Something Foul Is Afoot
August 31, 2011 8:27 AM Subscribe

Human foot washes up on beach near Vancouver for 11th time in four years Previously - The DNA matchup - previously again
posted by The Whelk (120 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

Again? The investigation into the source of these feet must be running in circles.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:28 AM on August 31, 2011 [19 favorites]

Clearly an archnemisis at work.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:28 AM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

So what you're saying is that there's still a missing foot out there?
posted by Fizz at 8:29 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

O HAI I can't spel.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:29 AM on August 31, 2011

Haha. Let the feet puns begin (or rather continue).

Seriously though, this is kind of creepy.
posted by Fister Roboto at 8:30 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Not this mishegas again.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:31 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

I blame Rex Ryan.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:33 AM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

Let me just reiterate what I said previously:

“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one severed foot in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, "What?"
posted by Floydd at 8:33 AM on August 31, 2011 [48 favorites]

scarabic is getting sloppy with his work. And also moved to BC.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 8:33 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

I think today is the day that I stop reading news articles on the web that lead off with stock images. This one and the post about texting teens to get them to lose weight seem particularly vapid. I think I'm done.
posted by penduluum at 8:36 AM on August 31, 2011

Haha. Let the feet puns begin (or rather continue).

Should be a phalanx of them, I reckon.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:36 AM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

The game is a foot!
posted by The Violet Cypher at 8:37 AM on August 31, 2011 [9 favorites]

I think this is a serial killer. If it were a natural phenomenon, it would happen elsewhere.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 8:38 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

.
posted by cashman at 8:38 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

L
posted by brain_drain at 8:39 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

They should stop throwing it back in. Tides gotta tide, ya know?
posted by longbaugh at 8:40 AM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

Yeah but just imagine a whole school of disembodied sneaker-laden feet floating around the Pacific Ocean.

CREEPY.
posted by Fister Roboto at 8:41 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

I think this is a serial killer. If it were a natural phenomenon, it would happen elsewhere.

It's probably also a serial killer blowing down houses in the so-called "tornado alley". I suspect a wolf.
posted by DU at 8:41 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Do Vancouver beaches get a lot of random flotsam washing up on shore? Or are flotation-enabled feet disproportionately represented?
posted by rmd1023 at 8:41 AM on August 31, 2011

RCMP spokeswoman Const. Annie Linteau said Friday that matching the feet is only one part of the investigation.

"It's certainly a good step in our investigation," she said

Hey-O!

Ship/plane goes down. All bodies trapped under water. Gradually, thin areas of the body (ankles, wrists, necks) begin to deteriorate and part. Feet encased in buoyant objects float to surface. Currents wash feet ashore.

While this is probably the most likely scenario, I wonder why it's only really been noticed since 2007. Presumably this would have been coming up in the past, too. Maybe a shift in sea currents?
posted by Hoopo at 8:42 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Extreme hokey cokey.
posted by pracowity at 8:43 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

RCMP spokeswoman Const. Annie Linteau said Friday that matching the feet is only one part of the investigation.

"It's certainly a good step in our investigation," she said.

Heh.
posted by likeso at 8:44 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

I wonder why it's only really been noticed since 2007. Presumably this would have been coming up in the past, too.

I was actually imagining a *particular* boat or plane. If they are all starting from the same point, a significant fraction are going to end at the same point. Like rubber duck races.
posted by DU at 8:44 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yeah but just imagine a whole school of disembodied sneaker-laden feet floating around the Pacific Ocean.

Like that Great Pacific Garbage Gyre or whatever, except all feet.
posted by penduluum at 8:44 AM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

Dammit, Hoopo. Now I owe you a coke.
posted by likeso at 8:44 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

OK, haven't we settled this? The Pacific is big. The Pacific coast of Canada is long. There are always lots of bodies in the water. Bodies fall apart or are chewed apart and eaten. Currents carry stuff that floats. Sneakers float and are hard to eat, so feet are found.

But then why aren't shod feet washing up with some regularity, if not the frequency, on other West Coast beaches? I mean, sure, currents etc. But not all currents in the Pacific ocean hit that bit of Canada, which would mean that the source of the feet is probably pretty local. Someone jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge every couple of weeks, and many of the bodies are never recovered, but our beaches are not covered with feet.

On preview:

Do Vancouver beaches get a lot of random flotsam washing up on shore?

Compared to other beaches in the region, I don't know about "a lot," but the beaches in Vancouver that I'm familiar with always have lots of logs washed up on them.

