"He also notes that the burgers are extremely low in fat."

June 16, 2011 11:49 AM

Poop burger.

Via Inhabitat: Japanese Researcher Creates Artificial Meat From Human Feces

“Sewage mud” is exactly what you think it is – poop. Ikeda’s process begins by extracting protein and lipids from the “mud.” The lipids are then combined with a reaction enhancer, then whipped into “meat” in an exploder. Ikeda then makes the poop more savory, by adding soya and steak sauce.

Currently, the price of the poop burgers are 10-20 times that of regular meat, due to the cost of research, but he feels they will even out in a few years. He admits that “some people” may have a psychological aversion to eating artificial meat made of their own poop at first, but thinks many would be open to personally completing the food chain.

posted by flex (215 comments total)

Soylent GREEN IS....

oh, nevermind
posted by Windopaene at 11:50 AM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Soylent BROWN IS...

heh heh heh poop joke.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 11:51 AM on June 16, 2011 [19 favorites]

All's well that ends well.
posted by kinnakeet at 11:51 AM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

many would be open to personally completing the food chain

Ouroboros!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 11:51 AM on June 16, 2011 [6 favorites]

He admits that “some people” may have a psychological aversion to eating artificial meat made of their own poop at first

AT FIRST?
posted by T.D. Strange at 11:52 AM on June 16, 2011 [28 favorites]

Sure, you might not want to eat it now, but once you're in prison, you won't have a choice.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:52 AM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

You know Mad Science used to stand for something.
posted by The Whelk at 11:52 AM on June 16, 2011 [18 favorites]

MetaFilter: makes the poop more savory
posted by DU at 11:52 AM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Prion disease, what could possibly go wrong?
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:53 AM on June 16, 2011 [9 favorites]

Boca should make a vegan spinoff named Culo Burger
posted by nathancaswell at 11:53 AM on June 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

Will it be possible to resist the long-traditional "OMG Japan" reaction? I wouldn't be able to do it, if I were commenting here. Which I'm not.
posted by Western Infidels at 11:53 AM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

He admits that “some people” may have a psychological aversion to eating artificial meat made of their own poop at first, but thinks many would be open to personally completing the food chain.

But...there already are animals who "complete the food chain" in this manner. Are we so hard-up for food that we have to elbow dung beetles out of the way?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:54 AM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

Wow it's like we're living in a William Gibson book Yes Men prank.
posted by griphus at 11:55 AM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

(I'm at work but if anyone has the video to the above please post it because the reaction of the students is fucking priceless.)
posted by griphus at 11:56 AM on June 16, 2011

"There's no way the Human Centipede film franchise will ever have a possible food-related merchandising tie in" is something I believed with all my heart and mind until five minutes ago.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:58 AM on June 16, 2011 [28 favorites]

And what could possibly go better with a PooBurger™ than a nice refreshing glass of Los Angeles tap water .....
posted by Poet_Lariat at 11:58 AM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

Please tell me this is a hoax.
posted by infinitywaltz at 11:59 AM on June 16, 2011

No -- uh -- no thank you?
posted by boo_radley at 11:59 AM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Best enjoyed whilst watching The Human Centipede!
posted by Capricorn13 at 12:00 PM on June 16, 2011

Man, remember when we could post images?
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:00 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

garrr beat me to it!
posted by Capricorn13 at 12:00 PM on June 16, 2011

I'll take a large number two meal, please.
posted by no relation at 12:00 PM on June 16, 2011 [32 favorites]

Prion disease, what could possibly go wrong?

Kuru isn't that bad.

Oh wait, yes it is.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 12:01 PM on June 16, 2011

I think I'll just stick with drinking my own urine, thank you very much.
posted by burnmp3s at 12:01 PM on June 16, 2011

I had heard that the Ryan Plan to End Medicare doesn't end medicare in the same way that my plan to replace your turkey on rye with a shit on wonderbread doesn't end lunchtime.

This just makes that analogy even more apt.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:02 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ewwwww.
posted by nickyskye at 12:04 PM on June 16, 2011

The fridge in that video actually has 'SHIT BURGER' written on it.
posted by Pecinpah at 12:04 PM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

You know what? I actually just ate.
posted by penduluum at 12:04 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

The fridge in that video actually has 'SHIT BURGER' written on it.

