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Time Cube, 1893
June 27, 2011 1:30 PM   Subscribe

MAP OF THE SQUARE AND STATIONARY EARTH. Send 25 Cents to the Author, Prof. Orlando Ferguson, for a book explaining this Square and Stationary Earth. It Knocks the Globe Theory Clean Out. It will Teach You How to Foretell Eclipses. It is Worth Its Weight in Gold.
posted by Faint of Butt (48 comments total) 24 users marked this as a favorite

 
The crazy is strong with this one.
posted by odinsdream at 1:37 PM on June 27, 2011


Most practitioners of legendarily levels of anti-scientific levels of foolishness are forgotten, not long after their deaths. Before now.

Poor Professor Ferguson. Probably more than a century dead and here I am thinking what a poor benighted genius for going to such incredible intellectual acrobatics to maintain a literal biblical interpretation.
posted by chimaera at 1:37 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is what happens when faith involves itself in science.
posted by kafziel at 1:39 PM on June 27, 2011


Reminds me of the Game Of Thrones opening sequence.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 1:40 PM on June 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


I also want that book. Someone in North Dakota able to dig into this and see if one might have survived?
posted by chimaera at 1:41 PM on June 27, 2011


Fabulous illustration, and strangely elegant. I was tempted at first to compare it to a roulette wheel, but that does it a disservice.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:41 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


So... Gene Ray's ancestor?
posted by kmz at 1:41 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


I have searched high and low but cannot, alas, find a copy of this most excellent book on the Internet.

Damn. I would like a copy.
posted by never used baby shoes at 1:44 PM on June 27, 2011


Man, I can almost hear him yelling "you are educated stupid!"

For some reason, it reminds me of some of the charts reproduced in George Marsden's Fundamentalism and American Culture, such as the dispensationalist chronology of the universe.
posted by dhens at 1:44 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


Fabulous illustration, and strangely elegant.

I agree. But then when you notice where the sun is, and you start thinking about how night is supposed to happen, and then you start thinking about how seasons are supposed to happen...

But, yes, it is quite pretty. I wouldn't mind a nice print of that on my wall.
posted by clorox at 1:46 PM on June 27, 2011


I love this.

Wacky theory + penchant for cartography = brilliant folly
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:50 PM on June 27, 2011 [2 favorites]


That thing is gorgeous.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:59 PM on June 27, 2011


So if it wasn't for the smog I should be able to see Argentina somewhere up in the sky from here in LA?
Cool!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 1:59 PM on June 27, 2011


Awesome! I love the little "look at these idiots" cartoon on the side: These men are flying on the globe at the rate of 65,000 miles per hour around the sun, and 1,042 miles per hour around the center of the earth (in their minds). Think of that speed !

I can just imagine the Professor laughing quietly to himself as he wrote those words.

I also love how night is produced: the sun is apparently supposed to dangle down a bit into the circle so that the central mound casts a shadow on the opposite side, although this isn't entirely clear from the otherwise excellent illustration. I guess seasons would be produced by variations in the dangle depth.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 2:02 PM on June 27, 2011


I'm looking forward to this map being featured in Skate: Archaic Worldview Edition. The trepanning level is rough as hell.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 2:08 PM on June 27, 2011


The earth is a cigar ashtray.
posted by zzazazz at 2:10 PM on June 27, 2011


Roulette anyone? moon... on argentina.
posted by ennui.bz at 2:11 PM on June 27, 2011


This is a heretical interpretation of my "Roulette Wheel Earth" theory.
posted by GameDesignerBen at 2:12 PM on June 27, 2011


Wow, batshit was a lot prettier before the web.
posted by condour75 at 2:33 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


It'd be a lot of fun to generate a world model that would allow you to see what the horizons would look like if you lived on an object like this.

I'd also love to have been alive in this time, just so I could ask him the all important question;

"What's on the other side?!"
posted by quin at 2:40 PM on June 27, 2011


I think he is right. Just look at that glorious mustache. How could a man with whiskers like that be wrong?

