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Burnside is holdin' it down
June 1, 2011 11:57 AM   Subscribe

The Smithsonian asks: Who had the best Civil War Facial Hair?
posted by illenion (115 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
Ambrose Burnside.
Eponysterical.
posted by Kabanos at 12:01 PM on June 1, 2011 [6 favorites]


George Crook did a good job with the French Fork, but in the end I had to cast my vote for an old favorite and give the nod to Ambrose Burnside. He's the only one who actually had a facial hairstyle named after him, after all.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:01 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


I went for Carter Littlepage Stevenson, because it looks like his sideburns almost go INTO his mouth.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:02 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


On lack of preview: Not eponysterical at all, Kabanos. Sideburns were originally known as "burnsides."
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:02 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


Yeah, they don't call him Ambrose Burnside for nothing. Those chops are hawt.
posted by phunniemee at 12:02 PM on June 1, 2011


That is a tough call. For me it's gotta be Alpheus Williams or Christopher C. Augur.
posted by Hoopo at 12:02 PM on June 1, 2011


Since it's the Smithsonian, I'll take it seriously.

More facial hair from the past: Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century, a blog.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:03 PM on June 1, 2011


Also, John Dunlap Stevenson looks like the dude from Orange County Choppers
posted by Hoopo at 12:04 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


I gotta give Abram Wakeman some credit for his dedication to the rarely-seen hairbib.
posted by theodolite at 12:05 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Very satisfying picking Burnside before even seeing his name.
posted by furtive at 12:05 PM on June 1, 2011


And also because it's the Smithsonian, the comments are actually decent (note: there are one set of comments for all the images).
posted by filthy light thief at 12:07 PM on June 1, 2011


Wow, I have never taken an internet vote so seriously. I mean, wow, those are all some serious contenders. I just tried to imagine which guy would stop me in my tracks if he passed me on a busy city sidewalk. Actually, which contenders would stop me in my tracks on a crowded sidewalk full of hipsters with quirky facial hair. George Crook and John Haskell King really round out the top three, but you just can't deny the perfection in name and hair migration pattern of Ambrose Burnsides.
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 12:07 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


See also: Beards in Battle. (Sadly sold out.)
posted by me3dia at 12:09 PM on June 1, 2011


It's as though everyone in the Civil War was trying to look like terriers
posted by Hoopo at 12:09 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


John Haskell King's mustache really ties the whole rug together. I don't think anyone else managed that except for Burnside, but he seems like the easy, unreflective choice. The rest just have old man, vagrant and scallywag beards. Scoundrels, the lot of them.
posted by stavrogin at 12:09 PM on June 1, 2011


Holy crap--is this site using a clunky implementation of iframes? Why, yes it is. For shame, Smithsonian Institute, for shame!
posted by saulgoodman at 12:12 PM on June 1, 2011


I consider myself uniquely qualified to judge this.

And... y'all do know that sideburns were named after Burnside? Right???
posted by hippybear at 12:14 PM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


Anyway, the answer is clear: Jeff Daniels in Gettysburg. LOVE that big ol' moustache.
posted by hippybear at 12:15 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


I vote for Colonel Beardneck
posted by found missing at 12:15 PM on June 1, 2011 [6 favorites]


I ended up voting for W.B. Hazen. He's the one I'd be most likely to chat up at the leather/biker bar, anyway...
posted by hippybear at 12:16 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sideburns were originally known as "burnsides."

Wow- I had no idea!

In that case, I'd like to propose that Abram Wakeman's moustacheless beard be called a Manwake.
posted by Kabanos at 12:17 PM on June 1, 2011 [17 favorites]


Adelbert Ames, stylish, simple, classic.
posted by oddman at 12:17 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


I voted Christopher C. Augur just because that expression of smoldering, furrow-browed, Native American-hating intensity he's wearing really sells the look for me.
posted by saulgoodman at 12:20 PM on June 1, 2011


How timely! I started watching Gettysburg for the first time last night, and I'm having a really hard time getting past the comically bad fake facial hair. Tom Berenger's ridiculous fun-fur beard is offset to some extent by Sam Elliott's epic (real) moustache, though.
posted by usonian at 12:21 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


I don't see Abraham Lincoln on there anywhere ...
posted by Curious Artificer at 12:22 PM on June 1, 2011


I ended up voting for W.B. Hazen. He's the one I'd be most likely to chat up at the leather/biker bar, anyway...

