Scandybars
August 18, 2011 5:32 PM Subscribe

Scandybars is one of the strangest sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how these people got their Snickers wedged into their scanners, or why.
posted by quiet coyote (68 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

scandylous.
posted by 2bucksplus at 5:35 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Wow. Most of these are terrible confections, but this site makes them look really...good.
posted by Verdant at 5:42 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

What a brilliant way to get people from all over the world to send you free candy. Children everywhere wish they'd thought of it.
posted by XMLicious at 5:43 PM on August 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

Somewhere, out there in alternate-reality land where TV is real, George Costanza is gesticulating wildly at his computer screen, screaming, "see that, Jerry?! See that?! What'd I tell you!?"
posted by phunniemee at 5:44 PM on August 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

Needs "foodporn" tag.
posted by Trurl at 5:46 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

This post is scrumpdiddlyicious.
posted by hippybear at 5:46 PM on August 18, 2011

Oh man. Gotta get me a Crunchie next time I'm at the Stop and Shop.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:46 PM on August 18, 2011

This is a particular favorite. They scanned all the different colors, and it's obvious that they did.
posted by hippybear at 5:47 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

They scanned all the different colors, and it's obvious that they did.

This is the best thing you will ever read about M&Ms.
posted by phunniemee at 5:49 PM on August 18, 2011 [44 favorites]

Meta-MetaFilter
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:49 PM on August 18, 2011

There was a trivia contest I used to take part in a lot back in the day, and I think someone made a trivia game out of this (Identify-the-candy-from-the-cross-section).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:50 PM on August 18, 2011

Why the hell must people continue to scan every fucking thing they can get their hands on? *Wanders off to scan my rage.*
posted by Fizz at 5:50 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Why the hell must people continue to scan every fucking thing they can get their hands on?

Haven't you ever watched Star Trek? Scanning is the best way to get preliminary, even detailed, information about things.
posted by hippybear at 5:52 PM on August 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

I snickered.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:52 PM on August 18, 2011 [8 favorites]

What a brilliant way to get people from all over the world to send you free candy.

I missed the address where people could send him candy. That would be an integral part of this master free candy plan.

This is the best thing you will ever read about M&Ms.

When I was in college I once got a bag of M&Ms out of the machine. It had 3 M&Ms in the bag. I don't remember what M&Ms cost back in 1860 when I was in college, but I think they were 45 cents a bag or something.

I wrote Mars a letter about how while I liked their product 15 cents a M&M was a bit much. I sent them the unopened bag (you could feel there were only 3 in the bag).

They sent me one of those 3 pound bag of peanut ones, another of plain, and a whole slew of coupons.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:57 PM on August 18, 2011 [12 favorites]

Dammit, now I'm craving a Mounds bar...
posted by Jughead at 6:07 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is the best thing you will ever read about M&Ms.

My memory is horrible, but I swear that my eighth grade science teacher made us do this as an actual assignment. I think we concluded that brown was the "strongest".

He was about to retire and oh did it show. In my class the previous year, we learned about the scientific method, cells, ions, and balancing chemical equations. My eighth grade teacher read us the Darwin awards, had us microwave pickles to learn about electricity, put marshmallows in a vacuum, and got us to light small clouds of powder on fire (the explanation of how this worked was pretty neat, but also lost to my hazy memory). We spent a couple of weeks working out the solution to logic puzzles. His classroom was a scattered mess of papers and random items, which might have explained why we did all the fire related work outside. It included a ten year old twinkie hanging from the ceiling by a piece of red yarn. It still looked edible. I miss that class.
posted by millions of peaches at 6:07 PM on August 18, 2011

phunniemee: That craigslist text is stolen from somewhere. I first read it on everything2.com back in like 2000, but I can't seem to find the post. I found some posts referring to it, though.
posted by loquacious at 6:08 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

I can't even cut already scored pills evenly with a pill slicer, so I'm impressed by the M&Ms alone. I'm sure it would take me the whole package to do one of each color.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:09 PM on August 18, 2011

That craigslist text is stolen from somewhere.

