‘Ike ‘ia no ka loea i ke kuahu

July 12, 2011 11:10 AM

"I knew that by assembling seven different people and forcing them to live together, the show would have great philosophical implications". Television genius Sherwood Schwartz, dies at 94.
posted by mazola (81 comments total)

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posted by jquinby at 11:14 AM on July 12, 2011 [16 favorites]

(:.)

^ coconut
posted by JoanArkham at 11:14 AM on July 12, 2011 [5 favorites]

It's the only way off the Island.

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posted by chavenet at 11:16 AM on July 12, 2011

Thanks to him, I thought our backyard should be astroturfed.
posted by punkfloyd at 11:17 AM on July 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

Anyone who can create the Brady Bunch is ... incredible.

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posted by Melismata at 11:17 AM on July 12, 2011

The Brady Bunch is one of those strange shows where I have their whole house blueprint available for recall in my head. Here's the story... of a house of Bradys'.... written by a David Brady...

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posted by not_on_display at 11:17 AM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

A three hour tour? A three hour tour!?
posted by Sys Rq at 11:19 AM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

"Schwartz is survived by his wife of 69 years, Mildred Schwartz and four children, Don Schwartz, Lloyd Schwartz, Ross Schwartz and Hope Juber."

Wow. They were married for nearly 70 years. Impressive.

Ironically, his two most well-known shows, "The Brady Bunch" and "Gilligan's Island" were panned by the critics.

Also:

"A lot of people say television holds up a mirror to life, and that's why you see all the drug busts and the killings and the seamier side of life," he said in the 1990 Times interview. "I personally take the view that as a responsible producer, it's not sufficient to portray only negative role models. I think it's better to give an alternative. It's not enough to say 'no' to drugs. What do you say 'yes' to?"

I remember running to our tv set as a little kid to watch both The Brady Bunch and Gilligan's Island each afternoon. Thanks for hours and hours of fun and entertaining shows, Mr. Schwartz. May your memory be for a blessing.

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posted by zarq at 11:20 AM on July 12, 2011 [6 favorites]

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(TV was so much better when there were only 4 - 6 channels ( depending on your market... )
posted by mikelieman at 11:23 AM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Apparently, Orrin Hatch's use of Mr. Howell to illustrate a point on the floor of the Senate yesterday was enough to do him in.
posted by crunchland at 11:24 AM on July 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

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But to answer the real question with his two best known shows:
Mary Anne
Jan
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:25 AM on July 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

In a simple ceremony scheduled for later this week, Mr. Schwartz will be interred in a plain coffin made from coconut husks and parts salvaged from the radio.
posted by PlusDistance at 11:26 AM on July 12, 2011 [9 favorites]

That is not dead which can eternal continue via syndication and nostalgia channels.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:28 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

mikelieman: "(TV was so much better when there were only 4 - 6 channels ( depending on your market... )"

Hey, I grew up outside of New York, we had a whole seven channels on the main dial.
posted by octothorpe at 11:30 AM on July 12, 2011

Seven channels?!? Luxury!
posted by jscalzi at 11:36 AM on July 12, 2011

Sure, Gilligan, Bradys, whatever. Let us doff our caps in tribute to a situation comedy about astronauts marooned in time among cavepeople. Including Imogene Coca.

And people wonder how my generation got the way we are. Thanks, Sherwood, and RIP.
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:37 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't have many talents, but one of them is that I can identify any Brady Bunch episode within the first minute.

So long, Mr. Schwartz.
posted by bondcliff at 11:38 AM on July 12, 2011

All very cute. I watched HUNDREDS of hours of his shows back in the day as a latchkey kid, along with slightly better shows (Flintstones, Courtship of Eddie's Father, Room 222).

Yet: they sucked. Trite, corny, hack BS. I'm very jealous that my daughters, at a similar age, love Modern Family, and even their "trashy shows" (Victorious, iCarly, Zoey 101) are a thousand times more interesting.
posted by msalt at 11:42 AM on July 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

I don't have many talents, but one of them is that I can identify any Brady Bunch episode within the first minute.

bondcliff, my wife and I play that game competitively. It's a little disoncerting how often we are right.
posted by malocchio at 11:45 AM on July 12, 2011

I wonder if his coffin will be held together with syrup.
posted by tommasz at 11:46 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Will the globetrotters be in attendance ?
posted by k5.user at 11:47 AM on July 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

In Atlanta, we had four channels, one of which was Ted Turner's incipient Channel 17, available, of course, only by switching the black and white tv to UHF.

