Every one a little lawyer.

May 15, 2011 9:43 PM

“Watching the video I thought that it was wise of Major League Baseball to combine this sort of sentimental moment with mass speculative litigation. It kept brand values strong. I felt strangely grateful that I could have a moment to remember that afternoon. Surprised by the evidence of both copyright violation and father-daughter affection.” —Paul Ford, “Nanolaw with Daughter”

The subtitle will break your heart.

posted by kipmanley (26 comments total)

Holy shit. That's the best (terrifying) fiction I've read on a blog ever.
posted by mathowie at 9:58 PM on May 15, 2011 [11 favorites]

IANYL, but as a lawyer working on the current rash of movie-downloading copyright suits, I have to say, this is not terribly pie-in-the-sky speculation.
posted by spacewrench at 10:07 PM on May 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

Horrifyingly good read, thanks.
posted by unliteral at 10:10 PM on May 15, 2011

I'm pretty sure Paul Ford is a member here...
posted by gen at 11:33 PM on May 15, 2011

The problem with this scenario is that it's so goddamned inefficient. No system like that is going to last. The RIAA even stopped suing people years ago.
posted by empath at 11:57 PM on May 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

That was fabulous. Thanks.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 11:57 PM on May 15, 2011

The problem with this scenario is that it's so goddamned inefficient. No system like that is going to last. The RIAA even stopped suing people years ago.

Well, that's the problem with spam, too: why would anyone ever take the time to hand-type a million emails about viagra, one by one, and send them to random people?
posted by verb at 12:13 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

That's a technical issue, not a legal one. You aren't going to be allowed to spam the courts.
posted by empath at 12:34 AM on May 16, 2011

That's a technical issue, not a legal one. You aren't going to be allowed to spam the courts.

But it seems like these aren't going to court but are being resolved by some automated arbitration system... when his daughter accepted her baseball game license/ticket there was probably fine print requiring her to accept said arbitration.
posted by ennui.bz at 3:19 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

That was worryingly realistic. Well written, thanks for sharing kipmanley.
posted by arcticseal at 3:38 AM on May 16, 2011

See also the recent mass lawsuit against 23,000 Bittorrent users. I imagine this is what the author was thinking of when he wrote this piece.

Filing fees remain a barrier to efficient suits, I guess, but there are definitely people working out ways to sue lots and lots of people at once.
posted by ftrain at 3:46 AM on May 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

I don't care how much it costs me, I'm not giving up my Belgian beers.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 3:56 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is absolutely hilarious, thanks for posting.
posted by Fizz at 4:45 AM on May 16, 2011

It's cute when it's just a piece of fiction on the internet. Someday in the future when this is considered prescient it won't be so cute.
posted by COD at 5:38 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

GRIFFINSUIT LAWFLOW v.5.8

User 0981273,

YOU ARE COMMANDED to appear at courthouse 2390483209 on 19th May, 2037.

ALTERNATELY, you may pay the listed damages, below.

CLAIM SUMMARY: copyright infringement; while reading "Nanolaw with Daughter", user made a copy of the story in his brain without authorization

DAMAGES: USD 0.10 [Pay now with Paypal]

***********

This is a great story that, scarily, hits quite close to home. Thanks!
posted by Grimp0teuthis at 6:34 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

That's a technical issue, not a legal one. You aren't going to be allowed to spam the courts.

Why not? What if the technology of the courts catches up?
posted by maryr at 7:37 AM on May 16, 2011

Now that is a dystopia. Great story, though Iain M. Banks would have done it as a throw-away line.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:05 AM on May 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

The OLD Iain M. Banks maybe. Not the one who wrote Surface Detail.
posted by ftrain at 8:19 AM on May 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Egads. That was great and funny, but also just disturbing enough that I kind of wish I hadn't read it over coffee on Monday morning.
posted by homunculus at 9:41 AM on May 16, 2011

That was fantastic ftrain, but now I've, again, become completely preoccupied with how I'm going to deal with my son's eventual introduction to the internet.
posted by eyeballkid at 10:36 AM on May 16, 2011

and the video was irrevocably destroyed so that it could never again be shared.

That's the only part of the story I found completely unbelievable.
posted by straight at 11:00 AM on May 16, 2011

Reminds me of the algorithmic lawsuits/shell companies from Accelerando.
posted by Eideteker at 12:03 PM on May 16, 2011

Wow.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:26 PM on May 16, 2011

I imagine this is what the author was thinking of when he wrote this piece.
-ftrain

Not to be dense but isn't that you?
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:30 PM on May 16, 2011

LobsterMitten, yes. I'm having fun.
posted by ftrain at 4:23 PM on May 16, 2011

Heh. Well, I like your story.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:16 PM on May 16, 2011