Straw Hat Riots

September 16, 2011 7:45 AM

While courts say you can wear them in a snowstorm if you want to, yesterday was the last acceptable day to wear straw hats unless you're willing to offend someone and risk your life. Top hats and Sheath Skirts might be risky too.
posted by drezdn (61 comments total)

Related: when is it acceptable to wear white shoes?
posted by drezdn at 7:45 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

First link is to a PDF, just so you know.
posted by unSane at 7:48 AM on September 16, 2011

Not after labor day!
posted by TedW at 7:48 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I did not wake up this morning expecting to read the phrase "hat-smashing saturnalia", so thanks for that.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 7:48 AM on September 16, 2011 [6 favorites]

New York was a tough town back then. Wear the wrong hat and get smashed in the head.
posted by octothorpe at 7:52 AM on September 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

impudent boater behatted swains making a mockery of our seasonal sartorial selections!
posted by The Whelk at 7:52 AM on September 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Why didn't the police just shut down Facebook and Twitter?
posted by PlusDistance at 7:54 AM on September 16, 2011 [8 favorites]

News to me about the riots, for which many thanks, but the habit of young rapscallions and jackenapes tipping "boaters" from the heads of the calendarically challenged and punching holes through them (the hats, not the heads) is one I've seen in passing in old timey books.

All in good fun, of course, like tipping policemen's helmets in Wodehouse..
posted by IndigoJones at 7:54 AM on September 16, 2011

I am of the opinion that wearing a top hat is always risky, even more so should you be carrying bags of cash with "$" all over them.
posted by tommasz at 7:54 AM on September 16, 2011 [8 favorites]

Man Has a Right to Wear a Straw Hat in a Snow Storm, Says Magistrate Hatting

Magistrate Hatting? Sounds like a conflict of interest.
posted by maryr at 7:55 AM on September 16, 2011 [15 favorites]

"Skypieces"? Now that's slang as God intended it.
posted by penduluum at 7:55 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

But, if you aren’t 71 and you aren’t Mark Twain, and it is not 1906–and I’m not and it isn’t– you must pay some attention to these rules, you know. Which means that you must know what the rules are.

Tom Wolfe knows. He just ignores them.
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:56 AM on September 16, 2011

The wearing of a top hat carries the implied meaning that you also have the sword stick and exploding pocket watch with which to depend yourself.
posted by The Whelk at 7:57 AM on September 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

Another example of of activist liberal judges making laws.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:58 AM on September 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

in your easter bonnet with all the blood upon it....
posted by The Whelk at 8:00 AM on September 16, 2011

My hat's off to the rioters.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:00 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Alex: [Skypieces]. I would like... to smash them. And pick them up, and THROW-
[moves injured arm]
Alex: OW! Fucking hell! So did I pass?

I suppose it's only a matter of time before America's "front-running" political hopefuls will have to begin reminding the rest of us that it's OK to wear a novelty-sized tricorner hat in a political shitsnowstorm.
posted by obscurator at 8:01 AM on September 16, 2011

Now, it is my greatest burning desire to "appear... on the public highway wearing upon [my] head a tall structure having a shining lustre and calculated to frighten timid people."

Because that would be--pardon the word overuse--awesome.
posted by kinnakeet at 8:09 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Unbelievable as it sounds, a gang of young hoodlums in New York City decided to enforce an unwritten rule that straw hats were not to be worn after September 15.

Unbelievable as it sounds, a gang of young hoodlums in New York City was completely bored one day at the end of summer and decided to pick some random reason to start a rumble. Blame was however subsequently placed (somewhat surprisingly) on the enforcement of etiquette.
posted by three blind mice at 8:10 AM on September 16, 2011

Tom Wolfe knows. He just ignores them.

Tom Wolfe style tips
posted by madamjujujive at 8:12 AM on September 16, 2011

Abbott and Costello - The Susquehanna Hat Company !!

