Let the chips fall where they may.

March 26, 2011 10:46 AM

"I've been eating two family-size bags [chips/crisps] a day for two years, and little else for the past decade." Via: The Guardian.
posted by Fizz (133 comments total)

I wonder if she knows the woman who only eats cheese.
posted by briank at 10:49 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

At least she acknowledges that there may be some vitamin and other nutrient deficiencies caused by her diet, and seems to have worked to make sure the rest of her family eats healthy.

Reminds me of one of my sister's friends who, while growing up, would ONLY eat hot dogs. As in, the hot dog, no bun, no ketchup, nothing else with it. For years and years. I have no idea if her habits have changed in the intervening 30 years, but I'd assume so.

I know I can get into food ruts, but apparently they aren't very deep ruts and are easy to climb out of compared to some people.
posted by hippybear at 10:52 AM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

... and she studied health and fitness in college ...
posted by mannequito at 10:53 AM on March 26, 2011

Does she take vitamins and stuff as well?
posted by delmoi at 10:53 AM on March 26, 2011

Once, back in college, I ate a bag of barbecue chips for dinner. I usually never eat chips--can't stand them. But I had a weird craving for them. And that was dinner.

My colon was displeased.

I'm not quite sure how this woman is still alive. The human body can cope with some amazing things.
posted by phunniemee at 10:56 AM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

"At 31, it feels like it's too late; the damage is done"

Seriously? You're not even half way through the standard operational lifespan of you body at 31, ancient as that may be.
posted by Blasdelb at 10:57 AM on March 26, 2011 [9 favorites]

I had a Mopac sandwich from the Whole Foods deli three days in a row last week.
posted by box at 10:58 AM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

She's totally missing the beer group.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:59 AM on March 26, 2011 [20 favorites]

I turned 31 this year. Am I to understand I could have been eating nothing but potato chips this whole time? I feel cheated.
posted by Godspeed.You!Black.Emperor.Penguin at 10:59 AM on March 26, 2011 [59 favorites]

"At 31, it feels like it's too late; the damage is done"

That line bothered me as well. I made a drastic change in dieit and exercise within the past 5 months and lost 25 lbs. and I'm 30.
posted by Fizz at 10:59 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wow, she needs to stop it. Just stop it!


Stop. It.
posted by Redfield at 11:00 AM on March 26, 2011 [13 favorites]

... and she studied health and fitness in college ...

It's not like she has any illusions that this is healthy. She seems pretty clear on the fact that this is disordered eating, and it's part of the pattern of eating disorders that she's had for a long time. I feel bad for her, and I hope she figures out a better way to deal with her eating issues.
posted by craichead at 11:01 AM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Livin' the dream.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:01 AM on March 26, 2011 [8 favorites]

Someone I know (not a friend of a friend) ended up with actual scurvy from a diet of only hot dogs and chips. We were simultaneously horrified and impressed.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 11:03 AM on March 26, 2011 [18 favorites]

I find cooking very satisfying, ironically.I find cooking very satisfying, ironically.

That isn't strange. I knew an anorexic in college who was always coming over and cooking things for me and my roommates--often times cookies and cakes. She never ate any. I think this was her outlet for her body telling her "FOOD! I MUST HAVE FOOD!"

I'm fine. I don't get ill more often than anyone else, although my nails are weak and my gums bleed when I brush my teeth.

That doesn't sound fine to me.
posted by eye of newt at 11:03 AM on March 26, 2011 [6 favorites]

I can remember my mum trying everything to get me to eat healthily, cooking spaghetti bolognese and chopping up veg


Anybody else kind of weirded out by her childish writing stile? And this is, I assume, after being edited to be printed in the paper.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 11:03 AM on March 26, 2011

Not your doctor, but this is an eating disorder checklist, complete with the early resignation to fate.
posted by The Whelk at 11:05 AM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Anyone else remember these short-lived potato chip warnings for potato chips that contained olestra?
posted by Fizz at 11:06 AM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

That isn't strange. I knew an anorexic in college who was always coming over and cooking things for me and my roommates--often times cookies and cakes. She never ate any. I think this was her outlet for her body telling her "FOOD! I MUST HAVE FOOD!"

When I was anorexic I bought a lot of food, though I ate none of it. Once I'd bought the food it seemed to tick a switch in my brain that said, "ok, food thing handled, on to the next thing," and I could ignore it. Kind of like when you have a headache and you get a couple of aspirin out of the bottle but forget to actually take them because part of your brain has checked off the "needed aspirin/got aspirin" checkbox.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 11:07 AM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Have we descended to single linking tabloid-y headlines? Really?

What's next?

KATE & WILL DOUBLES FEARS?
posted by Sphinx at 11:07 AM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I knew an anorexic in college who was always coming over and cooking things for me and my roommates

I did that, too, when I was anorexic. I think it's actually textbook anorexic behavior.

