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brooding boyfriends in handicrafts
March 12, 2011 9:45 AM   Subscribe

20 Sad Etsy Boyfriends, mostly wearing crochet beanies. Even more examples of this phenomenon at the Sad Etsy Boyfriends Tumblr. Regretsy started it with the saddest Etsy hipster boyfriend of them all... still, he dances, with only a neck and one sleeve to keep him warm.

(I can't say I understand - all the men I've ever met who were wearing crochet beanies were probably high, and therefore usually pretty happy.)
posted by flex (78 comments total) 46 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is the hardest MeFi has ever made me laugh. Those poor guys.
posted by Forktine at 9:52 AM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


Now I want a sad boyfriend.
posted by Ochre,Hugh at 9:54 AM on March 12, 2011 [6 favorites]


From which star system do these "Sad Etsy Boyfriends" hail?
posted by dougrayrankin at 9:56 AM on March 12, 2011


I'd be the perfect sad boyfriend. I'm told I have a very dour countenance.
posted by Gin and Comics at 9:57 AM on March 12, 2011 [4 favorites]


Now I want a sad boyfriend.

Start knitting.
posted by Forktine at 9:57 AM on March 12, 2011 [72 favorites]


And with perfect timing, there is a new AskMe on this topic.
posted by Forktine at 10:00 AM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


Sadosaurus looks pretty happy to me. Like, he isn't loud about it--he's content to simply be the temporary vessel for the coolest hat in the world. He's aware that the hat will be sold, and go on to warm someone else's head with its radiant awesomeness, but for now that hat is making his head awesome and it's all about be aware of this present moment.

He's like a dinosaur themed crochet beanie hat Buddha.
posted by byanyothername at 10:05 AM on March 12, 2011 [17 favorites]


Damn that's rich
posted by From Bklyn at 10:26 AM on March 12, 2011


Ha! Awesome.
posted by veggieboy at 10:28 AM on March 12, 2011


Ah, does April Winchell make a living off Regretsy yet? Because, damn.
posted by mwhybark at 10:28 AM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


[adds "willing to look like an ass on a public access website for my sake" to list of qualities she wants in a man, not that she would make a man look like an ass, but she would love it if the willingness were there, hypothetically]

What you Americans call a beanie, I'd call a tuque. To me a beanie is a small, round cap that sits on top of the head, like so, not a wool cap that can be pulled down over the ears.
posted by orange swan at 10:37 AM on March 12, 2011 [9 favorites]


They don't look sad. Am I missing the point?
posted by josher71 at 10:37 AM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


Finally, a way to combine emo hate and hipster hate in one meme. I knew this day would come.
posted by Nixy at 10:38 AM on March 12, 2011 [5 favorites]


+1 for "tuque". Must be a Canadian thing.
posted by Quiplash at 10:41 AM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sad and attractive Etsy boyfriends. Sigh.





I knit hats. Good ones too.
posted by medeine at 10:43 AM on March 12, 2011 [5 favorites]


Some of these guys look like sad Etsy boyfriends. The others look like super-sketchy boyfriends with substance problems.
posted by dunkadunc at 10:45 AM on March 12, 2011 [5 favorites]


JHC, I've been knitting hats all winter! Where's my sad-ass boyfriend already?
posted by iamkimiam at 10:48 AM on March 12, 2011 [8 favorites]


+1 for "tuque". Must be a Canadian thing.

That's toque, eh.

And if you're boy's sad, but you don't want people to know, you might knit this.
posted by kneecapped at 10:58 AM on March 12, 2011 [5 favorites]


Awwwwwwww!
posted by Splunge at 11:02 AM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


Oh man, Regretsy is hilarious. I was vaguely aware that Etsy had become infested with this "assemble it yourself craftware" sourced from the far east, but I hadn't realised it had got this bad.
posted by pharm at 11:23 AM on March 12, 2011


After hearing people say very similar it's-not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be things about almost any site you can think of, I've begun to conclude that, a lot of the time, you get out of things what you put into them.
posted by box at 11:32 AM on March 12, 2011


voting +1 for stoned.
posted by mykescipark at 11:33 AM on March 12, 2011 [4 favorites]


Awwwwwwww!

