If you are a studious reader yet also seasoned amorist and you spend much time in reading-rooms, neglect not the benefit of knowledge nor yet the delights of Aphrodite's arts. Wherefore, avoid whatever is pedantic and insipid (for this has ruined many a scholar and tutor) and, as you have your eyes open in the books, so also keep open the eyes of your verge and your other organs. When from afar you espy and strongly smell a lady entirely engrossed in her study, yet you are impassioned by her fair figure and beset by her fragrance, straightway leave your seat and move beside her, for supposedly the lighting is poor and your vision is impaired.
When sufficient time has elapsed and your bodies become reconciled in their proximity, lift up your tome and softly and humbly ask her "My studious lady, here I cannot grasp the meaning of this passage. Grant me the light of your learning and wisdom for tomorrow my Tutor will question me and revile me for my ignorance. I read in these lines, 'O feet, o legs, o thighs for which I justly died, o buttocks, o bosom', and I understand all these, yet that 'O comb' I fail to comprehend its meaning. Does it mean, I wonder, the comb in her hair. Yet I deem it unbecoming for the poet to enumerate a trinket together with her physical charms. Or is it that this too is a true part of her body?" And, so saying, move yet closer to her and boldly clasp her foot and say "Regard the foot". And similarly clasp the flesh of her legs and thighs that inflame you, and her flanks and breasts to their very milk, and say to her "Regard these your limbs, yet your comb I see not, and who will show me, ignoramus that I am, if not you who are most fair and wise!"
Ply her then with blandishments and lead her to a secluded and quiet reading room and bare her to the roots of her hair. Thereupon, remove all your own garments and place these either upon the desk together with the open lexicons and reference books or beside the desk that they may serve as a place of learning and study. Thus, when you study her ala recto, viz. wide-open and from the fore, and you riffle through her beside the Mega-Lexicon of the Greek Language, be sure not only to grasp her points but also to learn by heart her passages, and digest everything learnedly and comprehensively through your sense and likewise through your sensibility.
And when you journey down from the upper to the lower and come to the place commonly known as the Mound of Venus (or in dialect as the Mount) and you stoop and fully savour the parched and wooded areas, bring your tongue and dip in to the Greek fonts, in the hollows and fragrances that in older times were known collectively as the Wide Straits. And as you drain and comb the reefs, you will feel, being as you are a linguist and lover of Greece, the teeth of her comb opening melodiously like the comb of a loom or lyre, or like the bivalve marine mollusc. And since you are by nature conscientious and studious, bring your member to her comb, saying "O my Coiffeuse and Instructress! Regard how I am unkempt and dishevelled and the time for the lesson is nigh and how shall I enter thus untidy into my Tutor's class? Pray do not refuse to groom me and comb me diligently and carefully to my roots." And take up your member, aroused and agitated as it is, and prudently insert it between the teeth of her comb and do not end your lesson in the art of beautification save only after the passing of two hours of undisturbed instruction and three intervals.
Should you study her ala verso, viz. from the back, the rear and the rump, do not neglect to examine all her passages, the difficult and the meaningful, for the beginning of all wisdom is in the examination of terms. And when you have pored over every margin and lacuna with touch, taste and smell, have her assume the posture of the sphinx and proceed as above. And when you are thoroughly combed and spruced, take your fair instructress and dress her diligently and comb her fine hair and present her with all your lexicons and volumes, now useless, yet give praise to her, for you were unlearned and learned, ungroomed and were groomed. Then again shut yourself up in your study and investigate your life alone, till deep into the night.
Most U.S. residents are aware of the traditional ‘informational’ library services, such as books, newspapers, magazines and Internet access. Far fewer know about the many value-added and ‘transformational’ services provided by their libraries, such as teen programs, computer training and ‘English as a second language’ (ESL) classes.
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