Unrelated. That's a punk band.
posted by rokusan at 12:05 PM on June 16, 2011 [13 favorites]

"Poop burger" actually sums up the day I'm having.
posted by brundlefly at 12:07 PM on June 16, 2011 [6 favorites]

We're living in a world where a shit sandwich is still more costly than real meat. That's...oddly comforting?
posted by Horselover Phattie at 12:09 PM on June 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

I just ate as well.

Until my son was potty trained, there were times when, mid-meal, he would be poopy. I'd have to take him into the bathroom, wipe him, change him, and get him back to the table -- and then finish my meal. Which, I discovered, I had no problem doing.
posted by no relation at 12:10 PM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

"I'll have the tournedos of cage free shit turd, with California shit-sprouted mushrooms in piss reduction. With shavings of cured organic shits on top."
posted by TheRedArmy at 12:10 PM on June 16, 2011

I think I'll just stick with drinking my own urine, thank you very much.
posted by burnmp3s at 3:01 PM on June 16 [+] [!]

By mefi's own Bear Grylls..
posted by k5.user at 12:12 PM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

Hrmm. One would think that, if people ate *strictly* poop burgers (not accounting for condiments, buns, other toppings), their poop would generally become less and less useful for making new poop burgers. As the body absorbed more and more of the protein and lipids. So like, every time it passed through your body, it would become less and less viable. But then, I'm not a digestive expert, or a poop burger expert, so maybe I'm way off on this one.
posted by antifuse at 12:13 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

It's like that Spinal Tap album.
posted by Jon_Evil at 12:13 PM on June 16, 2011

Also...

Until my son was potty trained, there were times when, mid-meal, he would be poopy. I'd have to take him into the bathroom, wipe him, change him, and get him back to the table -- and then finish my meal. Which, I discovered, I had no problem doing.

As a parent of a two year old, very little in the way of digestive "outputs" (pee, poop, vomit) phases me at this point. At least, the outputs belonging to my son any way. I'm not really exposed to the pee, poop or vomit of anybody else, so I can't confirm one way or the other in any authoritative sense.

Though I was just at a wedding on Friday where guests got so drunk that *2* of the sinks, and one of the urinals (!!!) had been vomited into by the end of the night, and that didn't seem to phase me. SO... Yeah.
posted by antifuse at 12:16 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Obviously, I have a visceral reaction to this, but ultimately it's not much different from the idea of washing your food (which, yes, might have some shit on it) before you eat it. It's also an interesting first step in a new source of food--until we can create proteins and lipids in a more direct way, we'll have to pull them out of waste products, including human waste.
posted by TypographicalError at 12:18 PM on June 16, 2011

It's not the poo-burger that scares me, it's the poo-shake that does it.
posted by blue_beetle at 12:19 PM on June 16, 2011

Actual vomit has been seldom enough that I still have a hard time with it.
posted by no relation at 12:19 PM on June 16, 2011

I'd have to take him into the bathroom, wipe him, change him, and get him back to the table -- and then finish my meal. Which, I discovered, I had no problem doing

Wait, you didn't wash your hands? Use baby wipes? Anything?
posted by Ad hominem at 12:22 PM on June 16, 2011

let the japans eat each other's shit i am not going to pay for someone's recycled shit and that's why in japane the people will start to look like aliens
1998620Miki 14 minutes ago

Quite.
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 12:28 PM on June 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

Reporter: Yeah, but how does it taste?

Scientist: Like shit!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:30 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

You know what makes presentations really pop? A pointer stick with a hand on it.
posted by odinsdream at 12:30 PM on June 16, 2011 [8 favorites]

This would be great for long distance space flight.
posted by stbalbach at 12:31 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Of course, given the state of industrial meat production, we're already eating a considerable amount of poop in our burgers anyway. This poop meat at least is cleaner than regular poop meat!
posted by Pants McCracky at 12:32 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

> This would be great for long distance space flight.

