Look Out! Miss Peru Is Armed!

September 9, 2011 4:30 PM

It's that time of year again, time to witness of the parade of sartorial excess that is The Miss Universe 2011 National Costumes! (previously) (via)
posted by The Whelk (241 comments total)

Re: Ms. Canada: Are the re-forming Alpha Flight?

No? Then take off that horrific costume.
posted by GuyZero at 4:35 PM on September 9, 2011 [8 favorites]

It's like the Eurovision of dress design.

I'm voting for anything that has wing-like structures. Aruba, Bahamas, Bolivia, etc...

But not Cayman Islands.
posted by hippybear at 4:36 PM on September 9, 2011

holy shit Miss Chile is dressed as a miner


I did not see that coming
posted by the young rope-rider at 4:36 PM on September 9, 2011 [28 favorites]

I don't know if I'll see some of these getups in my dreams or my nightmares tonight. Possibly both.
posted by 2bucksplus at 4:37 PM on September 9, 2011

Dear Miss Tanzania, I look forward to your remake of "Metropolis".
posted by GuyZero at 4:38 PM on September 9, 2011 [10 favorites]

I see that Guam has solved the old mermaid tail-or-feet debate.

Seriously... these are incredible. And I mean, they strain credibility.

(France is a bit predictable, though.)
posted by hippybear at 4:38 PM on September 9, 2011

I'm voting for anything that has wing-like structures.

Even Miss USA? Oh lord.
posted by GuyZero at 4:39 PM on September 9, 2011

I rather liked Miss Chilean Miner. Miss Nigeria and Miss Tanzania are great, and I like the wings contingent as well as the birds (Miss Curacao and Miss Puerto Rico), but some of them? Miss Canada should be ashamed. So, should very different reasons, should Miss USA, and pretty much Miss Everyone Else from Europe with the Exception of Greece. Go all out.
posted by jeather at 4:39 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

[gunn] I have concerns. [/gunn]
posted by Trurl at 4:39 PM on September 9, 2011 [30 favorites]

How peculiar that Puerto Rico and Guam get their own representatives.
posted by hippybear at 4:40 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss Tanzania should be fighting crime in space.
posted by MegoSteve at 4:40 PM on September 9, 2011 [12 favorites]

I kept scrolling down thinking "please no giant american flag, please no giant american flag, please no.. FUCK"

I would I have loved to see the Miss America entrant to be wearing something like a business suit with suspenders, or a men's tuxedo.

The contrast alone would make it stand out.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:40 PM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

Even Miss USA? Oh lord.

Oh, Jebus. I hadn't even gotten that far yet.

That looks like something that would be worn at the end of a bad Busby Berkeley number, maybe one featuring Esther Williams and sparklers which magically rise lit out of the pool. Holy fuck.
posted by hippybear at 4:41 PM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

Dear Miss Tanzania, I look forward to your remake of "Metropolis".

I was going to say "Mad Max unicorn", but I like your response better.
posted by penduluum at 4:43 PM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

Holy Carmen Miranda!

A gigantic Liberty Bell would've been the perfect outfit for Miss USA.
posted by octobersurprise at 4:43 PM on September 9, 2011

Oh, Jebus. I hadn't even gotten that far yet.

Yeah, I was

*scrolling-scrolling-scrolling*

"Hmmm, some these are interesting.

Wow, some of these are gaudy.

I wonder what USA is goin - OHFFSNOTHEYDIDNOT!"
posted by P.o.B. at 4:45 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

"You ain't gonna get in that tub, are you? It's the water that it wants, Jordy. Don't you know that?"
posted by benzenedream at 4:46 PM on September 9, 2011

I am surprised at how many of the women are carrying weapons (more than zero!). Dear Misses Bolivia, Chile, Ireland, Japan, Peru, and Tanzania, your costumes are great.
posted by jeather at 4:46 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

"I am not managing it with you or any other woman, especially one who dresses like an Australian's nightmare!"
posted by jenkinsEar at 4:46 PM on September 9, 2011

How peculiar that Puerto Rico and Guam get their own representatives.

and the US Virgin Islands

Which is great because that gives the US 4 entries with only one dressed in something designed by Sarah Palin.
posted by birdherder at 4:47 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

I think the Mad Max unicorn award goes to Miss Nigeria.
posted by Felex at 4:47 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

M-miss Curacao...
posted by pts at 4:47 PM on September 9, 2011

Serbia just said "Fuck it. Here's some stuff from The Gap and a flag. Go crazy."
posted by P.o.B. at 4:48 PM on September 9, 2011 [10 favorites]

Miss Mexico has a skull. That's one better than a weapon, right?
posted by Jehan at 4:49 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Most of them look like video game characters. Like they should be holding swords or something.
posted by cazoo at 4:51 PM on September 9, 2011

Why is Miss Hungary dressed as a Mousketeer?

And could someone please explain the motif for Miss Ireland?
posted by P.o.B. at 4:51 PM on September 9, 2011

I wonder how long they spent on Miss Greece before someone threw a toga on her and called it good.
posted by P.o.B. at 4:53 PM on September 9, 2011

> And could someone please explain the motif for Miss Ireland?

I immediately thought of the celtic knot patters in the book of Kells.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:54 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm so so so sorry for the Canadian costume. I know I didn't have anything to do with it, but the shame is great enough to cover the whole nation.

a headdress? really? Now I don't know much about the specifics, but aren't they part of an office or honour - wearing a headdress you aren't entitled to is like wearing and claiming someone else's medals.

besides, everyone knows that Canada's national costume is a plaid shirt and jeans.
posted by jb at 4:55 PM on September 9, 2011 [13 favorites]

At first I thought that they all had similar tattoos. Could the watermarks on those photos be any heavier?
posted by double block and bleed at 4:55 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

I can't get over the fact that Serbia has the most understated, tasteful outfit of all of them.
posted by The World Famous at 4:55 PM on September 9, 2011

The ones that don't look like Final Fantasy characters look like Final Fantasy bosses
posted by Nattie at 4:56 PM on September 9, 2011 [38 favorites]

Some of these look like contestants for the new hit game show "So You Want to be a Bjork!"
posted by Rinku at 4:57 PM on September 9, 2011 [31 favorites]

OMG, Miss Colombia is fantastic!
posted by King Bee at 4:57 PM on September 9, 2011

Understated at the Miss Universe National Costume show is doing it wrong.
posted by jeather at 4:58 PM on September 9, 2011

But the scimitar daggers Ms. Ireland is holding? I can't think of anything in Irish culture that would have those, I thought everything were dirks and short swords.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:58 PM on September 9, 2011

I like Missus Bolivia
posted by KokuRyu at 5:00 PM on September 9, 2011

I was trying to see how many I could guess. Very few- I guessed that the miner was from Chile, the one with the fleur de lis was from France, the one with the big sign that said GUAM was from Guam, and the one that seemed Japanese was from Japan. And then, embarrassingly enough, I realized that they were in alphabetical order.
posted by Flunkie at 5:02 PM on September 9, 2011 [7 favorites]

I can't get over the fact that Serbia has the most understated, tasteful outfit of all of them.