Yeah, I was forwarded that back in like '98 and ended up doing an expanded version of it on stage as a monologue. I know it was pre-2000 because I was still in high school.
posted by penduluum at 6:12 PM on August 18, 2011

Crunchie bars. Tasty, but eat one and you'll be digging it out from between your teeth for days, no matter how hard you brush. It's like sugary teflon.
posted by jonmc at 6:17 PM on August 18, 2011

This is the best thing you will ever read about M&Ms.

That's interesting. It reminds me of my younger brother, who starting around the age of 12 or so played a game with skittles where he would take two skittles at a time -- without looking -- from the bag, and if they came up the same color they scored a point. He wasn't exactly Rain Man but he managed to keep at least a rough running total in his head for years and what struck me as oddest, though he denies it now, is that he would regularly cheat on behalf of his favorite flavor, the purple ones.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 6:18 PM on August 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Sweet candy cross-sections = the Damien Hirst of deliciousness.
posted by mochapickle at 6:19 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why would anyone read the posts down here?
posted by Winnemac at 6:20 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

White chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are an abomination before God.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:23 PM on August 18, 2011 [6 favorites]

This one is my favorite.

Just wait until they scan Chase's Cherry Mash and its beautiful pink center.
posted by plastic_animals at 6:24 PM on August 18, 2011

Hate you. Need Crunchie.
posted by Glinn at 6:29 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

I wonder if Matt ever sees his catscan post rephrased and winces at how he originally phrased it.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 6:33 PM on August 18, 2011

White chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are an abomination before God.

I liked them, especially the mini ones.
posted by jonmc at 6:45 PM on August 18, 2011

Captn Crunch for breakfast, Kit-Kat and Coca-Cola for lunch, those were the days.
posted by stbalbach at 6:48 PM on August 18, 2011

Cap'n Crunch, sir, with an apostrophe.

*shakes head mournfully*
posted by jonmc at 6:49 PM on August 18, 2011

I saw this when it was featured on Tumblr a few days ago and said, well, hey, low-volume enough, let's read through it and add it.

I saw the Crunchie bar and was also struck with the hopeful-sad-nostalgia of wanting one (or a Violet Crumble, I'm not picky). It used to be you could only get them at the Irish Festival, then Stop and Shop inexplicably carried them (near the UK baked beans and pudding in cans), and then they stopped! They kept the goddamn Flake but not the wonder that is the honeycomb toffee.
posted by cobaltnine at 7:08 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

You can't get Crunchie in the States? It's strange that the candy/sweets selection is so similar between the UK and Canada, whereas the US has its own candy ecosystem, isolated as the Galapagos.
The only UK product that Canada is sorely lacking is Rowntree's (ok, Nestle) Fruit Gums and Fruit Pastilles. Apparently they have an ingredient (obviously the one that makes them so awesome) that's banned by Health Canada. Even so, if I could, I'd live on nothing but green Fruit Gums.
posted by Flashman at 7:22 PM on August 18, 2011

MetaFilter: has an ingredient that's banned by Health Canada
posted by hippybear at 7:25 PM on August 18, 2011

Dark chocolate Snickers bars are the spawn of Satan, they exist to destroy me; they mock me, they tempt me, they call to me from afar. They call "Hey, come on over here, Dumbo, we promise that this time you *will* be able to eat just one, plus we won't turn you into a big fat fucking pile of goo no matter how many you shove into your head." but I do not trust them, I cannot trust them, I must not trust them -- they have in the past proven themselves odious liars.

So I go on, as I must, lashed to the mast as it were, screaming to all other parts of myself to cut me loose, begging, despairing, an agonized howling as I drive past the 7/11, as I turn from them at the counter at the grocery store -- the grocer appears to have some sort of deal with the dark side, puts them on sale for $0.50 apiece at least once a month, and then splash big yellow signs pointing this price out to me, a bright yellow, writ large, a yellow I know now to look for even as I know also that I must look away, I must, I must, or there will be no tomorrow, or least not in these jeans ...
posted by dancestoblue at 7:26 PM on August 18, 2011 [7 favorites]

You can't get Crunchie in the States?

