Sweatin' to the emergency exits

March 30, 2011 8:10 AM

Air New Zealand's new in-flight safety video featuring Richard Simmons. Enjoy.
posted by found missing (53 comments total)

Huh. So Phil from the Amazing Race is from New Zealand? I've been trying to place his sometimes-there accent for years: "Stay tuned for scenes from ah next episode"
posted by chococat at 8:25 AM on March 30, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm waiting for The Flight of the Conchords' version...
posted by schmod at 8:29 AM on March 30, 2011

Serious question: Are the oxygen masks ever used? Have there been instances where the cabin depressurized and it also didn't take the plane down immediately? Same with the under the seat flotation devices. It seems that most plane accidents are rather catastrophic.
posted by geoff. at 8:29 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

Same with the under the seat flotation devices. It seems that most plane accidents are rather catastrophic.

Most != all. There was a rather famous non-catastrophic water landing just recently in fact.
posted by DU at 8:33 AM on March 30, 2011

I've always been under the impression that the life jackets and oxygen masks were the equivalent of running from a Grizzly Bear. If nothing else, they at least give you something to do for the last few seconds of your life.
posted by Tavern at 8:33 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

Emergency sudoku puzzles?
posted by phaedon at 8:36 AM on March 30, 2011

I've always been under the impression that the life jackets and oxygen masks were the equivalent of running from a Grizzly Bear. If nothing else, they at least give you something to do for the last few seconds of your life.

A cabin could depressurise without catastrophic effects pretty easily. It doesn't mean half the plane is missing, just enough that pressure can't be maintained - so a blown or leaking window would easily do that. At 35,000 feet you can't breathe atmospheric air and survive - you'd not get enough oxygen.

So even if the pressurising equipment failed (so no structural issue at all), everyone could die/faint/suffer oxygen deprivation effects before the plane could get down to a safe altitude and breathable air.
posted by Brockles at 8:42 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

Of the 517 pressurization failure events world wide from 1975 - 2004 only one resulted in fatalities, even two involved structual failure (the door fell off in one, part of the fuselage ripped away in the other). Here is an article from Avation Safety World's October 2006 issue. In the one incident with fatalities the pressurization system failed silently and the crew/passengers went in to hypoxia/passed out and eventually crashed after flying 3 hours and 47 minutes on auto pilot.
posted by ChrisHartley at 8:45 AM on March 30, 2011 [23 favorites]

"'In the unlikely event of a water landing . . .' Well, what exactly is a water landing? Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar to CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN!? '. . . your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device.' Well, imagine that, my seat cushion... Just what I need -- to float around the North Atlantic for several days -- clinging to a pillow full of beer farts..."
-George Carlin
posted by brevator at 8:47 AM on March 30, 2011 [2 favorites]

517 events! 100+ from 2000-2004. You never hear about these things, you'd think they'd make the news.
posted by geoff. at 8:53 AM on March 30, 2011

Serious question: Are the oxygen masks ever used? Have there been instances where the cabin depressurized and it also didn't take the plane down immediately? Same with the under the seat flotation devices. It seems that most plane accidents are rather catastrophic.


Yes. It happened to me on a flight from Philadelphia to Atlanta, three years ago. While near cruising altitude, I suddenly felt a cold draft around my feet. A few seconds after that, my ears popped, which doesn't usually happen at altitude. I thought to myself "something is VERY wrong here" and there was a loud click, and the masks dropped from the ceiling. We landed without incident in Norfolk, where we were told that an air conditioning compressor failed causing the loss of pressure. While we were on the ground waiting for our replacement plane, I talked to one of the FAs, who told me that he'd never seen the masks deployed n nearly 20 years as a flight attendant. The airline happened to have an empty plane of similar size sitting 2 gates down, and we were back on our way to Atlanta about 3 hours later.
posted by deadmessenger at 8:56 AM on March 30, 2011 [7 favorites]

Here's a picture I took while we were sitting on the ground waiting to deplane.
posted by deadmessenger at 9:00 AM on March 30, 2011 [6 favorites]

Simmons is looking good!
posted by cman at 9:02 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

517 events! 100+ from 2000-2004. You never hear about these things, you'd think they'd make the news.

Given the volume of commercial flights, that's still a vanishingly small number. Plus like others are saying they're generally not that big a deal. Something unexpected but non-catastrophic happens, cabin loses pressure or air, the masks drop, people put them on and the plane lands. Scary but most often unremarkable. The equivalent of being on a Greyhound bus when it experiences a blowout.
posted by penduluum at 9:02 AM on March 30, 2011

517 events! 100+ from 2000-2004. You never hear about these things, you'd think they'd make the news.

personally I think the news cycle is already filled up with enough panic-the-masses stories (OMFG RADIATION) I'm perfectly fine without a monthly..

