I need ya, Decks. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

August 18, 2011 6:50 PM

Ridley Scott, now finishing post-production on Prometheus, the not-exactly prequel to Alien (previously) is now planning "a prequel or a sequel" to Blade Runner.

The untitled piece began planning when Alcon picked up the rights to Blade Runner earlier this year. The original film, a modest success when it was first released in 1982, is now widely admired. It has since inspired numerous books about the film, as well as a written sequel or two or three by K.W. Jeter, Philip K. Dick having died before the release of the film.

Bonus trivia: one of the screenwriters of Blade Runner, David Webb Peoples, wrote the 1998 Kurt Russell film Soldier, which he considers a "sidequel" to Blade Runner -- set in the same universe, but sharing no characters or plot points.

posted by ricochet biscuit (147 comments total)

Will it be before or after he films Monopoly?
posted by dobbs at 6:52 PM on August 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

> set in the same universe, but sharing no characters or plot points.

...or any positive qualities whatsoever.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:53 PM on August 18, 2011 [9 favorites]

You could learn from this guy, Gaff. He's a goddamned one-man Kubrick, that's what he is. Four more sequels to go!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:55 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

This promises to be an excellent idea, with an aesthetic that remains faithful to the classic original film, just as the Star Wars "prequels" featured technology and characters that were self-evidently "historical" when compared to the final three episodes. I predict that it will offer us rich background material which will enhance our understanding of and appreciation for the 1982 film, and will not at all be just a movie with a lot of faux-futuristic shit and a guy who shoots at it and at some point gets into a fight with an android that hasn't had its skin put on it yet, which somehow cheekily manages to slip in a line about its mother. Ha! So silly, because it's obviously a robot! Also there will be a flying car chase.
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:56 PM on August 18, 2011 [42 favorites]

Oh, please don't do this. *slaps hands over ears* la la la laaaa
posted by neuromodulator at 6:56 PM on August 18, 2011 [12 favorites]

There was a time when I had a hell of a lot of respect for Ridley Scott. That was before he ruined Nottingham.
posted by Navelgazer at 6:57 PM on August 18, 2011

Ric Flair is still working too.

Out of respect for who he was, I'm politely ignoring it.
posted by Trurl at 6:58 PM on August 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

Blade Runner II: Now With Lightsabers!
posted by indubitable at 7:02 PM on August 18, 2011

DUDE, DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP?
posted by tumid dahlia at 7:03 PM on August 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Slightly related, it looks like (as of May) Neuromancer is still a thing, and will actually be filmed.

Is 2012 the year for endless cyberpunk retreads, sequels, and adaptations? Hackers reboot with Shia LeBouf, maybe?

<sub>Out of respect for who he was, I'm politely ignoring it.

Then I regret posting this.</sub>
posted by codacorolla at 7:03 PM on August 18, 2011

Blade Runner can't be replicated

(first!)
posted by stbalbach at 7:04 PM on August 18, 2011 [20 favorites]

I really like some of KW Jeter's books, especially the early cyberpunky ones, but those Blade Runner sequels are dire. I suppose it's just as well that Jeter decided to write sequels to the movie, rather than Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, but even for movie novelizations they are terrible.
posted by whir at 7:04 PM on August 18, 2011

...and Vincenzo Natali also seems to be listed as a director for JG Ballard's High Rise.
posted by whir at 7:09 PM on August 18, 2011

Don't Deckard and Rachel end up having a kid spoilers?
posted by tumid dahlia at 7:09 PM on August 18, 2011

...or any positive qualities whatsoever.

I beg to differ: Kurt Russell is on screen for virtually the entire movie and has a total of 104 words of dialogue. With his Costneresque range as a performer, that is the best possible employment of his skills.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:10 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's interesting that we've already reached the stage where Cyberpunk aims at the nostalgia market.
posted by joannemullen at 7:12 PM on August 18, 2011 [21 favorites]

Fuck that and fuck the Western presumption of innocence. After what George Lucas did to my childhood last decade I'm fucking grabbing my pitchfork and torch NOW. I trust I'll see the rest of you on Ridley Scott's lawn.
posted by Ryvar at 7:12 PM on August 18, 2011 [10 favorites]

VO: He was hired to eliminate the replicants..

(slow-mo shot of Harrison Ford drawing revolver from trenchcoat)

VO: This was not called "killing". This was called "retiring".

(slow-mo shot of Rutger Hauer dying in the rain)

VO: But what he wasn't ready for...

(close up of Harrison Ford's furrowed brow)

VO: ...is the NEXT generation of replicants!

(record scratch noise. CGI baby pulls down sunglasses on bridge of nose, smirks, raises eyebrow)

Baby Replicant: Heh. You were expecting Darryl Hannah?

("Walking on Sunshine" covered by Smash Mouth starts playing, montage of babies getting into trouble: spilling chocolate sauce, slapping an ostrich, trying on adult clothing, etc)

VO: Now THIS Blade Runner...

(Baby squirts toothpaste tube at Harrison Ford, who squints and spits)

VO: Is in for a "retirement"...

(Baby Girl Replicant holds up hand)
Baby Girl Replicant: Talk to the bioengineered expiry-enforced hand!