*I've always wondered what the basis for this skit and all the hat destruction.
posted by Skygazer at 8:13 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

After this, the fashion police were branded a subversive organization and they had to go underground.
posted by The Whelk at 8:13 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

When I saw Millie Jackson in concert Sunday, April 23, 2000, she complained about all the "motherfucking Easter bonnets" in the audience. Not a phrase one commonly hears. Oh, look, it's even a Googlenope!
well, it was a Googlenope
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:19 AM on September 16, 2011

Aww, beaten to the Susquehanna punch! *high fives Skygazer*


I do wonder, however, what sort of riots these would have engendered. I know some of them scared the crap out of me.
posted by blurker at 8:21 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yes, it's time to change to a cloth or felt hat.
posted by Daddy-O at 8:21 AM on September 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

You call that a fashion riot? That's not a fashion riot. This is a fashion riot.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:23 AM on September 16, 2011

hat
posted by The Whelk at 8:23 AM on September 16, 2011 [2 favorites]

hat

The Unique Guy
posted by griphus at 8:26 AM on September 16, 2011

6 Articles of Clothing That Caused Riots

What? No mention of Zoot Suits?
posted by smoothvirus at 8:31 AM on September 16, 2011

Zoot suits didn't cause the riots, the same way that red coats didn't cause the British Army.
posted by Jon_Evil at 8:32 AM on September 16, 2011

Blurker: Aww, beaten to the Susquehanna punch! *high fives Skygazer*

DID YOU SAY THE SUSQUEHANNA HAT COMPANY??!!
posted by Skygazer at 8:33 AM on September 16, 2011

DID YOU SAY THE SUSQUEHANNA HAT COMPANY??!!

NIAGARA FALLS!
posted by penduluum at 8:35 AM on September 16, 2011

Mobbed for wearing a top hat? Or a tight skirt? I guess that's what passed for excitement back in them days.

I was trying to imagine what one could wear western countries now days that would incite a mob to form around you. I guess wearing nothing at all would cause a stir...but a riot? It would have to be a really offensive t-shirt slogan to cause a mob scene.
posted by Gwynarra at 8:37 AM on September 16, 2011

I was trying to imagine what one could wear western countries now days that would incite a mob to form around you.

A swastika?
posted by Skeptic at 8:39 AM on September 16, 2011

a Yarmulke?
posted by jenkinsEar at 8:49 AM on September 16, 2011

Oh, Mornington Crescent!
posted by Meatbomb at 8:50 AM on September 16, 2011

Synchronicity. I've been wearing straw hats all summer, non-stop, since I'm bald from chemo. Yesterday -- the actual day cited in the article -- I decided No More Straw Hats. It's coming back, I have some fuzzies up top, and I'm getting up the nerve to be A Little Bald.
posted by thinkpiece at 8:56 AM on September 16, 2011

I was trying to imagine what one could wear western countries now days that would incite a mob to form around you.

Gather round, gather round and I'll tell the bizzarel tale of wearing shorts as a young man in the early 90s in the small backwards town in the far off mysterious land of Sicily. The town of my birth actually...

It was as if I was parting the Red Sea, on a Saturday evening when the chaperoned couples and families were taking their evening stroll through the piazza in their finest 90210 (that was the big thing at the time) T-shirts and Armani and Boss outfits, and they separated before aghast and pointing. Silent and furious that a young man should show his legs at the post-priandial hour on a Saturday night...

It took a lot of will power to not begin limping and drooling and crying out through faux diseased lips and pretend forced laborious breathing:

"I am not... an animal!!"

I shit you not.

Although I might've muttered it playfully to a couple of people who looked frightening to have me speak to them...

I think even the backwater little Mezzogiorno towns of Sicily have joined the rest of the civilized world since then and become proper consumers of Western (i.e., American) casual wear and instantly hip EU denizens...

It was also the experience that made me realize that my town of birth was a hick town in Southern Italy, ie Sicily and that I wasn't really "Italian immigrant" and was more like from some farm animal molesting place in the country in Alabama or Mississippi or some shit like that...

posted by Skygazer at 9:02 AM on September 16, 2011

I actually just switched from my straw hats to my felt hats yesterday. I didn't know about this though. I just base the change over on the weather. I am now better informed. Thanks!
posted by yeolcoatl at 9:05 AM on September 16, 2011

I am a milliner. I speak on some authority here and would say that while I am in Los Angeles, and we may still wear our straw hats through September as it can get up to 110 degrees, it is overdue that those in other parts of the country change to their felt hats.

Also, as someone who is seriously considering purchasing a Goldwing this year, Whelk, I am thoroughly offended by that cartoon!
posted by Sophie1 at 9:06 AM on September 16, 2011

hat

Some of the finest dialogue from a time when Achewood featured snappy retorts on a weekly basis.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 9:09 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Silent and furious that a young man should show his legs at the post-priandial hour on a Saturday night...