I may have missed it in the previous posts, but are the shoes all of approximately the same vintage?
posted by rtha at 8:44 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Daniel Day Lewis unavailable for comment.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:46 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

The Pacific coast of Canada is long.

Several feet long.
posted by hal9k at 8:47 AM on August 31, 2011 [15 favorites]

But then why aren't shod feet washing up with some regularity, if not the frequency, on other West Coast beaches?

We prayed to save their soles.
posted by hal9k at 8:48 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Ship/plane goes down. All bodies trapped under water. Gradually, thin areas of the body (ankles, wrists, necks) begin to deteriorate and part. Feet encased in buoyant objects float to surface. Currents wash feet ashore.

On the other hand:

...[P]olice said at least three of the feet have been matched with British Columbia men who were reported missing.
posted by nickmark at 8:51 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ship/plane goes down. All bodies trapped under water. Gradually, thin areas of the body (ankles, wrists, necks) begin to deteriorate and part. Feet encased in buoyant objects float to surface. Currents wash feet ashore.

I thought this had already been proven and the source of the feet was a capsized ship in the late 90s carrying Chinese migrants? If so, surely the case is already soleved?
posted by Jehan at 8:52 AM on August 31, 2011

I think we have a Dexter-type situation going on here.
posted by Fister Roboto at 8:52 AM on August 31, 2011

It's almost unimaginable that this would be from an unknown ship or plane wreck. That coastline is over-flown very frequently by the NASP/MART observers looking for distressed vessels, debris, "mystery" fuel spills and the like. There are no known wrecks that match. I think the police are treating this as criminal activity. The speculation I've heard is that this is gang-related, but, as far as I know, none of the victims have been IDed yet.

It's an interesting hyrdrological problem, if nothing else. Backtracking from beach debris is almost impossible, especially since the problem involves not just surface currents, but currents at depth as well (presumably). Where are the shoes coming from? Is it a single source where bodies are being disposed of, or are the bodies being dumped along the coast line?

This isnt the first time running shoes have been involved in current tracking, but it is the most grisly.
posted by bonehead at 8:54 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

We prayed to save their soles.

Pretty sure that pun has been made before, but eyelet it go.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:54 AM on August 31, 2011 [6 favorites]

From the 2008 thread: a map, recently updated with the newest foot.
posted by nickmark at 8:56 AM on August 31, 2011

Seeing as I live a ten minute walk from where the most recent foot was found, I feel I should point out that this one did not wash up near Vancouver, but right downtown, in False Creek.

I figure it's gang related executions, myself.
posted by jokeefe at 8:57 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

BTW, here's another grisly stat for you: the beachcombers who do the current mapping with objects spilled at sea stuff, figure that they only find 1% to 2% of the total objects relased. So...
posted by bonehead at 8:58 AM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

It's just somebody with a whacky sense of humor.
posted by longsleeves at 9:01 AM on August 31, 2011

If they're executions how come they are only finding feet. Where are the other body parts going?
posted by kanata at 9:02 AM on August 31, 2011

If it's a serial killer and some lazy journalist dubs him/her Procrustes, I want at least an acknowledgment. A transfer to my PayPal account wouldn't hurt either, just saying.
posted by Iosephus at 9:04 AM on August 31, 2011

Wait'll The Economist hears about this. It'll drag Vancouver down below Auckland!
posted by Flashman at 9:05 AM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

kanata: The feet are the only part clad in a flotation device. Presumably everything else gets eaten or rots or whatever. I remember seeing (possibly in one of the older threads about this) a video of a pig carcass put out in ocean water and monitored as it gets devoured. The ocean is full of efficient creatures.
posted by rmd1023 at 9:05 AM on August 31, 2011

I figure it's gang related executions, myself.

I dunno, the choice of footwear just seems so...un-gangsta, if that makes any sense.
posted by Hoopo at 9:06 AM on August 31, 2011

Clearly it's a serial killer whose trophy fetish involves keeping only the part of the body above the ankle.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:07 AM on August 31, 2011

Ah. OK. That makes sense. Never thought of shoes as a flotation device.
posted by kanata at 9:07 AM on August 31, 2011

Seriously though, this is kind of creepy.

Only kind of?
posted by kmz at 9:11 AM on August 31, 2011

It's going to be even creepier when the feet stop appearing. Because the only logical explanation will be cannibalism.
posted by DU at 9:14 AM on August 31, 2011

I dunno, the choice of footwear just seems so...un-gangsta, if that makes any sense.

