She said "I really hoped you'd be someone else," and left.
August 22, 2011 1:13 PM Subscribe
The one about wanting his date to learn the piano cracked me up.
posted by tommasz at 1:20 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by tommasz at 1:20 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Bad date in 2005: 'so, how big is America then?' to an American."
"One of my dates suggested I guess the length of his penis about, oh, half an hour in. When I demurred he got all GUESS. JUST GUESS."
Hmm...
posted by griphus at 1:21 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
"One of my dates suggested I guess the length of his penis about, oh, half an hour in. When I demurred he got all GUESS. JUST GUESS."
Hmm...
posted by griphus at 1:21 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
I love it !
If I get ave I might add mine ....
"Smelled alcohol after he picked me up (too late). Took me to Hooters. Proceeded to get drunk(er). Cab home"
posted by Poet_Lariat at 1:22 PM on August 22, 2011
If I get ave I might add mine ....
"Smelled alcohol after he picked me up (too late). Took me to Hooters. Proceeded to get drunk(er). Cab home"
posted by Poet_Lariat at 1:22 PM on August 22, 2011
"A speed dater asked if I was ok about him turning up when he wanted but not contacting me btween visits. Also insisted I learn piano"
First time in a while I've audibly snorted soda all over the keyboard!
posted by Melismata at 1:25 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
First time in a while I've audibly snorted soda all over the keyboard!
posted by Melismata at 1:25 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
I recently went on a blind date with someone whose idea of exciting conversation was to show me photos of their server room at work, taken on their phone.
"And look here!" they said, excitedly. "A SCSI zip drive! Can you believe it?"
No, I said. I can't.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:27 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
"And look here!" they said, excitedly. "A SCSI zip drive! Can you believe it?"
No, I said. I can't.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:27 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
Probably more than 140 characters, but here's mine: "30 secs. after meeting blind date she has me hold her beer. Then shows me a "trick" where she slaps the bottle and I get soaked. Highlight of evening."
posted by bondcliff at 1:27 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by bondcliff at 1:27 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Here's mine:
"As Thee Satisfaction took the stage. She retreated, I asked why and she said 'they're black! Don't you read 4chan?' "
posted by hellojed at 1:28 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
"As Thee Satisfaction took the stage. She retreated, I asked why and she said 'they're black! Don't you read 4chan?' "
posted by hellojed at 1:28 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
"First meal with new girlfriend's parents, jack russell jumps onto lap, finger accidentally jams into anus, dog dies two weeks later."
These are all so dang british
posted by serif at 1:29 PM on August 22, 2011 [11 favorites]
These are all so dang british
posted by serif at 1:29 PM on August 22, 2011 [11 favorites]
140 characters? That's way too many people to go on a date with!
*rimshot?*
posted by ODiV at 1:31 PM on August 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
*rimshot?*
posted by ODiV at 1:31 PM on August 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
"One of my dates suggested I guess the length of his penis about, oh, half an hour in. When I demurred he got all GUESS. JUST GUESS."
That's when you guess something really outrageous so when he reveals the actual length it has to be smaller than what you guessed. I use this tactic all the time:
FRIEND: "Guess how much I paid for this shirt?"
ME: "A nickel."
FRIEND: "Well no, it was 4 dollars, but that's still a really good price."
posted by nathancaswell at 1:35 PM on August 22, 2011 [6 favorites]
That's when you guess something really outrageous so when he reveals the actual length it has to be smaller than what you guessed. I use this tactic all the time:
FRIEND: "Guess how much I paid for this shirt?"
ME: "A nickel."
FRIEND: "Well no, it was 4 dollars, but that's still a really good price."
posted by nathancaswell at 1:35 PM on August 22, 2011 [6 favorites]
...finger accidentally jams into anus
*rimshot?*
posted by Babblesort at 1:35 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
*rimshot?*
posted by Babblesort at 1:35 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
FRIEND: "Guess how much I paid for this shirt?"
NATHANCASWELL: "Fifteen inches?"
posted by ODiV at 1:36 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
NATHANCASWELL: "Fifteen inches?"
posted by ODiV at 1:36 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
Heh. Surprisingly funny, most of these. My favorite:
I had one who turned up, on a warm summer evening, in a huge arran jumper because he thought I'd like that being Irish.
