Join 3,442 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Were they Above The Law or Out For Justice?
March 24, 2011 6:12 PM   Subscribe

Controversial Sheriff Joe Arpaio and movie/TV star Steven Seagal raided a suspected cockfighter's house with a tank and several other armored vehicles. No comment yet from Outlaw Vern, who literally wrote the book of Steven Seagal. He has been covering Seagal's show Lawman on his site. Previous post on Joe Arpaio.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn (139 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
Why this fascist turd isn't in already in a federal prison is still beyond me. What happened to the federal investigation?
posted by leotrotsky at 6:15 PM on March 24, 2011 [29 favorites]


He'll also be hosting an evening with Joe the Plumber and Crazy Joe Miller.
posted by drezdn at 6:17 PM on March 24, 2011


Sheriff Joe's Tank
posted by birdherder at 6:17 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


What the fuck? I don't even.
posted by jaduncan at 6:17 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Vern's reviews go into a few of the disturbing racial issues in the Lawman episodes.
I never got why things like cockfighting and dogfighting were taken so seriously (i'm not a pet person) but this is obviously way beyond the norm.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:19 PM on March 24, 2011


I...gah. I could not imagine a way that one could parody this.
posted by jaduncan at 6:19 PM on March 24, 2011


fascist turd

aka shitler
posted by DU at 6:20 PM on March 24, 2011 [65 favorites]


Oh, will no one think of the chickens???
posted by Redhush at 6:21 PM on March 24, 2011


Okay, in a fight of crazy places, who would win? Arizona, Alaska, Texas, Florida, and to keep our Canadian friends playing, we'll add Alberta. Bonus points for creativity. Go!
posted by Mister Fabulous at 6:25 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


ironically enough Arpaio sounds like he could be the villain in any number of 80s action TV shows (Knight Rider, A-Team, McGyver) or movies (usually the 2nd or third in the series). He's almost TOO perfect.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:25 PM on March 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


How the mighty have fallen.

Under Siege was rad.
posted by straight_razor at 6:26 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


“We're going to err on the side of caution. We're going to make sure that we have the appropriate amount of force in case we do run into anything like that,” said Sgt. Jesse Spurgin.

"Sir, we're gonna need some back up."
"What? It's only one man?!?"
"No, sir. He has chickens."
"..."
"Sir-"
"How many chickens?"
"A lot. We're not sure how many."
"Ok, we're using the tank."
"...I'll, I'll get the access codes..."
"And Lieutenant? If I don't come back - make sure my family is safe, ok? Just get them beyond the state lines if you have to, I don't want... I don't want them to get caught up in this."
"Sir."

A team of police. One man insane with power. And cages of chickens.

This Summer, you're going to want to call Homeland Security, because the birds have flown the coop.

Operation: Coming Home to Roost

Coming to a theater near you.
posted by yeloson at 6:26 PM on March 24, 2011 [36 favorites]


When Michelle Bachman becomes president, both of these guys are going to have prominent roles in law enforcement. Watch, and pray.
posted by klanawa at 6:27 PM on March 24, 2011 [11 favorites]


as somebody who learned about chickens from playing too much Zelda I too am deathly afraid of them
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:28 PM on March 24, 2011 [10 favorites]


haven't seen it, but pretty sure the definitive cockfighting movie is Monte Hellman's Cockfighter
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:28 PM on March 24, 2011


Oh now that is a fun game!

President: Michelle Bachman
VP: John McCain
Sec of State: Sarah Palin
Sec of Treasury: Ron Paul
Homeland Security: Joe Arpaio
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 6:30 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Wait, it's an actual tank, with turret and cannon, not just an APC? That's completely fucking insane, even for Arizona.
posted by ryanrs at 6:31 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Thank goodness Steven Seagal was safe in the tank. Chickens are not to be trusted.
posted by JaredSeth at 6:31 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


And by fun I mean shoot me right now.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 6:32 PM on March 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


That wasn't a tank. This is a tank.

No, seriously: the web story says tank, but the video shows some big armoured vehicles -- still expensive, still creepy, still completely inappropriate -- but they aren't tanks. If there was a freakin' tank there, they would have shown that on tv. The reporter on the scene only mentions two armoured vehicles. The print story quotes a neighbour saying that a "tank" pushed over the chicken coop, and I think the editor back at the office just took her word for it instead of checking with the guy at the scene.