Gilligan's Island was my favorite show. It may still be. My first puppeh was named Ginger. We "played" Gilligan's Island all the time when I was a child. I wrote short plays (the then-equivalent of fan fiction) for us neighborhood kids to dramatize. I was either Gilligan or the Professor. :)

Jim Backus' passing was the first time I cared about a celebrity death (I was 21), and when Alan Hale Jr. went a year later, it caused a major frisson of melancholia to realize this is what it's like to grow older and have all of your heroes pass away.

I went into chemistry because of the Professor., and it was one of my proudest moments when one of my students called out to me in the lab "Hey, Professor!"

Thank you, Mr. Schwartz, for giving us that fantastic Island and all of its wacky, tender moments.

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posted by darkstar at 11:48 AM on July 12, 2011 [6 favorites]

Tonight, in his honor, I am going to play ball in the house.
posted by bondcliff at 11:49 AM on July 12, 2011 [11 favorites]

I was practically raised by Sherwood Schwartz and Donald Belisario.

I was about to write, "It's a shame they never collaborated." But then I realized that Battlestar Gallactica was really just Gilligan's Island in space.
posted by coolguymichael at 11:57 AM on July 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Tonight, in his honor, I am going to play ball in the house.

Just be careful you don't break mom's favourite vase!*

* vase must rhyme with 'face', not 'bars'.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:03 PM on July 12, 2011

"I knew that by assembling seven different people and forcing them to live together, the show would have great philosophical implications"

Ever since the dawn of time, man has pondered the essential question, "Ginger or Maryanne?"
posted by Afroblanco at 12:05 PM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Tonight, rather than risk the vase, I will sing, "When it's time to change" in his honor.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:07 PM on July 12, 2011

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May the Schwartz be with you.
posted by xedrik at 12:08 PM on July 12, 2011

Tonight, rather than risk the vase, I will sing, "When it's time to change " in his honor.

MetaMusic challenge!
posted by davejay at 12:09 PM on July 12, 2011

Robert Reed and other nay-sayers can dismiss the Brady Bunch and Gilligan's Island as pap or tripe or whatever, but there's no denying that Sherwood Schwartz struck some sort of chord with viewers that has kept these two shows in syndication for over 30 years. Much like The Three Stooges, 10-year-old kids today whose parents weren't even born yet during Gilligan's hey-day can still describe with excitement "that one where they grew the radioactive vegetables and Gilligan got super strength and then they all had to eat soap....!!" RIP Mr. Schwartz, you've made millions of people happy over the years, which is not a bad legacy at all to leave behind.
posted by Oriole Adams at 12:10 PM on July 12, 2011 [6 favorites]

So the pitch for The Brady Bunch was exactly the same as the pitch for The Real World. One of those things that seems obvious in hindsight.
posted by penduluum at 12:10 PM on July 12, 2011

So the pitch for The Brady Bunch was exactly the same as the pitch for The Real World. One of those things that seems obvious in hindsight.

I'm going to pitch a reality show where seven people have to share one bathroom.
posted by The Whelk at 12:15 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was huge fan of both shows when I was a kid. I find them almost unwatchable now, but when I was younger, they made life a whole lot more fun. Thanks for that, Mr. Schwartz.

And thank you for providing everyone else in the world with a completely inaccurate picture of Hawaii. I can send friends cheap, totally inauthentic tiki statues and they think they're getting something local.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:16 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I talked with his assistant a couple of years ago, negotiating permission to cover "The Ballad of Gilligan's Island." (It's a bonus track on our second album.) He was always cool about people covering his songs, as long as they didn't do anything nasty. I don't know if he ever got to hear our version, but I hope he liked it.

Rest in peace, Mr. Schwartz. Bob Denver will greet you at the Pearly Gates and drop a coconut on your head.

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posted by Faint of Butt at 12:20 PM on July 12, 2011

Growing up, I would plant my "husky" butt on the floor and watch sitcoms after school into the early evening. As an only child in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, The Brady Bunch was as close to my day-to-day life as F Troop, but I loved the stories, corny as even I recognized they were.

Many years later, at a dinner party we hosted while living and working overseas, one of our guests, a vivacious American woman, suddenly said, "Pawk chopsh and appleshauce." After recovering from my laughing fit, I was ready to propose to her, except that the country in which we were living did not recognize bigamous marriages. That, then, was the enduring power of Mr. Schwartz's spell.

