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#FF @frendfromhs just meeee hahahahaha
August 5, 2011 12:27 PM   Subscribe

You know that one Friend From High School? She just found you on twitter.
posted by Potomac Avenue (155 comments total) 42 users marked this as a favorite

 
Little does she know I went to an all-boys high school.

Um, wait...
posted by tommasz at 12:30 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Hell, they ALL found me on Facebook.
posted by desjardins at 12:30 PM on August 5, 2011 [7 favorites]


I didn't have any friends in high school. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!?!
posted by blue_beetle at 12:32 PM on August 5, 2011 [91 favorites]


Little does she know that my home town is like 20,000 people away from getting a Pizzeria Uno.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:32 PM on August 5, 2011 [5 favorites]


... and that's why I finally had to shut down Facebook!
posted by infini at 12:32 PM on August 5, 2011 [3 favorites]


This chills me to the bone. And reminds me of why I'm not going to my high school reunion.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 12:34 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


There's something about the mix of prenatal drinking and chain restaurants here that hits the pitch perfect satirical bent. Brilliant.
posted by Apropos of Something at 12:35 PM on August 5, 2011 [18 favorites]


omg if u think about it skeletons live inside ALL OF US

Whoa.
posted by brundlefly at 12:35 PM on August 5, 2011 [59 favorites]


I'm not saying it's sad when people never move out of their podunk hometown, but isn't it really?
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:36 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


UGGGGGH just realized my vajazzle is gonna b runed when i give birth to these twins. #fml

This is fucking beautiful.
posted by griphus at 12:36 PM on August 5, 2011 [15 favorites]


ON MY WAY 2 NYC!!! greggy made resevationz @ BUBBA GUP!!!!!! #yummers

omg i just totaled my jettaaaa! im fine but IM CRYIN cuz i lost those flowrs that were on my rearvieeeew #FML

i just herd tha BEST NEWS!!! they r putting a HOLLISTER IN THA OLD TWEETER BUILDING!!!!!! this town iz BLOWIN UPPP


My God, it really is that girl from my high school...
posted by rollbiz at 12:36 PM on August 5, 2011


thank you for saving my Friday
posted by photoslob at 12:36 PM on August 5, 2011


NEVA 3GET
posted by AwkwardPause at 12:36 PM on August 5, 2011 [41 favorites]


Yep, this is what my Facebook feed looks like.
posted by Gordafarin at 12:40 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Scary. The cropped photo is a nice touch.
posted by bondcliff at 12:41 PM on August 5, 2011


Needs more ranting about "Obamacare" to be the folks from my high school
posted by Alison at 12:41 PM on August 5, 2011 [21 favorites]


Here's what's really pathetic: those girls from my high school are now 50 year old women and are still more or less just like that.
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:41 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


I enjoyed that far more than I expected to. Good find.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:41 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Yep, this is what my Facebook feed looks like.

This is what a portion of my facebook feed looks like. To complete the picture of internet knowing people I knew in high school, they need to add another account for the guy that became a preacher and uses the internet to keep everyone abreast of what he's praising God for, on a minute by minute basis.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:42 PM on August 5, 2011 [31 favorites]


That is why I moved to G+, ahhh blissful peace and quiet.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:43 PM on August 5, 2011 [23 favorites]


#ff @god @jesus @emwatson

too funny.
posted by morganannie at 12:43 PM on August 5, 2011


...the guy that became a preacher and uses the internet to keep everyone abreast of what he's praising God for, on a minute by minute basis.

I will take ten of these over one constant FML-er.
posted by griphus at 12:43 PM on August 5, 2011 [6 favorites]


OMG I was actually getting work done today.
posted by sweetkid at 12:44 PM on August 5, 2011


WHAT THE FUCK IS A ROMPER?!?!
posted by feckless at 12:45 PM on August 5, 2011


No one finds me on Twitter. That's like saying you found the Higgs Boson at your corner store. We exist at different energy states.
posted by Eideteker at 12:45 PM on August 5, 2011 [16 favorites]


The only way to improve my high school and hometown is a small tactical nuke. What a shithole.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:46 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


if there is no god, HOW R THERE CONSTALLATIONS!?!?!

A question for the ages.
posted by bonehead at 12:47 PM on August 5, 2011


ughhh just saw my ex greggy with sum DUM BLOND SLUT!!!! died my hair blond rite after but just cuz i felt like it.

genius
posted by archivist at 12:50 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


This chills me to the bone. And reminds me of why I'm not going to my high school reunion.

