The Old Negro Space Program

March 16, 2011 6:51 PM

"Word spread quickly. By the summer of 1960, NASA had over 240 blackstronauts. White NASA was beginning to take notice". The Old Negro Space Program (yt)
posted by dunkadunc (66 comments total)

This is the best Ken Burns parody ever, but it must be here somewhere, eh? Ah, yes.
posted by maxwelton at 6:54 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Goddamnit.
posted by dunkadunc at 7:00 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I would like to see The National Parks: America's Greatest Menace
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:04 PM on March 16, 2011

short but sweet.
posted by clavdivs at 7:06 PM on March 16, 2011

in before....
posted by Senator at 7:15 PM on March 16, 2011

Well, I hand't seen it. This is great.
posted by jpdoane at 7:17 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

FWIW,
I've been reading a lot of books about the early years of the space program, written astronauts and flight directors. President Kennedy was pushing for one of the early astronauts to be black, but there were none qualified, despite bending of the curve for one particular pilot, who's name escapes me.

Robert Henry Lawrence Jr was selected to become a member of Air Force's Manned Orbital Laboratory in 1967, becoming the first official black astronaut, but was killed in an accident, so he never flew.

The astronauts have zero respect for Kennedy's initial push but keen about Lawrence came on board.

This factual piece of information was brought to you in lieu of a rant about this post.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:17 PM on March 16, 2011 [9 favorites]

I once rode an elevator with Ken Burns (really). He got off 4 floors before me, luckily, otherwise we all would've turned sepia.
posted by jonmc at 7:18 PM on March 16, 2011 [17 favorites]

I know I'm biased and all that, but I think 2005 is long ago enough.
posted by dunkadunc at 7:19 PM on March 16, 2011

Did you take the time to write a heartfelt letter to your wife back home?
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:19 PM on March 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

What is The Old Negro Space Program?

It’s a short film I made in 2003. I had the title first. It made me laugh. Then I made the movie, slowly. I figured if it sucked I wouldn’t show it to anyone. It did not suck, so here it is.

This was shown at the HBO Comedy Festival in 2004 (back when it was the Aspen Comedy Festival). And even before that, it helped me get my first tv writing job on Malcolm in the Middle.

-- Andy Bobrow
posted by filthy light thief at 7:20 PM on March 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Blackstronaut? Blastronaut!
posted by loquacious at 7:29 PM on March 16, 2011

I've never seen it, dunkadunc. Thanks.
posted by loquacious at 7:30 PM on March 16, 2011

And not to be ambiguous, blastronaut sounds cooler. I wasn't making a joke about Robert Henry Lawrence Jr.
posted by loquacious at 7:31 PM on March 16, 2011

Man, this post is sending me off the walls. The humor is completely lost on me, having read all those space history books. There are no rag tag teams of astronauts people, it's impossible due to the intense coordination and knowledge needed to send people into space.

WAKE UP SHEEPLE, this video is using your funny bone to blind you to science!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:35 PM on March 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

"God Damn, space is one cold motherfucker."
posted by drezdn at 7:38 PM on March 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

The text of the little "Negroes Land on the Moon" article is just depressing.
posted by drezdn at 7:41 PM on March 16, 2011

You people are acting like this is a joke.
This is some serious history shit motherfuckers.
Where the hell was this during Black History Month?!?
posted by artof.mulata at 7:48 PM on March 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

In order to keep this post Capital 'C' 'conscious,' I propose that every post in this thread use the word 'motherfucker.' As in 'keep it real REAL motherfuckers.'
posted by artof.mulata at 7:52 PM on March 16, 2011

who you calling a motherfucker!
posted by clavdivs at 7:55 PM on March 16, 2011

I was gonna say, this had to have been posted before. But this thing is hilarious, I am happy to see it again. They really nail the Ken Burns schtick.
posted by marxchivist at 7:55 PM on March 16, 2011

This is NOT funny. I hope you all have to spend a week in a Command Module with Frank Borman.

posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:56 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Negroes Land on Moon

Talk about getting lost! Wallace Jefferson and Louis Hayes, both negroes, have wandered all the way to the moon!