There's a cross on the front of here jacket, which is a little hmm...
posted by Jehan at 5:02 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ms. Korea's hat. That is all.
posted by heyforfour at 5:04 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Miss New Zealand's dress is perfectly nice, but why's she got her hand in that sofa cushion cover?
posted by pajamazon at 5:04 PM on September 9, 2011

Suddenly I'm having premonitions of the pageant scene from the upcoming movie of the Hunger Games....
posted by Shotgun Shakespeare at 5:05 PM on September 9, 2011 [8 favorites]

I'm so so so sorry for the Canadian costume ... a headdress? really?

I know. If there's ever a place and time to dress as a giant sparkly beaver, it's the Miss Universe National costume contest.
posted by octobersurprise at 5:05 PM on September 9, 2011 [10 favorites]

On some of these, the dial is cranked all the way up to "Kirk's love interest for this episode"...
posted by hincandenza at 5:06 PM on September 9, 2011 [20 favorites]

Metafilter: a giant sparkly beaver
posted by The Whelk at 5:06 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Man. Those were all pretty terrible, even the faux-period dresses like France, which somehow still look tawdry and cheap like a bad costume store rental.

Then I got to the picture for USA.

HELLO, WHORE OF BABYLON! You look like an under-dressed cowboy got in a fight with a besequined drum major and the patriotic bunting at President Taft's inauguration speech and - and lost!

No, that's really impressive. I wouldn't even dare imagine the endless committees and arguments and back-room politics and hard work it took to actually come up with an outfit that terrible.

It's the fashion equivalent of a large, slobbery dog humping your leg that grins at you and looks you right in the eyes while the owner does nothing but apologize unconvincingly. It's like wearing an itchy wool sweater in a hot tub. It's like a bored, begrudging hand hand job from the soon to be ex-spouse. It's like "frozen dairy dessert" instead of ice cream.

Right now Christopher Guest is furiously scribbling a pithy screenplay filled with carefully calculated mediocrity, pathos and the Dunning-Krueger effect about the story of just how that outfit came to be - without anyone getting murdered or sent to (or borrowed from) a psychiatric hospital.

In light of all of that - they should award it "most realistic" costume. It's perfectly fitting for a failing empire fading away and getting high in its own redolent fumes of self-fermentation.
posted by loquacious at 5:07 PM on September 9, 2011 [27 favorites]

a giant sparkly beaver

I believe the current term for that is "vajazzled".
posted by hippybear at 5:07 PM on September 9, 2011 [25 favorites]

Miss Canada's costume enrages me. Miss Tanzania's is awesome.
posted by Sternmeyer at 5:08 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Canada's costume enrages me.

Yeah, it's wildly inappropriate. Not only is it massively inaccurate historically, it's also just plain old dumb and racist.
posted by loquacious at 5:11 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

In re: Miss Canada, surely the representative herself is First Nations member? Surely...? Because otherwise...?

.................?
posted by pts at 5:12 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Poland is beautiful.

There, I've said it.
posted by swift at 5:16 PM on September 9, 2011 [7 favorites]

I'm rather upset that Miss USA is not wearing a flag pin on her lapel. WHY DOES SHE HATE AMERICA?!?!
posted by Knappster at 5:19 PM on September 9, 2011 [27 favorites]

I got to Brazil and wondered, how do they travel with these things. So I looked up the location. Oh, it's in Brazil. Ok. But the feathered monstrosities just kept coming. So I was back to wondering.

Then I was surprised not to see India represented. And then I thought, no, maybe they're being forward thinking and skipping this shit. Oh how wrong I was. And it kind of answered my first question: LUCK. You get these things to their destination by sheer luck.
posted by bilabial at 5:22 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Ecuador appears to have 7-foot-long arms, and I'm also a little afraid of Miss Costa Rica. Miss Nigeria is just awesome.
posted by daisystomper at 5:24 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Poland is beautiful.

You were expecting otherwise in a beauty contest?
posted by P.o.B. at 5:24 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm partial to Venezuela. Even though I think she might spit poison in my eye...
posted by Go Banana at 5:25 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

As wrong as this is, I want Miss Australia to greet Miss USA's parents with "A Jingo ate your baby."
posted by P.o.B. at 5:26 PM on September 9, 2011 [7 favorites]

Miss Canada, surely the representative herself is First Nations member? Surely...? Because otherwise...?

If she is, it's even worse because what she's wearing is the costume equivalent of blackface. That particular "Big Chief" full headdress thing wasn't ever really authentic in any North American tribe that I've read about. I can't find the appropriate links but I've read in multiple sources it was invented for early American tourists because the real thing was just not dramatic or "noble savage" enough.

Here's a link that shows what the clothes really looked like. It's a lot more simple and functional.

I know, I know, I'm expecting historical accuracy from a creepy commercial beauty pageant, but... yeah, if we're going to split hairs, Miss Canada's costume is somewhere between actually really offensive and outright racist to simply very ignorant and culturally unaware of how offensive that costume is.
posted by loquacious at 5:33 PM on September 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

Why do so many of them look like a bird/woman hybrid? Is that a Thing?
posted by Ink-stained wretch at 5:34 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Some of these are absolutely terrifying to behold.

Others...well, I'd be willing to take Miss Sri Lanka out back and mug her for that gorgeous sari. Miss Slovenia is so elegant! Miss Greece, too.

Miss Germany's dress is...wrong. She looks like she belongs at an Elegant Gothic Lolita gathering. Don't EVEN get me started on that mess Miss USA showed up in.
posted by MissySedai at 5:35 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why do so many of them look like a bird/woman hybrid? Is that a Thing?

Everybody knows: birds are dead sexy.
posted by penduluum at 5:36 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Miss Tanzania *has* to be the final boss in a video game. Simply has to. After you've defeated Miss Thailand in a horrifically long fight with no saves and you're breathing a sigh of relief and then she turns into Miss Tanzania and you have to fight all the way through and you've used up all the healing potions you hoarded through the whole game. Seriously.
posted by lriG rorriM at 5:37 PM on September 9, 2011 [11 favorites]

Why do so many of them look like a bird/woman hybrid? Is that a Thing?

I think it derives from Mardi Gras or Carnival costumes. They're in Brazil, after all.