I nearly went to my 20th, and there was a lot of "friending" by organizers on Facebook in what was a blatant attempt to make sure there was enough people attending to make the night break even.

But I didn't go. After looking at the Facebook photos, I'm glad I didn't. It was the same shallow in-crowd from high school attending, a little fatter, a little balder, some slimey, some hotter-looking.

However, at the end of the night apparently two women fought over some guy. There was an actual physical altercation at the Mount Doug 1989 grad reunion.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:50 PM on August 5, 2011 [14 favorites]


This is so spot-on it's barely satire.
posted by naju at 12:51 PM on August 5, 2011 [9 favorites]


I have made myself purposefully hard but not impossible to find on social networking sites. I'm not hiding but I also don't list my schools anywhere.

I am in contact with a few people from high school and I love them. On Facebook, I'll let just about anyone I've met & remember add me, but I will likely hide their feeds (and I don't care if they've done the same to me although I'm sure all my posts about comic books are really interesting to them).

So fortunately, I don't encounter this too much in real life. But it's so close to not being parody isn't almost not funny. Or maybe it's more funny.

(The one thing that I enjoy about getting older is that it takes me farther and farther away from high school.)
posted by darksong at 12:52 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


If this trends on twitter, the world is officially not self aware.

Officially, I tell you.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:52 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


I feel like I've spent half my life passing this person on the right on I-95 while I hold a middle finger out the window or making a point to avoid seeing her when I'm at my folks' house.

This is so spot-on it's barely satire.

Agreed.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 12:53 PM on August 5, 2011


That is why I moved to G+, ahhh blissful peace and quiet.

Just you wait 6-12 months when they all discover this "new" Google Plus thing. The good news is you can banish them all to a circle you never read or share anything with.
posted by naju at 12:53 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


I really didn't expect to like that as much as I did.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:53 PM on August 5, 2011


I went to high school in Utah. So, for me, this is eerily spot on except for the bit where she drinks and isn't already a parent of pre-teens.
posted by gurple at 12:54 PM on August 5, 2011


Just you wait 6-12 months when they all discover this "new" Google Plus thing

Yeah, one of the younger guys (23) at the bar I hang out at was trying to impress some girls by telling them g+ was the hot new thing and he could get them an invite.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:55 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Yeah, I went to an all-boys high school, and most all of my classmates at said pretentious school went on to become lawyers or investment bankers. I find their twitter banter far more annoying than I find this...
posted by killdevil at 12:56 PM on August 5, 2011


Ugh, this thread has ruined my day actually.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:56 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


This right here is why Twitter needs a "block and report for spam WITH FIRE" button.
posted by nonliteral at 12:58 PM on August 5, 2011


so spot on, it's scary. There are people I know who won't even go to Bubba Gup. "The city" is a scary nebulous thing - but they're still drinking at the same bars they used to go to because they didn't card.
Skipped my 10 yr. and went to Vegas. I think I came out ahead.
posted by TravellingCari at 12:58 PM on August 5, 2011


Runed?

"When we made love
The Middle Earth Moved,
I'm your Elrond, you're my ring,
Cause I'm gonna leave you runed"

- MC Bilbo and the Second Breakfast Crew
posted by zippy at 1:01 PM on August 5, 2011 [10 favorites]


Also, thanks to facebook for showing me friends' wall posts to things/people I'm not friended to. Now I know where everyone grew up/went to high school. No way to block them without hiding all of the friend's posts. Thanks. YOU KNOW YOUR FROM FACEBOOK WHENNN........LOL
posted by Eideteker at 1:02 PM on August 5, 2011


You know, now that I've had some fun with this, at the expense of where I went to high school, I'm going to be a bit more reflective. There is something very modern, and very bizarre, about the idea that not leaving the town you've grown up in weird or wrong. This was the model for the vast majority of people throughout history, and they led good, fulfilling lives in those communities.

I moved to a big city from the smallish town where I grew up and I won't say I regret the decision, but it makes me kind of sad that the town where I went to high school isn't going to get any better because everyone who can leave does so, and in a place where moving to Raleigh, NC counts as moving to the "big city" that's a pretty low bar to set. In America at least, I think part of the impetus for this stems from that fact that we've created communities that are highly dysfunctional places to live, where the social life (such as it is) centers around Applebee's and there's not much reason to stay, but if the people who realized that DID stay, those places would almost certainly be the better for it.

