Comments on: crunch

crunch

Fizz — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:42:24 -0800

'Doritos Creator Dead, to be Buried with Chips.' Arch West, a former Frito-Lay executive and creator of Doritos, will be buried with the chips that made him famous.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:43:17 -0800

no dip?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:43:41 -0800

Good night, sweet corn based calorie product.

By: Fizz

Fizz — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:44:47 -0800

Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?

By: Crabby Appleton

Crabby Appleton — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:45:18 -0800

The worms won't touch them.

By: mazola

mazola — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:46:12 -0800

I will east some Zesty Mordant chips tonight in his honour.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:46:41 -0800

Maybe the gone but not forgotten Black Pepper Jack...

By: stormpooper

stormpooper — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:47:24 -0800

Internationally, the company has developed nearly 100 flavors, some of which have been discontinued. I see "tastes like ass" is still the #1 seller.

By: Ad hominem

Ad hominem — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:47:34 -0800

The man was a genius, He crammed the flavor of a Big Mac into a chip, molecular gastonomy at it's finest!

By: cjorgensen

cjorgensen — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:48:03 -0800

Man, this feels like FARK. Carry on.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:48:28 -0800

no dip? You should be locked up for even suggesting such blasphemy.

By: ofthestrait

ofthestrait — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:48:34 -0800

Somehow I doubt that today's Doritos are at all similar to Doritos at the moment of their creation, except superficially.

By: Fizz

Fizz — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:48:44 -0800

I see "tastes like ass" is still the #1 seller. You shut your face. Doritos, a slice of cheese, mustard, and two pieces of bread have gotten me through some tough university times. The poor-man's sandwich my friend. He will be missed. .

By: kinnakeet

kinnakeet — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:49:14 -0800

Doritos are not scary or particularly unnatural (other than some of their flavorings). They're notable as they took something which much of southern North and Central America were already consuming on a daily basis--tortillas--and put them into the salty hands of mainstream America (and other countries, I see). Good for this guy. He rode the great crunchy wave, and it sounds like he had a nice long ride. .

By: birdherder

birdherder — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:50:52 -0800

Finally selling this on this side of the border.. Wouldn't be possible w/o the original. And for that I say mil gracias.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:51:13 -0800

I was at a wedding of two well-known mefites and one of the refreshments offered was Doritos. Those two are probably deep in mourning by now.

By: matt_od

matt_od — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:54:28 -0800

∆

By: janerica

janerica — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:56:22 -0800

During the graveside service, his family has plans to toss Doritos chips in "before they put the dirt over the urn"... Is it wrong that reading this sentence made me really want doritos?

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:56:27 -0800

Doritos and cottage cheese, I'm telling you, is a taste sensation. We ate it yesterday and now will again tonight in Mr. West's honor. ∆ indeed.

By: Foci for Analysis

Foci for Analysis — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:56:57 -0800

Centuries from now archaeologists will present their theory of 21st century burial rites and how the most power and rich were buried with magical food items to consume in the after-life. They will submit that Dorito Man must have been a powerful king to be buried with so much of the food that followed him to the grave. Years later an artisanal food creation neutral network will try to reproduce the complex flavors of the Holy Dori-To only to end up with the flavor of tobacco; it's a huge success.

By: griphus

griphus — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:56:58 -0800

Future archaeologists are going to dig him up in 1000 years, perfectly preserved thanks to the chips. Then we'll see who spent their life eating "junk" food. Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? I believe the answer is "Ghoul Ranch."

By: Clyde Mnestra

Clyde Mnestra — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:56:58 -0800

His neighbors will undoubtedly complain of the noise.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:57:06 -0800

I was in Flushing (a predominantly Chinese and Korean section of Queens) awhile back and in a snack shop, I found some Garlic Flavored Doritos that we badass. Haven't seen 'em since.

By: ignignokt

ignignokt — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:57:58 -0800

After the apocalypse, people will dig him up, and these chips will become artifacts divided among the discoverers. Generations later, someone will quest to bring them all together into one giant Dorito to unleash their magic power and save the world.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:58:01 -0800

I have the most amazing urge for cool ranch chips right now and I blame you, Metafilter.