Yeah, that's the elephant (poop) in the room here. There's only so much food that can be packed and grown on deep space explorations....astronaut ice cream is going to have to take on broader implications for success.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 12:35 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

@stbalbach don't worry, civilization will collapse back to an Upper Paleolithic state before that becomes an issue.
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 12:36 PM on June 16, 2011

what the actual fuck
posted by elizardbits at 12:40 PM on June 16, 2011 [13 favorites]

He is not creating burgers, or artificial meat. There is no extant word for what he's making because why would there be.
posted by clockzero at 12:41 PM on June 16, 2011 [6 favorites]

Is it sewage?

Is it mud?
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:43 PM on June 16, 2011

Burger? That isn't ground-up. It's more like poop Arby's.
posted by mittens at 12:43 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Is there any figures on how energy efficient this process is compared to production of normal food?

This product need to be dirt-cheap, at least to begin with, to overcome the, euhm, cultural barrier.
posted by okokok at 12:45 PM on June 16, 2011

This product need to be dirt-cheap, at least to begin with, to overcome the, euhm, cultural barrier.

Not being made of feces would also help there.
posted by mittens at 12:47 PM on June 16, 2011 [10 favorites]

> There is no extant word for what he's making

"Nutriloaf"
posted by ardgedee at 12:47 PM on June 16, 2011 [8 favorites]

Wait, you didn't wash your hands? Use baby wipes? Anything?

Reminds me of the punchline to a joke I heard once. "I'm not going back to work. I'm going to lunch..."

(For the record, yes, every single time. I washed my hands so much there were times I was afraid I was turning into a compulsive hand-washer.)
posted by no relation at 12:48 PM on June 16, 2011

Actual vomit has been seldom enough that I still have a hard time with it.

A lucky person, you are. My son actually vomited in my wife's mouth the last time he was sick. Even that didn't really phase us, after the many vom-fests we have had in my son's two short years on this Earth. I, too, remember those halcyon days when I could say "Actually, my son doesn't really throw up that much, it's pretty sweet" - until he was maybe 6 months old I could say that. I can no longer say that. After he started day care, oh the plagues that swept through our house.
posted by antifuse at 12:49 PM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

A Jenny Craig ad appears at the bottom of the article for me.

I am beginning to believe that irony is a fundamental force in the universe.
posted by device55 at 12:50 PM on June 16, 2011 [7 favorites]

Please recycle.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:57 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

life is a shit sandwich - the more bread you have, the better it tastes
posted by pyramid termite at 12:58 PM on June 16, 2011

Two girls one patty.
posted by jeremy b at 12:59 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Computer, one poop burger with brown sauce"
posted by clavdivs at 1:01 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucecheese...
oh
posted by clavdivs at 1:02 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

See? Food. Now you ex-union whiners have no more reason to complain. You're welcome.
-- The Koch Brothers
posted by PlusDistance at 1:03 PM on June 16, 2011

You know what makes presentations really pop? A pointer stick with a hand on it.

Just don't mention that the hand is made out of menstrual blood.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:03 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why? Why? Why? The only thing I can think if is that this is a scientist dedicated to using science for evil rather than good.
posted by fimbulvetr at 1:04 PM on June 16, 2011

It's like none of you has ever had shit on a shingle before. Or a paddy melt.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:04 PM on June 16, 2011

> Ouroboros!

Ouroburgers!
posted by mmrtnt at 1:09 PM on June 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

He is not creating burgers, or artificial meat. There is no extant word for what he's making because why would there be.


Well, it is probably made out of a the remains of a lot of gut bacteria, which are animals, so if meat is from animals, technically we could call it meat.
posted by fimbulvetr at 1:09 PM on June 16, 2011

Fecaloaf.
posted by darkstar at 1:10 PM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

Imma gonna call it a day on this one.
posted by likeso at 1:11 PM on June 16, 2011

Chalk up another point for vegetarianism!
posted by Renoroc at 1:12 PM on June 16, 2011

No, seriously, I'm begging you all, tell me this is a hoax.
posted by infinitywaltz at 1:12 PM on June 16, 2011

I'm glad the tags for this post include the words "poop" and "poo"--that will surely guide the way for many an inquiring mind in the coming years.
posted by jeremy b at 1:12 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you log out and turn off your ad blocker, you'll see ads for weight loss products and Schwan's meat delivery.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 1:13 PM on June 16, 2011

why am i reading this thread
posted by desjardins at 1:13 PM on June 16, 2011 [6 favorites]

Turd Burgers!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:13 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Well, it is probably made out of a the remains of a lot of gut bacteria, which are animals, so if meat is from animals, technically we could call it meat.