To me, this is clearly a portrait of how people function long-term with an eating disorder. This is what happens to anorexics who don't die and don't get better.
posted by craichead at 11:08 AM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Well, she has adapted I guess, until she falls extremely ill from something. It's fairly obvious she has, for whatever reason, some serious issues regarding food, and I'd hate to have her digestive tract and... well all sorts of issues. The story is kind of like one you'd find in a pulp sci fic book, where the mind controlling larvae forces it's host to eat one thing only, at the detriment of the host, so it can sustain the parasite until one year BLAM it breaks free and...

Oh, and the math in that article doesn't add up quite right, not sure what it is but:
-
At 20 I became pregnant with Luke
-When Luke was five, I bought a packet of barbecue-flavoured crisps and that was it: I was in love
-I didn't eat anything else for the next eight years, until the day I decided to go wild and try Monster Munch
-At 31, it feels like it's too late


so.. she should be 33-34, not that it is a huge difference... still.
posted by edgeways at 11:09 AM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Seriously? You're not even half way through the standard operational lifespan of you body at 31....

I'd say someone living on nothing but potato chips probably has a very different-length lifespan as a result.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:10 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Have we descended to single linking tabloid-y headlines? Really?

I didn't see this as particularly tabloid-like. An interesting editorial written by a woman who obviously has some nutritional issues. Also, it's the Guardian, a bit better than the National Enquirer.
posted by Fizz at 11:11 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

FYI, a British size 12-14 translates to a US size 8-10.
posted by beagle at 11:12 AM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Gotta love the guardian.... "I Lived With Wolves" and "I Fell in Love With a Sex Offender" are two of the other stories on that page.
posted by Huck500 at 11:12 AM on March 26, 2011

> Day to day, I'm fine. I don't get ill more often than anyone else, although my nails are weak and my gums bleed when I brush my teeth.

That's because you have scurvy, ma'am.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:14 AM on March 26, 2011 [18 favorites]

FYI, a British size 12-14 translates to a US size 8-10.

I'm not entirely sure what bearing that has on the discussion!
posted by craichead at 11:14 AM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Anybody else kind of weirded out by her childish writing stile [sic]? And this is, I assume, after being edited to be printed in the paper.

I assume it's a bit of a transcription, due to the "As told to Emily Cunningham" note at the bottom of the article. A lot of people speak more simply than they might write.
posted by hippybear at 11:15 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Anybody else kind of weirded out by her childish writing stile? And this is, I assume, after being edited to be printed in the paper.

The attribution line at the bottom of the article indicates that this is an "as told to", which means that this woman didn't write this article but spoke about it with someone else who did the actual writing. Writers who use this method tend to preserve the conversational style in an effort to keep it in the teller's voice.
posted by orange swan at 11:16 AM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

A few years ago, one week of my life consisted of vending machine chips (mostly hot Cheetos) and Starbucks bottled frappuccinos. My tract did not enjoy it. I was gassy enough that I had enough time to think, "Hm, this is taking a while... what, still going? Really? Surely this is going to stop soon. Really?"
posted by Xere at 11:20 AM on March 26, 2011 [6 favorites]

> It works for me at the moment and I'll just keep plodding along until I decide maybe it's time for a change.

Well, okay, but the thing about cases like these is that it's quite often Father Time who decides when it's time for a change.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:20 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

... so basically, I am amazed by how this woman has adjusted.
posted by Xere at 11:21 AM on March 26, 2011

This woman needs to be hospitalized.
posted by el chupa nibre at 11:22 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

"You think you've had good barbecue? I'll show you good barbecue!"
posted by defenestration at 11:22 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

> A few years ago, one week of my life consisted of vending machine chips...

Towards the end of my last year of university I fell into a seriously unhealthy diet (lots of insta-food and Doritos) for a few weeks. One morning I was halfway through a bag of chips when I started receiving signals that Something Was Wrong, so I walked over to the nearest grocery store and bought a carton of milk and some fruit. My lunch that day is (God willing) the nearest I'll ever get to how I would imagine a parched plant must feel when it finally gets watered.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:25 AM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

"I've been eating two family-size bags [chips/crisps] a day for two years, and little else for the past decade."

Ugh, I'm so sick of these "blogs" that are nothing more than thinly-veiled pitches for book deals!
posted by Ian A.T. at 11:27 AM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Here's another article, from the Daily Mirror of all things, which explicitly addresses whether this is an eating disorder:

“When I’m hungry I eat a ­packet of crisps. I don’t try to diet, Monster Munch is just what I feel like ­eating. But I do realise it’s just another eating disorder. It’s ­probably a branch of my ­anorexia and bulimia in my teens.

“I would like to change, I just don’t know when it’s going to ­happen and what it’s going to take. I worry about the future, I would like to eat normally but I don’t know how to get there.”

She recently discovered the term ‘selective eating disorder’ to describe her eating habits when she searched the internet for people similar to her.