YET ANOTHER PRESSURE FAILURE, WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW TO KEEP FROM DIEING HORRIBLE IN THE AIR, UP NEXT... but first, $_celeb acts crazzzzzy amirite?
posted by edgeways at 9:03 AM on March 30, 2011

"In the one incident with fatalities the pressurization system failed silently and the crew/passengers went in to hypoxia/passed out and eventually crashed after flying 3 hours and 47 minutes on auto pilot."

That happened to a famous golfer flying in a private jet several years ago. Plane wouldn't respond so I think a military jet was sent up to investigate and the crew and passengers were all dead from lack of oxygen and the plane was just cruising along on autopilot.
posted by puny human at 9:05 AM on March 30, 2011

That happened to a famous golfer flying in a private jet several years ago. Plane wouldn't respond so I think a military jet was sent up to investigate and the crew and passengers were all dead from lack of oxygen and the plane was just cruising along on autopilot.

This sounds like a Twilight Zone episode.
posted by device55 at 9:08 AM on March 30, 2011

here it is -- "October 25, 1999: Professional Golfer Payne Stewart died when his Learjet Model 35 crashed near Aberdeen, South Dakota. The airplane departed Orlando, Florida, for Dallas, Texas. Radio contact with the flight was lost north of Gainesville, Florida.

The airplane was intercepted by several Air Force and Air National Guard aircraft as it proceeded northwest-bound. The military pilots in a position to observe the accident airplane at close range stated (in interviews or via radio transmissions) that the forward windshields of the Learjet seemed to be frosted or covered with condensation. The military pilots could not see into the cabin. The military pilots observed the airplane depart controlled flight and spiral to the ground, impacting an open field. All six were killed. The cause was the explosive decompression of the aircraft's cabin, resulting in the loss of consciousness for the occupants."
posted by puny human at 9:27 AM on March 30, 2011

@puny human:

here's that story
posted by luvcraft at 9:28 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

ah, you found it too. :)
posted by luvcraft at 9:29 AM on March 30, 2011

deadmessenger: "Yes. It happened to me on a flight from Philadelphia to Atlanta, three years ago. While near cruising altitude, I suddenly felt a cold draft around my feet."

I, for one, am happy that this is NOT eponysterical.
posted by yiftach at 9:34 AM on March 30, 2011 [2 favorites]

The Payne Stewart incident ...

I remember this incident well. It was very weird, because the media had caught the story long before the crash, so amid all the other news of the day, there was always a "progress report" on Payne Stewart's lost flight, with the general impression offered that all on board were probably already dead.
posted by philip-random at 9:38 AM on March 30, 2011

Oh wow, I must amend my earlier comment. The 517 events from 1975 - 2004 were in Australia, not world-wide.
posted by ChrisHartley at 9:40 AM on March 30, 2011

OMG I love Richard Simmons.
posted by ericost at 9:46 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

well, it certainly beats the delta airlines one with the woman with the horrible mannequin face
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 9:58 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

Tyler Durden: "Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows. "
posted by ninjew at 10:08 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

I've always appreciated Mr. Simmons' enthusiasm, but his shorts are way too short and waaaay too loose. I'm constantly thinking that something's about to dangle...nobody needs to see that.
posted by Kelly Tulsa at 10:09 AM on March 30, 2011

I was going to say something about how tough it is to make this necessary information entertaining and to get flyers to pay attention, and how clever and fun I thought this was, but now I'm haunted... haunted... by the very idea of... something dangling.

*shakes fist at Kelly Tulsa, settles in for long afternoon of disturbing mental imagery*
posted by kinnakeet at 10:14 AM on March 30, 2011

+1 for what ever marketing guy thought of that idea, I just watched a flight safety video and I am not flying. I don't watch them when I am flying.
posted by Felex at 10:15 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was thinking bout Mr. Simmons' shorts, too. Where does he get them? I thought they stopped making shorts like that way back in the early '80s - Maybe he planned ahead well enough to stockpile a warehouse full of them. Maybe he has them made especially for him. Maybe they are the same shorts he's had for years. In any event, they are horrible.

And re: his dangling anatomy - I'll bet he wears something underneath the shorts to keep himself 'tucked in'.
posted by Pecinpah at 10:23 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

Serious question: Are the oxygen masks ever used?

I used to be part of an in-shore lifeboat crew - we would tend to give any casualty oxygen while we took them ashore. This is because oxygen therapy is good not only for those suffering from lack of oxygen in the air but also from a range of other problems such as trauma, hemorrhage, convulsions, shock. It is also cheap and has few down sides. Any of the above conditions could apply for some passengers after an accident on a plane - and even for those who might have no medical need for it it gives people something to do to help them stop worrying. Plus it can have a placebo effect.
posted by rongorongo at 10:51 AM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry, you mean, starring PHIL KOEGHAN!!!! I love Richard Simmons too though. His goofy shorts, hair and most of all compassion for people.

