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July 13, 2011 3:19 AM   Subscribe

School of French Kissing for Dogs {Warning: Lots and Lots of Humans Making out with Dogs}

From the UCB Midnight show. Who also!

Via the delightful new blog by a displaced URLesque founder: Slackstory
posted by Potomac Avenue (59 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
Alligator kiss
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:38 AM on July 13, 2011


I was about to post a link to Google image search for dog worms, but after nearly throwing up I decided against it.
posted by Elmore at 3:39 AM on July 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


That's...

I...

What.
posted by robcorr at 3:41 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm all for gross and creepy, but the part where he forces the chihuahua still until it freaks out is not OK. Lack of consent is disgusting no matter the species.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 3:45 AM on July 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


Why?
posted by howfar at 3:49 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


What is the reference to Arbys? Is this a parody of a real commercial?
posted by bitslayer at 3:52 AM on July 13, 2011


That was all sorts of fucked up.

Because dogs clean their genitals with their tongues, I will never let a dog lick my mouth.
posted by bwg at 3:54 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Obviously a piss-take, but no less vomit-inducing for all that.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 4:06 AM on July 13, 2011


Ah yes because if dogs washed their genitals without using their tongues, I'd be stiking my tongue in their doggy mouths in a (doggy) heartbeat!
posted by CautionToTheWind at 4:11 AM on July 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


Many years ago, I had a roommate who had a black lab who was extremely laid back, except during thunderstorms (which made him very anxious). I got home, had to drop stuff off, make a call, pick stuff up, and leave. The dog is following me around, looking for reassurance. I sit down, dial the phone, and he is really pestering me. I turn to say "knock it off" as he tried to lick me, resulting in an unexpected dog deep kiss. The person on the other end picks up to "Pah, urg, ack, pew..."
"Hello???"
"Excuse me, I was just french-kissed by a dog."
"Was it good for you?"
As a result, I feel no need to watch this video.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:16 AM on July 13, 2011 [10 favorites]


*wurp!*
posted by Jofus at 4:23 AM on July 13, 2011


This video humped my leg, but I didn't enjoy it.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:24 AM on July 13, 2011


CautionToTheWind: "Ah yes because if dogs washed their genitals without using their tongues, I'd be stiking my tongue in their doggy mouths in a (doggy) heartbeat!"

Eponysterical. And still icky.
posted by bwg at 4:31 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Because dogs clean their genitals with their tongues among many other reasons, I will never let a dog lick my mouthin my house.

FTFY
posted by DU at 5:14 AM on July 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


"What makes me an expert? I've kissed men of all ages! Now I can give your dog my expertise."

Just a few shades off cool, there, I think.
posted by bicyclefish at 5:16 AM on July 13, 2011


No. No. No thank you.

I watched 45 seconds or so just to make sure that School of French Kissing For Dogs was not Comic Video That Makes It Looks Like People Are French Kissing Dogs. Eurgh. (I have no real words.)
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:19 AM on July 13, 2011


bestiality of the web
posted by orme at 5:25 AM on July 13, 2011 [14 favorites]


So unfunny it borders on dangerous.
posted by item at 5:35 AM on July 13, 2011


didn't watch it, not going to, it already made me think of this and i really didn't need to think of that this morning.
posted by msconduct at 5:41 AM on July 13, 2011


wat
posted by jquinby at 5:52 AM on July 13, 2011


My Lord pass me the Bourbon.
posted by clavdivs at 5:58 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


No.
posted by Debaser626 at 6:04 AM on July 13, 2011


Accidental dog french kissing story from the ever nasty b3ta.

Suggest you consider the proximity of your breakfast/lunch/dinner before reading. Text possibly NSFW, but no pictures
posted by fatfrank at 6:07 AM on July 13, 2011


Ugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!
posted by not_on_display at 6:18 AM on July 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


from dog's scrotum to man's tastebuds, so the proverb goes
posted by Horselover Phattie at 6:37 AM on July 13, 2011


My dog does not lick my face, ever. He came from the pound that way. For this, I love him.
posted by RedEmma at 6:38 AM on July 13, 2011


I immediately began a mental list of people I could squick with this.
posted by adipocere at 6:40 AM on July 13, 2011


It's really quite ok to wish that the dogs suddenly chomp down and sever a human lip or a tongue tip here.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 6:46 AM on July 13, 2011


Didn't watch. But I'm pretty kissy with my dog. Probbly looks gross. I don't think I'll ever film it.
posted by Trochanter at 6:52 AM on July 13, 2011


You can love your pets, but you don't have to looove your pets.
posted by zarq at 6:57 AM on July 13, 2011 [2 favorites]


I love all goggies and firmly believe that they require endless snuggles, but no way are those slobbery, ass-licking mouths getting anywhere near my face.
posted by elizardbits at 7:03 AM on July 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