By: TheRedArmy

TheRedArmy — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:58:15 -0800

Here's a list of the 102 flavors.

By: Decani

Decani — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 09:59:23 -0800

How very unsavoury.

By: Obscure Reference

Obscure Reference — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:01:06 -0800

Personally, I'd rather be buried with packing peanuts, but since I didn't invent them, it wouldn't be appropriate.

By: tommasz

tommasz — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:01:25 -0800

Mass quantities for eternity. The stench would be great.

By: The Devil Tesla

The Devil Tesla — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:01:28 -0800

I have the most amazing urge for cool ranch chips right now and I blame you, Metafilter. Same here, and I haven't wanted Doritos in the longest time. If the marketing department thought this idea up it's brilliant.

By: TheRedArmy

TheRedArmy — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:01:41 -0800

The best of the 102 being 'Roe and Mayonnaise.'

By: Malice

Malice — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:01:52 -0800

Centuries from now archaeologists will present their theory of 21st century burial rites Will they find out information about our culture from cached AOL '95 pages? Will they call them the Dead Web Scrolls?

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:02:19 -0800

Eat all you want! He'll make m-- Oh. I suppose not. .

By: ceribus peribus

ceribus peribus — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:02:56 -0800

...buried with the chips that made him famous. Was he famous, though? We all know the chips, but I've never heard of this guy before. I don't think he was famous, not in the way that William Waldorf's hotel salad, Herman Lay's chips or the Earl of Sandwich are.

By: benzenedream

benzenedream — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:03:26 -0800

Goodbye, Mr. Chips!

By: hot_monster

hot_monster — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:03:40 -0800

Oooo. Matt_od beat me to it. Oh well...traditional. .

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:04:18 -0800

By: wallabear

wallabear — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:04:39 -0800

Doritos and cottage cheese, I'm telling you, is a taste sensation. One of my all-time favorite snacks, and so easy to make!

By: yeloson

yeloson — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:06:18 -0800

Will they find out information about our culture from cached AOL '95 pages? They'll find millions of AOL discs, and know that the cult believed that America could be transferred online and digitized, and that one's freedom was rated in "Free Hours" before payment was due. The discs were buried by the millions, so the free hours in the digital afterlife would not run short. Dorito man will have had the foresight to bring the food, for the AOL Afterlife Party.

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:06:55 -0800

If we have to be buried with that for which we are best known, I guess they'll just be throwing in one bad decision after another when they put me in the ground. I'm sure this fellow was a nice guy, but I never cared much for Doritos.

By: Mister Fabulous

Mister Fabulous — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:09:23 -0800

Doritos and cottage cheese, I'm telling you, is a taste sensation. Either Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese with sour cream. I will be eating this tonight.

By: Ad hominem

Ad hominem — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:10:09 -0800

93 Wasabi 94 Wasabi Mayo Why can't we get these in America. Any MeFites live where you can get these ? We need a MeFi snack exchange.

By: theredpen

theredpen — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:10:42 -0800

This is one of those items that if you barf it up once, you never, ever want to see, taste, or especially SMELL them ever again. Never mind how I know. I just know. Beautiful story, isn't it?

By: Pogo_Fuzzybutt

Pogo_Fuzzybutt — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:13:08 -0800

I was just a little buck, and it was derby day. Dad and me and Daryl out on San Pablo bay. Taco flavored Doritos and an orange life vest. Dad caught a 100lb sturgeon on 10lb test....

By: JPD

JPD — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:14:23 -0800

Here's a list of the 102 flavors. I picture a young rebel w/out a cause type walking out of his office muttering in anger after his brilliant blue cheese and cod milt dorito flavor was turned down by the suits in Dallas "I gotta get to Asia, they'll appreciate my genius there"

By: janepanic

janepanic — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:14:40 -0800

69 Seaweed I would like to second the snack exchange. I have access to Kinder Eggs.

By: dvdgee

dvdgee — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:16:16 -0800

There's not much in life better than Turkish Doritos.

