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From tampons to couches, this baby destroys them all.
June 13, 2011 1:12 PM   Subscribe


 
Where the hell is OSHA when you need them.
posted by tomswift at 1:14 PM on June 13, 2011 [7 favorites]


Where the hell is OSHA when you need them.
After watching the video, probably underneath the machine.. in very small pieces.
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 1:16 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


EVERYTHING? Can it destroy itself?
posted by Bromius at 1:16 PM on June 13, 2011 [20 favorites]


Days Since Last Accident: 0

I was actually kinda mesmerized and had a craving for cookies after watching the vid though.
posted by bayani at 1:17 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


1) the music used in this video was a staple of 80s gay porn movies
2) will it blend?
posted by PapaLobo at 1:17 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


These are the same guys who did the "Grinding Nemo" press release. I corresponded with 'em to get the original press release on my web site, and not only do I want one of their machines just because it's so cool to have something that you can toss a carcass into, they're people with a sense of humor.
posted by straw at 1:17 PM on June 13, 2011


So what do they call it? The Devourer Of Souls? A Horrifying Amputation Waiting To Happen? Steve?

Steve Holt?
posted by en forme de poire at 1:17 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


tip: put something under the machine to catch the mess. Or get a college intern.
always nice to have Tampons handy. You find they are handy for lots of things.
posted by Postroad at 1:18 PM on June 13, 2011


I don't get why he threw a box of Tampax in there. That part was like a bad art school short film.

I wonder what would happen if you had two of these and sat one face down on top of the other and turned them both on.
posted by MegoSteve at 1:19 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty sure that this is the machine that killed Joe Lamb's mother in Super 8.

IT'S NOT A SPOILER. IT'S LITERALLY THE FIRST THING WE LEARN IN THE MOVIE.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:19 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


There are much, much larger versions of this machine in a previous post.

Also; safety. jesus...
posted by odinsdream at 1:19 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I would like to see it go head to head with a blendtek blender.There can be only one!
posted by Ad hominem at 1:19 PM on June 13, 2011


See also KOMAR CRUSH and the effete Evashred.
posted by Nelson at 1:20 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Lend me your shoe. Don't worry, I'll give it back.
posted by ancillary at 1:21 PM on June 13, 2011 [5 favorites]


Came for the destruction: stayed because the guys are morons (put Tampons in there!) Oops, I almost fell in!
posted by uni verse at 1:22 PM on June 13, 2011


seems to me that machine operator has some issues to sort out about a certain time of the month.
posted by any major dude at 1:22 PM on June 13, 2011 [6 favorites]


Damn hippies and your wussy shredders! A shredder shredding a 1974 Volkswagen Super Beetle.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:23 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


The tampons, pads, and women's shoes added a super creepy element. When that fat mutton chop of a hand sifted through the remains I thought for sure this was from Tim and Eric.
posted by munchingzombie at 1:23 PM on June 13, 2011 [5 favorites]


I thought this was quite cool and then I started wondering why they had a thing about grinding female sanitary products.

/Dr Freud
posted by MuffinMan at 1:23 PM on June 13, 2011


Why was U.S. Army Blanket subtitled? Does the U.S. Army make especially strong blankets?
posted by 2ghouls at 1:24 PM on June 13, 2011


Oh god. The fiberglass insulation. He must have rubbed about 5 yards of it over his bare arms. WHY!!!??!??
posted by schmod at 1:24 PM on June 13, 2011 [18 favorites]


I like the part at the end when you see him pick up a puppy by the scruff of its neck and move toward the machine...and the video fades to black.
posted by BurntHombre at 1:25 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Right this way, Mr. Stormare. I've got something I think you're really going to like.
posted by The Bellman at 1:26 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


Until now, this was the ultimate guide to disposing of a dead body. Until now.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:26 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


Considering, well, everything about this clip, I'm impressed at the restraint shown in deploying the "shatter" transition.
posted by EvaDestruction at 1:26 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


These look like such strong hands, don't they?
posted by wowbobwow at 1:27 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


2) will it blend?
posted by PapaLobo


FRIEND, I'M GLAD YOU ASKED
posted by regicide is good for you at 1:29 PM on June 13, 2011


I don't get why he threw a box of Tampax in there.

