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June 17, 2011 4:19 PM   Subscribe

Animals Being Dicks. What is says on the tin.
posted by whimsicalnymph (66 comments total) 58 users marked this as a favorite

 
I prefer animals being nice.
posted by afx237vi at 4:21 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


yoink!
posted by localhuman at 4:26 PM on June 17, 2011


Grand Theft Toboggan has been my favourite gif for ages.
posted by elizardbits at 4:27 PM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


Animals, some of whom are humans, being dicks.
posted by gurple at 4:37 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


My dog totally has a sense of humor, and most of it revolves around our relative hierarchical position in the family "pack". He likes to walk over and just, like, put one paw on top of my foot as gently as possible so I won't notice. I swear he'll stand there just kind of smirking to himself, like he really got one over on me. I've started doing the same back to him (which is harder because he has smaller mitts). Then we chase each other around the house stepping on each other's toes. Then my wife comes home and we both just freeze since there's no mistaking her position in the pack.
posted by 2bucksplus at 4:39 PM on June 17, 2011 [88 favorites]


this is the best
posted by nathancaswell at 4:41 PM on June 17, 2011 [8 favorites]


So when I'm back home, and my mother's watching The Planet's Funniest Animals, I hate it. Make it a website full of animated GIFs and I love it. Interesting.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 4:42 PM on June 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


There is something about a toddler getting hit in the head by a flying terrier that IS SIMPLY FUCKING HILARIOUS.

I am probably a bad person.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:46 PM on June 17, 2011 [18 favorites]


I'm trying to work out which of the animals designed the website's interface. Probably this one.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 4:47 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Short cut penguin don't give a shit.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:54 PM on June 17, 2011 [8 favorites]


So when I'm back home, and my mother's watching The Planet's Funniest Animals, I hate it. Make it a website full of animated GIFs and I love it. Interesting.

I suspect that the TV show has commercials and a dippy announcer whereas the website full o' GIFs goes straight for the lulz.

So maybe it's not the content, it's the delivery mechanism? Or maybe you're turning into your mother.
posted by device55 at 4:56 PM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


I suspect that the TV show has commercials and a dippy announcer whereas the website full o' GIFs goes straight for the lulz.

or some Oedipal shit. who knows.
posted by jonmc at 4:58 PM on June 17, 2011


Good, but nothing beats Never Argue with an Ibex.
posted by WidgetAlley at 4:59 PM on June 17, 2011 [16 favorites]


this is the best

If that turtle is anything like this turtle then he deserves it.
posted by Gary at 5:01 PM on June 17, 2011


localhuman: "yoink!"

What kind of bird is that?

posted by dunkadunc at 5:01 PM on June 17, 2011


Wow, animal gifs on a tumblr blog, it's like you took the worst of the internet and coated it in batter and deep fried it.
posted by TheBones at 5:02 PM on June 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


So said a blacksmith from Berlin,
"It does what it says on the tin.
When you consent, prithee,
To come with a smithy,
You pay with the wages of Sn."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:02 PM on June 17, 2011 [4 favorites]




But seriously, the more we recognize the depth of animals' emotional lives, the more room we must allow for the possibility that one of those emotions may sometimes be, "I feel like being a dick."
posted by Trurl at 5:29 PM on June 17, 2011 [7 favorites]


nathancaswell: "this is the best "

Parrots have a habit of pretty much tasting anything that they touch. Their tongues are their instrument of exploration. And it seems like the little feller tasted the the turtle and said, Ick. No way.

As a parrot owner I approve of that video in a big way.
posted by Splunge at 5:43 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


There is something about a toddler getting hit in the head by a flying terrier that IS SIMPLY FUCKING HILARIOUS.

As the father of two small boys and a cairn terrier (which is what that is) I heartily agree.
posted by The Bellman at 5:49 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


These were fun, but several aren't really doing what it says on the tin, and at the end of the day there are only 17 gifs? A bit thin.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:50 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Cat barking at dog, then becoming a cat again.