I've found them at Whole Foods and World Market (Cost Plus in some markets, I think) regularly. While there is much I love about the US candy market (for instance, the miniature Reese cup is the One True Candy as far as I'm concerned), the UK definitely has us beat.
posted by ndfine at 7:30 PM on August 18, 2011

Aside from my terror of the dark chocolate Snickers bars, my first thought on seeing the page linked is how much my father would have loved to see it. He was a cheap chocolate freak, he loved it, it was always easy to give him a smile, just get him one of those mega Hersheys chocolate bars plain or peanut.

He's five years in the grave now, or six, I miss him, how he was before alzheimers nailed him. Anyways, he'd have loved this, I'm loving it for him, and passing the link on to my sibs, too.
posted by dancestoblue at 7:33 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'd really like to see a bunch of Everlasting Gobstoppers on this thing.
posted by LionIndex at 7:33 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

That Flake bar is CREEPY looking.

I saw the Crunchie bar and was also struck with the hopeful-sad-nostalgia of wanting one (or a Violet Crumble, I'm not picky).

I've seen Violet Crumbles at one of our local Asian markets, which is big enough to have a British and Irish section. You might have luck with those too.
posted by NoraReed at 7:37 PM on August 18, 2011

Some of those scans are setting off my trypophobia.
posted by cazoo at 8:13 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

The M&M's and the swedish fish were challenges, but he'll need more than a sharp knife to take on a Kinder Surprise... (video NSFwatchingrightbeforebedtime)
posted by anotherbrick at 8:53 PM on August 18, 2011

White chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are an abomination before God.
But if you go to Madrid for the four-day weekend, there's this special one-time offer!
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 9:09 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

C'mon people; buy your candy in the multi-pack

I look at those sacks of Halloween candy, with each tiny little Snickers labelled "Fun Size" and laugh. A fun size Snickers would be the size of my arm.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:16 PM on August 18, 2011 [8 favorites]

This is a 90's webpage, called Name That Candy bar, that was simply cut up into individual posts
posted by growabrain at 10:31 PM on August 18, 2011

I could see myself attempting to do this and mysteriously never finishing the project.
"Welp, that slice is no good."
"Nope, that one neither."
"Dammit, I've run out of windex and paper towels."
"Oh, sorry man, copier-scanner is broken. Wasn't me. I called it in and am waiting for the guy. Want to share a candy bar?"
posted by iamkimiam at 10:34 PM on August 18, 2011

So I gave an Aggie a bag of M&Ms, and later he thanked me, and told me that he really liked them a lot but just found them so dang hard to peel...
posted by dancestoblue at 11:20 PM on August 18, 2011

14th August is wrong, just wrong. That's a Mars bar, not a Milky Way. Milky Ways do not have caramel.

I claim my free carton of assorted chocolate bars.
posted by arcticseal at 1:55 AM on August 19, 2011

Pretzel M&M's? Is that really a thing? When did this happen and why?
posted by Eumachia L F at 1:57 AM on August 19, 2011

Also, Scanwiches.
posted by James Scott-Brown at 2:14 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Let's see you do a chocolate covered cherry, mister cool guy!
posted by orme at 6:10 AM on August 19, 2011

Oh yeah, Double Deckers. My ex-boss in the UK works for Cadbury and sent me a case of 48 of them. If only Cadbury made Lion Bars, I'd be happy.
posted by TheDonF at 6:54 AM on August 19, 2011

Eumachia, pretzel M&Ms are fantastic...as are the coconut ones. But they need to do a cross section of an Aero bar...chocolate with air bubbles. So good. Only available at the Arabic markets in my hometown.
posted by Kokopuff at 7:56 AM on August 19, 2011

**remembers he needs to pick up some hash**
posted by humboldt32 at 8:00 AM on August 19, 2011

this is a 90's webpage, called Name That Candy bar, that was simply cut up into individual posts

No it isn't.
posted by kenko at 8:27 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

OMG Bit O' Honey. I need to buy a bag every time I'm in the US. My friends have no idea what I see in that candy... one even compared it to those Halloween caramels with the witch on the wrapper that everyone hates. But it's like a chewy honey graham! More for me.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 9:59 AM on August 19, 2011

The trend I notice is that people posting here seem to eat (or yearn for) only one candy bar at a time.

