Kitchen Nightmare

June 5, 2011 2:17 AM

A trailer for a British rom-com Love's Kitchen (previously known as No Ordinary Trifle ) recently appeared, notable for a cameo by chef Gordon Ramsay playing himself. The reaction was somewhat negative. Perhaps it's no coincidence that the trailer was taken down and replaced with a slightly improved version but handily the original had been reposted here.
posted by fearfulsymmetry (63 comments total)

Thankfully they seem to have given away the entire plot in the original trailer.
posted by gronkpan at 2:30 AM on June 5, 2011

Oh god, the heinous British man/American woman pairing.

Why don't they just bring back Whites?
posted by Summer at 2:34 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh god, the heinous British man/American woman pairing.

They are couple in real life, hence the sizzling on-screen chemistry exhibited

Oh and thanks to Popbitch for introducing me to this and pointing out that in the original trailer they actually manage to spell Ramsay's name wrong in the end credits.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:46 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I agree, that wasn't a trailer, that was a short. What would be the point of seeing the movie at this point?
posted by tomswift at 3:14 AM on June 5, 2011 [8 favorites]

Wow. That looks ghastly.

What I found most alarming, though, about that trailer is that old leatherface doing his "Kitchen Nightmares" earnest-and-exasperated schtick doesn't seem at all out of place amid the rest of the staggeringly bad acting that seems to be on show.
posted by kxr at 3:18 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

You want a restaurant movie? Here's a restaurant movie.
posted by tomswift at 3:19 AM on June 5, 2011 [7 favorites]

Shit. I'm gonna hafta watch this. Christopher Lee plays one of the local yokels.
posted by likeso at 3:22 AM on June 5, 2011

Is it just me, or does the entire trailer alternate between harsh lighting and a muddy dark look? Nothing looks quite real.

This is, however, a truly golden one-of-a-kind bad trailer and I am delighted. It has brightened up my morning, although I must ask - are we sure this isn't an elaborate joke?
posted by NoiselessPenguin at 3:36 AM on June 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

"I don't do pretentious. I do real food, with real heart."

"Wow, that is...no...ordinary...trifle. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but that is some seriously sexy pudding."

Someone called in some giant favours (or backed a dumptruck full of money up to someone's house) to get the wrinkly-foreheaded enfant terrible of the televised kitchen to spend a few hours on the set of one of those films where the same name appears in the credits next to all three of Producer, Writer and Director, the kind of movie that nobody would have heard of at all if a slightly fading celebrity wasn't being paid to embarrass himself by appearing in it for 45 seconds?

Excellent.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 3:54 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is the best Canadian hockey restaurant movie ever.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:59 AM on June 5, 2011

Needs remixing with scenes and dialogue from Hot Fuzz.
posted by emmtee at 4:14 AM on June 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

This seems more like taking the piss than a real trailer..
posted by cj_ at 4:28 AM on June 5, 2011

I kept waiting for the scratching record sound right before Ramsay exclaims, "There are MUPPETS in this movie!!??"
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:28 AM on June 5, 2011 [18 favorites]

"Take a pinch of Love Actually, mix in a dash of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, add a spoonful of tears and then stir it for the rest of your natural life with a stick made of pure awfulness."

A truly great review.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:31 AM on June 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Coldplay in film form.
posted by panaceanot at 4:49 AM on June 5, 2011 [9 favorites]

Oh god, the heinous British man/American woman pairing.

posted by Summer at 10:34 AM on June 5

Don't knock it until you've tried it. :-)
posted by Decani at 4:56 AM on June 5, 2011 [10 favorites]

"If this is a rom-com, kill the director..."
posted by pompomtom at 5:05 AM on June 5, 2011

Don't knock it until you've tried it. :-)

Oh I'm sure in real life it's a winner. On screen, however, it's always appalling.
posted by Summer at 5:43 AM on June 5, 2011

This could have been "something" but instead it appears trite and so low on the production pole that they couldn't afford licensed music for the trailer. Is it some kind of vanity project for Ramsey Maybe?
posted by NiteMayr at 5:44 AM on June 5, 2011

Oh dear, it's BURNT, you DONKEY! Put your bollocks back in your pants and do it again, big boy!
posted by briank at 6:11 AM on June 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Oh I'm sure in real life it's a winner. On screen, however, it's always appalling.
posted by Summer at 1:43 PM on June 5

Aww, come on! What about Notting Hill?

Okay, good point.
posted by Decani at 6:14 AM on June 5, 2011

It is extremely telling that they couldn't get a Trailer Voiceover Guy to narrate the original, and chose to have Photoshopped captions popping up on menus.