A functional community where the people who live there have roots would seem ideal, but we haven't created places that encourage people to build roots, which is a shame.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:02 PM on August 5, 2011 [73 favorites]


On Facebook, I'll let just about anyone I've met & remember add me, but I will likely hide their feeds

This is the only thing that allows me to (barely) tolerate a FB account.
posted by aught at 1:04 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


There is something very modern, and very bizarre, about the idea that not leaving the town you've grown up in weird or wrong.

This amazing comment (about porches, of all things) has some insight as to why this is happening.
posted by griphus at 1:09 PM on August 5, 2011 [8 favorites]


i cant stop singing.... SIIIIINCE U BEEEEN GOOOONE!!!!!!! hahahahah i love madona!!!

I literally laughed out loud.

sent my ex BFs dick pic to his parentS HAHAHAHA I HOPE HE KILLS HIMSELF
posted by nooneyouknow at 1:10 PM on August 5, 2011


DAKOTA FANNING LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING SLUT

made me lol so fucking hard and I cant quite place why.
I think its just like a bomb out of nowhere in that Twitter feed.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:10 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


I pretty much just use Facebook to direct message/im people I don't feel like finding and saving an email for. It's essentially an addressbook for me.

Google Plus' more intuitive feed filtering makes it easier for me to like using feeds again. I could mute everyone I don't like on facebook, but I think people on Google Plus, at least at the moment, feel like it's their duty to mainly post things that are actually interesting. I have yet to have anyone do the dreaded "OMG WORST DAY EVER FML" followed by "Nobody ask, I don't want to talk about it."
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:10 PM on August 5, 2011


There are plenty of people who didn't leave my small town who are doing their best to keep it there, despite time, the economy, and the modern world seemingly trying to shut it down. And I'm still following some of them over Facebook. Because they don't make stupid/racist/homophobic comments.

That's not what this Twitter feed is about. There are enough of the other kind that it's funny.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:11 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


No one finds me on Twitter.

A local news personality started following me on Twitter recently and I've never ever sent a single tweet. In fact, I think she's the only follower I have.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:11 PM on August 5, 2011


I'm from a big city and still live here and yet in a different part. It's not the place, it's the inability to move on from the mindset that is pathetic.

Remind me to make a GUYWHOSTILLLIVESINCOLLEGETOWN account when I have time.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:11 PM on August 5, 2011 [7 favorites]


"There is something very modern, and very bizarre, about the idea that not leaving the town you've grown up in weird or wrong."

Several of my friends from high school stayed in our hometown -- the schools are good, it's a pleasant place to raise a family, I don't know how they afford houses there -- and I don't find that odd at all.

What I *do* find deeply odd is the people from my hometown, who live in my hometown, who are apparently still living their high school lives. Or trying to. Like it's still super-fun to try to sneak into the one bar downtown (you're 33 -- you have an ID) and hit on the skeezy bartender. Like going to the mall on Fridays is still the height of cool. Like your kid's popularity is a measure of yours. THAT's what boggles me a bit, and I think this catches that strangeness pretty well.

The ones who are like, "Trying that new restaurant" or "Dropped by mom's to help with the yardwork -- remember that time I pretended I had detention to get OUT of yardwork? Mom is recovering well from her stroke, btw, and hopes to be back with her famous flowers by April." or "Kid's pediatrician is in that building that used to be the TV repair place ..." That's totally normal, even with callbacks to its prior life. They're doing adult things and living adult lives, in a place where they were also children and teenagers and have many memories. It's the ones still living teenaged lives as adults who boggle my mind.

(Also, I'm moderately boggled by people who NEVER LEAVE THEIR HOMETOWN AT ALL, not to travel, not for college, not for a couple years of work ... I've met quite a few in my new town, who lived here all their lives, went to college here, vacation in the same spot two hours away every year, and have just no curiosity about life beyond the county. I honestly think it contributes to some of our particular local political malaise, because there are people who honestly have no idea that this is NOT the way things HAVE to be done or that there's anywhere in the state, country, or world that does it differently.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 1:12 PM on August 5, 2011 [23 favorites]


HI I AM A STEREOTYPE
posted by LogicalDash at 1:14 PM on August 5, 2011


Conundrum: who is more annoying...Girl in the OP or PeanutFreeMom?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:16 PM on August 5, 2011 [14 favorites]


wow.

needs more complaining about non-white Christians.
posted by k8t at 1:16 PM on August 5, 2011


I've been following this account for a while, and I think it's incredible. The author manages to hit the satire perfectly, but it's also a complete and consistent fictional world which is rare for these types of joke accounts. If you follow it for a while, you see recurring characters and an overall story being told. By far my favorite joke account on Twitter.
posted by kcalder at 1:17 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


So am I like the only person without G+ now?

