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Why buy a cow when milk is cheap?
May 2, 2011 2:48 PM   Subscribe

Here's a story about a nice lady who goes to the farmer's market and buys some fresh produce.

Via the Awl, who also say 'Warning: Not really safe for work! Also sort of terrifying and dark!', though I'm not sure if I agree with that or not. Why don't you judge for yourselves?
posted by item (81 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
NSFNPIYMAL

(Not Safe For Not Puking In Your Mouth A Little)

I loved it.
posted by lumpenprole at 2:52 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I think I know her.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 2:53 PM on May 2, 2011


Stupid. Everyone knows what you nail a chicken carcass with and it's not celery.
posted by iconomy at 2:57 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Yes, iconomy, jessamyn taught us all a very valuable lesson a few years back.
posted by item at 2:58 PM on May 2, 2011


Just like Sweet movie. But salty.
posted by Baldons at 2:59 PM on May 2, 2011


She's not getting her deposit on that place back, is what I'm telling you.
posted by boo_radley at 2:59 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I found myself overly sad about the sweater she left on the lawn.
posted by ColdChef at 3:03 PM on May 2, 2011


Your friend's sophomore art project isn't as good as you think it is.
posted by metaxa at 3:05 PM on May 2, 2011 [22 favorites]


Try to imagine the exact same piece, except with a man instead of a woman. Not changing the tone and going for funny, the exact same piece.
posted by gurple at 3:10 PM on May 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


Manic pixie dream girl discontinues her medication?
posted by benito.strauss at 3:14 PM on May 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


Eating fresh looks like so much work. Sometimes I just want to scoop out a hot pocket and go to town, you know?
posted by orme at 3:16 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Why would you ... why did ... what did she ... how ... what ... ?
posted by jabberjaw at 3:20 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Alright.
So that happened.
posted by From Bklyn at 3:21 PM on May 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


Your friend's sophomore art project isn't as good as you think it is.

Was this directed at me?
posted by item at 3:21 PM on May 2, 2011


Oh, and that lady, she wasn't "nice."
posted by jabberjaw at 3:24 PM on May 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


will someone please explain what that video is supposed to mean?

every time i see a new comment i keep expecting it to provide some insight into what it is i do not at all understand but they continue to just (at least apparently) be tongue-in-cheek indications that i am on the outside looking in
posted by lulz at 3:24 PM on May 2, 2011


... tongue-in-cheek indications that i am on the outside looking in

My comment was simply designed to highlight that the director subscribes to the "it doesn't matter what I film as long as there's a pretty girl in it" school.
posted by gurple at 3:26 PM on May 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


I think I understand the film, but I need someone to explain to me whether or not I'm aroused.
posted by cmoj at 3:26 PM on May 2, 2011 [6 favorites]


Sometimes playing with your food is just playing with your food.
posted by item at 3:29 PM on May 2, 2011


So, this is what the young people are doing today?
posted by bonobothegreat at 3:30 PM on May 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


Yeah, thanks for that. I've got three or four new fetishes I never knew I had until watching that. Christ, my life just got a lot more complicated.
posted by Keith Talent at 3:36 PM on May 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Funny, I don't recall this part of a Defense of Food.
posted by Verdant at 3:38 PM on May 2, 2011


In Defense of Food, even.
posted by Verdant at 3:39 PM on May 2, 2011


Describe, please?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:40 PM on May 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


Describe, please?

"Farm Fresh Girl" - attractive young woman at farmer's market selectively purchases an onion. rubs a goat behind the ear. is friendly to other patrons at the market. skips home away from market. throws out flowers in dumpster (dunno where they came from). drops sweater. enters home and immediately eats onion raw as if couldn't wait. places on a fume protection mask and yellow gloves and throws out greens. stomps on them. falls backwards onto mattress with no sheets. takes fish head out of pants ("fish"). goes to bathroom. takes butter out of trash can and uses it to matte back her hair. lies on sheetless bed and spits in jar ("stock" ?). drinks tube entitled "lube" and fills empty tube with chocolate milk. gets in tub and squirts milk on her face ("milk"). gets out of tub and covers herself in flour ("flour"). takes raw chicken out of toilet. convulses around on the floor covered in flour. dances in some sort of manner making gestures i do not understand (i do not understand anything contained in this video, not sure why i chose to clarify here). takes a stalk of celery and starts ramming it into the previous toilet chicken in a sexually suggestive manner, while massaging where the toilet chicken's clitoris would be. throws toilet chicken against the wall ("farm fresh girl"). looks out window, rubbing her face against it like on e. the end
posted by lulz at 3:55 PM on May 2, 2011 [13 favorites]


