*crunch*

September 26, 2011 9:42 AM

'Doritos Creator Dead, to be Buried with Chips.' Arch West, a former Frito-Lay executive and creator of Doritos, will be buried with the chips that made him famous.
posted by Fizz (121 comments total)

no dip?
posted by jonmc at 9:43 AM on September 26, 2011 [5 favorites]

Good night, sweet corn based calorie product.
posted by The Whelk at 9:43 AM on September 26, 2011

Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?
posted by Fizz at 9:44 AM on September 26, 2011

The worms won't touch them.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 9:45 AM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I will east some Zesty Mordant chips tonight in his honour.
posted by mazola at 9:46 AM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Maybe the gone but not forgotten Black Pepper Jack...
posted by jonmc at 9:46 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Internationally, the company has developed nearly 100 flavors, some of which have been discontinued.

I see "tastes like ass" is still the #1 seller.
posted by stormpooper at 9:47 AM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

The man was a genius, He crammed the flavor of a Big Mac into a chip, molecular gastonomy at it's finest!
posted by Ad hominem at 9:47 AM on September 26, 2011 [6 favorites]

Man, this feels like FARK. Carry on.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:48 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

no dip?

You should be locked up for even suggesting such blasphemy.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:48 AM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Somehow I doubt that today's Doritos are at all similar to Doritos at the moment of their creation, except superficially.
posted by ofthestrait at 9:48 AM on September 26, 2011

I see "tastes like ass" is still the #1 seller.

You shut your face. Doritos, a slice of cheese, mustard, and two pieces of bread have gotten me through some tough university times. The poor-man's sandwich my friend. He will be missed.

.
posted by Fizz at 9:48 AM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Doritos are not scary or particularly unnatural (other than some of their flavorings). They're notable as they took something which much of southern North and Central America were already consuming on a daily basis--tortillas--and put them into the salty hands of mainstream America (and other countries, I see).

Good for this guy. He rode the great crunchy wave, and it sounds like he had a nice long ride.

.
posted by kinnakeet at 9:49 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Finally selling this on this side of the border.. Wouldn't be possible w/o the original. And for that I say mil gracias.
posted by birdherder at 9:50 AM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I was at a wedding of two well-known mefites and one of the refreshments offered was Doritos. Those two are probably deep in mourning by now.
posted by jonmc at 9:51 AM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

∆
posted by matt_od at 9:54 AM on September 26, 2011 [57 favorites]

During the graveside service, his family has plans to toss Doritos chips in "before they put the dirt over the urn"...

Is it wrong that reading this sentence made me really want doritos?
posted by janerica at 9:56 AM on September 26, 2011 [6 favorites]

Doritos and cottage cheese, I'm telling you, is a taste sensation. We ate it yesterday and now will again tonight in Mr. West's honor.

∆ indeed.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:56 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Centuries from now archaeologists will present their theory of 21st century burial rites and how the most power and rich were buried with magical food items to consume in the after-life. They will submit that Dorito Man must have been a powerful king to be buried with so much of the food that followed him to the grave. Years later an artisanal food creation neutral network will try to reproduce the complex flavors of the Holy Dori-To only to end up with the flavor of tobacco; it's a huge success.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:56 AM on September 26, 2011 [10 favorites]

Future archaeologists are going to dig him up in 1000 years, perfectly preserved thanks to the chips. Then we'll see who spent their life eating "junk" food.

Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?

I believe the answer is "Ghoul Ranch."
posted by griphus at 9:56 AM on September 26, 2011 [8 favorites]

His neighbors will undoubtedly complain of the noise.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 9:56 AM on September 26, 2011

I was in Flushing (a predominantly Chinese and Korean section of Queens) awhile back and in a snack shop, I found some Garlic Flavored Doritos that we badass. Haven't seen 'em since.
posted by jonmc at 9:57 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

After the apocalypse, people will dig him up, and these chips will become artifacts divided among the discoverers. Generations later, someone will quest to bring them all together into one giant Dorito to unleash their magic power and save the world.
posted by ignignokt at 9:57 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

I have the most amazing urge for cool ranch chips right now and I blame you, Metafilter.
posted by The Whelk at 9:58 AM on September 26, 2011

Here's a list of the 102 flavors.
posted by TheRedArmy at 9:58 AM on September 26, 2011 [9 favorites]

How very unsavoury.
posted by Decani at 9:59 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Personally, I'd rather be buried with packing peanuts, but since I didn't invent them, it wouldn't be appropriate.
posted by Obscure Reference at 10:01 AM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Mass quantities for eternity. The stench would be great.
posted by tommasz at 10:01 AM on September 26, 2011

I have the most amazing urge for cool ranch chips right now and I blame you, Metafilter.