I've also seen club kids with costumes like that. I think it's a function of running out of space to put shiny things, so you end up with angel wings or bird wings, fairy wings, crazy hats and collars, platform boots, etc. I suspect that's what happened with Carnival costumes, too. You only have so many limbs and beavers to bedazzle, so you make some more limbs to decorate.
posted by loquacious at 5:38 PM on September 9, 2011

Googling Miss Canada suggests she isn't a First Nations member. If she were, well, I could have pretended it's some high level satire or something, instead of just offensive and also cliched.
posted by jeather at 5:38 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Ukraine has got a lot of balls wearing that.
posted by Foam Pants at 5:42 PM on September 9, 2011 [11 favorites]

If wanting to see all the South American/Caribbean bird ladies battle it out in a wild feathers-flying cage match is wrong then I never ever want to be right.

I feel like Grace Jones took one look and Miss Tanzania and ran directly to her closet to see if she'd been robbed. THAT IS HOW AWESOME IT IS.
posted by elizardbits at 5:43 PM on September 9, 2011 [11 favorites]

Miss British Virgin Islands looks like she is an opera singer in the 5th Element.

Miss Tanzania is from the future.

Miss Mexico and Miss Nigeria look righteous.

Miss USA looks like someone's inspiration started and ended with Naked Cowboy. (maybe nsfw)

What the fuck, Canada.
posted by en forme de poire at 5:43 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

also I can't figure out who Miss Hungary is cosplaying, sailor pluto or sailor saturn.
posted by elizardbits at 5:46 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I love how Miss Japan's deshabillée katana-wielding cyberninja gets no comment at all. Because, I know, what else do we expect from Japan in the "national costumes" round?

Just once I'd like to see our representative in sixteen carefully color-matched layers behind an opaque screen.
posted by No-sword at 5:48 PM on September 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

Chile for the win. Pure Unadulterated Camp.
posted by rainbaby at 5:50 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Miss Honduras is, like, "Everybody wears this back home. I've covered my belly button as a sign of my virginity."
posted by Foam Pants at 5:50 PM on September 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

Miss Bahama's wings are full of delicious candy.
posted by gamera at 5:52 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

also also it is pretty depressing how light-skinned all the ladies from non-white-majority countries are.
posted by elizardbits at 5:52 PM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

Love this; some of them are completely insanely fabulous. Looks like most of the pics are taken from the official site, which has them bigger, and has more of each costume:

National Costumes (Part 3)
National Costumes (Part 2)
National Costumes

Mouseover the pics for country info, click for enlarging.
posted by mediareport at 5:53 PM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

Worst. Project Runway challenge. Ever.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:53 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

ok, not bigger, but without that ridiculous watermark. I mean, come on; you're stealing the pics from the official site and adding a huge symbol that they're yours? Give me a fucking break, ONTD.
posted by mediareport at 5:54 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss USA is exactly what she should be. And I get the Book of Kells thing Miss Ireland is doing.

But what the hell is going on with Miss Great Britain? What is that even supposed to evoke? When you UK Mefites wake up, please tell me what it is.
posted by pH Indicating Socks at 5:55 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I rather liked Miss Chilean Miner. Miss Nigeria and Miss Tanzania are great, and I like the wings contingent as well as the birds (Miss Curacao and Miss Puerto Rico), but some of them? Miss Canada should be ashamed. So, should very different reasons, should Miss USA, and pretty much Miss Everyone Else from Europe with the Exception of Greece. Go all out.
posted by jeather at 6:39 PM on September 9 [+] [!]

I'm pretty sure I am not mistaken, being Puerto Rican and all, but I believe Miss Puerto Rico is a variation on these guys, the Vejigantes and additional picture.

How peculiar that Puerto Rico and Guam get their own representatives.
posted by hippybear at 6:40 PM on September 9 [+] [!]


Something, something, still by definition a colony of the United States, not a full on member? We also get to compete in the Olympics, at least Puerto Rico does.
posted by lizarrd at 5:57 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss Great Britain WTF
posted by pH Indicating Socks at 5:58 PM on September 9, 2011

These women all kinda look like Sailor Moon villains.
posted by Keter at 5:59 PM on September 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

On some of these, the dial is cranked all the way up to "Kirk's love interest for this episode"...

Miss Universe or Dr. Who alien... you decide. Maybe the winner gets to be in an episode.
posted by ennui.bz at 5:59 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

pH Indicating Socks: "Miss USA is exactly what she should be."

A patriotic Carribean Fruit Bat?
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:04 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss Tanzania is a Cyberwoman?
posted by Keter at 6:06 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Australia:
Her attire is a little-known stage of the xenomorph life-cycle, the breasthugger.
Miss Bahamas:
IMABIRD
Miss Bolivia:
NO IMABIRD
Miss Chile:
ssssssSSSSSSS....
Miss Colombia:
I've seen screensavers that look a lot like that dress. What you don't see is that the rest of it goes all the way out the building, into the street and two miles uptown.
Miss Costa Rica:
She's got that whole "avenging goddess about to claim her sacrifices" thing down. Run audience! Run for your lives!
Miss Curacao:
ME ME IMABIRRRRRDD
Miss Czech Republic:
What, is she supposed to be a giant picnic basket?
Miss Ecuador:
Appearing next week at the Thunderdome! Can't we just get beyond Thunderdome?
Miss Jamaica:
BIRD BIRD BIRD
Miss Nigeria:
Who needs fabric when there's a discount sale at Bead Barn?
Miss Panama:
Could you guys hurry this up, she has an important engagement after the show as Voltron's right torso.
Miss Peru:
I come to you as the High Priestess of Drebnar, God of Poor Fashion Choices. Look, here's his picture.
Miss St. Lucia:
BIIIIRRRRRDDDDDDD
Miss Tanzania:
It's not worth a lot of armor class, but it does D6 extra damage to attackers.
Miss Ukraine:
But seriously, has anyone seen my Christmas ornaments?
Miss USA:
It's easy to tell North American peacocks apart by the markings on the plumage.
posted by JHarris at 6:10 PM on September 9, 2011 [9 favorites]

I like that Miss Romania is a vampire. Romanians are proud of Transylvania and their vampire heritage, dammit.
posted by zoetrope at 6:11 PM on September 9, 2011 [9 favorites]

HAHA WAIT Miss Turks & Caicos seemed familiar somehow and then I realized she is standing in the same position and has the same hairdo as the Queen-to-Be from Coming to America.
posted by elizardbits at 6:13 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Sweden really missed a valuable opportunity to showcase a Minecraft-inspired costume. Sexy Creeper could be the new Sexy Vampire.
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:13 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Did anyone else think of The Hunger Games when they got to Chile's costume?

"Since the baggy miner's jumpsuits are not particularly becoming, our tributes usually end up in skimpy outfits and hats with headlamps."
posted by emmling at 6:21 PM on September 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

Miss Guam is smiling like somebody just gave her a million dollars, a bucketful of adorable kittens, and a lifetime supply of fresh strawberries.

