if you are not pretty enough nothing else matters, not really, not in dating.
a like-minded man (who was also socially normal, intelligent and somewhat decent-looking, at least to me
As I have said in the past, I do not think that being shomer negiah, or at least celibate, is a bad idea for teenagers and people in their early 20's [...] But what happens as one gets older is: As one's sexual frustration grows, it starts to weaken the threads that used to hold together "sex" and "specialness" in the mind. Sex becomes more and more of a simple primal need, like food or air, [...]. And you have to have sex, even if it is not with the man of your dreams, as long as he is not a sleazebucket.
one of the S.N. by default girls
S.N. by default
So, maybe being S.N., when I was younger, was a way to say I don’t want to do sexual things because I’m too young or I’m not ready or I’m scared. A way to tell boys “We can date, but I won’t do anything physical with you until I know that you really love me and will stay with me, because you’ve married me.” Only instead of saying all that the words we used were I’m shomer negiah because that is an acceptable way of saying it in our culture ...
I don’t want to do sexual things because I’m too young or I’m not ready or I’m scared.
I’m shomer negiah
The secularist hopes and theories of the West which have won partial hold over men's minds all round the globe are remarkably generous ones. Like the ideals of earlier religions, they may yet demonstrate a staying power even in the face of repeated disappointment and failure. At the least, it is clear that men of nearly all nations, having once been exposed to the notions of liberty, equality, and fraternity, in any of the versions and with any of the accents which have been put upon these ideals, find them hard to forget and impossible to neglect. The vision of a free, well-fed, well-clothed, well-housed, and well-educated human being, member of a free and peaceable society, exerting his proportional share of influence to determine the mild and equable policies of "his" government, and himself contributing to the general welfare to the best of his abilities, holds a vast attraction for almost everyone. It has the further advantage that it may be vulgarized or specified in almost any manner to prescribe almost any line of conduct and appeal to almost any audience. ...
Even a cursory consideration of the wars and revolutions, of the political and social reform movements, and of the activities of the great multitude of charitable, social service, welfare, and missionary agencies during the century since 1850 will show that many men have proved ready, even eager, to labor, to suffer, and if need be, to die in the struggle to bring the heavenly city to earth. Liberals, nationalists, socialists, and communists each have pursued their own version of the ideal on the political stage; and countless others each have have dedicated private efforts to the task of remodeling one or another corner of the social scene in the hope that, through the voluntary actions of innumerable individuals, a better approximation to the free, equal, and brotherly society of their dreams might in time be achieved.
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