A Very Special Episode

August 29, 2011 5:12 PM

Officially canceled: Former Baywatch star and 1995 Playmate Donna D'errico's quest for Noah's Ark (video).
posted by hermitosis (52 comments total)

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posted by 2bucksplus at 5:17 PM on August 29, 2011

BUT WE COULD HAVE LEARNED THE TRUTH!
posted by cmoj at 5:19 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

Thank goodness! I had meant to email her and tell her I'd moved it and I kept putting it off.
posted by dobbs at 5:21 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Has she considered a North Pole expedition to find the elusive Santa's Workshop?
posted by 0xFCAF at 5:23 PM on August 29, 2011 [17 favorites]

WHO IS KAREN ALLEN NOW!
posted by clavdivs at 5:24 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Well death threats are no fun, but who would bother? I'm a little perplexed as to who feels threatened by this.
posted by GuyZero at 5:27 PM on August 29, 2011

She's pretty so we have to pay attention to her.
posted by ranchocalamari at 5:29 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

Aol News: "According to legend, the ark is located on Mount Ararat, a snow-capped, dormant volcanic cone in the easternmost part of Turkey that has two peaks: Greater Ararat, with an elevation of 16,854 feet, and Lesser Ararat, which is 12,782 feet above sea level."

Wikipedia: "Mount Ararat is a snow-capped, dormant volcanic cone in Turkey. It has two peaks: Greater Ararat (the tallest peak in Turkey, and the entire Armenian plateau with an elevation of 5,137 m/16,854 ft) and Lesser Ararat (with an elevation of 3,896 m/12,782 ft)."

Way to copy and paste, AOL News.
posted by dunkadunc at 5:30 PM on August 29, 2011 [7 favorites]

Once again, Satan has scuttled an expedition that would prove, once and for all, that the flood was a historical event. How many could have been saved by Ms. D'Errico? I hope some other brave crusader steps forward to take on the forces of darkness.
posted by Crotalus at 5:32 PM on August 29, 2011

Well death threats are no fun, but who would bother? I'm a little perplexed as to who feels threatened by this.

There is such a long history of Expeditions To Find The Ark doing lots of fundraising, accruing lots of money, then... not actually going... and for such a long list of different (but usually conspiracy-fodder) reasons, that at this point, it wouldn't surprise me if the death threats were just part of the performance/business/whatever it is.
posted by -harlequin- at 5:33 PM on August 29, 2011 [4 favorites]

Let me be clear, I definitely think the world needs more Questing! And people should totally chase their childhood dreams - doubly so if a Quest is involved! But looking for the ark... there's too many con-men in that pool - the water is dirty :-/
posted by -harlequin- at 5:40 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

That's just a Baby Ruth bar.
posted by hermitosis at 5:40 PM on August 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

We should send her a consolation prize.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:41 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

something something two peaks Baywatch Playmate something
posted by Ron Thanagar at 5:42 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

This was a thing?
posted by IvoShandor at 5:50 PM on August 29, 2011

I wonder if I could interest her in buying a set of my special ark-finding binoculars? The lens caps are permanently sealed on so that you can't see anything, but if you pray hard enough, they will point directly at the location of the ark. 100% guaranteed!
posted by perhapses at 5:51 PM on August 29, 2011

wait, the video of her climbing instructions....pretty darn clever, besides who would want to scale those mounds because one short fell stroke could widen any crack in the ice...
posted by clavdivs at 5:51 PM on August 29, 2011

Oh, Donna, to find Noah's Arc, you don't have to climb a mountain. Just look into your heart. You'll find it there.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:56 PM on August 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

Her dream since childhood was to find Noah's Ark? I guess the Baywatch and Playboy things were just hobbies.
posted by DU at 6:05 PM on August 29, 2011

From her wikipedia entry: D'Errico had a starring role on the television series Baywatch. She was also a host of the show Battlebots..

Oh if only she would use her powers for good instead of evil. The world needs robots tearing each other to shreds for entertainment, far more than it needs another lunatic crusader in the "Holy Lands."
posted by charlie don't surf at 6:06 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

There seems to be no end to this onslaught of really stupid American celebrity wannabees.
posted by weezy at 6:11 PM on August 29, 2011

Oh, Donna, to find Noah's Arc, you don't have to climb a mountain. Just look into your heart. You'll find it there.

This is my next tattoo!
posted by ian1977 at 6:15 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

I dunno. If she were doing this because she, like, Found God or some other such bull-quackery, then whatever. One point for civilization.

But after reading more, it doesn't sound like a specifically religious quest; it's almost more of a passion for historically relevant discovery. Like Indiana Jones. And sorry, I don't care how much built-in hate I'm supposed to have because she's a Pretty Girl™ but the fact remains that I simply cannot begrudge someone that wants to be Indiana Jones. It's just not in me. You want to be Doctor Jones, you go fucking climb that shit and go find that ship and the best of luck to you.

That's how I see it, anyway.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:19 PM on August 29, 2011 [14 favorites]

Indiana Jones does research based on actual facts (in the universe of the movie) before setting out.

Bibles stories are not actual facts.
posted by DU at 6:22 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

"...it's ...more of a passion for historically relevant discovery. Like Indiana Jones."

So, like, fiction?
posted by Floydd at 6:24 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

Indiana Jones found the (Biblical) Ark of the Covenant and the (Christian legend) Holy Grail. A quest for Noah's Ark would have fit right in. In fact, I had that book when I was a kid. Indiana Jones and the Genesis Deluge, or something like that.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 6:37 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

Indiana Jones eats death threats for breakfast.
posted by -harlequin- at 6:38 PM on August 29, 2011 [7 favorites]

We called the dog Donna.
posted by stevil at 6:47 PM on August 29, 2011 [10 favorites]

As a dude who graduated from an all-male Catholic high school in 1995, I knew I recognized her name from somewhere. A somewhere that was not, ah, Baywatch.
posted by joe lisboa at 6:52 PM on August 29, 2011

She might have better luck if she searches in Kentucky.
posted by perhapses at 6:56 PM on August 29, 2011

Oh, Donna, to find Noah's Arc, you don't have to climb a mountain. Just look into your heart. You'll find it there.