It seems a little off to me to treat this as another "look at the wacky lady with the wacky diet" thing. She's got a strange eating disorder, but it's clearly an eating disorder.
posted by craichead at 11:29 AM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Ian A.T.: Did you even click-through? It's a one-off article in the Guardian, and not a blog.

Or are you being jokey?
posted by hippybear at 11:30 AM on March 26, 2011

It's a control issue. She feels oppressed by the idea of food and eating and this little pocket of OCD behavior she's developed his her way of eating and sating her hunger without letting those terrible feelings of oppression she feels from getting the best of her...

And I would guess it has a great deal to do with her relationship to her mother and what the dinner table atmosphere was like for her as a child: If there was a great deal of confrontation and argument and a sense of entrapment and no respect for her will etc..

But something this extreme, I would think points to a particularly toxic, dare I say it monsterous dinner table situation.

It's no wonder she'll only eat Monster Munch.

It's her revenge against the world. Two bags of Jumbo sized Monster Munch. Twice a day.
posted by Skygazer at 11:37 AM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

I did not, as far as I know, have anorexia or body image problems, but I definitely had some kind of weird disordered eating as a kid. I liked almost nothing and lived for years on bologna sandwiches (on white bread, of course), sugar cookies, and McDonald's hamburgers (plain, they had to be PLAIN). Oh, and lots of soda. I wouldn't even eat pizza until I was 17.
posted by JanetLand at 11:40 AM on March 26, 2011

I'm glad I'm not her daughter. Dealing with the eating issues two "regular" parents can give is a part-time job in and of itself.
posted by pinky at 11:44 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Well, she's an idiot. And that article is over a month old.
posted by Decani at 11:51 AM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I wouldn't even eat pizza until I was 17.

Until I was 17, I probably would've eaten anything called 'pizza," plastic, cardboard cut out drawn with crayons....what have you.

Now you see it, now you don't. Nom nom nom.
posted by Skygazer at 11:54 AM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ian A.T.: Did you even click-through? It's a one-off article in the Guardian, and not a blog. Or are you being jokey?

Yeah, I was joking. That's the sort of comment that gets posted in every single thread in which a someone attempts to do a certain thing over a period of time, even when the blog in question is clearly a parody of that genre.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a big fan of the "I'm Going To Do X Everyday For A Year" blog, but even more annoying is how it sometimes seems like Metafilter is full of wannabe writers who would run over their own mothers with a truck for a shot at a book deal, yet lash out vehemently at anything resembling ambition on the part of another writer. Indeed, along with cat declawing and circumcision, I'd say that "writers" is something else that MeFi just Doesn't Do Well--notice how every single article linked here has at least one person complaining about how badly written it is--but that's a MetaTalk for another day...
posted by Ian A.T. at 12:00 PM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Decani: Well, she's an idiot. And that article is over a month old.

So there's a ban on over-a-month-old idiocy now? Hmm. So hard to keep up.

Ian A.T.: I'd say that "writers" is something else that MeFi just Doesn't Do Well--notice how every single article linked here has at least one person complaining about how badly written it is--but that's a MetaTalk for another day...

And every single mefi post has at least one person complaining about how this [insert topic] is something that metafilter doesn't do well, but that's a metatalk for another day.
posted by blucevalo at 12:03 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Googling around, it seems the family-size bag is 85 grams. That is:
980 calories, 14 grams protein, 50 grams fat, 3.4 grams fiber, and as far as I can tell, 0 vitamins or minerals.

Her entire diet is Maize, Vegetable Oil, Roast Beef Flavour (Wheat Rusk , Hydrolysed Soya Protein, Lactose (From Milk), Flavourings, Flavouring Enhancers (Monosodium Glutamate, Disodium 5' Ribonucleotide), Colour (Ammonia Caramel)), Salt, Wheat Flour. Oh, and tea.
posted by Houstonian at 12:03 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I can identify. If I had a good place near me, I'd eat burritos every meal of the day. Nothing else, just sweet, sweet burritos.
posted by nevercalm at 12:06 PM on March 26, 2011 [9 favorites]

Some 10 years ago I used to work with a woman who only ever ate a 2 lb bag of barbecue potato chips for lunch every day (she actually opened the bag at lunch time and then noshed throughout the afternoon). I don't know what she ate while at home, but she was very, very slim, almost bony. I used to marvel that she could eat chips all day and stay so skinny. On the other hand, she had "bug" eyes, and right before I'd left the company she mentioned to me that her doctor had ordered a thyroid biopsy.
posted by Oriole Adams at 12:07 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is one of those times I'm very grateful that my own odd eating habits tend to focus on grilled lean meat, salads, and fruit. I generally eat enough avocado, animal fat, and dairy that I don't get fat cravings but once in a while I'll turn ravenous and race to the deli to order a deliciously greasy 1-pound burger.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 12:10 PM on March 26, 2011

Monster Munch stick to your teeth like a motherfucker. So around 20% of those 980 calories are slow-release. In case you were wondering.
posted by tigrefacile at 12:19 PM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

My mother's 90 and she still eats healthy, even though we tell her she now has a free pass to eat nothing but oreos and ice cream for the rest of her life.
posted by Faze at 12:28 PM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Dunno, her macro's isn't totally out of whack, not more then the average persons. And her calorie intake is certainly more in line with a more healthy diet especially if she works at a desk.