Clearly a scoundrel. You wouldn't be able to let him alone with a young lady for a quarter of an hour before he'd strike terror into her heart with his libertine banter and slather her ankles with his lacivious gaze. She'd be good for nothing but a convent. You might as well select an Irishman.
posted by stavrogin at 12:23 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


Is there a cultural explanation on why facial hair was so common and varied back then? Just the fad I suppose?
posted by Think_Long at 12:23 PM on June 1, 2011


No love for John McAllister Schofield and his beard of bees?
posted by ryanshepard at 12:25 PM on June 1, 2011


Amateurs. Hiram Ricker has the best facial hair of all time.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 12:26 PM on June 1, 2011 [8 favorites]


J.A. Hardie is getting no love.
posted by drezdn at 12:27 PM on June 1, 2011


He's not a contender, but every time I see a picture of Grant, I'm always amazed at the apparent thickness of his beard. It looks like you'd need a machete to get to his chin.

I also love the fact that, in every picture I've ever seen, Sherman looks like he just woke up after sleeping a few hours on someone's couch.
posted by COBRA! at 12:27 PM on June 1, 2011 [4 favorites]


I ended up voting for W.B. Hazen. He's the one I'd be most likely to chat up at the leather/biker bar, anyway...

Clearly a scoundrel. You wouldn't be able to let him alone with a young lady for a quarter of an hour before he'd strike terror into her heart with his libertine banter and slather her ankles with his lacivious gaze. She'd be good for nothing but a convent. You might as well select an Irishman.


Hate to tell you this, but that ain't no lady...
posted by ennui.bz at 12:28 PM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


found missing: "I vote for Colonel Beardneck"

He fought for the Prussians, actually.
posted by Apropos of Something at 12:28 PM on June 1, 2011


John Haskell King's whole thing is just amazing. It's like when little girls hold their long, shiny hair under their noses to make a mustache. So soft and pretty.

Also: Can you imagine how filthy these guys' beards must have been? Gah. Even generals didn't have time to wash their beards every day, I imagine.
posted by peachfuzz at 12:29 PM on June 1, 2011


WB Hazen and Albert Ames looks like dudes you could chat up at a bar.

But JEB Stuart and Romeyn B Ayres seems like jolly fellows at a backyard bbq. I might have to go with one of those two.
posted by CancerMan at 12:29 PM on June 1, 2011


Related: Ponytails at the game developer's conference
posted by hellojed at 12:31 PM on June 1, 2011 [5 favorites]


Is there a cultural explanation on why facial hair was so common and varied back then? Just the fad I suppose?

I imagine straight razors had a lot to do with it. If the only way to shave your face is to use an implement which could quite easily cut your throat a beard is an appealing alternative.
posted by Jawn at 12:32 PM on June 1, 2011


You people are crazy. Unidentified Soldier beats them in best facial hair and most unfortunate name.
posted by emelenjr at 12:32 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


Related: Ponytails at the game developer's conference

Nothing about that link indicates that I should click on it, never the less find it funny, and yet....I am peeing my pants. A Bronx Tail! The Trophy Wife! The English Teacher!
posted by tristeza at 12:36 PM on June 1, 2011


Is there a cultural explanation on why facial hair was so common and varied back then?

I've heard the theory (for mustaches at least) that facial hair can help mask facial expressions, especially those of distress. So, it can be an attempt to hide a sign of fear. This supposedly explains why so many police and military people rock the lip caterpillars these days.
posted by drezdn at 12:40 PM on June 1, 2011


Unidentified Soldier beats them in best facial hair and most unfortunate name.