This is incredible in every possible way. I almost want to see the movie just to appreciate it at greater length. I predict a very short theatrical run, if any, followed by a Daily Mail free DVD giveaway. yum yum.
posted by NoiselessPenguin at 6:45 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ok, on preview... this HAS to be satire.
posted by panaceanot at 6:52 AM on June 5, 2011

I would see this because it has that one guy from Rome in a supporting role and I find him very appealing and am happy whenever he is on-screen. I probably wouldn't pay for it, though, and in a perfect world someone who loved me would send me an edited version with just the scenes he is in.

Watching the second trailer first is an interesting exercise, because that second edit did a pretty good job of camouflaging just how bad the movie was going to be. The original trailer let that actress speak enough words consecutively that you could see how bad she was, for instance.
posted by not that girl at 6:53 AM on June 5, 2011

Wait, the official trailer includes this review: "Warm, sweet and undemanding, this is top cinematic comfort food."

Has to be a put-on.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 6:55 AM on June 5, 2011

What the holy hell was that?
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 6:59 AM on June 5, 2011

Okay, I've watched more seasons of Hell's Kitchen then I care to admit, and danced the dance with Kitchen Nightmares a few dozen times, so I guess I could be described as a Gordon Ramsay "fan." That deserves some explanation, I suppose. The problem with basing most cooking reality shows exclusively on food is that we, the audience, can't taste it. The best thing I can do in a conversation about Top Chef with anyone else watching is parrot back what the judges say, because that's the only information I have. Because Ramsay's shows are about what actual head chefs actually act like - vanity and arguably bipolar behavior included - I feel like I'm getting a bit more content.

The vanity and attention to the bottom line probably explain why Ramsay - whose success is based on being colorful in the first place - is looking to expand the brand into terrible films.
posted by Apropos of Something at 7:06 AM on June 5, 2011

So, I'm familiar with Ramsay and his reputation enough to have gladly avoided watching any of his shows. I have, unfortunately, seen snippets of his tirades. Seeing those, I have to ask the question...Are there big, hulking security thugs just off-screen, ready to pounce should one of the poor cooks come to their senses and suddenly take an iron skillet to Ramsay's head?

I mean, seriously. The guy seems to be practically begging someone to grab a knife and have a go at him.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:17 AM on June 5, 2011

I know the dead wife is meant to make us sympathize, but it's such a downer to basically see her get croaked in the trailer. On the flipside, every time I see Simon Callow I'm thrilled to realize he's alive, he did such a good job of dying in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
posted by steef at 7:40 AM on June 5, 2011

This must be part of a masterful plot to provide fodder for the triumphant return of MST3K in a few decades.
posted by jz at 7:44 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Heh. I am a filthy Britisher and have cone over to America and stolen one of your womenfolks! Ha ha! What are you going to do about it, gronkpan?
posted by Artw at 8:00 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Or Summer, even, who is not American.
posted by Artw at 8:01 AM on June 5, 2011

What are people complaining about? It's a rom-com. You go see it to watch pretty people's 10-foot tall faces reflect emotions. Claire Forlani's face has a bunch of interesting angles and Dougray Scott has delightfully tousled hair. As a plus, the theater usually has air conditioning.
posted by benito.strauss at 8:07 AM on June 5, 2011

Artw, I'm going to give you a cheer and a flag to plant in her.
posted by Summer at 8:10 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I have pregnatised her with my Britishness! Twice! Rule Britannia!
posted by Artw at 8:15 AM on June 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Gordon Ramsay Soundboard

If you watch the British version of Nightmares, you see that he has a soft spot for the "enlisted men" in kitchen and truly wants to see them develop their skills.
posted by Trurl at 8:23 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think this is the first time I've been too ashamed for everyone involved (including Ramsey, who I loathe with the fiery passion of a 1,000 suns) in a film that I couldn't even get through the trailer. Given the crap I watch on a regular basis, that's really saying something.

And the moment I saw woman on the cell in her car, I knew she was a goner, with her wanton driving while calling - it's a pity they didn't have the genius to have her texting him, because that would have been awesome. Bye, necessarily dead wife! It's sad, but you must go so that there can be comedic good times in the countryside. One day you'll appreciate the necessity for this. Oh right, you won't, because you're dead...
posted by lesbiassparrow at 8:28 AM on June 5, 2011

I'm slightly ashamed to know this, but Claire Forlani is actually English. I don't know why she's playing an American in the film.
posted by Kattullus at 8:29 AM on June 5, 2011

Oh god, the heinous British man/American woman pairing.

And they're both British. The actors at least.
posted by jontyjago at 8:31 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wow. That looks ghastly.

I didn't watch the trailer all the way through, so in my mind there's still a chance that Timon the Jew from Rome grabs a knife and butchers everyone at some point.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:31 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yes, but will it be as bad as William & Kate: The Movie?
posted by afx237vi at 8:35 AM on June 5, 2011

so in my mind there's still a chance that Timon the Jew from Rome grabs a knife and butchers everyone at some point.