Meat is a certain part of multicellular organisms.
posted by clockzero at 1:14 PM on June 16, 2011

Gimme a Double Turd Burger, please!
Would you like flies with that?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:15 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

I bet you can't eat one without a big burger-eating grin on your face.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 1:15 PM on June 16, 2011 [7 favorites]

Hold the mouse turd.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:16 PM on June 16, 2011

I stand corrected. Not meat.
posted by fimbulvetr at 1:16 PM on June 16, 2011

))<>((
posted by kaseijin at 1:16 PM on June 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

Please check the research team for someone nicknamed "Crake." Then shoot him.
posted by oneironaut at 1:17 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Q: What's covered with shit and comes between two buns?
A: Dinner
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:18 PM on June 16, 2011

WOULD YOU LIKE FLIES WITH THAT?!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:19 PM on June 16, 2011 [11 favorites]

Please don't tell the locavores!
posted by mittens at 1:20 PM on June 16, 2011

I don't really like marketing people much but I have to feel sorry for whomever gets stuck trying to sell this as food.
posted by tommasz at 1:21 PM on June 16, 2011

Can I get a medium diet Caca Cola with that?
Sorry. We onlycarry Poopsi.
That'll doo.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:22 PM on June 16, 2011 [9 favorites]

I don't know which is more unsettling, the idea that he's doing this to satisfy some fetish, or that he really thinks it's a GOOD IDEA.
posted by dubold at 1:23 PM on June 16, 2011

Why has no-one commented on the AWESOME POINTER?
posted by unSane at 1:24 PM on June 16, 2011

This is cool, like seriously. I find anything to do with waster reclamation cool, because it means less crap polluting our earth. My ideal would be something that could break down waste (human or otherwise) down and make whatever we want with it. It's important that we find out how to reuse our filth before being drowned by it.

If we don't all start"Green" thinking, we will have to eventually make way for going "Brown." Not just with excrement, but all the other stuff we consider to be useless. That's all we'll have left. So I applaud this man and his efforts. Bravo.
posted by Mister Cheese at 1:25 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

you guys seriously

this is pretend, right? PLEASE SAY IT IS PRETEND.
posted by elizardbits at 1:28 PM on June 16, 2011

Hold the "cheese," too, apparently.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:28 PM on June 16, 2011

I just had a thought. We're looking for a new food critic. Someone who doesn't immediately poo-poo everything he eats.
posted by xedrik at 1:28 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

What will they call a poop burger in France?
posted by pianomover at 1:29 PM on June 16, 2011

any interest in this jar of special sauce? Two weeks' worth, only $25!
posted by dubold at 1:30 PM on June 16, 2011

What will they call a poop burger in France?

MerdeDonalds?
posted by dubold at 1:31 PM on June 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

Turd Burgers!

Thus giving rise to that lovable McDonalds scamp, the Turd Hamburgler.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:33 PM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

It's important that we find out how to reuse our filth before being drowned by it

You know the toilet flushes, right?
posted by mittens at 1:33 PM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

We're all laughing, but the difference between "totally disgusting" and "miracle diet food" is all in how few calories it has.

Tastes like beef, contains almost no calories! This would absolutely fly off the shelves.
posted by naju at 1:34 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

What will they call a poop burger in France?

Le Poop Burger
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:34 PM on June 16, 2011

Thus giving rise to that lovable McDonalds scamp, the Turd Hamburgler.

Who steals from Mayor McFeces!
posted by mittens at 1:38 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

The FDA guidelines permit 1 mg of unprocessed mammalian excreta per pound of food, as a general rule, but that would only qualify as an additive or flavoring, not the main course.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:38 PM on June 16, 2011

Unsane: Why has no-one commented on the AWESOME POINTER?

