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Caturday Kitten Crash
May 7, 2011 12:08 PM   Subscribe

Kitten crash test, in slow motion, with a suitable soundtrack. Don't worry, no kittens were actually harmed.
posted by filthy light thief (52 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite

 
I'm pretty sure my dad used to do something like this but with the puppy versus infant katilla.
posted by katillathehun at 12:23 PM on May 7, 2011


That sounds... ruff.
posted by The White Hat at 12:31 PM on May 7, 2011 [2 favorites]


"In this video I can post a link to your website" yeah, uh, nothanks.
posted by dabitch at 12:32 PM on May 7, 2011 [1 favorite]


I want to consider this trite and cruel, but I just can't. This is totally awesome.
posted by poe at 12:32 PM on May 7, 2011


Within seconds of loading the video I had 4 children around me and at the first crash there was a deafening OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! and even more children gathered and I had to rewind.
posted by DU at 12:33 PM on May 7, 2011 [10 favorites]


Were the children already in your house? Because that is disconcerting. I'm afraid to play it now; toddlers might come crawling through my windows.
posted by desjardins at 12:35 PM on May 7, 2011 [98 favorites]


Quick, desjardins! Close the folding concrete shutters!
posted by darkstar at 12:37 PM on May 7, 2011 [10 favorites]


Laughed till I cried.
posted by rtha at 12:38 PM on May 7, 2011 [1 favorite]


I like how in the second video, you can see just how complicated and challenging walking is for the little 'uns.

yes you are!
posted by you're a kitty! at 12:40 PM on May 7, 2011 [11 favorites]


I guess they've decided to release the video from Bin Laden's compound after all.
posted by philip-random at 12:46 PM on May 7, 2011 [11 favorites]


I think I just died a thousand blubbering kitteny deaths watching that second video.
posted by mykescipark at 12:57 PM on May 7, 2011


Saw it a couple of days ago, wanted so desperately to hate it (the kroolty, teh kittehs)...

It's heartmeltingly cute. Thanks intertube agent Filthy for bringing it here, with the momshot.
posted by djrock3k at 1:04 PM on May 7, 2011


I don't know about this. If you continue to increase the kitten velocity as done in the first 3 tests, by test 6 or 7 kittens will be harmed. But I'm a dog person, so I don't care.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:08 PM on May 7, 2011 [1 favorite]


I can vouch that it is not a 100% certified child magnet, after watching the video a number of times in my house with my wife. And I don't think my wife's sister had an infestation of kids, either.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:09 PM on May 7, 2011


Somewhere I have two honey badgers doing this.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:10 PM on May 7, 2011 [8 favorites]


I immediately wondered - Could this be improved with Fear Factory's Crash Test playing as the soundtrack?

Answer: Indeed yes, a new level of absurdity is achieved.

Crash! Test!
Animals that die
Animals that cry
Testing on their minds
Testing with their lives!

posted by vanar sena at 1:11 PM on May 7, 2011 [1 favorite]


At first I thought it was kind of mean to smoosh two kittens together like that. Then I remembered the time, when my cat was just a couple of weeks old, I wanted to see if he could fit in my mouth.

He did.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 1:12 PM on May 7, 2011 [43 favorites]


At first I thought it was kind of mean to smoosh two kittens together like that. Then I remembered the time, when my cat was just a couple of weeks old, I wanted to see if he could fit in my mouth.

He did.


Eponysterical?
posted by divide_by_cucumber at 1:14 PM on May 7, 2011 [22 favorites]


yes you are!
posted by you're a kitty!


Love it. Also those videos.
posted by Dasein at 1:15 PM on May 7, 2011


I'm tempted to try this with two 20 lb cats.
posted by desjardins at 1:24 PM on May 7, 2011 [3 favorites]


Nice wallpaper.
posted by Edward L at 1:32 PM on May 7, 2011 [2 favorites]


Nice wallpaper.

I was thinking the exact same thing! I'd like to get my hands on some wallpaper like that...

Also, this is adorable.
posted by ukdanae at 1:34 PM on May 7, 2011


I don't know about this. If you continue to increase the kitten velocity as done in the first 3 tests, by test 6 or 7 kittens will be harmed.

I believe the test is to verify if cuteness is maintained as velocity increases. I hypothesize that this would be the case through test 11, after which the kittens start fighting back and taking chunks out of those arms.
posted by Golfhaus at 1:42 PM on May 7, 2011


See, I had such high opinions of you all, until I saw that you actually liked
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that ugly ass wallpaper!
posted by tomswift at 1:54 PM on May 7, 2011


Mittens piddled yesterday in his last cat crash. Since my adoption of him from the shelter, he had squatted after many crashes, but this was his only true accident...
posted by Trurl at 2:03 PM on May 7, 2011


I'm tempted to try this with two 20 lb cats.

DO IT!!!

And then call Jackson Galaxy!
posted by ericb at 2:04 PM on May 7, 2011


I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged into their crash tests, or why.
posted by Ian A.T. at 2:06 PM on May 7, 2011 [3 favorites]


Awww, with the little bellies smooshed together cuuuuuuute!
posted by Scoo at 2:07 PM on May 7, 2011


What an outstanding use of kittens. A+
posted by Dr. Zira at 2:25 PM on May 7, 2011


I proundly support NATO keeping violence like this from spreading to the Western whirld.
posted by buzzman at 2:39 PM on May 7, 2011


As someone who was chastised as a child for wrapping an aluminum-foil lance to a kitten's paw, then placing Sir Kitten atop his trusty steed, the neighbor's bassett hound, and yelling, "WILL NONE MEET US ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE?!" -- I approve of this.

