Comments on: Yay! Free Candy!

Yay! Free Candy!

BitterOldPunk — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:32:55 -0800

Suspicious Vans

By: Seamus

Seamus — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:34:54 -0800

Not seeing the suspiciousness. Can you expl . . .oh.

By: ZaneJ.

ZaneJ. — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:34:56 -0800

Suspicious Vans, meet Fucking Stupid Interface.

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:36:05 -0800

Man. That is the most over-wrought interface evar.

By: Seamus

Seamus — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:37:57 -0800

I think this van is suspicious to some people. Cops, mainly. I can't imagine getting very far driving that. Especially not in Oklahoma City. Must be why it is always parked.

By: Babblesort

Babblesort — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:39:14 -0800

Further

By: chatongriffes

chatongriffes — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:40:51 -0800

I'm pretty sure some of these guys drive vans like that.

By: norm

norm — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:41:08 -0800

When horrible memes collide.

By: anarch

anarch — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:41:37 -0800

At least Chad is savvy enough to provide drugs along with his criminal defense.

By: saladin

saladin — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:42:59 -0800

This is the most suspicious van I've ever seen personally.

By: LarryC

LarryC — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:44:04 -0800

Sarah Silverman Creepy Van Guy. Wish I could find the whole episode.

By: Halloween Jack

Halloween Jack — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:44:13 -0800

I want to stab that interface in the eyes, the way that it did to me.

By: Tom-B

Tom-B — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:44:23 -0800

SEEMS LEGIT

By: justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow

justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:45:35 -0800

The driver of this van seeks out vulnerable children, offering them assistance. He travels with a group of ex-cons on the run from the law, and is known to be heavily armed.

By: rtimmel

rtimmel — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:45:56 -0800

Based on a quality of the van, and the time it would be allowed on the road, I assume this is photoshopped.

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:46:07 -0800

I was going to say that I thought I recognized the (outside of that) adult bookstore as well as finding the creepy Baptist van familiar, but then I realized that wherever I've gone, adult bookstores and creepy Baptist vans have always looked the same. Which is almost as odd as the juxtaposition.

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:46:43 -0800

Bad interface. Baaaaaaaaaad interface! No biscuit.

By: Fizz

Fizz — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:49:16 -0800

This is a suspicious van.

By: punkfloyd

punkfloyd — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:50:14 -0800

Suspicious cans.

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:53:51 -0800

When I think of suspicious vans, they always look like these. Also, I think I bought a set of speakers from one of the vans on the FPP site.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:56:12 -0800

No, this is a suspicious Van.

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:59:10 -0800

How is this one suspicious? It's completely honest about it's intentions to eat your baby. Or is it suggesting that you should eat your own baby? Oh Neck Face, you rapscallion.

By: Phredward

Phredward — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:03:46 -0800

I'm glad to see Free Candy made the short list.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:06:42 -0800

This ~~giant radio~~ van that's parked near my apartment might qualify for this site.

By: Phatty Lumpkin

Phatty Lumpkin — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:07:56 -0800

Suspicious Vweians. Or are they Vaierns?

By: ian1977

ian1977 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:08:53 -0800

These are suspicious Vans.

By: Ironmouth

Ironmouth — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:15:13 -0800

hilarious

By: Flashman

Flashman — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:22:19 -0800

I used to cruise around, and I mean all around, in a homeless hippie/serial killer Toyota cargo van. Sure, maybe it was suspicious and creepy, but that was the best vehicle I'll probably ever own.

By: quin

quin — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:23:25 -0800

The Free Candy van has to be someone playing a really mean spirited prank or act of vandalism against some ex-boyfriend or something, because I can't imagine anyone is that otherwise stupid.

By: ian1977

ian1977 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:26:29 -0800

The Free Candy van has to be someone playing a really mean spirited prank or act of vandalism against some ex-boyfriend or something, because I can't imagine anyone is that otherwise stupid. Sounds like you are jealous.

By: octothorpe

octothorpe — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:34:04 -0800

I owned this exact van. '76 Ford Econoline with a manual 3 on the column and a straight-6 engine. Rust colored and rust riddled, I spent more time riveting sheet metal to the body of that thing than I did driving it.

By: quin

quin — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:35:18 -0800

Guilty. I had "Molest-o-Mobile" written on the side of mine and no one ever came over to visit. I only wish I had thought of "free candy". Ooh, do you think it's too late to do "Free Puppies and Kittens?", because that'd totally work!

