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The Aristocrats!
September 25, 2011 2:50 AM   Subscribe

Reddit now has over 2700 comments answering the question what is the most offensive, off-colour, disgusting joke you know?. These are NSFW, by definition.
posted by twoleftfeet (86 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Let's not -- mathowie



 
So... what do you call yourselves?
posted by louche mustachio at 2:56 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


By the way, there is a site devoted to the Aristocrats Joke. It encourages submissions from the public.
posted by twoleftfeet at 2:59 AM on September 25, 2011


In before deletion, but I did like this one:

What's the best part of sex with a transvestite?
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:06 AM on September 25, 2011 [17 favorites]


Lot of racist jokes in that thread.

I think you could historically trace offensive jokes and figure out where society is in terms of what shit it's currently trying to work out.
posted by seanyboy at 3:09 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Some of these were extremely funny. And crass.
posted by flippant at 3:09 AM on September 25, 2011


Though there is some comedy gold in there. I love the Jimmy Carr joke about Afghanistan and the paralympics team.
posted by seanyboy at 3:10 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


"Lot of racist jokes in that thread. "

repeated for emphasis..

Nice timing, if I was going to post this (which i wasn't), I would do it at 5:50 am on a Sunday too. Sort of like running that red light at 4:30 am.
posted by HuronBob at 3:12 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


In before deletion

Why?

Don't you dare delete this. Don't you dare pretend that this isn't funny.

It's almost 3000 comments now, less than 15 minutes after my post. Don't you dare delete this!
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:13 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


The Jimmy Carr one is offensive, but becomes a lot less so when you realise that the Paralympics started as a competition for British WWII veterans and that Carr almost certainly got that material from the soldiers themselves.
posted by MuffinMan at 3:14 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


What calls for the Aristocrat comparison? The Aristocrats! is a free-form template that has many famously delivered iterations. These jokes are low-brow circle-jerk fodder that are passed around by morons who mistake them for philosophy. The only surface commonality is the shock value, but it's a false one. Aristocrats is shocking for its graphical depiction of broken taboos. These jokes are shocking to specific demographics because they perpetuate false stereotypes and historical tragedies.

Wtf?
posted by troll at 3:16 AM on September 25, 2011 [6 favorites]


> I think you could historically trace offensive jokes and figure out where society is in terms of what shit it's currently trying to work out.

I think there was a bit in the movie about the aristocrats joke where someone made just that point that the emphasis of the offensive bits in the joke over time had moved between different topics (bodily fluids/sex/incest/violence/etc), and currently were a lot about race.
posted by bjrn at 3:19 AM on September 25, 2011


This is fucking horrible, lowest common denominator stuff. I like offensive material, Jerry Sadowitz for example, but he's clever and there is a core of truth at what he is getting at. These are just moronic playground jokes.

I am assuming you are drunk Twoleftfeet. I've got a feeling you might not want to see this thread when you've had some shut eye.
posted by ClanvidHorse at 3:28 AM on September 25, 2011


I am assuming you are drunk Twoleftfeet.

I'm not drunk. Reddit currently has even more than 3000 comments about this. At the current rate, there should be more than 6000 comments by the end of the day.

We can't all possibly be drunk, can we?
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:32 AM on September 25, 2011


Do not try this on AskMe, by the way.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:36 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Doomsaying a thread is an issue too guys, flag it and move on if you take issue, mods will be awake soon.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 3:37 AM on September 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


--Reddit currently has even more than 3000 comments about this.--

That's of no consequence in deciding whether something has potential merit as a post to the blue.
posted by peacay at 3:41 AM on September 25, 2011 [11 favorites]


The worst possible scenario is that mods will wake up and decide that a thread referencing the most offensive jokes is actually offensive and decide to delete, because, you know, somebody might think it was offensive.