Meowing is just how cats talk to humans. To other cats, they trill or yowl.

I've trained my cat to show up when I whistle.
posted by orthogonality at 6:02 PM on June 17, 2011


Cat barking at dog, then becoming a cat again.

"Bark! Bark! Ba - oh, uh, didn't see you there...I mean, um, meow? Yeah, meow. Totally."
posted by daisystomper at 6:08 PM on June 17, 2011 [16 favorites]




But you gotta feel sorry for that dog getting pwned by the turtle.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 6:41 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


As a parrot owner I approve of that video in a big way.

I've met a lot of parrots, cockatoos, macaws and such, and every single one of them was a mischievous (if not outright malicious) trickster dinosaur just looking to start some shit.

They are not animals I would describe as "sweet" or "innocent", for the most part. Playful, sure. Innocent? Without guile? Rarely.
posted by loquacious at 6:51 PM on June 17, 2011 [9 favorites]


I've seen the Bird Fight Club thing before, except it was a bunch of ducks who created a fighting ring for a couple of geese in a pond at a local park. It was the damnedest thing, the geese started going at it and then the ducks all came to watch and quack them on.
posted by dismas at 6:59 PM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


Crows being dicks
posted by various at 7:36 PM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


This dog is my freaking hero.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 7:50 PM on June 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


Is he seducing me?
posted by munchingzombie at 8:04 PM on June 17, 2011


This is the best. Spider being a complete dick to an ant. Watch til the end.
posted by cashman at 8:19 PM on June 17, 2011 [5 favorites]




It was the damnedest thing, the geese started going at it and then the ducks all came to watch and quack them on.

I once saw a male and female duck land in my neighbours pool and they were swimming around like they were an item, then a few hours later this other male duck flies in, fights the first male duck (leaving bloody leaves in the pool), and takes his girl. It was like spring break at Senor Frogs for ducks.

But of all the birds, swans are the biggest dicks IMO. On the Rideau River there's these swans that were introduced, given to the city by the Queen or something in the 60s. They're total assholes. My wife and I used to walk down to the river in the spring to smoke weed and watch the ducks and ducklings in the reeds. The duck family had this little flattened nest-ish area on the grasses and reeds on the side of the river just being cute baby ducks and shit, and these jerk-ass swans roll up and they're all hissing with their beaks open and necks all bending funny and wings out, getting all aggro. They scared the ducks off and stole their duck house!

Also, in a cab on my way out of Prague we went over this bridge and we saw like 6 cops on the sidewalk surrounding this angry-ass swan who had fsomehow found its way up there and was also getting all aggro. They're pretty big, too. Cops were all like "WTF? What do you do about an angry swan?"

Fuck swans.
posted by Hoopo at 8:34 PM on June 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


mischievous (if not outright malicious) trickster dinosaur just looking to start some shit.


Hells yes, and I will again take this opportunity to talk about the sadistic dinasaur jerk that I live with. He's taken a strong dislike to any rattlely bottle or container; vitamins, antibiotics, dental floss, whatever, but if he sees them on a table, or countertop, the first thing he has to do is fly over, land next to it, squawk at it, and then bulldoze it off the surface onto the ground. Once it has hit the ground he makes his "dropping" noise and then cackles at its prone form. Unfortunately, he has to have learnt the cackle from me, in terms of sound mimicry, but he uses it only to taunt those foes which he has summarily dispatched to the netherworld of catland, the floor.
Why does he need to laugh at them? Why does my bird taunt inanimate objects after he has "beaten" them? I suggest it is because he is a dick.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:06 PM on June 17, 2011 [6 favorites]


Cats, as I understand it, have a freakishly large range of vocal capabilities. I know that one of mine will perfect his bird calls on lazy spring and summer days, and it's the damndest thing to watch. (He has yet to attack any of the birds he chills with, bizarrely.)