Same here, and I haven't wanted Doritos in the longest time. If the marketing department thought this idea up it's brilliant.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 10:01 AM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

The best of the 102 being 'Roe and Mayonnaise.'
posted by TheRedArmy at 10:01 AM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Centuries from now archaeologists will present their theory of 21st century burial rites

Will they find out information about our culture from cached AOL '95 pages? Will they call them the Dead Web Scrolls?
posted by Malice at 10:01 AM on September 26, 2011

Eat all you want! He'll make m--

Oh. I suppose not.

.
posted by brundlefly at 10:02 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

...buried with the chips that made him famous.

Was he famous, though? We all know the chips, but I've never heard of this guy before. I don't think he was famous, not in the way that William Waldorf's hotel salad, Herman Lay's chips or the Earl of Sandwich are.
posted by ceribus peribus at 10:02 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Goodbye, Mr. Chips!
posted by benzenedream at 10:03 AM on September 26, 2011 [10 favorites]

Oooo. Matt_od beat me to it.
Oh well...traditional.






.
posted by hot_monster at 10:03 AM on September 26, 2011

.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:04 AM on September 26, 2011

Doritos and cottage cheese, I'm telling you, is a taste sensation.

One of my all-time favorite snacks, and so easy to make!
posted by wallabear at 10:04 AM on September 26, 2011

Will they find out information about our culture from cached AOL '95 pages?

They'll find millions of AOL discs, and know that the cult believed that America could be transferred online and digitized, and that one's freedom was rated in "Free Hours" before payment was due. The discs were buried by the millions, so the free hours in the digital afterlife would not run short.

Dorito man will have had the foresight to bring the food, for the AOL Afterlife Party.
posted by yeloson at 10:06 AM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

If we have to be buried with that for which we are best known, I guess they'll just be throwing in one bad decision after another when they put me in the ground.

I'm sure this fellow was a nice guy, but I never cared much for Doritos.
posted by HuronBob at 10:06 AM on September 26, 2011

Doritos and cottage cheese, I'm telling you, is a taste sensation.

Either Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese with sour cream. I will be eating this tonight.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 10:09 AM on September 26, 2011

93 Wasabi
94 Wasabi Mayo

Why can't we get these in America. Any MeFites live where you can get these ? We need a MeFi snack exchange.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:10 AM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

This is one of those items that if you barf it up once, you never, ever want to see, taste, or especially SMELL them ever again. Never mind how I know. I just know.

Beautiful story, isn't it?
posted by theredpen at 10:10 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was just a little buck, and it was derby day. Dad and me and Daryl out on San Pablo bay. Taco flavored Doritos and an orange life vest. Dad caught a 100lb sturgeon on 10lb test....
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 10:13 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Here's a list of the 102 flavors.


I picture a young rebel w/out a cause type walking out of his office muttering in anger after his brilliant blue cheese and cod milt dorito flavor was turned down by the suits in Dallas "I gotta get to Asia, they'll appreciate my genius there"
posted by JPD at 10:14 AM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

69 Seaweed

I would like to second the snack exchange. I have access to Kinder Eggs.
posted by janepanic at 10:14 AM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

There's not much in life better than Turkish Doritos.
posted by dvdgee at 10:16 AM on September 26, 2011

Okay, fine, I will be THAT person.

During the graveside service, his family has plans to toss Doritos chips in "before they put the dirt over the urn," West's daughter Jana Hacker told The Dallas Morning News.

Laugh and snark all you want, but I find this really touching. My 92-year-old grandma passed away a few years ago. After the funeral and before the graveside service, my ~13 cousins and I (whom I never see, due to distance) all discovered that one of our predominant shared memories was the reliable stash of Hershey bars that Grandma kept around in the event of a grandkid visit.

We cousins were the pallbearers, and at the graveside service the funeral director had instructed us to remove our corsages and place them on the casket after maneuvering it into place. In addition to the corsages, we all put a handful of Hershey miniatures on the casket (which made our mothers bawl).

