Looking good Otzi!
February 26, 2011 6:59 AM   Subscribe

He's been dead for 5,300 years and exactly how he died is a matter of debate, but Otzi the Iceman has a new face, thanks to 2 Dutch artists, Alfons and Adrie Kennis.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (49 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Put the old face back. That one scares me.
posted by dougrayrankin at 7:00 AM on February 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


Oh goodness. Wasn't he in "Old School"?
posted by IvoShandor at 7:03 AM on February 26, 2011


That's a hard 45 years, man.
posted by absalom at 7:04 AM on February 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


It's amazing how little they knew about the long-term effects of tanning beds back then.
posted by PlusDistance at 7:10 AM on February 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


I have seen Ötzi digging for returnable cans in Harvard Square many times.
posted by briank at 7:19 AM on February 26, 2011 [9 favorites]


I thought, given his guessed age, the first face was more accurate. Did they decide he was older?
posted by Phalene at 7:33 AM on February 26, 2011


The new face looks like a man who wants change.
posted by knoyers at 7:43 AM on February 26, 2011


In the library, with a lead pipe. Next!
posted by gern at 7:48 AM on February 26, 2011


Lemmy?
posted by kuujjuarapik at 7:55 AM on February 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


Amazing work. Shitty web navigation. Two great tastes that taste great together.

Reconstruction humans 3d, 3rd from the right. Gilbraltar 1.
posted by three blind mice at 7:56 AM on February 26, 2011


Amazing work. Shitty web navigation. Referring to the artists' site which is worth a visit.
posted by three blind mice at 8:00 AM on February 26, 2011


Doesn't look a day over 5,000.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:05 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Poor bastard. He looks like the first guy who gets killed in a monster movie -- you know, the "colorful" one who is grubbing around muttering in the woods or an alleyway, then stops and says "Who is that? Who's there?" and then there's a roar and a scream and a cut back to a scene with the main characters.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:10 AM on February 26, 2011 [7 favorites]


You guys sound like those tourists in Brave New World seeing naturally aged people for the first time.
posted by Omnomnom at 8:24 AM on February 26, 2011 [24 favorites]


He reminds me of an old New Yorker cartoon in which a couple of cavemen are sitting around and one says (I paraphrase because this was a while ago) "You know, we exercise every day in fresh air, don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, eat organic locally sourced food and STILL our life expectancy is 35!"
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:25 AM on February 26, 2011 [5 favorites]


I killed him.

Man, I have been needing to get that off my chest. Phew. I feel a lot better now.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:26 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Just think--if he were alive today and had access to modern technology and health care, he'd be jerking off on Chatroulette.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:32 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't get all the haterade. He looks like a nice old guy who's spent his life outdoors.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:52 AM on February 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


He's certainly aged since his previous facial reconstruction.
posted by cropshy at 8:56 AM on February 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


He pushed north, into the alpine valleys, even as the clouds threatened to drop an early snow. There was game, roots, plenty to eat, but there were other things to worry about. His encounters with the local tribe had not gone as well as he had hoped. He smiled to himself, feeling the burning wound they had given him. He had survived worse.

The question remained in Ötzi's mind, nagging him, driving him. It didn't make any sense to him, it came to him in a vision, and it was more primal urge than clear thought, the swirling meaning just out of reach of his grasping mind. He wasn't sure what it was he was looking for, but he knew he would know it when he found it. "Does anyone have any spare change?"
posted by Xoebe at 9:04 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


i would like to offer my condolences to otzi's surviving relatives. please ignore the twittering from the wankers on this page. r.i.p. brother
posted by kitchenrat at 9:38 AM on February 26, 2011 [4 favorites]


A pair of British astromomical engineers posited that in 3123 B. C. a bolide streaked through the sky over the middle east and Mediterranean, spawning the mythologies of Sodom and Gomorrah, the Greek figure of Phaeton (who drove his chariot too close to the sun and perished), then hit the Alps, creating a shock wave that killed Otzi.

This is from an article in the new New Yorker, and I am unable to lift text, but interesting, if thin, conjecture.
posted by Danf at 9:50 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Guy lived during a time where life expectancies were pretty low and 45 was pretty up-there. It was a hard life and it shows.

Frankly, I've been fascinated with artistic reconstructions like this since I first encountered the idea as a kid; someone is blending science with art and coming up with something that actually looks like a person and not like, say, clay, paint, hair and plastics slapped onto a skull. Certainly looks a lot better than this thing, though I'd imagine if skull reconstruction also made the guy's face move it would be a lot more creepy than anything previously discovered in the uncanny valley.

I hope I never get so cynical that stuff like this doesn't make me feel like a child seeing magic done, though the internet and life as a waitress doesn't make that hope very realistic.
posted by neewom at 9:53 AM on February 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


i would like to offer my condolences to otzi's surviving relatives.

That would be cousin Osama. This iceman is obviously Ötzii bin Laden.
posted by beagle at 10:06 AM on February 26, 2011


Wow. He looks comically like my father in law. I shall have to dig up photos.
posted by zug at 10:08 AM on February 26, 2011


He looks like the dude who ran the latest Meth lab in metro Atl. Right down to the ponytail.

Kinda Freaky
posted by pearlybob at 10:09 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


My own dad is pushing 60 and looks a hell of a lot older. Of course, he's not a caveman - he's just a smoker who spent a lot of time outdoors with tanning oil instead of sunscreen. Very easy to believe that this dude is 45.