Yeah, Arpaio has that pet tank that he hugs and strokes and cuddles and sings to and calls George, but I don't think anyone saw it go up against some cocks today.
posted by maudlin at 6:32 PM on March 24, 2011


Sec of Treasury: Ron Paul

For just a second, I read that as Ru Paul.
posted by JaredSeth at 6:32 PM on March 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


Well they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night...
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:33 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


President: Michelle Bachman
VP: John McCain
Sec of State: Sarah Palin
Sec of Treasury: Ron Paul
Homeland Security: Joe Arpaio


The rest of this group doesn't want McCain one heartbeat away from the presidency.
posted by DU at 6:33 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


with a tank

In fairness, a non-armored vehicle can't contain Seagal's jowls and Coors Lite bloat.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:33 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


For just a second, I read that as Ru Paul.

Clearly Ru Paul would be secretary of labor. Because he knows how to work it.
posted by device55 at 6:35 PM on March 24, 2011 [61 favorites]


They thought someone said a Koch was in danger and jumped in the tank.
posted by Artw at 6:35 PM on March 24, 2011 [10 favorites]


No Labor's going to Scott Walker, obviously.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 6:36 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


His tank has his fuxking name on it? Is it a personal tank?
posted by Artw at 6:41 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Well clearly defending us from chickens can't be left to mere Federal tanks.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 6:43 PM on March 24, 2011


I never got why things like cockfighting and dogfighting were taken so seriously (i'm not a pet person) but this is obviously way beyond the norm.

I don't know about other parts of the country but in Northern California they usually find staggering quantities of automatic weapons, methamphetamine and armed felons when they bust these things. No tanks or 80s action stars that I've ever read about in the papers though.
posted by fshgrl at 6:43 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Chickenshit sheriff takes chickenshit actor to raid chickenshit scumbag's chickenshit operation.

Chickenshit.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:45 PM on March 24, 2011 [13 favorites]


When I was a kid for a year I lived on a deserted street in a semi industrial area of Brooklyn. The area had an abundance of dirty, greasy, cagey looking dogs that would roam the streets and shink back if you approached them. Around the corner from our apartment was an illegal cockfighting ...don't know what to call it, den? Arena ? Pit? On Sundays they would blast loud music, drink those tiny half cans of bud wiser in the street and grill. Well one time as we were driving past the place was closed, but in the middle of the street was a giant red rooster strutting around with a greasy German Shepard eying it, probably wondering if it was worth it for a meal.

We moved to a "better" neighborhood soon after. But the first night there I was awoken at dawn by a goddamn rooster, the guy next door was keeping roosters in his backyard.

There is just no escaping roosters in Brooklyn.
posted by Ad hominem at 6:46 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Thousands of dollars in damages were made to the property and 115 birds were euthanized on the spot.

...with the tank?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:46 PM on March 24, 2011 [7 favorites]



Oh, will no one think of the chickens???


They did. They brought the cook.
posted by I love you more when I eat paint chips at 6:49 PM on March 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


We can make Hitler cracks all we want, but my question is, what do you do if you want to stop a guy like Arpaio, for good?
posted by dunkadunc at 6:52 PM on March 24, 2011


We can make Hitler cracks all we want, but my question is, what do you do if you want to stop a guy like Arpaio, for good?

The dude has been elected by the good citizens of Maricopa County five times. Talk to them.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 6:55 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


What do you do if you want to stop a guy like Arpaio, for good?

Fatty foods will do more than elections will.
posted by drezdn at 6:55 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


115 birds were euthanized on the spot.

We must invade with tanks to prevent the killings of chickens!
posted by nevercalm at 6:56 PM on March 24, 2011 [9 favorites]


If Ward Nerd were here he'd surely point out that that's not a tank, it's a self-propelled 155mm howitzer.
Used for lobbing shells great distances: you wouldn't even have to leave the donut shop parking lot to take out any and all crack dens and meth labs within a 10 mile radius.
posted by Flashman at 6:57 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


ryanrs: That looks like a self-propelled gun. Not a tank. SP guns are mobile artillery...even more out of place in an urban law enforcement setting than a tank. Am pretty sure that it is an m109 : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M109_howitzer.
posted by wuwei at 6:57 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


We can make Hitler cracks all we want, but my question is, what do you do if you want to stop a guy like Arpaio, for good?