These kinds of machines are used to shred sewage (for example). Tampons and pads are sometimes flushed rather than properly disposed of, so this demonstrates that the machine can handle them.
posted by jedicus at 1:29 PM on June 13, 2011 [12 favorites]


*Feeds JWC Environmental shredder into JWC Environmental shredder, ruptures spacetime*
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:30 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Fuck fuck fuck, he puts his hand SO CLOSE TO IT OMG.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 1:31 PM on June 13, 2011 [8 favorites]


Was expecting a really, really loud guitar.
posted by penduluum at 1:32 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


But can it Love?
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:33 PM on June 13, 2011 [16 favorites]


With an even smaller one, you could make a coin operated vending machine that dispenses shredded coins.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:33 PM on June 13, 2011 [15 favorites]


For years and years I've had this awful tendency to mentally dwell on an image of a hand getting crushed in machinery.

Not. Helping.
posted by bpm140 at 1:34 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Tampons and pads are sometimes flushed rather than properly disposed of, so this demonstrates that the machine can handle them.

Not just tampons and pads, but celery and muskmelons are also often flushed down the toilet! Good to know this thing's on the job.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:34 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


Is it wrong that this machine arouses me?
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 1:34 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I kept waiting for them to toss in a piece of forged steel, say a hammer or a big wrench. Somehow I don't think it would have worked for that.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 1:35 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


Why is the blanket wet??
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 1:35 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Tampons and pads are sometimes flushed rather than properly disposed of, so this demonstrates that the machine can handle them.

This also explains the Army blanket.

I like to think that at the end of the day, the grinder was literally the only thing left in the shop.
posted by dirigibleman at 1:35 PM on June 13, 2011 [6 favorites]


His hand got so close that I could picture it grabbing his fingers, then hand, watch, arm, elbow, twisted shoulder with head screaming "OFF, OFF, ommf"...
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:36 PM on June 13, 2011


That was deeply satisfying.
posted by umbú at 1:36 PM on June 13, 2011


It's like a small version of the machine they use to destroy cars at scrapyards, or a big version of a cross-cut paper shredder. It's good to know that parallel rotating steel hell-mouth technology has its uses at every possible scale.
posted by penduluum at 1:37 PM on June 13, 2011 [5 favorites]


I'm supposed to be impressed it chews up celery? Hell, I can do that.

Oh. The cantaloupe.
posted by gleuschk at 1:39 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I would like to see this shredder vs. the "will it blend?" blender. Internet, do my bidding!
posted by not_on_display at 1:39 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Not just tampons and pads, but celery and muskmelons are also often flushed down the toilet! Good to know this thing's on the job.

...

This also explains the Army blanket.


A lot of the stuff they shredded was just goofing around, but if you check the link in my earlier comment you'll see that the ability to shred sanitary products really is a selling point for industrial shredders: "Taskmaster TM8500 grinders protect plant processes and equipment by finely reducing tough waterborne sewage solids such as rags, plastics, woods, mops, tampons, sanitary napkins and more." (emphasis added)
posted by jedicus at 1:39 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Paging Stephen King.
posted by Splunge at 1:42 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


whoop, I shoulda read the comments first. What I meant was, I'd like to see them feed the blender into the shredder.... ahh forget it.
posted by not_on_display at 1:42 PM on June 13, 2011


Somewhere out there there's a video of a similar machine that's maybe 5x the size doing a 55-gallon drum FILLED WITH CONCRETE and several home appliances. Oh wait, found it.
posted by GuyZero at 1:43 PM on June 13, 2011 [5 favorites]


Two things I didn't see, 1.) murder weapon, 2.) body.