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posted by the sobsister at 12:22 PM on July 12, 2011

I had just read about this and was coming to post about it here and I had a very similar quotation "And it was all with a view towards the respect that people have to learn for each other because nobody is the same as anybody else. When would a billionaire sit down and have lunch with Gilligan, except if he had to? The same is true of a movie star and a professor. There's miles between them, but when they're stuck in the same place they have to learn to live together. That's what the show is about, people learning to live together." from this TV Party interview.

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posted by jessamyn at 12:30 PM on July 12, 2011 [9 favorites]

Loved both shows and watched them endlessly as a kid. My one daughter has inherited my sarcastic mocking/loving of all things corny and has recently started watching the "Brady Bunch." She frequently does things like exclaim "Oh my NOSE!" while dramatically covering her face while dodging an imaginary football. (This is the same daughter who STILL says things like "I'm sore at you, Dad" or "Are you giving me the business?" years after "Leave it to Beaver" was the only show we got at lunchtime.

The skeptic in me, however, suspects that Schwartz's recounting of the creation of his shows are a bit revisionist. He goes on about how right from the beginning, he wanted to show the island as being a "microcosm of society" and to demonstrate how different people can get along and live in harmony or whatever...serious philosophical messages wrapped in comedy!
But I can't remember any episodes of getting along...most of the episodes were about Gilligan receiving a radio station in his dental work or thinking he was a vampire after being bitten by a bat.

R.I.P. though, for sure.
posted by chococat at 12:35 PM on July 12, 2011

3 hour tour = maximum 90 minutes out and back to port

S. S. Minnow cruising speed: 12 knots

Max distance from port: 20.7 statute miles

Distance to horizon, miles, based on height of observer, feet: 1.323 * sqrt(h)

Height of tower (or helicopter) from which the island would be visible from the mainland: 749 feet

(yes, I know, the weather started getting rough, and they were blown off course...)
posted by kurumi at 12:35 PM on July 12, 2011 [12 favorites]

Someone obviously needs to suspend their disbelief.
posted by tommasz at 12:43 PM on July 12, 2011

It'll be interesting to see which shows we're watching now (if any) reach the kind of iconic status these have after forty years.
posted by mean cheez at 12:46 PM on July 12, 2011

Hey, I grew up outside of New York, we had a whole seven channels on the main dial.

Me too, but I'm old now, and my maths skills aren't what they used to be.... 3 networks, 3 indies + PBS ( AND depending on how the UHF was working perhaps another 1 or two... )
posted by mikelieman at 12:49 PM on July 12, 2011

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Also, apparently I am the same age as a lot of you.
posted by desjardins at 12:50 PM on July 12, 2011

The Brady Bunch was as close to my day-to-day life as F Troop

( The end of the Civil War was near.... )
posted by mikelieman at 12:51 PM on July 12, 2011

I used to work with his daughter-in-law. They're a nice family.

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posted by something something at 12:56 PM on July 12, 2011

I am so old. . .
How old are you?
I am so old that when my brothers and I get tired of Monty Python references and Spinal Tap references, we toss around the Gilligan's Island quotes:

"Thanks a lot, Gilligan!"

"Everyone knows the Mosquitos: Bingo, Bango, Bongo, and Irving"

"Never recovered. . . Never recovered. . . "

"We don't have an alcove. . . you schmuck!"

"Just look out the window. . . "

And finally, Mr. Schwartz' bid for immortality must be the majesty that is The Castaways Production of Hamlet, a musical comedy based on the music of Georges Bizet's Carmen!

Please join with me in singing in his honor (to the tune of the March of the Toreadors) these immortal words:

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
Never forget, stay out of debt.
Think twice and take this good advice from me,
Guard that old solvenceeeeeee!
There's just one other thing you've got to do --
To thine ownself be truuuuue!

Thanks, Mr. Schwartz, from the bottom of my childhood.
 
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posted by Herodios at 12:57 PM on July 12, 2011 [14 favorites]

I knew that by assembling seven different people and forcing them to live together

I was not previously aware of this person. Due to the above quote, I confess I was ready to hold him responsible for both reality television and Human Centipede.
posted by vanar sena at 1:12 PM on July 12, 2011

Ginger Grant was a great self-esteem role model for me as a gawky, bespectacled carrot-topped little girl. Mr. Schwartz, thanks for not taking the easy way out and casting a blonde.
posted by padraigin at 1:16 PM on July 12, 2011

Even in Malaysia of the seventies they were showing these in the afternoon.
posted by infini at 1:20 PM on July 12, 2011

Ah, yes - forgot about PBS! That made five channels for us.

