Instant Fall TV Lineup Generator

September 2, 2011 9:03 AM

He's a leather-clad ninja librarian moving from town to town, helping folk in trouble. She's a beautiful communist femme fatale with someone else's memories. They fight crime!
posted by The Whelk (46 comments total)

I was going to say double, but apparently the URL has migrated. So maybe not?
posted by Rangeboy at 9:04 AM on September 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

It was the strangest double warning I ever got.
posted by The Whelk at 9:06 AM on September 2, 2011

He's a frequent Metafilter poster! He's a keen recognizer of double posts! They fight crime!
posted by Zed at 9:06 AM on September 2, 2011 [19 favorites]

Samuel L Bronkowitz Presents!
posted by travis08 at 9:08 AM on September 2, 2011 [4 favorites]

It's an eight-year old double post! The original link is dead! It's not a crime!
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:09 AM on September 2, 2011 [6 favorites]

Apparently, this crime thing, they fight it?
posted by blue_beetle at 9:12 AM on September 2, 2011

***Adds "keen recognizer of double posts" to resume.***

Can I use you as a reference, Zed?
posted by Rangeboy at 9:12 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

"He's an unconventional hunchbacked paramedic for the 21st century. She's an enchanted Bolivian former first lady who dreams of becoming Elvis. They fight crime!"
posted by Nomyte at 9:12 AM on September 2, 2011

Can I use you as a reference, Zed?

If he assents, you know you have to list it as "Zed said, baby. Zed said."
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:15 AM on September 2, 2011 [7 favorites]

I'm just going to link to the fleshed-out version of the random TV premise I got from this sitcom generator when it was linked on MeFi here. I think AMC could make a decent run at it.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:16 AM on September 2, 2011

I'm sorry, but I won.

He's a notorious guitar-strumming farmboy living undercover at Ringling Bros. Circus. She's a brilliant psychic pearl diver on her way to prison for a murder she didn't commit. They fight crime!
posted by dubitable at 9:16 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is freaking great. Find a way to add cat videos to it and you'll be raking in the dough.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:18 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

"He's an oversexed amnesiac messiah trapped in a world he never made. She's a cold-hearted extravagent femme fatale from Mars. They fight crime!"
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:19 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

***Adds "keen recognizer of double posts" to resume.***

How in the world did you recognize a double from nearly ten years ago before you were even a member?
posted by stroke_count at 9:22 AM on September 2, 2011

I am extremely disappointed that this is not in fact a comic about a leather-clad ninja librarian.
posted by desjardins at 9:28 AM on September 2, 2011 [13 favorites]

How in the world did you recognize a double from nearly ten years ago before you were even a member?

Uh, because I'm awesome?

No, I was a committed lurker for five or six years before I joined, and I knew I'd seen this ages ago. So I knew there was at least a 80-90% chance I'd seen it here.
posted by Rangeboy at 9:31 AM on September 2, 2011

I'm sorry, but it's "together, they fight crime!"
posted by The Tensor at 9:45 AM on September 2, 2011 [4 favorites]

Tensor is right.
posted by adamrice at 9:46 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

...messiah trapped in a world he never made.

Poignant.
posted by odinsdream at 9:53 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

He's a talented green entertainer raised in a swamp by frogs, she's a blonde beauty pageant-winning karate expert. Together they fight crime?
posted by blue_beetle at 9:54 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

He's an unconventional amnesiac messiah on the wrong side of the law. She's a cynical nymphomaniac fairy princess with the power to bend men's minds. They fight crime!
posted by Salvor Hardin at 9:59 AM on September 2, 2011

The Tensor is so right that now it's ruined for me.
posted by not that girl at 10:33 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

I know the guys who made this! If anyone's interested, here's why it moved: Alasdair's journal
posted by FritoKAL at 10:33 AM on September 2, 2011

There's a great game or two in there.
"He's a fast talking pirate grifter whom everyone believes is mad. She's a vivacious gold-digging barmaid who don't take no shit from nobody. They fight crime!"
Easy, Johnny Sparrow and Willie Scott. Next!
"He's a scrappy misogynist card sharp from the Mississippi delta. She's a manipulative tempestuous nun from a different time and place. They fight crime!"
Uh, um, maybe I'm not nerdy enough for this.
posted by hat_eater at 10:34 AM on September 2, 2011

And calling Jack Sparrow Johnny Sparrow was an intentional in-joke.
posted by hat_eater at 10:37 AM on September 2, 2011

I'm a police detective being treated for multiple personality disorder. I'm a mental patient who sometimes thinks he's a police detective. I fight crime!
posted by gauche at 10:37 AM on September 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

He's a short-sighted Catholic dwarf with nothing left to lose. She's a cold-hearted paranoid mechanic with an evil twin sister. They fight crime!