That is the best costume to have
posted by trunk muffins at 6:21 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

That particular "Big Chief" full headdress thing wasn't ever really authentic in any North American tribe that I've read about. I can't find the appropriate links but I've read in multiple sources it was invented for early American tourists because the real thing was just not dramatic or "noble savage" enough.

Are you sure about that? Wikipedia claims that it was used amongst the Plains Indians.

Here's a photo of a Cheyenne chief who lived from 1856 to 1917 wearing one.

Here is Sitting Bull wearing one.

Or maybe you're being a lot more specific in the details of it than I am?
posted by Flunkie at 6:22 PM on September 9, 2011

I am kind of baffled by Miss Spain. That's the best that Spain could do?
posted by gingerbeer at 6:23 PM on September 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

The US costume looks is what Sarah Palin wears as she wafts through the dreams of Glenn Beck. Every. Single. Night.
posted by emjaybee at 6:24 PM on September 9, 2011 [7 favorites]

The more I think about it, Miss USA is just a horribly cartoony villain, something straight out of the C-List venture brothers villains (someone below the Monarch even).

For I am, The Patriot!
posted by mrzarquon at 6:28 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Miss Guam looks like her mom made it for her at the last minute.
posted by zzazazz at 6:31 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss USA is by far the worst, not least because it shows zero imagination. But mostly the hat. Nothing says sexy like a George Washington tricorn.
posted by DU at 6:31 PM on September 9, 2011

And what is with our country and our flag? Can we please find something else to identify ourselves by?
posted by zzazazz at 6:33 PM on September 9, 2011

As a Canadian, I feel like I have to apologize to the world on behalf of Canada for the dreadful mistake that was Miss Canada's "native" costume. I did some googling and found out that a company called Beauties of Canada runs the Miss Universe Canada pageant. And the outfit is even worse than it appears. Apparently, Miss Canada's designer wanted to make something Haida of all things.

This costume is wrong on so many levels: conflating two vastly different aboriginal cultures (the war bonnet was from Plains Indian nations, and never remotely part of coastal nations); having ceremonial aboriginal dress used like a Hallowe'en costume; disregarding the fact that women never wore a war bonnet.

I'm really trying not to grar too much over what is essentially an irrelevant commercial enterprise, but the insult to natives (and let's not even talk about the whole beauty pageant thing) is just too egregious.

All things considered, the sparkly sequinned beaver would have been a much better idea.

A Mountie costume wouldn't have been allowed. The Disney corp protects the brand identity of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and does so very vigorously.
posted by angiep at 6:34 PM on September 9, 2011 [10 favorites]

I would be first in line at Gamestop for the midnight release of a Miss Universe 2011 National Costumes fighting game.
posted by MegoSteve at 6:38 PM on September 9, 2011 [10 favorites]

After detailed mathematical analysis, the conclusion that Miss Singapore has taken the best picture is inescapable. The way the dress hangs off her arm, those beautiful circles on the right side of her head; that outstretched foot...great, great shot.
posted by mediareport at 6:41 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

zzazazz: "And what is with our country and our flag? Can we please find something else to identify ourselves by?"

Well, there's always the put-your-name-on-a-shield option.
posted by gingerbeer at 6:41 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss USA is by far the worst, not least because it shows zero imagination. But mostly the hat. Nothing says sexy like a George Washington tricorn.

It's not just a tricorn. It's a tricorn version of the classic giant foam cowboy hat. It's Meta-American.
posted by The World Famous at 6:44 PM on September 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

Well, considering the proximity to the ten year anniversary thing, at least we can be proud that Miss USA didn't come out with an eagle head cowl and smoking twin tower pant leggings.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:45 PM on September 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

I don't see a write-up over at Tom and Lorenzo's project rungay. Their writeups last year were brilliant. *wills internet to go faster*
posted by rmd1023 at 6:46 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Fear this hemisphere, cuz it is the best hemisphere! The Americas completely rocked it... except for Canada and El Salvador. WTF you guys, weren't you following on Google+? We totally circled you.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:46 PM on September 9, 2011

mrzarquon, a crying eagle head cowl would have been best.
posted by emjaybee at 6:48 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss Guatemala looks like an extra in Tank Girl, I approve.
posted by The Whelk at 6:48 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also Miss Egypt looks like something you'd see in an acid dream sequense during a musical which is to say I love it.
posted by The Whelk at 6:50 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

THIS IS GLORIOUS.
posted by spec80 at 6:51 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

No costume for Vasuki Sunkavalli, Miss India, due to it being stuck in customs.

There are basically two options here. One, Brazilian customs are now being operated by the TSA. Two, Miss India's costume was three mongooses, five cobras, and a peacock strategically placed across the chestal region. Either way, I am disappoint.
posted by Errant at 6:51 PM on September 9, 2011 [7 favorites]

Miss China got stuck with the most shapeless dress, like give her a kicking headdress and fringe and then just stick her in a sack. SIGH.
posted by The Whelk at 6:51 PM on September 9, 2011

And Miss U.S. Virgin Islands looks like he fell into someone else's hoop-skirt outfit and came in the other side.
posted by The Whelk at 6:53 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Spain looks like a toilet paper cozy.
posted by elizardbits at 6:54 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Miss China got stuck with the most shapeless dress

I feel like China didn't get the memo that they were supposed to make it SEXY national dress. Sexy Chilean Miner. Sexy Nigerian Twizzler. Sexy Japanese Geisha-Ninja.

Same with Spain. WTF is that. If she's going to wear that, at least have it made from jamon iberico.
posted by spec80 at 6:59 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Drag Queens put more effort into their Marie Attionette outfits then you Miss France, show some spirit.

Are you the Gulf Stream Miss UK? I do not even. That's not even a dress.

Funny how Miss Japan brandishing a sword is just totally ho hum for this show.

Miss Puerto Rico is the 4th runner up in the Boiler Room Lady gaga outfit contest.

Miss Estonia wandered in here from Fashion Week. She doesn't know what it for but she knows to smile and strut.

Miss Poland is going to break into a musical number about being captured by a dragon ANY SECOND NOW.

Miss Peru is what happens when the airbrush on the side of your van comes alive.

Miss Korea's outfit was made by her mom.



Miss Czech Republic's ...shoulder thing makes me think of hooks for packaging retail items.

Miss Trinidad & Tobago gets the award for Most Outfit That Is Actually Not On Your Skin.

Miss Russia looks oddly modest, like she's a member of a very strict but very fancy religious order.

Oh Miss Greece, you are the super-classy Caryatid holding up the whole roof of this show.
posted by The Whelk at 7:02 PM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

> If she's going to wear that, at least have it made from jamon iberico.