Arpaio is a symptom, not a cause. He's the physical manifestation of the idea that crime is a problem that can be solved by arrests, beatings and killings. He'll go away when we, as a nation, decide to change ourselves.
posted by Avenger at 6:59 PM on March 24, 2011 [13 favorites]


Thousands of dollars in damages were made to the property and 115 birds were euthanized on the spot.

Seriously though, since I doubt the SWAT team brought a vet with them, I wonder if they did this with assault rifles.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:00 PM on March 24, 2011


Sec of Treasury: Ron Paul

For just a second, I read that as Ru Paul.


Either way, gold will be standard.
posted by joe lisboa at 7:01 PM on March 24, 2011 [20 favorites]


He'll go away when we, as a nation, decide to change ourselves.

So... never?

Sorry, I'm in a pessimistic mood...
posted by klanawa at 7:01 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


It's LARPing Roadhouse style.
posted by nola at 7:02 PM on March 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Some 'futurist' i saw speak at a festival recently said he longed for the days when the killing of whales was taken as seriously as the killing of heroes. I know Arpanio is about as far from the environmental movement as I am but this should make a good piece of propaganda for other paranoid anti-environmentalists.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:02 PM on March 24, 2011


Seriously though, since I doubt the SWAT team brought a vet with them, I wonder if they did this with assault rifles.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts


Now that'd be some good television.
posted by 445supermag at 7:03 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


if they're going for overkill they shoulda roasted them with a flamethrower and than ate them on the spot
remember in the 2D Duke Nukems you could shoot a turkey and it would turn into a turkey dinner? good times
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:05 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


>What do you do if you want to stop a guy like Arpaio, for good?

You investigate him.
Seriously. Because a man like that will be dirty as hell.

You start by paying 60 bucks for one of those internet background checks. He'll be in there. Find out where his homes are. Find out what corporate names he may own.

You go down to the Maricopa court house and you take his name and his business names and find his assets. How many houses does he own. Go through the Arizona DMV registration site and find out how many cars he owns. How many does his wife own? Does his wife own any property? Is she employed? If not, where does she get her income from? Find out his children's assets. Cars and houses. Can they afford them from their salaries? Does anyone own a boat? Do the assets that you find match with Ariapo's election filings?

Invariably you will find that the information that you obtain leads to to more places to check.

You can bet the man is dirty. There is already a discrepancy in the range of tens of millions in his departmental budget. Where did that money go?

Once you get all that information you get a friendly lawyer to start various FOI requests. When they are ignored you follow up in Federal court. You take the information and the discrepancies that you find to the Feds. Can you get them interested? No? Then take it to the New York Times. Are the Feds interested now?

That is how you begin.
posted by Poet_Lariat at 7:05 PM on March 24, 2011 [74 favorites]


...what do you do if you want to stop a guy like Arpaio, for good?

If Command and Conquor has taught me anything, it's that you need air superiority to defeat artillery.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:05 PM on March 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


Ad hominem: When I was a kid for a year I lived on a deserted street in a semi industrial area of Brooklyn.
You were only a kid for one year? I understand it's a rough neighborhood, but man they grow up fast in Brooklyn...
posted by hincandenza at 7:06 PM on March 24, 2011 [6 favorites]


Emergency meetup in Arizona, so we can do this to the tank.
posted by get off of my cloud at 7:06 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


There is already a discrepancy in the range of tens of millions in his departmental budget. Where did that money go?

HE HAS A TANK

Ok, I'll stop now.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:06 PM on March 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


115 birds were euthanized on the spot.

Seriously though, since I doubt the SWAT team brought a vet with them, I wonder if they did this with assault rifles.


No need, surely: Segal could just punch them.
posted by MarchHare at 7:10 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Poet_Lariat: Are you Lester Freamon?!

Speaking of Steven Seagal, I seem to remember seeing him once on a talk show many years ago (Arsenio?) where he was talking about AIDS and his theory that it was created by the government to wipe out minorities (blacks in particular). He was being very cagey about the whole thing, and implied that he was in danger of being assassinated by the FBI or the CIA or someone for talking about all of this. And the host -- again, I think it was Arsenio, because he was a terrible interviewer -- was just like, "Wow. That's intense. Hmm!" Had no idea what to say and just let Seagal go on babbling. But, I've never been able to find the clip. Anyone else remember this?
posted by Saxon Kane at 7:10 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


You start by paying 60 bucks for one of those internet background checks. He'll be in there. Find out where his homes are.