I'm pretty sure you could find someone in Williamsburg (Brooklyn, not Colonial) with that exact facial hair right now. If you went up to him, got him off his fixie and told him he was sporting an awesome Unidentified Soldier, I bet you'd start a trend. But it would be obscure and you probably wouldn't have heard of it.
posted by The Bellman at 12:41 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


I ended up voting for W.B. Hazen. He's the one I'd be most likely to chat up at the leather/biker bar, anyway...

You wouldn't be able to let him alone with a young lady for a quarter of an hour before he'd strike terror into her heart with his libertine banter and slather her ankles with his lacivious gaze.


I doubt someone with those proclivities would even be in the kind of bar I'm talking about....
posted by hippybear at 12:43 PM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


I eventually went for Adelbert Ames (at least partially for the name). I rejected those with unkempt hair because I'm looking for something with a little more class and sophistication and not just something that says "Razors? Never heard of them".
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 12:46 PM on June 1, 2011


Is it me, or does Burnside look like he should be played by Kelsey Grammer in whatever next Civil War miniseries gets made?
posted by briank at 12:56 PM on June 1, 2011


The Smithsonian Institution has a thing for facial hair lately.
posted by exogenous at 12:56 PM on June 1, 2011


Yes these antebellum (I assume) beards are quite nice but can we also address these strong musky names:

Christopher C. Augur - I doubt he was boring. And Winfield Hancock - Half his name is 'Wincock'!
posted by serif at 1:00 PM on June 1, 2011


Robert E. Lee. Simple, dignified. Most is not always better.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:00 PM on June 1, 2011


Worden for the win.
posted by klangklangston at 1:06 PM on June 1, 2011


Benjamin Alvord hasn't bought into the idea of this competition at all, very poor attempt.
posted by selton at 1:13 PM on June 1, 2011


Joshua Chamberlain (played by Jeff Bridges in Gettysburg) was able to charge double for his mustache rides.
posted by drezdn at 1:26 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


I vote for Colonel Beardneck

Colonel J.D. Naird, you mean?
posted by bpm140 at 1:35 PM on June 1, 2011


Yes, and Bridges has some of the only fake facial hair in that movie that's worth a damn.

Seriously... a nearly-5-hour movie with a giant budget and you can't get good fake beards for a fucking Civil War movie? Your producer is lame and should be fired.

I mean, maybe it's his own moustache. He does grow a very nice beard.
posted by hippybear at 1:40 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


(I've seriously tried to grow that moustache... it's really difficult. I have yet to figure out exactly how to get mine to do all of that. And now I'm inspired to try again. Hrm.

The best thing about growing facial hair is, it requires WAY less effort than the alternative.)
posted by hippybear at 1:42 PM on June 1, 2011


Dammit, everyone I want to vote for appears to be a genocidal fuckhead.
posted by elizardbits at 1:42 PM on June 1, 2011


((And Gettysburg is sitting on my DVR waiting for me to have the ambition to watch it again. Maybe that will happen tonight or tomorrow. Yay!))
posted by hippybear at 1:43 PM on June 1, 2011


Dammit, everyone I want to vote for appears to be a genocidal fuckhead.

You do know it's a beauty contest and not based on personality or achievement, right? There isn't even a talent portion or bathing suit segment. Just formal dress and "do you like how this looks"?
posted by hippybear at 1:44 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


or bathing suit segment

oh my god, this mental image.
posted by elizardbits at 1:45 PM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


...and my work here is done. *bows*
posted by hippybear at 1:48 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


I vote civilian: Horace Greeley's epic neckbeard
posted by needsnoprosecutor at 1:48 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


I love their expressions. They seem to be saying "Look upon my facial hair, ye hipsters, and despair."

I think I'm voting for Adelbert Ames.
posted by gingerbeer at 1:49 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


And Gettysburg is sitting on my DVR waiting for me to have the ambition to watch it again. Maybe that will happen tonight or tomorrow. Yay!