Can someone write the pilot episode for this one?
posted by ennui.bz at 10:47 AM on September 2, 2011

He's a scrappy misogynist card sharp from the Mississippi delta. She's a manipulative tempestuous nun from a different time and place. They fight crime!

Bat Lash and Maria Von Trapp.
posted by Zed at 10:50 AM on September 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

He's a Nobel prize-winning zombie astronaut with a robot buddy named Sparky. She's a blind junkie nun from a secret island of warrior women. They fight crime!

Yes.
posted by brundlefly at 11:03 AM on September 2, 2011

He's an oversexed arachnophobic grifter She's a hard-bitten antique-collecting single mother with an evil twin sister. They fight crime!

I think I've seen this. Maybe on the WB, back in the day.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:15 AM on September 2, 2011

He's a fiendish playboy grifter who hangs with the wrong crowd. She's a mentally unstable nymphomaniac lawyer on the trail of a serial killer. They fight crime!

This sounds awesome.
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:19 AM on September 2, 2011

He's an ungodly amnesiac hairdresser whom everyone believes is mad. She's a beautiful paranoid opera singer in the witness protection scheme. They fight crime!
posted by torisaur at 11:21 AM on September 2, 2011

Shouldn't it be "together they fight crime"?
posted by milkwood at 12:02 PM on September 2, 2011

I'm a police detective being treated for multiple personality disorder. I'm a mental patient who sometimes thinks he's a police detective. I fight crime!

See what I mean? This already-funny variant would be even funnier if it ended, "Together, I fight crime!"
posted by The Tensor at 12:02 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

Nowi if it could just make palindromes...
posted by mmrtnt at 12:12 PM on September 2, 2011

Warnes Starcoat owes me 500 tillion for the Ambretti job.
Mages don't like thier spell books snaffled and his penchant for hiding in the Tap room is putting a serious hurt on my illusionary resources.

5000 platnum to the person who gets me a sphere of annihilation, 1000 extra for the talisman.
posted by clavdivs at 1:08 PM on September 2, 2011

Metafilter: They fight crime!
posted by finite at 3:43 PM on September 2, 2011

He's an immortal moralistic ex-con searching for his wife's killer. She's a feisty tomboy doctor with a knack for trouble. They fight crime!

This is so nearly the plot to Blade it's not funny. In fact, the more I look, the more I suspect I've already watched.
posted by ninazer0 at 4:23 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

Together, said the Tensor.
posted by stebulus at 4:52 PM on September 2, 2011

it's a fun writing exercise... (the following was not computer-generated)

He's a red-headed internet troll with a complete collection of Weird Al bootlegs, a room full of high-end Apple equipment and Mathowie's celphone number. She's a lesbian librarian with an un-ironic ten-speed bicycle, a perfect attendance record at ComicCon and a pet capybara. Together, they ghost-write books for Republican presidential candidates.

He's a stage hand for the Conan O'Brien show and the only male member of a Roller Derby team. She's a designer for Mattel Toys who has five acres of broccoli growing behind her house. Together, they sell antiques on eBay.

He's a dead ringer for David Duchovny who bags groceries at Trader Joes and posts 30 times a day on Reddit. She's an unemployed aerospace assembly worker with a Realtor's license, a grown son in Israel who isn't Jewish and a mole on her left knee. Together, they go to Disneyland three times a year.

He's a 72-year-old retired Bond Trader with diabetes and a twitch. She's a video game tester having a secret affair with a white NBA player. Together, they've never met.*

posted by oneswellfoop at 5:07 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

He's an ethnic haiku-writing mathematician who's always hungry for pork chops. She's a patriotic teenage skeptic who can't find her keys. They have blogs!.
posted by gleuschk at 6:48 PM on September 2, 2011

odinsdream: "Trapped in a world he never made" was the tagline of Howard The Duck.
posted by murphy slaw at 8:01 PM on September 2, 2011

posted by hat_eater

You know what you have to do now, right?
posted by obiwanwasabi at 6:18 AM on September 3, 2011

He's a maverick small-town vagrant who hangs with the wrong crowd. She's a provocative streetsmart bodyguard descended from a line of powerful witches. They fight crime!

I swore I actually watched this once.

He's a hate-fuelled gay sorceror on his last day in the job. She's a plucky renegade snake charmer from beyond the grave They fight crime!

He's a witless alcoholic senator who knows the secret of the alien invasion. She's a vivacious cat-loving former first lady with a song in her heart and a spring in her step. They fight crime!

Can these be on right after each other please?
posted by The Whelk at 8:57 AM on September 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

But, can they get along as roommates?
posted by Apocryphon at 12:22 AM on September 4, 2011

You know what you have to do now, right?

Pass the ketchup.
posted by hat_eater at 12:18 PM on September 4, 2011