(It's hard to balance a kitten on a bassett hound, BTW.)
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:51 PM on May 7, 2011 [51 favorites]


Metafilter: It's hard to balance a kitten on a bassett hound.
posted by dancestoblue at 3:54 PM on May 7, 2011 [5 favorites]


No, I wasn't looking at porn, it was a video of two pussies being mashed together as in kittens. No, it wasn't porn, it's Mother's day weekend, and I'm not watching Internet porn, I'm watching kitten videos. No that's not what we're calling it nowadays; really. Will you shut up? I'm sorry I even told you about it. OK, maybe I'm watching some porn this weekend, but not while I'm on the phone with my Mom.
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:02 PM on May 7, 2011


I was a little disappointed that the second video didn't end differently after it began with an innocent little kitten investigating a harmless vacuum cleaner. I guess that makes me a bad person.
posted by Balonious Assault at 5:24 PM on May 7, 2011


Kittens: unsafe at any speed.
posted by klanawa at 6:12 PM on May 7, 2011 [6 favorites]


Metafilter: Someone who was chastised as a child for wrapping an aluminum-foil lance to a kitten's paw, then placing Sir Kitten atop his trusty steed, the neighbor's bassett hound, and yelling, "WILL NONE MEET US ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE?!"
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:19 PM on May 7, 2011 [1 favorite]


I watched this and my only thought was "These kittens will grow up and pee all over your stuff in retaliation." Really.
posted by Not The Stig at 9:21 PM on May 7, 2011


The person who made this needs to learn patience. In about three months those kittens will be gleefully crashing into one another. Often two or three feet of the ground while they do it.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 9:27 PM on May 7, 2011


And then call Jackson Galaxy!

Norma (aka Simple Dog) loves to watch her stories. She's especially enamored of Animal Planet, and cat-related programming are a big hit with the freakish orange feline demographic.

One night, when the humans had no further use for the TV (the Golden Girls were over or we were out of scotch, I forget which) we found there was a block of cat shows, including that one where they talk about breeds of cats, Must Love Cats, and...

one of those godawful abominations where some suit full of boogers and hair obviously said "Boy, that internet sure is popular! Let's put some of those internet cat videos on a show! To make it better, we'll have actual CAT EXPERTS make jokes in between the videos! IT CANNOT FAIL."

But fail it did. Norma, however, was rapt. So we humored her.

And then, amid some clearly uncomfortable veterinarians, was this guy with huge trendy glasses and unbearably elaborate facial hair, making extra lame jokes.

" WHAT IS THAT" exclaimed Mr. Mustachio.

"According to the captions, that would be a late model Jackson Galaxy."

"THAT'S HIS NAME"

"That's what it says on the screen right there."

"I. HATE. HIM. SO. MUCH. TELL HIM I HATE HIM"

I haven't seen him this outraged since the Pomplamoose Hyundai commercials were on the air.

So if I were going to call Jackson Galaxy for any reason, it would be to watch Mr. Mustachio fly into a howling berserker rage. I doubt this would have any positive effect on the cats, but it would probably be pretty funny.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:41 PM on May 7, 2011


Does anyone else tend to think that russians always look like they're handling cats and dogs like meat
posted by tehloki at 10:42 PM on May 7, 2011


Sorry. Crash test added nothing to cuteness of kittens.
posted by Goofyy at 11:32 PM on May 7, 2011


Maybe not cuteness, but the dents sure add character
posted by Sportbilly at 11:40 PM on May 7, 2011 [4 favorites]


If this at all constitutes animal cruelty I don't care if we are on a slippery slope to monkey brain pincushions and puppy sex slaves.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:44 PM on May 7, 2011 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: a slippery slope to monkey brain pincushions and puppy sex slaves.
posted by desjardins at 5:20 AM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


(It's hard to balance a kitten on a bassett hound, BTW.)
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:51 PM on May 7


A bird is easier.
posted by bentley at 5:52 AM on May 8, 2011


Kitten re-creations of Godzilla vs Mothra was a field of study of mine as a child. I only wish that was able to record the footage for subsequent generations of Kitten Academia.
posted by helmutdog at 9:02 AM on May 8, 2011


Best of the Mraaaw
posted by Namlit at 1:52 PM on May 8, 2011


I found myself rooting for the kitten on the left.
posted by Plemer at 2:27 PM on May 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sure, the one that appears first in frame is clearly the protagonist.
posted by contraption at 6:06 PM on May 8, 2011


Showed this video to my girlfriend who was instantly horrified that I'd think it was cute. "What if it was two human babies on screen?", she asked. "Hon, that's an entirely different proposition for a whole stack of reasons. Besides, kittens run in to each other all the time anyway!".

My girlfriend then extended the analogy to it being okay to kidnap women and make them grind up against each other for one's amusement, 'cause hey - strippers do it all the time, so it's not cruel or anything, right? which I suggested was maybe a little bit of a slippery slope to go down.

THANKS FOR NOTHIN', METAFILTER! [/hamburger]
posted by MarchHare at 8:09 PM on May 9, 2011


MarchHare: I know I forgot to take my meds today, but what? *blink* *blinkblinkblink* I..I don't even....
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 8:33 PM on May 9, 2011


Cat Pie Hurts: Not to worry unduly - it quickly coalesced into "I love that we can have contrarian arguments for fun without one or both of us getting all butthurt", hence the [hamburger].
posted by MarchHare at 9:03 PM on May 9, 2011


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