Obviously she lacks some key vitamins and minerals, but with a few supplements she could probably be as healthy physically as most people (not very, but still).
posted by Greald at 12:35 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

I bet her breath is amazing(ly disgusting)
posted by stormpooper at 12:36 PM on March 26, 2011

I have a similar fixation, only mine is for a wide variety of delicious foodstuffs.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:40 PM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

She's totally missing the beer group.

Not to mention the chocotastic!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:51 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

This was a stupid thing for me to read while on my first month of Weight Watchers!
posted by theredpen at 12:53 PM on March 26, 2011

If this woman even had half a brain, she'd've started a blog a long time ago. She'd probably be on her second book in a three book contract by now, if she had.
posted by nevercalm at 12:57 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

It's hard to type with beef flavoring covering your fingers.
posted by theredpen at 1:03 PM on March 26, 2011

Dunno, her macro's isn't totally out of whack, not more then the average persons. And her calorie intake is certainly more in line with a more healthy diet especially if she works at a desk.

Obviously she lacks some key vitamins and minerals, but with a few supplements she could probably be as healthy physically as most people (not very, but still).

Add to that: She's not hurting anyone. She's not forcing her family to share her disordered eating- she COOKS for them.

This is really none of anyone's business.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 1:07 PM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Vitamins would likely stop her bleeding gums. Science should study this woman.
posted by jnnla at 1:08 PM on March 26, 2011

Here's something about Monster Munch, if you're not familiar (I wasn't).

Also, I was just looking through the "Experience" archives... there's all sorts of wild stuff in there. "I was impaled by my own sculpture," "I lived with wolves," "I was run over by a freight train" ... but this was sweet: I married my husband 53 years after we got engaged.
posted by taz at 1:11 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

She probably gets enough ascorbic acid from her daily consumption of tea and cola that scurvy is not one of her problems. My money would be on rickets.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 1:20 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Massive hunks of Roast Beef flavoured corn snack.

Suitable for vegetarians.


? . . . ?!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:21 PM on March 26, 2011

Also, she should switch to potato chips, since the potato is nutritionally complete and all. So long as there's not another potato blight, she should be good.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:21 PM on March 26, 2011

Well hells bells...why didn't anyone on the other side of the pond mention that Monster Munch snackadoodle's are shaped like monster claws?

It pretty much makes this whole thread pointless. Who wouldn't want to eat two bag a day of these a day of this superlative snack awesomeness regardless of a little harmless scurvy and gum bleeding and perhaps a fit of embarrassing explosive flatulence in polite company.
posted by Skygazer at 1:27 PM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Anyone else remember these short-lived potato chip warnings for potato chips that contained olestra?

Yes. I remember the phrase "anal leakage" rather than "loose stools." I hope I'm not making that up. Because if I was, that would be kind of weird.
posted by marxchivist at 1:39 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Where do the Brits keep this stone they're always referring to?
posted by jsavimbi at 1:43 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Anyone else remember these short-lived potato chip warnings for potato chips that contained olestra?

Uh yes. I remember because I learned the hard way. I was about 19 when olestra came out and I loved chips but didn't eat them because of the fat content. So when olestra came out I was all excited and bought a can of Pringles. They tasted just like the regular ones so I thought it was a good idea to eat the whole can in one sitting. Let's just say that about an hour later I experienced the most painful and explosive colon cleanse I've ever had in my life. That was the first and last time I ate anything with olestra in it.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 1:46 PM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Where do the Brits keep this stone they're always referring to?

I keep mine in a handy wrap-around tummy warmer.


This is really none of anyone's business.

Join us in the repeal of the draconian legislation compelling the selling of human interest stories to the national press.

I can only wonder how she resists leavening her roast beef with pickled onion.
posted by biffa at 1:52 PM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

I could probably do that lovingly for about 36 hours, and then my eyeballs would explode from the salt, and the lack-of-proper-amino-acids rage.
posted by gjc at 1:55 PM on March 26, 2011

Yes. I remember the phrase "anal leakage" rather than "loose stools."

That's because it didn't just make your stools loose... If consumed regularly, it would actually cause (in some people) a tiny dribble of odd oily colon-matter/liquid suspension to come out of your ass without it really being a bowel movement, and without the person necessarily even knowing it was happening.

There really isn't any other phrase for that other than "anal leakage".
posted by hippybear at 1:59 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also, it's the Guardian, a bit better than the National Enquirer.

Two words: Bruno Magli.
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:04 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

There really isn't any other phrase for that other than "anal leakage".

