Narwhal Tusks for Sale

March 2, 2011 11:22 AM

There once was a man from Nantucket, who sold whale teeth by the bucket. His lucrative plan was found out by the Man. He'll get 33 months in prison.

Sentenced for breaking CITES laws by selling contraband Sperm whale and (Mefi's beloved) Narwhal teeth, an antiques dealer from New England's nautical playground of the rich will be sent to jail for a time.
This story brings to light that there is still a robust international trade in narwhal tusks. If you are a Canadian, you can get your own here.

posted by kuujjuarapik (28 comments total)

Baby Narwhal Tusk
Order Code: R-156-G5096

In stock and available for purchase.
Exportable.

This is a rare baby tusk. This tusk is from the 2008 season. We can obtain CITES export permits without waiting for the outcome of the scientific evaluation currently underway.


O CANADA

I feel so proud at this moment
posted by Hoopo at 11:28 AM on March 2, 2011

I flagged this post as fantastic for the non-limerick, which drew a coworker to my cubicle asking what was so funny.
posted by dismas at 11:32 AM on March 2, 2011 [9 favorites]

You get points for the limerick.
posted by malaprohibita at 11:34 AM on March 2, 2011 [6 favorites]

O NO LOOKOUT BEHIND YOU!
posted by Hoopo at 11:36 AM on March 2, 2011 [6 favorites]

I see what you did there.
posted by dunkadunc at 11:37 AM on March 2, 2011

*browses MeFi before logging in*

*logs in*

So, hey, um, apparently Google has no problem advertising all manner of ivory products.

Gross.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:43 AM on March 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

Nicely done, kuujjuarapik. And I learned something new today: I never knew there were whales with teeth before. I remember reading about baleen in elementary school and thinking it was the coolest thing ever.
posted by KGMoney at 11:44 AM on March 2, 2011

Does reddit know about this? They're gonna be pissed.
posted by Aizkolari at 11:47 AM on March 2, 2011

*
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Museum Conservatory. Purchasers of estate elephant tusks in the U.S.
www.ivorybuyer.com

Elk Tooth Custom Jewelry
Elk Ivory custom designed rings earrings and pendants
www.diamondpeakgold.com

Antique Ivory
Huge selection of Antique Ivory items.
Yahoo.com

Ivory at Auction Bid Now
Antique Ivory from China & Japan Asia Week Auction March 21 NYC
www.chait.com

Wow, you weren't kidding Sys Rq
posted by Think_Long at 11:49 AM on March 2, 2011

I was about to charge in here and go on about how narwhal tusks are creepy, being inside out compared to regular teeth ("a tooth that is soft on the outside and has its most dense part around the pulp"), as well as possibly being sensory apparatus ("a weather station. It has those abilities to detect changes in both its water environment and its air environment. It has--you know, even when it pushes that tusk above the water, it has the capability to understand barometric pressure and temperature, even of the air.")

Then I had a look at Wikipedia, and discovered that the "face aerial" theory is a little controversial.
posted by zamboni at 11:53 AM on March 2, 2011

I favorited for the limerick. I stayed for the GRAR.
posted by Splunge at 11:55 AM on March 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm glad the guy got caught and I hope they throw the book at him.

(I never learned about Narwhals in school. I saw the one in the movie Elf and thought they were imaginary just like Buddy's talking snowman friend. I was totally excited to learn they are real!)
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:57 AM on March 2, 2011

Think of narwhals as swimming unicorns.
posted by Cranberry at 12:03 PM on March 2, 2011

Now where can I get a necklace made out of scared, old republicans' teeth?
posted by hal_c_on at 12:06 PM on March 2, 2011 [11 favorites]

"He'll get thirty-three months in the can"
posted by paisley henosis at 12:08 PM on March 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

not can, bucket
posted by soelo at 12:10 PM on March 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, no, wait, AA BB A, not AA BB B

That's a lot harder.
posted by paisley henosis at 12:11 PM on March 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

Everything you could possibly want to know about narwhals in one annoying song.
posted by briank at 12:17 PM on March 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

"His three-decade plan? He can chuck it."
posted by Bookhouse at 12:26 PM on March 2, 2011

"His three-decade plan? He can chuck it."

Months, dude. Not years.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:27 PM on March 2, 2011

Aw, crap.
posted by Bookhouse at 12:30 PM on March 2, 2011

33 month prison junket.
posted by nzero at 1:18 PM on March 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

He'll get 33 months in prison.

Which is why (with derision)
If the tusk were a shiv, he'd have stuck it.
posted by Smart Dalek at 1:21 PM on March 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

"His three-decade plan? He can chuck it."

"He'll belong in the tooth.."

Months, dude. Not years.

"ah, fuck it."
posted by Elmore at 1:48 PM on March 2, 2011

In prison, his ass they will... nevermind.
posted by Splunge at 1:49 PM on March 2, 2011

Belong?
posted by Elmore at 1:49 PM on March 2, 2011

My extended family owns several narwhal horns, a product of my grandfather's career as a US Navy Captain. They were (legitimately) acquired many years ago after having been seized from smugglers. They are indeed some of the most beautiful objects I have ever seen.

Before he died my dad was working on a children's book about First Contact between humans and whales, involving a bio-linguist who makes a breakthrough in the language of whales ultimately leading to a treaty with the UN brokered by the great-grandson of Moby Dick. He was largely inspired by growing up around the artefacts of these wonderful creatures.
posted by scalefree at 6:28 PM on March 2, 2011

Why risk run-ins with the law when you can just print your own? Your local smiling sperm whale will thank you.
posted by phooky at 9:21 PM on March 2, 2011