguments led to the removal of the show's Creator/Executive Producer, Chuck Lorre, from production work, although he stayed with the show as a "comedy consultant." As with Roseanne and Cybill, the back-stage conflicts of Grace Under Fire were well publicized.[citation needed]
In the fourth and fifth seasons of the show, Butler was fighting a painkiller addiction, for which she eventually sought medical help. During Butler's addiction and subsequent treatment, clashes with other cast members occurred. Butler allegedly flashed her breasts at actor Jon Paul Steuer, who was 12 years old at the time and was playing the son of Butler's character.[citation needed] Sources have speculated that Steuer's exit from the show in 1996 was because his mother pulled him out after the incident with Butler. At the start of Season 4, Sam Horrigan became the third actor to play Quentin Kelly, and with him in the role, the character's age advanced to 16. Cast member Julie White left the show after Season 4, also citing Butler's behavior as the reason.[3]


-wikipedia
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:47 PM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


nobody ever condemned Kelsey Grammar

Grammer police?
posted by jeremy b at 7:23 PM on February 25, 2011


Don King, a crushing need to be liked (crimes notwithstanding), being an orphan without guidance after the death of Cus D'Amato and not having savvy lawyers to advise him is the reason Mike Tyson is broke.

And you don't imagine that legal fees and lawsuit payouts to women he's abused, a crushing need to be admired (leading to large amounts of money spent on entourage and harem, some of the latter being very high-priced indeed [keeping a few top-earning porn stars on the leash can't come cheap], an expensive drug habit and the attendant need to hide said habit from yourself because you cured it with your brain and everyone knows Charlie's success rate is 100%, the kind of ego that can lead you to get involved in insane lost causes without allowing anyone to check you, and anything else we could think of all packed into a none-too-sharp package -- you don't imagine that all this and more couldn't do the same for Charlie Sheen?
posted by lodurr at 3:47 AM on February 26, 2011


Wait, Carlos Irwin Estevez is busting someone else's chops for taking a stage name

I read that as an antisemitic slur. "Hey, his name is really Chaim (if you catch my drift)." Given that it'd be odd for him to be complaining about stage names in general, that does seem to be the most obvious interpretation.
posted by klausness at 4:15 AM on February 26, 2011


i read the earlier comment as a veiled reference to the anti-semitism. maybe too subtle, but sensible in the context of his family. (Martin Sheen / Ramon Estevez: "I'm hispanic by birth, and Irish by profession.")

When Young Guns came out, I saw a promo interview with Charlie talking about the on-screen antagonism between his character & Emlio's. Saying essentially that they had usually been at one another's throats as kids (and this when they're in their early 20s, so not very distant past). At the time, Charlie was making less splashy stuff and impressing people as an actor, and Emilio was taking a production role in high-profile flops like Wisdom and Young Guns/Young Guns 2, and since the auteur thing annoyed me at the time I interpreted it as Emilio being a young turk and Charlie being more interested in doing things the family way. It didn't occur to me at the time that Emilio was getting those chances to fail because he'd proved something to somebody at some point that made them think he was reliable. Now at a point in life when a person with some money management skills could coast perpetually, Emilio is out directing TV shows that he has no financial relationship with (i.e., trying to build skills & a track record? trying to be like Clint? neither one a bad ambition, mind you...), and Charlie is out blowing shitloads of $$ on paid companionship and other more literal drugs, and I'm thinking I was wrong to jump to that conclusion back then. I should just really not have paid attention to it.
posted by lodurr at 8:05 AM on February 26, 2011


I've never understood this, the effects in that film are pretty obviously fake.

If the effects were so obviously fake, the Japanese police and the FBI wouldn't have already been investigating the film before the complaint had been made. One has to also assume Sheen may have been high at the time of viewing as well.

I first saw the film as part of the backdrop for Skinny Puppy's 'Too Dark Park' tour (in 1990 or '91) and it freaked the crap out of me at the time.
posted by stinkycheese at 9:25 AM on February 26, 2011


vapidave, unless you're privy to any of the details of Sheen's contract (and feel free to post/link to that any old time if you are; I'm serious--in his current state, it's not out of the realm of possibility that Sheen would do that), you're just fantasizing. Yes, he'll get residuals, but hundreds of millions? Even as a ball park figure, where did you pull that out of?