Are you sure about that?
posted by antifuse at 1:39 PM on June 16, 2011

I will gladly feed you Tuesday for a poopburger on Wednesday.
posted by orme at 1:40 PM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

Is it kosher? Leviticus 11:6 could be interpreted as equating shit-eating with cud-chewing. And since ritually clean animals chew their cud, maybe eating shit is not so bad?
posted by ryanrs at 1:41 PM on June 16, 2011

McDonald's already sells the McWrap in various markets, including Japan. (Go ahead, say the name aloud)
posted by chavenet at 1:41 PM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

This concept is doomed. Not because the people who came up with it think eating shit is a good idea, but because they don't know any thermodynamics.
posted by Dr Dracator at 1:43 PM on June 16, 2011

Human Centipede 3--over 1 billion served.
posted by stormpooper at 1:44 PM on June 16, 2011

McDonald's already sells the McWrap in various markets, including Japan. (Go ahead, say the name aloud)

It comes out "Mick Wrap" when I say it. "Mmm Crap" sounds too awkward.
posted by antifuse at 1:45 PM on June 16, 2011

Damn, so now I really can tell someone to go order a shit sandwich -- hold the bread.

The future is awesome.
posted by Dark Messiah at 1:46 PM on June 16, 2011

because they don't know any thermodynamics.

Sigh
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:48 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm going to get to work on designing organic shingles to serve these on.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 1:56 PM on June 16, 2011

It warms my heart that we all came up with the exact same five poop jokes. It feels good to belong to something.
posted by mecran01 at 1:59 PM on June 16, 2011

In lieu of presenting a serious argument for this type of sewage usage, which might furnish examples of resource-starved North Koreans using "night-soil" (to get you in the euphemizing spirit!) to fertilize their vegetables as a way of leaving less of a trace on the planet; I will simply refer you to seconds 0:49-0:51 of the video for my reBUTTal to this teeming scheme. Also, does the finger-pointer thingy really need nail polish?
posted by obscurator at 2:00 PM on June 16, 2011

I think I'm more disturbed by the dearth of disgust expressed than the actual concept. It's shit. A dude in a lab coat wants people to eat shit.
posted by rahnefan at 2:05 PM on June 16, 2011

But to joke myself into hypocrisy, that sounds a lot like everyday.
posted by rahnefan at 2:06 PM on June 16, 2011

Fucking shitburgers - how do they work?
posted by rahnefan at 2:09 PM on June 16, 2011

it's a point of pride with me, that with every man I've ever dated, at one time or another the gentleman has turned to me and said, "none of my other girlfriends liked to talk about poop like you."
posted by angrycat at 2:10 PM on June 16, 2011 [5 favorites]

> A dude in a lab coat wants people to eat shit.

Now, now. That dude in the lab coat wants people to Earnestly Augment Traditional Standard Human Intake Tactics.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 2:13 PM on June 16, 2011 [10 favorites]

So does it need to be cooked? How can they be 100% sure that all bacteria and other biological components have been removed so that it's sterile?
posted by disillusioned at 2:13 PM on June 16, 2011

Extracting the protein and lipids from X is one thing, but what about the meds and other chemicals that like to hang out in lipids? Talk about your second hand smoked meat...
posted by hanoixan at 2:18 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

If I eat a poop burger, would I poop a real burger?
posted by dov3 at 2:20 PM on June 16, 2011 [13 favorites]

What will they call a poop burger in France?

"McDonald's."
posted by darkstar at 2:21 PM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

> What will they call a poop burger in France?

Les Aristocrats!
posted by Horselover Phattie at 2:28 PM on June 16, 2011 [9 favorites]

McWrap = McCrap, not Mmmm Crap. Like "Hidey ho, I'm Jimmy McCrap! Please come in and sample my foinest poop tarts!"
posted by TheRedArmy at 2:29 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Prion disease, what could possibly go wrong?

Ass-Burger Syndrome?
posted by FreedomTickler at 2:31 PM on June 16, 2011 [8 favorites]

Shmeat?
posted by mmrtnt at 2:36 PM on June 16, 2011

I think y'all been punk'd.
posted by pluckysparrow at 2:37 PM on June 16, 2011

Shmeat!

