Comments on: You may say I'm a dreamer...

You may say I'm a dreamer...

SomeTrickPony — Mon, 02 May 2011 05:42:54 -0800

Do you hate it when that happens? In a perfect world, it doesn't.

"Waking up at the wrong time because "PM" instead of "AM" was set up, the page's left edge rips because the perforations don't tear cleanly, the other sock in the pair goes missing, and so forth. These are all normal happenings that exist in our imperfect day-to-day lives and this series of simple illustrations points out what a perfect world would be like without such disruptions." via

By: TedW

TedW — Mon, 02 May 2011 05:47:25 -0800

In a perfect world either all websites would work (albeit with reduced functionality) on IE6 or my employer would upgrade their software once a decade or so.

By: seanmpuckett

seanmpuckett — Mon, 02 May 2011 05:48:55 -0800

In a perfect [first] world, perhaps.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Mon, 02 May 2011 05:51:31 -0800

That was cute. Thanks. I especially liked "That thing you want comes in your favorite color."

By: OmieWise

OmieWise — Mon, 02 May 2011 05:53:33 -0800

...I'm not such a cynical bastard.

By: DU

DU — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:02:12 -0800

"Ketchup in the glass is easier to pour"? This would be a far, far, far worse world and not just because mustard is the superior condiment. The thickness of ketchup is what makes it work. Runny ketchup would be gross. (And if you can't exploit the thixotropy of ketchup to get it out, you should probably switch to something else anyway.)

By: DU

DU — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:03:08 -0800

"The wireless internet you want to steal requires no password."

By: tommasz

tommasz — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:09:01 -0800

In a perfect world you would not need to be reminded that it wasn't an imperfect world.

By: Kitteh

Kitteh — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:19:59 -0800

Cute! Of course, I completely back "Menstruation is unnecessary."

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:20:23 -0800

... I always post the first, best snark.

By: Mister Moofoo

Mister Moofoo — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:20:44 -0800

Some of these don't seem to go as far as 'perfect', but only as far as 'slightly less imperfect'. Like 'the battery is always full at the right time'. Why not 'we wouldn't need batteries'? Or 'AM and PM wouldn't get mixed up on an alarm clock'. Why not 'You wouldn't need an alarm clock'? I quite like some of them, but some of them seem to be treating the symptoms and not the disease.

By: milestogo

milestogo — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:23:38 -0800

Or like "cutting circles would be less difficult." Why not "our eyes would have lasers attached"??

By: pompomtom

pompomtom — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:23:44 -0800

AKA: #firstworldproblems Yeah, the menstruation one aside...

By: DU

DU — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:28:17 -0800

Not to mention the fact that cutting circles not at all difficult.

By: Lorc

Lorc — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:33:19 -0800

I'm actually enjoying the cute little graphics more than the sentiments. The broken pencil lead is particularly good.

By: GenjiandProust

GenjiandProust — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:50:42 -0800

Someone always has a pen Someone does. That someone is me. I would prefer this if it read "The someone with the pen gets his pen back and it still works."

By: ericbop

ericbop — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:55:33 -0800

"Ketchup in the glass is easier to pour"? Just hit the 57 (go to 1:58 for the money shot).

By: papercake

papercake — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:08:41 -0800

In a perfect world everyone would love this post. Sorry to ruin it.

By: octothorpe

octothorpe — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:09:46 -0800

"Stickers always peel off clean" In a perfect world people would use adverbs.

By: DU

DU — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:19:02 -0800

Just hit the 57 (go to 1:58 for the money shot). I went in skeptical, but came out a believer. Of course, it has nothing to do with the 57 and everything to do with Newton's First Law. This is the same way to get the last little bits out of the mustard bottle. Shaking the bottle up and down just oscillates the ketchup. Sure, that loosens it a little and so it kind of flows, but not really. What you need is a short, sharp whack in one direction only. With a mustard bottle, I drop it on the tip, which causes the mustard to fly down. Once again, merely shaking the bottle means the mustard flies both up AND down, which is pointless. With the ketchup bottle, this guy is pushing the bottle backwards and the inertia of the ketchup itself is leaving it in place (relative to the table) which moves it forward (relative to the bottle) and thus it comes out.

By: pracowity

pracowity — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:22:02 -0800

That was awful.

By: birdherder

birdherder — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:26:45 -0800

Some of those have an "Andy Rooney for the 21st Century" vibe.