But that's really irrelevant, because, if watching the financial problems of various entertainment and sports figures has taught us anything, it's that:

1) There is no sum of money large enough that it can't be pissed through if it's not managed carefully, particularly if the person in question has serious personal problems, and not limited to the ones that you listed for Tyson. Again, this isn't some minor, temporary phase that Sheen is going through; I remember him talking about it, in one of his saner phases, back in the late eighties--he was talking about how his face was bloated from boozing during the Wall Street shoot, and Bono had a word with him about it. As lodurr pointed out, his current lifestyle is none too frugal, and he seems to be taking pride in not listening to anyone's advice (and insulting the guy who singlehandedly made him rich and rescued him from the ranks of the has-beens); do you think that he's going to listen to his financial advisors, assuming he even has them?

2) Part of the reason why some stars bleed money so quickly is that the sports/entertainment ecosystem teems with parasites. If they don't outright steal from the stars, they feed them bad advice and get them involved in schemes that end up getting them in worse trouble than they would have been in had they simply gone broke. The illegal dogfighting ring that Michael Vick got involved in included some of his old friends, and he went bankrupt in part from financing a lifestyle for several relatives that was scarcely less luxurious than his own. Wesley Snipes tried to get on the tax protest bandwagon on the advice of his accountant, and just started a three-year hitch in the federal pen.

And, so, who is Sheen hanging around with now? Lenny "Nails" Dykstra, the guy who thought that he could found a financial empire on offering financial advice to other sports stars, who, the last I heard, had had his homes foreclosed on (and had trashed and looted one of them, possibly after he'd lost it), and was living out of his car. That'll end well.

You seem to have a certain amount of headspace invested in the idea that Sheen has this never-ending firehose of fuck-you money that he can use to finance his debauched lifestyle and speaking to power. I've made my case as best as I can that that's just not a realistic outcome here. As things look now, it's too sad for schadenfreude.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:29 AM on February 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


These stars look at people like Frank Sinatra or Mark Wahlberg and see somebody who's become influential and wealthy while carrying an entourage. People like Sinatra & Mark Wahlberg have done no favors for their colleagues by making the entourage thing seem to work out for them. Whatever they've got that makes it work (and it may just be a really trustworthy agent or accountant*), most don't have it. Emulating them is a mistake. And for every Dennis Hopper who seems to make Teh Crazy work as a career plan, there's probably hundreds who just wash out and are now doing landscaping or selling insurance or living on the street or something.

Years ago I dated a woman who was personal assistant to a married-couple of then-rising (since obscured) young stars, and ever since then I've been mindful of the expense that goes into being a rising young star or even an established star. So much stuff, so many people, to pay for -- so much slack time when you're not working but you've still got to pay the trainer and the PA and be at the right places. It adds up, and that was for relatively frugal folks. Someone was always trying to sell them on something, get them to lend some money, put a whim into their heads to go somewhere or do something. (I'm wondering if Scientology doesn't actually protect some of these rising stars by blocking more aggressive parasites. Not that that makes them alright.)

I doubt Charlie Sheen will ever have to live on the streets -- he's got enough notoriety that someone will always be willing to pay him something to do something, and a good-sized extended family who've shown a record of supporting him in the past -- but I just don't see a Jackie Earle Haley or Jason Bateman act in his future.

__
*Alright, so that's not what Sinatra had.
posted by lodurr at 4:59 PM on February 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


I have little enough headspace as it is HalloweenJack but some of what I do possess is invested in my loathing of the idea of celebrity. The effort you spent compels me to answer. I neither like nor hate Charlie Sheen, or Lady Gaga, or Justin Bieber. I do however hate the culture of Star Search, American Idol, So You Think You Can Sing?, So You Think You Can Dance? Flava of Love, The Bachelor, Amazing Race, Survivor. I can neither sing nor dance nor sing a goofy toothed Les Mis. I did at one point in my life fantasize about being a guitar hero. Then I grew up. (such as it is)
What I object to is the idea that fame is the sine qua non of a satisfactory life; that Charlie Sheen or Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber matter.