Actually, I remember the terminology being "anal seepage" but I could be wrong on that.
posted by snofoam at 2:06 PM on March 26, 2011

My guess is that she's got low blood pressure and craves the salt. I used to be"addicted" to sunflower seeds for that reason, until a Dr. wised me up.
posted by Ideefixe at 2:12 PM on March 26, 2011

I would be concerned about the large amount of sodium she is ingesting without balancing it out with potassium. This could result in elevated blood pressure...

Also, nthing the need for a multivitamin.
posted by blakslaks at 2:24 PM on March 26, 2011

Olestra sometimes causes underwear staining associated with "anal leakage."

Olestra sometimes causes underwear staining. That phenomenon may be caused most commonly by greasy, hard-to-wipe-off fecal matter, but occasionally also from anal leakage (leakage of liquid olestra through the anal sphincter).

Procter & Gamble conducted a study that examined the effects of different formulations of olestra. The study used a dose of 34 gm/day, but, unfortunately, it lasted only five days, so it must be considered very preliminary. However, even that study showed that anal leakage occurred at a slightly higher rate in the test groups consuming the types of olestras than in the control group (which, inexplicably, included 2 cases of anal leakage). In addition, anal leakage was reported by one subject in the high-dose group (32 gm/day) of the eight-week dose-response study. Given the small size of the study groups (an average of 20 subjects/group) in the two eight-week studies, this single occurrence adds further evidence that Procter & Gamble has not yet resolved the anal leakage problem in heavy consumers of olestra.

Although underwear staining and anal leakage do not endanger consumers' physical health, those phenomena could cause psychological problems, including feelings of embarrassment and insecurity. Children and teenagers, especially, are likely to be disturbed about having dirty underwear, fearing embarrassment in front of friends and family. Snacking should be a pleasure undiluted with problems like dirty underwear.

Another condition associated with olestra consumption, "oil in toilet," occurred frequently in Procter & Gamble's two eight-week clinical studies. It could be disconcerting and might spur some people to see their doctor.

Not to be confused with Santorum.
posted by ericb at 2:27 PM on March 26, 2011 [6 favorites]

QFT -- " Snacking should be a pleasure undiluted with problems like dirty underwear."
posted by ericb at 2:29 PM on March 26, 2011 [6 favorites]

Metafilter: Snacking should be a pleasure undiluted with problems like dirty underwear.
posted by nevercalm at 2:29 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ah crap.
posted by nevercalm at 2:30 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was about to post something mildly witty, but quite frankly, the Olestra post by ericb just put me off of food for a long time. The study only lasted 5 days. Two people in the control group inexplicably had anal leakage. You cannot make this stuff up. My two teenage sons will so appreciate that link.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:30 PM on March 26, 2011

I wonder if she knows the woman who only eats cheese.

Cheese, or milk, is the perfect food, one can thrive on it alone, assuming (some of) it's raw (unpasteurized). Tea would be a good addition.
posted by stbalbach at 2:32 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

The early warnings on products with Olestra included both "anal leakage" and "greasy seepage."
posted by spasm at 2:36 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

38 comments in, and nobody's asked the most pressing question: Why don't we in the US get roast beef flavored snacks?
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:36 PM on March 26, 2011 [5 favorites]

because we got JERKY.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 2:40 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I was reading this and happily eating my supper, an then somebody busted out the anal leakage.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:44 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Roast Beef Monster Munch are top snacks. Pickled Onion Minster Munch, on the other hand, taste like fried sick.
posted by scruss at 2:45 PM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Its easy to get into a crazy food rut, and ironically you can eat less calories by doing so while eating very unhealthy food.

I was an overweight teenager and for some reason decided to lose weight by eating 3-4 mcdonalds cheeseburgers a day. 2 in the middle of the day and 2 at night. I also started jogging. In a few of months I dropped something like 30+lbs. I later went overseas for summer vacation and lived less of an american lifestyle for three months and lost another 15-20lbs. When I got back to school I was barely recognizable with my deep tan, thin body, and new smaller clothes. Heck, when I was shopping for shirts the woman helping me said something like "Well, for thin guys like you we recommend this type of cut." It was such a weird thing to be called a "thin guy" as I was, until that point, a very fat kid since gradeschool.

I suspect this is how Atkins and other weirdo diets really work. Once you remove all the snacking, deserts, and second helpings, etc losing weight comes easy. This kind of food ruttery probably comes easy to overly logical, nerdy, weirdo OCD types too.