The Doritos thing may sound tacky to some, but it's a really sweet and personal gesture from the man's family, and I bet he'd appreciate it. I *know* they'll remember it fondly.
posted by mudpuppie at 10:17 AM on September 26, 2011 [30 favorites]

Odd coincidence for me. Just last week I learned that the inventor of Pringles asked to be cremated and buried in a Pringles can.
posted by ErikaB at 10:21 AM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

i am moments away from shuffling down to the bodega in my pajamas, nose streaming horrible toxic snots, for a dorito devouring mission.

CURSE YOU METAFILTER
posted by elizardbits at 10:23 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

While a lot of you get the urge to eat Doritos, I got the urge to light up a fat one and THEN eat bags of Doritos when I read this.

God bless this man for inventing the perfect munchie munch.

.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:24 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was in Dublin with my wife, walking back to our hotel from a quick trip to Marks & Spencer. I get it in my head that I'm hungry and a quick snack would do. My wife is not hungry, but she's a bit thirsty. I pop into a corner shop, and lo and behold! A bag of Doritos for less than €1!

On the bag it proclaims "AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FLAVOR." No, just plain ol' Doritos. Granted, they may be more authentic than Irish "salsa," which is just chunky ketchup, but that's not saying much.
posted by infinitewindow at 10:27 AM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

When they dig him up, all his little undesirable bones will be at the bottom. His discoverers will argue about whether the grave really should have had more bones in it for that size grave. And they will argue about whether the bones with more, or fewer, crumbly bits are the best bones. BUT NONE WILL GAINSAY THAT THEY ARE DELICIOUS

∆
posted by mindsound at 10:29 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

You have to lick before you eat. House rules. And sometimes the cat even lets you have some.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:29 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why can't we get these in America. Any MeFites live where you can get these ?

Try neighborhoods with heavy Asian populations.
posted by jonmc at 10:30 AM on September 26, 2011

Oddly enough, a while back when a close friend of mine's aged cat passed, we buried it in my backyard, with a small bag of it's favourite flavour of doritos. So this won't be the first chip burial.

(and no she didn't feed it chips all the time - just little tastes, because the cat went nuts for them)
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:30 AM on September 26, 2011

My god, his breath must be TERRIBLE!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:31 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

21 orange fingered salute!
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 10:32 AM on September 26, 2011

who that cat's? I bet, he has been buried for 2 years
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:32 AM on September 26, 2011

        ∆
       ∆∆
      ∆∆∆
     ∆∆∆∆
    ∆∆∆∆∆
   ∆∆∆∆∆∆
  ∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
 ∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

The Great Pyramid of Nacho Cheese-a.
posted by griphus at 10:34 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

At the visitation, friends and family will serve bags of Doritos and cans of Mountain Dew. Joints and videogame consoles will be available.
posted by Foam Pants at 10:35 AM on September 26, 2011

... geez, I'm sniffling a tiny bit. I grew up on Doritos. They were my discouraged junk food as a kid and they are my emotional comfort food as an adult. Now my 3-year-old daughter searches the house every morning in case I left some "daddy crumbles" out. This guy invented my wonderful awful escapist food and now I'm actually sad. Rest in peace, man.
posted by mindsound at 10:36 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

People, you are missing the big story here: this man invented Doritos and yet lived to be 97.

There's hope yet.
posted by chavenet at 10:47 AM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

i am moments away from shuffling down to the bodega in my pajamas, nose streaming horrible toxic snots, for a dorito devouring mission.

You have a bodega in your pajamas? That must be super convenient.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:47 AM on September 26, 2011 [13 favorites]

byt the end he was more chip than man
posted by The Whelk at 10:48 AM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

Not for the bodgea. Pants are a bad neighborhood. Full of assholes.
posted by jonmc at 10:49 AM on September 26, 2011 [11 favorites]

Buried by weight not volume.
posted by pianomover at 10:51 AM on September 26, 2011 [5 favorites]

I always assumed Avery Schreiber invented Doritos.
posted by mazola at 10:51 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Man, imagine the burial if he had been the inventor of pop rocks.
posted by zippy at 10:56 AM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

I wonder how they'll memorialize CheetosFucker when his time comes.
posted by homunculus at 10:57 AM on September 26, 2011

True to form, the coffin was way too big. Half of it was practically just filled with air!
posted by TheRedArmy at 10:58 AM on September 26, 2011 [5 favorites]

Why can't we get these in America. Any MeFites live where you can get these ? We need a MeFi snack exchange.