Fuck that shit. There's something going on at this Reddit thread. It's interesting. It's offensive. But it's still the Best of the Web right now.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:43 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


On another tangent - Jimmy Carr co-wrote a fantastic book dissecting all manner of jokes, including offensive ones. He illustrates each section of the book with relevant jokes, both his own and others. It's a brilliant read.
posted by MuffinMan at 3:44 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


In a Venn diagram with circles labeled "Offensive" and "Best of the Web", there is no overlap. Sorry.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:49 AM on September 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


We can't all possibly be drunk, can we?

No, but there isn't much of a difference between drunk and stupid in any realm, least of all the internet. No one can tell which of the two the redditards are exhibiting, and that's the point, isn't it? Fucking troglodytes. GO BANG ROCKS MOTHERFUCKERS.
posted by troll at 3:49 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Don't you dare pretend that this isn't funny.

The bulk of it *wasn't* funny. Most of the jokes were old and stale and they start repeating after the first couple of hundred.

Offensive jokes don't bother me in the slightest. I make them by the busload.

This isn't the best of the web though. Far from it.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:52 AM on September 25, 2011 [5 favorites]


That'd make a great corpus.
posted by iamkimiam at 3:59 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


It was worth it for the transvestite joke.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 3:59 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


3100.

At this point, I'm just going to mark this out every hundred or so.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:01 AM on September 25, 2011


Let me know when the participants in that thread exceed the number of viewers of the Charlie Sheen Roast (which didn't get a MeFi post).
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:06 AM on September 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


Why would you do that?
posted by pompomtom at 4:07 AM on September 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


why?
posted by taff at 4:07 AM on September 25, 2011


Doomsaying a thread is an issue too guys

Ooooh that sounds like fun. Saying doom!

(Gets a black cloak, turns down the lights, points a flashlight up at my cowled face with one hand while pointing towards the thread with the other and striking a menacing pose)

"DOOOOM!"
posted by JHarris at 4:07 AM on September 25, 2011 [6 favorites]


Well I for one don't understand how anyone could find this kind of offensive, racist, sexist homophobic garbage funny. But then I find it hard to get jokes since a black man fucked me in the brain and made me retarded.
posted by Not Supplied at 4:10 AM on September 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


Three thousand Swiss parents complain about ‘Sex Box’for young children.

Cheney: Iraq needs more than three thousand American soldiers.

A History of Christianity: The First Three Thousand Years.

Virgil Moorefield – The Temperature In Hell Is Over Three Thousand Degrees.

Three thousand attend Crayon Shin-chan creator's funeral.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 4:12 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


99% of these are worthless trash, I guess partly because the criteria for inclusion do not include "funny". Reading the thread is like wading through a sewage treatment plant looking for the occasional glint of someone's lost engagement ring. Anyway:

When does a pentagon have 4 sides?
When it intersects a plane.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 4:17 AM on September 25, 2011 [11 favorites]


So everyone here likes offensive jokes, except the ones they find offensive, which of course should be banned. I think it was PJ O'Rourke who observed that everything has its funny side, even the time Helen Keller fell into a well and broke three fingers signalling for help.
posted by joannemullen at 4:20 AM on September 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


3200
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:26 AM on September 25, 2011


Dude, give it a rest. It's older than the bad jokes you linked to.
posted by smoke at 4:27 AM on September 25, 2011


I have a post I've been trying to put together about the old shock sites like Stile Project, Ogrish and Rotten.com and how beloved they were back in the day, unless you were one of the humorless bluenoses that just didn't get the joke. I wonder if I'll take as much heat for it as this post is getting?
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 4:28 AM on September 25, 2011


I personally find some of these extremely amusing.

"What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?"
"You can't take a joke."

Lulz etc.
posted by tumid dahlia at 4:33 AM on September 25, 2011 [7 favorites]


I'm not upset by offensive, politically-incorrect jokes - hell, my inbox is full of 'em - but most of them in that Reddit thread just aren't funny. The religious leaders who are kiddy fiddlers? Nah, not funny. Jews have big noses and are money-hungry? Nah, not funny. People with black skin are robbers and rapists? Nah, not funny.