Maybe this is for the best.
posted by BeerFilter at 1:18 PM on August 5, 2011


Needs more Jesus.
posted by small_ruminant at 1:18 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


Conundrum: who is more annoying...Girl in the OP or PeanutFreeMom?


OK, I'm absolutely serious...is PeanutFreeMom a satire thing, too? I can't tell. I think yes? But I know women like this. I just hid one from my Facebook feed this morning.
posted by not that girl at 1:21 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Huh. I read a few more. As I mentioned above, I did high school in Utah.

Somehow this does resonate, but it strikes me that most people's "high school friends who never left town" are probably superficially a lot more like this caricature than mine are.

This caricature has few responsibilities and a lot of fun (albeit stupid fun) and drama. My HS friends all have older kids, the only kind of fun they ever talk about is family stuff, and there's never even a whiff of drama (that's admitted to).

And, yet, it still resonates a bit. I guess it's the air of "I've been living this same lifestyle for a long time now, since I was a teen, and I'm still comfortable with it".
posted by gurple at 1:22 PM on August 5, 2011


PeanutFreeMom is so subtle that its brilliant satire whether its intentional or not.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:22 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


KokuRyu: "There was an actual physical altercation at the Mount Doug 1989 grad reunion."

This feels like the plot to a movie I would run out to see. It can open with that sentence.
posted by Apropos of Something at 1:22 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


I didn't grow up with these people so I'm probably not allowed to laugh
posted by grobstein at 1:23 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Is PeanutFreeMom for real?
posted by Think_Long at 1:23 PM on August 5, 2011


I LOL'd.

There's an art to faking that level of stupid, and I am impressed. I couldn't consistently and imaginatively misspell as much as this fake person does.

I made it a point not to put in my high school on Facebook, and even so, started seeing people from my high school as "suggested friends" because I'm friends with my sisters, and they went to the same school, and they're friends with former classmates. Ugh. Fortunately dodged that bullet.

I hate to say that the thing making G+ a better SNS right now is the lack of an API. I know there are some hacked-up Chrome extensions, but there's no auto-following, there's no finding people based on keywords, none of that crap. I think the lack of an API is holding the service back in some ways, but it also feels more genuine.
posted by adamrice at 1:24 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


OK, I'm absolutely serious...is PeanutFreeMom a satire thing, too? I can't tell. I think yes? But I know women like this. I just hid one from my Facebook feed this morning.

Oh my god this is a vital question! Does anyone know?
posted by grobstein at 1:24 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


I wonder if this is what Chris Onstadt is doing now that Achewood's on indefinite hiatus.
posted by entropone at 1:25 PM on August 5, 2011 [8 favorites]


PeanutFreeMom is definitely a (very funny, spot on) joke account.
posted by moxiedoll at 1:25 PM on August 5, 2011


I seem to recognize, Your tweets...

Haunting familiar yet, I can't seem to delete
posted by mannequito at 1:26 PM on August 5, 2011 [3 favorites]


i fucking LUV a man in cargo shortz and flip flops.... SO SEXXXXXXY

SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE.

Nobody thinks this.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:26 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


"High School"? Would this be an American thing? We have the Sixth Form in civilised countries.
posted by Decani at 1:26 PM on August 5, 2011


i fucking LUV a man in cargo shortz and flip flops.... SO SEXXXXXXY

SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE.

Nobody thinks this.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:26 PM on August 5 [+] [!]


Every guy in cargo shortsz and flip-flops thinks this.
posted by FatherDagon at 1:28 PM on August 5, 2011 [19 favorites]


Your Aunt Diane.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 1:28 PM on August 5, 2011 [16 favorites]


A RIPPING GOOD YARN, OLD CHAP.
posted by elizardbits at 1:28 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Actually, I take that back. We used to have the Sixth Form. These days I have no idea what we have. Probably something like the "We're Going To Get Better A-Level Grades Than Last Year And It Obviously Can't Be Down To Easier Exams" form.

God, I love being a bitter old fuck.
posted by Decani at 1:29 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Nobody thinks this.