Really, they should put a poster of this face up in drugstores in the summer with a sign indicating "This guy was 45. WEAR SUNSCREEN."
posted by sonika at 10:24 AM on February 26, 2011 [4 favorites]


Well, hey, a new face--that's nice of them. What he really needs, though, is a new penis.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:41 AM on February 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


So...Jeff Bridges or Kris Kristofferson to star in the movie?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:44 AM on February 26, 2011


I don't think the new face is that bad, 45, under the conditions if his era, he might have been considered a good looking guy.

He also might not have actually looked that old. People used to oil their hair and actually comb it, people put oils on their skin as well, usually rendered animal fats, so I doubt very much he was that wrinkled. Yes, even men took care of their looks then.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:02 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't think the new face is that bad, 45, under the conditions if his era, he might have been considered a good looking guy.

So if I ever get whisked back to a time before antibiotics and nearly painless dentistry and personal care products, the upside is that even though my looks will deteriorate I'll still be the Stone Age equivalent of a supermodel? Neato!
posted by orange swan at 11:11 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


That guy totally looks like my uncle! Serious biker dude who really lived through the 60s.
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:43 AM on February 26, 2011


I killed him.

And you couldn't figure out how to dispose of the body?
posted by TedW at 11:45 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Guy lived during a time where life expectancies were pretty low and 45 was pretty up-there. It was a hard life and it shows.
Yes. Even in our modern world, I am struck by the difference in apparent age between those who are 45 and live a soft well-fed life with sunscreen, moisturizers, doctors, dentists, hairdressers, etc. vs. those who are 45 and have been out working in the fields for 40 years and scraping by with borderline food supplies and no health care.

Guess who looks older and more beat-up?
posted by SLC Mom at 11:48 AM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


the upside is that even though my looks will deteriorate I'll still be the Stone Age equivalent of a supermodel?

Standards of beauty change. You'd probably be undesirable because of your small, modern forehead and lack of body hair.

Mogg: Did you see the new chick?

Gorm: Yeah. I don't think she can take a blow to the skull and she's going to freeze when winter gets serious. She's got great skin and teeth, don't get me wrong, but she's not going to last long enough to have a child.

Note: you would be better off being unnoticed, because Mogg and Gorm are unfamiliar with concepts like "hygiene" and "sexual consent."
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:55 AM on February 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


Actually several of the Ice Man articles mention that the Ice Man had some sort of fungi intended to treat intestinal problems. People then used some naturally occuring anti- biotics, such as those fungi,
they also, as I mentioned in my last comment oiled their hair and skin. This was to keep warmer, prevent wind damage and tangles, as well as to dicourage parsites such as lice.
If this fellow was a shepherd as some people theorize, he would have had acess to lanolin, wich is a really great natural skin and hair care product.
His main health issues were probably intestinal parasites, arthritis, and perhaps he had bad teeth. Dental care was nonexistant then. If people made it past toddlerhood, they probably stayed fairly capable of handling the activities of daily life.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 12:09 PM on February 26, 2011


NEED HELP!
WAR VETERAN
GOD BLESS
posted by double block and bleed at 12:15 PM on February 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


Standards of beauty change. You'd probably be undesirable because of your small, modern forehead and lack of body hair.

Or considered some sort of threatening freak because of my pale skin, blue eyes, and red hair, and promptly clubbed to death.
posted by orange swan at 12:33 PM on February 26, 2011


Or worshipped as a goodess. Or seen a prized breeding material and traded away for the high price of 20 goats.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:36 PM on February 26, 2011


He could learn a thing or two from Joan Rivers.
posted by crunchland at 12:57 PM on February 26, 2011


Or seen a prized breeding material and traded away for the high price of 20 goats.

Pfffft, for my breeding prowess, 20 goats would be a bargain. 40 goats and a cow, bare minimum or nothing doing.
posted by sonika at 1:05 PM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Incredibly zoomable pictures.
posted by merelyglib at 1:24 PM on February 26, 2011


I have it on good authority that this guy was ten thousand times more badass than anyone snarking about his weathered appearance.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:35 PM on February 26, 2011 [7 favorites]


Pffft. I bet he couldn't beat Ken Jennings at Jeopardy.
posted by crunchland at 2:08 PM on February 26, 2011


Pffft. I bet he couldn't beat Ken Jennings at Jeopardy.

Oh, but he could beat Ken Jennings. Just with a club.
posted by tommasz at 4:03 PM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


TheWhiteSkull: "So...Jeff Bridges or Kris Kristofferson to star in the movie"

"Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!"
posted by bwg at 5:25 PM on February 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Wow, this dude looks familiar ... hey:

http://canoekayak.com/videos-photos/gallery/aleksander-doba-reaches-south-america/aleksander-doba-south-america-02.jpg

http://news.discovery.com/archaeology/2011/02/25/otzi-zoom.jpg
posted by pressF1 at 7:25 PM on February 26, 2011


What's interesting, to me, is how completely different he looks from the previous version of him. I mean, the dudes aren't even close in appearance. I think "grain of salt" is the first conclusion I can draw from these.
posted by Windopaene at 10:22 PM on February 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


neewom's comment is interesting to me, because I can remember when I first saw one of these facial reconstructions on the television as a little boy, no matter how often the voice-over kept repeating how much "science" went into creating these reconstructions, I just kept thinking: "But this is total bullshit! It's just a bloody fantasy!!!". And I would be angry all day.
posted by eeeeeez at 6:42 AM on February 28, 2011


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