But my favorite example of this was much like the parrot-turtle interaction, only with my friend's two cats. His living room was about six feet lower than his dining area, with a simple iron rail protecting the drop-off. Kira, the Maine Coon who would normally be the alpha in this couple, was sleeping at the edge, when Sam, the smaller, dumber domestic shorthair tuxedo cat, ran out of nowhere and headbutted her over the cliff.

Fine, cat stuff, but what totally made it was Sam just immediately walking away calmly as if to say, "cool. No more Kira. Problem solved." It was some cold shit, I'll tell you that much.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:17 PM on June 17, 2011 [3 favorites]




I have now watched Toddler Toppled By Leaping Terrier several dozen more times, and I think I've found the keys to the clips hilarity:

1. Toddler hand placement. He's on a goddamn mission. He's a goddamn professional! Hands at ten and two, just where they should be. And after impact, as he topples over, hands STILL ON THE WHEEL. "I can steer out of this!"

2. Toddler head placement. Eyes fixed forward. He's got no time for distractions. He's icy, man, focused on reaching the end of that hallway in record time. What's down there? A ticking bomb he must defuse? A plate of cookies? We do not know.

3. Terrier attitude. TOTALLY FUCKING BODY CHECK WHAM, SON, MEET THE GROUND. And then, instantly, "Well. That was a thing that happened."

4. The collison happened at the only spot in the hallway that would maximize hilarity at minimum risk. Terrier had enough room to gather himself for a jump, toddler didn't bang his head against the wall. Timing is everything!

Yes, I've thought about this too much. Yes, it's STILL making me laugh.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:46 PM on June 17, 2011 [23 favorites]


Hoppo, you're just teeing them up for me.

I once saw a male and female duck land in my neighbours pool and they were swimming around like they were an item, then a few hours later this other male duck flies in, fights the first male duck (leaving bloody leaves in the pool), and takes his girl. It was like spring break at Senor Frogs for ducks.

First, an excuse to post the duck link, which I mentioned at every opportunity because NATURE IS FUCKED UP, YO, and i want other people to know. Oh, yeah. Rape flights. Uh-hunh.

Cops were all like "WTF? What do you do about an angry swan?"

Second, an excuse to quote P.G. Woodehouse.:

"Every young man starting out in life ought to know how to cope with an angry swan, so I will briefly relate the proper procedure. You begin by picking up the raincoat which somebody has dropped; and then, judging the distance to a nicety, you simply shove the raincoat over the bird's head; and, taking the boat-hook which you have prudently brought with you, you insert it underneath the swan and heave. The swan goes into a bush and starts trying to unscramble itself; and you saunter back to your boat taking with you any friends who may happen at the moment to be sitting on roofs in the vicinity. That was Jeeves' method, and I cannot see how it could have been improved upon."

From Very Good, Jeeves. Highly recommended.
posted by Diablevert at 9:59 PM on June 17, 2011 [12 favorites]


2bucksplus, regarding dogs and humans stepping on each other's feet, apparently for fun... That's a regular occurrence at my house, too. Awesome.
posted by pkingdesign at 10:12 PM on June 17, 2011


That llama is straight out of a Stephen King gig...the eyes, THE EYES...!!!
posted by rahnefan at 10:17 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I hate teste snapping turtle.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 10:30 PM on June 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


Am I the only person who is worried about the second dog in this video? Jumping from a moving vehicle can't be good...
posted by dhens at 11:43 PM on June 17, 2011 [5 favorites]


Puppy trolling a cat.
posted by nickyskye at 11:49 PM on June 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I've trained my cat to show up when I whistle.

Silly human. The cat has trained you to whistle when it wants to show up. It's all a pre-emptive mind control trick so the cat can arrive with fanfare.
posted by amyms at 12:29 AM on June 18, 2011 [13 favorites]




We cannot discuss this topic without Never Saying No to Panda.
posted by Sutekh at 1:54 AM on June 18, 2011 [9 favorites]


The dog stealing the sled was sublime; there's no way it could be mere accident.

