Mmmm...pressed peanut sweepings

August 19, 2011 4:40 PM

64 slices of American Cheese and other foods from the Simpsons attempted in real life
Not included: Gummi Venus De Milo, Homer's Patented Space-Age Out of This World Moon Waffles, Skittlebrau, Floor Pie, the Flaming Moe

For a complete guide to food on the Simpsons, the folks at snpp have every obsessive detail.

Still missing from the internet are real life versions of gum 'n' nuts, a single plum floating in perfume served in a man's hat, cool ranch soda, squash candy, meatloaf men (though there is a voodoo meatloaf man), and Mr. Burns' Old-Fashioned, Good-Time, Extra-Chewy Cookies. In other news, it appears there are people somewhere who eat butterscotch chicken and creamed eels without a tv reference in mind.

posted by Alison (104 comments total)

WHERE'S MY NUTS N' GUM?!
posted by The Whelk at 4:42 PM on August 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

I'm relatively certain we made skittlebrau in college, but I'm also certain that that period of time is hazy in my memory for... some... reason.
posted by flaterik at 4:42 PM on August 19, 2011

What, no Blinky?
posted by phunniemee at 4:43 PM on August 19, 2011

so that explains his mysterious trip to holland
posted by The Whelk at 4:45 PM on August 19, 2011

I want my tomacco.
posted by dortmunder at 4:45 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I THINK I'M BLIND
posted by griphus at 4:47 PM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Also: is there a better (informational) Simpsons website than SNPP? I haven't ever found one.
posted by griphus at 4:48 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Mmmm. Unexplained bacon.
posted by Slap*Happy at 4:50 PM on August 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

It makes me so happy that someone actually wrapped a waffle around a stick of butter and tried to eat it.
posted by mandanza at 4:57 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

I love this post and I hate this post in roughly equal measure. You are unbearably cruel to have posted it at dinnertime.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:06 PM on August 19, 2011

Has anyone ever figured out what Mexican bacon is?
posted by madcaptenor at 5:12 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I love that Tom Collins Pot Pie is the very first recipe. One of my favorites. Not only is that recipe probably fatal, I think you could make a decent insect repellent out of it.
posted by yerfatma at 5:14 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Has anyone ever figured out what Mexican bacon is?

The horrible secret.
posted by phunniemee at 5:15 PM on August 19, 2011 [8 favorites]

It seems weird that they cut corners so much. The 64 Slices Of American Cheese was a non-cheese substitute, and the moon waffles were made with a frozen waffle rather than batter. If you're gonna go outlandish, you may as well follow through on the swing. The fact that the caramel cubes would drop through the waffle batter, sticking to the grill, was always the part of the moon waffles that I found most intriguing.
posted by Greg Nog at 5:15 PM on August 19, 2011 [6 favorites]

The 64 Slices Of American Cheese was a non-cheese substitute

"American Cheese" is a non-cheese substitute.
posted by madcaptenor at 5:16 PM on August 19, 2011 [8 favorites]

I want my tomacco.

That's what we call Black Prince tomatoes. So delicious and addicting.
posted by jabberjaw at 5:16 PM on August 19, 2011

The horrible secret.

I am equally proud and scared that you knew where to find that picture.
posted by eriko at 5:18 PM on August 19, 2011

What does your poop look like after consuming 64 slices of american cheese?

Inquiring minds want to know.
posted by dibblda at 5:19 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I can see through time
posted by The Whelk at 5:26 PM on August 19, 2011 [6 favorites]

I guess it was too hard to find Guatemalan Insanity Peppers
posted by Hoopo at 5:27 PM on August 19, 2011 [6 favorites]

No Flavor Wax? No Marzipan Joy-Joys Mit Iodine?
posted by corey flood at 5:27 PM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

I have something of a weakness for American cheese. Fake American "cheese," however, is the most disgusting thing I've ever had in my mouth. I'm absolutely befuddled as to why they'd go with that horrid stuff.
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 5:30 PM on August 19, 2011

Yes, I would like to watch someone else try a chutney squishee.
posted by the painkiller at 5:31 PM on August 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

Fake American "cheese," however, is the most disgusting thing I've ever had in my mouth.

