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I'd love to watch Gary take it all off !
April 26, 2011 9:12 AM   Subscribe


 
Happy birthday cortex.
posted by The Whelk at 9:13 AM on April 26, 2011 [11 favorites]


give me back the ham spam
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 9:14 AM on April 26, 2011 [8 favorites]


Too hot for the web.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:14 AM on April 26, 2011


If the tag "80'smulletdancesilly" wasn't so informative I would be complaining that this post wasn't informative enough.
posted by ardgedee at 9:19 AM on April 26, 2011


No no no no no no. Did not want.
posted by elwoodwiles at 9:19 AM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


I read this post in the voice of the Apeture Science pa announcer. In my head it has the same ugentcy as "warning, core breach imminent"
posted by hellojed at 9:20 AM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


My next music video will look exactly like this.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:25 AM on April 26, 2011


Prepare yourself for the erotic 80s porno dance. Deploying erotic 80s prono dance.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 AM on April 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


I couldn't get a good look, someone watch this again and tell me, are those knee-high slouch socks with those high heels, or legwarmers?
posted by EvaDestruction at 9:26 AM on April 26, 2011


*Sits down at table, takes small, rectangular, metal box out of pocket*

Ahhhh, "Man with mullet performing erotic 80's porno movie dance gyration thingy." Surely that's just a metaphor. Surely that can't be what's inside...

*Opens box, light shines in face ala` Pulp Fiction briefcase*

Oh... oh my God, it's true. It does what it says on the tin. IT DOES WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN!!

*This happens*
posted by codacorolla at 9:27 AM on April 26, 2011 [5 favorites]


> I couldn't get a good look, someone watch this again and tell me

You realize that's like knocking on your neighbor's door and asking them to come over and clean up your cat's vomit, right?
posted by Burhanistan at 9:28 AM on April 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


gimme a dollar.
posted by clavdivs at 9:28 AM on April 26, 2011


this chamber is designed to test the limits of human sexual response.
posted by The Whelk at 9:30 AM on April 26, 2011 [5 favorites]


Neurotoxin deployed. Cerebellar ataxia will progress to suffocation by mullet in 5 minutes.
posted by benzenedream at 9:30 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'll tell you about my mother....
posted by lumpenprole at 9:30 AM on April 26, 2011


Hams are usually served at room temperature, or sometimes chilled but almost never hot.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 9:31 AM on April 26, 2011 [5 favorites]


said ginger lynn
posted by clavdivs at 9:32 AM on April 26, 2011


SLYTelf-linking, eh ?
posted by y2karl at 9:33 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Hey, look, I was young and I needed the money.
posted by LMGM at 9:34 AM on April 26, 2011


I'm not sure if it was the lack of tan, lighting, camera or a combination of all three, but his pants seemed to be glowing around the edges. Obviously, I will never, ever watch that clip again so I can't be sure.
posted by joboe at 9:36 AM on April 26, 2011


I suppose he made the moist of it.
posted by Kabanos at 9:37 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


about two minutes and forty one seconds too long
posted by Redhush at 9:37 AM on April 26, 2011


In case that wasn't enough 80's mullet action for you, there's also the Sexy sax man Careless Whisper prank. SFW, NSF those susceptible to earworms.
posted by usonian at 9:38 AM on April 26, 2011 [8 favorites]


I think I just got an ironic semi. So confused.
posted by naju at 9:42 AM on April 26, 2011 [5 favorites]


This is why Bree Olson split from Charlie Sheen.
posted by longbaugh at 9:43 AM on April 26, 2011


My wife is gonna see some new foreplay tonight!
posted by oddman at 9:52 AM on April 26, 2011 [10 favorites]


I like the fact that everyone seems so totally disinterested in what's happening. The director, Gary, the chick. Everybody's got some other place they'd rather be. Presumably even the masturbating viewer.
posted by codacorolla at 9:59 AM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


Mods are asleep! Post pictures of ham!
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:00 AM on April 26, 2011


Funnily enough "Ham Shank" is cockney ryhming slang for both having a wank and for Yank.
posted by longbaugh at 10:02 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


I wonder what this guy is doing now. I wonder, but I don't really want to know, just in case he's a congressman or a judge or something.
posted by ob at 10:03 AM on April 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


the 80s.
posted by Sailormom at 10:06 AM on April 26, 2011


Why don't white people have rhythm?