Because I can see this revolutionizing certain technologically under-served industries.
posted by quin at 1:44 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


::Gently fingers shredder by-product::
posted by zephyr_words at 1:44 PM on June 13, 2011 [10 favorites]


So what do they call it?

Mine's named Sinistar.
posted by penduluum at 1:45 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


In all seriousness, I want one of these in my house. I often find myself thinking, "Not only do I want to throw this away, I want to obliterate it."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:45 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Man, those bigger shredders bring to mind the word "inexorable".
posted by GuyZero at 1:46 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Wasn't there a machine that a guy was saying would revolutionize waste management? It subjected things to tornado-force air blasts, and everything you put into it would be turned to powder?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:46 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I used to work in a warehouse that had a shredder like that, but much bigger. And they most certainly could not shred anything. The new fancy-pants one we had broke down every 6 months because some customers invariably left some giant hunk of metal in their bag of shredding, which knocked the whole machine off balance and would eventually crack the blades. The worst was when the technicians came to fix the machines because they sometimes left their wrenches inside the machine. Then the whole operation had to shut down for weeks while they ordered new blades from Germany.

We did not have the awesome background music, though. Perhaps that was the problem.
posted by lilac girl at 1:47 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


en forme de poire: So what do they call it?

Whatever it wants.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 1:47 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU PUT FIREWORKS IN IT????? ? ?? ?? ? ? ?? ? ?
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:48 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Why is this so cool? What is the human attraction to destroying things? I am the type of person who gets bored wandering around a hardware store with my husband, but I want this thing.
posted by desjardins at 1:48 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


Love the guy in the hat laughing in the background in one of them.
posted by wowbobwow at 1:49 PM on June 13, 2011


This is just a mirror, I don't get it.
posted by boo_radley at 1:50 PM on June 13, 2011


wait, I just got it! Oh noooooo.
posted by boo_radley at 1:50 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


that had a shredder like that, but much bigger. And they most certainly could not shred anything.

Guess you guys didn't have this one.
posted by zephyr_words at 1:53 PM on June 13, 2011


Why is this so cool? What is the human attraction to destroying things?

My two-cent theory: It's related to the incongruity theory of humor. You never before imagined a machine like this could exist, but there it is, and moreover, it's destroying common, everyday household items you never see get destroyed like this. It's stimulating your brain on several different levels. WANT.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:53 PM on June 13, 2011


goddammit now i'm gonna be humming that song through all my meetings

chuggita-chuggita chuggita-chuggita DOO... DOOO doo-doo DOOO-doo [guitar solo] [repeat forever]

posted by regicide is good for you at 1:55 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


Two words: refrigerator shredding.
posted by CosmicRayCharles at 1:56 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm going to have nightmares about that thing.
posted by lordrunningclam at 1:57 PM on June 13, 2011


Yow- though I, too, feared an unintentional blood sacrifice to the grinding maw of the machine, I also enjoyed thinking of all of the nifty stuff I could shred with such a device, if only I had space in my living room. I'd probably manage to fall into it while shredding pillows and cutting boards, so it's for the best that I can't ask for this for my birthday.......sob.
posted by but no cigar at 1:58 PM on June 13, 2011


So what do they call it?


Shiva.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 2:00 PM on June 13, 2011 [16 favorites]


Guess you guys didn't have this one.

While it's impressive the rebar goes through that machine, it seemed to come out in rather large pieces. What you need is a stack of progressively smaller-granularity shredders to really turn that rebar into powder.
posted by axiom at 2:01 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Damn hippies and your wussy shredders! A shredder shredding a 1974 Volkswagen Super Beetle.

I once got my tie caught in an office shredder. It was the most exciting three seconds of my life until the motor conked out. So shredders don't just hate hippies; they will go after the squares with everything they've got.
posted by hydrophonic at 2:01 PM on June 13, 2011 [5 favorites]


Where the hell is OSHA when you need them.

i can be OSHA

where the hell is the guarding?

where the hell is the red e-stop button?

why the hell is that guy wearing a watch on his hand?

i hope those were safety glasses they were wearing

the worst part is that i was thinking of these things before i even looked at the comments

i've been working in a factory WAY too long
posted by pyramid termite at 2:02 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


It reminds me of my cat, especially with the music.
posted by swift at 2:02 PM on June 13, 2011 [5 favorites]


I'm going to have nightmares about that thing.