Oh no, he ate a guinea pigosaurus and took its costume! NOOO! Via
posted by Namlit at 11:38 AM on March 12, 2011


He's like a dinosaur themed crochet beanie hat Buddha.

I spent most of my week listening to consultants in expensive suits earnestly read sentences like "Organizational Change Management Communication Plans must be justified in terms of Value-Add" off of PowerPoint slides.

Thank you for making me feel better.
posted by brennen at 11:43 AM on March 12, 2011


Somebody is starting this one young.

(but I think he's adorable)
posted by SLC Mom at 11:57 AM on March 12, 2011


I think my favorite has to be the beard beanie, because why would you even make such a thing?
posted by spitefulcrow at 11:58 AM on March 12, 2011


I want slarves to catch on. Not because I actually want to wear one (I mean, yes but maybe but no), but because I want to use the word "slarf" more often than never.

SLARF
posted by 23skidoo at 12:13 PM on March 12, 2011 [3 favorites]


I think my favorite has to be the beard beanie, because why would you even make such a thing?

Also because it has the power to magically transform the wearer into Paul Giamatti!
posted by scody at 12:25 PM on March 12, 2011


Stuff Sad People LikeTM
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:37 PM on March 12, 2011


SLARF

You're really sceeving me out.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:38 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


Did your girlfriend just get in a car wreck or are your earlobes just cold?

(c) Or are you just Garret Dillahunt
posted by Beardman at 12:44 PM on March 12, 2011


He's aware that the hat will be sold, and go on to warm someone else's head with its radiant awesomeness

Yeah, not until it's thoroughly disinfected, thanks. No offense to these fine fellows, but ew.
posted by FelliniBlank at 1:04 PM on March 12, 2011


That's nothing. Here's a couple hundred more sad guys modeling stuff.

I ordered some stuff from Urban Outfitters some time ago and I still get their catalog. I'm not sure why, but their aesthetic doesn't allow for smiles. Sometimes smirks, but never smiles.
posted by P.o.B. at 1:06 PM on March 12, 2011


Haha. Dinosaur hat dude is totally not sad. More resigned that the hat's gonna get sold, like byanyothername wrote.

I'm definitely not a hat guy, but I would totally wear that dinosaur hat!
posted by porpoise at 1:25 PM on March 12, 2011


What's the message these pictures are sending? If you are passive aggressive and you want to wipe the smile off your sweetie's face, buy him this hat...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 1:41 PM on March 12, 2011


lol, neckbeards.
posted by 0xdeadc0de at 1:52 PM on March 12, 2011


All these guys are here in Austin this week for SXSW. I swear I saw them all downtown yesterday.

Sitting in a coffeehouse with public wifi, trying so hard not to fall on the floor with tears of laughter spurting from my eyes.
posted by xenophile at 1:59 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'd be the perfect sad boyfriend. I'm told I have a very dour countenance.

But are you sad for the right reasons? It can't be because of some personal tragedy, like a friend with cancer - it has to be because of something you read on Boing Boing, like not being able to get a particular kind of Polaroid film, or DRMd papercraft.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:23 PM on March 12, 2011 [15 favorites]


+1 for "tuque". Must be a Canadian thing.

That's toque, eh.

I always called them this too, though I never looked up the spelling, The source of this northern wisdom in a Florida boy was watching Strange Brew when the hosers were still cool.
Now that was a short window of time!
posted by Redhush at 3:19 PM on March 12, 2011


I would have called those toques, or just hats, too. They certainly aren't beanies.

Yeah, not until it's thoroughly disinfected, thanks. No offense to these fine fellows, but ew.

Monk? Is that you?
posted by DU at 4:17 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


When I moved to Canada from the US I didn't get "toque" at all. I had never heard anybody call a hat that before. It's my favorite Cannuckism, after "line-up."
posted by LiliaNic at 4:34 PM on March 12, 2011


Yeah, not until it's thoroughly disinfected, thanks. No offense to these fine fellows, but ew.

Do you ever buy clothes from stores? Were you aware that most of them allow other people to try clothes on before they sell them to you? And they don't disinfect them every time they remove them from a dressing room...