My own:
Informed me of timing ability to drive 16th St from MD line to the White House without hitting one red light. Showed me 3 times in a row.
posted by peachfuzz at 1:38 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
I had one who turned up, on a warm summer evening, in a huge arran jumper because he thought I'd like that being Irish.
My own:
Informed me of timing ability to drive 16th St from MD line to the White House without hitting one red light. Showed me 3 times in a row.
posted by peachfuzz at 1:38 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
FRIEND: "Guess how much I paid for this shirt?"
$2+: "Too much."
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:38 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
$2+: "Too much."
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:38 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Making fun of dates for being dicks is fair enough.
Making fun of dates for being a bit too ordinary, dull, or slightly too wacky seems a bit unfair.
You can't expect every person you meet to be a special snowflake.
posted by memebake at 1:41 PM on August 22, 2011 [6 favorites]
Making fun of dates for being a bit too ordinary, dull, or slightly too wacky seems a bit unfair.
You can't expect every person you meet to be a special snowflake.
posted by memebake at 1:41 PM on August 22, 2011 [6 favorites]
The tattoo mice are killing me. Why mice??
posted by orrnyereg at 1:46 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by orrnyereg at 1:46 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I read through this a few weeks ago and sided with the alleged "bad date" in more than half of them.
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:49 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:49 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
hmm loads of these describe people inappropriately talking about death. is that a Thing?
posted by serif at 1:49 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by serif at 1:49 PM on August 22, 2011
I recently went on a blind date with someone whose idea of exciting conversation was to show me photos of their server room at work, taken on their phone.
"And look here!" they said, excitedly. "A SCSI zip drive! Can you believe it?"
If that happened to me (obviously in this hypothetical I wouldn't already be married) I would have proposed right then and there.
posted by kmz at 1:50 PM on August 22, 2011 [7 favorites]
"And look here!" they said, excitedly. "A SCSI zip drive! Can you believe it?"
If that happened to me (obviously in this hypothetical I wouldn't already be married) I would have proposed right then and there.
posted by kmz at 1:50 PM on August 22, 2011 [7 favorites]
"In the dark, I thought it was a condom; nope, just a KFC wet-nap." My friends asked me if I was a leg, breast, or thigh man for the rest of the summer.
posted by infinitewindow at 1:50 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by infinitewindow at 1:50 PM on August 22, 2011
If that happened to me (obviously in this hypothetical I wouldn't already be married) I would have proposed right then and there.
Yeah, to be fair, it immediately became clear to me that this was the right person for someone, but that someone was assuredly not me.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:51 PM on August 22, 2011
Yeah, to be fair, it immediately became clear to me that this was the right person for someone, but that someone was assuredly not me.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:51 PM on August 22, 2011
On my last date the guy had a pet WOODEN giraffe who had his own Fbook page. His name was Sebastian. (The giraffe).
If I dated guys I would *totally* date that guy.
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:51 PM on August 22, 2011 [14 favorites]
If I dated guys I would *totally* date that guy.
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:51 PM on August 22, 2011 [14 favorites]
One gentleman took me to the pub car park to show me his motorbike. He revved it for about ten minutes then did a lap and drove off
Just a hunch, but I think he's just not that into you.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:52 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
Just a hunch, but I think he's just not that into you.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:52 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
"I had a crimbo din-din with the grotty Scots bint. She was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears!"
Bloody right!
posted by bpm140 at 2:00 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
Bloody right!
posted by bpm140 at 2:00 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
He told me I was “everything he ever wanted in a woman”. Except I needed to stop getting haircuts. It was our first date.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:01 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:01 PM on August 22, 2011
I did show up for a blind date once at a restaurant and the woman had already eaten. I was on time.
Listening to tales of bad dates makes me sad, as before I was married I had a hell of a time getting a date, and I'm not THAT ugly or boring.
posted by maxwelton at 2:04 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
Listening to tales of bad dates makes me sad, as before I was married I had a hell of a time getting a date, and I'm not THAT ugly or boring.
posted by maxwelton at 2:04 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
An then there was the time when....
Nice restaurant where he spent 45 mins telling me how great linux was. Sudo: Go Away.
posted by Poet_Lariat at 2:05 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
Nice restaurant where he spent 45 mins telling me how great linux was. Sudo: Go Away.
posted by Poet_Lariat at 2:05 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
BAD DATE: "Guess how big my penis is. C'mon GUESS!"