I wish this sentence was said more often.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:05 PM on September 9, 2011 [7 favorites]

What's up with Miss France? Is there a hedgerow in her bustle?
posted by Soliloquy at 7:06 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Miss Denmark is a pretty pretty princess
posted by The Whelk at 7:08 PM on September 9, 2011

So many of these look like mid-bosses from Final Fantasy games....
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:08 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Science Ninja Team Gatchawomen!
posted by lord_wolf at 7:12 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I feel so sorry for Miss Netherlands. Somebody gave her a nice pillow with a crown on it, but she can't wear the crown because there's a boat stuck to her head.

Wait. Is she the guy from Time Bandits?
posted by The World Famous at 7:17 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

No Miss Saudi Arabia?
posted by dunkadunc at 7:17 PM on September 9, 2011

Someone told Miss Turks & Caicos it was Casual Friday.
posted by Ink-stained wretch at 7:19 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is how I picture the pageant in The Hunger Games, right down to the miner. So this will end in wasps and blood.
posted by Danila at 7:20 PM on September 9, 2011 [9 favorites]

The fuck does Botswana have a shovel for?
posted by klangklangston at 7:31 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

She wants you to dig her outfit!
posted by hippybear at 7:32 PM on September 9, 2011 [11 favorites]

Did anyone else think of The Hunger Games when they got to Chile's costume?

Seriously. Cinna would not approve of some of these outfits, but that was totally the first thing I thought of, even before reading this thread. Also, can I please blurt out here how utterly excited I am to see Woody Harrelson play Haymitch?
posted by timetoevolve at 7:36 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't get all the hate for Miss USA. I heard a debate on the radio this morning about whether or not some football player should be able to wear red, white and blue spikes during a football game on Sunday, 9/11. People seem to care. If Miss USA's outfit is supposed to be representative of the culture of her country, she's nailed it.
posted by TheShadowKnows at 7:43 PM on September 9, 2011

If by "she's nailed it", you mean she's become the wooden post to which some 1920s "The Music Man" middle-America Fourth Of July bunting has been nailed, you're exactly correct.
posted by hippybear at 7:49 PM on September 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

Are you sure about that? Wikipedia claims that it was used amongst the Plains Indians.

Fairly certain about it. The things I've read about it say that that modern war bonnet style was invented after the Plains natives were settled and no longer a nomadic tribe, and worse that it was mainly invented to impress tourists for pow-wow dances, which are also an invention and adaptation.

Here's a lot more pics of Sitting Bull. Note the earlier styles of dress. At the bottom there's a picture of Sitting Bull with Wild Bill. In 1885. That's an entirely staged, made up picture for what I believe was a stage show or rodeo show or something. That headdress is about as historically accurate as a set of 1950 tiki-themed coconut cocktail cups is to Polynesia.

All of the known examples of that long, very ornate and impractical style evolved after tribes had been forced onto reservations or otherwise after the end of their nomadic cultures.

This is one reason why the headdress and that generic Plains costume is offensive to First Nations people, or the "Big Red Chief" cliche. It's really not a symbol for a warrior. It's a symbol of subjugation. It's not entirely unlike having an African-American show up in manacles, or a Holocaust survivor in prison garb or something, or suggesting a Highlander should wear pants instead of a kilt.

It's important to remember but easy to forget that the First Nations were absolutely decimated by the newly arrived Europeans long before they were paid any attention to academically, and long before the invention of photography.

They were by and large based on oral traditions and histories. They were relatively fragile as cultures, and they were probably very dynamic - customs would change and morph over just a few generations. There was a lot of variety in modes of dress, and it was more informed by available technologies, materials and learned techniques.

Move them a few hundred miles in the wrong direction and they no longer have the natural supplies and materials they had before, so they change and adapt to what's available locally. Give them a generation or three in the new location and while the clothing was functionally similar - the ornamentation and techniques could change.

It doesn't make any anthropological sense that they would have the time or inclination to make an outfit that was that ridiculously difficult to actually hunt or fight in. Look at tribes all over the world and look at their chiefs and warriors. Even when the outfits get really bizarre and ridiculous there's a certain practicality and functionality. They can still move around freely. Look at the earlier pictures of Sitting Bull with a single feather or just a few feathers - then look at the 1885 "war bonnet". Which one do you think he fought in or made himself?

Hey, guys! I think these beans are almost done!
posted by loquacious at 7:50 PM on September 9, 2011 [9 favorites]

Miss USA's outfit is NOWHERE NEAR as bad as Miss Canada's. Yes, it's all flaggy and starsy and stripesy and jingoistic, but it is at least somewhat aesthetically appealing, whereas Miss Canada's is BOTH offensive and ugly, like she was so embarrassed by the headdress that she decided to wear a burlap sack (which makes you wonder if what the burlap is concealing is, in fact, the Sparkly Beaver). Miss Canada would have looked better dressed as a Crunchie bar.

and my husband says that The Vajazzler is totally a Batman villain
posted by biscotti at 7:52 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Miss Montenegro's dress is quite lovely and she has a smile to go with it; if we have to have wings, I feel Miss Venezuela's is the way to go.

Miss China's dress does actually look pretty national.
posted by of strange foe at 7:53 PM on September 9, 2011

The Vajazzler? A villain?

Impossible. What with all the sparkly beaverish joy (s)he brings to millions with her every exploit! (S)he's surely a hero, or at least a neutral character who is in the background.

(As if a vajazzled... er, um... beaver is ever neutral and in the background!)
posted by hippybear at 7:55 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is why I love Metafilter, there is nothing that I cannot say.
posted by PinkMoose at 7:55 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Miss Canada would have looked better dressed as a Crunchie bar.

That or a sasquatch with Stephen Harper's face. On its tummy.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:55 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Russian Bride!
posted by hillabeans at 8:00 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was scrolling down and got to the headdress and thought, "oh, please don't let this be Canada..."

Incidentally, the lower portion of the outfit is Haida. But yeah, pretty embarrassing.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:05 PM on September 9, 2011

Sorry, just looked at it again. The dress itself uses Haida design (she's crossing her arms, which is unfortunate); anyways, the whole thing is Haida. I wonder if the headdress was a later addition.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:08 PM on September 9, 2011

I thought most of these looked familiar, and then I realized... put Hugo Weaving in them, add a little music, and...
Yep. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
posted by specialagentwebb at 8:13 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's not just a tricorn. It's a tricorn version of the classic giant foam cowboy hat. It's Meta-American.

What I can't help but think of as an adult diaper on Miss USA is a subtle commentary on our national character.
posted by gauche at 8:14 PM on September 9, 2011 [5 favorites]

For the first time in years, I haven't cringed at the Miss Singapore costume (omg pls not the Merlion thing again!). Some of the sparkly ones look like escapees from Cirque du Soleil, although the allusions to Final Fantasy are also quite true.
posted by Alnedra at 8:14 PM on September 9, 2011

I think the rule is, the smaller the country, the larger the outfit.
posted by goethean at 8:21 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Wow, you Canadians sure like to apologize.
posted by naoko at 8:22 PM on September 9, 2011 [5 favorites]

What I said the first time wasn't really fair; the upper portions of her dress are Haida themed also.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:29 PM on September 9, 2011

Initial thoughts:

WTF Miss Canada

Miss Japan is about to be killed by Uma Thurman

I'm not seeing any giant beer steins or pretzels. GET ON IT, GERMANY
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:31 PM on September 9, 2011

Also, this is the first time that Croatia or Montenegro have had the most tasteful anything.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:32 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Portugal is actually kind of nice-looking.... comparatively? Cute skirt.