Chuck Taylor's don't float (is that gangsta? I have no idea).
posted by bonehead at 9:15 AM on August 31, 2011

EXPLANATIONS ARRANGED FROM MOST PROBABLE LEAST PROBABLE

Pure coincidence
Accidents, Suicides
Gangland Murders
Serial Killer
Dragon
posted by The Whelk at 9:16 AM on August 31, 2011 [14 favorites]

A good pair of flame-retardant sneakers would stop the dragon's flaming breath from burning the feet, even if the rest of the body was incinerated. Dragons it is.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:18 AM on August 31, 2011 [5 favorites]

Feet encased in buoyant objects float to surface.

Feet *encased* is the critical thing here. The closest thing to armor that many people wear on a daily basis are shoes.
posted by eriko at 9:20 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Meet Up Proposal:
Location: Vancouver
Time: Sept 27th, 1pm
Activity: Dragon slaying
posted by The Whelk at 9:21 AM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

People laugh, but I always tie a sneaker to my head whenever I go boating.

I do remove it for gentle sex.
posted by orme at 9:21 AM on August 31, 2011 [18 favorites]

If it were a natural phenomenon, it would happen elsewhere.

Yes, it would be raining men.
posted by stormpooper at 9:21 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh good, you all found my feet.
posted by TheRedArmy at 9:22 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Why don't Canadians clean their feet in the shower?

Because they just wash up on shore.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 9:23 AM on August 31, 2011 [34 favorites]

Dragon

Goddam you.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:27 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

But then why aren't shod feet washing up with some regularity, if not the frequency, on other West Coast beaches?

Maybe because here in the US, gangsters pay the courtesy of fitting their victims with cement overshoes? It helps contain the mess.
posted by rtimmel at 9:28 AM on August 31, 2011

That reminds me of that time when I thought I made out with Jake Gyllenhaal but it turned out it was Jared Leto.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:28 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Cadborosaurus
They called it Hiachuckaluk, and it was known to swim in the waters of the Straight of Georgia.

Many witnesses have described the creature as being from fifteen to a hundred feet long. Caddy appears serpent-like with a head and long neck similar to that of a large horse. The snout turns down, and there are no discernible ears. Some descriptions include a long beard and whiskers. It might have hair or a mane on the neck and tail. The skin color ranges from blackish-blue to gray-brown. Some reports include bulging black eyes, rows of teeth, long fangs, and a snake-like tongue. With humps on the back, spikes or large webbed hind flippers near the tail, and small flippers toward the front, it seems to have the ability to propel itself forward with amazing speed and strength.
(source)

I saw Caddy! Interview with eyewitness from 1956.
posted by bonehead at 9:31 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Seeing as I live a ten minute walk from where the most recent foot was found

Ten minutes for you, maybe. I can think of about eleven people who are going to need some extra time.
posted by nickmark at 9:33 AM on August 31, 2011 [7 favorites]

Clearly it's a serial killer whose trophy fetish involves keeping only the part of the body above the ankle.

Let the war on antipediphiles begin.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:35 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

That reminds me of that time when I thought I made out with Jake Gyllenhaal but it turned out it was Jared Leto.

That's better than the time I thought I made out with Jared Leto and it was Jay Leno.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 9:36 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

You'd think I would be able to tell the difference, right?
posted by shakespeherian at 9:38 AM on August 31, 2011

Still better than when I thought I made out with Jay Leno and it was Ray Jay Johnson with a Lenovo.
posted by DU at 9:38 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

I wonder why it's only really been noticed since 2007.

Increased use of air-cushion soled shoes with more robust buoyancy than before? 2007 seems pretty late in the game however. Maybe a change in inshore current patterns. Hmm.
posted by zomg at 9:43 AM on August 31, 2011

"It's certainly a good step in our investigation," she said.

Yeah, but who's footing the bill?
posted by Gelatin at 9:53 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ok, how many times do I have to tell you shitheads? Don't just wrap the stool pigeon in chains before you dump him in the chuck, yahearme? Use chicken wire first. Also, how many times have I said to take off their fucking shoes?
posted by [expletive deleted] at 10:03 AM on August 31, 2011

If indeed a foot has washed up for the 11th time, this suggests a shocking lack of evidence control on the part of the law enforcement authorities who took it into evidence the last ten times.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:05 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

kiri kiri kiri kiri kiri
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:12 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

DU: Ship/plane goes down. All bodies trapped under water. Gradually, thin areas of the body (ankles, wrists, necks) begin to deteriorate and part. Feet encased in buoyant objects float to surface. Currents wash feet ashore.

I find this explanation appealing, but how much actual flesh is left on a human body that's been submerged in the ocean for years? Wouldn't the bones be picked pretty clean in short order?
posted by Western Infidels at 10:16 AM on August 31, 2011

Remember (Hopping in the sand)
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 10:31 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

I find this explanation appealing,

Yeah but the feet have been matched to three people reported missing...