VO: ... he'll never forget!

(shot of Harrison Ford covered in flour, shaking both fists and shouting at the ceiling)

Harrison Ford: BABY REPLICAAAANNNNTS!!!!

VO: This summer....

(shot of Baby Replicants driving a taxi)

VO: Get ready to BLADE RUN!

Baby Replicant: I thought you said you knew how to drive this thing!

Wizened Asian Man: I should have made you some better eyes!

(taxi turns corner, knocks over fruit stand, chickens fly out in a panic)

Baby Replicants: WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

VO: Blade Runner Kids! Coming soon to theatres everywhere!

(CGI graphic appears on screen: "In Disney Digital 3-D")
posted by Greg Nog at 7:14 PM on August 18, 2011 [314 favorites]

"'Walking on Sunshine' covered by Smash Mouth"

LOLOCAUST
posted by bardic at 7:20 PM on August 18, 2011 [24 favorites]

Actually, if they went with the "Deckard was a replicant" notion, they could get Ford and Young to reprise their roles and set it 3 years after the events of the first film and everyone will be like WHOA.
posted by Scoo at 7:23 PM on August 18, 2011 [13 favorites]

No no no no NO NO NO! No no no nononono no-no. NO!

On the other hand, Greg Nog gets 10 bonus points.
posted by hippybear at 7:23 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

set in the same universe, but sharing no characters or plot points.

Just so I understand this, like Driving Miss Daisy is set in the same universe as say... Starship Troopers?
posted by the noob at 7:29 PM on August 18, 2011 [8 favorites]

Blade Runner Kids!

Blade Runner Babies tested better in the 65-71 demographic.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:30 PM on August 18, 2011

So the prequel then would begin with: Los Angeles 2012 Post election scenario? The Tea World Colony?
posted by effluvia at 7:38 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

The best possible result, Greg Nog's comment, has already occurred. We can all rest easy now.
posted by odinsdream at 7:38 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, but you did forget "...in Smellovision".
posted by odinsdream at 7:39 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hackers reboot with Shia LeBouf, maybe?

Look, if you're going to invoke something, stick to the Great Old Ones, OK?

Seriously the dude's name should be Shia Leneutraltexturizedvegetableprotein.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:40 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Blade Runner 2: Electric Boogaloo
posted by Confess, Fletch at 7:41 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

The best possible result is the one where a Blade Runner sequel is "in development" so nobody else can do anything with it yet no sequel is ever made.
posted by immlass at 7:41 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Hackers reboot with Shia LeBouf, maybe?

I will end the world in fire and ruin.
posted by elizardbits at 7:43 PM on August 18, 2011 [17 favorites]

It's not "Smellovision" it's Aroma-Scope.

Anyway, I guess I'll just use this thread to mention the elusive ambient noise album Los Angeles, November 2019, and let those who are interested find it for themselves.
posted by hippybear at 7:44 PM on August 18, 2011 [7 favorites]

There have already been a bunch of things that could be termed spiritual sequels to Blade Runner: Strange Days, Code 46, Armitage, Total Recall 2070, the video game, Shatter, the aforementioned Soldier, etc., not to mention the dozens and dozens of things that are less directly influenced by the movie. I don't think it needs a sequel, official or not.

I generally don't think that authors reworking their work ruins it, but with Blade Runner, I might make an exception. Scott keeps tweaking BR, and every time he does, it makes me wonder if maybe the brilliance of the original wasn't just a happy coincidence.
posted by jiawen at 7:54 PM on August 18, 2011 [8 favorites]

Maybe we'll get to see attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion....
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 7:56 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Maybe we'll get to see attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion....

Pssh, no one will ever believe that.
posted by codacorolla at 8:03 PM on August 18, 2011 [18 favorites]

if maybe the brilliance of the original wasn't just a happy coincidence.

I've discovered with my own work, and with others - more often than not - this is exactly the case.

It's what keeps me from developing a theory of myself as completely awesome. I'm still mostly awesome however. There's good evidence of that.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:09 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

dabnabit, all the good ones gone, the fleequels off bunyuns of chief o'brien
hudson, run a saga
not when it's a prequel, baby.

Magersfontein Lugg: time traveller.
posted by clavdivs at 8:10 PM on August 18, 2011

Blade Runner 2: The Bladening
posted by Joey Michaels at 8:13 PM on August 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

the 1998 Kurt Russell film Soldier, which he considers a "sidequel"

Yeah, I remember that. The Kurt Russell character is a veteran of "the battle of Tannhauser Gate." Oh boy, that movie was dire.

A couple of nights ago (local time, natch) Blade Runner (the theatrical release, wtf?) was on SyFy at the very same time that Rachel Young was on Celebrity Rehab. I just kept flipping back and forth between the two and thinking "Wow ... this is so fucked up. This is like the only possible sequel to Blade Runner."
posted by octobersurprise at 8:18 PM on August 18, 2011 [8 favorites]

The Blade Runner Baby looked at you? Sarah Connor, get me Superintendent Chalmers.
posted by darkstar at 8:18 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

and

Lance Henriksen as himself as Absolon Junius Tyrells hologram as Ripleys Uncle Horace.
posted by clavdivs at 8:19 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

sounds good
posted by archivist at 8:21 PM on August 18, 2011

You are tearing me apart, Ridley!