You and I do, they don't.
posted by vapidave at 7:36 PM on February 26, 2011


animated version
posted by symbioid at 7:57 PM on February 26, 2011


Could this all be the result of a vanity card?

Chuck Lorre flashes these vanity cards at the end of the shows--usually too fast for anyone to actually read. (Some of them are pretty funny).

Well, apparently, someone read this one:

I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I've had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKG's and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.

If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.


That would explain some of Charlie Sheen's statements:
What does this say about Haim Levine after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me?

Chuck Lorre has decided to stop putting vanity cards after his shows.
posted by eye of newt at 1:39 AM on February 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


It's probably not the first time Sheen has been the subject of one of Lorre's vanity cards. This one, for example, aired a few weeks after Sheen trashed his hotel room, the one with the naked porn star locked in the bathroom. This one showed up a few weeks after Sheen was arrested for assaulting his wife, following a show that aired on the same day Sheen was formally charged with felony menacing and 3rd degree assault of his wife.

It's passiveaggressive notes.com to 14 million viewers.
posted by jamaro at 3:16 AM on February 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm sure the vanity card is part of it -- Sheen says so ("not fond" of it) -- but the feud goes back a ways, and Sheen's anti-semitism is pretty blatant. (how would Sheen feel if someone "Carlos Estevez, if you know what I mean"?) This is definitely about more than a vanity card. There's something -- since nothing specific has come up, I'm guessing a whole lot of little things -- that's just bringing these guys head to head. E.g., the whole thing about Lorre not doing his job as a writer I interpreted as him providing weak dialog for Sheen's character. Though his character's dialog has always seemed really weak to met. This is not what I would call "smart" sitcom writing. "Smart ass", maybe, but there's a fundamental smallness to almost all the dialog. anyway, maybe Sheen wants Lorre to have the writers turn him into a less-crypto hero (make no mistake, he's absolutely cast as a hero).

For example, it must stick in Sheens craw to have to issue dialog like this (which sticks in my mind because it's one of the very few genuinely funny bits I can ever remember seeing on this show -- from memory, so probably not 100% right):
CHARLIE: Rose, am I a misogyinist?
ROSE [belly-laughs*]: Oh, dear, what, did somebody say you're not? [suddenly serious] Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were proud of that.
Personally I'm of two minds on the vanity card. On the one hand, this one could be seen as playing to a public image that Sheen seems to revel in, so you could make the argument (I wouldn't, see following) that it's at least inconsistent of Sheen to take offense at it. On the other hand, even if that's Lorre's stated rationale for that card, it's at least passive aggressive if not downright aggressive. It's kind of small behavior for someone with show-running responsibility. But I guess, given the egos involved, that shouldn't be surprising either.

--
*also sticks in my head because the timing in this actress's delivery was just spot-on. I don't remember her name, but she is the sharpest tack on that show by a long shot, and I'm a bit of a Conchatta Ferrell fan going back a long ways.
posted by lodurr at 3:22 AM on February 27, 2011


... all that having been said, "Hooker in the Closet" [thanks, jamaro] should definitely be recorded and released. I'm sure it will be a big hit.
posted by lodurr at 3:30 AM on February 27, 2011


Rose is played by Melanie Lynskey, lodurr, and she is an otherwise-excellent actress who (sadly) is going to be remembered for Two and a Half Men and Sweet Home Alabama.
posted by pineapple at 3:37 PM on February 27, 2011


I guess he's going to be on 20/20. He seems unwell in the promo clip at the bottom of that page.
posted by anniecat at 4:11 PM on February 27, 2011


Anniecat, that clip was scary.

His family must be terrified.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:38 PM on February 27, 2011


Sheen is on the Today show this morning. Faces of meth could use him as the next poster child.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:20 AM on February 28, 2011


pineapple, thanks for reminding me of her name. She's on my list*.

--
*...of actors I'll make a point to look for.
posted by lodurr at 9:32 AM on February 28, 2011


Alex Jones, the D.J. on whose show Charlie appeared, came on the View to advocate for Charlie Sheen this morning, saying that Charlie Sheen has been "clean" for seven months and all this...passion...is just a result of the excitement that, apparently, builds up and comes out when you are no longer using.