It's what's for dinner.

Again.
posted by mmrtnt at 2:37 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Mr. Show did this first with The Burgundy Loaf.
posted by Pronoiac at 3:03 PM on June 16, 2011

I'll take two, hold the Santorum.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 3:04 PM on June 16, 2011

I'll have a double poop burger, bunion rings, and a large Mr. Piss.
posted by jefbla at 3:06 PM on June 16, 2011

Hold the mayo.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:10 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Would you like flies with that?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:15 PM on June 16

Waiter! There's a fly in my poop!
posted by Decani at 3:11 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Pardon me, sir, but do you have any Gray Poopon?
posted by notashroom at 3:13 PM on June 16, 2011 [3 favorites]

Hooray for Fecaroni
It's Schmeat ™ and macaroni
Fecaroni's really neat
Fecaroni's full of Shcmeat ™
Fecaroni's fun ot eat

Hooray!

For Chef Mitsuyuki Ikeda!
posted by mmrtnt at 3:13 PM on June 16, 2011

angrycat: "it's a point of pride with me, that with every man I've ever dated, at one time or another the gentleman has turned to me and said, "none of my other girlfriends liked to talk about poop like you.""

I think I just fell in love a little.
posted by Minus215Cee at 3:14 PM on June 16, 2011

Along the line of thought of recycling and diminishing returns... I have to wonder how many times this could be Eaten, Pooped, Reprocessed, Eaten, etc until there isn't enough nutritional value for the cycle to continue. What, no one else thought of that?
posted by Nauip at 3:25 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Over 1 Billion Served, Nauip. Over 1 Billion Served.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:32 PM on June 16, 2011

1 Served. Over 1 Billion Times.
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:39 PM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

Hi, welcome to Shitburger, home of the Shitburger, can I take your order?
posted by Daddy-O at 3:41 PM on June 16, 2011

George_Spiggott wins... something.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:44 PM on June 16, 2011

This is the most disgusting post ever
posted by clockzero at 3:45 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yeah. Isn't it sublime?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:53 PM on June 16, 2011

Wow, this could invert the whole meaning of "pay toilet".

Also, signs outside of restaurants will change from "NO public restrooms" to "Restrooms for all!"

...and now I'm thinking of those signs that say "We buy gold"...
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:56 PM on June 16, 2011

THE WHOLE ECONOMY JUST WENT DOWN THE SHITTER AND ALL I GOT WAS A QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:02 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pooper-Size Me
posted by jeremy b at 4:09 PM on June 16, 2011

My poop tarts are only made from 100% grass fed organic clean living human waste.

Anythng else is just ....disgusting.
posted by The Whelk at 4:11 PM on June 16, 2011

My advice to you all is don't eat that shit.
posted by Dodecadermaldenticles at 4:13 PM on June 16, 2011

Gives new meaning to in-and-out burger.
posted by jeremy b at 4:13 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

well I, for one, would love to taste this HAMBURGER
posted by various at 4:13 PM on June 16, 2011

in-and-out-and-in burger
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:16 PM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

AKA in-and-out-ad-infinitum burger
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:18 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

i am going to commit suicide
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 4:26 PM on June 16, 2011

Scene: In-and-Out-and-In Burger
Time: The near future

IRFH is standing at the CONDIMENT BAR with GEORGE_SPIGGOTT and JEREMY B. IRFH slips his recent purchase from it's white paper wrapper and carefully removes the top bun, lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles to reveal the freshly grilled burger patty.

IRFH: Ooh! Look! One of mine!

CREDITS
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:27 PM on June 16, 2011

What kind of toy comes with the Crappy Meal?
posted by mittens at 4:27 PM on June 16, 2011

IRFH you are on FIRE tonight.
<>Pity someone else got to that 1 sold, 1 billion served joke first though
posted by unSane at 4:27 PM on June 16, 2011

I'm sorry, I thought you said this was an angus burger.
posted by mittens at 4:31 PM on June 16, 2011 [8 favorites]

Pity someone else got to that 1 sold, 1 billion served joke first though

* cries *
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:32 PM on June 16, 2011

"Burger King"

"From the throne to you"
posted by mmrtnt at 4:33 PM on June 16, 2011

Jack-in-the-Loo
posted by mmrtnt at 4:34 PM on June 16, 2011

I'm more a Sloppy Joe kinda guy.