And Solider was just the worst.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 8:21 PM on August 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Greg nog - who's reading your trailer? So much in a good voiceover...
posted by HLD at 8:23 PM on August 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

I looked at his list of credits. I don't think I've liked a movie of his since Thelma and Louise. Oh well. Maybe this is right on par then...
posted by CarlRossi at 8:23 PM on August 18, 2011

Blade run, don't blade walk!
posted by schoolgirl report at 8:33 PM on August 18, 2011

I mentioned Nottingham above. (those who read cracked will maybe know about this from a recent thing, but it's been common knowledge around screenwriting circles for a long time now) Nottingham was a brilliant, ambitious, novel screenplay which took the Robin Hood story and set is as a medieval detective saga with the Sheriff of Nottingham as the lead. It was something genuinely new and inventive, but with a hook of the known that would put asses in seats.

Ridley Scott got himself attached in bad faith, so that he could make his own, entirely dire and forgettable Robin Hood movie that no one saw or wanted to see twice. And in doing so, he killd the good script.

So fuck that guy. I love Blade Runner. I love Alien. I love Thelma and Louise. Fuck that guy.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:36 PM on August 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

I want more life money, fucker.
posted by gerryblog at 8:38 PM on August 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

Blade Runner 2: Cool Runnings

Deckard joins the Jamaican Bob Sled Team
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 8:40 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Greg Nog, that's one of the most perfectly ghastly things I've ever read. I am horrified, and impressed.
posted by Songdog at 8:43 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

This should be epic.
posted by Meatafoecure at 8:45 PM on August 18, 2011

Oh, oh, oh, I guarantee this film will have several scenes of a replicant, battling a human being/maybe-a-replicant, and instead of just murdering the human being/maybe-a-replicant with her engineered choking hands, the replicant BATS the person across the room into something made of glass, just backhanding people left right and centre so they fly across the room and aren't killed outright, and at SOME POINT a replicant/human being/maybe-a-replicant will be smashed through a wall. Ffffffuuuuuu-
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:46 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

("Walking on Sunshine" covered by Smash Mouth starts playing, montage of babies getting into trouble: spilling chocolate sauce, slapping an ostrich, trying on adult clothing, etc)

We also would have accepted "Bad to the Bone" covered by Cake, but 10 points to Mr. Nog. Well done.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:47 PM on August 18, 2011 [4 favorites]

Talk about your involuntary dilation of the iris!
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:04 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Blade Runner 2: BLADE RUNNEST
posted by mazola at 9:05 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Not that this matters much, but Ridley Scott has indeed, made my favorite move of all time, and many others that fall just under Blade Runner, in rank. Alien was the most inspired piece of Science Fiction I had seen to date, when I found myself watching the breakfast scene, with my mouth covered...Thelma and Louise, he made that? Whoa. I love this guy's work. Whatever, I love the Cohen brothers too. I have been out in the middle of Nevada at night, driving across, when, seeing the lights of Las Vegas brighten the clouds, in my mind's eye, I see Bunny Lebowski's little toe, still attached to her foot, with the green toenail polish, and Elvis is singing Viva Las Vegas! Film is such great stuff, when it is great stuff. I look forward to whatever Scott comes up with.
posted by Oyéah at 9:09 PM on August 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Alien, saw it on release day, at night...buzzed so I remember. The opening throws you off. What a tracking shot and that helmet, then the funny dipping bird...the computer wakes, the crew wakes. Tom Skerritt is was the real replicant/synthetic because look at all that security to get to mother, she was hard wired with no voice. Empathy with Kottos character is a corollary to labor divison/union problems concerning deep space ore processing. For example:
"I just want to go home and party".
He smells something rotten on LV-426. Then Hurt, not yeilding star fleet protocols, falls and later freaks penny robinson with a strange flashback to the midnight dance scence in I, Clavdivs plus one gesticulating alien. Harry dean can't roll em fast enough. Ironcally I had yellow papers at that time, they were good for phatties but IMO, designed for tobbacco... Oh, lets face, no one knows why other then when they had the glued-in wire holder.

and I remember the cat, the real captain. The dripping chains did not scare kitty, no, after gestation, kitty hid the escape pod, waiting.
posted by clavdivs at 9:12 PM on August 18, 2011 [6 favorites]

It will probably have Will Smith in it right?
posted by juiceCake at 9:28 PM on August 18, 2011

So dumb. You can't make a sequel to a Philip K. Dick novel. I don't see how.

Still waiting for We Can Build You, Ubik (would be scariest film ever made) and Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:30 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

What am I going to do about all these philistines who hate Soldier?

I'm going to kill them all, sir.
posted by adamdschneider at 9:31 PM on August 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

Comic-Con 2011: Charlize Theron & Damon Lindelof Interview
posted by homunculus at 9:39 PM on August 18, 2011

2 Blade 2 Runnerous
posted by Navelgazer at 10:10 PM on August 18, 2011 [5 favorites]

HOLDEN: You're reading Metafilter when you see a comment by Greg Nog ...