I've heard say those slices are actually gelatin products and don't need to be kept in the refrigerated section of the grocery store.
posted by Hoopo at 5:45 PM on August 19, 2011

or one made entirely of syrup
posted by The Whelk at 5:45 PM on August 19, 2011

I know a lot of folks outside the USA don't get it, but trust us, there is a huge gulf of difference between quality Pasturized Proccessed Cheese Food and knock-off Imitation Pasturized Proccessed Cheese Product. If all I'd ever had was the latter I'd hate American Cheese too, but it ain't all like that. Seriously.
posted by BeerFilter at 5:45 PM on August 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

I love that Tom Collins Pot Pie is the very first recipe.

Except that they actually made a Tom Collins to put in the crust. It was SUPPOSED to be Tom Collins mix, which I always found hilarious given the decades old bottle of Collins mix that inhabited my parents' liquor cabinet for the entire time I lived in their house.
posted by hwyengr at 5:46 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

I guess that making steamed hams was too dangerous for the purpose of a blog post?
posted by codacorolla at 5:48 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Tropical Skittles make the best Skittlebrau. I know this for a fact.

Mmm... something.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:50 PM on August 19, 2011

I guess that making steamed hams was too dangerous for the purpose of a blog post?M

It's just a little airborne! It's still good! It's still good!
posted by zarq at 5:51 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also, a variety of food related Simpsons quotes from Taquitos.net.

My favorite,

Moe: Hey Sabu, I need another Magnum, or your best champagne here, eh! And bring us your finest food stuffed with the second finest.

Waiter: Good choice sir, that's lobster stuffed with tacos!
posted by codacorolla at 5:53 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

What does your poop look like after consuming 64 slices of american cheese?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I expect the poor dude who had to eat all 64 slices will have to wait a long while to find out.
posted by xingcat at 5:55 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

It was SUPPOSED to be Tom Collins mix

The fact they ate cloves compensates for their sins.
posted by yerfatma at 5:55 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

You don't make friends with sal-ad! You don't make friends with sal-ad!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:56 PM on August 19, 2011 [6 favorites]

I can't believe the SNPP food page doesn't mention the Flanders' nonfat ice milk.

Unflavored for me!
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:57 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

and where's the 25 pound steak?
posted by mr vino at 6:03 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

ALL SYRUP SQUISHEE.

Hey man, New York is that way!
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 6:09 PM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Also:

Real Life Tomacco and pictures 1 & 2
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 6:14 PM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Mmmm... Floor pie.
posted by Jughead at 6:14 PM on August 19, 2011

Jughead: I lived on the third floor of a dorm in college. We were for the most part geeks and we watched the Simpsons a lot. We called ourselves "Floor Pi".
posted by madcaptenor at 6:19 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

ARGH! Jughead beat me to it!
posted by 4ster at 6:24 PM on August 19, 2011

It tastes like burning.
posted by 445supermag at 6:28 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

I promised I'd eat you last... I lied.
posted by bpm140 at 6:40 PM on August 19, 2011

Mmmm...steaky!
posted by kirkaracha at 6:47 PM on August 19, 2011

Hey, I left "free goo" untouched... Take it away, 4ster!
posted by Jughead at 7:09 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Nachos! Flander's style!

HEY SIMPSONS NERDS LETS PLAY A GAME
posted by The Whelk at 7:35 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

No mention of chili on this thread yet?!

Firehouse Ned's Five-Alarm Chili?

And Chief Wiggum's brew containing the merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.

