ACCESS GRANTED
April 27, 2011 4:04 AM Subscribe

Hacker Typer - Now you can look like you're doing something important on your computer, like you've always wanted to! (hit hack and just start bashing at your keyboard)
posted by azarbayejani (71 comments total) 53 users marked this as a favorite

Cool.

Now what the hell does 'gidsetsize' mean?
posted by bwg at 4:13 AM on April 27, 2011

gid probably means "Gui ID" or Graphics ID.
It'll be a link to an onscreen component (textbox, bitmap, etc).
gidSetSize will change the size of it.
posted by seanyboy at 4:17 AM on April 27, 2011

Why is this SO FUN?
posted by Jon_Evil at 4:17 AM on April 27, 2011 [11 favorites]

Hollywood is gonna love this.
posted by lampshade at 4:20 AM on April 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

Now what the hell does 'gidsetsize' mean?

Linux Kernel speak for group ID set size .
posted by RichardP at 4:20 AM on April 27, 2011

Ah no.
Looking at the source, a gid is the ID of a group. (some in-memory strructure)
gidsetsize is a variable saying what the new size of that group is, and is passed to an allocation function.

I'm not sure about this though. C (or is it C++) is not my language.
posted by seanyboy at 4:21 AM on April 27, 2011

/dons dark sunglasses in parent's basement
posted by DU at 4:24 AM on April 27, 2011

Hollywood is gonna love this.

They'll still have to dub in "boop" and "beep" and "wheedle lee lee lee lee lee lee lee" noises though.
posted by NoMich at 4:32 AM on April 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

And modem sounds, even though nobody has used a dialup modem in 10 years.

Also: Every time I get the urge to look at kernel source code I give up when I see the 8 space tab setting. Why do they hate screen real estate so much?
posted by DU at 4:36 AM on April 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

Doesn't work.on.mobiles
posted by Joe Chip at 4:42 AM on April 27, 2011

I wish I still worked in an office so that I could use this and scare my colleagues into thinking that I suddenly loved my job.
posted by joboe at 4:46 AM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

All it needs to do is pop up some windows with scrolling text in them and it's set to go for Hollywood!
posted by tommasz at 4:58 AM on April 27, 2011

this will come in handy, thank you >:-}
posted by helion at 4:59 AM on April 27, 2011

wait guys, what if this thing is actually tricking us into becoming part of a botnet? I think I may be hacking for real here.
posted by orme at 5:07 AM on April 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

No shit, I once saw a guy programming at a terminal back in the 80's who really could write C that fast.
posted by telstar at 5:08 AM on April 27, 2011

Why do they hate screen real estate so much?

I think it was Linus himself who said something along the lines of "if you need more than three levels of indentation you need to break stuff down more".
posted by symbollocks at 5:14 AM on April 27, 2011

DB Error, overload!!!! Crap, system crashed :/
posted by nimsey lou at 5:19 AM on April 27, 2011

I definitely agree that more than 3 levels of indentation is asking for trouble. That said, 80 - 3*8 = 56 and many simple functions combined with math operators are going to be longer than that.


if (a) {                                                                                                                                                    
        for (i=0; i&lt<b; i++) {                                                                                                                            
                if (q) {                                                                                                                                    
                        myvar = reasonable_function(foo) + another_reasonable_name(bar);                                                                    
                }                                                                                                                                           
        }                                                                                                                                                   
 }

Column 80 is at the 'm' in another_reasonable_name. Sure, line continuation. But it's harder to read and a much simpler fix that is ALSO easier to read is to just not be so wasteful of horizontal space.
posted by DU at 5:25 AM on April 27, 2011

Is it weird that I find this rather soothing?
posted by 8dot3 at 5:25 AM on April 27, 2011

Wooo!
posted by limeonaire at 5:28 AM on April 27, 2011

I'd probably get fired for writing spaghetti code.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:28 AM on April 27, 2011

I don't know anything about programming, but I've seen a lot of movies. This looks legit.
posted by elmer benson at 5:34 AM on April 27, 2011 [11 favorites]

A friend of mine got a player piano a couple years back. I went over to his place for a small party, where I discovered that he'd already been drinking for a significant portion of the afternoon. "Oh, lemme show you what we got!" he said. He sat down at the player piano, cracked his knuckles, and chuckled, "Guess I'll just tickle the ol' ivories!"; he then wiggled his fingers above the keys as if he was playing them, while the piano plunked out a song, grinning at me with raised eyebrows, as if to say "Pretty fucking cool, my friend, yes yes?". I smiled and told him the new piano sure was neat, all right.