*barfs*
posted by tumid dahlia at 4:36 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pity someone else got to that 1 sold, 1 billion served joke first though

Everything's better the second or third time around.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:38 PM on June 16, 2011

Right now it costs over 10 times as much as real beef but maybe-- MAYBE-- he'll be able to get the cost down so it is the same price. And people are going to choose poopmeat because? "Yeah, I think I'll pass on sirloin steak tonight, just give me some poop tartare."

I'm getting a wiff of autism here-- the logical scientist who doesn't seem to get that most people will have a visceral revulsion to eating processed sewage.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:40 PM on June 16, 2011

I'm getting a wiff

Add more steak sauce, it masks it.
posted by mittens at 4:44 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

IRFH you are on FIRE tonight.

Okay - here's the thing: I am, I swear to all that is holey, home, sick as a dog, after losing 7 pounds in one night from... feeding the starving children. All I'm saying is, this subject is very near to my heart, which is, apparently, somewhere in the vacinity of my most generous, benevolent asshole.

You're welcome. We aim to serve. Would you like the Family Platter? It's fresh!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:47 PM on June 16, 2011

I'm still waiting on the debunking here. Anytime. Yup.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 4:48 PM on June 16, 2011

a visceral revulsion to eating processed sewage
posted by Secret Life of Gravy

Thank you!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:49 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Being a somewhat vulgar person, occasionally when my son asks me what's for dinner I'll reply 'poo sandwiches'. Man, is he in for a surprise!
posted by h00py at 4:49 PM on June 16, 2011

Metafilter: made from 100% grass fed organic clean living human waste
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:51 PM on June 16, 2011

Oh Christ. Now I am going to have to change my name.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:51 PM on June 16, 2011

Oh Christ. Now I am going to have to change my name.

Going for a sock poopet account, are we?
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 4:53 PM on June 16, 2011

Come to think of it, It's Raining Florence Henderson could be a burger at this joint, too.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:54 PM on June 16, 2011

And after 20 - count 'em, 20 - poo jokes, I think it's time I move along. So to speak.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:58 PM on June 16, 2011 [4 favorites]

You're boweling out?
posted by mittens at 4:59 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Great thread. Gotta go.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:08 PM on June 16, 2011

This shit tastes like burger.
posted by unSane at 5:11 PM on June 16, 2011

Oh hey! It looks like my poop burger was corn-fed!
posted by jefbla at 5:15 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

And after 20 - count 'em, 20 - poo jokes, I think it's time I move along. So to speak.

It's hard to believe but I seem to be the first to mention the pu-pu platter.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:53 PM on June 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

I knew there was something different about the Culver's Butt-er Burger.
posted by localhuman at 6:25 PM on June 16, 2011

I don't know, I think if you guys tried one you might discover that they are tasty enough to eat twice.
posted by TwelveTwo at 6:34 PM on June 16, 2011

Jesus guys, at least make an attempt to be original. You're just recycling the same shitty jokes over and over again.
posted by dephlogisticated at 6:41 PM on June 16, 2011

I don't know, I think if you guys read one of these jokes you might discover that they are hilarious enough to write twice.
posted by TwelveTwo at 6:43 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

we're just regurgitating material.
posted by The Whelk at 6:44 PM on June 16, 2011

You might say our jokes are shitty.
posted by TwelveTwo at 6:46 PM on June 16, 2011

Eat shit and live!
posted by stargell at 7:19 PM on June 16, 2011

I think this thread is in poor taste
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 7:25 PM on June 16, 2011

Scatburger!
posted by 2N2222 at 7:26 PM on June 16, 2011

we're just regurgitating material.

That's a different thread.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:54 PM on June 16, 2011

I am sure this is a sex thing.
posted by solarion at 7:59 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Is that poop in your mouth or are you just hungry?
posted by TwelveTwo at 8:13 PM on June 16, 2011

"This poop burger tastes great", Tom said feces-tiously.