Undescribe, please.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:58 PM on May 2, 2011 [148 favorites]


This is what I imagine the last few years of my life are going to be like.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 3:59 PM on May 2, 2011


So, same old same old, then?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:00 PM on May 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


Last few years of my life , I mean. Except, I am not a pretty girl.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:01 PM on May 2, 2011


Um...
posted by zeoslap at 4:15 PM on May 2, 2011


My definition of "story" is a bit different, I guess.
posted by chundo at 4:17 PM on May 2, 2011


drinks tube entitled "lube" and fills empty tube with chocolate milk. gets in tub and squirts milk on her face ("milk")

The tube is identified as "douche", not "lube". I feel this is an important detail and integral to understanding the narrative. Frankly I'm a bit offended you got it so wrong.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 4:17 PM on May 2, 2011 [6 favorites]


It does make more sense that way. In that, I'm sure most of us would like to douche our heads right about now.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:21 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Not even interested enough to wonder why.
posted by Glinn at 4:24 PM on May 2, 2011


It's a feminist take on the relations between woman, nature and foodstuffs. The woman, no longer subjected by the patriarchy (here represented by the farmer's market) is able to realize a truly meaningful and spiritual connection to nature, food and herself through the rediscovering of what it means to consume. To the patriarchy this comes of as disturbed and disgusting but only because the patriarchy views the world through distortions but the woman knows the truth by becoming one with nature proxy of the consumption of produce without which life simply cannot be. In the end she is transformed to the innocent girl, fresh like the produce from the farmer's market.

That's my take on it but I tend to overanalyze stuff when smoking pcp.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:31 PM on May 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


I'm glad Takashi Miike and I shop at different farmers' markets.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:36 PM on May 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


i genuinely apologize 6 or 6:30, i was distracted when typing out and actually waited before sending hoping someone else would do it because i wasn't sure if my lack of understanding made me part of a problem or indicated i might have aspergers... can you please explain the narrative?

foci - are you serious? my immediate take was that it was intended as a feminist metaphor (which led to immediate concern re: my complete failure in ability to comprehend)... then i wasn't sure if it was a satire of feminist metaphors or an intentionally opaque fake feminism message and then i wasn't sure if it was really just addressing animal cruelty or something else entirely
posted by lulz at 4:40 PM on May 2, 2011


Hmm, I read it as a pretty hilarious reaction to the Women Laughing Alone With Salad trend. Pick up any women's magazine, and you might assume that every woman becomes hysterical with joy when eating fresh veggies and doing yoga - this just takes that idea to the next logical conclusion.
posted by susanvance at 4:46 PM on May 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


In trying to decide whether to watch this when I get home, there is still one important question that I need answered:

Just how attractive is the chicken?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:46 PM on May 2, 2011


I am now going to have to watch Two Girls One Cup just to cleanse my mind of this.
posted by Ber at 4:47 PM on May 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Based on all of your comments, there is no way in all the Nine Hells that I'm clicking any of these links.
posted by EatTheWeak at 4:50 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


What's fun is skipping the video and trying to determine what has happened in the film based solely on everyone's reaction comments.
posted by maryr at 5:00 PM on May 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


I'm with you, EatTheWeak. Let's go watch that dog talk again.
posted by likeso at 5:02 PM on May 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


Based on all of your comments, there is no way in all the Nine Hells that I'm clicking any of these links.

Why not? Are you chicken?

Very strange little film, by the way. And not in a good way, I think.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 5:03 PM on May 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


What's fun is skipping the video and trying to determine what has happened in the film based solely on everyone's reaction comments.