ME: "I don't know how big your penis is, but you are a really big dick."
posted by Ochre,Hugh at 2:06 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
ME: "I don't know how big your penis is, but you are a really big dick."
posted by Ochre,Hugh at 2:06 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
I dated a proto-Goth who spent the entire meal asking me to describe dead people and how peaceful they looked (I was a cop then)
Do the British have a different conception of what "proto-Goth" is? Because I am picturing an old school deathrocker on a date with a cop and how is this not the best idea of a buddy movie ever?
posted by griphus at 2:08 PM on August 22, 2011 [7 favorites]
Do the British have a different conception of what "proto-Goth" is? Because I am picturing an old school deathrocker on a date with a cop and how is this not the best idea of a buddy movie ever?
posted by griphus at 2:08 PM on August 22, 2011 [7 favorites]
My favorite so far: "I went on an internet date where 15 minutes in the guy said 'If I was my friend Michael I'd do *this*' and promptly grabbed my tits."
... and her Twitter profile avatar pic is... of her (clothed) tits. I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.
Eponystwitterical?
posted by Drewstre at 2:09 PM on August 22, 2011
... and her Twitter profile avatar pic is... of her (clothed) tits. I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.
Eponystwitterical?
posted by Drewstre at 2:09 PM on August 22, 2011
I wanna send Ochre,Hugh on dates now, and film all the quick retorts.
posted by dabitch at 2:09 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by dabitch at 2:09 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Second date. "Help me hide all these bodies!" she said,
"Oh no!" I thought, "Not this again."
Still, we had a nice walk on the beach.
posted by quin at 2:10 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Oh no!" I thought, "Not this again."
Still, we had a nice walk on the beach.
posted by quin at 2:10 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
One date brought along eggnog, gave it to me as I arrived. As a foreigner I didn't understand the meaning of it! Embarrased silence
Um, what does the eggnog mean?
posted by jabberjaw at 2:15 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
Um, what does the eggnog mean?
posted by jabberjaw at 2:15 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
@Rhodri On meeting one date, he says"oh you've got a lisp. It's a pity they didn't sort that out when you were a kid". I burst into tears.I'm worried that some of these are my dad.
posted by abcde at 2:17 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
Over the years, I think I went on about 15 or more internet dates, and they were all really interesting experiences, no disasters. I think the trick is to do something cultural that you wanted to do anyway, and take a likeable, interesting stranger from the internet along with you. Even if you both decide to never meet again, you still had a chat with an intelligent, interesting person.
posted by memebake at 2:17 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by memebake at 2:17 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
Ed Hardy shirt, drunk and driving new truck when he came to pick me up. Offered him coffee to keep him off the road. Asked if I'd ever seen Looking For Mr Goodbar. Escorted to door by roommate's bf.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 2:17 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 2:17 PM on August 22, 2011
Um, what does the eggnog mean?
I believe the British give each other eggnog as a pre-emptive apology for slights they assume they will commit in the future.
posted by griphus at 2:18 PM on August 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
I believe the British give each other eggnog as a pre-emptive apology for slights they assume they will commit in the future.
posted by griphus at 2:18 PM on August 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
Some of these are strangely not-readable. Like they are in a parallel version of english I don't speak. Kind of like that episode of TNG where the aliens spoke perfect english words, but conveyed all meaning with metaphors. Are most of these from Australia or something?
posted by Ad hominem at 2:21 PM on August 22, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by Ad hominem at 2:21 PM on August 22, 2011 [7 favorites]
*wipes tears gasps for air
So funny!
We drove fours hours out to His Place. During dinner his mother walked in. His room was next to hers.
posted by nickyskye at 2:23 PM on August 22, 2011
So funny!
We drove fours hours out to His Place. During dinner his mother walked in. His room was next to hers.
posted by nickyskye at 2:23 PM on August 22, 2011
Are most of these from Australia or something?
That's a fair drive around the block for half a dozen eggs, mate.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:24 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
That's a fair drive around the block for half a dozen eggs, mate.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:24 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
They all sound british...
posted by stratastar at 2:30 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by stratastar at 2:30 PM on August 22, 2011
They all sound british...
I think that is what UbuRovias said, "half a dozen eggs" is rhyming slang for British right? Kind of how they call Americans septics?