About ten minutes later, some other friends of his walked in. "Oh, lemme show you what we got!" he said to them. He sat down at the player piano, cracked his knuckles, and chuckled, "Guess I'll just tickle the ol' ivories!" It was clear that he was just pleased as punch to be able to do this for every new person who entered the household.

Anyway, I have a feeling that this Hacker Typer program is going to be my version of that.
posted by Greg Nog at 5:35 AM on April 27, 2011 [11 favorites]

People, it's not #00FF00, it's more like #33AA33. Why can nobody ever get this right?! Also more people need to use amber. Amber monochrome was ten times better.
posted by sonic meat machine at 5:36 AM on April 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

"Look Honey, I'm a Swordfish"

Am I doing it right?
posted by arcticseal at 5:42 AM on April 27, 2011

Consider your Gibson hacked.
posted by longbaugh at 5:51 AM on April 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is the first time I've ever typed a full page without typoing and having to backtrack to correct the mistake. My hacker self is also courteous enough to comment his code for my non-hacker self's benefit. I like beginning a new day with this unusual feeling of... capability.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 6:00 AM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Somebody needs to combine this with the guy who designs fictional software for movies. (previously)
posted by msbrauer at 6:11 AM on April 27, 2011

I made the text orange so I could nostalgize perfectly.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:13 AM on April 27, 2011

If you write in an object-oriented programming language, you're looking at three levels of indentation after one if statement:

public class Example {
    public static void Main(String[] args) {
        Integer x = 1;

        if (x == 1) {
            System.out.println("See?");
        }
    }
}

And that's why four spaces (not tabs) is the One True Indentation Style.
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:20 AM on April 27, 2011 [9 favorites]

Well - that was fun for about 3 seconds...
posted by cinemafiend at 6:21 AM on April 27, 2011

While I sympathize, I think that's really more an(other) example why object-oriented programming is for the birds.
posted by DU at 6:24 AM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Well, DU, I don't want to start a flamewar or anything, but I will note that the situation isn't much better within functional languages. Look at a Haskell source file for real hideousness. Or, if you prefer procedural languages, there's PHP, the Cthulhu of code organization.
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:27 AM on April 27, 2011

This was not what I expected it to be. I want gigantic boxes that say things like "ACCESS GRANTED" and "SEARCHING CIA DATABASE—WARNING, TOP SECRET", pointless rotating DNA helixes, progress bars that tell me exactly how long it will take to crack the Pentagon's password, and lots of things being zoomed and enhanced. Also, there should be lots of blittery bleep twip twerp noises, and an improbably attractive spy lady peering at the screen over my shoulder.
posted by ixohoxi at 6:28 AM on April 27, 2011 [21 favorites]

Tabs are basically an end-run around the indentation problem. The viewer (hacker? whatev) can set them to the size appropriate to the nestedness of the code. If you can't be arsed to configure your text editor to change the display size of tabs, um, this is a situation where laziness is NOT a virtue.
posted by LogicalDash at 6:31 AM on April 27, 2011 [5 favorites]

I AM SMART!
posted by fuzzypantalones at 6:33 AM on April 27, 2011

I re-routed the backdoor and snuck into the database where I inserted a worm virus with my 512-bit warez.

I am eleventy-billion dollars richer now.

signed "Count Ice Zero Cool Acid Heart Burn Reflux"

*flashing skull .bmp and looping laughing .midi*
posted by longbaugh at 6:42 AM on April 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

Clients are so cute, aren't they?
posted by ixohoxi at 6:44 AM on April 27, 2011 [13 favorites]

Tabs are basically an end-run around the indentation problem.