Can we start one of those Internet funding things on this?
posted by Artw at 7:11 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


DU: "fascist turd

aka shitler
"

Godwin Number Two
posted by bwg at 7:16 PM on March 24, 2011 [12 favorites]


Speaking of Steven Seagal, I seem to remember seeing him once on a talk show many years ago (Arsenio?) where he was talking about AIDS and his theory that it was created by the government to wipe out minorities (blacks in particular). He was being very cagey about the whole thing, and implied that he was in danger of being assassinated by the FBI or the CIA or someone for talking about all of this. And the host -- again, I think it was Arsenio, because he was a terrible interviewer -- was just like, "Wow. That's intense. Hmm!" Had no idea what to say and just let Seagal go on babbling. But, I've never been able to find the clip. Anyone else remember this?

Part 1, Part 2
posted by amyms at 7:23 PM on March 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


Wouldn't it be cheaper for Maricopa County just to finally pay for Arpaio's penis augmentation surgery? Because he's certainly compensating for something...
posted by hippybear at 7:25 PM on March 24, 2011


Hola mi Teresa, I am thinking of you now in Maricopa...
posted by notsnot at 7:26 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


While I haven't found the issue of SPY with the Seagal article, here is one of several cut-&-pasted copies.

"You're crazy," says the consultant, and once again Seagal's bid to contract a murder is refused.

posted by dragonsi55 at 7:30 PM on March 24, 2011


President: Michelle Bachman
VP: John McCain
Sec of State: Sarah Palin
Sec of Treasury: Ron Paul
Homeland Security: Joe Arpaio


If any group has crazy fascist dictatorship takeover potential, it's this one. Replace Ron with Rand maybe, Ron at least seems to actually be a libertarian, and Rand has a nasty streak to him.
posted by codacorolla at 7:31 PM on March 24, 2011


DU: "fascist turd

aka shitler"

Godwin Number Two

Technically, I don't think it's a Godwin, bwg, since the Mustachioed Menace wasn't brought up to win an argument.

Or even in an argument.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:33 PM on March 24, 2011


Oops. According to the Wikipedia quote of Mike Godwin's original framing, it only has to occur in a discussion - which it has.

But the "whichever side brought it up automatically loses" variant doesn't apply.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:35 PM on March 24, 2011


So, hey, isn't Segal a Louisiana sheriff? What's he doing hanging out with tank boy?
posted by Artw at 7:35 PM on March 24, 2011


Is there a corollary to Godwins law regarding it's humour defeating powers?
posted by Artw at 7:37 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Rand has a nasty streak to him

And the cadre of jackbooted thugs to go along with it.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:38 PM on March 24, 2011


From Segals show I get the impression that he spends most of the time harassing the weak, the infirm and the basically feeble as they are the only folks he can hope to catch or outwit.
posted by Artw at 7:40 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


My two favorite bits from a 2002 Vanity Fair article about Seagal:
By the time Under Siege 2 went to video, Seagal’s box-office appeal had “plateaued.” With each misstep, Seagal became a bigger liability, his waistline increasing, his hairline retreating. On the set of Fire Down Below, according to a source, Seagal was so overweight that the crew spent much of its time trying to find flattering camera angles—which, given the final product, seem to have been few. When Warner Bros. put him on a strict diet and supplied him with a trainer, they found cookie crumbs on the fitness equipment.
and
One day an executive walked into Seagal’s trailer and found Hollywood’s reigning manly man…weeping. “Oh, I’m reading this script,” Seagal explained, still misty. “It’s the most incredible script I’ve ever read.”

“That’s fantastic,” the executive said, “Who wrote it?”

Seagal didn’t miss a beat. “I did,” he replied.
posted by Ian A.T. at 7:45 PM on March 24, 2011 [14 favorites]


Weirdly everything bad about him makes his appearance in Machette all the more brilliant.
posted by Artw at 7:46 PM on March 24, 2011


Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Seagal are cockblockers?
posted by pianomover at 7:48 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


>Can we start one of those Internet funding things on this?