Yeah, nightmares about being near it and having long hair. Or arms.
posted by preparat at 2:02 PM on June 13, 2011


en forme de poire: "So what do they call it? The Devourer Of Souls? A Horrifying Amputation Waiting To Happen? Steve?

Steve Holt?
"

\O/

It's actually called the "Muffin Monster", and there's an episode of Dirty Jobs w/Mike Rowe working with a sewage processing plant that has one.

I also like that muffinman commented in this thread. Eponycommentical?
posted by symbioid at 2:09 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, just turned into a sort of mulch.
posted by snofoam at 2:09 PM on June 13, 2011 [9 favorites]


Someone should overdub the Chuck E. Cheese's Ticket Muncher sound onto this.
posted by pmbuko at 2:09 PM on June 13, 2011


Tampons? Shoes? Leather belts? Porn music?

C'mon, people -- "JWC Environmental" doesn't really exist. This is just a fetish video.
posted by PlusDistance at 2:09 PM on June 13, 2011 [7 favorites]


...and the answer to "What do they call it?" is, therefore, "The Aristocrats!"
posted by PlusDistance at 2:10 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


Slack-a-gogo: "Is it wrong that this machine arouses me?"

Don't stick your dick in these shredders... these shredders three, are not for thee... Don't stick your dick in these shredders.
posted by symbioid at 2:11 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


axiom: "Guess you guys didn't have this one.

While it's impressive the rebar goes through that machine, it seemed to come out in rather large pieces. What you need is a stack of progressively smaller-granularity shredders to really turn that rebar into powder.
"

It's muffin monsters --- all the way down...
posted by symbioid at 2:14 PM on June 13, 2011


oh I get it now. Thanks for the context symboid. This thing takes care of the stuff you're not suppose to flush.

I wonder if it can get killed by dental floss though - just one piece at a time sneaking between the grinding wheels... it would eventually get pretty wrapped it.
posted by GuyZero at 2:15 PM on June 13, 2011


Tampons and pads are sometimes flushed rather than properly disposed of, so this demonstrates that the machine can handle them.

Oh. I thought it meant we lady types are so strong that our hygiene products can only be demolished by a machine and synth trumpets.
posted by katillathehun at 2:22 PM on June 13, 2011 [8 favorites]


Metafilter: can neither be created nor destroyed, just turned into a sort of mulch.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:22 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'll join in the fascination with shredders.

But the "Hippie Car" video got me thinking. I note that it's the only of their videos with anything resembling a plot, and wow does it show that modern conservatives still really, really, hate hippies and are still dedicated to fighting an enemy that hasn't existed for over 30 years.
posted by sotonohito at 2:22 PM on June 13, 2011 [7 favorites]


First, be smart from the very beginning...
posted by logicpunk at 2:25 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Once again: Bagger 288 is unimpressed.
posted by Decani at 2:25 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


what happens when you put the will it blend blender in there? dimensional implosion?
posted by dazed_one at 2:28 PM on June 13, 2011


Dead cow. DO NOT WATCH.

It's not dead enough that getting knocked around in the shredder doesn't make it look alive again. Especially as the soundtrack is unhappy cow moos.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:29 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


the music used in this video was a staple of 80s gay porn movies

Really? I know it from the "Dave movies," a series of videos for kids that my sons were really into when they were younger.
posted by not that girl at 2:34 PM on June 13, 2011


Especially as the soundtrack is unhappy cow moos.

That's my favorite movie soundtrack.
posted by TwelveTwo at 2:37 PM on June 13, 2011


Man, those bigger shredders bring to mind the word "inexorable".
posted by GuyZero


I'll bet they could shred all the king's horses and all the king's men.
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:39 PM on June 13, 2011


Somewhere out there there's a video of a similar machine that's maybe 5x the size doing a 55-gallon drum FILLED WITH CONCRETE and several home appliances. Oh wait, found it.