I am here to report from my trip to Spain that they have jamon flavored Pringles all over the place there. I didn't try them.
posted by LionIndex at 10:59 AM on September 26, 2011

I am here to report from my trip to Spain that they have jamon flavored Pringles all over the place there. I didn't try them.

I wish had the ability to see weird foreign snack food products without buying them, it would have saved me buying a lot of terrible potato chips every time I leave the US.

Seriously, roasted chicken? FUCK YOU CANADA.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:01 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Great Pyramid of Nacho Cheese-a.

One of the lesser Fall tracks.
posted by Beardman at 11:04 AM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

I used to LOVE Doritos. I thought that I did, but I knew not of love, until one afternoon I was at Derek's house and his mom gave us what was clearly a bag of Doritos, but the bag was blue and black. Cool Ranch Doritos! They were so good, SO good. My mind reeled as I stuffed more and more in my face - I simply could not comprehend that someone had set out to improve the most perfect food in the world, and had actually succeeded. Reach for the stars, baby!

Then, of course, they improved them AGAIN. Not with a new taste, but with a new (and very much appreciated) safety feature. Rounded off points! The fucking chips were so good that I'd push them in my mouth faster than I could deal with and end up gouging jagged meat-trenches into my soft palate. The rounded corners have saved me so much pain and suffering.
posted by dirtdirt at 11:05 AM on September 26, 2011 [6 favorites]

Hey, it's just like this stupid commercial. It's even dumber than I remember.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 11:07 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

So long and thanks for all the (delicious, delicious Cool Ranch) calories.

.
posted by Chichibio at 11:09 AM on September 26, 2011

Only 1 shrimp and mayo Doritos left on amazon.

But plenty of Chicken and Salsa

You can sign up to be notified when Ceasar Salad and Gourmet Sausage and Soy Sauce and Mayo become available

I am personally excited about Croque Monsieur so I've signed up.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:12 AM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

"...as if millions of stoners cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I feel something terrible has happened."
posted by valkyryn at 11:12 AM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Frito-Laid to rest
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:22 AM on September 26, 2011 [7 favorites]

At around the same time [late '90's], due to the popularity of Frito-Lay's Tostitos, the unflavored Toasted Corn Doritos were discontinued.

A non-taste of what might have been...

D.I.P.
posted by obscurator at 11:30 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

I've heard Taco Bell is demoing a new Dorito shell for some tacos. Sure it's garbage from a variety of angles, but part of me is intrigued. Both are guilty pleasures I'd never even considered combining.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 11:41 AM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh shit! One of those snack changes I actually remember was when they went from Cool Ranch to Cooler Ranch for the Doritos. And I've been curious about the "Original" flavor ones I saw at Jon's the other day.

And Cool Ranch jammed into a PB&J sandwich is flat-out awesome.

Final note of awesomeness: In Amsterdam, instead of calling them Cool Ranch, they call them Cool American. Which made my brother and I feel like the most badass stoners in the world.
posted by klangklangston at 11:45 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Gotta salute a Real American.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:50 AM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, and the Natural Ranch ones if you can ever find them are far, far more delicious than they have any right to be.
posted by klangklangston at 11:51 AM on September 26, 2011

Taco bell with Doritos shell
posted by Ad hominem at 11:53 AM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

IN MY MOUTH

RIGHT THE FUCK NOW
posted by griphus at 11:58 AM on September 26, 2011

People, you are missing the big story here: this man invented Doritos and yet lived to be 97.

Well, it said he invented them, not that he ate them.

(You're either the pusher or the user, can't be both)
posted by dirigibleman at 12:07 PM on September 26, 2011

Seriously, roasted chicken? FUCK YOU CANADA.

We deserve that.
posted by Intrepid at 12:08 PM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I never know whether to laugh or cry when I read something that sounds like it should come from the Onion but is, in fact, reality.
posted by asnider at 12:09 PM on September 26, 2011

Les Claypool said he likes to feed a Dorito to a fish before he tosses it back into the water. He likens it to an alien abduction situation.

∆
posted by Sailormom at 12:11 PM on September 26, 2011 [9 favorites]

From article: In 1961, while on vacation in San Diego, West tried fried tortilla chips for the first time at a local snack shack.