The hapless pair entered lunar orbit late yesterday afternoon and finally landed on the surface of the moon several hours later. They plan to return later this week.

The incident is not a total tragedy. “We may want to talk with these negroes,” said NASA mission commander Deke Slayton. “Their mishap may just help us in our goal to land a man on the moon by the end of the decade.”
posted by ianhattwick at 7:56 PM on March 16, 2011 [9 favorites]

The rockets on the back of a school bus? Good stuff.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:59 PM on March 16, 2011

That motherfucker Dr. Fingeroot taught me everything I know about Black History.
posted by artof.mulata at 8:03 PM on March 16, 2011

Like this bus?
posted by dunkadunc at 8:03 PM on March 16, 2011

That was hilarious. Or if I may, fucking funny.
posted by digsrus at 8:04 PM on March 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

or, if you will, a frickin' grin.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 8:16 PM on March 16, 2011

OMG, that historian really gets me every time...
posted by schyler523 at 8:22 PM on March 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

September 31st?
posted by Rarebit Fiend at 8:34 PM on March 16, 2011

Thanks for this. And for the link, Brandon Blatcher, which led to this:

For urine collection, the Apollo command and service module was equipped with a hose that led, through a valve, to outer space. After the condom-like attachment on the end of the hose was rolled on, the astronauts had to time the opening of the valve just so. * * * When the device was properly used, the urine would be sucked into space, and freeze instantly into iridescent drops of ice. When asked "What's the most beautiful sight you saw in space?" one astronaut answered, "Urine dump at sunset."
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:36 PM on March 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Strom Thurmond Wins the 48' election and...
posted by The Whelk at 8:54 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

OMG, that historian really gets me every time...

The historian is played by the writer and director.

This really is a sharp piece of satire of the Burns schtick and a pointed social commentary. I watched it about seventy times in a row in 2004 (I bought one of the cafe press T-shirts featuring the rocket bus) and watched it again just last night, actually.

"In 1959 if you were black, and you were an astronaut, you were out of work."
posted by maxwelton at 9:05 PM on March 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

every time, or instance, if I may.
posted by leotrotsky at 9:10 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

It reminds me of a story that impressed me as a very young child in the 60s. They were interviewing this African American actor on television. He had gotten the lead role as the captain of a space ship in this movie. It was just some B-level cheesy pre-Kubric 2001 science fiction movie (Kubric's 2001 changed the industry). Nevertheless it was apparently quite remarkable at the time that this actor got the role, so they asked him how it happened.

"They seemed to really like me when I read for the role. But then I never heard back from them. I called them back and they said 'sorry, but the script doesn't call for an African American.'"

"Apparently word of this got back to the director. He marched into the casting director's office and asked for the script, then he marched out of her office. An hour later he came back and through the script down on her desk. Everywhere the captain was mentioned it was crossed out and 'African Captain' was hand written in.

So I got the job."
posted by eye of newt at 9:34 PM on March 16, 2011 [19 favorites]

(Also on AskMe)
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 9:35 PM on March 16, 2011

s/through/threw/
posted by eye of newt at 9:36 PM on March 16, 2011

BB: "There are no rag tag teams of astronauts people, it's impossible due to the intense coordination and knowledge needed to send people into space."

It's genius that you are critiquing this on the basis of it being poorly constructed SF.
posted by mwhybark at 9:41 PM on March 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

... and let me be clear, I am expressing actual appreciation here.
posted by mwhybark at 9:41 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I watched it about seventy times in a row in 2004

Seconded. One of my all-time favorite web videos.
posted by dhammond at 10:11 PM on March 16, 2011

Urine dump at sunset.