Every time I see a hot girl out in the evening, its with a tool dressed just like this.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:30 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


PeanutFreeMom is definitely a (very funny, spot on) joke account.

She is so spot on that I now suspect several woman I've actually met in real life of playing a very deep game... Some time I'm going to answer one of my FB friends' overly-earnest parenting posts by saying, "OMG, I just got it! I can't believe I thought you were serious all this time! Have you seen PeanutFreeMom? You're as good as her! HI-larious! Thanks for the lulz!"
posted by not that girl at 1:30 PM on August 5, 2011 [16 favorites]


Not MY hometown, where alcohol is A SIN. But damn, she totally does look like girls I went to school with...
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 1:31 PM on August 5, 2011


dont stop believing is my JAAAM!!! #iluvACDC


oh, man. This had me CRACKING UP. I will definitely share this with my friends.

And yeah, so close to real life, at times it's hard to tell it's satire. But to me, very funny stuff.
posted by KillaSeal at 1:32 PM on August 5, 2011


Your Aunt Diane: Stung by a honey bee and now I'm lying here, cradling him as he dies. This has been one of the most powerful, important moments of my life.

This woman is also a Facebook friend of mine.
posted by not that girl at 1:33 PM on August 5, 2011 [12 favorites]


Oh my GOD Your Aunt Diane is the best of these three. Comedy GOOOLD!

Holy shit "Each day I get an emotional and physical workout by simulating labor and birthing an imaginary baby with special needs I love all the more" ha ha ha
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:35 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is about as real as Newt Gingrich's 1 million of so followers. But it is fun to read.
posted by Rashomon at 1:35 PM on August 5, 2011


My aunt Diane is awesome, thankyouverymuch.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:36 PM on August 5, 2011


"Haven't shaved my legs in eleven months and the hair's almost long enough for friendship bracelets! I'll have some at the kiosk Monday. RT!" —@YAD
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:38 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Swallowed a miniature windchime and now theres beautiful tinkling whenever I breathe. It did damage my esophagus but music heals all wounds!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
posted by griphus at 1:40 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Also, I'm moderately boggled by people who NEVER LEAVE THEIR HOMETOWN AT ALL, not to travel, not for college, not for a couple years of work ... I've met quite a few in my new town, who lived here all their lives, went to college here, vacation in the same spot two hours away every year, and have just no curiosity about life beyond the county

I met a lot of people like this teaching English in Japan. I had adult students who had never visited Tokyo. Which was less than an hour away by train. Not the fancy bullet train, either. The regular train.
posted by Hoopo at 1:44 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Shit. I'm reading that peanutfreemom feed and it's becoming increasingly obvious that she (or at least the character) lives in my town. And my son has a nut allergy.

I think when I get home my wife and I need to have a talk.
posted by bondcliff at 1:46 PM on August 5, 2011 [3 favorites]


I love algorithms

More like PeanutFreeMom

Patton Oswalt
Follow


Soon-Yi Previn
Follow


view all

posted by infini at 1:55 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Peanut Free Mom better the hell be fictional because it's not healthy for me to hate someone that much.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:55 PM on August 5, 2011 [6 favorites]


PeanutFreeMom
Stop re-tweeting everything I say. It's not funny.
12 Jul

posted by Babblesort at 1:56 PM on August 5, 2011


Your Aunt Diane is my kid sister. I wonder if her son has allergies?
posted by infini at 1:57 PM on August 5, 2011


This is all elaborate performance art, right?

right? guys?
posted by jquinby at 1:59 PM on August 5, 2011


Yeah, one of the younger guys (23) at the bar I hang out at was trying to impress some girls by telling them g+ was the hot new thing and he could get them an invite.


You... maybe need a new watering hole.
posted by nickmark at 2:01 PM on August 5, 2011


jack jonson is so purfect when ur driveing drunk #LML
posted by dirtdirt at 2:01 PM on August 5, 2011


the first song i made luv 2 was closing time by matchboxx 20

I can't figure out why but this one is killing me.
posted by Big_B at 2:02 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


comedy is SO funny
The best. But I also like the one about salmon being the best part of the cow.
posted by rongorongo at 2:03 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Peanut Free Mom is some dude. There was an LA Times article, I think.
posted by peep at 2:06 PM on August 5, 2011


I didn't see a single "I'm so boreeeeeeeeeeed." Mustn't be any of my friends from high school.
posted by arcticwoman at 2:09 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


I nearly went to my 20th, and there was a lot of "friending" by organizers on Facebook in what was a blatant attempt to make sure there was enough people attending to make the night break even.