No choice. I don't know how to use the Internets.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:07 PM on May 2, 2011


It's a project from CLIIT - Celebrating Lifestyle, Innovation and Independence Together.
posted by unliteral at 5:08 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


... can you please explain the narrative?

Well right, um naturally, I think Foci of Analysis said it best in his post.

The only thing I can add to my previous comment is that I think the film could be improved with judicious application of hamburgers.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 5:13 PM on May 2, 2011


I knew this was going to be weird because I caught the shot at 0:23 right after she stroked the goat.
posted by unliteral at 5:16 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I caught the shot

Unfortunate turn of phrase.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:25 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't know about you philistines but I saw at least seven layers of meaning in that piece.

And allusions to Slavic indie filmmakers that none of you will have heard of.

I got a boner, too.
posted by jason's_planet at 5:51 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Did anyone else start the video, watch the first few seconds, get distracted, come back later and go "uh..."
posted by biochemist at 5:59 PM on May 2, 2011


That was confusing
posted by torisaur at 6:05 PM on May 2, 2011


As a bizarre deconstruction of the construct of female fulfillment through freshness, I enjoyed it. Also, damn she had a nice rack....




...of chicken. *


*technically I think that might actually have been a cornish hen or something, it looked pretty tiny for chicken.
posted by Diablevert at 6:21 PM on May 2, 2011


It makes sense if you hear it as "why buy the cow when milk is sheep."
posted by googly at 6:22 PM on May 2, 2011


I'm not usually dense but I don't get what message, if any, is trying to be conveyed here. Admittedly I started skipping about when things got extremely weird but I don't like to fire air horns into my ears for much the same reason.

So what am I supposed to be missing here?
Is it me-fail or director-fail ?
posted by Poet_Lariat at 6:27 PM on May 2, 2011


[AIRHORNIST] much?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:29 PM on May 2, 2011


I'm not quite sure why but watching that made me angry, as if I was suddenly frustrated I couldn't see the point in that absurdity. Leaving confused.
posted by rmas at 6:40 PM on May 2, 2011


Hey neat, I use celery to brush my dentata too!
posted by Dano St at 6:42 PM on May 2, 2011


I wish there was a farmer's market where I live.
posted by Foam Pants at 7:13 PM on May 2, 2011


why was she wearing a depends? why was "why buy the cow when the milk is free" playing? why did...why?
posted by Danila at 7:21 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


"Farmer's Market" is the new "taters."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:21 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Potentially illegal to watch this in New Zealand.
posted by doublehappy at 7:36 PM on May 2, 2011


"Stroked the goat" is the new "jumped the shark." For food porn.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:07 PM on May 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Figured it out. They're a group of gals out in LA who don't give a shit. They are post-serious. Any semblance of message or theme beyond lifestyle blog burlesque is purely coincidential. That said, pretty good videography and I did watch it all the way through.
posted by The White Hat at 8:17 PM on May 2, 2011


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

CLIIT SOUNDS LIKE CLIT - HEY, ATTENTION ALL SQUARES, THAT'S SHORT FOR CLITORIS

DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD THAT I AM NOW RIPPING MY JAWS APART WITH MY OWN BARE HANDS

HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE

I AM GUFFAWING SO MUCH THAT MY ARMS HAVE BECOME VENOMOUS SNAKES

FNARR FNARR FNARR FNARR FNARR FNARR FNARR

IT'S LIKE SHE WAS MASTURBATING THAT CHICKEN - I DON'T MEAN TO BURST YOUR BOURGEOISIE BUBBLE THAT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE WITHOUT QUESTIONING THE WORLD AROUND YOU, BUT THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU NORMALLY DO TO CHICKENS
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:18 PM on May 2, 2011 [11 favorites]


I'm not gonna lie, I kind of loved the video more after snooping around the actual website for the folks behind it, and seeing that they made a habit of the absurdist and privileged feel-goodisms of modern ladiness (cf. Gwyneth Paltrow and GOOP). A little context would've helped me get over the initial "What in the fresh hell is this?"
posted by kkokkodalk at 8:42 PM on May 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I was very happy to see that several of the "related videos" were butoh, because that's exactly what I was thinking.
posted by phooky at 8:51 PM on May 2, 2011


> I knew this was going to be weird because I caught the shot at 0:23 right after she stroked the goat.