(I presume the colored urine dump was kept tastefully out of view.)
posted by perspicio at 10:16 PM on March 16, 2011

But there were casualties. With their cloth space suits, and their makeshift rockets, blackstronauts faced far greater hardships than their white counterparts

Haha. That is comedy gold. I'd say more but I gotta go, it's cold as fuck up here.
posted by zephyr_words at 10:31 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

The part of that video that always makes me laugh is Peter "Stinky Pete" Carver on fire flying into the tree.....and how they casually put him out and he was ready for launch the next morning
posted by dibblda at 10:46 PM on March 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Space is one cold motherfucker" is on my business card. It is the only thing on my business card besides my name and "Will never, ever learn to drive a stick shift."
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 2:05 AM on March 17, 2011

Wikipedia has a helpful list of African-American astronauts.

For example, Guion Bluford - the first African-American in space - who said "the important thing is not that I am black, but that I did a good job as a scientist and an astronaut".

It's a pretty boring quote. But most astronauts have been pretty boring people, regardless of the color of their skin.
posted by twoleftfeet at 2:06 AM on March 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I should add I was very tangentially involved with Ken Burns as a designer and so I got to see "the real thing" endlessly for awhile. This short film was HUGE among those with similar roles back in the day. I guess KB saw the parody himself and quite liked it, from what I understand.
posted by maxwelton at 3:15 AM on March 17, 2011

Whitey on the moon
posted by goat at 4:01 AM on March 17, 2011

There's so much great subtle photoshopping in there. The subtler the joke, the better. Some things I didn't even pick up on the first time around.
posted by yeti at 5:51 AM on March 17, 2011

But most astronauts have been pretty boring people, regardless of the color of their skin.

I disagree! Mae Jemison was on Star Trek!
posted by Greg Nog at 6:20 AM on March 17, 2011

The subtler the joke, the better

Maybe so, maybe so, but it's the still at 5:55 that kills me.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:30 AM on March 17, 2011

NASSA, The Old Negro Space Program has the dubious honor of being the first video I downloaded from the net and embedded on my blog. This was maybe 2004-5 and certainly before YouTube.

I had long forgotten this video when the kids asked something about NASA and off I went looking for old Stinky Pete. Am happy to report that THING1&2 heartily approve of it --and they have no idea who Ken Burns is. But the script and shtick are so hilarious, you dont have to know who Ken Burns is to get the joke.

This is my all time favorite video meme. I've never seen anything comparable grace our internets :)
posted by liza at 6:40 AM on March 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is fantastic, or, great, if I may. I thoroughly enjoyed it, or, found it quite humourous, if you will.
posted by arcticwoman at 7:16 AM on March 17, 2011

I made this Photoshop in 2005.
posted by planetkyoto at 7:29 AM on March 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

For example, Guion Bluford - the first African-American in space - who said "the important thing is not that I am black, but that I did a good job as a scientist and an astronaut".

Totally. President Kennedy's desire to have have a black astronaut, no matter if he was qualified was met with scorn by astronauts and administrators. Yet they sounded quite excited and somewhat giddy about getting Robert Lawerence because he was quite qualified. There were some mentions of female astronauts during those early days and that idea was met with scorn and confusion, like "OMG, women flying things!" Talk about a different time back then...
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:33 AM on March 17, 2011

I made this Photoshop in 2005.

Ha! While Neil Armstrong was qualified and respected, he got to be the first man on the moon through a good bit of luck and chance. Had Gus Grissom not been killed in Apollo 1, he would have been the first. Had Al Shepard he would have had a good chance too. Supposedly Frank Borman and Jim McDivitt, commanders of Apollo 8 and 9 respectively, were offered the chance, but turned it down.

Finally, Armstrong and his crew were the back crew to Apollo 9 and the way crew assignments worked, the backup crew rotated to prime crew 3 missions later, which for Apollo 9 would be Apollo 12.

But.

Apollo 8 was supposed to be low earth orbit test of the Command and Lunar Module with Apollo 9 a deep space or lunar test of same. But the lunar module was having massive problems and wasn't going to be ready for the Apollo 8 launch date, so NASA swapped Apollo 8 crew, which was training to use the lunar module, with the Apollo 9 crew. In the process, they also swapped the backup crews, so Armstrong & Co were now backing up Apollo 8, not 9 and thus placed in the prime spot to be first on the moon, assuming Apollo 9 and 10 went well, which they did.