By: mudpuppie

mudpuppie — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:17:47 -0800

Okay, fine, I will be THAT person. During the graveside service, his family has plans to toss Doritos chips in "before they put the dirt over the urn," West's daughter Jana Hacker told The Dallas Morning News. Laugh and snark all you want, but I find this really touching. My 92-year-old grandma passed away a few years ago. After the funeral and before the graveside service, my ~13 cousins and I (whom I never see, due to distance) all discovered that one of our predominant shared memories was the reliable stash of Hershey bars that Grandma kept around in the event of a grandkid visit. We cousins were the pallbearers, and at the graveside service the funeral director had instructed us to remove our corsages and place them on the casket after maneuvering it into place. In addition to the corsages, we all put a handful of Hershey miniatures on the casket (which made our mothers bawl). The Doritos thing may sound tacky to some, but it's a really sweet and personal gesture from the man's family, and I bet he'd appreciate it. I *know* they'll remember it fondly.

By: ErikaB

ErikaB — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:21:43 -0800

Odd coincidence for me. Just last week I learned that the inventor of Pringles asked to be cremated and buried in a Pringles can.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:23:59 -0800

i am moments away from shuffling down to the bodega in my pajamas, nose streaming horrible toxic snots, for a dorito devouring mission. CURSE YOU METAFILTER

By: JohnnyGunn

JohnnyGunn — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:24:09 -0800

While a lot of you get the urge to eat Doritos, I got the urge to light up a fat one and THEN eat bags of Doritos when I read this. God bless this man for inventing the perfect munchie munch. .

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:27:46 -0800

I was in Dublin with my wife, walking back to our hotel from a quick trip to Marks & Spencer. I get it in my head that I'm hungry and a quick snack would do. My wife is not hungry, but she's a bit thirsty. I pop into a corner shop, and lo and behold! A bag of Doritos for less than €1! On the bag it proclaims "AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FLAVOR." No, just plain ol' Doritos. Granted, they may be more authentic than Irish "salsa," which is just chunky ketchup, but that's not saying much.

By: mindsound

mindsound — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:29:02 -0800

When they dig him up, all his little undesirable bones will be at the bottom. His discoverers will argue about whether the grave really should have had more bones in it for that size grave. And they will argue about whether the bones with more, or fewer, crumbly bits are the best bones. BUT NONE WILL GAINSAY THAT THEY ARE DELICIOUS ∆

By: seanmpuckett

seanmpuckett — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:29:45 -0800

You have to lick before you eat. House rules. And sometimes the cat even lets you have some.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:30:20 -0800

Why can't we get these in America. Any MeFites live where you can get these ? Try neighborhoods with heavy Asian populations.

By: 5_13_23_42_69_666

5_13_23_42_69_666 — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:30:33 -0800

Oddly enough, a while back when a close friend of mine's aged cat passed, we buried it in my backyard, with a small bag of it's favourite flavour of doritos. So this won't be the first chip burial. (and no she didn't feed it chips all the time - just little tastes, because the cat went nuts for them)

By: The 10th Regiment of Foot

The 10th Regiment of Foot — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:31:12 -0800

My god, his breath must be TERRIBLE!

By: BigHeartedGuy

BigHeartedGuy — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:32:15 -0800

21 orange fingered salute!

By: 5_13_23_42_69_666

5_13_23_42_69_666 — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:32:41 -0800

who that cat's? I bet, he has been buried for 2 years

By: griphus

griphus — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:34:52 -0800

∆ ∆∆ ∆∆∆ ∆∆∆∆ ∆∆∆∆∆ ∆∆∆∆∆∆ ∆∆∆∆∆∆∆ ∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆ ∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆ The Great Pyramid of Nacho Cheese-a.

By: Foam Pants

Foam Pants — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:35:56 -0800

At the visitation, friends and family will serve bags of Doritos and cans of Mountain Dew. Joints and videogame consoles will be available.

By: mindsound

mindsound — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:36:56 -0800

... geez, I'm sniffling a tiny bit. I grew up on Doritos. They were my discouraged junk food as a kid and they are my emotional comfort food as an adult. Now my 3-year-old daughter searches the house every morning in case I left some "daddy crumbles" out. This guy invented my wonderful awful escapist food and now I'm actually sad. Rest in peace, man.