It's not that simple. The few hundred for the initial background checks is trivial. When you take that info down to the Maricopa courthouse and start cross checking property and business records, I would guess it will take between 30 to 60 minutes to be greeted by one of Arapio's sheriffs with a friendly "Hi, watcha' dooin? " And I expect that 30 minutes after that nice greeting you'll be wearing some pink underwear and charged with interfering with the duties of a law officer of some such nonsense.

Which is why you don't go alone and which is why you align yourself at a minimum with a good investigative newspaper reported from a major newspaper (hah lots of luck there) and some organization like the ACLU or some progressive org who will commit to getting your pink ass out of jail with a decent lawyer. Then everyone files an illegal detention suit on the county and more fun begins during the legal discovery process.

The day after you get out of jail you go back to the courthouse. Rinse and repeat as long as it takes. In the meantime the newspaper gets a great story (like the care anymore) and eventually Arapio's misdeeds get into the light of day. If you find enough bad money on him even his republican minders will disown him which is how he got out of the current Federal investigation on him so far most likely.

So it takes a little more prep and determination than getting 60 bucks funding from an internet site. But not much more.
posted by Poet_Lariat at 7:50 PM on March 24, 2011 [12 favorites]


Well, I'd chip in $5 but I think I'll stop short of the whole going to Arizona thing.
posted by Artw at 7:51 PM on March 24, 2011


Can I just say that is I charged a tank (whatever) to the company's slush fund, and then had it customized with my name all over it, I'm pretty sure i'd be polishing up a resume in a week or so.
posted by newdaddy at 7:56 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Rand has a nasty streak to him.

Oh, Rand's just lashing out because he's upset about his hair. The hair he lost, and the shitty rug he bought.
posted by hippybear at 8:02 PM on March 24, 2011


I don't know. If you bought a self-propelled howitzer HR might be a little hesitant to pull the trigger on firing you.
posted by rdr at 8:03 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


When I was a kid for a year...

"Boy, Doris, they sure do grow up fast these days, don't they?"
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:05 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


amyms: I don't think he does the AIDS thing there. He talks about some GQ article about him, trashes Van Damme, but not his AIDS conspiracy, unless I skipped over it.
posted by Saxon Kane at 8:08 PM on March 24, 2011


Once again, Sheriff Joe teaches us that you can't spell crazy without AZ.

You know, I lived in Arizona for nearly 10 years, and I still don't understand the place. Whenever I see a story like this, my first instinct is to think that someone's kidding me. But then I remember that no, this is Arizona, where nobody's ever fooling. It's really actually just that surreal out there. Every. Single. Day.
posted by .kobayashi. at 8:15 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Maricopa County has cockfighting? No wonder the NHL can't survive there.

FWIW, we don't have cockfighting in Hamilton, Ontario.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:21 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Maricopa County has cockfighting? No wonder the NHL can't survive there.

I'd say that the sheer horror of any sport involving ice trying to survive in Phoenix at any point during the year has more to do with the NHL not surviving there than anything else.

How do you create an audience for a sport which involves a field made of a substance which most people haven't seen unless it was in a glass or bagged in plastic? I mean, seriously?
posted by hippybear at 8:23 PM on March 24, 2011


Hrm. That first sentence was in english when I typed it out. Please translate it as you read it.
posted by hippybear at 8:24 PM on March 24, 2011


wasn't there a plot on The Shield like this?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:26 PM on March 24, 2011


Gosh, when they say that some people cling to oversized guns because they're intimidated by another man's cock, I guess it's really true.
posted by stet at 8:27 PM on March 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


Did they make out or not? In the tank?
posted by fuq at 8:37 PM on March 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


I don't know how much more what is this I don't even my sanity can take, but the way this year is going I'm afraid I'm going to find out.

What the fuck, world?
posted by Space Kitty at 8:38 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Was going to comment on how that was a self propelled artillery piece and not a tank but got beat. What I can comment on is: who let that man buy a self propelled artillery piece? Was the crazy man what did that remember to remove the firing mechanisms and plug the barrel?