Excuse me, Skygazer, but if you were wearing shorts on a Saturday night, then you are the hick, and those Sicilians would have been perfectly justified to tar and feather you in the name of all that is holy in Italy*.

*that is: sunglasses, mobile phones, and a minimum in sartorial decorum.
posted by Skeptic at 9:10 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

And little scooters, yes? Ciao...
posted by maryr at 9:15 AM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also, as someone who is seriously considering purchasing a Goldwing this year, Whelk, I am thoroughly offended by that cartoon!

I consider seborrheic dermatitis to be far less embarrassing than publicly admitting an interest in the Goldwing.
posted by Skeptic at 9:19 AM on September 16, 2011

Skeptic: Excuse me, Skygazer, but if you were wearing shorts on a Saturday night, then you are the hick

Of course I was the hick. Good point. I just didn't realize I was supposed to act like a hick. I mean, like a real hick anyway...

Anyhow, this was way pre-mobile phones, and heck, I was a backpacking through the place for the day and got caught out in my shorts, and um...a Dali t-shirt (the melty watch on the tree).

Yeah, I was the arty hick with no fashion sense...but also, I think many people thought I looked familiar but perhaps couldn't place me? I don't know. Although I do know they clearly thought I was retarded.
posted by Skygazer at 9:22 AM on September 16, 2011

And little scooters, yes? Ciao...

Little scooters are like a Catholic accessory in Sicily.
posted by Skygazer at 9:24 AM on September 16, 2011

Sophie1: I am a milliner. I speak on some authority here...

Are you mad as a hatter?? Also, you wouldn't happen to work for the Susquehanna hat company, would you?
posted by Skygazer at 9:27 AM on September 16, 2011

SUSQUEHANNA HATS! My husband was killed wearing one of those cheap hats!
posted by blurker at 9:47 AM on September 16, 2011

Skygazer - I am, in fact, quite mad, and I happen to live on Bagel Street.
posted by Sophie1 at 10:35 AM on September 16, 2011

Oh, look, it's even a Googlenope!

Not anymore. We're goin' all meta here!
posted by Mcable at 10:52 AM on September 16, 2011

People really fainted at the sight of a hat? This does not speak of a robust personality.
posted by maxwelton at 11:56 AM on September 16, 2011

Straw boater and seersucker suit days have come and gone,
Waaake me up, when September ends
posted by longsleeves at 12:14 PM on September 16, 2011

Actually, I've been thinking about getting a straw boater. Can anyone recommend someone good online? Or is that the sort of thing one needs to do in person?
posted by Chrysostom at 12:50 PM on September 16, 2011

Sale of straw boaters is banned until next spring, sorry.
posted by longsleeves at 1:23 PM on September 16, 2011

I’m sorry Skygazer, I can’t sympathize with you either in this case.

>I think even the backwater little Mezzogiorno towns of Sicily have joined the rest of the civilized world since then and become proper consumers of Western (i.e., American) casual wear and instantly hip EU denizens…<

I really hope that was some sort of sarcasm that I just don’t get.
posted by bongo_x at 2:40 PM on September 16, 2011

I wish any kind of hat went with longish guy hair but I guess I'll have to accept that my hair is my hat.
posted by The Whelk at 2:56 PM on September 16, 2011

People really fainted at the sight of a hat? This does not speak of a robust personality.

Well, nowadays a lot of people seem to get the vapors at the sight of a turban or a headscarf, especially around airplanes or cameras. I guess fashions in wimpiness change, too.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:45 PM on September 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

I want the kind of hat The Shadow wore. Unfortunately, I can't find sources agreeing on what it was called.

I guess I'll just have to survive hatless.
posted by mephron at 3:48 PM on September 16, 2011

i caused a riot with my straw hat
and a traffic jam with my pants
when i wore my red silk tie, you know,
i made a couple of Frenchmen dance
my socks caused a fierce discussion
and my shoes caused a scuffle too
tomorrow i'm going out naked, y'all,
it's the only thing left to do
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:54 PM on September 16, 2011

hat

I had a bit of a dumb grin from leftover amusement after reading a couple previous posts, which immediately went away when I saw you were linking to Achewood.
posted by Evilspork at 1:57 AM on September 17, 2011

The Shadow knows, mephron. Only The Shadow knows.
posted by maryr at 9:32 PM on September 17, 2011 [1 favorite]