LEON: Comment? What's that?

HOLDEN: Know what a post is?

LEON: Yeah sure.

Same thing, except snarkier. You read the comment, and you're not favoriting it. Why is that, Leon? Why aren't you favoriting it?

LEON: Because it's a cliché that's been done so many times: on Metafilter and by Hollywood. It's a reflection of the triteness of the movie industry, and the vapidity of the audience, and frankly, it makes me sad to see what we have now instead of a world that sprang from the imaginations of the filmmakers who gave us the Thief of Bagdad.

HOLDEN: 1940 or 1924?

Excerpt from MY DINNER WITH LEON, coming to a theater near you this October.
posted by zippy at 10:27 PM on August 18, 2011 [19 favorites]

In the spirit of gerund+noun, I propose Blading Runner. The new replicant is an ultramarathoner who likes to cut himself and wrestle large animals bought from the Sidney's catalog.

Also considered was Electrifying Sheep, but initial storyboards only served to make the producer's housemates very worried.
posted by iamkimiam at 10:27 PM on August 18, 2011

Brade Runner Bregins
posted by tumid dahlia at 10:32 PM on August 18, 2011

navelgazer: any chance you could point us in the direction of the screenplay for Nottingham? It sounds great, and tragic.
posted by nushustu at 10:41 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

It will probably have Will Smith in it right?

Only if he gets to take his shirt off. No, I am not joking. It's written into all his contracts.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:54 PM on August 18, 2011

Funfact: There's a Police Spinner in a pile of junk in a scene in Soldier.

(I think Soldier is a decent flick)
posted by kumazemi at 11:03 PM on August 18, 2011

Weekend at Sebastians's

Two and a half replicants (with Leon as the housecleaner)

Those guys with the mohawks, wraparound sunglasses, and umbrellas (directed by Jean-Jacques Beineix and Pierre Jeunet)
posted by zippy at 11:04 PM on August 18, 2011

octobersurprise: "Rachel Young"

Sheesh, some Blade Runner geek you are. Her name is totally spelled Rachael.
posted by jiawen at 11:22 PM on August 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Matchstick Men
posted by zoinks at 11:23 PM on August 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh and "Slapping An Ostrich" will be a fantastic song title.
posted by zoinks at 11:25 PM on August 18, 2011

Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... this prequel. ...
posted by DreamerFi at 12:40 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... this prequel. ...

Optional.
posted by jimmythefish at 12:46 AM on August 19, 2011

You read the comment, and you're not favoriting it. Why is that, Leon? Why aren't you favoriting it?

LEON: Because it's a cliché that's been done so many times: on Metafilter and by Hollywood.

VO: Blade Runner Beans! Coming soon to threads everywhere!
posted by rory at 1:45 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think it's interesting that codacorolla brought up Neuromancer above; there is a Bladerunner 2 novel out there already, and it very much struck me as more of a poor man's William Gibson than a poor man's Philip Dick. I don't remember it well enough to say whether it could be source material for a decent film, but my feeling is probably not.

I don't know how much mileage there is the whole "OMG am I a person or an android and is the difference important anyway" thing at the moment since Battlestar Galactica poisoned the well recently. It would be hard to distance oneself from that level of stupid.

Ironmouth: So dumb. You can't make a sequel to a Philip K. Dick novel. I don't see how.

The novel I mentioned is definitely a sequel to the film, not the novel, and I suspect Ridley Scott is approaching this the same way.

Even so, Bladerunner is a film that cries out for a sequel in exactly the same way that Highlander did, which is to say, not at all because it had a perfect ending. Any attempt at a sequel had better not involve Deckard and Rachel.
posted by nowonmai at 3:14 AM on August 19, 2011

I was intrigued enough by what was said above to track the PDF of Nottingham, and I'd highly recommend it - it's not a great work of fiction, but it would have made a terrific movie, and is a very entertaining way to spend the hour or so it took me to read it. Certainly better than yet another middling-to-poor Robin Hood movie.

Ridley Scott was a great advertising director who was lucky enough to put his prodigious talents for presentation at the service of a series of unusual scripts - The Duellists, Alien and Blade Runner - but he's no auteur: his involvement doesn't make a film better, just prettier, and making a visually arresting movie is the least that can be expected these days.

(Compare and contrast with Alan Parker who, for all his faults, has made some genuinely off-the-wall movies over the years.)
posted by Grangousier at 3:50 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

BR2: The Loneliness of the Long Distance Blade Runner
posted by permafrost at 4:31 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Blade Runner is my favorite movie of all time, I have seen it a godzillion times and can still always watch it. I don't know how I feel about this. I will reserve judgment until after I've seen Prometheus.

Also: Blade Runner Kids! made coffee come out my nose.
posted by biscotti at 5:12 AM on August 19, 2011

I'd like to see a remake of Blade Runner, but instead of the modern CGI-infested jump-cut-filled mutilation of the future noir setting of the old film that we'll probably get (complete with literal depiction of c-beams glittering in the dark) it would be a faithful retelling of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, with all the crazy shit that was in hindsight an early sign of PKD's spiralling descent into schizophrenia. The Tomb World, Mercerism, Buster Friendly and his Friendly Friends, that weird part with the fake police station, Empathy Boxes, status anxiety expressed through pet ownership, the Penfield Mood Organ, the awkward speech patterns of every single character, the toad, all of that. Yeah.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 5:14 AM on August 19, 2011 [9 favorites]

Shitty sequels are made only because they know you will see it no matter how awful it is.