I'm out.
posted by jefbla at 8:27 PM on June 16, 2011

I've got a busy day ahead. I've got to lay some cable, grow a tail, drop the kids off at the pool, and still find time to grab a bite...

Saaaaay!
posted by ShutterBun at 9:03 PM on June 16, 2011

This was predicted on southpark. Here, the turd sandwich debates a giant douche.
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/154582/debate-2004
posted by fzx101 at 9:20 PM on June 16, 2011

It comes out "Mick Wrap" when I say it.

Mmm crap, crap crap Mmm crap, doo doo doo ...

In all seriousness, if you want to take advantage of all that protein, for heaven's sake. Autoclave it and spread it on a bean field. Problem solved.
posted by eritain at 9:25 PM on June 16, 2011

Tastes like chicken.
posted by flyingsquirrel at 9:27 PM on June 16, 2011

I'm going to vomit.

Maybe he can make that into meat as well.
posted by Malice at 9:34 PM on June 16, 2011

Actually, wouldn't this not work out after a few cycles? The burger would eventually be composed of protein that cannot be digested, as all that was digestible but not digested would have been digested.
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:36 PM on June 16, 2011

I've observed my dog enough to know this is a really bad idea.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:09 PM on June 16, 2011

I have to wonder how many times this could be Eaten, Pooped, Reprocessed, Eaten, etc until there isn't enough nutritional value for the cycle to continue.

I think clearly the point is that the global elite, oligarchs, Bilderburg attendees, Party Members, senators, CEOs, top 400 wealthiest families, etc will continue to dine as they always have, while the rest of us will be eating their shit.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 11:31 PM on June 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

@Mittens

Burger? That isn't ground-up. It's more like Arby's.

FTFY, with less redundancy.
posted by unigolyn at 1:34 AM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

this is no joke, i am going to end my own life
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 2:51 AM on June 17, 2011

what's this about hamburgers
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 2:52 AM on June 17, 2011

Would they be called "Cleaveland Steamers" instead of sliders?
posted by stormpooper at 6:54 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Turd Your Enthusiasm.
posted by dracomarca at 7:13 AM on June 17, 2011

I just wanted to say that Turd Burglar rolls off the tongue really well and I've been saying it to myself ever since I started reading this thread. But I really will never eat a Turd Burger. If I've been able to resist duck up until this point then I'm pretty sure I can resist reconstituted stool.
posted by h00py at 7:33 AM on June 17, 2011

Fly Larvae Used to Remove Organic Waste on an Industrial Scale

Currently, the 20 million larvae of the plant are able to ingest a ton of waste per day .. When the larvae reach a certain size, they are separated from the waste .. larval biomass can be used as animal feed

What we have here is the future of food.
posted by stbalbach at 9:44 AM on June 17, 2011

What we have here is the future of food.

Why yes, quite literally.
posted by kinnakeet at 11:07 AM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Thanks for the straight poop on this. Surprising nobody thought of this before, it seems fairly alimentary. I might need to dump some money into the project to get a fece the action.
posted by ktoad at 2:31 PM on June 17, 2011

My ideal would be something that could break down waste (human or otherwise) down and make whatever we want with it. It's important that we find out how to reuse our filth before being drowned by it.

We already have technologies to do that. They're even solar-powered!

What I find amazing about the poop-burger business is that there's that much protein and lipid leftover in our feces in the first place. Is it that we're not very good at extracting that stuff from our food, or is it that modern people eat such protein-and-fat-rich diets that our bodies don't really know what to do with it all?
posted by hattifattener at 3:26 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'mz allowedz to eatz my poopz now?
posted by XhaustedProphet at 10:56 PM on June 17, 2011

"In other words, it's a huge shit sandwich, and we're all gonna have to take a bite."

/Lt. Lockhart
posted by bwg at 5:50 AM on June 18, 2011

It didn't just smell funny - I remembered the shit burger was all over Usenet way back when. And so does Salon...
posted by meehawl at 8:21 PM on June 29, 2011