I watched this video and saw a VW Bug get tossed in. Soon after my pants were filled with shredded poop.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 2:43 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


"... and here's another thing that belonged to my ex-wife..."
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:46 PM on June 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


So, after all the awe of destruction, tampons & gore, shall we start sharing our favorite links of shredders in Hollywood? Here's mine, from The Falcon & The Snowman. How to use a shredder, while smoking in a bunker.
posted by ouke at 2:47 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I saw this in a game show.
posted by clavdivs at 2:47 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


You know, Astro Zombie, I said I wanted to see a cow shredded in 2005, but now that the link has come, I am afraid to click it.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 2:58 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


They should put Eddie Van Halen's guitar in it. See, what I did there was reference "shredding", which is a term for fast, aggressive guitar playing. So, the machine would be shredding something that is used for shredding. Or, throw David Lee Roth in it.
posted by davebush at 3:04 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


Where the hell is OSHA when you need them.

Oh, don't be such a wet blanket.




Seriously, though, the thing with the plexiglass doors when they did the paint cans: That's an all the time cover, boys!
posted by Sys Rq at 3:07 PM on June 13, 2011


Dun! Dah-dah dun-da-dun!
posted by Sys Rq at 3:11 PM on June 13, 2011


Ya, there's lots of plot on the hippie's bug getting shredded, but don't forget the little character bits in piano and the satisfyingly meta office shredder. And how can you say there's no plot in the man versus machine Twinkie eating contest (make sure you watch until the end)??? Oh, and the pathos of the lawn mower...

(And yes, three of my kids and I just spent the past hour watching a whole bunch of these.)
posted by QuantumMeruit at 3:12 PM on June 13, 2011


Let's see those FBI bastards get anything out of this trash! GGGRRRRRRRUNNNNNCHH
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:18 PM on June 13, 2011


But can it Love?

A JWC Environmental shredder once destroyed my heart.

So, uh, no. Not really.
posted by loquacious at 3:28 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


What about fascists? Does it destroy them as well. Fucking fascists.
posted by NoMich at 3:28 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


Huh. Apparently it did destroy my second question mark.
posted by NoMich at 3:28 PM on June 13, 2011


What about terrorists? Can we use this against them?
posted by secondhand pho at 3:45 PM on June 13, 2011


I'd like to see it do short work of a live taser, a can of aerosol anything, and/or a kettle ball. Interwebs, meet my desires!
posted by wowbobwow at 3:49 PM on June 13, 2011


So what do they call it?

The Destroyer Enjoyer.
posted by lukievan at 3:49 PM on June 13, 2011


i want to stick my finger in that shredder so bad
posted by milkrate at 3:54 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


penduluum: "So what do they call it?

Mine's named Sinistar.
"

Sinistar.
posted by Splunge at 3:57 PM on June 13, 2011


Covet.
posted by Dodecadermaldenticles at 3:57 PM on June 13, 2011


I like this post a lot less, knowing it was previously posted on BB by Jenny Xardin.

But the "Hippie Car" video got me thinking. I note that it's the only of their videos with anything resembling a plot, and wow does it show that modern conservatives still really, really, hate hippies and are still dedicated to fighting an enemy that hasn't existed for over 30 years

More like over 40 years. And you don't need to be conservative. We ultra-liberal Punks did our best to put an end to that shit. I thought we did a pretty good job. But it's so quaint, I'm sure not going to stop conservatives from wasting their energy fighting an enemy that doesn't exist.
posted by charlie don't surf at 4:06 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Chocolate Pickle - perhaps not forged steel, but how about engine blocks?
posted by porpoise at 4:07 PM on June 13, 2011


It's the hands that make it for me. Sifting through the mulch, gently lifting it up, shaking slightly. You can imagine the hand's owner saying "Oh… God. My tennis balls! My drinks cans! My shoes! Who's doing this? For the love of God, WHY?!"
posted by dudekiller at 4:09 PM on June 13, 2011 [6 favorites]


According to the opening, it's a machine from outer space that destroys everything. Paging Jim Kirk...
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 4:13 PM on June 13, 2011


Um, this oneshreds engine blocks. This one shreds cows.
posted by Mechashiva at 4:14 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


But it's so quaint, I'm sure not going to stop conservatives from wasting their energy fighting an enemy that doesn't exist.