...unless they all signed up and absconded without telling their loved ones on some Doomed Cruise in the most complex and elaborate suicide pact ever.
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Police have no theories as to how the foot ended up in the water - but have not suggested that foul play is suspected.

NOPE. Pefectly natural, human body parts washing up on the beach. We used to collect 'em in a bucket when we were kids. NOTHING SUSPICIOUS AT ALL.

Must be News of the World whistleblowers.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:35 AM on August 31, 2011

DU: Ship/plane goes down. All bodies trapped under water. Gradually, thin areas of the body (ankles, wrists, necks) begin to deteriorate and part. Feet encased in buoyant objects float to surface. Currents wash feet ashore.

All the feet except one on that map are between Vancouver Island and the mainland. Why aren't they washing up on the west coast of Vancouver Island? Downed planes or shipwrecks between VI and the mainland would be noticed and remembered.

Down in L.A., gangs hang them from telephone wires.
posted by carping demon at 10:40 AM on August 31, 2011

I am not a detective, but how hard can it be to look for an eleven-footed missing person?
posted by NationalKato at 10:41 AM on August 31, 2011 [4 favorites]

Clearly, what we have here is...

*Puts on sunglasses*

a soleless serial killer.

(YEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH)
posted by never used baby shoes at 10:48 AM on August 31, 2011 [8 favorites]

I am thinking that if this is a natural consequence of suicides, drowning, transportation disasters, and so on, that there would be feet washing up in various places all over the world.

Is that the case? I understand that uniform distributions of pelagic severed feet might wind up concentrated in certain landfall areas. But it seems logical that these would be known around the world by now. Or do all the world's floating feet wind up in British Columbia? And only in the last decade or so?

I suspect foul play is afoot. But I am just an armchair gumshoe.
posted by Xoebe at 10:57 AM on August 31, 2011

These foot jokes are getting rather pedestrian.
posted by MikeHoegeman at 10:58 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Why, oh why, do I always read the second page post title *after* I post? /facepalm
posted by Xoebe at 10:58 AM on August 31, 2011

/footpalm
posted by shakespeherian at 11:12 AM on August 31, 2011

The marketing people at Dr. Scholls have some explaining to do.
posted by The Whelk at 11:17 AM on August 31, 2011

I think the victims are all still alive, trapped in some basement somewhere unable to run away due to their missing limbs.

(I watch too many movies.)
posted by cazoo at 11:19 AM on August 31, 2011

We're saying these are catalectic feet, then?
posted by thomas j wise at 11:26 AM on August 31, 2011

I don't mean to be a pedant and the abundance of puns here have been a mean feat, but I do feel that we are missing something. There's a clear imbalance here and we can't walk circles around it anymore. Sooner or later the other shoe is going to drop. We need to buckle down and figure this mess out. I'm not sold on the explanations the amateur gumshoes have provided and I think we need to pound the pavement to get our own answers. We need some shoe-leather reporting and we need to come out of this landing on both feet.
posted by haveanicesummer at 11:30 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

stop tip-toeing around the subject.
posted by The Whelk at 11:31 AM on August 31, 2011

There is a theory (based on the date of manufacture of the footwear) that these are from the 2004 Tsunami, strangely enough. (see Lambert) It is very, very odd.
posted by jeanmari at 11:43 AM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

"the pair of male feet matched on July 10 and a remaining right foot are ongoing,"

BUT WHERE ARE THEY GOING?

"An ID was confirmed on the right foot found on Aug. 20, 2007, at Jedediah Island near Parksville but was withheld..."

"Excuse me, but don't take another step. We have some questions..."

"The RCMP have said that size 11 shoe does not fit with any of those found on the feet in B.C."

Worst Cinderella story ever.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:49 AM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

My money's on a Robert Pickton of the Sea.
posted by benzenedream at 11:52 AM on August 31, 2011

Feet and dismemberment? This sounds like a Quentin Tarantino movie.
posted by DiscountDeity at 11:53 AM on August 31, 2011

It's been awhile, so...