That was fucking awesome....anything that makes me simultaneously laugh and dry-heave = two thumbs up.
posted by stifford at 7:12 AM on July 13, 2011


One of my sweet wonderful goofy dogs has an unhealthy obsession with the kitty's litter box. The other one on occasion has been known to eat vomit. I love them more than life itself, but no way their tongues get near my mouth.
posted by Cocodrillo at 7:22 AM on July 13, 2011


Dogs also love to eat poop- their own and others.
posted by TheBones at 7:32 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


If you've noticed in many Muslim countries dogs are marginalized as unclean. Turns out this was a snub to the Zoroastrians, at the time the Persians were being forcibly converted. In olden times dogs were sacred and you had all sorts of moral obligations to them.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:01 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I have many dogs, and I'm not clicking that link because, eeew blech. And yeah, licking their genitals is one of the least gross things they do with their mouths.

On the other hand, humans lick each other's genitals and then french kiss the same or different people and nobody minds. But I don't want to see that on video either.
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:08 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


> If you've noticed in many Muslim countries dogs are marginalized as unclean. Turns out this was a snub to the Zoroastrians, at the time the Persians were being forcibly converted.

This is simply not true. Dogs were considered unclean before the Arabs even left the peninsula.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 8:08 AM on July 13, 2011


Wonderfully, brilliantly disgusting.
posted by 2N2222 at 8:11 AM on July 13, 2011


This video just accomplished more for fake transgression than gg allin did for the real thing.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:31 AM on July 13, 2011


Google Image Search for Dog Worms

Capital-letter Dog People can be completely twisted.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:48 AM on July 13, 2011


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW
posted by Tom-B at 8:50 AM on July 13, 2011


Fun Fact: I can look at a Google Image Search for "Dog Worms" but I can't stomach clicking the link in the FPP.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:54 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: from dog's scrotum to man's tastebuds
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:00 AM on July 13, 2011


Ariel Pink did it before it was cool
posted by ymgve at 10:13 AM on July 13, 2011


The very end of this video makes it amazing. The final dog has the most incredible timing.
posted by Faithless327 at 10:28 AM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sure, dogs can french kiss, but they are absolutely terrible at shoulder massage.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:08 AM on July 13, 2011


I didn't even watch this and still I feel the urge to coat everything I own with Bactine.
posted by jimmythefish at 12:00 PM on July 13, 2011


I once accidentally drank some rotten milk, so I'd never let my mouth near my mouth.

Not to set off the THEY'RE ABUSING ANIMALS faction of humorless people, but it's true, folks. Well, "safe" would be more accurate than "clean."
posted by cmoj at 12:55 PM on July 13, 2011


i had a dream one night that i was kissing a girl and woke up to find that my girlfriend's poodle was kissing me

i was not pleased
posted by pyramid termite at 1:48 PM on July 13, 2011 [3 favorites]


The School of French Kissing for Dogs is one of the strangest sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how these people got their dogs' tongues wedged into their mouths, or why.
posted by Rhaomi at 2:18 PM on July 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't know, the last part looked fake to me (green screen)
posted by stormpooper at 3:57 PM on July 13, 2011


FelliniBlank: "On the other hand, humans lick each other's genitals and then french kiss the same or different people and nobody minds. But I don't want to see that on video either."

Then you'd better stay away from the entire Internet.
posted by bwg at 4:34 PM on July 13, 2011


I, uh, made this. Really shocked to see it on Metafilter today. The dogs were all treated very nicely. Anyone got any questions?
posted by Faithless327 at 5:58 PM on July 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


Since you went to all the trouble to come in here and admit to this, I screwed (eew) my courage to the sticking (eew) point and watched your little video. It was much, much more entertaining and much, much more discomfiting than I had imagined.

I'm in a room full of dogs right now, and I can't look at any of them without feeling dirty.

Question: How much did you have to pay the humans?
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:23 PM on July 13, 2011


Maybe there is something wrong with me, but i lol'd.
posted by rosswald at 8:24 PM on July 13, 2011


Take me down to parasite city where the dogs lick and the tongue is gritty, oh please won't you take me down....
posted by stormpooper at 3:42 AM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


FelliniBlank, we didn't pay the actors anything. We're all in a sketch comedy show together. We write a bunch of material each month, and then vote on which sketches we think are the funniest. Last month, we agreed to produce this video, but there's no money involved. We all love comedy and pushing boundaries.
posted by Faithless327 at 4:07 PM on July 17, 2011


Faithless, this was hilarious and really well put together. A lot of vocal mefites don't get jokes but I assure you there were lots of people LOLing and not posting about it. The only question I have is did you have to get any special permits to kiss dogs in the park? Cuz my local park is really annoying about such trivial matters.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:00 PM on July 18, 2011


Anyone got any questions?

Will you sign my dog?
posted by cortex at 11:30 AM on July 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


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