That settles it - from now on, I'm putting a photo of myself (showing my facial hair!) on everything I send in for publication.
posted by caution live frogs at 2:40 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


So, I didn't think the Onion was that old....
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:40 PM on June 27, 2011


I guess the firmament dips in with the sun-on-a-stick to create stars on the southern horizon (since he's situated in south dakota) and block the view of south america? Unlike the flat-earth setup where the ocean just sits there because it's flat and gravity points "down", I'm curious what his book has to say about the field of gravity keeping it in position. In 1893 people had been sailing around the coast of Antarctica a long time; I guess he thinks they're in on the conspiracy (or something really neat happens with geometry to make that sailing time go really fast).
posted by a robot made out of meat at 2:48 PM on June 27, 2011


Makes me think of the wall of water scene in the last narnia movie.
posted by kenaldo at 2:49 PM on June 27, 2011


From an age when trolling meant something and was done with elegance and panache.
posted by Iron Rat at 2:58 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


TEACH THE CONTROVERSY!
posted by PlusDistance at 3:07 PM on June 27, 2011 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: Variations on dangle depth.
posted by ooga_booga at 3:15 PM on June 27, 2011


I like the way the text at the bottom seems to have been perfectly formatted to just fit within the constrains of my monitor. Maybe Prof. Ferguson was ahead of his time.
posted by hnnrs at 3:20 PM on June 27, 2011


Okay, cortex, are you making that thing in Minecraft, or do I have to?
posted by straight at 3:21 PM on June 27, 2011


So, is this related to Timecube at all? Or am I just Educated Stupid?
posted by HostBryan at 3:27 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh no, wait till the global warming deniers see this, yet another mainstream science belief debunked.
posted by stbalbach at 3:59 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


On Square Earth the TIME CUBE is a hypersphere.
posted by doctor_negative at 4:02 PM on June 27, 2011 [5 favorites]


At minimum, Magellan would have noticed that the noon sun ceased moving northward as he proceeded toward Cape Horn and began to move toward the zenith again. He also might have noticed that east-west distances were mysteriously large in the southern hemisphere.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:11 PM on June 27, 2011


In your heart you know it's flat.
posted by alex_reno at 4:19 PM on June 27, 2011


Why oh why can't there be a google maps of this?
posted by hot_monster at 4:24 PM on June 27, 2011


"What's on the other side?!"

It's turtles all the way down.
posted by bgrebs at 4:45 PM on June 27, 2011


I can see Antarctica from my house!
posted by pashdown at 4:51 PM on June 27, 2011


He also might have noticed that east-west distances were mysteriously large in the southern hemisphere.

Not if his measuring stick also grew (but only in the east-west direction). Yes, in fact the Professor scooped Einstein.
posted by phliar at 5:15 PM on June 27, 2011


Were he alive today, he'd be a serious contender for the GOP nomination.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 5:48 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


I would venture to suggest that those who do not see the irrefutable truth of Professor Ferguson's theory are educated stupid.
posted by Decani at 5:58 PM on June 27, 2011


The man, no, but the beard sir. For the beard alone, I salute you!
posted by djrock3k at 6:54 PM on June 27, 2011


I think they should teach this theory in school, so that kids can get exposed to different sides of the argument and make up their own minds.
posted by eye of newt at 9:37 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


I kinda want this as a tattoo.
posted by mykescipark at 10:06 PM on June 27, 2011 [1 favorite]


Anyone else read the comments on the history blog that's linked in the original FPP? Hyyyyyylarious. In a nerdy way. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
posted by flyingsquirrel at 10:50 PM on June 27, 2011


I felt so silly when I finally understood that "Prof. Orlando Ferguson" was actually the author.. hoping I could send him 25 cents (about $6.31 in modern currency) for this book explaining the delicious crazy. Wonder if there's still a copy out there somewhere?
posted by pyrex at 4:37 AM on June 28, 2011


But, where be monsters?
posted by malocchio at 8:51 AM on June 28, 2011


TEACH THE CONTROVERSY!

Third row, right in the middle.

My favorite is a few rows further down, and obvious.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:05 PM on June 28, 2011


I still think the Paul Bunyan one is best.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:12 PM on June 28, 2011


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