I've seen plenty of people on the etsy forums saying they were skeeved out by photos of earrings on models because they didn't want the earrings they bought to have ever been worn by anyone else. Given the nature of a piercing, I can somewhat see this point - though generally disinfection is pretty easy for earrings, so I don't worry about it. But for garments other than undergarments, I don't really get the concern.

I like this one - the look on his face is something like "You had better not tag me in these photos when you post them online."
posted by polymath at 4:37 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


blah blah blah FIXIES blah blah blah PABST blah blah blah IRONY blah blah blah IPHONE

I don't know what is more tiresome: actual hipsters or the obligatory opening paragraph describing hipsters.

That said, I like this post. I loled.
posted by munchingzombie at 4:59 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


This post is not about hipsters. The hipster is an example within the larger sad-boyfriend category.
posted by enn at 5:02 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


They're not as sad as they are sorry.
posted by Sailormom at 5:15 PM on March 12, 2011


The looks on their faces remind me of the sad, stoic little dogs you see wearing sweaters.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:16 PM on March 12, 2011 [8 favorites]


Do you ever buy clothes from stores? Were you aware that most of them allow other people to try clothes on before they sell them to you? And they don't disinfect them every time they remove them from a dressing room...

Do you ever participate in jokey MetaFilter threads? Were you aware that pretty much every comment in this thread is comedic or tongue-in-cheek?

[touching a few parking meters just to be safe]
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:36 PM on March 12, 2011


The looks on their faces remind me of the sad, stoic little dogs you see wearing sweaters.

MY DOG LOVES HIS SWEATER AND I WILL BROOK NO DISAGREEMENT. I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!
posted by scody at 5:37 PM on March 12, 2011 [10 favorites]


This is why I wear baseball caps. (and why I'm glad pips dosen't have crafty delusions like these young hipster chicks).
posted by jonmc at 5:39 PM on March 12, 2011


Though I would pay cash money to see you wearing a knitted beard, jon.
posted by scody at 5:41 PM on March 12, 2011


My beard knits itself, lady?

how much?
posted by jonmc at 5:42 PM on March 12, 2011


TWO DOLLARS
posted by scody at 5:58 PM on March 12, 2011


For any of you beanie-knitters in need of a model, I am
1.) single
2.) sad (see 1.)

I'm sure some mutually-agreeable arrangement can be reached.
Also, that dinosaur hat is amazing and if your knitting is of that caliber then you will have no difficulty securing a boyfriend, but may have difficulty keeping him suitably sad.
posted by NMcCoy at 6:05 PM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm sincerely curious...are hipsters a fad here to stay, or will it peter out when these folks hit 30 and start having kids? Will it trickle down to younger folks, or...? Will all the owls, cowls and moustache stuff go into the garbage? Crafts really only operate on 10 year trends, so I dunno...I really don't understand the whole hipster thing too, try as I might! The closest I could come to understanding was an article that said they were the new counter culture. At the same time, I don't understand that definition :-D Goths, punks, furries, cosplayers, Juggalos...I get what they're about, but hipsters continue to mystify me.
posted by Calzephyr at 6:07 PM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


"Owls, Cowls, and Mustaches". Just marveling at the adeptness of that phrase, which will come to mind now every time I see anyone remotely young and hip. I tip my non-knitted, non-steampunk hat to you, Calzephyr.
posted by emjaybee at 6:17 PM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


Aw thanks emjaybee!

I used to work at Lewiscraft (a Canadian chain, no longer around), The Quilted Bear (crafter marketplace, went bankrupt) back in the 90s and have seen many a handmade trend come and go. It is a great time for handmade items, but I feel like it's a bubble that's going to burst eventually. Today's owls, cowls and mustaches could just be yesterday's tole painting, beeswax candles and decoupage swans. Of course, I could be totally wrong about that :-)
posted by Calzephyr at 6:29 PM on March 12, 2011


I think the guy in the scarf/sleeve thing is mainly sad because he is trying to work out WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIS TROUSERS?

Purple longjohns do not count as trousers.