Really. This is what he said.

Sad, isn't it?
posted by misha at 10:53 AM on February 28, 2011


Oh, and I just love Charlie Sheen's sentiment on AA from the Today show interview. The man's words are lyrical, "It was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA."

Charlie Sheen is a Vatican Assassin Warlock with tiger blood and Adonis DNA!
posted by misha at 10:58 AM on February 28, 2011 [1 favorite]


lodurr, WRT Lynskey's back catalog, you could do worse than watch Heavenly Creatures by Peter Jackson (yes, that one); you may have seen her co-star in one or two other things, as well.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:19 AM on February 28, 2011


Does cocaine make people bipolar? Because, again, Mr. Sheen seems manic.

I will say he is starting to look tired around the edges. If he is on the mood swing, that dip is gonna be terrifying.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:13 PM on February 28, 2011


> Does cocaine make people bipolar?

More just gigantic assholes. He's going to crash hard and I hope no one is around to get hurt.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:15 PM on February 28, 2011


Latest installment in the Sheenathon: a profile in GQ by Amy Wallace (not sure if that's the author and daughter of Irving Wallace or not). Complicated relationship with his dad; also, his close friend/stunt double/running buddy doesn't think that it's possible that Sheen could run out of money, but also said, "Charlie apparently is in his own downward spiral. Every time I'm gone on location, I worry. Because there are just three options: rehab, jail, or death"; also also, Sean Penn (another close friend) says that Sheen's life is a work of performance art.
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:22 PM on February 28, 2011


WTF? "Droopy-eyed armless children".
posted by unliteral at 4:17 PM on February 28, 2011


cats quote sheen
posted by tomswift at 6:10 PM on February 28, 2011 [1 favorite]


Apparently his last test came up clean. He is either borrowing urine or his brain got so used to being high it decided to stay that way.
posted by molecicco at 2:38 AM on March 1, 2011


Yeeeeah. So above where I said that Sheen would be back because nobody wants to kill the golden egg laying goose?

As Ron Ziegler said, that statement is no longer operative.
posted by Justinian at 2:51 AM on March 1, 2011


"What followed was a period of abject despair. In a no-holds-barred Playboy interview in 2000, Charlie discussed his confusion about "how I went from making multimillion-dollar deals on movies and fucking Playmates to being unemployable and fucking a, um, five-months-pregnant Mexican whore with Cesarean scars." *

Oh, good grief.
posted by taz at 3:59 AM on March 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


... the excitement that, apparently, builds up and comes out when you are no longer using.

based on observation of friends & family who've given up using, and on what my wife (who works in a substance abuse clinic right now) tells me, the more common outcome is depression. though she also tells me it's common for people who use for a very long time to get rewired by the experience. Either way, it's not like bodily humors getting out of balance.
posted by lodurr at 4:42 AM on March 1, 2011


I think what really annoys me most about Charlie and his admirers is their outright contempt for normal people.

News for you, Charlie (and Alex): AFAICS, you are neither as talented as you think you are, nor in the same way. That "magic in your fingers"? It's compensation for your sense of inadequacy. (Those elaborate conspiracy theories about how the "prison planet" is run, Alex? Your excuses for not accomplishing the things you once thought your destiny.)

Ordinary people grow up, get over it, and (ideally) contribute something to the world. Or for that matter, grow up, refuse to get over it, and contribute. Charlie & his gnarlingtons are people who neither grew up, nor ever got over it, and so just end up thrashing about providing spurious evidence that growing up is BAD, and we all should just indulge our inner brat all we want because it's the Artistic Imperative.
posted by lodurr at 4:49 AM on March 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Halloween_Jack: I didn't know Melanie Lynskey was in Heavenly Creatures, which has been on my to-watch list for other reasons. (I've known a lot of people who loved that book, the subject matter was once of very intense interest to me, and people I respect have told me that if you're interested in Jackson's evolution as a director, which I am, a little, you have to see it.)
posted by lodurr at 4:53 AM on March 1, 2011


I think what really annoys me most about Charlie and his admirers is their outright contempt for normal people.