I'm reading The Unthinkable right now. One of the author's points is that safety information tells us what to do and not why. Don't inflate your vest! why? because it makes it harder to get out! why put on your mask first? Because you've got only a few seconds to do so before you pass out! Why leave your luggage? Because if you don't, you may kill someone by hindering their exit!

The airlines of course don't want to frighten their passengers, but they could do a better job explaining why they make the announcements they do. Using Richard Simmons and Phil (swoooooooon) at least gets us to pay attention which is an improvement!
posted by vespabelle at 10:51 AM on March 30, 2011

well, it certainly beats the delta airlines one with the woman with the horrible mannequin face
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER

Yeah... I thought that one was worthy of a Front Page Post. People now hate me.
posted by The Deej at 10:52 AM on March 30, 2011 [2 favorites]

The last time we heard about ANZ safety videos, they featured actual employees demostrating their -- equipment -- wearing only body paint.

Thankfully, they didn't combine this publicity campaign with that previous one.
posted by Herodios at 11:00 AM on March 30, 2011

Umm, does Richard Simmons paint his hairline on now? I get that he's aging, just like the rest of us, but the coastline of his hair under that wispy puffball seems oddly dark and regular.
posted by sonascope at 11:15 AM on March 30, 2011

I absolutely adore that man.
posted by brand-gnu at 11:36 AM on March 30, 2011

Ai caramba! I fly so much in Canada that I can repeat Air Canada's and WestJet's safety briefings from memory and I am close to able to do it with Porter's as well. If they were all conducted by that shrieking muppet, I would take the train a lot more.

That said, I would be faintly curious to hear Simmons exhorting people in French.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:49 AM on March 30, 2011

In related news: the flight crews at Qantas are non-too-happy with their new "cringe-worthy" in-flight safety video which stars John Travolta.

John Travolta's Qantas Video Introduction Upsets Flight Crews | video.
posted by ericb at 11:53 AM on March 30, 2011

Well this is a thread with a tag that contains "newzealand". So saying something like "

NEW ZEALAND RULES!!!

" is destined to be favorited.

Also, safety precautions are good to have even though everyone thinks they know everything about flying on a plane because they go to see their partner in washington every weekend from portland.

Also...richard simmons has never looked good...actually, I can say the same thing by saying "Richard Simmons only looks great when he's wearing pants".
posted by hal_c_on at 11:55 AM on March 30, 2011

This is so winning.
posted by punkfloyd at 11:58 AM on March 30, 2011

Gotta love Richard Simmons' recurring appearances with David Letterman:

Richard Simmons' Exploding Steamer.

Richard Simmons on David Letterman.

Richard Simmons on David Letterman.

Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview Segment with Richard Simmons.

Late Show with David Letterman writer Matt Roberts talks about having Richard Simmons as a guest and collaborator on the show with the unscripted pranks and jokes they set up for him.

posted by ericb at 12:03 PM on March 30, 2011

Yeah, I was half-expecting Letterman to jump out and demonstrate a fire extinguisher on Simmons.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:05 PM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

You have to watch Richard Simmons' appearance on 'Whose Line Is It, Anyways.'
posted by ericb at 12:07 PM on March 30, 2011 [10 favorites]

The audience and performers "lose it" in that WLIIA appearance.
posted by ericb at 12:12 PM on March 30, 2011

*Anyway*
posted by ericb at 12:18 PM on March 30, 2011

Herodios, I'm glad to see I wasn't the only one thinking "Dear merciful heavens, don't let him be naked."
posted by eritain at 1:09 PM on March 30, 2011

I was always curious about the Simmons/Letterman relationship. Does Letterman actually hate him? I mean is Simmons just there because the bosses or producers or whatever have insisted on it? Because the couple of clips I've seen, it really seems that Letterman loathes the guy. Has Simmons been on Late Night recently?
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:54 PM on March 30, 2011

So Phil from the Amazing Race is from New Zealand?

Phil's mum was my typing teacher in high school.
posted by gaspode at 6:48 PM on March 30, 2011

Be cool to bump into Phil if he's ever talking about typing teachers. "Your mom's a typing teacher!" you could say.
posted by tumid dahlia at 9:14 PM on March 30, 2011

I got dibs on the disco airplane.
posted by XhaustedProphet at 10:09 PM on March 30, 2011

Air New Zealand likes to have fun with their safety videos, whether it's featuring their national rugby team the All Blacks, or proving they have nothing to hide.
posted by Not The Stig at 10:22 PM on March 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

Speaking of...
posted by hal_c_on at 2:27 PM on April 1, 2011

Also speaking of...
posted by Mahogne at 4:12 AM on April 2, 2011