This is perhaps deliberate, in order to stop people from wondering why, if it is cold enough to merit a scarf, one arm needs to be warmer than the other arm, but this seems to me a bit thin.

WHAT *HAS* HAPPENED TO HIS TROUSERS?
posted by motty at 6:33 PM on March 12, 2011 [5 favorites]


I'm sincerely curious...are hipsters a fad here to stay, or will it peter out when these folks hit 30 and start having kids? Will it trickle down to younger folks, or...? Will all the owls, cowls and moustache stuff go into the garbage?

You know when you walk into an old lady's house and you're like, wow, look at all this crap, who ever liked this stuff? I think it'll be like that. Our grandkids will marvel at the wonder of all the ugly.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:33 PM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm sincerely curious...are hipsters a fad here to stay, or will it peter out when these folks hit 30 and start having kids?

Kids have been on lawns since before lawns existed and will continue to be on lawns when we all live as vibrations of pure energy inside a universal crystal.
posted by DU at 6:36 PM on March 12, 2011 [9 favorites]


Dolls made from... hair

*shudders*

(found via RegrEtsy)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 6:43 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


Are these the sorts of couples who grow up to become Unhappy Hipsters?
posted by acb at 6:55 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]



Kids have been on lawns since before lawns existed and will continue to be on lawns when we all live as vibrations of pure energy inside a universal crystal.


I love it, but I didn't mean to come across that way :-D ThePinkSuperhero...yup, that's probably it :-)
posted by Calzephyr at 6:59 PM on March 12, 2011


You know, I'm still not sure what the hell a hipster IS, other than "person who wears total nerd glasses, but now it's considered cool." As a nerd with glasses, it makes me go "um, HOW is this possible?" 'Cause I'm still not cool.

I don't know if April Winchell makes a full on living from Regretsy, but so far it seems to be working out better than voiceovers and radio. I'm glad she found something that caught on.

Hm, the guys who wore MY knitted hats at least would smile for the picture.... but they weren't boyfriends. I guess there's a distinction.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:15 PM on March 12, 2011


Please, all, continue posting hilarious items from Regretsy!
posted by nonmerci at 7:15 PM on March 12, 2011


The correct spelling of the Canadian word for these knitted hats is in fact "tuque". A toque is a different kind of hat, and a common misspelling of "tuque". They are also pronounced differently. "toque" is pronounced like "toke".

However, "tuque" is so commonly misspelled as "toque" that it's usually accepted as an alternate spelling now. It looks downright awkward to me though, since "toque" doesn't look like it should be pronounced the same as "tuque".
posted by Stove at 7:33 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


You know, I'm still not sure what the hell a hipster IS, other than "person who wears total nerd glasses, but now it's considered cool."

Hipster is just a broad term to describe a 20-30 something culture of people with an indie streak that wear certain trendy clothes and listen to certain trendy music. Hipster stereotypes include but are not limited to: It's a really broad stereotype and I don't think most of the people whom you could classify as "hipster" are trying to be hipster, but are just wearing clothes they like and doing things they like (maybe I'm wrong?)

One time I was wondering to myself if I could be classified as a hipster, and then I appreciated the irony of this as I was thinking about it while walking out of a graphic design class wearing skinny jeans, a Threadless tee, an American Apparel hoodie, and a 7' long scarf I'd knitted myself. I don't know if I'm a hipster or not but if someone called me one I'd probably just shrug at them. Labels don't define who you are, and all of the "lol hipster" stuff I see kind of confuses me. Who cares?
posted by girih knot at 8:39 PM on March 12, 2011 [3 favorites]


Anyone who can wear a horrifying sleeve/scarf/sadness combination like that guy and still seem moderately attractive is... well, something.
posted by NoraReed at 9:51 PM on March 12, 2011


Who cares?

Wow, you've got jaded hipster totally nailed.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 10:38 PM on March 12, 2011 [3 favorites]


Hipsters on bikes, you say?
posted by Devonian at 5:01 AM on March 13, 2011


The meaning of "hipster" has been so bloated and distorted that it might as well just mean a young middle class person whose manner of dress and aesthetics suggests bohemianism and an interest in so-called indie rock. Hipsters reject certain middle class values. The biggest charge against hipsters is that they don't have "real jobs." This is because hipsters choose to define themselves in other ways, such as through art projects, blogging, foodie-ism, etc.