C'mon people; buy your candy in the multi-pack (yes, Crunchie bars do come in a multi-pack). Nom your game on.

I'm no longer allowed to buy multipacks of any candy bar or pastry. Because I will eat the entire goddamn thing in a sitting. I'm assuming this is true for others.

A couple of months ago after Easter my local grocery store had jelly beans on sale. For a quarter. For a two pound bag. Do you have any idea what a two pound bag of jelly beans does to a human digestive tract? How about eight 2-pound bags?

It was like pouring quick setting concrete into a garden hose, that's what.
posted by loquacious at 10:51 AM on August 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

You can't get Crunchie in the States?
Definitely Cost Plus World Market (in Orlando, FL and Evanston, IL, at least), individually or in a 6-pack (but I am also not a person who can just keep some Crunchies or Violet Crumbles in the cabinet for any length of time). Sometimes they can also be found at the teeny Brit section of a regular grocery store (Dominick's).

Bit O'Honey - love it, but tragically really, really, really bad for my poor teeth.
posted by Glinn at 10:55 AM on August 19, 2011

A high e guitar string. And he's thinking about getting a Dremel for the really tough ones. Sweet Mother Macree.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:24 AM on August 19, 2011

14th August is wrong, just wrong. That's a Mars bar, not a Milky Way. Milky Ways do not have caramel.

I claim my free carton of assorted chocolate bars.

bzzzt.

Thanks for playing, but the American Milky Way does have caramel.

The rough US-everywhere else Milky Way/Mars Bar translation chart:

US Milky Way -> UK Mars Bar
UK Milky Way -> US 3 Musketeers
US Mars Bar -> UK Mars Almond

Blame Forrest Mars, Sr., if you must.
posted by zamboni at 2:55 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Pretzel M&M's? Is that really a thing? When did this happen and why?

Some time in the last two years, because they are delicious.

In the 90s, chocolate covered pretzels were a thing (shortly after pretzels with gunk inside had worn out their welcome), but I've never seen them since.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:37 PM on August 19, 2011

I think I can still get chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels -in bulk- at my store.
posted by LionIndex at 4:14 PM on August 19, 2011

Zamboni - I had no idea. They're doing that just to mess with me.
posted by arcticseal at 5:58 PM on August 19, 2011

I think I can still get chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels -in bulk- at my store.

Eh, that's gateway drug kid stuff. When you grow up into a proper peanut-butter-and-pretzels-with-chocolate junkie you just get a jar of peanut butter, a jar of nutella, a bag of pretzels and a spoon. The spoon isn't optional because it doesn't take very long until the level of peanut butter and nutella is below optimal dipping levels in their jars.
posted by loquacious at 7:46 PM on August 19, 2011

When you grow up into a proper peanut-butter-and-pretzels-with-chocolate junkie you just get a jar of peanut butter, a jar of nutella, a bag of pretzels and a spoon.

This wouldn't take place in your basement room, by any chance?
posted by LionIndex at 8:09 PM on August 19, 2011

What is wrong with this Kit-kat? I often eat them in layers and have never seen one that messed up.
posted by soelo at 8:15 PM on August 19, 2011

This wouldn't take place in your basement room, by any chance?

Aww, snap! Man, I wish I had a basement. I could throw lightswitch raves!
posted by loquacious at 11:01 PM on August 19, 2011

US Milky Way -> UK Mars Bar
UK Milky Way -> US 3 Musketeers
US Mars Bar -> UK Mars Almond

Fascinating.

In the 90s, chocolate covered pretzels were a thing (shortly after pretzels with gunk inside had worn out their welcome), but I've never seen them since.

Blame Mall Rats.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 4:08 PM on August 24, 2011

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