But c'mon America... really? A ridiculously oversized tri-fucking-cornered hat? Couldn't she just take it to its foregone conclusion and also have that yellow "Don't Tread on Me" snake circling around her mammary area? Where's the guns n' ammo? Lady needs a Glock bra. FOR REALSIES.
posted by wowbobwow at 8:35 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Croatia's kind of awesome.

Bermuda's sort of horrible.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:36 PM on September 9, 2011

Wow, you Canadians sure like to apologize

Well it is a pretty sorry outfit.
posted by Kabanos at 8:38 PM on September 9, 2011

I think the rule is, the smaller the country, the larger the outfit.

Eh....if that is the rule, then Miss Singapore's costume would be 15 feet high and 10 across.
posted by Alnedra at 8:41 PM on September 9, 2011

Also, I did not know that a Gustav Klimt painting was the national costume of Singapore.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:41 PM on September 9, 2011

Wow, I want Miss Sri Lanka's sari for myself. Also, thank god for the internet! Time was we would actually have had to sit around and watch this foolish pageant for hours to get at these (admittedly grand) lulz.
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 8:53 PM on September 9, 2011

Fairly certain about it.

Do you have any evidence?

Here's a lot more pics of Sitting Bull. Note the earlier styles of dress.

Uh, people aren't going to be wearing a war bonnet 24/7, you know. According to Wikipedia, at least, it was basically ceremonial garb. Your points like "ridiculously difficult to hunt or fight in" seems completely irrelevant.

Here's a page saying they were ceremonial garb of the Plains Indians that were later appropriated by other tribes for tourist purposes. Perhaps you've got half the story?

I'm not saying you're wrong, but "here's a picture of a person without one on" doesn't seem to cut it.
posted by Flunkie at 8:59 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

No Moldovia. After seeing their Eurovision contribution, that was the only costume I was looking forward to. :-(
posted by Surfurrus at 9:13 PM on September 9, 2011

For those like me who were wondering where Miss India is, apparently her costume was delayed in Brazil customs, so there aren't any pictures of her in the national costume parade.
posted by specialagentwebb at 9:23 PM on September 9, 2011

Whither Miss Iceland?
posted by wowbobwow at 9:24 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ewww. Could we not allow her return to Canada? Please?

besides, everyone knows that Canada's national costume is a plaid shirt and jeans.

Yes, but such a formal occasion calls for a tuxedo.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:36 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Miss Canada would have looked better dressed as a Crunchie bar.

I think we can all agree that it could have been a Coffee. Crisp.

Yes, but such a formal occasion calls for a tuxedo.

ooooooo.......... by the gods that would have been AWESOME!

Also, Miss Canada could have worn Shania Twain and Celine Dion which would have been sort of meta too.
posted by GuyZero at 9:39 PM on September 9, 2011

(Here's a Wikipedia link of absolutely no relevance whatsoever. None at all. I don't know why I'm even posting it, to be perfectly honest.)
posted by Sys Rq at 9:41 PM on September 9, 2011 [5 favorites]

I don't care what anyone says, Miss Greece is awesome and looks like someone who would find standing next to me embarrassing rather than the reverse.
posted by Justinian at 9:45 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

(My first comment!)

Regarding Miss Canada: According to her website, the costume is an "homage" to the Haida. Who did not wear war bonnets, ever.

What is Miss Tanzania supposed to BE, exactly? Is there a significant population of robot war unicorns there? I've been Googling but have found no reference for it.
posted by cuculine at 9:48 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

No costume for Vasuki Sunkavalli, Miss India, due to it being stuck in customs.

*roflmao* should have smuggled it in
posted by infini at 10:13 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Croatia is still trying to earn the money for the trip to Brazil by promoting her candy sales. Looks compelling like a Whitey's Ice Cream uniform.
posted by Foam Pants at 10:26 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I get that Miss Chile is a miner, but my first reaction was "Dalek?"
posted by pemberkins at 10:36 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Claudia Schiess moar liek scheiss binichrichtig?
posted by not_on_display at 10:46 PM on September 9, 2011

Can somebody pleeeease tell me what Miss Czech Republic's costume is supposed to be? Here's another view. It's not helping.

Miss South Africa nearly won the whole shebang, but then the design committee was, like, what can we randomly stick on this dress to totally ruin it?

And, Miss Sweden's national costume is an up-skirt shot? wth?
posted by taz at 10:51 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm eagerly awaiting the next use of the "guamyouhavefailedme" tag.
posted by Avenger at 10:54 PM on September 9, 2011 [5 favorites]

I love Miss Albania's outfit, it has a lot of class. Miss Croatia's outfit is awfulness, a misuse of feathers. Miss France kind of is trying for that Marie Antoinette look. Miss U.S.A looks like a Tea Party pin-up girl.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:06 PM on September 9, 2011

Can somebody pleeeease tell me what Miss Czech Republic's costume is supposed to be? Here's another view. It's not helping.

Its a basket. Those are the handles.
posted by infini at 11:07 PM on September 9, 2011

Well, at least Miss Canada is only offensive, Miss UK is just a chav.

Also, it looks like Miss Japan equipped a genuine half zatoichi. Full health on a kill but it cannot be sheathed until it draws blood.

Also, battle costumes? Loving it.
posted by Slackermagee at 11:16 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Where is Miss Bosnia and Hercegovina? Was she a no-show?
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:26 PM on September 9, 2011

That must be some gorgeous sari. I wish we could have seen it. Why would they keep the woman's costume?
posted by Anitanola at 11:27 PM on September 9, 2011

Miss Nigeria actually looks kinda badass.
posted by hal_c_on at 11:29 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Was she a no-show?

No! It's not even a chav, hell doing a whole UK street thing would be awesome, It's just, like..nothing, again, THAT IS NOT A DRESS. you just stuck things on your hips and called it a day. The Miss UK Dress is like the physical embodiment of Not Caring. C'mon UK, even Croatia TRIED, you gave us this hotel-curtains THING. I mean REALLY.