Oh, god. I'm sorry to hear that. That is going to be one hell of a bypass surgery.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 7:04 PM on August 29, 2011

I want to hear the Hoff's opinion on all this.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:57 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

A Penthouse shoot on Noah's Ark, now that would be a thing.
posted by the noob at 8:09 PM on August 29, 2011

Silly, you can find Noah's Arc in the bargain bin of your local gay video retailer.
posted by munchingzombie at 8:23 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

So this is a post about something not happening? Fascinating.
posted by rocket88 at 8:30 PM on August 29, 2011

"...another lunatic crusader in the "Holy Lands.""

Turkey is the Holy Land now? I learn something new every day.
posted by joannemullen at 9:17 PM on August 29, 2011

"Noah's Ark" is an anagram for "Oh, a snark." That is all.
posted by kimota at 9:40 PM on August 29, 2011 [4 favorites]

Great, now maybe I can find investors for my quest to the local Italian restaurant to find (and devour) the flying spaghetti monster.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 9:47 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Just google it. They have a website.
posted by dhartung at 10:11 PM on August 29, 2011

something something two peaks Baywatch Playmate something

OMG! That totally made me think about 'breasts' -- ha!


She might have better luck if she searches in Kentucky.

OMG! That totally made me think about 'breasts' -- ha!


Just google it. They have a website.

OMG! That totally made me think about ...
posted by mazola at 10:19 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

1. A while back there was an interesting geology / geography piece about the flooding of the Black Sea... in recent prehistory the place was sealed at the Dardanelles, and then one day *poof*, here comes the Mediterranean.

2. There is something really sad about the Armenians not owning Ararat, but seeing it just across the border. It's on their flag. Their quest for the Holy Mountain came this close, if only they could get one more culture pop out of Yerevan... but too late, the Americans have the domination victory in the bag.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:43 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

If celebrities have to have causes, I'll take thousands of them failing in their quest for imaginary biblical artifacts over a single "don't vaccinate your kid" numbskull.
posted by maxwelton at 11:18 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is really strange. Exactly this kind of event happens in Julian Barnes' "A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters". It's a great book, by the way.
posted by Grimp0teuthis at 11:33 PM on August 29, 2011

Oh if only she would use her powers for good instead of evil. The world needs robots tearing each other to shreds for entertainment, far more than it needs another lunatic crusader in the "Holy Lands."

What about robot crusaders?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 11:41 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was ready to give her the benefit of the doubt until I learned that she was married to Nikki Sixx.
posted by readyfreddy at 1:12 AM on August 30, 2011

Just look into your heart.

I could look at her heart all day.

Giggety giggety.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:48 AM on August 30, 2011 [1 favorite]

Way to copy and paste, AOL News.

No, no, it's ok because they ripped off The Wall Street Journal's design, so they're a serious news organization.
posted by yerfatma at 6:08 AM on August 30, 2011

it's almost more of a passion for historically relevant discovery. Like Indiana Jones.

And I'd much rather have this; someone trying and failing to find historical relevance, even if it is tied to some religious story, than another episode of Ghost Hunters or whatever other supernatural bullshit that is being sold as real.

At least with the ruins of an old boat they could say, "Well, it's not the ark, but it's still a fascinating find," and have me agreeing with them.
posted by quin at 7:32 AM on August 30, 2011

"It's probably best she leaves the treasure hunting to the experts ... like Indiana Jones or The Goonies."

I know it's TMZ but it would be nice if somebody there knew the difference between Noah's Ark and the Ark of the Covenant.
posted by bonobothegreat at 9:34 AM on August 30, 2011

Like Indiana Jones. And sorry, I don't care how much built-in hate I'm supposed to have because she's a Pretty Girl™ but the fact remains that I simply cannot begrudge someone that wants to be Indiana Jones. It's just not in me. You want to be Doctor Jones, you go fucking climb that shit and go find that ship and the best of luck to you.

She really needs to sell it, though. Like, grit her teeth, rasp "It belongs ... in a museum!" and punch a dude-type sell it.
posted by Amanojaku at 11:51 AM on August 30, 2011

charlie don't surf: "She was also a host of the show Battlebots."

Yes. I distinctly recall the show starting to suck right about the time the show went from "half hour of robots smashing each other, and a little about the crazy people who built them" to "half hour of model with big boobs hanging out in front of the camera. Oh and also here are 3 seconds of robots."

I mean, seriously. There are any number of shows featuring boobs. But there were not many shows about robots smashing each other. That's what I tuned in for, and it was fun while it lasted. Adding boobs to a show just to add boobs is dumb, sexist, and a bad idea for everyone.

(If you don't understand what I mean, reference Mythbusters as an example of how to have a woman on your show without having said woman be nothing more than a blatant attempt at using eye candy to attract viewers. Also Grant Imahara has been on both shows referenced so I'm sure he would totally understand me here.)
posted by caution live frogs at 1:02 PM on August 30, 2011

Yes clf, I totally agree, but I'd gladly take the 3 seconds of robots rather than the current zero seconds of robots. BTW I stopped watching Mythbusters about the time they brought Kari on full time, because I thought it was such blatant pandering. I think what killed BattleBots and forced them to use lots of filler was 30 second matches against flimsy robots like Grant Imahara's Deadblow, that could be killed with one hit.
posted by charlie don't surf at 2:00 PM on August 30, 2011