And personally, if a dolphin started showing that much interest in my goodies, I'd be out of the water quicker than you can say "pack rapists of the seas".
posted by rodgerd at 1:57 AM on June 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


Animals being dicks? I once saw a burro being an ass, a dog being a bitch, a chicken being fowl, and a cat being a pussy.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:20 AM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Am I the only person who is worried about the second dog in this video? Jumping from a moving vehicle can't be good...

And there are no "animals being dicks" in that video. Just "animals not understanding physics".
posted by dgaicun at 4:30 AM on June 18, 2011


For the sake of pageviews I guess anything funny looking that happens to an animal is them "being a dick".
posted by dgaicun at 4:38 AM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Top Hat Kitten kind of summarizes my feelings when I see a guy wearing a fedora.
posted by Shepherd at 5:33 AM on June 18, 2011


Don't try to spit-fight with a llama. You will always lose.
posted by bwg at 5:38 AM on June 18, 2011


I felt bad when the bird took the snack from the kangaroo. Total dick move.
posted by tommasz at 6:29 AM on June 18, 2011


All good but Condescending Llama conquers all.
posted by panboi at 6:45 AM on June 18, 2011


Haha Tophat Kitten

"When she here I be quiet, but when she leave I BE TALKING AGAIN!"
posted by dapperkoala at 10:42 AM on June 18, 2011


Argh! Apparently this is one of those sites that updates all the URLs when it adds a video. Now all the links are wrong.

On the plus side, ninja squirrel.
posted by dirigibleman at 11:35 AM on June 18, 2011


I can't stop watching sneak attack.

It's finally happened. I've become the crazy cat lady, watching cat videos inside on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

/seeks help
posted by flyingsquirrel at 1:48 PM on June 18, 2011


Hoopo: I once saw a male and female duck land in my neighbours pool ...

Yes. I was recently at a park with my daughters. They were enjoying the adorable duck family with 4 fluffy duckings paddling along. Another drake shoots down the creek, lands on the back of the mother, pins her neck in his beak and goes to town. All the while, daddy duck is trying to fight him off. The attacker finishes up and leisurely paddles away. The girls are appalled and confused and angry at the meany-butt duck. Then it happens again. And again. And again. I'm assuming that each drake was a different one. When we left, the family had made its way to a larger pond where the mother duck was swimming in constant circles to avoid the rapists while the father chased the rapists in circles after the mother. It was pretty harrowing, and boy did those kids have some questions...
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 2:08 PM on June 18, 2011


I was hoping for one with a big male baboon, so I could write "Christ, what an asshole!"
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:48 PM on June 18, 2011


OK, seems relevant...

I taught my dog a new trick. I'm in the SCA, and taught Dexter to bow on command. Today was his big debut: the first dog-friendly event where the Crown would be present.

I practiced with him last night. Perfect.

I present him to the Crown. The King & Queen know him; they can tell we're about to do a trick. And... "Dexter, BOW."

He licks his balls.
posted by IAmBroom at 6:59 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ravenous dogs devour small child (from reddit).
posted by Ritchie at 4:36 AM on June 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


I have now watched Toddler Toppled By Leaping Terrier several dozen more times...

"Back, and to the left... back, and to the left... Back... and to the left."
posted by Ritchie at 4:46 AM on June 19, 2011


Meowing is just how cats talk to humans. To other cats, they trill or yowl.

My cat thinks I'm a cat.

She does have quite a varied vocabulary. We have conversations with conclusions and sometimes disagreement ... One of these days I'll get some video together.
posted by krinklyfig at 5:50 AM on June 19, 2011


I'm pretty sure that FU Penguin had animals' true natures figured out before this website.
posted by Corpsegoddess at 2:36 PM on June 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


Fuck swans.

Leda did.
posted by fiercecupcake at 10:49 AM on June 24, 2011


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