On the flipside, I'm not as thin now, but am merely chubby at worst and nowhere near being properly fat or obese. I also have a very dim view of parents with fat children. I feel they don't or won't care about how badly this hurts kids. My gf also was a fat kid and the stories we exchange about growing up are really depressing.
posted by damn dirty ape at 2:47 PM on March 26, 2011 [7 favorites]

I think that it's a tribute to the human psyche that a person who "was busy at college, studying health and fitness" can eat such a diet without her head exploding from cognitive dissonance.
posted by leftcoastbob at 2:50 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

If you grew up in the 1980s in England it's almost compulsory to love beef Monster Munch - so nobody's going to ask her to stop completely. But I am concerned that she's not covering all the basic food groups, and to protect her long term health she should diversify her consumption. Frazzles, Seabrook's, and Nik Naks are all essential for a balanced and nutritionally complete snack intake (though dietitians are still split over the necessity of Burton's Fish 'n' Chips).
posted by Jehan at 2:54 PM on March 26, 2011 [5 favorites]

Wasn't there that question a while ago about someone who smelled like beef jerky? Maybe here's the answer.
Otherwise: oh barf
posted by Namlit at 3:04 PM on March 26, 2011

she sounds like a real crispy critter to me
posted by pyramid termite at 3:09 PM on March 26, 2011

Gotta love the guardian.... "I Lived With Wolves" and "I Fell in Love With a Sex Offender" are two of the other stories on that page.

I read "I lived with wolves" and it was actually pretty cool.
posted by grobstein at 3:22 PM on March 26, 2011

I read "I lived with wolves" and it was actually pretty cool.

It's not all that cool. Check out Farley Mowat sometime. He actually did live with wolves for a long while, and ate their diet (hint: it wasn't large game), and didn't have to abandon the project because he was starving to death.
posted by hippybear at 3:32 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure what you're implying. Just that you've read something cooler? Hey, okay, thanks for the tip, I like Farley Mowat.

I don't care that this guy is somewhat clueless. Do you think he's lying a lot?
posted by grobstein at 3:37 PM on March 26, 2011

I didn't see this as particularly tabloid-like. An interesting editorial written by a woman who obviously has some nutritional issues. Also, it's the Guardian, a bit better than the National Enquirer.

It is interesting, but a single-link post ought to be something really unique or exceptional. Something like this is better as the starting point for a metafilter FPP, which should also contain links to provide context. Like what 'Monster Munch' is, for non-british readers, or how other people are obsessed with them. That this is a thing, and that it has a name: selective eating disorder. It's also common in the US. There's a support network for it. How it relates to other developmental eating disorders.

It only takes a couple of minutes, and you don't need to be an expert; but you should put some effort into it, not just cut and paste a link and a pull quote.
posted by anigbrowl at 3:40 PM on March 26, 2011 [6 favorites]

I don't tend to carry around a sphere of cynicism which colors my encounters with such things and puts "he's lying" as the first thought in my head...

But yeah, maybe.
posted by hippybear at 3:43 PM on March 26, 2011

2191: Immortal Chip Woman Continues To Say 'I Told You So'
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:58 PM on March 26, 2011 [15 favorites]

Jeez, lady, even I eat a banana or an orange once in a while....
posted by jonmc at 5:00 PM on March 26, 2011

Woyzeck for a new millenium. "THE CHIPS, GENTLEMEN!"
posted by longtime_lurker at 5:19 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

My first thought was " She's gotta have some bad poops.". The second was a mental image of the "Conan yoked to the wheel" scene in the movie.

The human body adapts.

... and at least she's eating _something _.
posted by djrock3k at 5:28 PM on March 26, 2011

God. I've had pizza like three times this week. I'm going to go and buy the shit out of some apples. Fuji apples, easily the king of the apple-fruits. Or would it be queen? Does one refer to an apple as a "she", the same way one refers to a boat?
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:29 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Food. Always good for a hundred comments or so! Let's eat!
posted by kozad at 5:32 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Well I know I'm supposed to blanch at this lady, but for years I ate horrific combo platters, drive thru, sodas, fried food, candy bars (anything with peanut butter in it), and it was lovely. Had my metabolism not dropped off a cliff when I was 23 and gained 30 lbs that summer when I quit smoking, I'd probably keep doing it.

It's going to sound crazy, but sometimes food really pisses me off. I'm one of those jerks who can literally quit smoking any time I want, I barely drink anymore, I don't have an addictive personality with anything EXCEPT junk food; if left alone with a pizza, I will consume all of it faster than you think. I don't even buy snack foods anymore, because I'll house an entire bag of whatever in one sitting. It's not like I'm lazy either; I work out 5 days a week, and I log all my food on livestrong.com, but i always feel like I'm climbing a mountain, that if I slip even once I'm going to fall all the way back to the ground of XXL shirts and sweat pants. Trying to make myself eat healthy or diet is like telling an alcoholic that they HAVE to drink to live, but y'know, just try and only have half of that beer, maybe have a shot on the weekend to celebrate, but NO MORE, oh good luck ignoring all the 24 hour drive thrus, grocery stores and delivery services that are always ready to cheaply and immediately provide you with the ammunition with which you are trying to stop killing yourself.