My son watched it this afternoon, and found it full of historical inaccuracies. He was quite disappointed and told me not to even bother with it.
posted by COD at 1:49 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


JEB Stuart's beard is so lush it looks like he is making out with a muppet.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:50 PM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


...in a leopard print speedo manthong?
posted by elizardbits at 1:52 PM on June 1, 2011


I guess I gotta come from left field and cast my vote for Adelbert Ames. I think he has the overall scariest look.
posted by lumpenprole at 1:53 PM on June 1, 2011


My son watched it this afternoon, and found it full of historical inaccuracies.

Well, even the true pedants say it's worth watching. Honestly, I saw it in the theater and haven't seen it since (unlike Glory, which I've watched so many times I can't watch it anymore). I'd mostly be watching it for the uniform and facial hair porn anyway. I doubt historical accuracy is something the filmmakers were going for 100%, and as a viewer I'm not overly concerned with it.
posted by hippybear at 1:54 PM on June 1, 2011


What is this kiddie corner stuff? I like history, I like beards, I even enjoy silly internet polls - but I don't think this is a good advertisement for the Smithsonian. It's silly and trivial, and undermines the serious scholastic mission of the institution. When the GOP wants to cut public funding this sort of nonsense provides them with a ready-made target. OK, they'll try to cut funding anyway, but I really can't see the value in such lowbrow traffic whoring.
posted by anigbrowl at 1:59 PM on June 1, 2011


Sure, Burnside is sporting an impressive face critter, but look at Alpheus Williams! That shit is so bad-ass, it'll wait till he falls asleep, jump off his face, come to your work and beat your lunch money out of you.

I voted for him.
posted by quin at 1:59 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


I just popped in to check if anyone had made the obvious 'lowbrow' joke. Imagine my surprise...
posted by tigrefacile at 2:03 PM on June 1, 2011


I've always felt that Robert E. Lee's firstborn, George Washington Custis Lee, harboured an impressively hip beard for 1865.
posted by tapesonthefloor at 2:03 PM on June 1, 2011


What is this kiddie corner stuff?

Wait, what?

Have you ever read Smithsonian Magazine? You do realize this is for Smithsonian Magazine, right? Not the museum, which has its own website?

Smithsonian Magazine has always had a great mix of high-brow and low-brow appeal, with silly articles right next to really pretty good scholarship.

I think your focus and your ire about this particular segment of a website which you don't even really know where it's coming from are entirely misplaced.
posted by hippybear at 2:03 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


lowbrow

heh
posted by found missing at 2:04 PM on June 1, 2011


What is this kiddie corner stuff?

And the Air and Space Museum has the model of the starship Enterprise that was used in the opening credits of the original Star Trek! Hanging right there in public! Near the Spirit of St. Louis! It's as if they're trying to make learning stuff interesting and accessible to everyone, not just serious boring scholars! Like their mandate is to serve the public or something! It's an outrage!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:10 PM on June 1, 2011 [8 favorites]


It's not about the expressions, or a fear of straight razors. In the early 19th century most men were clean-shaven.

It was just a fad. Likewise, hoop skirts were not the result of womens' desire to flash their knickers if they fell down.

You could if you like tie exuberant facial hair to a desire to break free of oppressive male roles, but more than likely, it was just something to do.
posted by emjaybee at 2:10 PM on June 1, 2011


Joshua Chamberlain (played by Jeff Bridges in Gettysburg)
Yes, and Bridges has some of the only fake facial hair in that movie that's worth a damn.

DANIELS, PEOPLE.

But Bridges can grow a beard too...
posted by cabingirl at 2:18 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Have you ever read Smithsonian Magazine? You do realize this is for Smithsonian Magazine, right? Not the museum, which has its own website?

The one reflects upon the other.

It's as if they're trying to make learning stuff interesting and accessible to everyone, not just serious boring scholars!

Then frame it appropriately. I do not buy into this accessibility argument; widespread availability of something mediocre is not necessarily an improvement upon the limited availability of something good. This seems like the pegagogical equivalent of crack cocaine or HFCS-laced soda.
posted by anigbrowl at 2:26 PM on June 1, 2011


I don't want to live in your joyless world.
posted by found missing at 2:31 PM on June 1, 2011 [7 favorites]


I am clearly slacking on my facial hairstyle.
posted by cashman at 2:37 PM on June 1, 2011


Yes, sorry. I got Daniels correct in my first mention of him early in the thread. My bad.