Besides, evidence suggests that if there isn't an existing enemy to fight, conservatives will just invent one.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:14 PM on June 13, 2011


Yes, transfixed. And I also flashed back to the Fargo scene. And then I thought, "Wow, this could be The Answer to that 'what is an ecological funeral plan? (i.e., eco-way to dispose of one's body after death). And then I saw The Cow. Oh yeah, sign me up! (without those soundtracks, though ... maybe a jaunty polka would do)
posted by Surfurrus at 4:28 PM on June 13, 2011


No safety clothing anywhere. Unbelievable (not that it would feel any better to have one's arm shredded with yellow gloves on...).
posted by Namlit at 4:45 PM on June 13, 2011


I want one of these, but much bigger. Like, thirty feet long. And then when I commence my evil plan to take over the world, I can put it in my gigantic underground base, and install a moving walkway directly over it. You know, for easy access. I can't see any way that could possibly go wrong.
posted by ZsigE at 4:47 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


So I'm the only one who remembers1 the drug guy in Licence to Kill that fell into one of these feet first?

1And by "remembers" I mean "had nightmares about for years".
posted by DU at 4:48 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


zephyr_words: "::Gently fingers shredder by-product::"

::shredder gently grinds fingers into byproduct::
posted by Splunge at 4:51 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


Maybe it's just the cheesy speaker on my iPhone, but I swear I heard it making "nom-nom" noises.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:01 PM on June 13, 2011


Watch the video again. Every time he digs his hands into the pile of ruined materials, whisper, "my precious!". Trust me on this.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 5:05 PM on June 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm pretty sure they could make a 24-hour cable channel of nothing but these videos, and people would watch it. I know I would.
posted by crunchland at 5:13 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


This actually give me a bit of a shiver when I first watched it. It reminded me of when I worked at a non-union print shop. I was working on a five color web press. None of the units had guards on them. The rollers would suck an arm into them in a second. If the guards were in place the unit would shut down maybe at the wrist. Then it would only have stripped the skin off of your hand. Without the guards you could get pulled in up to your elbow before the rollers bent and the press stopped anyway. By then every bone in your arm was probably crushed.

Why would we even go near the rollers? Well, prints would get blobs of ink on the called "hickeys". We'd go to the rollers while they were spinning and use a piece of plastic to scrape the offending blob off. Or more likely just a thumbnail. I always had a flat spot on my thumbnails where the roller had worn them away.

As well we used 100% pure isopropyl alcohol in the wetting solution, so it would dry your hands out and make the skin crack. We were warned never to use rubber gloves around the units. The rollers would grab the finger of a glove and suck your hand in in the blink of an eye. One guy I saw who was real lucky had the glove ripped off of his hand instead of having his whole hand taken. He quit on the spot.

The place had last had an OSHA inspection in 1970, the warning signs were still up. I worked there in 1986.

Then there was the constant drinking, but that's another story.
posted by Splunge at 5:14 PM on June 13, 2011 [5 favorites]


Anyone else find it noteworthy that the only thing we haven't seen this shredder destroy is another shredder?
posted by FreelanceBureaucrat at 5:20 PM on June 13, 2011


Not so fast.
posted by crunchland at 5:25 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


well done, crunchland
posted by FreelanceBureaucrat at 5:27 PM on June 13, 2011


Saw the cantaloupe being vomited back up, which immediately brought to mind how that would look with a human head, which was very unpleasant.
posted by bwg at 5:33 PM on June 13, 2011


I made it through the sheep, pig and cow getting shredded, but gave up when they got to the horse. No dinner for me, thanks.
posted by anotherkate at 5:40 PM on June 13, 2011


They had one of these in the 'descent to hell' sequence in Toy Story 3.
posted by Sebmojo at 6:01 PM on June 13, 2011


Wow. One of these and Fargo could have had a different ending.
posted by 4ster at 6:06 PM on June 13, 2011


Watched it at work with the sound down.