Armstrong himself wouldn't have minded going on a later crew though, as it wouldn't be as much publicity and he'd have more time on the lunar surface. But you don't exactly say no to being first on the moon.

Also, Michael Collins, the dude that orbited the moon while Armstrong and that other guy were making history? He was offered the chance to get back in the rotation, which would have enabled him to walk on the moon in Apollo 17. He turned it down, citing how the intense training was taking time from his wife and family and another 2 or 3 years of that would be extremely harmful. He's still married

God this post is making me MetaItchy. MUST DEFEAT IT WITH RAW, BORING FACTS.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:56 AM on March 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

(I presume the colored urine dump was kept tastefully out of view.)

Actually, perspicio, if the urine crystallizes small enough it would be white (not to be racist about urine sizes). If the particles are small enough, light scatters off their surface, which dominates the reflected light output, obscuring the normal "absorb & reemit" process which causes the color of most objects. (Just above this size limit, a slightly different mechanism takes hold that only works for higher energy light, which is why "light" smoke from a cigarette tip is white, but exhaled, wet (and therefore heavier) smoke is blueish, when backlit.)
posted by IAmBroom at 8:24 AM on March 17, 2011

I have been looking for this for literally years. THANK YOU!

(am black, have worked for NASA...)
posted by djrock3k at 8:26 AM on March 17, 2011 [4 favorites]

To echo maxwelton above - I showed this to the rest of the crew producing a doc on the Tuskegee Airmen several years ago, greatly enjoyed. Hit very close to home.
posted by zoinks at 9:21 AM on March 17, 2011

Totally. President Kennedy's desire to have have a black astronaut, no matter if he was qualified was met with scorn by astronauts and administrators. Yet they sounded quite excited and somewhat giddy about getting Robert Lawerence because he was quite qualified. There were some mentions of female astronauts during those early days and that idea was met with scorn and confusion, like "OMG, women flying things!" Talk about a different time back then...

And yet Valentina Tereshkova was already in space in 1963.
posted by nasreddin at 11:36 AM on March 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

40 rockets and a CAPCOM, we were promised!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:38 AM on March 17, 2011

And yet Valentina Tereshkova was already in space in 1963.

Eh, she wasn't a test pilot, so the original astronauts were scornful of anyone who lacked that attribute. It was widely understood that the Russian were just doing shit to show off, score propaganda points, as opposed to actually getting serious and capable at that point. After all Valentina was the only woman in space for 20 years or so, though Russia did have a group of female cosmonauts in 1962.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:47 AM on March 17, 2011

Eh, she wasn't a test pilot, so the original astronauts were scornful of anyone who lacked that attribute. It was widely understood that the Russian were just doing shit to show off, score propaganda points, as opposed to actually getting serious and capable at that point. After all Valentina was the only woman in space for 20 years or so, though Russia did have a group of female cosmonauts in 1962.

Yeah, just like it's "widely understood" among Mets fans that the Yankees suck.

Besides, what the fuck did the moon landing accomplish besides showing off and scoring propaganda points?
posted by nasreddin at 12:02 PM on March 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

They lost me at Nassa. Uncomfortable. I'll take John Hodgman's Hobo Matters.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:09 PM on March 17, 2011

Yeah, just like it's "widely understood" among Mets fans that the Yankees suck.

Touche, ok it was widely thought in the American space program that the Russians were more interested in scoring points than accomplishing feats.

Besides, what the fuck did the moon landing accomplish besides showing off and scoring propaganda points?

Developed a lot technologies, did some science.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:25 PM on March 17, 2011

Buffalo Butt!

(I will never, ever tire of this video. Total classic.)
posted by tristeza at 3:39 PM on March 17, 2011

Oh man. "Blackstronaut" is totally going to be the name of my new electro-funk band.
posted by schmod at 7:57 AM on March 18, 2011