Is it really his fault that you can't comprehend his gnarliness?
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 5:06 AM on March 1, 2011


Isn't he the only person left ON THE PLANET who still actually uses the word "gnarly"?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:12 AM on March 1, 2011


c'mon, gnarly's a gnarly word. they were using it on 'wait, wait' just a couple of weeks ago. though, to be fair, they were getting it translated by a pro surfer.

it's also got a current small vogue in science fiction and mathematics. particularly interesting applied-math problems are apparently sometimes described as 'gnarly' -- Rudy Rucker even has a particularly class of problems he describes as 'gnarly math'.
posted by lodurr at 5:28 AM on March 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


(A)Ha(W)O: You're right, I just can't process it. And I never will. Now if only my wife were ugly, I could totally validate Charlie's opinion of me.
posted by lodurr at 5:30 AM on March 1, 2011


You know who Sheen is starting to look like? Mark E. Smith.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:06 PM on March 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Live The Sheen Dream
posted by brundlefly at 1:52 PM on March 1, 2011


Gnarly math, wicked problems...cool.
posted by effugas at 9:47 PM on March 1, 2011


Police remove Sheen's children from his home
posted by Burhanistan at 10:42 PM on March 1, 2011


I'm not a doctor or any kind of mental health professional, but I'm starting to get a feeling that Charlie Sheen is bipolar, and maybe turned to coke &c as a way of compensating for the letdown at the end of a manic period. I mean, really, people self-medicate mental illness with recreational drugs all the damn time, it doesn't have to be an either-or. But I'm guessing that a relentless, out-of-control cocaine and amphetamine usage pattern is not exactly a good strategy for stabilizing a cycling mental illness.

Dude is a POET -- I've not seen ranting like this since Hunter S. Thompson -- but he's come badly unglued and I hope he finds some peace.
posted by KathrynT at 10:56 PM on March 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


Burhanistan, I must admit I watched the 20/20 interview tonight, and I was wondering how long it would take before the twins got taken to their mom.

I hate to be the person watching a train wreck, but when the train is saying, "Look at me, I'm a superhuman alien!" Well, it's hard to not want to see what happens.

My near teenage kids watched it with me. I explained beforehand what the guy's habits have been and how that can be a problem with brain wiring in the long run. My kids' responses to some statements were generally, "He just said what? That makes no sense."

He's not that much older than me, but the habits, they take their toll. He's looking at least 10 years older than he should... on TV!

I feel for the guy and his family, as I would for any other human beings. He's still being a narcissistic A-hole.

That guy might think he's a genius, and maybe he is, but he's no John Belushi. John Belushi was a genius and a monster in the drug department, and look how that turned out. Dead is dead.
posted by lilywing13 at 11:08 PM on March 1, 2011


Police remove Sheen's children from his home

My initial reaction to this hoo-hah was that mental illness wasn't funny, but it was more entertaining than Two and a Half Men.

Now it's not even that.
posted by mazola at 9:02 AM on March 2, 2011


Eclectic Method's Charlie Sheen Remix
posted by finite at 8:34 AM on March 4, 2011


Awesome catchy song with our favorite Charlie quotes for lyrics
posted by She Talks To Angels at 5:47 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


According to Sheen's Twitter feed, one of the women he lives with has quit.
posted by KathrynT at 1:13 AM on March 5, 2011


KathrynT, don't see anything re. that so he probably deleted that one. If you link directly to the tweet, people can often see them even after they're deleted.

(May, that twitter stream is pathetic. He's either set or thinks he's set a record for largest number of twitter feeds [maybe most rapid growth?], and he apparently sees the fact that 1.6M people are signed up to see the monkey dance as a sign of #winning.)
posted by lodurr at 5:14 AM on March 5, 2011


I had this insane idea of Sheen doing a reality based call-in blogging type of radio/ studio scenrio going were the wacky characters of todays world come at charlie and he just bats them with the absurdity of persona.
posted by clavdivs at 5:19 AM on March 5, 2011


KathrynT, don't see anything re. that so he probably deleted that one. If you link directly to the tweet, people can often see them even after they're deleted.