I went to two different high schools, and *neither* of them could generate enough interest from our class for a 20th reunion. Yay Gen X apathy. Or something. I certainly wasn't going to go to either of them.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 2:12 PM on August 5, 2011


You... maybe need a new watering hole.

He is really the odd man out, average age is about 50. Some guys can pull stuff like that off though, he is the kind of guy who tells people he is a nerd because he plays fantasy football online.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:14 PM on August 5, 2011


Wherever you go, there you are.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 2:15 PM on August 5, 2011


These are awesome.

Another favorite. (mefi's own, but I don't remember the username)
posted by odinsdream at 2:15 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Greg Nog, I believe.
posted by the young rope-rider at 2:17 PM on August 5, 2011


The Peanut Free Mom story. Thanks peep.
posted by grobstein at 2:20 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


I know some of you think this person is not real, but I have a friend who TALKED TO HER ON THE PHONE!
posted by perhapses at 2:26 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


i fucking LUV a man in cargo shortz and flip flops.... SO SEXXXXXXY

Lately I'm starting to see more and more instances of my preferred casual attire cruelly mocked. When did it become a signifier for oafishness? Is there a cultural backlash brewing over this fashion choice? Because if so, I'm brave enough to be on the wrong side of history on this one.

Or am I part of the problem? Am I... am I a dudebro in denial?
posted by kryptondog at 2:35 PM on August 5, 2011 [3 favorites]


Meh, cargo shorts and flip flops are comfortable and cheap, also whatever. Wear what you'd like.
posted by the young rope-rider at 2:40 PM on August 5, 2011


Meh, cargo shorts and flip flops are comfortable and cheap

But never sexy.
posted by small_ruminant at 2:49 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


you know how a lot of dudes think female slobs are hot?
posted by LogicalDash at 2:58 PM on August 5, 2011


However, at the end of the night apparently two women fought over some guy. There was an actual physical altercation at the Mount Doug 1989 grad reunion.

Actually just remembering more second-hand accounts of the Mount Doug reunion... Apparently earlier in the evening two "girls" were encouraged to make out.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:58 PM on August 5, 2011


Lately I'm starting to see more and more instances of my preferred casual attire cruelly mocked. When did it become a signifier for oafishness? Is there a cultural backlash brewing over this fashion choice? Because if so, I'm brave enough to be on the wrong side of history on this one.

They're still better than jorts, right? RIGHT?!?!
posted by entropicamericana at 3:07 PM on August 5, 2011


"champane 4 my real frends n real pane 4 my sham frends ~jimmy hendricks
posted by zippy at 3:15 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


I am friends with my three teenage nieces and my two teenage (new!) step-children on Facebook. And this is exactly what their feeds are like.

So. Yeah.
posted by rhapsodie at 3:19 PM on August 5, 2011


hm. I always thought she dropped out sophmore year.
posted by sexyrobot at 3:39 PM on August 5, 2011


"High School"? Would this be an American thing? We have the Sixth Form in civilised countries.

High school in the US is basically secondary school, with an inertial Form 6 and without Forms 1 and 2. The latter are considered "middle school" or "junior high school" in most areas, which is a bridge between years 1-6, called variously "elementary school", "grade school", or, amusingly, "grammar school" (not at all like UK grammar school), and high school. High school traditionally encompasses ages 14-18, although attendance is only compulsory through 16 in most states. Unlike the UK, a student will go through our version of Form 6 unless they choose not to and do not have to qualify for entrance, nor are there any A-level-type exams around which the final two years are focused. There are college entrance exams, but they're not required for graduation. Teens who leave high school before graduating at 18 are "dropouts" and this is frequently a social stigma.

There, more than you ever wanted to know about our very silly secondary education system.
posted by Errant at 3:44 PM on August 5, 2011


Another favorite. (mefi's own, but I don't remember the username)

I love Greg Nog's twurts:
RODE A HORSE 4 THE FIRST TIME, IT WAS KIND OF LIKE A GIANT DOG BUT WITH STONE PAWS. GOLEM PAWS?? WHY ARE HROSE PAWS SO HARD
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:51 PM on August 5, 2011


I nearly went to my 20th, and there was a lot of "friending" by organizers on Facebook in what was a blatant attempt to make sure there was enough people attending to make the night break even.