Some of them are cute, "girl got legless" I was kind of panicking for a bit trying to figure that out.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:34 PM on August 22, 2011
I think that is what UbuRovias said, "half a dozen eggs" is rhyming slang for British right? Kind of how they call Americans septics?
Some of them are cute, "girl got legless" I was kind of panicking for a bit trying to figure that out.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:34 PM on August 22, 2011
exchange student date of mine once took 25mins & Span-Eng dictionary to ask if he could take 'sensual picturegaph' of me. I decline
That's one wild and crazy guy!
posted by griphus at 2:37 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
That's one wild and crazy guy!
posted by griphus at 2:37 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm British and at no point in my life have I been offered, bought or consumed eggnog.
posted by biffa at 2:41 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by biffa at 2:41 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
hah! the septics dictionary. I'd never heard that term of slang (septic?) before... and its not defined in the dictionary...
hmph.
posted by stratastar at 2:50 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
hmph.
posted by stratastar at 2:50 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
I think the most amazing thing here for me is that it appears that British people go on "dates" now.
I now officially declare myself hopelessly old and out of touch.
posted by Decani at 2:53 PM on August 22, 2011
I now officially declare myself hopelessly old and out of touch.
posted by Decani at 2:53 PM on August 22, 2011
I don't know what CMS this site uses but every time I try to scroll to the bottom it jumps back up the page. Very annoying.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:54 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:54 PM on August 22, 2011
Septic tank, rhymes with yank. therefore septic. I watch a alot of british movies from the 60s and 70s.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:55 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Ad hominem at 2:55 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
During dinner his mother walked in.
At least she only walked in during dinner!
posted by grouse at 3:00 PM on August 22, 2011
At least she only walked in during dinner!
posted by grouse at 3:00 PM on August 22, 2011
quin: Second date. "Help me hide all these bodies!" she said,
"Oh no!" I thought, "Not this again."
Still, we had a nice walk on the beach.
From the site (@polski1)
I went on a soulmates date and the bloke spent the evening telling me the best ways to murder people and get away with it.
Huh.
posted by Lemurrhea at 3:10 PM on August 22, 2011
"Oh no!" I thought, "Not this again."
Still, we had a nice walk on the beach.
From the site (@polski1)
I went on a soulmates date and the bloke spent the evening telling me the best ways to murder people and get away with it.
Huh.
posted by Lemurrhea at 3:10 PM on August 22, 2011
"Septic tank, rhymes with yank."
Grumble. No wonder none of my British friends ever used that word around me.
posted by stratastar at 3:11 PM on August 22, 2011
Grumble. No wonder none of my British friends ever used that word around me.
posted by stratastar at 3:11 PM on August 22, 2011
From the site (@polski1)
I went on a soulmates date and the bloke spent the evening telling me the best ways to murder people and get away with it.
Scarabic? Is that you?
posted by kmz at 3:12 PM on August 22, 2011 [9 favorites]
I went on a soulmates date and the bloke spent the evening telling me the best ways to murder people and get away with it.
Scarabic? Is that you?
posted by kmz at 3:12 PM on August 22, 2011 [9 favorites]
People who bitch online about bad dates are usually people who kind of deserve to be alone.
posted by jonmc at 3:18 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jonmc at 3:18 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
I knew about "septic" (or "seppo") for "Yank", but I'm still left trying to figure out "half a dozen eggs"....
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:45 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:45 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm actually surprised how many of these qualify as assault. Not because I'm surprised it happens on first dates, but I'm surprised it goes in the "bad date" category. Like, my category for "bad family vacations" includes the one where our car got broken into in the south of France, and the one where we had to wait at the border for hours because someone didn't have her immigration documents with her, but not the one where our dog ran into a moving car (...yes. He wasn't a very bright dog) and narrowly escaped death.
posted by Jeanne at 3:52 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Jeanne at 3:52 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
...perfect english words, but conveyed all meaning with metaphors. Are most of these from Australia or something?
I watched a wombat crawl along the edge of a straight razor. Waddling, snuffling along the edge of a straight razor, and surviving. But then, my mate told me that there was no razor, nor was there a wombat. What I had seen was a very loose-fitting piece of overcooked beef sliding down a shish kebab I had stuck in the sand to illustrate a point. He offered me another Foster's, and I told him we don't drink that shit here. But there was something crunchy about his voice, and so for the first time I looked at him and he was...A PILE OF PRAWN HEADS! And that was my worst date ever.