But no one's making anyone see this stuff. If sources you trust tell you it's not good enough, don't go to it.
posted by pracowity at 5:34 AM on August 19, 2011

The police station chapter with the other bounty hunters blew my mind when I read it. They're all looking at each other like "You a replicant? 'Cuz I'm not a replicant, and if I'm not a replicant and you're not a replicant then who's the replicant? Someone here is a replicant!" That part always made me think it was the basis for the movie.

Looking at the cast list for Prometheus just makes me cringe. It looks like the same old story, with Theron stepping in for Weaver. Idris Elba is playing The Token Black Guy. I'm giving 3 to 1 odds his character dies before the movie is 2/3rds over. Pearce will play a foil that creates an unresolved sexual tension. If Lance Henriksen is in the movie, I'll have serious reservations about even going to see it.
posted by P.o.B. at 5:35 AM on August 19, 2011

Who's going to play the Abraham Lincoln robot?
posted by Bigfoot Mandala at 5:43 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

If a Xenomorph takes on characteristics of it's host to better suit itself to it's new environment, doesn't that mean we'll get to see giant aliens this time around?
posted by P.o.B. at 5:47 AM on August 19, 2011

a faithful retelling of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

Yeah, and with the Androids mise-en-scene, all post-nuclear war with the world sort of running down and full of dust and kibble, but empty of people, rather than bright and shiny and futuristic and crowded like in BR.
posted by Infinite Jest at 5:50 AM on August 19, 2011

Holden: You look down and see Blade Runner, Ridley. It's just laying there being admired. You drop your pants and try to take a shit on it. Why are you trying to take a shit on Blade Runner, Ridley?

Ridley: Because I love money?

[Holden shoots Ridley with a gun he had pulled out under the table]
posted by orme at 6:00 AM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

While I don't want to see him do Blade Runner 2, because I don't want it made, I think I'd enjoy seeing Christopher Nolan try his hand at an actual Dick script, maybe Ubik. I know it's trendy to hate on him right now but he has the right set of interests, his formula fits the style, and even though I'm not that crazy about where he's taking Batman, he's at least doing something different and making it interesting. And fridging or marginalizing the women wouldn't be a huge problem in a Dick story anyway.
posted by immlass at 6:02 AM on August 19, 2011

It's apparently a family thing, because his brother is threatening to ruin The Wild Bunch. I like Blade Runner a lot. I'd be tempted to kill to prevent some hack from "re-imagining" TWB.
posted by yerfatma at 6:06 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'd like to see a remake of Blade Runner, but instead of the modern CGI-infested jump-cut-filled mutilation of the future noir setting of the old film that we'll probably get (complete with literal depiction of c-beams glittering in the dark) it would be a faithful retelling of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

It's hard to realize, given the movie, that the book is mainly about people's weird relationship with pets.

DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC LOLCATS?
posted by ennui.bz at 6:11 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Maybe this time the things he'll later claim are in the movie will actually be in the movie.
posted by Legomancer at 6:14 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

You forgot Poland Replicant!
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:23 AM on August 19, 2011

The only way a Blade Runner prequel would work is if it is set 100 years ago and is really just a biopic about Charles Babbage. The only way a Blade Runner sequel could work is if it is set a zillion years in the future and is about the heat death of the universe.

Anything else is horrible.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:28 AM on August 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

Oh and "Slapping An Ostrich" will be a fantastic song title.

it is sung by the Pet Shop Boys to the tune of "Send Me An Angel"
posted by elizardbits at 6:33 AM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Blade Runner 2: Lode Runner?


(I don't know, maybe replicants don't look down when they're walking or something)
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 7:01 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh and "Slapping An Ostrich" will be a fantastic song title.

. . . or euphemism for masturbation. You decide!
posted by The Bellman at 7:01 AM on August 19, 2011

David Webb Peoples, wrote the 1998 Kurt Russell film Soldier, which he considers a "sidequel" to Blade Runner

But in his defense he also wrote Unforgiven.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:10 AM on August 19, 2011

If Lindelof inserts religion into the Alien franchise the way he did the last season of LOST, I am going to hunt him down and kick his ass.
posted by aught at 7:11 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Blade Runner 2: Replicant Centipede, Full Sequence
posted by Saxon Kane at 7:22 AM on August 19, 2011

Perhaps I'm guilty of heresy here, but to me, Blade Runner's greatest strength lied in its look and feel. If Ridley Scott can replicate (heh) that, I'd watch 2 hours of dogshit in the rain.
posted by SPUTNIK at 7:29 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

VO: Blade Runner Beans!

Counterman: He say you ovahthink! He say you bean prater!
posted by zippy at 7:30 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh god, the product placement! We get to play "what will be in the remake!" Now-successful brands that are doomed:

My five: Google/Motorola, Virgin Galactic, Lenscrafters, Tesla and Woot!

