Claim Denied: class 4 zombie attacks are considered an act of god

September 23, 2011 2:46 PM

Worried about paying for shotgun shells and chainsaw lubricant when the zombies eventually come? Zombie Apocolypse Insurance Company, LLC (ZAICO) has you covered.

-or-

My Zombie Insurance

-or-

Eighth Day International

-or-

Zombie Cover

posted by Terminal Verbosity (21 comments total)

There seems to be no way to kill this zombie fad.
posted by perhapses at 2:50 PM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

There seems to be no way to kill this zombie fad.

Double tap.
posted by kmz at 2:55 PM on September 23, 2011 [6 favorites]

Hmm, how comprehensive is this. I mean, would I be covered for acts of god?
posted by pmcp at 3:14 PM on September 23, 2011

If the zombies come, I'm not going to be worried too much about paying for supplies. I'll be too busy shaving my hair into a mohawk, putting on my football pads, and getting my maraud on.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:19 PM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

Double tap.

To the head. Remember, disable what's left of their brains.
posted by porpoise at 3:26 PM on September 23, 2011

I already have insurance.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 3:32 PM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

Double tap.

To the head. Remember, disable what's left of their brains.

Mozambique them.
posted by hal_c_on at 3:39 PM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

eyeballkid: “Ah yes, the comment pointing out that some other website in the Internet also linked to this, even though no one cares. Those seem to be even harder to kill than a zombie.”

Or is it the comment pointing out that the linked material is in fact of inferior quality, and more suited to a website of lower class than Metafilter?

Hard to tell here.
posted by koeselitz at 3:58 PM on September 23, 2011

You want a good pile of zombie stories? Check out the huge paperback collection "The Living Dead". It's got pretty much every take on the zombie thing and contains at least two absolutely terrifying stories.
posted by The Whelk at 4:08 PM on September 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

chainsaw lubricant

For fucking gently with?
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:24 PM on September 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

Serene Empress Dork wrote: chainsaw lubricant

For fucking gently with

Not so much on the gently.
posted by wierdo at 4:36 PM on September 23, 2011

Zombie Insurance? Sounds like a great way to separate stupid people from their money.

Of course, the whole Zombie cultural trend is nothing more than a way for people to express their dehumanization of The Other. Communists? Socialists? Muslims? Blacks? Asians? Mormons? Scientologists? Nah, they're nothing but Zombies. And as Brietbart points out, his group is the one with the guns, and that makes them the real humans. We can argue later whether they actually have any brains worth eating...
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:57 PM on September 23, 2011

Q. How do I prove I've suffered losses due to zombie attack?

A. ZAICO accepts video footage with the personal corroboration from three or more survivors of the incident AND dead-dead zombie bodies as evidence of zombie attack. Regular, dug-up dead people do not qualify.

I call foul. How the hell do you tell the difference between a dead zombie and a regular dug up dead person?

Pfft.

Con artists!!
posted by Skygazer at 5:08 PM on September 23, 2011

Coop, I've heard that a lot, Hiw they are a perfect medium for any anti social feelings, but the thing that gets me excited about zombie stories are the rebuilding/ well how could I fortify this apartment? Parts. The zombies are just ideal Mcguffins for lots of types of stories.

And again " The Living Dead" has every form of " zombie" , the one where people are paid huge " reverse mortage " sums to become slaves after they die to a new business elite was....chilling.
posted by The Whelk at 5:15 PM on September 23, 2011

I wish people had realized prior to the financial crisis that what AIG was claiming to insure makes just as much sense at this.
posted by jcreigh at 5:35 PM on September 23, 2011

Shotgun shells are ridiculously overpriced these days (about $1/shell; fire ~300 times and you could have bought a new, top-of-the-line pump-action shotgun). Once the dead walk the Earth, though, the price of ammo will fall just as fast as civilization. But really shotguns would be a weapon of last resort. There are no other readily-available weapons that are louder, and thus more likely to attract the living dead to your stronghold. Well, maybe chainsaws.
posted by Thoughtcrime at 6:03 PM on September 23, 2011

First it was robots, then dinosaurs, then pirates, now zombies. Where is this leading?
posted by warbaby at 8:31 PM on September 23, 2011

It just loops back to robots, then dinosaurs, etc...
posted by localhuman at 11:26 PM on September 23, 2011

Thoughtcrime, I regularly buy 12 gauge 2.75 inch 7.5 shot for less than 25 cents a shell. I'll admit that you want something beefier for killing zombies but your talkin 45 cents a round max.
posted by nestor_makhno at 10:59 AM on September 24, 2011

And new, top of the line shotguns cost way more than $300.
posted by nestor_makhno at 11:08 AM on September 24, 2011

First it was robots, then dinosaurs, then pirates, now zombies. Where is this leading?

Ninjas, of course.
posted by TrinsicWS at 2:35 AM on September 26, 2011