I was fortunate that my 20th was just before the Great Facebook Asplosion. However, most of my high school friends have turned into this woman, and the initial e-mail list plans to have us meet at a bar were shouted down by the moms who wanted to show off their kids ("my children are a VERY important PART of my LIFE!!!" as one said). So rather than meeting at 8:00 PM in a sensible saloon, we met at 2:00 PM in a Family Restaurant. And by god, not one of the special snowflake moms turned up. Not a kid in sight, just a bunch of aging Gen X-ers eating chicken fingers and french fries.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:53 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


The good news is you can banish them all to a circle you never read or share anything with.

Better yet, don't add them to a circle at all.
posted by asnider at 4:12 PM on August 5, 2011


WON A FRAMD PIC OF LARRY BIRD!!!

I laughed out loud on the train at this one. Hoping the image was printed on a mirror.
posted by Sreiny at 4:17 PM on August 5, 2011


Hey ATHEISTS/JEWS.... if there is no god, HOW R THERE CONSTALLATIONS!?!?!

Simply awesome. Walks that ever-so-fine line between satire and Kirk Cameron.
posted by jeremy b at 4:24 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


Lately I'm starting to see more and more instances of my preferred casual attire cruelly mocked. When did it become a signifier for oafishness?

It's not a signifier for oafishness, I think the humor in it is just that cargos and flip flops are kind of what every guy wears in the summer so to say it's "OMG sexxxxxxy" is kind of ridiculous. I mean probably 75% of guys you see in the summer are wearing cargos and flip flops... That's how I took it, anyway, but I've been known to wear cargoes and flip flops form time to time and I don't intent to stop because a comedian doesn't think I'm fashionable.
posted by Hoopo at 4:50 PM on August 5, 2011


I wonder if this chick knows the Girls Above Me?
posted by smirkette at 5:48 PM on August 5, 2011


haha that woman is poorly educated/got no class

its her fault though so i guess it is funny? haha
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 5:50 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


Haha, you're turning something funny into something people should feel bad about...haha.
posted by schyler523 at 7:25 PM on August 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Finally, a (more than) worthy successor to shitmydadsays.
posted by exogenous at 7:47 PM on August 5, 2011


Looks like this is this guy's creation.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:51 PM on August 5, 2011


This is.. .. no, I don't get it. Okay, it's not that I don't get what the person is trying to do as much as why they have 10,000 followers; why it's worth linking to here in the first place; and why there are 100+ comments on a post about this.. And, yes, I totally realize that I, too, am commenting on it. Though, I'm commenting on the people commenting on the twitterer more so than actually commenting on the twitterer. ...Oh, shut up!
posted by Mael Oui at 7:58 PM on August 5, 2011


I am not this person. I'm pretty sure I don't even know this person.

But somehow the fact that you're making fun of her still makes me angry. Just because you moved to the city and drink PBR ironically doesn't give you the right to make fun of her. Maybe she's happy. Are you?

yes I know she's fictional

fuck you hispters
posted by madcaptenor at 9:05 PM on August 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is why I don't want to "reconnect" with anybody.

Aunt Diane is actually hilarious though, and I say that as a Twitter-hater. Especially since I'm a hippie (but not THAT hippie) who had an aunt named Diane.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:26 PM on August 5, 2011


madcaptenor, if you don't know this person then trust me that you're not getting half of what makes this so funny/sad. This isn't someone we mock, or someone we hate. This is someone we haven't seen in forever, but who we were friends with at one point. This particular feed is fictional, but it is a pitch-perfect satire of a type of facebook post we dread seeing, not because the poster is some awful person, but because it's someone we liked at one point who never stopped being 17 and apparently will never care to. The person who doesnt know any music post Dave Matthews, for instance. Small details, but building to a whole of realizing that you no longer can connect on any level with this former "friend."
posted by Navelgazer at 9:50 PM on August 5, 2011 [6 favorites]


im afraid of dieing

This one made me lose it. Here is this mass of vapidness, of trashy chair restaurants, and high school drama, and then suddenly she lets drop this little truth, unfiltered, utterly clear.