Exactly. Three levels deep = three tabs. You can display a tab however you want to (though displaying a tab as 0 spaces is probably not helpful, much.)

And that's why four spaces (not tabs) is the One True Indentation Style.

And proving, again, why any phrase starting with "The One True" is completely wrong. Four spaces are always four spaces -- and take three more characters to type than one tab. So, you're working harder *and* making life hard on people who want the indentation spacing to be wider or narrower. Thank you for playing, enjoy a copy of our home game.

As to 80 columns? If you're still coding on a 640x480 screen, fine, but really, buy a big monitor or two, your life will be much better. Heck, if it's one guy who keeps whinging because he can't get a bigger screen, pass the hat and buy him one, it'll make all of you happier.
posted by eriko at 6:48 AM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Tabs are basically an end-run around the indentation problem. The viewer (hacker? whatev) can set them to the size appropriate to the nestedness of the code. If you can't be arsed to configure your text editor to change the display size of tabs, um, this is a situation where laziness is NOT a virtue.

DEATH TO THE INFIDEL
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:48 AM on April 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

In all honesty, people, it's a huge Holy War. There are good points on both sides. They're generally transparent in editors (:set expandtab), it's just a question of consistency and preference among your team.
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:50 AM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Is it time for vi vs emacs?

My emacs-based reality simulator says yes.
posted by notion at 6:51 AM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

What would be funny is if this were like SETI@home (I just this moment learned SETI got shut down) and that the combined inputs of one thousand keyboard monkeys typing gibberish around the world was like a clustered computing thing and was actually doing elite hacking into an internet passwords! Then we all die in car accidents because it was a bank. Not me though - no car!
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:51 AM on April 27, 2011

I prefer tabs to spaces. There. I said it.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:53 AM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you like mashing keyboard, it's a rather good way to generate strong cryptographic keys. So if you're generating BitCoins, for instance, you could speed it up a bit by typing into this thing, or any other thing.
posted by LogicalDash at 6:54 AM on April 27, 2011

Oh man, I am so totally using this the next time some students come into my office. "Hang on", I'll say, "Let me just code up a little routine to get the results we need... ah yes, perfect."

"Did you all get that? Good. Next question?"

heh heh heh.
posted by math at 7:20 AM on April 27, 2011

If I have a client looking over my shoulder, opening up cmd.exe or Terminal.app immediately justifies my hourly rate. Even though I'm usually just pinging around.

I can't tell you how many times they have said, "Oh, you're a hacker."

This is no fucking joke. About five hours into my new job I had to do some diagnosing with traceroute and ping on my boss's computer. You'd think I'd opened the Holy Grail.
posted by odinsdream at 7:22 AM on April 27, 2011 [7 favorites]

I got a "Object doesn't support this method" error, but I didn't notice it until after I had mashed at the keyboard for a while, watching the blinking cursor do nothing. So sad.
posted by AzraelBrown at 7:26 AM on April 27, 2011

I'm totally gonna take my laptop into an airport and do this while I'm waiting at the gate.

(THAT WAS A JOKE)
posted by AugieAugustus at 7:27 AM on April 27, 2011

THE SYSTEM IS DOWN....DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN
posted by Lucinda at 7:30 AM on April 27, 2011

I want syntax highlighting. That would make it look much more realistic.
Also, the Loebner Prize entries all have some sort of typo-making engine that would make this look more realistic.
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 7:30 AM on April 27, 2011

Does anybody actually write code in a linear fashion like this?

At the bare minimum, I make sure to close brackets as soon as I create them, and then fill in the stuff between.
posted by schmod at 7:54 AM on April 27, 2011

I'd love to download this and fool around with it, but I've got to keep this caller on the line long enough to trace his number. I've only got the first 4 digits so far.
posted by maryr at 7:54 AM on April 27, 2011 [6 favorites]

Bounce it off a satellite or two - the red line's nearly caught up to you!
posted by longbaugh at 8:22 AM on April 27, 2011

schmod: No, I doubt anyone writes code like this. I also write from the outside in, because sooner or later that becomes the obviously efficient way to do it.
posted by rusty at 8:24 AM on April 27, 2011

Now all I need is a Visual Basic GUI to track the killer's IP address!
posted by wayofthedodo at 8:41 AM on April 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

Heh. Kind of an Internet Boss Key.
posted by brand-gnu at 9:13 AM on April 27, 2011 [3 favorites]

I just went to hack the system and I broke the database!