Sheesh.
posted by The Whelk at 11:33 PM on September 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

YOU COULD OF AT LEAST GIVEN US A SAD UNION JACK THING THAT WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE, but no it's "well I don't know maybe the fringe off the hotel bed, yessssss" Fuck that.
posted by The Whelk at 11:34 PM on September 9, 2011

And Miss Argentina wins the "Well this isn't a tango outfit competition, but " total insane tango dress prize.
posted by The Whelk at 11:37 PM on September 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

The Czech Republic is known for castles, Franz Kafka, and cheese, any one of which would be a better costume than a basket. Or, you know, maybe something to do with Bohemian crystal? ... but noooooo, too easy. Let's be a basket.
posted by taz at 11:47 PM on September 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

Well, perhaps the Czech see themselves as a basket case





nooo, i know but...
posted by infini at 12:10 AM on September 10, 2011

> Franz Kafka

Giant cockroach?

Although, "starvation artist" wouldn't be a difficult costume for some professional models.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:12 AM on September 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss Kosovo's outfit is tastelessly hermaphroditic, female on top, male on the bottom. Mis Ireland's outfit is weird.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 12:28 AM on September 10, 2011

I'm guessing that Miss UK's dress is based on something from My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
posted by Solomon at 12:58 AM on September 10, 2011

There doesn't seem to be a Miss UK in the main FPP link... unless its elsewhere in the previously links?
posted by infini at 1:16 AM on September 10, 2011

Miss Peru's costume is amazing! I want to know the whole story. Miss Singapore, too.

Miss Bahamas...thank you for the gigantic fruit offerings (once I started seeing them that way, I just couldn't go back to wings, sorry).

Is Miss Canada wearing a tooth belt?!

Apparently it's Valentine's Day in Croatia.

And what the heck is going on with Miss Kazakhstan there...is she a giant tissue box?

Miss South Africa: take the pink dress completely OFF before you go out on stage with the blue one.

Lastly, there is a bird flying out of Miss Paraguay's crotch. Thought you all should know, I was a little scared at first.

I am also really surprised that they didn't Photoshop out Miss Australia's um, I don't even know the right word here for it actually.

I don't know why I'm noticing all of their vaginas.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:20 AM on September 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

Miss Malaysia

That. is all.
posted by infini at 1:23 AM on September 10, 2011

If this is what Miss India tried to smuggle through customs, more power to the bureaucracy
posted by infini at 1:27 AM on September 10, 2011

Miss Chile wins.
posted by cell divide at 1:28 AM on September 10, 2011

Oh wow, I didn't notice how amazing Miss Malaysia was before! Gorgeous.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:28 AM on September 10, 2011

Is Miss Hungary auditioning for catwoman's sidekick, mousewoman??
posted by dabitch at 2:03 AM on September 10, 2011

In Soviet Russia, scarves eat you. Did the rest of her dress get stuck in customs?
posted by dabitch at 2:06 AM on September 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was hoping that Miss USA was some Onion shooping. But then I then I realized it was from some geriatric Arizona teabagger's spankbank. Look for it to be all the rage on those pedophile toddler pageant shows this fall.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 3:05 AM on September 10, 2011

Miss Tanzania may be a space warrior, but Miss Ukraine has balls. As for Miss USA, you'll excuse her, but she had to leave for a Tea Party meeting.
posted by Skeptic at 3:16 AM on September 10, 2011

some geriatric Arizona teabagger's spankbank

Have you seen Miss USA's 2009 costume?
posted by mediareport at 3:29 AM on September 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sys Rq, you funny bastard. I read your comment before browsing the pics of the girls, and I'm all "huh?"

Do a Google Image search for "joe camel" "miss canada" for bonus laffs.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 3:38 AM on September 10, 2011

Well, that's a whole lot of WTF to start the day, for sure.

And long before I came to Miss USA I thought, "Big fuck-off American flag. It'll be a big fuck-off American flag". Goddamn, you people just don't get how beyond naff all that flag shit is, do you? It's embarrassing. Just stop it.
posted by Decani at 4:19 AM on September 10, 2011

So, Miss Australia is the only one with a visible camel-toe. Do we extra points for that, or what?
posted by malibustacey9999 at 4:44 AM on September 10, 2011

Miss Greece and Miss Singapore look incredible, and I adore Miss Mexico in the "over-the-top but still awesome" category. But what’s up with Miss Israel? Did she not get the memo? Surely Israel must be known for something…
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:07 AM on September 10, 2011

Goddamn, you people just don't get how beyond naff all that flag shit is, do you? It's embarrassing. Just stop it.

You really hurt my feelings. I mean, I personally worked on this costume and approved the design along with every other American and now you're knocking it. It's totally how we want our country represented.

:(
posted by the young rope-rider at 5:28 AM on September 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ms. Ireland may not be dressed as The Minoan Snake Goddess but she's getting close.
posted by rdr at 5:51 AM on September 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

Actually, I think Miss Ireland is supposed to be Boudica, the warrior queen. In Victorian times, she was represented carrying scimitars.
posted by LN at 6:13 AM on September 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

Time to save Ms. Tanzania's reputation, she's helping out the lower income demographic in her country, which is significantly in the metal working informal sector.

Yes. This is so. Cross my heart.
posted by infini at 6:21 AM on September 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss USA: Sarah Palin in a diaper.
posted by warbaby at 8:55 AM on September 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

Miss New Zealand's dress is perfectly nice, but why's she got her hand in that sofa cushion cover?

It's a Maori cloak of some sort.
posted by dydecker at 8:59 AM on September 10, 2011

Forgive my geopolitical ignorance, but what is happening with Miss Czech Republic? And Miss Croatia? Also, Miss Sweden's uncostumed bits ... yeow, phenomenal.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:24 AM on September 10, 2011

Isn't Miss USA wearing a bicorn crossed with a stovepipe top hat?
posted by galadriel at 12:06 PM on September 10, 2011

Miss Slovenia, you've disappointed me by showing up all classy 'n' stuff. I was hoping you'd be dressed as a Lipizzaner, or carrying a hayrack or something.

my Slovenian ancestors thank you for not dressing as a horse, even a really pretty horse
posted by catlet at 12:11 PM on September 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

I clicked the link, excited to get really judgmental about the objectification of women, but then...

I fucking love these costumes. The more sequins and feathers, the better. Swoopy? Yes. Twelve-feet-tall? Yes, please. Armored monster sea-goddess? Absolutely.

What I would have liked to see for the US: A physical embodiment of "America the Beautiful" in the form of a carnival confection. The towering tail would consist of translucent violet peaks and swaths of sky blue, the bodice of alabaster cities. The inside of the slit-and-held skirt would represent wilderness, while the glimmering, metallic, whitecapped outside of the skirt would embody our "sea to shining sea."

The bikini? Fruited plain. Obvs.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 12:39 PM on September 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wow, you Canadians sure like to apologize

sorry.

I am quite sure I saw Miss Hungary at FanExpo last weekend.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:35 PM on September 10, 2011

Good God, the horrible shoes! Miss Greece looks nice.
posted by puddinghead at 2:00 PM on September 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Miss Greece looks nice.