Probably my favourite episode.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:37 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I guess it was too hard to find Guatemalan Insanity Peppers

Apologies. That's what I get for not reading the comments properly, and "double checking" by doing a quick CTRL+F for the word "chili."
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:40 PM on August 19, 2011

Dammit. I would love a reason to eat 64 slices of kraft singles.
posted by Kloryne at 7:50 PM on August 19, 2011

The Nacho Hat is a thing.
posted by codacorolla at 7:51 PM on August 19, 2011

But wait are they individually wrapped or not? The individually wrapped ones don't taste as good.
posted by Kloryne at 7:52 PM on August 19, 2011

HEY SIMPSONS NERDS LETS PLAY A GAME

This would be a lot easier with the names of the actresses.
posted by griphus at 7:55 PM on August 19, 2011

I NEVER SAID IT WAS AN EASY GAME
posted by The Whelk at 7:56 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ah, this game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!
posted by griphus at 7:59 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

HUNGRIEST HIPPO
posted by elizardbits at 8:17 PM on August 19, 2011

No stuck-together waffles? Sticking together is what good waffles do.
posted by dry white toast at 8:20 PM on August 19, 2011

Mmmmm...sacrilicious.....
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:22 PM on August 19, 2011

Rot13 cheat sheet for the actresses for STUPID BABIES

Zryvffn Tvyoreg Tyraa Pybfr Puevfgvan Evppv Zvpuryyr Csrvssre Xnguyrra Gheare Jvaban Evqre Zrely Fgerrc Naar Onapebsg Fhfna Fnenaqba Ryvmnorgu Gnlybe
posted by The Whelk at 8:23 PM on August 19, 2011

I hope that's shepherds pie in my knickers.
posted by sourwookie at 8:28 PM on August 19, 2011

my favorites include lobster stuffed with tacos, chow-dah!!, and the over the top squishy. and unitarian ice cream. and white wine spritzer. and carob. and couscous.
posted by ifjuly at 8:33 PM on August 19, 2011

and the pie whose own fault it is if it gets eaten. and homemade pepsi.
posted by ifjuly at 8:34 PM on August 19, 2011

and pocket bread with flavor sauce and crunch patties. and crab juice.
posted by ifjuly at 8:36 PM on August 19, 2011

I already made a cake for you to ruin!
posted by The Whelk at 8:38 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

So, no one's tried the California Cheeseburger?

Oh, wait...
posted by FreelanceBureaucrat at 8:44 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

I assume the absence of frogurt was due to their inability to acquire potassium benzoate for the toppings.
posted by grog at 8:46 PM on August 19, 2011

Needs more dog.
posted by mcmile at 8:49 PM on August 19, 2011

lame, they didn;t try a jagged metal O
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

griphus: "Ah, this game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!"

I think you mean Ravenous Ravenous Rhinos.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 8:58 PM on August 19, 2011

A) They're made of apple cores and Chinese newspapers!

B) More testicles means more iron.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:58 PM on August 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

Now let's all celebrate with a cool glass of turnip juice.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:00 PM on August 19, 2011

There's very little protein in these gym mats.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:01 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

griphus: "Ah, this game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!"

I think you mean Ravenous Ravenous Rhinos.

I meant the Shinning. you wanna get SUED?
posted by sweetkid at 9:04 PM on August 19, 2011

Ned: Who's up for a big bowl of non-fat ice milk?
Rod: I want wintergreen!
Maude: Unflavored for me!
posted by Sys Rq at 9:07 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

No footlongs!
posted by Sys Rq at 9:14 PM on August 19, 2011

Klav khalash!
posted by moonmilk at 9:32 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Check for ... millipedes ...
posted by Sys Rq at 9:35 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

for STUPID BABIES

Stupid babies need the most attention!
posted by hwyengr at 9:38 PM on August 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

No footlongs!

Just between you and me, smashed hat. Also, no rich creamery butter? No petroleum jelly? No hog fat? Or did Homer only smell that one?

Mmm... chocolate. Mmm... double chocolate. *gasp* New flavor! Triple chocolate!
posted by uncanny hengeman at 9:47 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I wish they never invented fried cheese.
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 PM on August 19, 2011

Spit-filled Krusty Burgers, anyone? [0:24s - 97% SFW]
posted by uncanny hengeman at 9:54 PM on August 19, 2011

Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hanta virus?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:58 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

What! No America Balls?