If not, it wont be long until we hear about mysterious shellings of the Sonoran desert.
posted by Slackermagee at 8:43 PM on March 24, 2011


man you're living in a bad action movie. you should be happy. the world is finally catching up to fiction

or maybe it always has. this sort of thing has always happened. he's the Sheriff of Nottingham. who's Robin Hood?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:44 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Honestly, given all the horrific real life stuff that's happening in the world, I feel like this sort of deranged sideshow -- the kind of thing that would have been genuinely appalling once -- is now just hilarious in its total over-the-top stupidity. A fucking tank; sure, why not.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:47 PM on March 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


Technically it's a self-propelled howitzer.
posted by furtive at 8:49 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Honestly, given all the horrific real life stuff that's happening in the world, I feel like this sort of deranged sideshow -- the kind of thing that would have been genuinely appalling once -- is now just hilarious in its total over-the-top stupidity. A fucking tank; sure, why not.

If you can't laugh at this shit, then nothing is funny.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:51 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I think Sheriff Joe is compensating for something. "Oh, hey! Check out my big gun!"

Steven Seagal's issues? I have no clue.
posted by SPrintF at 8:56 PM on March 24, 2011


“When the tank came in and pushed the wall over and you see what's in there, and all it is, is a bunch of chickens,”

all i know is colonel sanders didn't need a fucking howitzer to take out a bunch of stupid chickens
posted by pyramid termite at 9:10 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


115 birds were euthanized on the spot.

It became necessary to destroy the chickens in order to save them.
posted by Etaoin Shrdlu at 9:17 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


GOOGLE RUPAUL
posted by signalnine at 9:19 PM on March 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


Yes, this -- Arpaio's pet -- is a self-propelled howitzer. Please note that the vehicle is up on a platform in that first picture and does not appear to be going anywhere.

This is a screencap from the tv report, showing one of the vehicles at the farm this morning. Some people, like the neighbour quoted in the print article, may call this a "tank" because it has armour. But if you define "tank" as an armoured vehicle with caterpillar treads (not wheels), a turret and a gun, then this is not a tank. And it's not the county's self-propelled howitzer either.

Look: the tv story starts off with a lot of chatting about chickens, shots of the armoured cars and the chicken coops. It moves on to Seagal muttering, Sheriff Joe frothing, and features the reporter talking about two armoured vehicles. Neither he nor the desk anchors mention a tank even once. I would think that the presence of a tank (that was somehow gassed up, taken off the platform, and successfully driven to the location, crushing a few smart cars on the way, because you know Sheriff Joe wouldn't miss the chance if it came up) would somehow merit a little video time, or even a mention by the reporter if it had been magically spirited away before he arrived.

The print story quotes one civilian calling the vehicle that crushed the coop a "tank". No one else, even Seagal, uses that term. It is plenty insane already that they set up the bust with armoured vehicles and a has-been. But if any of you are thinking this when the word "tank" is used: sorry. The country owns one of those neat toys. But there is absolutely no evidence it ever went out to that farm. Somebody back at KPHO went running with that term when they wrote up the story because one witness called the vehicle a tank, and practically every story I've seen since via Google news has repeated that term uncritically.

Ms. Buzzkill will shut up now.
posted by maudlin at 9:29 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Even Axl could kick Segal's ass.
posted by telstar at 9:41 PM on March 24, 2011


I have read Steven Seagal's Wikipedia page.

Steven Seagal is fucking weird.
posted by dirigibleman at 10:36 PM on March 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Yeah... saw this report this morning. Sadly, it's become kind of typical of Sheriff Joe, who also recently raided Mesa's City Hall with the SWAT team to bust a bunch of contract janitors. There's also an ongoing dispute with the county commissioners... which is a totally disturbing fiasco in and of itself.

The list of... uhh... unflattering things about Sheriff Joe goes on and on... the thing is -- you could do all the investigation you want, it won't make any difference. He's going to keep winning elections forever, probably die in office....
posted by ph00dz at 10:39 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


How about air strikes for dog fighting compounds!
posted by clavdivs at 10:40 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


And napalm for political fraud!

Seriously. Napalm them.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 10:42 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is a screencap from the tv report, showing one of the vehicles at the farm this morning. Some people, like the neighbour quoted in the print article, may call this a "tank" because it has armour...But if any of you are thinking this when the word "tank" is used: sorry. The country owns one of those neat toys. But there is absolutely no evidence it ever went out to that farm.

