I have a relative, we'll call him Z, about 15 years younger than I am, who is severely autistic. As the article notes in passing, close family are the best guarantee of ongoing care after parents are gone. Z is unusually lucky in that his father can guarantee there will be enough money to provide the best of care, even after his parents are gone, but I (and other relatives) will be asked to supervise that care. Because many children with autism do die young, Z's grandparents bought an extra grave plot next to theirs (they both died about 15 years ago, when Z was about 8) in case he needed it untimely young, so that he wouldn't be alone in his eternal resting place. He was diagnosed very early, and while his grandparents, members of the Greatest Generation, were initially reluctant to see him "labeled" and it created a lot of family friction as they struggled to understand the diagnosis, them came to understand his autism and the final gift they left for him and his family was the grave site, if he needed it.posted by mathowie at 11:13 PM on September 18, 2011 [11 favorites]
Z's prognosis has been drastically helped by early intervention. (And this, incidentally, is what pisses me off about the "autism caused by vaccines" people -- they divert crucially important funds away from proven treatments, and prevent children from getting treatment than can help them.) Most important are a supportive community and a supportive family. Z has learned about money and normal daily interactions by visiting, routinely, certain restaurants and shops in his hometown, where everyone knows he is autistic and everyone follows his parents' lead on how to treat him. He has learned to make (slightly awkward) small talk with waitresses, to order food, to pay for meals, etc., by visiting the same places over and over who are kind and generous to him and his disability. We have found, to our great delight, that a great many people are willing to accommodate him -- even in foreign countries (even third-world countries), tour guides have been aware of "autism" and willing to help him out so he can go on the horse trek/kayak trip/whatever. The vast majority of people want him to have a happy childhood and a good experience -- it almost makes me cry how completely generous people are when asked.
I would sometimes babysit Z (happily, he can now look after himself for a day!). The first couple of times, he'd ask why and when I was coming over, and I said, "It's a date." "What's a date?" he asked. "A date is when you spend time with someone you really like," I told him. This pleased him immoderately. We spent a great deal of our date playing excruciatingly dull video games, but that's okay. His parents got to spend time alone together and, well, I blew some stuff up.
Z is extraordinarily lucky in that his parents can afford top-notch care for him, but the really crucial thing is a community and an extended family that understand and support autistic children and adults and help them function in the world. Sometimes it's a little like having a small child and having to develop an interest in things that you wouldn't otherwise be interested in -- Pokemon, say, or Bionicles. Learning the complex backstory and everything so you can discuss the intricacies with your autistic loved one.
As a result of having Z in my family, and loving him very much, I have become involved in the local school program that works with severely mentally disabled children who are still functional enough to live in the world, which strives to help them achieve independence. I don't know that I do that much good -- certainly not as much as their teachers! -- but I try to be there and work with them and make clear that they are just as normal as their peers at the regular-division schools. Because they are -- normal is a spectrum.
Z is doing well, and is in a supportive college program for students with high-functioning autism. I hope he will continue to do well, though he will always need support. And he is lucky that he has wealthy enough parents to provide support, even posthumously, and a large enough family that there will always be someone to look after him. My greatest hope is that the United States, as a society, learns to support children and adults like him, so that those without large families or wealthy parents will have the support they need.
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posted by the young rope-rider at 8:43 PM on September 18, 2011 [3 favorites]