My theory is... Skinner likes dog food.
posted by gc at 10:03 PM on August 19, 2011

I will drink my non alcoholic beer while waiting for the hot dogs to defrost in the sink
posted by The Whelk at 10:03 PM on August 19, 2011

The Nacho Hat is a thing.

I seen it. That is to say I saw it.

Also I learned just now that the donut burger in Treehouse of Horror XI is/has become a real thing called the Luther Burger. I can't tell if it predates the airing of the episode in November 2000.
posted by Hoopo at 10:13 PM on August 19, 2011

If you live in California you can go to The Counter and order up a burger that's pretty damn close to the Good Morning Burger.

It was the last burger with a bun I ever ate.
posted by Space Coyote at 10:19 PM on August 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm suddenly hungry for a steak the size of a toilet seat.
posted by ShutterBun at 11:31 PM on August 19, 2011

It's made from hooves, you know.
posted by gompa at 12:27 AM on August 20, 2011

Hell, if ever I wished I could forget my troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice-cream, it would be after seeing that Tom Collins pie and then reading the eel recipes. Excuse me while I go and hurl my guts up.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 1:04 AM on August 20, 2011

American cheese is not cheese, it is sadness and early death in plastic wrapping.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:53 AM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

I start with the best part of the chicken: the neck!
posted by Cuppatea at 6:26 AM on August 20, 2011

Shut up and eat your pine cone.
posted by giraffe at 6:33 AM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

This American cheese, is it similar to Dairylea or something like that? Or is it hamburger cheese of the sort I just bought a 99p pack of to throw at hot dogs?
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 7:07 AM on August 20, 2011

I made gazpacho!

Also: butt sauce. And chocolate ice cream that will never come out--I know!
posted by ifjuly at 7:36 AM on August 20, 2011

Chocolate Microscopes?
posted by ShutterBun at 7:52 AM on August 20, 2011

And now courtesy of our friends at the meat concil, here's some tripe!
posted by The Whelk at 8:39 AM on August 20, 2011

What, no Blinky?

Or Pinchy?
posted by Mental Wimp at 11:03 AM on August 20, 2011

This American cheese, is it similar to Dairylea or something like that? Or is it hamburger cheese of the sort I just bought a 99p pack of to throw at hot dogs?

Computer says the latter.

Kraft Singles and the like are generally labeled with a made-up phrase like "pasteurized prepared cheese product" which is not an imitation of cheese so much as imitation of pasteurized process cheese food, which is a real thing with legally-defined standards that Kraft Singles don't even meet. (And they're not allowed to say that thing about the glass of milk anymore, because it was a bald-faced lie.)
posted by Sys Rq at 11:21 AM on August 20, 2011

I am tickled pink that Cheeze-Puffs are required to label themselves as "Cheese flavored puffed corn product" now
posted by The Whelk at 11:58 AM on August 20, 2011

Who knew there was so much Simpson food humour? I didn't even know it was a thing!
posted by guster4lovers at 11:59 AM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

Firehouse Ned's Five-Alarm Chili?

It's only two-alarm, two-and-a-half, tops.
posted by Grimgrin at 1:02 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

But who will be brave enough to try the Mountain Dew?

Homer Simpson: Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Khlav Kalash Vendor: Mountain Dew or Crab Juice.
Homer Simpson: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice.
posted by ErikaB at 4:27 PM on August 20, 2011

I'm still not seeing anyone attempting to eat a months old, radiator-heated party sub.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 6:38 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

Nobody likes weepy meat.
posted by 445supermag at 9:21 AM on August 21, 2011

Uppity Pigeon #2: "I'm still not seeing anyone attempting to eat a months old, radiator-heated party sub."

Two more feet, and I can fit it in the fridge.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:04 AM on September 13, 2011 [2 favorites]