Love those Gilligan's Island songs, herodios! *starts singing "You Need Me"*
posted by darkstar at 1:22 PM on July 12, 2011

You Need Us" (SLYT)
posted by darkstar at 1:27 PM on July 12, 2011

While I generally don't like to advertise that my reading habits do every once in awhile veer towards the TV tell-all, I will confess here that I really enjoyed Barry Williams' book, Growing Up Brady, if only for the many original memos it included from Robert Reed to Schwartz complaining about the logical implausibility of several the show's plotlines, including the unlikely possibility that Peter would ever just happen to run into his exact doppelganger at school, allowing him to keep two dates on the same night.
posted by The Gooch at 1:34 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I salute Mr Schwartz for the many hours of entertainment he provided by playing the Trombone of Chagrin.

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posted by usonian at 1:37 PM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

It's been said before, but much of Emily Dickinson's oeuvre can, in fact, be sung to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme. Example.
posted by gimonca at 1:50 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I salute Mr Schwartz for the many hours of entertainment he provided by playing the Trombone of Chagrin.

Every now and then I learn a new word or phrase for something, something I've known about all my life but never knew had a name. Aglet, Thagomizer, uvula, etc. But goddammit if "the Trombone of Chagrin" isn't the best one of them I've ever heard.

I can't even play it since I'm at work but I know exactly what it is.

Waaawawawawahwahwah
posted by bondcliff at 1:52 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Schwartz' body was discovered by his wife of 69 years, apparently dying peacefully in his sleep with his beloved Tiki tied around his neck.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:59 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I grew up with just two tv channels (yeah I'm old, plus it was out in the sticks), and all I knew as a kid was, my favorite shows all seemed to have 'Sherwood Schwartz' writ large in the credits.
Thank you, Mr. Schwartz: you made my childhood magical.
posted by easily confused at 2:06 PM on July 12, 2011

I really enjoyed Barry Williams' book, Growing Up Brady, if only for the many original memos it included from Robert Reed to Schwartz complaining about the logical implausibility of several the show's plotlines

I totally second the recommendation for Growing Up Brady and Robert Reed's memos. There's another memo that I can't find on the Internet at the moment, but it was hilarious. Imagine some Shakespearean actor not only telling you that your script sucks, but providing an itemized list of reasons why your script sucks and how much it sucks. That's exactly what it was like.

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posted by jonp72 at 2:07 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

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posted by Gelatin at 2:13 PM on July 12, 2011

Mortis Mortis Mortis!
posted by tzikeh at 2:15 PM on July 12, 2011

But goddammit if "the Trombone of Chagrin" isn't the best one of them I've ever heard.

In 1998, a coworker and I spend hours searching the internet for that audio clip. (Hey, it was dot com days and we had literally nothing better to do that day.) I don't remember which of us came up with the phrase as shorthand.

We came up empty-handed at the time, although we did find the location of the Brady House and make a pilgrimage.
posted by usonian at 2:16 PM on July 12, 2011

Just here to say that you can sing Amazing Grace to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme.
posted by squalor at 2:22 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sherwood Schwartz' cameo on Rosanne

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posted by ZeusHumms at 2:22 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

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posted by evilcolonel at 2:23 PM on July 12, 2011

Weird Al! Tone Loc! I love that Gilligan's Isle Thing!
posted by squalor at 2:27 PM on July 12, 2011

We had three or four TVs scattered around the house, but they were all black and white's. My parents got their first color TV several years after I'd left home. So, when I look at these old clips, the color always comes as a shock.

RIP Mr. Schwartz.
posted by marsha56 at 2:39 PM on July 12, 2011

I still sing the Hamlet song.

Often.

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posted by Windopaene at 2:47 PM on July 12, 2011

You want to talk about immortality? I know some seven to ten year olds who can't get enough of watching the Brady Bunch on their mom's iPad.
posted by whuppy at 2:58 PM on July 12, 2011

The words to the Gilligan's Island theme work surprisingly well with the tune of Cortez the Killer.

Someone should make a Gilligan the Killer mashup.
posted by Afroblanco at 2:59 PM on July 12, 2011

One of the people at WFMU got an interview with Sherwood Schwartz just a couple months ago.