I still see that post on my twitter feed, fwiw....
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:46 AM on March 5, 2011


They should get Charlie Sheen to host the Oscars - or the Emmys. That would be interesting
posted by zia at 11:29 AM on March 6, 2011


Michelle Norris @ NPR thinks Charlie's a bellwether of social change in the workplace: 'Years from now, mark my words: We'll have seminars on how to manage people who are, as he put it, "Winning."'
posted by lodurr at 1:26 PM on March 7, 2011


Argh. Michell Martin. Michelle Martin. (Of course I don't have a minor crush on Michelle Norris or anything...)
posted by lodurr at 1:27 PM on March 7, 2011


This is crazy cynical.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:32 PM on March 7, 2011


Just because Sheen is crazy doesn't mean he can't monetize it. Lots of money has been made over the years by hypomanic or manic people. The problem is even more money gets spent by those same folks.....
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:38 PM on March 7, 2011


i think it's evidence in favor of Michelle Martin's point, which as I read her is that we will continually increase the gain on crazy as long as it pays dividends in some sense.

(FWIW, I'm pretty sure that what she was riffing on as much as Charlie is that current vogue of management seminars on 'how to manage gen-Y', where the advice basically boils down to treating them like spoiled children who have to be continually entertained lest they throw a tantrum and not do their homework.)
posted by lodurr at 1:56 PM on March 7, 2011


Charlie Sheen fired from ‘Two and A Half Men’.
posted by mazola at 1:58 PM on March 7, 2011


So... Have they tested him for... steroids?

I just tried tigerblood.com and that's what came up. Intriguing, eh?
posted by symbioid at 2:34 PM on March 7, 2011


new York Times: Sheen Is Surrounded by a Coterie of Enablers
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:25 PM on March 7, 2011


The very detailed call-out that the Warner Bros lawyers sent to Sheen's lawyers closes with this bit:
Mr. Sheen's conduct has caused significant damage to Warner Bros. By way of example only, due to Mr. Sheen's conduct, Warner Bros. has lost ten episodes of the Show—two last year and eight for the remainder of this season. In any ensuing arbitration, Warner Bros. will seek recovery of all of its damages including lost revenue from the Show, and all other damages the law allows.
It also includes the word "turd" six times.
posted by jamaro at 6:35 PM on March 7, 2011


I said all along that Sheen was never coming back.
posted by Justinian at 10:01 PM on March 7, 2011


Perhaps the Sheen meltdown has such resonance because he makes no apologies for who he is or what he does -an actor who is an unrepentant party animal playing an unrepentant party animal who is interested in neither salvation nor rehabilitation -and while the person may not be admirable, you could argue that his conviction is.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:40 AM on March 8, 2011


Yeah, that whole 'Charlie's got integrity because he doesn't pretend to be contrite' bit doesn't cut any ice with me. In my book, whatever integrity he can claim for not doing the fake-repentence dance, he loses for utter lack of insight into his own behavior -- particularly the fact that he's been beating up women and blaming it on them for, what, 25, 26 years, now?

As far as the firing goes, the only thing that surprises me is WB's scorched-earth counter-attack. Damages from Sheen's meltdown could very easily be construed to a value well beyond his net worth plus a realistic estimate of future earnings for the next decade. A clever legal accountant (and I'm sure WB has some very, very clever accountants) could easily run it up over a billion $$.

I think the best case scenario for Charlie, financially, is that WB is using this as a stick to keep him from suing for breach. In his present state of mind, I have my doubts that will work. I have a feeling Charlie's about to lose everything he has.
posted by lodurr at 6:51 AM on March 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


(I would so hate to be anyone in the Estevez family right now -- kids, siblings, parents, etc. I have to say that I totally understand the wall of silence. Speaking out might conceivably do someone somewhere some good, but the silence speaks volumes also. And we have no way of knowing what they say to Charlie in private.)
posted by lodurr at 6:58 AM on March 8, 2011


Here's some more.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:48 AM on March 8, 2011


Charlie Sheen's latest Webcast: The saddest performance of his career. I'm trying to watch this third night Sheen's Korner and it's just heartbreaking. At what point is involuntary commitment necessary?
posted by Nelson at 9:37 AM on March 8, 2011


Autotune the Sheen
posted by crunchland at 9:45 AM on March 8, 2011


Sheen in 1988.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:55 AM on March 8, 2011


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