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:53 PM on August 22, 2011 [15 favorites]
I watched a wombat crawl along the edge of a straight razor. Waddling, snuffling along the edge of a straight razor, and surviving. But then, my mate told me that there was no razor, nor was there a wombat. What I had seen was a very loose-fitting piece of overcooked beef sliding down a shish kebab I had stuck in the sand to illustrate a point. He offered me another Foster's, and I told him we don't drink that shit here. But there was something crunchy about his voice, and so for the first time I looked at him and he was...A PILE OF PRAWN HEADS! And that was my worst date ever.
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:53 PM on August 22, 2011 [15 favorites]
"fair drive around the block for half a dozen eggs"
I think you meant to say "half a dozen bumnuts", Ubu.
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:56 PM on August 22, 2011
I think you meant to say "half a dozen bumnuts", Ubu.
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:56 PM on August 22, 2011
Do the British have a different conception of what "proto-Goth" is? Because I am picturing an old school deathrocker on a date with a cop and how is this not the best idea of a buddy movie ever?
posted by griphus at 5:08 PM on August 22 [2 favorites +] [!]
I always assumed that's what "NCIS" is about.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 4:07 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by griphus at 5:08 PM on August 22 [2 favorites +] [!]
I always assumed that's what "NCIS" is about.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 4:07 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
We took a cab home from the club where her ex was DJing. She puked on me, opened the door, and yelled "Run!" I didn't have enough money to pay the cab.
posted by vibrotronica at 4:09 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by vibrotronica at 4:09 PM on August 22, 2011
"I went on a blind date wearing a bright pink blazer & jeans. I turned up to find my date wearing exactly the same thing."
Meh - that kind of thing happened all the time in the 80's.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:10 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Meh - that kind of thing happened all the time in the 80's.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:10 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
"half a dozen bumnuts"
Yeah: bumnuts, chookrags - six of one, half dozen of the other.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:15 PM on August 22, 2011
Yeah: bumnuts, chookrags - six of one, half dozen of the other.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:15 PM on August 22, 2011
My worst first date. . .which seemed pretty tame and boring until I heard later that she told one of her friends, "he tried to hug me like a man hugs a woman!" Which turned it into bad date fodder.
posted by Danf at 4:18 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Danf at 4:18 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Guy came to get me in his new Porsche. Before I got in, he put a towel on my seat because "girls can sometimes be sweaty down there""
I think I've been on a date with that guy....
posted by longdaysjourney at 4:20 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think I've been on a date with that guy....
posted by longdaysjourney at 4:20 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Girl cooties!
posted by Poet_Lariat at 4:30 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by Poet_Lariat at 4:30 PM on August 22, 2011
My mate had a date with a man who did oil paintings. Which would have been OK, but they were ALL of the cast of 'The OC'.
Wait. I want to date that guy! We could dish about how dreamy Pacey is and stuff.
posted by grapesaresour at 4:47 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Wait. I want to date that guy! We could dish about how dreamy Pacey is and stuff.
posted by grapesaresour at 4:47 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Skipped a theater group rehearsal for my only blind date, ever, with a girl named Candy Hull*. We were teens, and she picked the movie "Punchline", because she needed "cheering up" -- not realizing it was actually a drama, and that part of the plot hinges on divorce (her parents had just announced their imminent divorce.) When we got back in the car, she sat as far away from me as possible. We made conversation; I mentioned my favorite ice cream flavor, and she responded by telling me how much she missed her ex-boyfriend. She talked about him all the way back to her house.
Since the date was so short, I made it to the theater group rehearsal as it was ending, and ran into the friend who hooked us up. She asked how it went, and I said it had been a disaster, a complete train wreck, just awful. My friend was visibly relieved, and said she was so happy I'd felt it had gone badly, because Candy had called her and told her the same thing -- so if I had thought it had gone well, she didn't know how she was going to break it to me.