Hipsterism is tricky because some aspects of so-called hipsters are great and some aspects are annoying. Hipsters get their own pejorative term because there's something unseemly about their rejection of the career-first, family-first values that many of their parents had. To many, hipsterism looks like extended adolescence.

Where this becomes unfair is in that hipsters tend to be either well-educated or on track to be well-educated, and as such they're frequently living as students, on student budgets, with careers that won't launch until they are in their 30s. They do not have career-track jobs and they do not have a great amount of savings for a huge portion of their adult lives.

Status objects and fashions within hipsterism depend on a different sort of capital than their older or better-monied or more family-focussed peers. It's almost all social capital, in a sense. You do not need to have any money at all to be tuned into the latest trend. Teenagers often define themselves by their taste alone; the perception is that hipsters do this same thing, albeit at a much older age. Wearing a thick beard and a Doctor Who scarf is unprofessional at many jobs, so to dress in that fashion is to mark yourself as someone who has no expectation of working in such a place. Ditto for the Fixie Pixie or Sexy Librarian look that female hipsters often wear. Tricking out a bike is a rejection of a muscular BMW 3-series. Hipsters don't have and don't seem to want summer homes in Vermont or hot stock tips or McMansions - items that, in theory, anyone could buy, provided they had enough money. Instead, hipsters seem to be snobs over "nothing special." Hipsters also seem to regard society in general with a jaundiced eye - another seemingly adolescent trait, and one that adds to the idea that hipsters are undeservingly snobby people, educated, bookish people with blue collar wages and liberal values.

I'm not necessarily defending hipsterism, but I do think much of the revulsion around them does come from how their behavior is a subtle, often unintentional "fuck you" to some predominant values.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:28 PM on March 13, 2011 [10 favorites]


I'm sincerely curious...are hipsters a fad here to stay, or will it peter out when these folks hit 30 and start having kids?

The existence of Park Slope suggests that they will continue, more or less, to be hipsters, depending on where you stand on the blurry line between hipster and yuppie.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:29 PM on March 13, 2011


I'm not sure that, if given the choice between talking about hipsters and nice guy syndrome, we made the right choice.
posted by tehloki at 8:07 PM on March 13, 2011


Unless I'm completely misreading what you mean by "nice guy" syndrome, these guys don't suffer from it. They have girlfriends. "Nice guys" don't get laid. These guys do. While wearing tuques.
posted by Sticherbeast at 5:37 AM on March 14, 2011


I think the guy in the scarf/sleeve thing is mainly sad because he is trying to work out WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIS TROUSERS?

Purple longjohns do not count as trousers.


I'd say it probably played out thisaway:

Etsy vendor: I'll sleep with you if you model my slarf for my Etsy shop.

Etsy vendor's boyfriend: Yeee haw! It's a deal!

[Etsy vendor leaves room to get camera and slarf. Boyfriend starts to strip.]

Etsy vendor: All right, put this on!

Boyfriend: But I thought we were going to —

Etsy vendor: Pic first!

Boyfriend: But I've already taken my pants off!

Etsy vendor: Pic first!

Boyfriend: Okay, fine, let's just get on with it then. [Puts on slarf.]

[Camera flashes.]

Etsy vendor: Now do a little dance.

Boyfriend: That was NOT part of the deal.

Etsy vendor: I'll swallow.

[Boyfriend dances.]
posted by orange swan at 8:02 AM on March 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


I've always taken "Hipster" to mean "style over substance that you can never acknowledge."
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:20 AM on March 14, 2011


Sad girls, if you feel left out, just pick up any issue of Urban Outfitters catalog. Those frowns could reverse a thousand wooden ships being pulled by a small lost boy with a crown.
posted by dracomarca at 6:53 AM on March 18, 2011


Sad Etsy boyfriend is wearing the Space Shuttle on his head.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:06 PM on March 18, 2011


Spacewalk Bunny is totally awesome.
posted by Forktine at 1:03 PM on March 18, 2011


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