By: ian1977

ian1977 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:37:30 -0800

Ooh, do you think it's too late to do "Free Puppies and Kittens?", because that'd totally work! How about 'Free Clown Ride'? no, that is just wrong.

By: pineapple

pineapple — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:40:37 -0800

The teens I know call these "kidnapping vans." Also, any white windowless van with no signage. I personally don't see why every single ice cream truck ever isn't included. I'm still perplexed on why we teach children it's okay to run up to total strangers offering sweets out of vans at some times but not others.

By: clockworkjoe

clockworkjoe — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:41:18 -0800

terrible interface and the pictures are too small.

By: ian1977

ian1977 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:44:15 -0800

I'm still perplexed on why we teach children it's okay to run up to total strangers offering sweets out of vans at some times but not others. It is about taxes or something I think.

By: peeedro

peeedro — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:45:22 -0800

Back during the DC sniper incident, I had a friend who had a white van he used for a junk hauling/disposal side job. While the police were actively pulling over all white vans he was pulled over late at night and the cop asked if he could search the back of the van. He was okay with that until he remembered what he had in the back, "Well, sure, but this might look bad but it's not what you think." He got out and opened up back door and showed the cop that the van was empty except for some painting drop cloth, a roll of duct tape, a shovel, and one high heeled shoe. After some muttering the cop let him go.

By: pjern

pjern — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:46:04 -0800

I suppose I qualify, then. This is my ride.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:56:34 -0800

My experience leads me to suspect that any van could be filled with touring musicians. If you happen to be in the vicintity when a door is opened, you might be rendered unconscious by a cloud of eau de feet and other assorted dude gasses trapped therin.

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:57:53 -0800

Such a great idea for a site, such awful interface. It's like the page designer hates viewers.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:00:28 -0800

There is a suspicious van parked in the garage this very moment. It has a bumper sticker that says HAM. (Not FREE HAM. Don't get any funny ideas.)

By: xedrik

xedrik — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:01:06 -0800

I'm in my 30s and I still run after the ice cream man. Because, dude. Ice cream.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:01:58 -0800

Nice Pete's van is the most suspicious van.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:02:23 -0800

Today I learned that an interface is capable of evil.

By: pineapple

pineapple — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:05:42 -0800

My experience leads me to suspect that any van could be filled with touring musicians. See, but Musician Van is going to be an Econoline with full windows. It looks more like Church Bus than Kidnapping Van. Agree that the whiff of dude funk will always give away Musician Van though.

By: lilkeith07

lilkeith07 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:10:33 -0800

justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow: "The driver of this van seeks out vulnerable children, offering them assistance. He travels with a group of ex-cons on the run from the law, and is known to be heavily armed" My friends and I attempted to recreate that van. We got close and then he decided to build a bed in the back and made it really suspicious. Sadly thats the best picture I have of it. We spent many hours working on that van and yes that is a deck ontop of the van.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:18:31 -0800

Suspicious tans.

By: localroger

localroger — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:18:46 -0800

That website interface is jammed into the corner of the empty parking lot of an abandoned motel. Nothing good can possibly be going on there.

By: Horselover Phattie

Horselover Phattie — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:23:45 -0800

As it turns out, the warehouse sent us out today with an extra set of speakers that weren't tracked in inventory. I can let these go to you for just $200!

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:28:30 -0800

No one has ever tried to sell me speakers from a van but I have been offered meat.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:42:13 -0800

I'm more of a Converse man.

By: joe lisboa

joe lisboa — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:45:33 -0800

Ska-spicious Vans.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:47:40 -0800

It looks more like Church Bus than Kidnapping Van. You aren't suspicious of Church Buses?

By: circular

circular — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:47:57 -0800

I called my neighbor one night, worried to find a suspicious van parked outside of her home, and noticing that her car wasn't there either. She lives alone. Nobody answered. I left a message. Hey, there's a kind of creepy van outside your house (chuckles)...let me know if everything's OK. Minutes later her um...companion for the evening rushed out and drove off in said van. Oops

By: bwg

bwg — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:48:04 -0800

You're caught in a trap you can't walk out Because I love you too much baby Why can't you see What you're doin' to me When you don't believe a word I say? We can't go on together With suspicious vans (Suspicious vans) And we can't build our dreams In suspicious vans

By: perhapses

perhapses — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:01:06 -0800

Horselover Phattie, that happened to me twice at different locations and months/years apart back in the early 1990s. Was that some kind of nation-wide scam? Both times it was two dudes in a plain white van and both times they were very persistent. I was walking down the sidewalk each time and they stayed in van while cruising next to me. Was I going to carry speakers all the way home?