The one reflects upon the other.

Only if, you know, you don't actually bother to look at the URL for the website you're viewing.
posted by hippybear at 2:38 PM on June 1, 2011


Yeah, they don't call him Ambrose Burnside for nothing. Those chops are hawt.
posted by phunniemee


That answers the question I came here to ask, namely: Did these items contribute to the furtherance of their DNA?
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:39 PM on June 1, 2011


Then frame it appropriately.

I, too, was dismayed by the lack of a 4,000 word essay exhaustively detailing the history of 19th century facial hair fashion trends. But SOMEBODY's gotta stay in the back taxonomically classifying all those new beetles, and what with the budget cuts and all....

Jeez, dude.

Lighten up.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:40 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Christopher C. Auger, because, apart from the wonderful facial foliage, he appears to be the best at staring.
posted by ob at 2:44 PM on June 1, 2011


I've been trying to convince my wife to let me grow a beard. (She just shudders when I mention it.) I will not be sending her this link.
posted by maxwelton at 2:44 PM on June 1, 2011


Where's Edwin M. Stanton? His beard was a technicolor dream beard!
posted by Hey Dean Yeager! at 2:58 PM on June 1, 2011


It's good to see Ambrose Burnside is destroying the competition for votes. He didn't have sideburns named after him for nothing.
posted by oozy rat in a sanitary zoo at 2:59 PM on June 1, 2011


Only if, you know, you don't actually bother to look at the URL for the website you're viewing.

I know what the Smithsonian magazine is. I got junk mail from them yesterday and they have an advert at the top of the page in question. Asserting that the Smithsonian magazine is not linked in the public consciousness with the Smithsonian Institution is like thinking that Ronald McDonald has no influence on the consumption of fast food.

I am fine with this sort of stuff existing for fun - on the kid's page, or as a 'lighter side' filler, or as a mashup which links to a public data repository, for example. It doesn't require a 4000 word essay, it just requires a 'not serious' semantic tag to delineate it properly. My point is that using it for marketing outreach, which is what this is, devalues the resource and (indirectly) the underlying scholarly purpose.

Yeah, that sounds stuffy and get-off-my-lawnish, so I'll bow out here. But maybe you'll remember it next time you see some op-ed demonizing the educational establishment for a lack of economic utility.
posted by anigbrowl at 3:01 PM on June 1, 2011


Joshua Chamberlain (played by Jeff [Daniels] in Gettysburg) was able to charge double for his mustache rides.

You try that today, and OSHA will demand protective rails, caution markers, and flashing lights mounted along the jawline and forehead in no time.

I guess it could work out well at a Civil War-themed swinger rave dance party, I suppose.
posted by chambers at 3:06 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Lincoln, because he grew one when elected.
posted by clavdivs at 3:10 PM on June 1, 2011


It is not the quantity, sirrah! It is the obvious quality.
posted by Bushrod Johnson at 3:15 PM on June 1, 2011


Kiiinda developing a thing for J.E.B. Stuart over here. He definitely wins for lushness, and for looking like a silent film star wearing a costume beard. Also, according to his Wiki page, "a fellow officer remarked that he was 'the only man he ever saw that [a] beard improved'" because he had a weak chin and I guess the other West Point guys thought he was uggo, although I don't know where they got that from. I'd cuddle with his beard any day.
posted by MadamM at 3:15 PM on June 1, 2011


Is John Lorimer Worden's beard eating his coat buttons?
posted by orme at 3:19 PM on June 1, 2011


Come on, Smithsonian Magazine! How can you have a write-up on J.E.B. Stuart without mentioning that he's the guy in the Haunted Tank!
posted by Tesseractive at 3:20 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


Where's Sherman? It's really just stubble, but what stubble! He looks like the most disheveled man on earth.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 3:25 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


This seems like as good an opportunity as any to link to Let's Get Jiggy with Civil War Dudes!
posted by Flunkie at 3:29 PM on June 1, 2011


I picked JEB Stuart, but did pause for a long time over the unknown soldier. He was scarier but JEB was cuter.
posted by mermayd at 3:33 PM on June 1, 2011


My point is that using it for marketing outreach, which is what this is, devalues the resource and (indirectly) the underlying scholarly purpose.