And that to me was hilarious.
posted by gc at 9:52 PM on August 5, 2011 [4 favorites]


I'm glad to hear that this isn't as mean-spirited as it seems to me.
posted by madcaptenor at 9:57 PM on August 5, 2011


No, madcaptenor, you're right. It is mean spirited. And the author was clever enough to build in the constant drinking-while-pregnant because that makes it ok to hate the character because she's bad. It's ok to laugh and not "classist" or whatever because she's so bad.
posted by moxiedoll at 10:32 PM on August 5, 2011


PeanutFreeMom is absolute genius. All it needs are more two year olds wearing sunglasses at all times when they are outside, and a few more crying fits over allergy scares/the miracle of life.
posted by jokeefe at 10:40 PM on August 5, 2011


I think I will stop thinking about this and look at pictures of kittens instead.
posted by madcaptenor at 10:40 PM on August 5, 2011


friendfromhs, yourauntdiane, and PeanutFreeMom are all female characters (and we know that PeanutFreeMom is written by a man, so now I'm kind of wondering about the other two). I mean I was chuckling along, and then the other Irritating Women stereotypes started popping up, and then the reminder of deargirlsaboveme... and my mood kind of tumbled. #killjoy
posted by taz at 10:44 PM on August 5, 2011 [7 favorites]


Well, now I know the origin of the gag that @zombiefreemom is goofing on. Testament to the quality of the parody that it worked without knowing where exactly it came from.

Sample tweet: Brianna asked me today if Smurfs are undead because they have blue skin. Does anyone know the answer?
posted by gompa at 2:03 AM on August 6, 2011


Yeah, I'm with taz. You can tell they're (probably) all male-authored by the particular whiff of body-horror that they give off. Ew! Women have body hair? Gross! It strikes me that what these accounts are about mostly is male sexual anxiety. Particularly @friendfromhs.

This is a girl you once had a crush on. Admit it. You found her on the internet, not the other way round, and realized that, while you'd gone downhill physically in the intervening years, she hadn't. You, with your pot belly, your sagging love-handles, your receding hairline—you're someone she wouldn't even look at, even in a casual bar-pickup situation. So you sublimate the knowledge of this—your mortality; the certainty of ageing; the ineffable goneness of the recent past—by imagining that she is the worst person in the world. Makes you feel better. Right? Isn't that right?
posted by Sonny Jim at 4:49 AM on August 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


Protip: @YourAuntDiane is the best lay.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:07 AM on August 6, 2011


Although the rug burn can be troublesome.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:07 AM on August 6, 2011


Yeah, I'm with taz. You can tell they're (probably) all male-authored by the particular whiff of body-horror that they give off.

Could you explain which tweets in particular make you feel this way?
posted by Diablevert at 7:55 AM on August 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


Not to mention the dried Mexican corn.
posted by davey_darling at 7:57 AM on August 6, 2011


Sonny Jim, that's not my experience. The girls I know like @friendfromhs are actually much worse looking than they once were; they have the weird stretched-skin look of people who are living just a leetle too hard. I look the same as I did in high school, and am actually in better shape. The account is hilarious because the type exists abundantly in many peoples' experience.

(Nothing like getting hit on via Facebook message by a girl you considered hot in high school who now looks like the truck of life backed into the loading dock of her body.)
posted by sonic meat machine at 10:13 AM on August 6, 2011


Is there a FreePeanutMom? Because I like peanuts, and would like some free ones.

Oh look, there is!
posted by adamrice at 1:14 PM on August 6, 2011


oh man! adamrice, that's great.
posted by sweetkid at 1:20 PM on August 6, 2011


Go yankees and go red sox! those r my teams!!!!!!!

I hope she's real, just for this.
posted by evilcolonel at 1:51 PM on August 6, 2011 [4 favorites]


Oh look, there is!

Hm. Somehow I don't think this one is a joke.
posted by odinsdream at 3:11 PM on August 6, 2011


I wasn't sure but this 'If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life' made me think otherwise...
posted by sweetkid at 3:39 PM on August 6, 2011


Uncontrolled peanut butter always ends in a sticky mess.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:36 PM on August 6, 2011


Not as bad as uncontrolled jelly.
posted by madcaptenor at 8:07 PM on August 6, 2011


The comments on the LA Times article are the best part of this entire thread and all the twitter accounts. #caseinpoint.
posted by softlord at 1:18 PM on August 7, 2011


Sarah Conner?
posted by homunculus at 12:17 PM on August 15, 2011 [4 favorites]


Hoopo: "I mean probably 75% of guys you see in the summer are wearing cargos and flip flops"

We got dudes in brown flip flops
and dudes in brown flip flops
holy crap, why are all these dudes
wearing brown flip flops??
posted by Chrysostom at 5:31 AM on August 16, 2011


How I Got 10,000 Twitter Followers In Just Over a Week
posted by homunculus at 3:14 PM on August 23, 2011


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