Yeah, those leg warmers were glaringly white.
posted by nickyskye at 10:17 AM on April 26, 2011


He should probably get an MRI or something. That compulsive twitching only vaguely in time to the music surely foreshadows something about to let go in his brain.
posted by fatbird at 10:21 AM on April 26, 2011


That lady deserves some sort of acting award for not busting out with laughter. You could tell that she wanted to.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:27 AM on April 26, 2011


Check for Lupus.
posted by Splunge at 10:32 AM on April 26, 2011


Oh, God, it's me! I thought I destroyed every copy!
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:32 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


I feel, feel, feel, feel his heat.
posted by orme at 10:39 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


That frightened my penis.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:52 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is like that time I caught my pants on my shoes, tried to turn it into a sexy dance, and woke up in the ER...
posted by Blasdelb at 11:00 AM on April 26, 2011


You can mock him all you like, but I guarantee you he got laid.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:08 AM on April 26, 2011 [4 favorites]


Finally, something to make The Human Centipede seem classy.
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:14 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Is it just me, or does he have a seemingly 80'S BILL MURRAY quality about him?
posted by gcbv at 11:19 AM on April 26, 2011


Needs more bow in his chicka-bow-bow.
posted by ooga_booga at 11:23 AM on April 26, 2011


I'm offended by the music.
posted by philip-random at 11:23 AM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


Oh... oh my God, it's true. It does what it says on the tin. IT DOES WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN!!

*This happens*


Could be worse.

I'm offended by the music.

I know. Really ought to have been "Powerhouse."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:30 AM on April 26, 2011


Dad? Dad? DAAADDD!
posted by jenkinsEar at 11:32 AM on April 26, 2011


You think the bass is taking away from the vocal?
posted by rhizome at 11:43 AM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


The woman looks embarrassed, like she got there by accident. "You say this is a pornographic movie? I thought we were going on a picnic?"
posted by hungrytiger at 11:46 AM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


Wait, what's the opposite of erotic? This is that.
posted by electroboy at 11:49 AM on April 26, 2011 [3 favorites]


I'd say it's more like the Chinese Whispers version of erotic.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:02 PM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


I dunno, I haven't dated a man yet who didn't have some version of this routine that he'd launch into at the slightest (read: no) provocation. In fact, for a "professional" stripper, I'd say that his tiny pelvic thrusts are unforgivably sloppy, and that he has some serious practicing to do.
posted by myownlostrib at 12:46 PM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


YT Doubler

But here's how:

[1] Pause both videos until they are both ready to go.

[2] Turn the volume off on the right hand side, so you get all the audio from the left,

[3] profit!
posted by stonepharisee at 12:51 PM on April 26, 2011 [4 favorites]


You know, when I think of the eighties, I get a lot of different images in my head:

Sunny suburbs where each home was like the citadel of an empire in the last days of its prime.

Presidential addresses from Reagan at night in front of garish curtains where the Oval Office was lit way too brightly and unnaturally.

Burger King Kids Clubâ„¢ glasses in everyone's cupboards.

Dark offices in glass skyscrapers where men in suits drank low-balls at night a la the asshole dude in Die Hard.

New Wave cassettes littering the floors of my brothers' cars.

Michael Jackson and Madonna songs blasting in mall stores where everything was made of brick-glass.

Somehow I always forget that this was a part of that too. I don't think I needed the reminder.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:04 PM on April 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


IT DOES WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN!!

So said a blacksmith from Berlin,
"It does what it says on the tin.
When you consent, prithee,
To come with a smithy,
Paid with the wages of Sn."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:15 PM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


I prefer Benny Hill
posted by rhizome at 1:30 PM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


oh no! not the bennyhillifier!
posted by dougzilla at 1:49 PM on April 26, 2011


Seemed appropriate.
posted by rhizome at 1:51 PM on April 26, 2011


I'm Bad Company and I'm ready for love.

Ready for your love.
posted by pianomover at 1:53 PM on April 26, 2011


Nice strip but he didn't really go the full monty
posted by Sexy Motherfucker at 1:59 PM on April 26, 2011


You might want to go the Tubedubber route, stonepharisee.
posted by Kattullus at 3:14 PM on April 26, 2011


If she'd crossed her legs any tighter in response, they would have melded together and formed a flipper.
posted by zylocomotion at 3:54 PM on April 26, 2011 [6 favorites]


I'll be in my bunk. Crying.
posted by loquacious at 7:04 PM on April 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


Collapsed
posted by Dodecadermaldenticles at 7:49 PM on April 26, 2011


See that bloke with the mullet and the orange underpants? That's your Dad, that is.
posted by essexjan at 10:35 PM on April 26, 2011


...and I just found my new ringtone.
posted by ostranenie at 11:50 PM on April 26, 2011


That is so of a time.
posted by PHINC at 2:25 AM on April 27, 2011


That's the Moistmaker? My opinion of Ross Gellar & his "sandwich" have been forever altered.
posted by ShutterBun at 10:13 PM on April 27, 2011


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