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July 25, 2011 9:38 PM   Subscribe

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present, the long-awaited Periödic Table of Heavy Meẗals.

mouseover for better view, no obligation to buy
posted by Minus215Cee (47 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite

 
Pepsï Blüe?
posted by phunniemee at 9:42 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Adding Enter Sandman, live in Russia, 1991 into the mix.
posted by nickyskye at 9:51 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Nice to see they included Spinal Tap, in the same sub-category with Def Leppard and Iron Maiden.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:03 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


It's a one-way ticket to midnight.
posted by bwg at 10:04 PM on July 25, 2011


There are a ton of bands under "funk metals", "gothic metals", and "industrial metals" (Marilyn Manson?!), along with five "unblack metal" bands, but all of six entries under "death metal"?

...this is a joke, right?
posted by vorfeed at 10:08 PM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Marilyn Manson is pretty obviously industrial metal (although a lot of rivetheads would prefer it otherwise). How else would you categorise it?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:31 PM on July 25, 2011


How else would you categorise it?

Sheeit sammich!
posted by jimmythefish at 10:35 PM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


I don't get how they laid it out. Seems like they just made categories and then just tossed them up randomly onto a grid?

Has anyone made a mock periodic table where the rows and columns have meaning, like on the real periodic table? Every time someone makes something like this, my nerdly hopes are dashed.
posted by Hither at 10:54 PM on July 25, 2011 [11 favorites]


They went through the trouble of having a Rap Metal category and didn't include Body Count? Fail.
posted by Eumachia L F at 11:08 PM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


No Clutch? Will not buy.
posted by snwod at 11:13 PM on July 25, 2011


They could have made a heavy metal periodic chart that looks like the skull prop from Spinal Tap. And made it from metal. What a wasted opportunity.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:17 PM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


I was not overly impressed with this particular chart, but their Rap Names Taxonomy is one of my all-time faves.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 11:37 PM on July 25, 2011


I liked that Black Sabbath was "Oz". Layout does seem random.
posted by arcticseal at 11:40 PM on July 25, 2011


They went through the trouble of having a Rap Metal category and didn't include Body Count? Fail.

Ice-T doesn't rap in any Body Count song. They were a metal band.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:43 PM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


I don't get how they laid it out. Seems like they just made categories and then just tossed them up randomly onto a grid?

I think they laid it out like teh Satan Hand:

\,,/,


Not defending that choice.


I'm mystified about the umlaut over the "T," myself. I mean, I'm all aböut gratüitous umlauts, but that's jüst silly.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:54 PM on July 25, 2011


I don't get how they laid it out. Seems like they just made categories and then just tossed them up randomly onto a grid?

Pretty much. "Iron Maiden" and "Def Leppard" have in common that... uh... they're English?
posted by rodgerd at 12:23 AM on July 26, 2011


The map was way better.
Uh, linky.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:37 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm amused that Stryper's acronym is 'Ha'.
posted by freya_lamb at 1:16 AM on July 26, 2011


The umlaut is a send up of Northern Europe where metal still dominates the music scene to a great degree.
posted by infini at 1:53 AM on July 26, 2011






I'll come back when this thread turns into a debate about metal subgenres.
posted by Hickeystudio at 4:33 AM on July 26, 2011


i can't find at the gates on there. c'mon guys, you're not even trying!
posted by fuzzypantalones at 4:59 AM on July 26, 2011


The umlaut is a send up of Northern Europe where metal still dominates the music scene to a great degree.

Motörhead is the earliest umlaut band I can remember and they're British. As for Def Leppard & Maiden being grouped together, they were sonicall not all that much alike but were both considered members of a loose agglomeration called The New wave Of British Heavy Metal aka NWOBHM.
posted by jonmc at 5:00 AM on July 26, 2011


Has anyone made a mock periodic table where the rows and columns have meaning, like on the real periodic table?