By: perhapses

perhapses — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:05:11 -0800

Answered my own question for those interested.

By: Horselover Phattie

Horselover Phattie — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:06:29 -0800

perhapses, that also happened to me in the early 90s. White minivan and two guys. They seemed to know which days were payday for restaurant workers. Weird.

By: ernielundquist

ernielundquist — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:10:27 -0800

I dated a guy once who lived in a van that used to say "Refrigerator Service" on it, but he painted over letters so it said "rat Service" instead. He turned out to be a little creepy, though, so I broke up with him eventually.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:21:35 -0800

The Dark Tower thread above reminded me of the Stephen King Killed John Lennon van, which I saw in the wild in NYC once.

By: ian1977

ian1977 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:25:09 -0800

STEVEN KING SHOT JOHN LENNON What? No way! EVIDENCE PROVES Oh, well, really? Wow.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:28:43 -0800

as per 'You Know They've Got A Hell Of A Band', King's idea of 'hell' involves awesome classic rockers playing forever. and he did do so many drugs in the 70s he sometimes had complete, month long blackouts. i'm just saying....

By: bwg

bwg — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:47:02 -0800

You know what's suspicious? This! Seriously, where the fuck did he come from?

By: tumid dahlia

tumid dahlia — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:01:25 -0800

Suspicious LAN. Delicious flan.

By: StickyCarpet

StickyCarpet — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:08:52 -0800

As it turns out, the warehouse sent us out today with an extra set of speakers that weren't tracked in inventory. I can let these go to you for just $200! I got that pitch. I said I was long on speakers, so no thanks. He persisted. I said the best I could do was $20 for both, and he would have to carry them up 3 flights of stairs, five blocks away. And that I wouldn't pay him until I had hooked them up to my amp and listened to them. After some bickering with his accomplice, he accepted my offer. Yay white van speaker guys! They're big, solid, decent speakers. At that price, I figured the enclosures alone were worth it, but I haven't felt the need to swap the speakers out of them. I see the same model in bars.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:19:10 -0800

They seemed to know which days were payday for restaurant workers. Weird. The Meat In A Van guys would come around on or just after welfare check day where I grew up. Recently I've in bars near meatmarkets where guys have tried to sell packaged cuts of meat right after work.

By: emjaybee

emjaybee — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:24:26 -0800

Ha, my husband had the plain white Kidnapping Van because, wait for it...he had a band. That thing only had two seats in the front, one for me and one for him. The rest of the band had to sit on their giant stupid stacks of amps and shit and hope we didn't have a wreck. They did smell like feet, but also like cigarettes, cheap beer, and skunky pot. For our wedding, we drove off in that thing, but not until the guys had helpfully scrawled obscenities on it in shoe polish and stuck condoms everywhere. Classy.

By: Dr. Zira

Dr. Zira — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:28:02 -0800

I can't imagine getting very far driving that. Especially not in Oklahoma City. Must be why it is always parked. I am reminded of apocryphal stories of people who responded to the "DRUG TEST? CALL VIOLET" ad in the back of the Oklahoma Gazette. Apparently, Violet would have the client meet her at an appointed time in an empty parking OKC parking lot to do the business. Actually knowing what Violet looked like was unnecessary, because apparently she traveled in a purple van. I wish someone had a picture of that purple van, although I suspect it could never compete with the fantastic purple van in my imagination.

By: Dr. Zira

Dr. Zira — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:30:09 -0800

Suspicious fans.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:31:04 -0800

Suspicious Stan.

By: IndigoRain

IndigoRain — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:32:20 -0800

pjern: "I suppose I qualify, then. This is my ride." Despite pjern driving a free candy van, he has never given me any free candy. Or tried to kidnap me, which is, ya know, a good thing.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:39:31 -0800

Dominique Wilkins' brother tried to sell me meat out of a van on a crappy little side street outside of Carrollton, GA. I swear to God, here. I didn't know this was a thing.

By: DU

DU — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:46:41 -0800

I'm still perplexed on why we teach children it's okay to run up to total strangers offering sweets out of vans at some times but not others. "We" don't.