And it double sucks because as is often discussed on Mefi, being visibly fat or out of shape is the last morality judgment of which even liberals can join in the fun! If you post on your FB that you're going to quit drinking or smoking or whatever, you'll be showered with endless praise! "You made it a whole half hour without a cigarette today! Congrats! I know how hard that is!" Say that you're going to start working out, or eating better, that praise comes with a price: The unspoken disclaimer of "if you don't look like a model in X amount of time, you are weak, and a liar."

I could go on, but I feel that I've already tipped my hand to my own set of disorders. Pardon me, I have a nothing in the oven.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:39 PM on March 26, 2011 [15 favorites]

I think this post was a bit like a train-wreck, you just had to look! ت. I went through a phase where for around six weeks all I wanted to eat was jerky, Mr. Goodbars, coffee with cream and sugar and milk. I knew better than to have this be my exclusive diet do I would go get tacos or a sopapilla with LOTS of salsa and I did drink juice. ThevMr. Goodbar thing was sort of bad. I bought a whole box of them, because I relized it would be cheaper that way.
Eventually I was over it. I did not gain or lose weight. My teeth were fine, because I always was good about brushing.
I still love jerky. I also like suho meso, the Balkans answer to jerky. Sadly really hard to get here. I did get a recipe.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 5:48 PM on March 26, 2011

Her skin looks terrible.
posted by Jacqueline at 6:14 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

"That's because you have scurvy, ma'am."

Supplementing her all-chips diet with Skittles would cure that.
posted by Jacqueline at 6:43 PM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

And every single mefi post has at least one person complaining about how this [insert topic] is something that metafilter doesn't do well, but that's a metatalk for another day.

Every single one?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:21 PM on March 26, 2011

Now I feel better about never eating veggies or fruits. Good to know for when I run out of money again.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:42 PM on March 26, 2011

"Isn't all food bad for you? I've been eating lasagna and muffins every day of my life for 40 years, and I feel terrible."
posted by dirigibleman at 7:45 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

One of my coworkers is a horrible, bitter old man who eats nothing except doughnuts, with a few chips every now and then. He'll come into work with a 12-pack of doughnuts and steadily gum his way through them while slobbering and breathing heavily.

The good news is that the cigarettes are gonna kill him first.
posted by ELF Radio at 7:50 PM on March 26, 2011

I've had a rice crispy bar and a bottle of Mountain Dew Livewire for breakfast nearly every morning for the past 5 years.

I got tired of listening to my Mom telling me how bad it was to skip breakfast.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:56 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

I felt bad for her until the, "at 31 the damage is done."
Not cool, biatch!
posted by Neekee at 7:57 PM on March 26, 2011

Suppose I get bored of eating. Suppose I want to make MEAL once a week or so and, three times a day for the following week, take MEAL out of the fridge and maybe microwave it and eat it. What MEAL is best?
posted by LogicalDash at 8:09 PM on March 26, 2011

Now I can't get the Smiths Crisps jingle out of my head...
posted by queensissy at 8:22 PM on March 26, 2011

Sure, she's being super unhealthy and all, but my overwhelming feeling is pity that she doesn't enjoy all the wonderful foods there are on offer. Creamy cheeses, delectably tender steaks, salty olives, soft chewy breads, juicy crispy apples.....I mean, I love chips and all but eating nothing but seems like torture. We obsess over food too much these days and forget how damn delicious it is. Eat. Enjoy. Relax.
posted by Go Banana at 8:49 PM on March 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Dr.Melik: This morning for breakfast, uh, he requested something called wheat germ, organic honey, and tiger's milk.

Doctor: Oh yes. Those are the charmed substances that some years ago were thought to contain life preserving properties.

Dr. Melik: You mean there was no deep fat? No steak, or cream pies, or hot fudge?

Doctor: Those were thought to be unhealthy. Precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:03 PM on March 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

By the '90s the four main flavours available were: 'Pickled Onion', 'Roast Beef', 'Smokey Bacon' and 'Saucy'.

Can anyone describe the 'saucy' flavor?

We should have a MeFi snack exchange. I would trade Slim Jims for Roast Beef flavored Monster Munch.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:07 PM on March 26, 2011

We should have a MeFi snack exchange. I would trade Slim Jims for Roast Beef flavored Monster Munch.

I did this with a friend once. He sent me a bag of potato chips that were fried in lard. Delicious. Then I took him to the place where you can get french fries fried in duck fat. Also delicious.
posted by gjc at 10:06 PM on March 26, 2011

being visibly fat or out of shape is the last morality judgment of which even liberals can join in the fun!

I think having a socially uncomfortable mental illness may have you beat. Drop "Borderline personality" into a RelationFilter question and watch the knives flash bright and bloody.
posted by edgeways at 10:14 PM on March 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

You now have a tapeworm THIIIS big. Did you really think you could eat that much garbage without any side effects?
posted by Hardcore Poser at 10:23 PM on March 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sounds very much like someone with an autistic spectrum brain and an associated food aversion. The food aversion's been there since childhood and without neurotypical behavioural pressures she didn't adapt to a broader set of textures and tastes. (Some of the internally logical but wrong reasoning -- lifeguards eat peanuts -- is also very autistic spectrum.)