Meanwhile... "Gilligan's Isle Thing"? Weird Al also does a concert-exclusive short piece "I'm in Love With the Skipper" and one of his '80s albums included "The Brady Bunch/Safety Dance".

The words to the Gilligan's Island theme work surprisingly well with the tune of Cortez the Killer.
Not the only rock anthem that applies to... (and I recall that this was tied up in copyright hell for years, not because of Sherwood Schwartz; Led Zeppelin has no sense of humor)
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:28 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I owe everything to Dr. Gilligan... he taught me to walk and to talk and to dress like a regular laidy! 'E give me real class, 'e did!
SNORRRT!

Good times.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 3:29 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Schwartz' body was discovered by his wife of 69 years, apparently dying peacefully in his sleep with his beloved Tiki tied around his neck.

Cause of death: Bite of the dreaded Hawaiian tarantula.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:04 PM on July 12, 2011

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posted by Smart Dalek at 4:07 PM on July 12, 2011

I had such a crush on Gilligan.
posted by JanetLand at 4:38 PM on July 12, 2011

Him?
posted by bondcliff at 4:57 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Use your HEAD Inspector!

*BUH-RoooooM!*


:D
posted by darkstar at 5:26 PM on July 12, 2011

Because nobody else has said it yet:

My Favorite Martian was also pretty awesome.

Also, because I was reading about this last week, he was also responsible for the TV version of Harper Valley PTA, which I like to think came about because his previous TV successes had such memorable songs that he thought he'd just go with an idea originally based on one.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:03 PM on July 12, 2011

I wanted to those berries that allowed you to know what the others were thinking.
posted by pianomover at 6:13 PM on July 12, 2011

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posted by wrapper at 6:39 PM on July 12, 2011

he was also responsible for the TV version of Harper Valley PTA, which I like to think came about because his previous TV successes had such memorable songs that he thought he'd just go with an idea originally based on one.

You must have missed the movie version. According to IMDB, it was the film debut of Woody Harrelson.
posted by jonp72 at 6:41 PM on July 12, 2011

Not the only rock anthem that applies to... (and I recall that this was tied up in copyright hell for years, not because of Sherwood Schwartz; Led Zeppelin has no sense of humor)

Thanks, oneswellfoop! I heard that song-mashup 30 years ago and have wondered about it ever since. I'd never been able to find it, and always figured I had imagined hearing it. Because really, the lyrics of the theme to Gilligan's Island sung to Stairway to Heaven is such a crazy idea it couldn't possibly exist.
posted by oozy rat in a sanitary zoo at 9:04 PM on July 12, 2011

Excuse the derail, but these links should close the loop:

Little Roger and the Goosebumps Wikuhpaedia page.

Picture of the Stairway to Gilligan's Island 45, for proof it was released.

Recent interview with Little Roger Clark in Berkeley Monthly, covering his thoughts on "Stairway to Gilligan's Island", Sherwood Schwartz, Peter Grant, Robert Plant, Weird Al, et al.

Excerpts (slightly paraphrased):

We had this sort of trash medley that we did at the end of the night where we would just do dozens of songs slammed together. . . everything from Jeff Beck to TV themes to Mahavishnu Orchestra. So we thought, “OK, let’s throw Gilligan’s Island in here”. That’s the thing about a great idea; everybody gets to take credit. We didn’t sit down and conceive of this. It was an accident of boredom in rehearsal.

People who thought “Stairway to Heaven” was profound also happened to be pot-smoking fans of Gilligan’s Island. For the people who hated “Stairway to Heaven” it was an opportunity to poke fun at it. “Stairway to Heaven” was the most-played record on FM radio. . . . disc jockeys were tired of having to play it. . . . So they jumped at [our record].

[Weird Al is] not doing [mashups or parodies] without permission in advance. I got no permission in advance and also I was fucking with two people, one of whom was not reasonable.

I could put it out again, but now I could never get it past the Gilligan's Island people. They hated it.

I have no career as a novelty artist and never did and never aspired to. It’s not my reference point. It’s just something we did that happened to get popular, that hit some cultural critical mass at the right time and was all over the fucking radio. There’s some really amazing stories around that record that happened, but it’s like 35 years ago.

Seems like a regular guy, despite the interviewer baiting for snark.
posted by Herodios at 7:16 AM on July 13, 2011