They put the shield up for the paint only??? Let the water bottle blow up and soak everything ha ha! Stay out of that shop.

Also: the first victim should have been a smaller shredder ("You call that a shredder?...")
posted by djrock3k at 6:53 PM on June 13, 2011


Why is this so cool? What is the human attraction to destroying things?

We will be destroyed, so it feels good to destroy things in turn.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:02 PM on June 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Something, something, conspicuous consumption.
posted by clorox at 7:15 PM on June 13, 2011


(reads headline)

"Fascists?"

(clicks link)

"Ummm... too far."
posted by Flunkie at 8:03 PM on June 13, 2011


Also, Shred of the Month.
posted by Flunkie at 8:05 PM on June 13, 2011


"Coming Soon! To An Airport Near YOU!"
posted by carping demon at 8:21 PM on June 13, 2011


clorox: "Something, something, conspicuous consumption."

Maybe my snark meter is mis-calibrated. And if so I apologise. But shredders like these are perfect way of preparing just about anything for recycling. The shredded stuff can be sent to a plant that will separate out the various materials and from there they are passed on to places that reuse them. If anything it's conspicuous re-consumption. And as far as I can tell that's to be applauded.

Like I said, if I misunderstood your comment, I sincerely apologise.
posted by Splunge at 8:48 PM on June 13, 2011


Maybe it's just the cheesy speaker on my iPhone, but I swear I heard it making "nom-nom" noises.

I HUNGER

RUN, COWARD
posted by penduluum at 8:52 PM on June 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


Yikes. It wasn't until the communication-rich information age I realised the Aussie accent was so jarring. And I thought Texan accents were in-your-face.

"Where'd ya get the kaorn from?" *shudders*

Potomac Avenue, Dillonlikescookies, you failed to add the final bit of the exchange that just topped it off. As he's driven off without taking the goods he's paid for, you can hear her faintly protest "are you....?"
posted by uncanny hengeman at 9:01 PM on June 13, 2011


Wrong thread. But I'd like to see that shredder take on a soft serve cone from Macca's.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 9:02 PM on June 13, 2011


Dead cow. DO NOT WATCH.

You know....I have absolutely zero desire to watch a dead cow being shredded.

However, I have the strongest urge to go watch that now, just because you told me not to. With a hat-tip to Douglas Adams....

Dead cow. DO NOT WATCH AGAIN.
posted by schmod at 9:24 PM on June 13, 2011


You know....I don't get it. Apart from obvious uses such as shredding aluminum cans for recycling/transport, what are these machines actually used for?

For recycling, surely any manufactured product is going to end up as a jumbled mess of heterogenous ingredients that are still unrecyclable?? Why doesn't someone separates the plastic from the steel first? Picking through still-large chunks of sharp metal can't be safe or efficient. In a lot of cases, the volume of the shredded product is actually greater than what they started with.

The video of them crushing washing machines is actually being sold as a legitimate use-case for these machines, even though it must be trivially easy to salvage the big bits of metal and plastic that comprise 90% of the machine....

There's another video showing them using the machine to turn a tangled mess of rebar into....a tangled mess of slightly smaller pieces of rebar, and another showing them spending several HOURS breaking up concrete from a building demolition -- surely there must be better machines for those purposes?

So, enlighten me. Apart from crushing iPhones, Blendtec blenders do make legitimately delicious smoothies. Why would one actually want one of these industrial-grade shredders?
posted by schmod at 9:32 PM on June 13, 2011


I can't really watch this video without thinking of the end of Itsu. (NSFW)
posted by en forme de poire at 9:39 PM on June 13, 2011


a jumbled mess of heterogenous ingredients that are still unrecyclable?