This is pretty common. We're struggling with my son about this now, and many of his relatives on my wife's side retained food aversion/fixation behaviour for a long time. One was slow to accept solid food and ate nothing but specifically prepared peanut butter sandwiches into adulthood. Another will become violently ill from waxy green vegetables.

This woman's health is probably set to tank in the next 20 years unless she changes her diet. These problems will probably start from the inside out, with issues like gallstones and hypertension. Unfortunately, her chances of getting any treatment is non-existent, since these are considered to developmental issues, and not something anybody cares about in adults.
posted by mobunited at 1:35 AM on March 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

"I've been eating two family-size bags [chips/crisps] a day for two years, and little else for the past decade."

Let me guess. Computer programmer, computer magazine columnist, something with computers?
posted by dgaicun at 2:18 AM on March 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

nevercalm - I'd go more for something like

Metafilter: should be a pleasure undiluted with problems like dirty underwear.


L'Estrange Fruit - Someone I know (not a friend of a friend) ended up with actual scurvy from a diet of only hot dogs and chips. We were simultaneously horrified and impressed.

So, scurvy. Yeah. When I was working my first "real" job I was the junior guy who brought our team up to 3 people when we really needed 4. Then thanks to a fairly unpleasant scenario the other 2 guys ended up leaving within fairly close proximity to each other. Sucked to be me, trying to do the work of a 4 person group.

A month or two later, after working 18-ish hour days and living on an almost exclusive diet of caffeine and nicotine, I noticed my gums were bleeding rather often. Made an appointment with my GP, who asked me "what's a young man in this day and age doing with scurvy?". I quit that job and took a break that consisted largely of sleeping, relaxing, and eating well.

And now, 15 years later, it only takes someone who doesn't know that story to mention sailing ships, or anything else tangentially related, and I can be sure that of my friends will pipe up with "yeah, did you know that Russ had scurvy once?".
posted by russm at 5:10 AM on March 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

> Suppose I want to make MEAL once a week or so and, three times a day for the following week, take MEAL out of the fridge and maybe microwave it and eat it. What MEAL is best?

Ah, the long held dream of Bachelor Chow.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:14 AM on March 27, 2011

My dad had a farmer friend who exclusively drank Pepsi and and jar peanut butter with a spoon after his wife passed. This went on for at least 9 years starting at age 50. I have no idea if he is still alive of not.

I also had an acquaintance with scurvy. Teeth became so soft they fell out and she was chewing one before she figured out what it was. /kentucky fried rat
posted by kid_twist at 11:09 AM on March 27, 2011

Well I've just started a diet of nothing but bacon and cheese hotdogs with grilled onions from five guys, so I'll check back in 10 years to tell you guys how it's going.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:37 AM on March 27, 2011

Then I took him to the place where you can get french fries fried in duck fat. Also delicious.

Duck fat fries and tater tots are all the rage lately, but just reading the words together makes my stomach lurch. Maybe because I know logically that fries are fried, but I don't really want to think about who they are fried in.
posted by pinky at 11:44 AM on March 27, 2011

I wonder if you can get people fries anywhere?
posted by grobstein at 1:42 PM on March 27, 2011

I was reading this and happily eating my supper, an then somebody busted out the anal leakage.

Well, there are other sauces available. Next time ask for dressing on the side.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:42 PM on March 27, 2011

Research sez:

''A high-carbohydrate, low-calorie, plant-based diet is the best for long-term health.''

I'd be concerned about the salt.

"Older Okinawans, the study revealed, eat an average of seven servings of vegetables and fruits daily, along with seven servings of grain, two servings of soy products (rich in healthful compounds called flavonoids), fish rich in Omega-3 fatty acids several times a week, and very little dairy products or meat."

Hard to argue with success.
posted by Twang at 5:37 PM on March 27, 2011

this article should be titled: I've only eaten crisps for the past 10 years because I suffer from an eating disorder

I know, IANAD, but she is incapable and terrified of eating any other thing other than potato chips and does not think recovery is possible. That is not funny, that is sad.
posted by inertia at 10:59 PM on March 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Something like this is better as the starting point for a metafilter FPP, which should also contain links to provide context. Like what 'Monster Munch' is, for non-british readers

There are references to things here all the time which mean little to non-American readers. That's what Google's for.

We have a programme over here called Freaky Eaters - which, yes, is as tabloidy as the title suggests but features similar single or handful of food diets.

When I was a first year student, I lost three stone in weight without noticing, due to general unhealthiness and not really weighing myself so having no idea what I was. I didn't notice because I was eating one meal a day, but that meal was a pizza, or a kebab, or a cheese toastie, and all these were 'fat foods' so I couldn't possibly be getting smaller...
posted by mippy at 10:04 AM on March 28, 2011