Make me laugh out loud when I read it, and I'll flag it as outstanding. Until then, I'll roll my eyes (and I'll take an ounce of whatever you're on if you think they're hilarious).
posted by malibustacey9999 at 4:34 AM on September 25, 2011


So, Mathowie, Jessamyn, and Cortex walk into a talent agent's office.....
posted by schmod at 4:35 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Doesn't reddit does this at least once every couple of weeks? Why is this one different?
posted by chillmost at 4:37 AM on September 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


Deletions? Isn't that what African paedophiles get after they've been fucking baby monkeys with aids?
posted by Not Supplied at 4:45 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


So everyone here likes offensive jokes, except the ones they find offensive, which of course should be banned

It's not so much a question of what we like, or what should be banned, but what makes a good FPP. I thought some of those were funny, some were tired. But whatever the quality of the jokes 'here's a link to a thread on another incredibly well-known forum where people are posting offensive jokes' isn't a good post for Metafilter.
posted by Infinite Jest at 4:47 AM on September 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


I'm not linking to a static reference.

The current record for Reddit comments is 9098 for a post about pie.

The current record for Metafilter comments is the Sarah Palin post, at 5555.

Current projections indicate that the Reddit "most offensive jokes" post will hit 10,000 by end of day, making it the most commented post ever.

So yeah, I'm going to point that out.

3300.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:53 AM on September 25, 2011


Last Saturday I commented on a pointless post here saying "The weekend, when Metafilter turns into Reddit". Thank you for proving my point in such a literal fashion, now please stop it.
posted by datter at 4:53 AM on September 25, 2011 [6 favorites]


The weekend, when Metafilter turns into Reddit

No, this is the weekend where Metafilter talks about Reddit. That's what "meta" means.

At this point, I'm only going to mark increments of about 1000, Mod willing.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:00 AM on September 25, 2011


Well the good news, is exposure to this thread has enabled me to come up with a whole new 100% original paedophile based priest/iman/rabbi joke with the punchline "That's nothing. We've been fucking the Palestinian state for 40 years now and it hasn't even been born." Guaranteed offence taken for pretty much everyone.
posted by seanyboy at 5:00 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


3300.

You are being a complete jackass in this thread and I wish you would knock it off. There is zero reason for you to be pulling this odometer shit and you've been here long enough to know this is thread shitting and thread sitting, so I'm not sure what point you're trying to make.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:04 AM on September 25, 2011 [18 favorites]


The current record for Reddit comments is 9098 for a post about pie.

The current record for Metafilter comments is the Sarah Palin post, at 5555.

Current projections indicate that the Reddit "most offensive jokes" post will hit 10,000 by end of day, making it the most commented post ever.

So yeah, I'm going to point that out.

3300.
posted by twoleftfeet

So, whoever gets the most comments wins? No. I don't think Mefi works that way.

What part of Best Of The Web don't you understand?
posted by malibustacey9999 at 5:09 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


I hope cortex gets the deletion. And it better be fuckin' funny.
posted by gman at 5:10 AM on September 25, 2011 [5 favorites]


I think the "odometer" thing is supposed to be kind of like when Metafilter keeps posting updates in real time to a news event that's still developing. twoleftfeet seems to think that a reddit thread exceeding 10000 comments will be news worthy of such a treatment.
posted by Jpfed at 5:11 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


As a whole, those are exactly the kind of jokes told by people I have always liked least.
posted by pracowity at 5:15 AM on September 25, 2011 [6 favorites]


We have a flag for "offensive/sexism/racism". This thread is about finding the most offensive jokes. I think it's a bad post.

(Also, why the hell is a reddit post getting a lot of comments interesting in itself?)
posted by sveskemus at 5:16 AM on September 25, 2011


So everyone here likes offensive jokes, except the ones they find offensive that aren't funny, which of course should be banned mocked and criticized.

Fixed that for you.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:16 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


"This is fucking horrible, lowest common denominator stuff. I like offensive material, Jerry Sadowitz for example, but he's clever and there is a core of truth at what he is getting at."