By: middleclasstool

middleclasstool — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:31:37 -0800

I would prefer this if it read "The someone with the pen gets his pen back and it still works." I haven't field tested it for very long, but I got this pen recently, whose cap doesn't fit on the back end. Take off cap, loan pen, hold onto cap, enjoy constant reminder that you have not yet demanded your pen back. Also I'm pretty sure I could kill a man with it.

By: pwally

pwally — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:32:49 -0800

In a perfect world: "All of the popcorn kernels pop". I strongly and respectfully disagree. Those 1/3rd popped kernels at the bottom of popcorn mountain are one of the many reasons I'm happy to get out of bed in the morning.

By: pwally

pwally — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:35:05 -0800

That was awful. In a perfect world, snarks get eaten by sharks.

By: StickyCarpet

StickyCarpet — Mon, 02 May 2011 07:56:08 -0800

The thickness of ketchup is what makes it work. Runny ketchup would be gross. The commercial product called "ketchup" is legally defined by it's viscosity. In a world where it pours, there is no such thing as ketchup.

By: incomple

incomple — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:04:13 -0800

"The toilet paper roll is never empty at the wrong time." When is there a RIGHT time?

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:09:32 -0800

Oh fuck this. It's another hashtag site like twitter or gizmodo where I have to enable javascript for it to work at all. What's the fucking point of breaking your site, just to provide functionality that is no different than straight HTML??? No really, you need to have some compelling content to induce me to futz with my settings just to view your site. Cutesy r/first-world-problems lolcats pictures ain't it.

By: Splunge

Splunge — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:09:42 -0800

middleclasstool: " I would prefer this if it read "The someone with the pen gets his pen back and it still works." I haven't field tested it for very long, but I got this pen recently, whose cap doesn't fit on the back end. Take off cap, loan pen, hold onto cap, enjoy constant reminder that you have not yet demanded your pen back. Also I'm pretty sure I could kill a man with it." That's a mighty tactical pen you got there.

By: monospace

monospace — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:13:53 -0800

Please. Cooking an omelet isn't exactly rocket science.

By: the young rope-rider

the young rope-rider — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:16:48 -0800

In a perfect world, that thing you want would be safely manufactured by people who have clean running water, living wages, and political freedoms. Ah, fuck it, it's in your FAVORITE COLOR! Totally perfect!!!!

By: ChrisHartley

ChrisHartley — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:32:01 -0800

In a perfect world you have a sufficient sense of scale and detachment that the little things don't bring you down.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:48:45 -0800

What are AM and PM? posted by Eideteker at 16:48 GMT

By: pts

pts — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:56:19 -0800

orthogonality: You browse with Javascript off? Dude, it's 2011. We're turning Flash off, now.

By: iotic

iotic — Mon, 02 May 2011 09:58:18 -0800

In a perfect world either all websites would work (albeit with reduced functionality) on IE6 or my employer would upgrade their software once a decade or so. As a web developer, definitely not the first option.

By: straight

straight — Mon, 02 May 2011 10:17:45 -0800

I haven't field tested it for very long, but I got this pen recently, whose cap doesn't fit on the back end. Can you tell us what the "other, more discrete reasons" are that the cap doesn't fit on the pen? Or did they make you sign an NDA when you bought it?

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Mon, 02 May 2011 10:22:07 -0800

When is there a RIGHT time? When someone you dislike is in the restroom alone at 5.01pm on a Friday, obvsly.

By: benzenedream

benzenedream — Mon, 02 May 2011 10:31:12 -0800

In a perfect world, people would know that menstruation is easily avoided

By: jnrussell

jnrussell — Mon, 02 May 2011 10:59:42 -0800

But we don't really want these problems to go away. Otherwise what would we put on our blogs/twitter feeds/cutesy graphic design websites?

By: cmoj

cmoj — Mon, 02 May 2011 11:08:34 -0800

To easily pour ketchup in a glass bottle, just hold it in pouring position and tap the top with your hand or fist in the thick part. When you agitate a semi-gel like that it becomes more liquid. There's your utopia, you hot dog ruining bastards.

By: Brocktoon

Brocktoon — Mon, 02 May 2011 11:28:48 -0800

I hope that website gets cancer I hate it so much.

By: entropyiswinning

entropyiswinning — Mon, 02 May 2011 11:32:34 -0800

I liked the graphics.

By: paisley henosis

paisley henosis — Mon, 02 May 2011 11:38:37 -0800

pts: orthogonality: You browse with Javascript off? Dude, it's 2011. We're turning Flash off, now "Choclate? Dude, it's 2011. We're eating peanutbutter now." Two great tastes that go great together.