That's the different between US and UK... to (most) of us Brits he'll always be Jez Quigley. Still handy with a knife mind. As he was also in the decidedly lacklustre London Boulevard I'm hoping he'll become a bad films icon.

My current theory is that the original trailer was something knocked together by a trainee and got released by accident.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:39 AM on June 5, 2011

Dougray Scott could have been Wolverine.

That must hurt.
posted by Trurl at 8:39 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

That's the different between US and UK... to (most) of us Brits he'll always be Jez Quigley. Still handy with a knife mind.

Heyheyhey there, pally:

a)Canadian, not American... though that's more of a technical difference than anything substantial, and

b) I think he came on Coronation Street just after I stopped watching.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:51 AM on June 5, 2011

Canadian, not American... Well that makes you practically English then (or French)... though hopefully you won't get majorly offended as one famous Canadian* did in an online conversation that you all sound the same (proving, in that case at least, you share not getting irony)

You missed a great one in Quigley... one of the classic Corrie villains

* No names no pack drill... let's just say it rhymed with Tory Plockterdow
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:18 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

"They're serving up a recipe for trouble". What's more offensive: the lazy sentiment, the bafflingly mixed metaphor, or the lazy comp where the text doesn't even align with the menu page?

We used to watch the Gordon Ramsay restaurant rescue shows. As a game I'd always look up the restaurant on the Internet, see how it fared after the show. Many were closed. Of the ones that were still open, reviews were almost universally negative. Then there's the lawsuits.
posted by Nelson at 9:25 AM on June 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Ok, it looks terrible, and I love romantic comedies (despite the usual terrible-ness) and unfortunately I will end up in the theater watching this thinking "oh my god, this is so bad!"

But to counter the (nicely broken down!) guardian article- there is one good kitchen/romance movie- "Mostly Martha"- the original German film that No Reservations (so bad!) was based on.
posted by bquarters at 9:35 AM on June 5, 2011

Comparison to the beginning of the new Muppets trailer is spot. on.
posted by maryr at 9:39 AM on June 5, 2011

now this is a brilliant restaurant rom-com. Almost as good as if it had muppets.
posted by jb at 9:44 AM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Here it is- just learned how to link- and no subtitles in this "Bella Martha" trailer...but with a rom-com plotline, are they really necessary??
posted by bquarters at 9:58 AM on June 5, 2011

I just think its funny that what very little wasn't given away in the original trailer was spilled in the "updated" one
posted by Blasdelb at 10:06 AM on June 5, 2011

Well, they do leave out the part where Inspector Barnaby comes in and clears everything up.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:34 AM on June 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Why the hell is this Ramsay's fault, of all people? I mean he really is an amateur actor. The rest of them are meant to be professionals, right? Did he pay them under the table to deliver their lines as woodenly as he did so he wouldn't look out of place or something?
posted by Naberius at 10:49 AM on June 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

robocop is bleeding: "I kept waiting for the scratching record sound right before Ramsay exclaims, "There are MUPPETS in this movie!!??""

Goddamn it, I came here to make that joke. It really is that awful.
posted by brundlefly at 12:55 PM on June 5, 2011

This looks terrible. So much worse than my idea of making a British version of "Deliverance" based in the Norfolk countryside.
posted by ob at 2:55 PM on June 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

I think the second trailer is actually a "teaser," which is a lengthier piece for use at sales markets. It's OK to tell more of the story in a teaser. And Vision Films is an international sales company.

Regardless, what a pile of shit.
posted by Kloryne at 3:02 PM on June 5, 2011

(... for use at FILM markets, rather.)
posted by Kloryne at 3:03 PM on June 5, 2011

that is some seriously sexy pudding

I will be waiting a long time to find the best opportunity to say this. But I will.
posted by krinklyfig at 6:47 PM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

This looks terrible. So much worse than my idea of making a British version of "Deliverance" based in the Norfolk countryside.

Or Straw Dogs set in the south.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:51 PM on June 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Or Straw Dogs set in the south.

What the hell? On so many levels, what the hell?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:03 PM on June 5, 2011

AMERICA IS TIRED OF RAMSEY. PLEASE SEND US SOMETHING DIFFERENT FROM BRITISH ENGLAND LAND.
posted by clvrmnky at 8:16 AM on June 6, 2011

Or Straw Dogs set in the south.

No, no, no, no, no.
posted by ob at 9:24 AM on June 6, 2011

So much worse than my idea of making a British version of "Deliverance" based in the Norfolk countryside.

Eden Lake, Travellers, some thing with ex-soldiers I can't remember the name of (don't think it's out yet)... been a slew of these lately
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:03 AM on June 6, 2011