It was Jerry Sadowitz who said that being offended is a tax you pay so you can enjoy jokes that offend other people.
posted by fraac at 5:17 AM on September 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


Best joke I heard recently:

I've never recovered from the time I was kidnapped by a mime troupe; they performed unspeakable acts on me.
posted by Abiezer at 5:17 AM on September 25, 2011 [23 favorites]


I think if you paid Matt enough, he could update the FPP with your comment count in real time so you don't have to keep doing it here in the thread... You could, like, e/mail him every time there is a new comment...

or not
posted by HuronBob at 5:18 AM on September 25, 2011


Anyone taking bets on which Mod will get to experience that "Oh, shit...." moment?
posted by HuronBob at 5:19 AM on September 25, 2011


Is this thread the MeTa ?
posted by infini at 5:19 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'd be grateful, on behalf of a lot of people, if the best ones could be reposted here. Cheers.
posted by fraac at 5:22 AM on September 25, 2011


Here's some of the shiny nuggets from the link you're so proud of, just for the record:
Man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Can I get some birth control for my 10 year old daughter? The pharmacist says "You have a sexually active 10 year old daughter!? The man says "Sexually active?", "Hell no!, She just lies there and cries most of the time".

I feel like pedophiles get a bad rep, people should feel bad for them, they have a hard time fitting in.

How does a black woman know she's pregnant?
When she pulls out the tampon, the cottons already been picked.

What's black and sleeps with my daughter?
Nothing, because I'm a good father.

What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps?
Phelps can finish a race.

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None..he fell.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:23 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: can take two dicks
posted by crayz at 5:24 AM on September 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


I wonder if one of the junior mods is actually awake and aware but on the fence about this. If so, please hop off and delete this already.
posted by Gator at 5:27 AM on September 25, 2011


MetaFilter: can take two dicks

That was the other good joke on there.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:31 AM on September 25, 2011


".....aware but on the fence about this..."

That's possible?
posted by HuronBob at 5:31 AM on September 25, 2011


Someone just posted at Reddit that this thread has 63 comments..
posted by HuronBob at 5:32 AM on September 25, 2011 [18 favorites]


More nuggets of gold from this comedy gold mine someone is insisting is so freaking awesome, from someone who seems to collect them:
Sorry, but I really have a lot for this one. Sheepish grin

I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!" Kinky bitch.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.

Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.

Josef Fritzl; Putting the 'semen' back into 'basement'.

What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You just KNOW she'll swallow.

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
Oh, an it's growing so fast you say, adding hundreds of comments and more jokes like this by the minute? That's so very special, thank you for finding this link and sharing it with the class.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:34 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Someone just posted at Reddit that this thread has 63 comments..

Oh God no, they can see us! Somebody turn out that light!
posted by penduluum at 5:35 AM on September 25, 2011 [5 favorites]


Next time just link to a photo set of giant piles of shit, please.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 5:38 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Hey Brandon, everybody on MeFi has the option not to follow that link...until you take that option away. Thanks.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 5:43 AM on September 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


If something good is to come from this thread it is that I get to tell people about Gershon Legman's magnificent 1500-page monograph Rationale of the Dirty Joke.
posted by escabeche at 5:48 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


lol this thread has 69 comments

I just ruined it
posted by King Bee at 5:49 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Someone just posted at Reddit that this thread has 63 comments..

63 comments and about 5 jokes. Come on metafilter, throw down.
posted by Not Supplied at 5:51 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


I laughed at the three on Christopher Reeves, Virginia Tech, and 9/11, but overall they're more offensive that funny. And they're mostly repeats after the first 1000 comments or so.

There is however one real gem in that thread, the link to sickipedia.org, which has vastly funnier jokes.

In fact, I'd vote for deleting this thread if someone reposts sickipedia.org. I guess twoleftfeet could repost this reedit as a comment there, making it easier for people to ignore.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:51 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Come on metafilter, throw down.

Some corkers from that thread:

What do you do when you see a nigger with half a head? Stop laughing and reload.

When is the only time you smile and wink at a nigger? When you're looking at him through a scope.