This amazes me. A snack food executive had never eaten a tortilla chip by the age of 50? Could it be that the ubiquitous "free and bottomless at every Mexican restaurant" tortilla chip was this much of exotic food item before 1960?
posted by dgaicun at 12:50 PM on September 26, 2011

dgaicun, I think that I may not have seen a Mexican restaurant, growing up in the Midwest, until I moved to Chicago in 1977.

Also, let us remember him not only for the snack, but for the pubic grooming style. [NSFW and pretty hilarious]
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:53 PM on September 26, 2011

I find this very touching, too.

When I was a very little ApathyGirl, my grandmother would always have one of the little boxes of Barnum's animal crackers in her freezer for me when I would visit which the box, after devouring the contents, would be repurposed as a little purse, obviously. When she died, I snuck a box into her casket. It was the most fitting way to honor I could think of.
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:53 PM on September 26, 2011 [4 favorites]

There is no word in the English language to accurately describe that particular feeling of regret one feels when experiencing the weird Doritos aftertaste hours after consuming them. Remember the "Late Night Taco" and "Late Night Cheeseburger" varieties that they had a few months ago? Those flavors in particular were an unnatural abomination, and yet I was compelled to eat them, for reasons only God and my taste buds know for sure, full well knowing that an hour later, my mouth would feel ashamed and dirty, like it had just had a tawdry affair a cheap hotel.
Now it's that damned Sweet Chili flavor. Not as unnatural as the "Late Night" series, but it's own version of hell. I'm fairly sure the person in charge of the flavorings is Dr. Moreau.
posted by Dr. Zira at 12:56 PM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Would you folks think less of someone if a few months ago, after first hearing of the Doritos shell at Taco Bell, he went to Taco Bell specifically to have it, only to be disappointed that it was just being tested at certain places, so he buys a Taco Bell taco salad so that he can take it home and make mini-Doritos shelled tacos with the ingredients?

This is, of course, a hypothetical situation. A delicious hypothetical situation.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:58 PM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wadya'noe, here I thought tortilla chips were some ancient Aztec staple, but they were invented in America in the late 1940s:

"In the late 1940s, the Carranza family's Los Angeles-based El Zarape Tortilla Factory began making tortillas by machine, but at first many of the corn and flour disks were misshapen and had to be thrown away.

Ms. Carranza took some of the rejects home for a party, cut them into triangles and fried them. They were a huge hit with her guests and she began selling them for 10 cents a bag. By the 1960s the Tort Chips, as they were called, were El Zarape's main business."

Carranza lived to 98. I'm beginning to think there is some connection between longevity and snacky innovation. I'd better go start coating things in chocolate and cheese until I stumble on something great.
posted by dgaicun at 1:01 PM on September 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Natural Ranch - if they're anywhere as good as the Natural Cheetos, I bet they are tastier than they have any right to be. I might have to pick some up.

When I first saw them, I thought Natural Cheetos were the stupidest oxymoron name I'd ever seen...but damn...so tasty.
posted by epersonae at 1:15 PM on September 26, 2011

The Natural Doritos are freaking delicious. I swear they taste better than the regular ones.

R.I.D. (Rest In Doritos), Mr. West.
posted by Specklet at 1:23 PM on September 26, 2011

So, did any of you actually click on birdherder's link? I'll wait here.
















Porcine Free.

I don't think I've laughed so hard at marketing speak since fat free water became a thing.

∆
posted by Space Kitty at 1:26 PM on September 26, 2011

Porcine Free.

I'm guessing that means It's (not really) kosher!
posted by Sys Rq at 1:43 PM on September 26, 2011

not walking tacos. for cannibals.
posted by machaus at 1:47 PM on September 26, 2011

At my grandmother's wake, she was laid out with a nosegay, a handful of flowers, in her hands. The next morning, as we went to close the casket before the funeral, all of us suddenly realized that my brother had switched the nosegay with several huge sprigs of parsley, her favorite herb--fresh from her garden. We all began laughing and it was a nice tribute to her.
posted by ColdChef at 3:01 PM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also: you wouldn't believe what some people bury folks with. Liquor, smokes, cheeseburgers, guns, iPhones...I've seen just about everything. We even buried a guy with his motorcycle. True story.
posted by ColdChef at 3:03 PM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Jerk stole my idea.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:29 PM on September 26, 2011

GG Allin in his coffin.
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:36 PM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

.

godspeed Mr. West.

otoh

obligatory

and

obligatory
posted by toodleydoodley at 5:04 PM on September 26, 2011

OK these aren't Doritos but I'm terribly hooked. I just needed to type this out and put it out there. Frankly this is a cry for help.