*Noteworthy because I found this hilarious at the time. Turns out this is a fairly common name, but I did peek before posting to make sure nobody that might be her shows up in the upper-tier Google results.
posted by davejay at 4:57 PM on August 22, 2011
Since the date was so short, I made it to the theater group rehearsal as it was ending, and ran into the friend who hooked us up. She asked how it went, and I said it had been a disaster, a complete train wreck, just awful. My friend was visibly relieved, and said she was so happy I'd felt it had gone badly, because Candy had called her and told her the same thing -- so if I had thought it had gone well, she didn't know how she was going to break it to me.
*Noteworthy because I found this hilarious at the time. Turns out this is a fairly common name, but I did peek before posting to make sure nobody that might be her shows up in the upper-tier Google results.
posted by davejay at 4:57 PM on August 22, 2011
The humiliation is almost physically painful but nevertheless I must point out that Pacey is from Dawson's Creek.
posted by elizardbits at 4:57 PM on August 22, 2011 [16 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 4:57 PM on August 22, 2011 [16 favorites]
What's the etiquette with this? Its always odd to me that I tweet and FB pretty much 24/7, but whenever I go on a bad date or something goes wrong I put the most ambiguous status update, like 'eh, whatever', since whoever I was out with will probably see it and I don't want them to notice.
Mine are all pretty much: "Was going great until she met someone more alpha halfway through the night."
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:04 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Mine are all pretty much: "Was going great until she met someone more alpha halfway through the night."
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:04 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
hmm loads of these describe people inappropriately talking about death. is that a Thing?
There's the scene in Annie Hall (I think) where Woody Allen talks about The Denial of Death. I try not to do that, but I've probably slipped into it once or twice.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:05 PM on August 22, 2011
There's the scene in Annie Hall (I think) where Woody Allen talks about The Denial of Death. I try not to do that, but I've probably slipped into it once or twice.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:05 PM on August 22, 2011
Oh jeez. The humiliation is mine! All mine.
posted by grapesaresour at 5:06 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by grapesaresour at 5:06 PM on August 22, 2011
I went on a date once with a woman who showed me 25 photos she'd taken of Sylvia Plath's grave as a conversation opener.
I WANT TO MARRY THIS WOMAN
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:06 PM on August 22, 2011
I WANT TO MARRY THIS WOMAN
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:06 PM on August 22, 2011
hah! the septics dictionary. I'd never heard that term of slang (septic?) before... and its not defined in the dictionary...
'septic' often gets shortened to 'seppo'. In my case, its usually preceded by 'shut up, you bloody'
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:10 PM on August 22, 2011
'septic' often gets shortened to 'seppo'. In my case, its usually preceded by 'shut up, you bloody'
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:10 PM on August 22, 2011
My mate had a date with a man who did oil paintings. Which would have been OK, but they were ALL of the cast of 'The OC'.
This is like the mom in Bridesmaids. That makes it awesome.
posted by sweetkid at 5:12 PM on August 22, 2011
This is like the mom in Bridesmaids. That makes it awesome.
posted by sweetkid at 5:12 PM on August 22, 2011
First date, girl turned up with three friends and suggested we go swimming. It was 10pm in the middle of Liverpool. I went home.this sounds like the beginning of a really great date...
posted by ennui.bz at 5:15 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
"met a bloke for what was supposed to be lunch. He told me he didn't like what I was wearing and said I should go home and change"
"first date. asked my age. Me: "32, why?" Him: "Well, I really want kids and at 32, your ovaries are dying.""
"I was once scolded in all seriousness and forced to eat ALL my vegetables on a first date. Awkward."
Wow. Some people are just mean. This is one of the reasons why I sort of dislike the dynamic of going on formal "dates": because you end up in this liminal state where you're basically strangers to each other but at the same time hold the expectation of much greater intimacy ahead.
So there's always the risk of someone taking too much advantage of this possible intimacy and imposing themselves on you in a way that most people would only allow very close friends or relatives to do so.
posted by adso at 5:30 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
"first date. asked my age. Me: "32, why?" Him: "Well, I really want kids and at 32, your ovaries are dying.""
"I was once scolded in all seriousness and forced to eat ALL my vegetables on a first date. Awkward."
Wow. Some people are just mean. This is one of the reasons why I sort of dislike the dynamic of going on formal "dates": because you end up in this liminal state where you're basically strangers to each other but at the same time hold the expectation of much greater intimacy ahead.