Niggers smell like Pencil Shavings. No but seriously these type of posts are usually a free for all on black people.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:53 AM on September 25, 2011


"Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman"

I loled. The less clever ones are best.
posted by fraac at 5:53 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Hey dude. While we're here, what was up with that AskMe a couple days ago?
posted by gman at 5:55 AM on September 25, 2011


You monsters are gonna feel s00000 dumb when the post-count gets to 3400.
posted by NolanRyanHatesMatches at 5:55 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


I had a moment of quiet satisfaction when I saw Reddit posted on the Front Page of Metafilter. I've been checking out the links on Reddit for 8 years or so but only joined as a member 2 months ago. Why? I believe the site has grown in maturity-- it really isn't the fanboy boyzone that it once was. Recently I found myself reading and appreciating askreddit threads like "What did you think you were getting away with as a kid that you now suspect your parents knew?" I joined so that I could opt in for subreddits like Woodworking and Botanical Porn. I joined because I wanted to participate in cooking questions like "What is a good Beer and Cheese Soup Recipe?"

So imagine my horror when the Reddit post that showed up here was this. I like a good joke. I'm not that bothered about "good taste." But when the punchline depends on bigoted stereotypes, I just can't get past the ugliness to find the humor.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:56 AM on September 25, 2011 [7 favorites]


Here's a sick joke. A guys walks into a bar with a small girl and says to the bartender "I'd like a whiskey. And I could I get another one for the little girl?" And the bartender says, "I can't serve whiskey to a little girl." And the guy says, "Really, why not? Did you know she was blind?"

The little girl, who is really blind, hears this and says "it's OK if I don't have a whiskey, because when my parents died I learned to deal with the harsh reality of death, so whiskey won't really change that. This guy is my uncle, and he has done his best to take care of me, even when he lost his job at the factory. We don't have health care, so he doesn't have a way to get treatment for his alcoholism, but he has been begging on the streets to get cans of tuna fish to feed me, and I really respect him for that."

And the bartender says, "Yes, I hear that a lot these days."
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:57 AM on September 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


A lot of people sure are ate up with...something...in this thread.

Not sure if it's the confirmation bias for this to be a worthwhile post a la - reddit is posting a lot non-justification justification, or the "We are sooo much more urbane than reddit, that this is beneath us."

Either way, it seems as though an ignored thread with a lot of reports gets deleted more quickly than others...just sayin
posted by AndrewKemendo at 6:01 AM on September 25, 2011


Via Sickipedia, this one was funny:

I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.

It was a ridiculously long name.

posted by Faint of Butt at 6:01 AM on September 25, 2011 [13 favorites]


Dude, don't make mefi into meta talk. For the record, some of the jokes were funny, and I pity the people who find no humour in 3000 offensive jokes, but the post and follow up suck.
posted by bystander at 6:02 AM on September 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Yep, there's a good reason why one of the flag reasons is "offensive/sexism/racism".
posted by crossoverman at 6:04 AM on September 25, 2011


you know, of course, that by posting that comment, you're no longer a "bystander", right?
posted by HuronBob at 6:05 AM on September 25, 2011


I've been checking out the links on Reddit for 8 years or so

Interestingly enough Reddit has only been around for just under 6 years. Fun facts.
posted by AndrewKemendo at 6:07 AM on September 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


Two guys go on a weekend getaway to the woods. They agree to go their separate ways and meet back up on Sunday. When they do, first guy asks second guy how his getaway was.

"Oh man it was awesome, I swam naked in the river and caught a fish and cooked it on my campfire, just what I needed! How about you?"

First guy smiles. "You'll never believe this. I was walking along and I came to these train tracks. I followed them for a while and lo and behold and I find a young woman tied to the tracks! So I untie her and we just have the craziest sex imaginable all weekend, every position you can think of."

"Oh man that's awesome, did she give you a blowjob?"

First guy frowns.

"No, I couldn't find her head."
posted by nathancaswell at 6:10 AM on September 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


Interestingly enough Reddit has only been around for just under 6 years. Fun facts.

Really? Seems longer than that. But that's why I used the phrase "around 8 years or so" because I didn't write it down in my diary. Dear Diary, today I found a new web site...
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:10 AM on September 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


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