I fail to see any indication on the webpage of the FPP which shows that it is for marketing outreach (unless you think that having it posted here in MetaFilter is a marketing tool, in which case you should be denouncing it as Pepsi Blue and seeking to get it removed), and I don't see any requirement in anything related to the Smithsonian beyond Smithson's bequest which should be used to create "an establishment for the increase and diffusion of knowledge among men". Not even sure that the Smithsonian is part of the "educational establishment", as you've suggested.

Not sure if that's a mission toward scholarship (as you suggest) or simply a mission toward getting people interested in exploring what is in the world around them. Which this does admirably, as it has people looking at the photos and names of people who lived 150 years ago and places them in the context of the war they fought in. Already some in this thread have mentioned that they're looking up who these people were trying not to vote for the genocidal bastards amongst them. Others have looked up people who aren't even on the list and shared what they've found here.

You seem, indeed, to live in a joyless world. I'm sorry about that. This bit of nonsense was fun and in no way harmful to the reputation of any long-standing system of museums, nor a popular history magazine which shares its name, nor anyone who has read this thread. Except maybe you, by making you look like a sourpuss.
posted by hippybear at 3:48 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


That answers the question I came here to ask, namely: Did these items contribute to the furtherance of their DNA?

I dunno. I've been sporting the Burnside for a good while, but my DNA has yet to find furtherance from it. Then again, perhaps their puissance is diminished in this bold new era of Ed Hardy neck tattoo as signifier-of-stamina.
posted by mumkin at 3:49 PM on June 1, 2011


Titus Andronicus, silly beards and Cracked lists are more likely to inspire me to learn more about the Civil War than a million lectures.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 3:53 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow, Sherman even looks disheveled in sculpture.
posted by usonian at 3:54 PM on June 1, 2011


Having glanced at Stuart's Wikipedia entry, I will concur that he had a damn weak chin, and the beard probably improved it.

Burnside, though: name aside, he just had the perfect combination of ludicrous and dapper in that facial hair. So shapely!

Adelbert Ames is very close though, similarly precise in its weirdness. (Also, great-grandfather of George Plimpton? Huh.)
posted by epersonae at 3:57 PM on June 1, 2011


James Allen Hardie is gettin' no love over there.

Probably because he looks like your one stoner roommate that never really talked to anyone and was only seen when he went out to the kitchen in his saggy faded boxer shorts to grab some of the raw hot dogs that seemed to be his only form of subsistence. Somehow he managed to acquire a girlfriend, who would run directly to his room. You could tell when they were having sex because this series of odd, high pitched barks could be heard through his door. Then one day, he just disappeared - moved out, nobody remembers anything except for maybe you saw him carrying a box through the hallway.

So that's why he only has 97 votes. I'm fond of this one myself. It looks like two squirrels kissing under his nose.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:07 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


"It's really just stubble, but what stubble! He looks like the most disheveled man on earth."

Its like a magical forest of alcoholism, neglect, and monstrous understanding of the incomprehensible evil of war
posted by Blasdelb at 4:08 PM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


It looks like two squirrels kissing under his nose.

Better than it being two squirrel-hands kissing under his nose.
posted by hippybear at 4:17 PM on June 1, 2011


Sherman looks like a Civil War era Jason Kendall.
posted by drezdn at 4:30 PM on June 1, 2011


My point is that using it for marketing outreach, which is what this is, devalues the resource and (indirectly) the underlying scholarly purpose.

STOP HAVING FUN YOU GUYS! YOU'RE HAVING TOO MUCH FUN STOP IT!
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 4:31 PM on June 1, 2011


Blasdelb: ""It's really just stubble, but what stubble! He looks like the most disheveled man on earth."