I, for one, welcome our new dismembered-foot overlords!
posted by StrangerInAStrainedLand at 11:56 AM on August 31, 2011

I'd rather it be anything in the world than another Robert Pickton.
posted by kanata at 11:58 AM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Maybe Laura Dern isn't our only hope for bringing David Lynch Back. Maybe we can just show him this article.
posted by Rinku at 12:03 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

pracowity: "OK, haven't we settled this? The Pacific is big. The Pacific coast of Canada is long."
DU: "Ship/plane goes down. All bodies trapped under water. Gradually, thin areas of the body (ankles, wrists, necks) begin to deteriorate and part. Feet encased in buoyant objects float to surface. Currents wash feet ashore."
Jehan: " I thought this had already been proven and the source of the feet was a capsized ship in the late 90s carrying Chinese migrants? If so, surely the case is already soleved?"
jeanmari: "There is a theory (based on the date of manufacture of the footwear) that these are from the 2004 Tsunami, strangely enough."

According to the article (if you had read it), at least three of the feet have been identified.One was matched to a man who was reported missing and described as depressed and it's assumed he committed suicide. Two others were identified as from a Surrey resident who went missing in 2004. They have no evidence (creepy beach feet aside) that his death involved foul play.
posted by Plutor at 12:10 PM on August 31, 2011

[A few comments removed. Maybe let's skip the throwaway rape joke argument stuff.]
posted by cortex at 12:25 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

I hope they don't run out of leads
posted by Renoroc at 1:05 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Many witnesses have described the creature as being from fifteen to a hundred feet long

I suppose it depends on how many of its feet have washed up on shore.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 1:44 PM on August 31, 2011

Dolphins hate us for our feet.
posted by Free word order! at 1:45 PM on August 31, 2011

I should have been a pair of ragged soles
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
posted by effluvia at 2:04 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

Looks more like 9 or 10 inches.
posted by doublehappy at 2:14 PM on August 31, 2011

I don't see how "died on a ship/plane" is inconsistent with "was reported missing".
posted by DU at 2:26 PM on August 31, 2011

To lose one foot may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose eleven looks like carelessness.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:32 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's obvious that there's a sole source here.
posted by Quonab at 2:33 PM on August 31, 2011

The police will figure it out, come heel or high water.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:38 PM on August 31, 2011

"To lose one foot may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose eleven looks like carelessness."

Indeed. One foot too many for iambic pentameter, one short a pair of dactylic hexameters. These careless feet ain't got no rhythm.
posted by iamkimiam at 3:00 PM on August 31, 2011 [3 favorites]

Shipping containers full of severed feet are a standard experimental tool used by oceanographers.

The procedure is simple: drop a single shipping container off the side of a boat into the mid-Pacific, and then use the reported locations of found feet to track ocean surface currents very accurately.

Folk used to use shipping containers of rubber duckies or running shoes, but dropped that tactic because people weren't recording finds properly. But no-one's going to forget to report finding a human foot washed up on the beach.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:15 PM on August 31, 2011 [2 favorites]

something something Footloose.
posted by DaddyNewt at 5:15 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. And this little piggy washed up on a beach in a running shoe.
posted by kinnakeet at 6:22 PM on August 31, 2011

something something Footloose.

cut... foot... loose... (uh-o-o-oo!)
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:34 PM on August 31, 2011

Well, clearly it wasn't I, since I moved from Vancouver Island almost a year ago, so I'm off the hook *phew*

Now, we should all stop these foot puns--they are clearly lame.

[Huh? huh? Anybody?]
posted by 1000monkeys at 6:48 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

1000monkeys writes "Well, clearly it wasn't I, since I moved from Vancouver Island almost a year ago, so I'm off the hook *phew*"

So You're saying you aren't the Dread Pirate Roberts?
posted by Mitheral at 6:56 PM on August 31, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yarrr
posted by 1000monkeys at 7:42 PM on August 31, 2011

You know that old maxim about feeling sorry for yourself because you have no shoes, until you met the man who had no feet? Someone work that into a pun please.
posted by mreleganza at 10:10 PM on August 31, 2011

We'll never solve this. May as well admit defeet now.
posted by night_train at 12:05 AM on September 1, 2011

This is why the fish came out of the sea. (So they could grow feet and ride their bicycles)

Somewhere, a man with shoes wishes he had a ride to the beach.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:06 AM on September 1, 2011

When I was in elementary school, we used to do a Balloon Launch, where every kid would write a letter, tie it to a balloon, and release it. I think one kid ever got an actual letter back. They stopped doing this when someone pointed out that it probably wasn't the best idea, environmentally.

School administrators on Vancouver Island however loved the idea, but they knew they couldn't use balloons anymore, so one day....
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 7:31 AM on September 1, 2011

As usual, The Shaggs were out ahead of this.
posted by Danf at 8:06 AM on September 1, 2011 [1 favorite]

Forensics Report
posted by The Whelk at 1:35 PM on September 4, 2011

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