Google/Motorola: Android Nexus Six Phone used by JF Sebastian (launch timed for the premiere)

Woot! (Deckard's vid-phone in first pan across his apartment in shows a Woot Off, complete with screaming monkey sound when a new item appears)

Virgin Galactic: blimp ad with Branson in geisha drag

Tesla: Tyrell's ride, seen half-obscured in garage. Never driven on-screen

Lenscrafters: Chu's day job
posted by zippy at 7:47 AM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

But in his defense he also wrote Unforgiven.

And 12 Monkeys. I have, however, already voiced my support for Soldier. Good movie? You judge. Good Kurt Russell movie? Fuck yes.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:55 AM on August 19, 2011

SPUTNIK: "If Ridley Scott can replicate (heh) that, I'd watch 2 hours of dogshit in the rain."

Oh, so you've seen Black Rain too? (har har har)
posted by jiawen at 8:45 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Blade Runner, the theatrical release version with the voice over, (yes yes, I know I'm a heretic) is one of my favorite films. I was always fastinated by the blimps and "a new beginning awaits you in the off-world colonies." I would be interested in a movie that didn't have anyone from the original film and followed someone emigrating to the colonies. I'd like to see the off-world colonies.
posted by Gwynarra at 8:52 AM on August 19, 2011

I don't think they should let directors make sequels of their ground breaking works; there is just too much chance that they'll do something like the new Star Wars trilogy or the last Indianan Jones film.

A better solution would be to find a current film maker who's doing some innovative things, and is a completely obsessed fan of the original, and let them have a crack at it. Because you know they'll be respectful of the universe and put out a film by a fan, for the fans.

I'd like to see a Christopher Nolan or a Sergei Lukyanenko Blade Runner sequel way more than I'd want to see Scott have another crack at it.
posted by quin at 9:00 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

adamdschneider: "And 12 Monkeys. I have, however, already voiced my support for Soldier. Good movie? You judge. Good Kurt Russell movie? Fuck yes."

Kurt Russell absolutely redeems that movie. The script is actually not bad, it's just so clumsily and ineptly directed. Then you realize it was made by Paul W.S. Anderson, who went on to put the stake in the already-dying Alien franchise, which Scott is also trying to revive.

Layers upon layers...
posted by mkultra at 9:17 AM on August 19, 2011

Lubricated Strip Walker.
posted by srboisvert at 9:24 AM on August 19, 2011

A better solution would be to find a current film maker who's doing some innovative things, and is a completely obsessed fan of the original, and let them have a crack at it. Because you know they'll be respectful of the universe and put out a film by a fan, for the fans.

Like JJ Abrams' Star Trek!

this comment is a litmus test
posted by FatherDagon at 9:30 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

this comment is a litmus test

Well, I was certainly tempted to reply acidly to it.
posted by RogerB at 9:50 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Like JJ Abrams' Star Trek!

Or Jeunet's take on Alien!

(I'm one of perhaps ten fans of this film)
posted by zippy at 9:56 AM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

If I froth and gnash my teeth about the brilliant casting marred by the lens flare future bridge struggling against the cheap as hell industrial warehouse underbelly -- will I be passing or failing the litmus?
posted by cavalier at 9:57 AM on August 19, 2011

The new Blade Runner film will be "a total reinvention, and in my mind that means doing everything fresh, including casting," so saith producer Andrew Kosove.
posted by heatvision at 10:50 AM on August 19, 2011

If you going to do a Blade Runner sequel, it should clearly be a buddy cop movie. You can bring back Deckard, as the old experienced cop days away from "retirement", and then have some fresh faced kid (perhaps played by Shia LeBouf), brand new to the Blade Running business.

At first, they don't get along. Deckard doesn't like this kid, his unwillingness to follow procedure, and his hotshot attitude. The kid doesn't like Deckard and his by the book adherence to the rules. Wacky hijinks ensue - Deckard learns that sometimes you have to take shortcuts to get things done, and the kid learns some respect for the wisdom and knowledge of his betters. At some point, there is a thrilling car chase that really doesn't advance the plot but allows for some awesome special effects shots.

The whole things ends in a dramatic showdown in a back alley, where the kid has suddenly realized that his true assignment has been to learn from Deckard and then carry out his retirement. Deckard gets an emotional speech in which concludes "all these moments will linger in your memory...like dogshit in rain" which will make no sense until you realize that you've seen the movie and can't unsee it; you will have horrible moments of recalling this piece of drek that are akin to that moment you stepped in dogshit in the rain.
posted by never used baby shoes at 10:59 AM on August 19, 2011

Also, since we don't have a synopsis yet, and to touch on SPUTNIK's comment, I will be very pleased with this film if it successfully depicts a new future aesthetic. Blade Runner was incredibly important in that right, and we've had a whole decade of the future depicted in either post-apocalyptic terms or as everything being tinted green or blue. We need a new vision. And I think that's something Scott can do.