So... he has two tanks?
posted by Artw at 10:46 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


didn't Seagal used to bust corrupt politicians and stuff like that? or maybe this is an extension of the radical environmentalism he displayed in On Deadly Ground? or maybe i'm overthinking this

WHY WON'T OUTLAW VERN WEIGH IN? i keep refreshing...
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 10:48 PM on March 24, 2011


I'm hoping that Aphex Twin's pseudo-tank can go turret-to-turret with this one, hopefully with a big DRUKQS logo on the side, augmented by an impressive array of surplus heavy munitions. RDJ would also command naval supremacy with his submarine, which in Arizona I'm guessing just would not work very well.
posted by meehawl at 10:51 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Don't forget the brown note!
posted by Artw at 11:06 PM on March 24, 2011


I don't know what you guys are laughing about, chickens can kill you.
posted by rkent at 11:13 PM on March 24, 2011


>he thing is -- you could do all the investigation you want, it won't make any difference. He's
>going to keep winning elections forever, probably die in office....

Well you're right as long as no one does anything about him. Investigative journalists used to have that job. Not so much anymore. There's no reason at all why someone else couldn't do the same thing.

Men like that they're dirty and they make enemies. Lots of enemies. A poke here and a poke there. Poke just the right place and it all comes tumbling down. There is nothing particularly magic or special about Arpaio. Expose him as the crook that he must be and the money and influence that props him up dries up .It only takes the will and some effort.
posted by Poet_Lariat at 11:32 PM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Five years back, a botched IP address led to a Virginia home ransacked by a "paramilitary search-and-seizure team" which counted Shaquille O'Neal as a member.

This emergent police state, it's a horrible collision between "1984", Variety magazine and "Wacky Mad Libs vol. 6".
posted by metaman livingblog at 12:04 AM on March 25, 2011 [9 favorites]


Steven Seagal's issues? I have no clue.

It seems that at some point in the early nineties, he must have bought every can of Ron Popeil's Spray-On Hair in existence. That stuff probably kicks out some wicked fumes.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:04 AM on March 25, 2011


Hey man, I don't blame Joe for callin' out his tank to deal with these birds. For all we know, one of those cocks could of been Pojo The Chicken.
posted by Godwin Interjection at 3:05 AM on March 25, 2011


West Valley residents in the neighborhood are crying foul

A HA HA oh man that is some awesome pun work.

Uh, foul/fowl is what I'm going for here. I just taught fourth graders about puns so I'm maybe a little hasty with the explanations.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 3:55 AM on March 25, 2011


IAmBroom: "Oops. According to the Wikipedia quote of Mike Godwin's original framing, it only has to occur in a discussion - which it has.

But the "whichever side brought it up automatically loses" variant doesn't apply
"

Well, I went with "Godwin Number Two" (with a unstated long "O" and silent "D" in Godwin), because other euphemisms for taking a crap didn't work; eg. 'Pinching a Godwin'.

Though I suppose a case could be made for "Turdwin".
posted by bwg at 3:56 AM on March 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


First they came for the chickens, and yet, I did not speak out...
posted by zaelic at 4:16 AM on March 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


OK, so the people they raided were clearly Under Siege...and given Arpaio's rep, they may even be Marked for Death.

They certainly did not receive True Justice. And more certainly, Arpaio's rights-violating practices have proven Hard to Kill.
posted by Sand at 4:55 AM on March 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Are we sure this isn't Reno 911?
posted by Evernix at 5:18 AM on March 25, 2011


This level of force is completely appropriate - the suspect is known to be Mexican.
posted by Mister_A at 5:32 AM on March 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


For these chickens, there was Nowhere To Run
posted by Flashman at 5:48 AM on March 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sec of Treasury: Ron Paul

For just a second, I read that as Ru Paul.


"I am sassy, but I am never bitchy."
posted by Short Attention Sp at 6:02 AM on March 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ultra Mega Chicken? Shhh...He is legend.
posted by rollbiz at 6:30 AM on March 25, 2011


I keep hoping someone will parody Seagal's Lawman with Steven Seagal - Lawnman where he brings megalomania, Aikido, and melodrama to yard maintenance.
posted by gruchall at 6:34 AM on March 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


Hola mi Teresa, I am thinking of you now in Maricopa...