I've actually given my students this as an assignment. I think my very favorite had musical groups arranged by genre and level of fame, but was also rigged so that the columns went in order from least hair to largest hair volume.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 5:04 AM on July 26, 2011 [7 favorites]


An interesting discussion on the evolution of the Wikipedia "Heavy Metal Umlaut" page. It's about 9 minutes long, but well worth watching all the way through.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:24 AM on July 26, 2011


I wouldn't pay $20 for it, but i would pay $6.66.
posted by Dr-Baa at 6:02 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


No Jethro Tull? The winner of the 1989 Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Grammy over Metallica won that award for the album Crest of a Knave, beating Metallica, who were expected to win with the album ...And Justice for All.

I think they should be in there with the symbol Fl and the atomic weight of 67
posted by Gungho at 6:06 AM on July 26, 2011


The map is not the territory.
posted by wittgenstein at 6:07 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


That's not a period table, this is a Periodic Table.
posted by Apoch at 6:34 AM on July 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


I can't find Queen.
posted by rahnefan at 6:43 AM on July 26, 2011


King's K? I think I found a typö.
posted by ChuqD at 6:45 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh, man, Bongzilla really need to rename themselves. Mainly because they're good (except for the vocals) and I have a hard time trying to get people to listen to a band named fucking Bongzilla.
posted by griphus at 7:05 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]




Ice-T doesn't rap in any Body Count song. They were a metal band.

He definitely raps in the song KKK B***h.
posted by deadmessenger at 7:19 AM on July 26, 2011


Massive thumbs down for including Lucy Brown but not Sleep or High on Fire.
posted by Liquidwolf at 7:21 AM on July 26, 2011


The consternation does not arise because there is an umlaut. Everyone bows before the umlaut and its power. The consternation arises because it is over the fucking t. wtf
posted by adamdschneider at 8:30 AM on July 26, 2011


Now they need to do an evolutionary tree connecting all the subspecies of electronica.
posted by binturong at 8:47 AM on July 26, 2011


High on Fire.

High on Fire is there.
posted by kenko at 9:23 AM on July 26, 2011


Now they need to do an evolutionary tree connecting all the subspecies of electronica.

Ishtar's Guide is an attempt at that. Of course, electronica is subject to genre fragmentation like nothing else in this world, so the guide's accuracy is left as an exercise to the lost soul who actually tries to use it as a reference.
posted by griphus at 10:50 AM on July 26, 2011


("Ishtar's"? Ishkur. Ishkur's Guide.)
posted by griphus at 10:56 AM on July 26, 2011


I've come to the conclusion that genres are entirely subjective. Think of how completely different the array of classic punk bands sound-- they really have nothing in common sonically. The same goes when you closely examine hardcore, thrash, and black metal; recently, in death metal, there's been an ongoing stab-fit at objective consensus for categorizing sound, with the hair-splitting genre divides that the kids are so carefully cutting these days.

deathgrind, deathcore, blackened death metal, melodic deathmetal, gore metal, goregrind, grindcore, metalcore (which, to my ears is "modern death metal" often enough that it's worth mentioning).

I think this is really interesting, but please get off my lawn nonetheless.
posted by herbplarfegan at 11:04 AM on July 26, 2011


This is less a periodic table than an extremely disorganized diagram of a family tree which happens to focus prominently on embarassing relatives.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 11:34 AM on July 26, 2011 [2 favorites]


He definitely raps in the song KKK B***h.

If talking while instruments play in the background is rapping, then Alice's Restaurant is a rap song.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:53 PM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Needs more Anaal Nathrakh!

Or are they in there somewhere? I can't find a damned thing with that interface.
posted by battleshipkropotkin at 2:53 PM on July 26, 2011


If talking while instruments play in the background is rapping, then Alice's Restaurant is a rap song.

"Spill the Wine," too. I guess you could make an argument that both "Alice.." and "..Wine" were 60's variations on talking blues from the 30's, but it's unneccessary and ZI like all the songs anyway.
posted by jonmc at 4:46 PM on July 26, 2011


were 60's variations on talking blues from the 30's and thus a weird kind of proto-rap is what I meant. Oh, the hell with it. Crank some tunes from this table and shut the fuck up and rock out.
posted by jonmc at 4:48 PM on July 26, 2011


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