(I'd love it if he pulled a Dune and made this film great-looking by getting some innovative illustrators and fashion designers involved.)
posted by heatvision at 11:06 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

A couple of people have pointed it out, but I’ll recap.
David Webb Peoples wrote;
Blade Runner
Unforgiven
12 Monkeys

I’m kind of excited about the Blade Runner movie. But I’ve never understood when people get that upset about remakes, remixes, etc. You do know they don’t actually destroy the original when they do a sequel, right?
posted by bongo_x at 11:40 AM on August 19, 2011

Like JJ Abrams' Star Trek!

this comment is a litmus test

Like the film or not, it was certainly not, "by the fans for the fans".
posted by adamdschneider at 11:44 AM on August 19, 2011

Yes, obviously, that tale would have been one of Kirk and Spock finding true love while marooned on a forsaken planet.
posted by mkultra at 11:58 AM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

mkultra, will Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine be reprising their roles for that remake? If so, where can I buy the ticket?
posted by darkstar at 12:07 PM on August 19, 2011

It will actually just be like sixteen Zachary Quintos in a hot tub for two hours.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:13 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

That works, too.
posted by darkstar at 12:23 PM on August 19, 2011

You do know they don’t actually destroy the original when they do a sequel, right?

Here I would typically point to Highlander 2: The Fuckening as an example of a sequel so bad that it tainted the entire franchise to the point that it became almost impossible to divorce the stench of the awful follow-ups from the original. That the cast was willing to debase themselves to such a shitty script suggested that no one really cared that much about the intent of the story to begin with...

But I can't, because I still refuse to believe that Highlander 2 ever happened, and that it was all a hallucination I had one night after eating some bad sweet and sour chicken.
posted by quin at 12:24 PM on August 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

Yes, obviously, that tale would have been one of Kirk and Spock finding true love while marooned on a forsaken planet.

...and then taking the Big E against an Imperial Star Destroyer in battle. And then the Ko-Dan Armada. And then a Shadow Battlecrab, after which Uhura would make out with Susan Ivanova and possibly G'Kar. And then Yamato and Lexx together, and somehow the ships themselves would be having sex. Finally, they'd face off against Harry Potter.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:26 PM on August 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

Deckard is a replicant. When he dies his soul is transmitted. To a dog.
posted by mazola at 12:28 PM on August 19, 2011

...and then taking the Big E against an Imperial Star Destroyer in battle. And then the Ko-Dan Armada. And then a Shadow Battlecrab, after which Uhura would make out with Susan Ivanova and possibly G'Kar. And then Yamato and Lexx together, and somehow the ships themselves would be having sex. Finally, they'd face off against Harry Potter.

It's such UNMITIGATED BULLSHIT that you didn't include Firefly in this
Fox never even gave it a fucking CHANCE
posted by Greg Nog at 12:31 PM on August 19, 2011 [6 favorites]

I imagine that a firefly class like Serenity could probably work pretty well with Slave 1, if they could figure out some sort of spaceship missionary position...
posted by quin at 12:55 PM on August 19, 2011

Words I never I imagined I'd type about thoughts I couldn't believe I'd ever have...
posted by quin at 12:56 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Sling Blade Runner won't be nearly as weird as you think, people.
posted by haveanicesummer at 1:01 PM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Dude, dude, dude. You have to pit similarly-classed ships against each other. What's the point of sending Serenity up against Enterprise when she can't even take on a Reaver fleet or an Alliance cruiser? She isn't even a warship! The only way Mal & Co. could survive would be if River used her psychic powers to force the crew of their adversary into a frenzy of yiffing.

The proper battle would be between Serenity and Millennium Falcon. The ST universe just doesn't have much in the way of merchantmen with significant self-defense capacity.

I also didn't include Son Goku, the SDF-1, or even a gaggle of GCUs. Ya gotta leave something for the sequel.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:04 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Finally! It's about damn time they made a prequel to the Rockwell BladeRunner infomercial. I bet they cop out and fade to black during the jigsaw-on-bandsaw sex scene, though.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:11 PM on August 19, 2011

A llittle bit SPOILERy for the book here, but:

If you going to do a Blade Runner sequel, it should clearly be a buddy cop movie. You can bring back Deckard, as the old experienced cop days away from "retirement", and then have some fresh faced kid (perhaps played by Shia LeBouf), brand new to the Blade Running business.

Dick pretty much condensed your whole comment down to one chapter, except the ending. Because the "is he a replicant stuff?" was mainly in there to keep you off balance while reading. Basically at one point, Deckard is given a partner or to at least work with a certain individual. IIRC, he complains about it but dutifully goes along with it. Deckard actually is looking to retire,quit bounty hunting, and get off Earth. He meets up with the partner and... well, you should check it out.

TL;DR: Read the book people! It's a good read and expands upon the plot and themes in the movie threefold.
posted by P.o.B. at 1:20 PM on August 19, 2011

Blade Runner vs. Hobo with a Shotgun?
posted by beau jackson at 1:28 PM on August 19, 2011

For what it's worth, Ubik is apparently in development, with Michel Gondry attached as director, at least as of earlier this year. I'd say that Gondry is a promising choice to direct this, Being John Malkovich definitely had what you could call a Dickian sensibility to it. I half-wish that Hollywood would just stay away from Dick's work for a while, though; even the most faithful adaptation produced yet, A Scanner Darkly, lost something ineffable from the novel, and it just made me want to reread the novel. Linklater got the flatness right, but he didn't get the despair right, and he botched the best scene in the book (where everyone is arguing about how many gears are on a bike).