By: Dr. Zira

Dr. Zira — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:08:51 -0800

I find ice cream vans inherently creepy. I am quite certain there is an episode of Emergency! to blame for this.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:10:24 -0800

Suspicious cans

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:37:02 -0800

There is a guy who drives around Northeast Minneapolis in an ice cream truck, blasting death metal and yelling at passerby. I do not think he sells ice cream. The truck is named Hell General. I can't find any pictures or video, but the guy has a website. He hates kids.

By: dejah420

dejah420 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:49:20 -0800

One day, driving about, we spotted this van making for the highway... those meddlesome kids are everywhere!

By: trunk muffins

trunk muffins — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:54:12 -0800

So much kvetching about the novel interface. And here I was just happy that this wasn't another tumblr blog. For a moment, it was as if I'd gone back in time to 2005.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 21:14:03 -0800

So much kvetching about the novel interface. And here I was just happy that this wasn't another tumblr blog. For a moment, it was as if I'd gone back in time to 2005. posted by trunk muffins at 10:54 PM on July 19 [+] [!] When you are posting in a thread about sketchy-ass-looking vans, and your name is "trunk muffins," it is impossible not to read your comments in a Senor Cardgage voice.

By: wowbobwow

wowbobwow — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 21:26:31 -0800

I'm in my 30s and I still run after the ice cream man. They sell ice cream, too? i like the song. makes me feel... funny.

By: stinkycheese

stinkycheese — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 22:23:03 -0800

APATHETIC SOCIETY INSANE.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 22:55:32 -0800

I am reminded of apocryphal stories of people who responded to the "DRUG TEST? CALL VIOLET" ad in the back of the Oklahoma Gazette. Apparently, Violet would have the client meet her at an appointed time in an empty parking OKC parking lot to do the business. Actually knowing what Violet looked like was unnecessary, because apparently she traveled in a purple van. I wish someone had a picture of that purple van, although I suspect it could never compete with the fantastic purple van in my imagination. In high school in Oklahoma, a guy I knew went missing for a few days. I knew his little sister better than I knew him, but he was one of the druggiest kids I ever met. Nobody was tlaking much while he was missing, but rumors were that he was showing up for a minute from place to place, in such a state that he hardly knew who he was. When he was found, his dad forced him to take a drug test on the spot, which came back completely clean. The joke about this was that this kid wouldn't have given a clean drug test on his most lucid day. We were almost certainly in the wrong part of the state for Miss Violet, but I'd like to think she helped him out there.

By: bdave

bdave — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 23:16:55 -0800

perhapses: "Horselover Phattie, that happened to me twice at different locations and months/years apart back in the early 1990s. Was that some kind of nation-wide scam? Both times it was two dudes in a plain white van and both times they were very persistent. I was walking down the sidewalk each time and they stayed in van while cruising next to me. Was I going to carry speakers all the way home?" WTF. This happened to me in the late 90s. In Melbourne, Australia. Two dudes. White van. Worldwide scam? I haggled. I bought the speakers. Sold them for twice what I paid.

By: bdave

bdave — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 23:34:56 -0800

Wikipedia entry on the white van scam. Man.

By: Twang

Twang — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:03:54 -0800

We can't go on together With suspicious vans (Suspicious vans) Sure we can. We drove my suspicious van to California. I ran out of money after the primer coat. And we can't build our dreams In suspicious vans That's true. We were stopped at the border, told there are no jobs in California, and told to go back to Oklahoma. Or did I dream all that? Anyway: look what happened to them. As Lydon said: Ah-ha-ha.

By: salvia

salvia — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 01:10:24 -0800

I liked the interface.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 01:14:55 -0800

Mary, there is no hope for us If this GM van don't make it across the state line We might as well lay down and die I remember the DC sniper, and someone stealing a white van in GTA and driving around....

By: sperose

sperose — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 06:23:33 -0800

My family calls these stalker vans. (Although our description is a white van with no windows, sliding door, and just a few rusted spots.) I've crawled through the passenger side of my car instead of going in through the driver's side to avoid these kind of vans before.

By: dejah420

dejah420 — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 10:43:04 -0800

sperose: "I've crawled through the passenger side of my car" I totally get that. Especially if the sliding door of the van is next to the driver's side of the car. I didn't use to worry about it, but after getting mugged by someone parked next to my car in a grocery store parking lot, now I just won't go to my car alone at night.

By: carlh

carlh — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 17:54:31 -0800

Seriously one of the worst website interfaces I have ever seen.

By: deborah

deborah — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 18:33:42 -0800

It's much easier to see stuff if you go through the archives.