I iz teh powafullll!
posted by salishsea at 9:21 AM on April 27, 2011

If I have a client looking over my shoulder, opening up cmd.exe or Terminal.app immediately justifies my hourly rate. Even though I'm usually just pinging around.

This is also why having two monitors is nice. If you have vim open on one, it pretty much doesn't matter what's on the other (especially if it's just text on a professional white background).
posted by Who_Am_I at 9:54 AM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

People, it's not #00FF00, it's more like #33AA33. Why can nobody ever get this right?! Also more people need to use amber. Amber monochrome was ten times better.

So what's the proper hex value for amber? Serious question. I've tried setting my Terminal windows to use amber, but it always ends up looking too orange.
posted by howling fantods at 9:58 AM on April 27, 2011

Modem sounds? That's the least of your problems. Listen closely to the foley in movies and television shows and hear the sounds of old MFM-encoded hard drives while they portray disk access on screen. The biggest MFM hard drive I ever touched was 40 megabytes. The sound is as distinctive (tweet-tit-twarble-twarble) as it is old, back when you had to have disk controllers as separate cards.

I flinch every time I hear it.
posted by adipocere at 11:40 AM on April 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm really embarrassed by how awesome that made me feel.
posted by ollybee at 1:00 PM on April 27, 2011

I think I just launched the space shuttle!
posted by bendy at 1:10 PM on April 27, 2011

I couldn't use this to fool anyone who's seen me work - I have to backspace three times for every ten characters I type.
posted by mmrtnt at 1:39 PM on April 27, 2011

Good concept, but the name is wrong - it sounds like a helper class for reflection, Hacker Typist would be better.
posted by Dr Dracator at 1:44 PM on April 27, 2011

> Not me though - no car!

Mind those elevators, er, lifts...
posted by mmrtnt at 1:51 PM on April 27, 2011

Either this is a deep lisp/Haskell joke, or you are in the wrong thread.
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:00 PM on April 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

And that's why four spaces (not tabs) is the One True Indentation Style.

Why do you even need 4?

I mean, at heart I'm a tabs guy, but we finally switched off tabs (boo). At least we went to 2 spaces, which was a no-op for me visually since my tabstop was 2.

2 spaces is all you need, man. Of course, I'm usually writing Python, so indenting isn't a matter of choice.
posted by wildcrdj at 5:02 PM on April 27, 2011

Is this where I confess to liking 3-space indentation and get strung up on the nearest cable tray?

Also, DU:

Column 80 is at the 'm' in another_reasonable_name

The problem is that your identifiers are too long. Only the first six characters count anyway!

(I once had to do some work on $BIGFAMOUSCOMPANY's code base which was all C written within that old limit. None of your fancy modern scope tricks either. It was pretty amazing.)
posted by hattifattener at 9:36 PM on April 27, 2011

This is awesomely awful!

I happened to be playing with this on Speed=1 (thank God, so it's somewhat believable) and just had a coworker cover over by my desk telling me to do something I didn't want to do.

So I just furrowed my brow in pretend concentration while typing like mad, and did the half-listening "mmm... uh-huh.. mmhhmmm..." thing while she talked, until she finally petered out and walked away.

The thing is, I know exactly what she said, because randomly typing at keys takes no thought... but it was amusing to listen to her sentences haltingly trickle to a stop.

When I'm really busy, I guess I normally do that, but I never have the benefit of actually listening to them... to me it just seems like one minute they're there talking, and the next gone. But, wow... I'm a jerk....
posted by Debaser626 at 1:55 PM on April 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

« Older Handwritten 1961 memo in father's immigration file... | Michael had always claimed he ... Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments

ACCESS GRANTED April 27, 2011 4:04 AM Subscribe

ACCESS GRANTED
April 27, 2011 4:04 AM Subscribe