And I like Blade Runner as much as the next person, but it's only vaguely related to the novel, which is all about empathy instead of, uh, hunting robots or whatever. Really The Man in the High Castle is probably the most cinematic of Dick's good books, but I shudder at the thought of Hollywood making it into some big dumb action blockbuster.
posted by whir at 1:31 PM on August 19, 2011

Gondry had exactly zero to do with Being John Malkovich. That was directed by Spike Jonze; it was written by Charlie Kaufman, who also wrote two Gondry films, but that's the only relationship.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:42 PM on August 19, 2011

Oops, my mistake. Not sure why I always confuse those two.
posted by whir at 1:58 PM on August 19, 2011

he botched the best scene in the book (where everyone is arguing about how many gears are on a bike).

I thought that scene was funny. I have not read the book, however.
posted by adamdschneider at 2:29 PM on August 19, 2011

Posting here to give a little extra love to Soldier. I have seen that movie multiple times, and I'm always blown away by the fact that a movie that should be by all rights absolutely terrible manages to get so much so *right*, to the point that I'd rate it excellent.

Among other things, it has been established that our kick-ass soldier Kurt Russell is no match for the new breed of soldier when it comes to strength/speed/anything physical. The movie is very good about making sure that every single time he takes one down, up to and including the climax, he does so purely through fighting smarter. It's a rare action movie that doesn't cheat, by for example having the bad guys unable to hit anything they shoot at. For the most part, this one doesn't.

Also, the character of the soldier is really surprisingly good too. I kept expecting a moment where he would break down in tears and let us behind that ice cold exterior of his. But he doesn't and can't, he was molded to be this ice-cold man, and even when he's clearly kind and good, he's kind and good in a removed, slightly creepy way. It takes balls to make your protagonist so thoroughly unrelatable. But it's true to the world and the character.

All you people hating on Soldier have no taste for bad action movies. As a connoisseur of them, I can tell you that Soldier is one of the greatest bad action movies I've ever seen.
posted by kingjoeshmoe at 2:29 PM on August 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

perhaps played by Shia LeBouf

SERIOUSLY it is like you people say these things just to hurt me. Chinless Pastyface Dorkwad TheBeefs makes Madonna look like a srs bznss thespian.
posted by elizardbits at 2:32 PM on August 19, 2011

I don't think Soldier is the greatest, but I do think the at least the cornball factor is way down. The movies premise holds together fairly well, and there really isn't a part where you do a headslap and say "Oh, come ooooonnnn!" I like Kurt Russel and think he did a good job, but it's not like the movie called for a range of emotions or even an arc for the character to display. A movie isn't great through a lack terribleness, but compared to other movies in the same genre that have a much worse signal to noise ratio, it comes out looking pretty good overall.

And I think there should be more parts for actors like Jason Scott Lee.
posted by P.o.B. at 3:12 PM on August 19, 2011

Trans Blade Formers Runner. Co-Directed by Michael Bay (action sequences: 115 minutes) and Ridley Scott (atmosphere and dialog: 5 minutes)
posted by zippy at 4:03 PM on August 19, 2011

I actually like the shit out of Soldier - and I'm willing to bet that Soldier is going to be far better than this Blade Runner 2: Blade Harder the movie.

Like JJ Abrams' Star Trek!

So... with lots of gratuitous lensflare, then?
posted by porpoise at 5:28 PM on August 19, 2011

Soldier: "...he was molded to be this ice-cold man..."

This is basically why this movie was a waste of time. There's more personality in the average Quake deathmatch.
posted by sneebler at 5:51 PM on August 19, 2011

sneebler: "This is basically why this movie was a waste of time. There's more personality in the average Quake deathmatch."

Yeah, it would have been much better if Kurt Russell ran around calling everyone who shot at him "gay" and teabagged everyone he killed.
posted by mkultra at 6:26 PM on August 19, 2011

Blade Runner 2: Electric Sheepaloo
posted by kirkaracha at 6:53 PM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Uther Bentrazor: "You forgot Poland Replicant!"

I thought the exclamation mark was part of the title, and clicked expecting a musical.

♫ I made this snake!
You made this snake?
It's awful realistic for a fake! ♪
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 7:52 AM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

Blade Runner 2: The Legend Of Curly's Gold
posted by EarBucket at 11:46 AM on August 20, 2011

Hmm. In the remake, will Decker escape incineration in an atomic detonation by hiding in a refrigerator?
posted by darkstar at 11:49 AM on August 20, 2011

On Golden Pond + Blade Runner = Vague Runner, starring Jane Fonda, John Lithgow, and Seth Green as their rebellious grandson. Zack Gallifinakis as Deckard.
posted by zippy at 12:03 PM on August 20, 2011

Blade Runner 2: Blade Sprinting

If they bring Ford back: Blade Runner 2: Power Walker
posted by Pronoiac at 4:09 PM on August 20, 2011