Came here to post that. It wasn't exactly subtle, what with the soundtrack change as well.

Having said that, a lot less disturbing than I thought it was going to be.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 9:05 PM on May 2, 2011


I'm just going to go ahead and use up my allotted observation that MetaFilter is so-much-better-when-I'm-baked for this week.
posted by brennen at 10:16 PM on May 2, 2011


It's not the wine it's not the wine it's not the wine.
posted by mudpuppie at 10:18 PM on May 2, 2011


Addendum:

my immediate take was that it was intended as a feminist metaphor (which led to immediate concern re: my complete failure in ability to comprehend)... then i wasn't sure if it was a satire of feminist metaphors or an intentionally opaque fake feminism message and then i wasn't sure if it was really just addressing animal cruelty or something else entirely

Lulz, I in no way mean this personally. But on reading that, I had this big, huge happy exhalation that said "Oh god, I'm so glad not to be 20 and enrolled in a liberal arts program anymore, because now I don't have to think those things."

I'm sure glad someone is thinking them, though! Please do carry on. I'm 100% behind you.
posted by mudpuppie at 10:24 PM on May 2, 2011


Totally agree with susanvance; it didn't confuse me at all since I spend a lot of time rolling my eyes at all the advertising/media etc., depicting women becoming orgasmic over fat-free yogurt, breezing around buying vegetables and becoming orgasmic over their vegetabley aroma, greeting the sun with yoga, sort of orgasmically, and constantly hauling around flowers to symbolically prove that their hoohaw is nice and fresh, thank you very much. They also pretty much always wear those little sweaters.
posted by taz at 10:31 PM on May 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


My own personal reading had to do with the relationship between women, sex, food, and domesticity.

That said, I found 2Girls1Cup a much more moving take on the theme.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:48 PM on May 2, 2011


I get super sick of these videos, the totally uninspired editing wanks. Sitting through unergrad AND graduate production classes, watching 90 of these or so in total, was all I can possibly handle.

At least MY uninspired editing wank had an ending. Though ugh, the AVID, the AVID....
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:53 AM on May 3, 2011


Yep, just like regular chickens.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:09 AM on May 3, 2011 [4 favorites]


Oh, tubgirl.
posted by ostranenie at 6:16 AM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]


tl;dw, imo - it's making fun of people who get off on farmer's markets. oh, you already said that. the "modern ladiness" thing.

there's also the absurd "surprise" (closer to a "rickroll") of what the "tricks of the trade on utilizing produce and avoiding waste" actually are.

The woman, no longer subjected by the patriarchy (here represented by the farmer's market)

why would the farmer's market represent patriarchy? i don't think that's demonstrated within the context of the film.

definitely nsfw, fwiw. it's not really safe for anywhere where someone could see over your shoulder, unless you're the sort of person for which most anything is sfw.

stay strong, sisters.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:05 AM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]


I thought Amelie was better.
posted by archivist at 9:30 AM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]


"Oh god, I'm so glad not to be 20 and enrolled in a liberal arts program anymore, because now I don't have to think those things."

Yeah! I hate connecting complex ideas with the world I live in! *Goes to watch Big Bang Theory* Stupid kids!
posted by cmoj at 10:13 AM on May 3, 2011


man:You know the bacon that's maple flavored?
dog:The maple kind, yeah?
man:Well....I took some of that bacon....
dog: yeah?
man: I took that bacon
dog:yeah?
man: and I RAMMED IN A CHICKEN BUTT!
dog: AAAAAAAAGH!
posted by kuujjuarapik at 5:28 PM on May 3, 2011 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: constantly hauling around flowers to symbolically prove that their hoohaw is nice and fresh, thank you very much.
posted by jason's_planet at 7:23 PM on May 3, 2011


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