Its like a magical forest of alcoholism, neglect, and monstrous understanding of the incomprehensible evil of war
"

Did someone call for Ulysses S Grant?
posted by Splunge at 4:35 PM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


Lot of showing off going on, which real men have no need of. No Most Man That Ever Was? How about John Pegram, handsomest man in Richmond who married the most beautiful woman in the south?
posted by IndigoJones at 5:33 PM on June 1, 2011


I think General McClellan (which they didn't include) was a very handsome man. Gawdawful general, but handsome.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:38 PM on June 1, 2011


McClellan once refered to Lincoln as "The original gorilla" which he lifted from Stanton.
Huh, he distrusted Lincoln with his war plans saying he might leak them then goes and lays out the plan to the NY Herald.

facial hair ruckus is fraky.
posted by clavdivs at 7:32 PM on June 1, 2011


J.E.B. Stuart, on learning that his Virginia-born father-in-law would serve the Union: "He will regret it but once, and that will be continuously." Stuart was a famous leader of the Confederate cavalry and his father-in-law, Philip St. George Cooke, wrote a manual on cavalry tactics. Cooke resigned shortly after Stuart led his cavalry in a ride around the Union army during the Peninsula Campaign, and Cooke failed to stop him.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:53 PM on June 1, 2011


Maximilian in Mexico

Following the Civil War, Grant, as commanding general, immediately had to contend with Maximilian and the French army who had taken over Mexico under the authority of Napoleon III. Grant put military pressure on the French Army to leave Mexico by sending 50,000 troops to the south Texas border led by Phil Sheridan. Grant secretly told Sheridan to do whatever it took to get Maximilian to abdicate and the French Army to leave Mexico. Sheridan sent Benito Juárez, the ousted leader of Mexico, 60,000 U.S. rifles to aid in an effort to defeat Maximillian. By 1866, the French Army completely withdrew from Mexico, leaving Maximilian to fend for himself. Maximilian, who had been installed as the Emperor of Mexico in 1864, was executed by the Mexican Army in 1867.[35]


If it wasn't for the good 'ol US of A, Mexico would be speaking French? My head asplodes...
posted by Splunge at 9:02 PM on June 1, 2011


As for the "it's not serious enough" kerfluffle, in college, my girlfriend had a subscription to their magazine, and every time it came, we immediately flipped to the back page, where it would have tongue in cheek "How to" guides. The one I remember best was How to Become a Romantic Poet, where one of the steps was that you needed to develope a wasting illness. There were some hilarious guides, including, if I recall, a pretty funny one on how to become a privateer.

The rest of the magazine was full of scholarly articles and high brow stuff. It's having that, and only that, with no touch of humor, that allows people to claim that it's elitist, or not for the people, which means its funding should be cut. It doesn't really matter what you do, you're going to have people clamoring for cutting public funding. Might as well have some fun while you're doing it.

And personally, I'm feeling a little love for Romeyn B. Ayres, whose beard seems likely to stop bullets and woodland animals from harming him.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:17 PM on June 1, 2011


Adelbert...Adelbert...Adelbert....Aaaaadelbert....Aaaaaaaadelbert
posted by Confess, Fletch at 9:29 PM on June 1, 2011


No love for John Lorimer Worden? He gets my vote.

The one I remember best was How to Become a Romantic Poet, where one of the steps was that you needed to develope a wasting illness.

Is this online anywhere?

Not that I plan on using it to remake my life or anything. Found one guide that looks good.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:36 PM on June 1, 2011


I've never seen it anywhere, unfortunately. This was maybe 96-97, and they stopped running the back page how-to's some time during that one year subscription. They were pretty damn funny though.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:54 PM on June 1, 2011


John Haskell King. He's got the whole package -- facial hair perfectly integrated with his hair hair. The bare-chin beard / walrus-stache-melded-with-sideburns are a classic 19th century look, but blended with the little girl's pixie cut? What's not to love?

Pfft. You people.
posted by Capt. Renault at 6:55 AM on June 2, 2011


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