Zapp's Spicy Creole Tomato spiked with Tobasco Sauce.
posted by floam at 5:39 PM on September 26, 2011

My grandmother used to say "They taste awful, but you just can't stop eating them."
posted by 4ster at 6:34 PM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

Nacho cheese Doritos, Dr. Pepper through a silly straw from the 2 liter bottle on the floor by my bed and a pile of excellent books was my summer vacation for several years in my youth. Praise whatever gods there may be that they hadn't invented the Hot wings and Blue Cheese collision flavor back then or I may never have come out of my room again
posted by Redhush at 6:54 PM on September 26, 2011

I had some grilled-squid-with-soy-sauce Doritos here in Japan several weeks ago

they were appalling



no one was surprised
posted by DoctorFedora at 7:18 PM on September 26, 2011

Years ago I had a brief summer job in a plant that produced, among other things, Doritos.

Now I never had a taste for those chips -- they weren't my snack of choice -- but after working there, I swore I'd never, ever eat them even if I were starving with no other food options available.

The chips were made in one part of the plant, but they were packaged in another area of the building. In order to get the chips from the manufacturing location to the packaging location, they were dumped into larger metal troughs/hoppers that ran along the ceiling of the plant. The troughs/hoppers/call-them-what-you-will shook from side to side, thereby moving the chips along their merry way.

Now the problem with Doritos is that they have that nasty, smelly powdery coating on them, and as you shake them, the coating comes off and it sticks to the sides of the troughs.

So after years of making these chips, you'd think the company would have found a high-tech, efficient way to clean the hoppers. Right?

Think again.

The solution (at that time -- I have no idea what the current procedure is) was to get somebody -- when I was there it was typically one of the summer students -- to place a large, clear plastic garbage bag over each leg and over each arm and crawl inside the troughs. Then, while inching along on hands and knees, wipe the Doritos powder off the bottom and sides of the trough. Besides the paper towel the lucky cleaner would have a trowel to use to scrape the flavour coatings off the trough. Of course since the troughs were designed to move, they'd sway and shake as the employee inched along the route. And keep in mind this was all done at a height.

After you were finished you'd smell like Doritos. The odour gets in your skin and in your hair and is hard to wash out. To this day, just the smell of Doritos is enough to make me want to run for the hills.
posted by sardonyx at 7:48 PM on September 26, 2011 [9 favorites]

God damn, sardonyx. I wonder how many of these summer students go on to develop Dorito Lung?
posted by floam at 8:59 PM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Dorito Lung? I hope that's one of the 102 flavors.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 10:26 PM on September 26, 2011 [3 favorites]

Fark Headline: Creator of Doritos dead at 97 of nachoral causes
posted by acyeager at 10:58 PM on September 26, 2011 [7 favorites]

The best of the 102 being 'Roe and Mayonnaise.'

NonononoNO. The best has got to be BACON flavor.

We need a MeFi snack exchange.

I would absolutely be down with this.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:45 AM on September 27, 2011

The best of the 102 being 'Roe and Mayonnaise.'


Wasn't Roe and Mayonnaise the duet who sang "Reunited" back in the 70s?
posted by 4ster at 6:01 AM on September 27, 2011

I've already been associating Doritos with "Throw them down a hole and bury them" and "Death" for some time now.

The living don't need them, and they can do no further harm to the dead.

.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 8:21 AM on September 27, 2011

Future archaeologists are going to dig him up in 1000 years, perfectly preserved thanks to the chips. Then we'll see who spent their life eating "junk" food.

New flavor: Natron. Because one should think of a shriveled, unnaturally-colored corpse when thinking about synth-flavored industrial snack-chips.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 8:36 AM on September 27, 2011

Animals Eating Doritos
posted by troublewithwolves at 10:16 AM on September 27, 2011

Animals Eating Doritos

Still doesn't make it food.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 11:00 AM on September 27, 2011

acyeager: "Fark Headline: Creator of Doritos dead at 97 of nachoral cause"

Sweet Jesus, I wish I had thought of that.
posted by brundlefly at 5:42 PM on September 29, 2011