By: DU

DU — Mon, 02 May 2011 11:41:46 -0800

Can you tell us what the "other, more discrete reasons" are that the cap doesn't fit on the pen? No, but I can think of a few continuous reasons.

By: Ron Thanagar

Ron Thanagar — Mon, 02 May 2011 12:27:09 -0800

In a perfect world, it wouldn't come to this.

By: middleclasstool

middleclasstool — Mon, 02 May 2011 12:32:40 -0800

Can you tell us what the "other, more discrete reasons" are that the cap doesn't fit on the pen? Or did they make you sign an NDA when you bought it? I have wondered this myself. The texture strikes me as a bit, er, rough for doing anal sketchwork. The pen's perfectly symmetric (minus the clip, of course) and almost perfectly balanced, so maybe that's why? I have no idea. Good pen, though. Will likely outlive me.

By: zephyr_words

zephyr_words — Mon, 02 May 2011 12:34:46 -0800

"People respond to texts immediately" Fuck you little blue graphic. I won't be a slave to my phone or my friends every beck and call to take advantage of what I have to offer. I'll answer when I want to and if I want to.

By: ego

ego — Mon, 02 May 2011 13:19:15 -0800

Can you tell us what the "other, more discrete reasons" are that the cap doesn't fit on the pen? Or did they make you sign an NDA when you bought it? Looks like it could be used as a kubotan.

By: Sparx

Sparx — Mon, 02 May 2011 13:24:49 -0800

On the same site - 'things with googly eyes' is a winner. Especially no 3 - it's like Swamp Thing came to life!

By: johnstein

johnstein — Mon, 02 May 2011 13:32:56 -0800

Just imagine if you could see one of these collections of 'what a perfect world could be' from other times in history. What would the Romans say? What about the Greeks? Egyptians? What about people from 100 years ago? I think it's a neat slice of information to get into the heads of the people living in those times. They should put this in the time-capsule.

By: zephyr_words

zephyr_words — Mon, 02 May 2011 15:16:46 -0800

Police make sure you don't get stabbed in streets or your own parties. People don't lean and block your view at the Colosseum. Your Triumvirate stops dissolving. Tribal nations let you veni, vidi, vici.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Mon, 02 May 2011 15:26:36 -0800

There would be a laundromat near my flat or a clothes dryer in my building. My Bluetooth headphones would work, I wouldn't have lost my iPhone headphones and my other headphones would be easily portable. I could cheaply fix my chipped tooth. There would be brain-computer interfaces. You could instantly tell if someone liked you. Physical space wouldn't exist and we'd all be pure thought.

By: Mister Moofoo

Mister Moofoo — Mon, 02 May 2011 15:37:10 -0800

"People respond to texts immediately" People put word balloons in the right order.

By: Go Banana

Go Banana — Mon, 02 May 2011 17:07:02 -0800

My damn students would at least make some vague effort to do their homework.

By: Kris10_b

Kris10_b — Mon, 02 May 2011 19:49:13 -0800

I thought these were cute, even if some of the problems were kind of crap. I completely agree about the lead pencils breaking when you sharpen them though.

By: Evilspork

Evilspork — Mon, 02 May 2011 20:45:26 -0800

Those 1/3rd popped kernels at the bottom of popcorn mountain are one of the many reasons I'm happy to get out of bed in the morning. Popnots. (previously)

By: bstreep

bstreep — Mon, 02 May 2011 20:55:30 -0800

The waistband and pant leg length are the right size... because everyone has been genetically engineered to be the exact same size. The spider you try to kill on your wall actually dies the first time... because it trusted you. You never accidentally buy the low-fat version of something... because you are no longer allowed in dairy aisle. Your favorite song doesn't come on the radio when you park... because music has been outlawed. Menstruation isn't necessary... because you're a man.

By: ymgve

ymgve — Tue, 03 May 2011 04:25:07 -0800

People living in civilized countries that use 24-hour clocks never have to worry about any AM/PM shenanigans.

By: TedW

TedW — Tue, 03 May 2011 05:49:49 -0800

Those 1/3rd popped kernels at the bottom of popcorn mountain are one of the many reasons I'm happy to get out of bed in the morning. Popnots. AKA old maids. Now that I am on a computer with a modern browser and can see the site, I have to say that although this is cool, I still prefer Life's Little Victories when they occasionally appear. (And I am still annoyed with Salon.com for dropping Keith Knight.)