She does look exceptionally nice. Especially if you are into penisy hair.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:10 PM on September 10, 2011

Who isn't?
posted by Justinian at 3:05 PM on September 10, 2011

Good God, the horrible shoes! Miss Greece looks nice.

I thought so too. The shoes are just so glaringly cheap. Considering how much money it must cost to put that many feathers/sequins on a bikini, surely they could scrounge up a couple hundred bucks for a decent pair of shoes.
posted by ch1x0r at 5:06 PM on September 10, 2011

I believe you can make a costume exactly like Miss Tanzania in City of Heroes.
posted by Vindaloo at 5:15 PM on September 10, 2011

But seriously, does anyone know what Miss Tanzania is supposed to be? Is she some sort of rhinocerous? That's my best theory based on the double-horn.
posted by Justinian at 5:31 PM on September 10, 2011

Last year's Miss USA was so amazing, this year's was doomed to failure by comparison. It really exceeded the mark for failure though, didn't it?
posted by KathrynT at 3:23 PM on September 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

There was a lot of hate for last year's costume as well, although I defended it at the time. Metafilter is a tough crowd. This year's costume is, however, indefensible.
posted by Justinian at 4:36 PM on September 11, 2011

Miss Croatia is super-cute. Like kinda indie meets Mad Men.

Miss Mexico looks like she's carrying the gun from Shadows of the Damned.

Miss Australia is less embarassing than I imagined.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 12:39 AM on September 12, 2011

They mock the costume, but Miss Great Britain 2010 at least had a principle behind it

And if Miss Guatemala 2011 put on a pair of Doc Martens, I think she'd fit in well with half a dozen people I know.
posted by rollick at 10:00 AM on September 12, 2011

Wow, you Canadians sure like to apologize.

Yeah, you'd think that by now they'd've learned how to pronounce "sorry".
posted by goethean at 4:54 PM on September 12, 2011

Yeah, you'd think that by now they'd've learned how to pronounce "sorry".

How do you pronounce the letter o, jerkface?
posted by Sys Rq at 4:58 PM on September 12, 2011

How do you pronounce the letter o, jerkface?

Stop.

(like that)
posted by The World Famous at 5:08 PM on September 12, 2011

sahrry.

I'll stahp nahw.
posted by GuyZero at 5:12 PM on September 12, 2011

Aw, now you're making me nostalgic for Detroit.
posted by The World Famous at 5:14 PM on September 12, 2011

It's a closed o, dum-dums! Like in or and for and sore. That is, unless you flunked out of the fifteenth century.

Don't even get me started on your "hat dwogs."
posted by Sys Rq at 5:22 PM on September 12, 2011

I proudly admit that I did, in fact, flunk out of the fifteenth century. I'm an Early Renaissance man, dammit.
posted by The World Famous at 5:25 PM on September 12, 2011

I ate this huge block of cheese once and I couldn't shift my vowels for days.
posted by GuyZero at 5:31 PM on September 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

BREAKING NEWS! Miss Angola, Leila Lopes, has won the Miss Universe pageant. Her national costume was so... relatively... tasteful (being wingless) that it appears to have gone completely unmentioned upthread. Which says something for the judging, I guess.
posted by mumkin at 10:05 PM on September 12, 2011

So she was a fishing net?
posted by The Whelk at 10:07 PM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

No. She was a sexy fishing net.
posted by pH Indicating Socks at 10:08 PM on September 12, 2011

No, a doomed dolphin.
posted by mumkin at 10:08 PM on September 12, 2011

Sys Rq. You owe me 5 favorites.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 10:14 PM on September 12, 2011

The Economist was right, 2011 is indeed the year of Africa.
posted by infini at 2:15 AM on September 13, 2011

I just discovered this thread today, after I heard about Miss Angola's win. I'll just put all my remarks in one post, since I'm so late:

I totally want to see Miss Tasmania and Miss Chile fight in the Hunger Games. I'm also digging on Miss Costa Rico's Aztec warrior look. Miss Panama is a wannabe, but didn't make the warrior cut because all the feathers would be a disadvantage in actual combat.

Wow, I did not know that murlocks came from Venezuela.

They should have put Miss UK in Pippa's gown from the wedding and been done with it. At least that would be flattering.

Miss Nigeria looks like one of the weather god dudes from Big Trouble in Little China.

Greece, Japan, Malaysia, Romania, Singapore and Sri Lanka had good concept outfits. They fit the countries.

Miss USA is atrocious. Just awful. I'd do a Pocahontas, simple leather jerkin on shoulder thing. And if we had to get the flag in there, then I'd have her hair down and let a single, thin braid (think Pirates of the Caribbean style) styled in red/white/blue beads frame the side of her face. Boom! Done.

Canada...aw, man, what were you thinking? Just go for a lumberjack flannel shirt tied at the waist with a beaver cap and pair it with denim cutoff shorts, it would be less insulting. And maybe give her an axe just in case Miss Tanzania starts a fight.
posted by misha at 12:05 PM on September 13, 2011

A Golden Age Hollywood or Marilyn Monroe or Warhol's Factory-inspired outfit would be strangely appropriate for the US. America had a huge impact on the 20th Century in particular, they should roll with that.
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:09 PM on September 13, 2011

Why note just Rosie the Riveter?
posted by mrzarquon at 12:16 PM on September 13, 2011

Also a good idea, but I'm a little unsure about wartime costumes from wars within living memory. "Hey, remember that time we were killing you guys in the Axis!"
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:29 PM on September 13, 2011

Because I was curious, I tried to find the past Miss USA costumes. Last year was the golden American eagle, which IMO is not that bad. '09 was NASCAR, which seems more about marketing than USA (someone could have mentioned the shorts were a bit... tight). '08 was a RWB shooting stars outfit(heh, notice the UK outfit). '07 was Elvis, which is kind of..."?".
I don't know if it's been done, but I was thinking what's wrong with a cowgirl outfit? Cowboys are certainly and distinctly American. BUT apparently in 2004, Miss USA tried to do an American Indian "homage" as well. People were pissed then, so I'm not so sure Miss Canada did her homework.
posted by P.o.B. at 2:21 PM on September 13, 2011

Oh, and the '05 outfit was a southern belle.
posted by P.o.B. at 2:23 PM on September 13, 2011

Wow, 2006 was a horse jockey that fell into a vat of 4th of July.
posted by P.o.B. at 2:28 PM on September 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Tom and Lorenzo
posted by SarahElizaP at 4:58 PM on September 13, 2011 [2 favorites]

We should have waited for this one ;p
posted by infini at 11:40 PM on September 13, 2011

I like Miss USA. She looks like a superheroine.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 11:41 PM on September 13, 2011

Illustrator Vera Brosgol (previously) is inspired by Miss Botswana.
posted by mumkin at 7:16 PM on September 14, 2011 [1 favorite]