Hey, I caught that. Gallo del Cielo is about the best English-language corrido I've heard.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:01 AM on March 25, 2011


Caw-caw-Caw Caw-caw-Caw
posted by dflemingecon at 7:01 AM on March 25, 2011


Dude brought a tank to a chicken fight. How is that not a crowning moment of awesome?
posted by malocchio at 7:02 AM on March 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Pfft. You call that a tank? This is a tank.
posted by electroboy at 7:29 AM on March 25, 2011


So apparently there were TWO tanks, 12 million chickens and a giant electric penguin. And they walked into a bar...
posted by Mister_A at 7:51 AM on March 25, 2011


Are we sure this isn't Reno 911?

When gently swelling '80s action stars team up with ethically dubious camwhore law enforcement, all chances of separating reality from satire become virtually impossible.

I'm sure they expected this to make them look hard assed. All they accomplished is revealing that they are the kind of men, so afraid of poultry, that they needed an armored vehicle to get near them.

Cowards.
posted by quin at 8:16 AM on March 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


So, hey, isn't Segal a Louisiana sheriff?
No, not anymore. He resigned so he wouldn't have to face an internal affairs investigation after a lawsuit for sex trafficking and sexual assault.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 8:35 AM on March 25, 2011


That wasn't a tank. This is a tank.

No, THIS is a tank.
I'd link the Ratte, but that was more like WWII engineering fan-fiction than something that was ever built

Course, it's only a matter of time before the escalation occurs...
posted by FatherDagon at 8:44 AM on March 25, 2011


That Sherrf Arpaio is a nutbar. Tired of him already years and years ago. You don't need all that crazyness to keep order.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 8:59 AM on March 25, 2011


So, hey, isn't Segal a Louisiana sheriff? What's he doing hanging out with tank boy?

Segal is a reserve deputy sheriff in Jefferson Parish, LA; he was given a commission by the late Sheriff Harry Lee. Segal took it seriously, spending time with the JPSO, nominally as a training officer to show them self-defense and weapons techniques. Segal created the series Steven Segal: Lawman and approached Sheriff Newell Normand to allow him to go out on patrols in the parish and film them.

In 2010, Segal was was sued by a former personal assistant on a variety of charges including sexual harassment, illegal trafficking of women for sex, and other crimes. The JPSO refused to investigate the charges due to a lack of a formal complaint, and the suit was dismissed three months later.

But it had an effect on Segal's relationship with the JPSO, and after filming the second season in 2010 the series announced it was moving to Maricopa County, AZ and Sheriff Arpaio's full cooperation. It was probably during filming an episode that someone decided that bringing out the tank would make for a good show.
posted by Not The Stig at 9:21 AM on March 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Man, I can't help feeling that's going to really change the tone of the show... previously it was Segal and a bunch of incompetent fat cops that were more goofy and crap than actually evil, and bizarre as it seems he did seem to be part of the team and taking it serious. Now, being the tagalong non-sheriff to Shreriff Crazy Racehate? That's just going to be a horrible show with an aura of evil.

* though the previous show did, of course, mainly pick on black people.
posted by Artw at 9:36 AM on March 25, 2011


haven't seen it, but pretty sure the definitive cockfighting movie is Monte Hellman's Cockfighter

Not even close. It's Bronson of course!
posted by spasm at 11:48 AM on March 25, 2011


Takeshii Miike's Dead or Alive
posted by Artw at 11:52 AM on March 25, 2011


you just know SS & Sheriff Joe have got epic EDC gear.
posted by Lou Stuells at 12:03 PM on March 25, 2011


There's a pretty funny chapter in David Rakoff's book Fraud where he goes to a Buddhist retreat that features Steven Seagal as a guest instructor.
posted by electroboy at 12:04 PM on March 25, 2011


Lou Ferrigno is part of Arpaio's posse, as well. It's like they're filming The Expendables II already.
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:23 PM on March 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Expendables II: Expendabler
posted by Artw at 12:23 PM on March 25, 2011


ph00dz: probably die in office....

i hope he does. preferably soon.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:49 PM on March 25, 2011


It seems that at some point in the early nineties, he must have bought every can of Ron Popeil's Spray-On Hair in existence.

This led to one of the greatest Hollywood quotes ever, spaketh DMX on the set of Exit Wounds: " Steven Seagal is a fucking fuckhead, with fucking spray on hair."
posted by biffa at 4:26 PM on March 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


« Older 10 O'Clock Live is a show currently airing on Chan...  |  Message With a Bottle... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments