"Yarr! Go To Sleep, You Scurvy Dog!"

March 3, 2011 4:54 AM

The Ultimate Pirate Ship Bedroom.
posted by Fuzzy Monster (72 comments total)

Awesome.
posted by Fizz at 5:00 AM on March 3, 2011

Beautifully done. But I couldn't help but think of the kid in eight years time, when the prettiest girl in school wants to come round and do some 'homework', and his chances of copping off are doomed by the six-year-old fantasy bedroom.
posted by a little headband I put around my throat at 5:01 AM on March 3, 2011 [9 favorites]

Beautifully done. But I couldn't help but think of the kid in eight years time, when the prettiest girl in school wants to come round and do some 'homework', and his chances of copping off are doomed by the six-year-old fantasy bedroom.

This is what the people at Extreme Home Makeover also fail to see. That kid is going to hate that room in about 4 years and then what. Still...it is awesome.
posted by Fizz at 5:04 AM on March 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

I will never be happy with my bedroom, again.

also, "...this procedure needed to be repeated for the better part of a day to insure proper slide operation...." now there's a man who loves his job!
posted by squasha at 5:04 AM on March 3, 2011

Then again, if his parents are happy dropping (tens of?) thousands on this bedroom, he'll get age appropriate decor upgrades every couple of years.
posted by a little headband I put around my throat at 5:04 AM on March 3, 2011 [3 favorites]

Beautifully done. But I couldn't help but think of the kid in eight years time, when the prettiest girl in school wants to come round and do some 'homework', and his chances of copping off are doomed by the six-year-old fantasy bedroom.

If a teenage boy brought teenage me home to that awesome bedroom, he totally would have gotten to feel me up.
posted by bookish at 5:07 AM on March 3, 2011 [42 favorites]

The bed in the ship is where "important friends" get to sleep? As if you wouldn't be sleeping in there yourself every night! That bed on the floor is lame-o.
posted by Go Banana at 5:13 AM on March 3, 2011

If a teenage boy brought teenage me home to that awesome bedroom, he totally would have gotten to feel me up.

Heh. Maybe times have changed - my teen bedroom had a Star Wars mural done by the previous owners of the house and I used the first pay packet from my first summer job to redecorate it, based entirely on the reaction of a pretty girl (at 13, I still thought the mural was cool, if I'm honest).
posted by a little headband I put around my throat at 5:13 AM on March 3, 2011

I liked it. But I'm pretty sure that my fantasy pirate bedroom would, beside the ship, rope bridge and slide, also contain Keira Knightley.
posted by MuffinMan at 5:17 AM on March 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

If a teenage boy brought teenage me home to that awesome bedroom, he totally would have gotten to feel me up.

Ditto. Note to six year old: ten years from now, only date those who will appreciate your bedroom. If those sixteen year old girls and boys can't see why it's awesome, they're not worth your time.
posted by ocherdraco at 5:22 AM on March 3, 2011 [14 favorites]

Wow. I want that room. I want those guys to come and re-do my whole house. I'd love to see their plans for the race car, castle and the space ship. This is just awesome. What a great room.
posted by Kangaroo at 5:24 AM on March 3, 2011

I would love to play pirate and wench in that bedroom right now, frankly.
posted by PinkMoose at 5:25 AM on March 3, 2011 [5 favorites]

Right, as if parents who'd invest this kind of cash and energy on Junior's room are ever going to let him out of their hovering clutches long enough to get to second base.
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:26 AM on March 3, 2011 [9 favorites]

But I couldn't help but think of the kid in eight years time -

Don't worry about that. That bedroom must have cost tens of thousands of dollars to do. If this kids parents can spend that kind of cash on his bedroom, then you can be sure he will be driving a killer ride when he is a teenager.

His bedroom might be nerdy for a teen, but his father's bank-roll will help win the girls anyway.
posted by Flood at 5:26 AM on March 3, 2011 [4 favorites]

I'm just happy that there are plenty of ways for the little boy to get hurt in that room.

Perhaps I should clarify that, lest I be thought a cruel bastard: from looking at the room, the parents seem more concerned with letting their child have fun and explore than with filing down the sharp corners and bubble-wrapping the world around him.

They are doing it right.
posted by Brackish at 5:29 AM on March 3, 2011 [7 favorites]

I kinda wish I'd had the excuse, "I guess girls aren't interested because of my PIRATE BEDROOM," rather than, "I guess girls aren't interested because I AM HOPELESSLY AWKWARD"
posted by Greg Nog at 5:33 AM on March 3, 2011 [25 favorites]

Rrrrr!
posted by Capt. Renault at 5:41 AM on March 3, 2011

The internet is going to make is incredibly easy for my kids to construct ridiculously long lists of ways that I am an inadequate parent. "Not only did you not make us a pirate bedroom, we had to go up and down using STAIRS!"
posted by Pater Aletheias at 5:50 AM on March 3, 2011

The thing that blew my mind was the fact that the 6 year old had his own en-suite bathroom and walk in closet.

I don't even have that in my house. *sniff* I'll move on to coveting the pirate ship that I'd never get my creaking old bones folded into when I get over that bit first.
posted by Brockles at 5:54 AM on March 3, 2011

This is great, from a design and execution standpoint, and if I were that kid I'd be in heaven.

The people with the steampunk house are adults who made an adult decision about how to decorate their house, and are well aware of how it might or might not affect their resale value. This kid's parents are indulging their kid, and then they'll rip it out later. They are creating construction jobs, though, and helping the economy. On preview, yep, in a few years time it'll be car time.
posted by fixedgear at 5:55 AM on March 3, 2011

Veblen House. Even if I am insanely jealous of the slide.
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:55 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sadly their other projects are... not quite as whimsical.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:02 AM on March 3, 2011

The thing that blew my mind was the fact that the 6 year old had his own en-suite bathroom and walk in closet.

Yep. It's hard to see from the pictures, but I wouldn't be surprised if the bedroom and attached spaces are almost as big as my entire house.

On the one hand, I'll bet the kid enjoys it, and enjoys showing it off to his friends. On the other hand, there's something kind of distasteful to my hippy-influenced heart about handing the kid a turnkey perfect space, instead of handing him a workshop space, a pile of scrap lumber, and a hammer. This is space as display, not space for creating and experimenting, or adapting. And that's a little bit sad.

It's the difference between having a play date, and heading off with your friends knowing you need to be back by dinner.
posted by Forktine at 6:13 AM on March 3, 2011 [3 favorites]

I just want to note that many 6 year old girls also dream of a PIRATE BEDROOM. I know I probably would have exploded with joy if this were my room when I was 6. Or 15. Or 23...
posted by ChuraChura at 6:20 AM on March 3, 2011 [5 favorites]

Pfft. Whatever. I have a Ninja Bedroom. As a matter of fact, there are 5 Ninja Bedrooms in my bedroom right now and you can't even see them they are so good at blending.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:37 AM on March 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

Millionairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr's tax,please.
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:40 AM on March 3, 2011 [9 favorites]

I think I've been a parent too long. Yes, it's awesome and etc. (with the caveat that Forktine notes) but how the hell do you get in and out of it to clean, particularly after he's thrown up in there? 6 year olds vomit.
posted by mygothlaundry at 6:42 AM on March 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

but how the hell do you get in and out of it to clean, particularly after he's thrown up in there?

Anybody who can afford that bedroom has serfs to do lowly things like clean vomit.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:45 AM on March 3, 2011

I'm pretty sure these people have maids to deal with that.
posted by Vectorcon Systems at 6:45 AM on March 3, 2011

We constructed the crows nest using a ten inch hand-hewn timber for extra strength. Not seen here is a bed where important friends may get to sleep.

Screw the friends, I'm sleeping in the crows nest all the time.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:46 AM on March 3, 2011

Awesome, but like others, I am disappointed that it has a normal bed in it, too. Fuck that noise. You have a fucking pirate ship. The bed should be in there.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:50 AM on March 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

I thought that, as a grown adult in the current economy, I was doing pretty well for myself to have my own bathroom. Clearly, I was wrong.
posted by schmod at 6:53 AM on March 3, 2011 [4 favorites]

The internet is going to make is incredibly easy for my kids to construct ridiculously long lists of ways that I am an inadequate parent.

We didn't have the internet, and we had no trouble coming up with the list. I don't think it's the thing that will be driving the list-generation so much as an excellent source for the illustrations.
posted by nickmark at 6:54 AM on March 3, 2011

Needs the newgildedage tag.
posted by schmod at 6:54 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Funny, my first thought on the subject of the kid in that room as a teen was "man, if that kid's gay, he is gonna be fucking set up for some major playtime with his bicurious friends."

Then, I thought, "well, maybe that's an inappropriate thing to think."

Then, I further thought, "yeah, but there's a little jail cell. C'mon."

Ultimately, though, if you really want to send a kid down a path to an amazing, engaged life, all you need to give 'em is a little shed out back, maybe 8x8 feet, with a lock on the door and a well-stocked toolbox. They'll fill in the rest, and let you know when they've smashed their thumb with a hammer or built the most unbelievably cool thing ever.

Also, you need to send them to camp. Real camp, not that stupid day camp bullshit that helicopter parents seem to love these days. They need a week or more away from you, in a strange, wild place filled with people they've never met. I can't emphasize this strongly enough.
posted by sonascope at 7:03 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

If I had had that room when I was six, I'd totally still be sleeping there.

On the downside, though: come the revolution, this kid is screwed.
posted by steambadger at 7:25 AM on March 3, 2011 [3 favorites]

"Sport court"?
posted by everichon at 7:38 AM on March 3, 2011

When your kid's bedroom costs more to build than some people's yearly salary then you might want to have a thought or two about the multiple lessons you're passing on to your child. Sorry to be a downer, but obscene displays of wealth like this make me a bit queasy.
posted by helloknitty at 7:44 AM on March 3, 2011 [9 favorites]

Does this kid also have an unemployed guy running around in a spiderman outfit?
posted by orme at 7:46 AM on March 3, 2011

Man, that kid is going to hate it the second he has to move into the drudgeries of the college dorm. Maybe it's time to grow out of this, he'd think, rebelling against the room in his adolescence before coming to an uneasy acceptance junior and senior year of high school.

All those years of pretending to be on the high seas, all those potential stories, those few months when the room is transformed into something else, a few drapes here, a couple of boxes there and a little suspension of disbelief and bam, you've got a steampunk spaceship (Disneyland ain't the same for everyone); and the abstract reality of a ship protruding quietly into his room as he blows that weed smoke at it for the first time and wonders and wonders about who came up with the idea and maybe his parents do love him more than he thinks.

All of these things will inform his expectations of what comfortability and 'roominess' should be. So when he walks into his concrete jail for the first time and sees that he has to, goddamn, sleep with someone else, who might snore and smell terrible, who might leave a bag of rotting nectarines in his closet for the better part of a year, who accuses you of masturbation every time he finds the door locked, where will he find those supporting ruts for his elevated set of expectations?

Gymnastics, maybe. Imagine a fully dressed, acrobatic pirate bound across campus, yelling 'ARRRR' and flipping through the air with the ease available only to the dedicated and obsessed, who displays a mixture, through both costume and presence, of epiphanic release. Maybe then it will have been worth it, after all.
posted by dubusadus at 7:46 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

The kid will want to grow up to be Johnny Depp, but in reality will probably be Geoffrey Rush.
posted by bwg at 7:49 AM on March 3, 2011

I would settle for being Geoffrey Rush. *hideous, weary leer*
posted by adipocere at 8:00 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hehe, yeah he'll have to find a way to be self-deprecating about this room by the time he's a teenager, trying to make out with people.. tell them, "Arr, here's where the booty is kept!"
posted by ReeMonster at 8:01 AM on March 3, 2011

sonascope: I get what you're saying but don't think that sort of thing is limited to just the gay kids. All sorts can have magical adventures with their very own ensuite dungeon!
posted by jtron at 8:10 AM on March 3, 2011

Wow this makes the year I spent living in the garage seem not quite as cool.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:13 AM on March 3, 2011

Trickle down my foot.
posted by Daddy-O at 8:21 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

I agree, if you push a theme too hard you really limit its novelty. Better to keep a space flexible but still awesome, so it can grow with you. My dream house has secret passageways and hidden staircases and dumbwaiters and slides and fireman's poles and rooms filled with beanbag chairs. I would've loved this when I was six, and I'd still love it now. I'd probably stop loving it for a while when I was 15 or so, but I'd get over it whenever I got over myself and realized that Randall was right all along.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 8:32 AM on March 3, 2011

I would love to play pirate and wench in that bedroom right now, frankly.

Bonus points for working in"Arrr! Heave to and prepare to be boarded! I aim to plunder yer booty!"
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:41 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

We, um, painted clouds on my son's ceiling.

Crap. We are inadequate as parents.
posted by bondcliff at 8:51 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'd hate to get stuck halfway down that slide.
posted by gottabefunky at 8:54 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

I thought about showing this to my daughter. But then I realized she would probably want me to make her bedroom look just like the pictures. And she would probably expect it to done this weekend. I don't need that cloud hanging over me.
posted by Sailormom at 9:01 AM on March 3, 2011

I tried nt best to take this at face value - hey, pirates! cool! lucky kid! - but then I came to this from the designer:

"Our client wanted us to build a one-of-a-kind bedroom for a one-of-a-kind son. We concepted a space ship, race car, and castle before landing on this design. What self-respecting six year old wouldn't want a pirate ship?"

I could almost forgive that horseshit first line. (What, so the rest of us have bland dime-a-dozen assembly-line children? If your kid slumbers on Ikea wood, you clearly don't value his individuality?) Ahem. Yes. Almost forgive it. But "concept" as a verb? The kid's inherently innocent and I won't read too much into the parents' motives, they could be lovely plutocrats people in no way overcompensating for Type A workaholism (double ahem), but the designer should be made to spend several months at sea in rough bitter-cold gales with a mean case of dysentery for that one.
posted by gompa at 9:04 AM on March 3, 2011 [4 favorites]

tried my best, that is
posted by gompa at 9:05 AM on March 3, 2011

What self-respecting six year old wouldn't want a pirate ship rum, sodomy, and the lash?

posted by jtron at 9:32 AM on March 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

Yep. It's hard to see from the pictures, but I wouldn't be surprised if the bedroom and attached spaces are almost as big as my entire house.

There is no doubt that the bedroom alone is as big as my entire house. While I love the bedroom, I am happy with my little house with the pirate themed bathroom.
posted by SuzySmith at 9:40 AM on March 3, 2011

You have a fucking pirate ship. The bed should be in there.

I think you mean hammock.
posted by dry white toast at 9:54 AM on March 3, 2011

rum, sodomy, and the lash?

There's some mini-van commercial that uses The Pogues "If I should fall from grace with God", and it always seems an odd song to use behind such an otherwise normal soccer-mom ad.

"If I'm buried neath the sod
But no angel will retrieve me"
posted by nomisxid at 10:22 AM on March 3, 2011

My dream house has secret passageways and hidden staircases and dumbwaiters and slides and fireman's poles and rooms filled with beanbag chairs.

Last year, I met this super-rich couple who had just built a multi-million-dollar house out West. The lady of the house took me around to show off the (to die for) kitchen, and the huge airy living room and the many bedrooms yadda yadda. She was so proud of her decor and I was a little envious of the kitchen but not consumed with jealousy until she showed me the various secret passages built into the cabinetry - huge heavy sideboards and closet backs that were cleverly poised so that they moved at the touch of a finger to reveal hidden entrances. There was no point to them except to delight her teenagers. It was awesome.
posted by CunningLinguist at 10:33 AM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Does it bother anyone else that the wheel is facing the wrong way?
posted by Fleebnork at 10:47 AM on March 3, 2011

So joyless you all are. I'm a grown ass woman with a job and a mortgage and responsibilities. When I look at a killer fort setup like this... that looks like a pirate ship... and it's in a BEDROOM... this rocks. It's fun. Creative. Unique. Trying to evaluate the socioeconomic or psychological ramifications of this project is just so... Hipster. Boring. Whatever. I'm getting in the crows nest to take a nap. Wake me when the fun kids show up.
posted by madred at 11:23 AM on March 3, 2011

Were my union ever blessed with issue, and had my parents been thoughtful enough to endow me with a trust fund, I would kit my child's bedroom out like the inside of Carl Sagan's dandelion spaceship.
posted by everichon at 11:36 AM on March 3, 2011

Want!
posted by Lynsey at 11:50 AM on March 3, 2011

So the majority of this thread is

1) Poor kid'll never get to third base, also those grapes sure are sour
2) Fuck these people for doing something interesting with their money

I mean after you just saw a friggin PIRATE SHIP BEDROOM?? WITH A TWO STORY SPIRAL SLIDE?? Remind me to never show you haters my flying car that runs on discarded food wrappers and exhausts cotton candy.
posted by danny the boy at 12:11 PM on March 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

exhausts cotton candy

OH SO ALL THE KIDS CAN GET DIABETES YOU FUCKER
posted by shakespeherian at 12:23 PM on March 3, 2011 [4 favorites]

Not quite as spectacular as a pirate ship, but still neat... it's a secret room.
posted by Zack_Replica at 12:47 PM on March 3, 2011

So the majority of this thread is

1) Poor kid'll never get to third base, also those grapes sure are sour
2) Fuck these people for doing something interesting with their money

I mean after you just saw a friggin PIRATE SHIP BEDROOM?? WITH A TWO STORY SPIRAL SLIDE?? Remind me to never show you haters my flying car that runs on discarded food wrappers and exhausts cotton candy.

Naw, I was expecting much more of 1 and a shitload more of 2 from Metafilter. Was pleasantly surprised.

I mean this beats the hell out of designer nonsense or solid gold toilet seats of whatever the ultra rich spend their ill-gotten spondulicks on these days.
posted by Sebmojo at 1:16 PM on March 3, 2011

I'm not claustrophobic, but looking at that slide drawing makes me have a slight panic attack about getting stuck.
posted by yeti at 1:19 PM on March 3, 2011

When your kid's bedroom costs more to build than some people's yearly salary then you might want to have a thought or two about the multiple lessons you're passing on to your child. Sorry to be a downer, but obscene displays of wealth like this make me a bit queasy.

I'm betting a lot of the things you spend your money on could be considered obscene to those less fortunate than you.
posted by the_artificer at 2:05 PM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is totally awesome. Follow your dreams!
posted by sharks don't eat potatoes at 5:52 PM on March 3, 2011

"Other Projects" in the designer/builder's website has a few more images from what I assume is the same client's "sport court":

Everyone needs one of these. It's a golf room in the sport court under the garage. Play 18 holes in any number of insane courses around the world. The simulator uses the same technology that the Pentagon uses to track the trajectory of high-speed projectiles, and yet it still wasn't fast enough to track Dan's whit.

...


We built this climbing cave in part of a sport court for a client in Medina. The floor has custom made crash pads that are 24 inches thick.

posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 6:11 PM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

I've met kids at (a private liberal arts, while I was at same) college (and counted a bunch as friends) who were pampered like (maybe not *quite*) this lucky little bastard by rich, and perhaps at least a little creative, parents.

In retrospect, some were no worse off than any other 1st-yearer other than that they complained more about student housing and (had) nicer toys and cars. Some others were just completely useless and could barely feed themselves from the food service (Marriot) that everyone had to pay for. To be fair, some "came around" by 4th-year, but I couldn't see any of them changing a burnt-out lightbulb themselves much less re-hinging a door so the deadbolt lock doesn't stick. Or hell, cleaning the bathroom.

Those super-duper rich kids? Every single one of them, reasonably able-ed or otherwise, got very high paying jobs straight out of college (or did wunderlust after wunderlust and then got a high paying job doing not much - at the IMF). Not a one of the ones I knew are engineers or doctors or scientists (hah!).
posted by porpoise at 9:19 PM on March 3, 2011

Very cool
posted by Cuspidx at 7:01 PM on March 14, 2011