So there's always the risk of someone taking too much advantage of this possible intimacy and imposing themselves on you in a way that most people would only allow very close friends or relatives to do so.
posted by adso at 5:30 PM on August 22, 2011 [5 favorites]
Well back when I was younger and more of a dick I once ended a date by saying "I'm sory, I'm bored out of my mind" thanked them for their time, picked up the check and left.
I regret how I handled it but seriously, he was boring.
posted by The Whelk at 5:37 PM on August 22, 2011
I regret how I handled it but seriously, he was boring.
posted by The Whelk at 5:37 PM on August 22, 2011
Dude, that's mean. At least you paid.
posted by sweetkid at 5:53 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by sweetkid at 5:53 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
I have regrets! Plus if I mentioned all the bad dates it would just turn into The Whelk Used To Be A Dick When He Was 20.
posted by The Whelk at 6:03 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 6:03 PM on August 22, 2011 [4 favorites]
Yeah, I was a dick too. Once I ended a date by pointing at her drink and say "I'm sorry, but both that, and the stuff I put in it, were very expensive, and you haven't touched them. I am leaving!" Joke was on me though: she'd switched the glasses around. Man, that was a bus ride home, I'll tell you now.
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:26 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:26 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
*saying
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:27 PM on August 22, 2011
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:27 PM on August 22, 2011
"I'm worried that some of these are my dad.
posted by abcde"
Hardest I have laughed in a long time.
posted by 4ster at 7:31 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by abcde"
Hardest I have laughed in a long time.
posted by 4ster at 7:31 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
"I met a girl who told me she had a gastric band. Later I came back from the toilet to find her crying and both of our desserts gone."
Almost suspiciously neat but it's great either way.
posted by MUD at 7:37 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
Almost suspiciously neat but it's great either way.
posted by MUD at 7:37 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
The Whelk Used To Be A Dick When He Was 20 is a decent concept for a Tumblr blog. Just sayin'...
posted by Harald74 at 12:24 AM on August 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Harald74 at 12:24 AM on August 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
Stared inappropriately. Made awkward small talk. Had a distinct body odor that, while not offensive, was still pungent. Seemed utterly incompetent at picking up social cues. Never called afterwards.
Wait, this is supposed to be my description of my date's behavior? I think I got it backwards...
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:49 AM on August 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Wait, this is supposed to be my description of my date's behavior? I think I got it backwards...
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:49 AM on August 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
We went on a hike in the woods, he killed a bunch of tadpoles and farted when he tried to pull a stick out of some mud.
This made me laugh uncontrollably for a while.
This has helped me appreciate the 140 character limit. Succinct descriptions of what the fuck moments are great.
posted by h00py at 6:12 AM on August 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
This made me laugh uncontrollably for a while.
This has helped me appreciate the 140 character limit. Succinct descriptions of what the fuck moments are great.
posted by h00py at 6:12 AM on August 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think that either view point is equally valid if condensed down to the very essence of its awfulness.
posted by h00py at 6:13 AM on August 23, 2011
posted by h00py at 6:13 AM on August 23, 2011
The humiliation is almost physically painful but nevertheless I must point out that Pacey is from Dawson's Creek.
Nothing wrong with loving Pacey. (Fuck Dawson though. Seriously.)
posted by kmz at 9:41 AM on August 23, 2011
Nothing wrong with loving Pacey. (Fuck Dawson though. Seriously.)
posted by kmz at 9:41 AM on August 23, 2011
Oh, I like: wasn't a 1st date - once escaped from a morning after situation by joining an animal rights march shouting 'this is important to me
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:53 AM on August 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:53 AM on August 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
Mine was when she told me the sex was great but her heart belonged to Satan.
posted by I love you more when I eat paint chips at 6:46 PM on August 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by I love you more when I eat paint chips at 6:46 PM on August 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Almost makes me wish I'd gone on more than a small handful of dates. Mine were all almost entirely unremarkable.
I only ever have luck with women I already know as friends, anyway.
And this thread makes it clear that we need a site where people can set up their bad dates with other folks. "This person is really nice, just not for me. Do you like photos of servers?"
posted by Eideteker at 9:28 AM on August 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
I only ever have luck with women I already know as friends, anyway.
And this thread makes it clear that we need a site where people can set up their bad dates with other folks. "This person is really nice, just not for me. Do you like photos of servers?"
posted by Eideteker at 9:28 AM on August 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
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posted by lackadaisical at 1:15 PM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]