Science museum adds to membership

April 12, 2011 7:38 PM

``Several people had pledged their penises over the years — including an American, a Briton, and a German — but Arason's was the first to be successfully donated, Hjartarson said.''

``Sigurdur Hjartarson, who runs the Phallological Museum in the tiny Icelandic fishing town of Húsavík, said Arason's organ will help round out the unusual institution's extensive collection of phalluses from whales, seals, bears and other mammals...

``"I have just been waiting for this guy for 15 years," he told The Associated Press in a brief telephone interview.''

posted by Blazecock Pileon (40 comments total)

I want to interject, at this point, that this is a SERIOUS post about a SERIOUS topic. Please do not degrade it with 5,000 penis jokes... please...

that said...

ready...set....go!
posted by tomswift at 7:40 PM on April 12, 2011

It's just too bad John Holmes is no longer with us.
posted by jonmc at 7:40 PM on April 12, 2011

An American, A Briton, and a German walk into a penis museum....
posted by tomswift at 7:41 PM on April 12, 2011

...and so the American says to the German, "That's a whale of a phallus!"
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 7:42 PM on April 12, 2011

Can't I just contribute to the sciences by cruising the research library?
posted by hermitosis at 7:42 PM on April 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

I bet this place smells like the urine trough at any ballpark in the usa.
posted by hal_c_on at 7:44 PM on April 12, 2011

What a total dick move.

literally speaking
posted by LSK at 7:44 PM on April 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Bell-end Jar
posted by ShutterBun at 7:48 PM on April 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think it might have been linked in an FPP before, but I was reminded of this Harpers article about penis thievery.
posted by Forktine at 7:51 PM on April 12, 2011

The first time I read this I read "donated" as "detonated".
posted by BeerFilter at 8:02 PM on April 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I Pledge my penis all the time, to keep it shiny and streak-free.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:04 PM on April 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Whale penis you say?
posted by tomswift at 8:05 PM on April 12, 2011

So, it's the History Wing of Historic Wangs.
posted by George Clooney at 8:06 PM on April 12, 2011

We here at the Phallological museum... *pauses to take off and clean glasses* ... have been lusting for some man cock for 15 years to fill the needful hole in our exhibit.
posted by BrotherCaine at 8:07 PM on April 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Spoiler: They don't tell you how big it is.
posted by pts at 8:13 PM on April 12, 2011

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.

But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.
posted by u2604ab at 8:13 PM on April 12, 2011 [8 favorites]

you sold it to buy drugs.
posted by jonmc at 8:15 PM on April 12, 2011

In fairness it did feel like a rolled-up bundle of warm, slightly damp fifties.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:17 PM on April 12, 2011

As I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.
posted by u2604ab at 8:26 PM on April 12, 2011

My penis is a permanent touring exhibit if you know what I'm sayin'!*


---
*I don't know what I'm saying
posted by mazola at 8:28 PM on April 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Obligatory (As referenced by u2604ab)
posted by troll on a pony at 8:32 PM on April 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Mine is by appointment only. By which I mean, I need to make an appointment to have somebody look at it.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:42 PM on April 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

penii
posted by HeroZero at 9:09 PM on April 12, 2011

Deep.
posted by SPrintF at 9:21 PM on April 12, 2011

Cold, too.
posted by SPrintF at 9:21 PM on April 12, 2011

"penii"

penes
posted by Eideteker at 9:32 PM on April 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm giving mine to Ruskin College, as they wanted an illustrative example of the pathetic phallusy.
posted by Abiezer at 9:34 PM on April 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Was John Dillinger's penis not available?
posted by Rarebit Fiend at 9:49 PM on April 12, 2011

I Pledge my penis all the time, to keep it shiny and streak-free.

That really seems like a job for Steve Martin's Penis Beauty Creme if you ask me.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:49 PM on April 12, 2011

This is why I belong to MetaFilter.
posted by oneironaut at 10:01 PM on April 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

There's only one thing in the universe that calls me before noon on a Saturday, so I just picked up the phone, held it to my ear, and waited.

"Hi," my penis finally said.

"Hi," I said, and waited again.

"Look," it said, "I'm not asking to be bailed out, I'm not in some fleabag motel in Vegas with some floozy whose name I don't remember with a brand-new cubic zirconia on her left hand, and I swear I haven't locked myself in the bathroom of some dive in Nebraska while a biker named Smegma Dave hammers on the door and yells that nobody rides for free."

I sat up with my hand over my eyes while the sheets rustled next to me. "Well, it sounds like someone is turning over all sorts of new leaves."

"Look, I've done some thinking."

"Mmm-hmm."

"No, seriously. I've met some good people on the way, no wannabe gurus or stealth Mormons or people who want to sign me up for Amway. Just simple people leading simple lives of truth and quiet beauty. I wanted to drink and use, but I moved through it. I finally achieved that true moment of clarity that I've been secretly searching for."

"You and Tiger Blood Charlie, right?"

"Dude, c'mon. At least give me credit for being the one who bitched or left the room whenever someone switched the channel to Two and a Half Men."

"...OK, I can't take that away from you. And?"

"And I'm just dealing with my own shit. I didn't call to make a big announcement about it, I just wanted to let you know, you know... if you were wondering... look, I didn't want to make a big thing of this, but I think that it will be a sort of indefinite break for us, and I don't expect... you know, you to wait or anything."

"Yeah, uh, OK. I kind of figured."

"Oh, good. Thanks. Really, thanks. Listen, I don't mean to cut this short, but the waves here are just amazingly tubular, and I've got this incredibly straight-edge hardbody surfer chick who's waiting... I'll send a postcard with an address that you can send my stuff to, OK?"

I looked out the window. Not that it mattered in the Midwest, but it was hardly surfing weather out there. My penis' "stuff" would probably fit in a shoebox. "OK, dude. Have a great life."

"You too, man. Peace out."

I hung up and looked at the penis next to me. It was neither a grower nor a shower, but had a certain lopsided charm.

"So," I said, "still looking for a permanent place in the city?"
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:02 PM on April 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

I came here to do something, but I see troll on a pony has beaten me to it. Carry on.
posted by hippybear at 11:46 PM on April 12, 2011

oh, that poor penis museum. i'm certain those donors made their bequests out of concern that the museum might not be able to find a human specimen, not out of a desire to expose themselves for eternity.
posted by dunkadunc at 2:53 AM on April 13, 2011

As a Brit, I'd just like to say that my penis is, on average, bigger than all of your American penises, on average. And if there are any average Hungarians here they can piss off. Although they'd better stand back a bit first.
posted by Decani at 3:40 AM on April 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Uh.
posted by These Penises Are Alarmed at 4:15 AM on April 13, 2011

posted by Blazecock Pileon

Eponysterical?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 4:18 AM on April 13, 2011

Now that they've moved the museum to Húsavík, I'll probably never get to see it. It looks like it's more or less as far as you can get away from anywhere in Iceland while still being on the coast.
posted by lodurr at 5:30 AM on April 13, 2011

I wish it was a petting zoo.
posted by I love you more when I eat paint chips at 6:30 AM on April 13, 2011

Baculum? Darn near killed 'em!
posted by Zozo at 8:05 AM on April 13, 2011

The museum's website has a list of Honorary Members.
posted by rusty at 8:59 AM on April 13, 2011