Again, no. That's exactly the form that recycling plants want. They use a series of separation devices including air blasts, water and electro-magnets to completely recycle stuff. Of course, separating the stuff beforehand is more efficient. The demos aren't there to show how it's actually done. Just how efficient the machine is at shredding. Ultimately small bits are the way to go after major separation.

But these days, even a homogenous mulch can be separated and recycled. It just take more energy to do it which is more costly.
posted by Splunge at 9:43 PM on June 13, 2011


For recycling, surely any manufactured product is going to end up as a jumbled mess of heterogenous ingredients that are still unrecyclable?? Why doesn't someone separates the plastic from the steel first? Picking through still-large chunks of sharp metal can't be safe or efficient. In a lot of cases, the volume of the shredded product is actually greater than what they started with.

Actually, from what I gather of recycling operations, they work better with small chunks that can be flung around by the handling equipment versus having some doof with a power screwdriver laboriously disassemble the washing machine into its individual components. i.e. the electromagnet that separates steel from the line works better on small bits of random crud than the big ol' washing machine. (fun fact: They also use magnetism to separate aluminum by inducing an eddy current which flings the metal further than non-metallic items, if I remember correctly. If the incoming stream is non-homogenous, I don't think that trick works quite so well..)

At least that's my understanding from the "How It Works" shows I watch.
posted by Kyol at 9:44 PM on June 13, 2011


I think these videos are so, so much better if you watch them with some dubstep as the background music.

(Yeah, I'm lazy or I'd have matched that up a little neater.)
posted by howrobotsaremade at 9:48 PM on June 13, 2011


Scarabic's life just got easier.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 9:53 PM on June 13, 2011


I watched the whole thing sorta horrified, but youtube was quick to recommend Nyan Cat after it was all over. I don't think I ever needed that more.
posted by catwash at 12:17 AM on June 14, 2011


I just showed a bunch of these to a two-and-a-half year old boy who was COMPLETELY THRILLED.
posted by dubold at 12:36 AM on June 14, 2011


The video is from the 80s or thereabouts (note the "vintage" soda cans; I doubt they happened to have a ton of those classic cans just lying around, plus the Tampax and Kotex boxes betray the age of the clip as well) but the total disregard for safety for the purpose of this demonstration is downright freaky. This machine will clearly destroy you in seconds and it's not just that their hands get close but that they hold things that could easily catch them... or kick back out and hit them. (I was waiting for the couch and pallet to smack them in the face.)

For the cows, diseased or not, I'm not sure I want to know of a place that puts a still-breathing/mooing cow into a machine like that. It just seems over-the-top cruel. Stun the damn thing at least.
posted by disillusioned at 1:08 AM on June 14, 2011




Will this also shred a defective turret?
posted by logopetria at 10:22 AM on June 14, 2011


Dr. Wiley had Metal Man's level retro-fitted with these everywhere. 'Nuff said.
posted by meadowlark lime at 10:28 AM on June 14, 2011



Wasn't there a machine that a guy was saying would revolutionize waste management? It subjected things to tornado-force air blasts, and everything you put into it would be turned to powder?

There you go Cool Papa Bell.

They REALLY like to handle the final powder, even Centrifuged Blood
posted by youhavetoreadthistwice at 4:21 PM on June 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Um, this one yt shreds engine blocks. This one shreds cows.
posted by Mechashiva at 5:14 PM on June 1
3

And a horse (at about 3:05)
posted by youhavetoreadthistwice at 4:31 PM on June 14, 2011


There you go Cool Papa Bell.

So I'm watching this with my SO, and we're laughing every time the guy sifts through debris with his bare hands. She asks me what thread I found this in, so I jump back to the FPP shredder video and I'll be damned if it isn't the same guy's hands sifting through stuff over there.

I'm imagining a guy who just travels from place to place, sifting.
posted by odinsdream at 11:12 AM on June 16, 2011


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