By: chavenet

chavenet — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:47:18 -0800

People, you are missing the big story here: this man invented Doritos and yet lived to be 97. There's hope yet.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:47:41 -0800

i am moments away from shuffling down to the bodega in my pajamas, nose streaming horrible toxic snots, for a dorito devouring mission. You have a bodega in your pajamas? That must be super convenient.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:48:48 -0800

byt the end he was more chip than man

By: jonmc

jonmc — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:49:16 -0800

Not for the bodgea. Pants are a bad neighborhood. Full of assholes.

By: pianomover

pianomover — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:51:07 -0800

Buried by weight not volume.

By: mazola

mazola — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:51:15 -0800

I always assumed Avery Schreiber invented Doritos.

By: zippy

zippy — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:56:35 -0800

Man, imagine the burial if he had been the inventor of pop rocks.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:57:22 -0800

I wonder how they'll memorialize CheetosFucker when his time comes.

By: TheRedArmy

TheRedArmy — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:58:59 -0800

True to form, the coffin was way too big. Half of it was practically just filled with air!

By: LionIndex

LionIndex — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 10:59:08 -0800

Why can't we get these in America. Any MeFites live where you can get these ? We need a MeFi snack exchange. I am here to report from my trip to Spain that they have jamon flavored Pringles all over the place there. I didn't try them.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:01:33 -0800

I am here to report from my trip to Spain that they have jamon flavored Pringles all over the place there. I didn't try them. I wish had the ability to see weird foreign snack food products without buying them, it would have saved me buying a lot of terrible potato chips every time I leave the US. Seriously, roasted chicken? FUCK YOU CANADA.

By: Beardman

Beardman — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:04:15 -0800

The Great Pyramid of Nacho Cheese-a. One of the lesser Fall tracks.

By: dirtdirt

dirtdirt — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:05:25 -0800

I used to LOVE Doritos. I thought that I did, but I knew not of love, until one afternoon I was at Derek's house and his mom gave us what was clearly a bag of Doritos, but the bag was blue and black. Cool Ranch Doritos! They were so good, SO good. My mind reeled as I stuffed more and more in my face - I simply could not comprehend that someone had set out to improve the most perfect food in the world, and had actually succeeded. Reach for the stars, baby! Then, of course, they improved them AGAIN. Not with a new taste, but with a new (and very much appreciated) safety feature. Rounded off points! The fucking chips were so good that I'd push them in my mouth faster than I could deal with and end up gouging jagged meat-trenches into my soft palate. The rounded corners have saved me so much pain and suffering.

By: Pruitt-Igoe

Pruitt-Igoe — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:07:16 -0800

Hey, it's just like this stupid commercial. It's even dumber than I remember.

By: Chichibio

Chichibio — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:09:00 -0800

So long and thanks for all the (delicious, delicious Cool Ranch) calories. .

By: Ad hominem

Ad hominem — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:12:27 -0800

Only 1 shrimp and mayo Doritos left on amazon. But plenty of Chicken and Salsa You can sign up to be notified when Ceasar Salad and Gourmet Sausage and Soy Sauce and Mayo become available I am personally excited about Croque Monsieur so I've signed up.

By: valkyryn

valkyryn — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:12:40 -0800

"...as if millions of stoners cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I feel something terrible has happened."

By: ActingTheGoat

ActingTheGoat — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:22:08 -0800

Frito-Laid to rest

By: obscurator

obscurator — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:30:00 -0800

At around the same time [late '90's], due to the popularity of Frito-Lay's Tostitos, the unflavored Toasted Corn Doritos were discontinued.

A non-taste of what might have been...
D.I.P.

By: The Winsome Parker Lewis

The Winsome Parker Lewis — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:41:27 -0800

I've heard Taco Bell is demoing a new Dorito shell for some tacos. Sure it's garbage from a variety of angles, but part of me is intrigued. Both are guilty pleasures I'd never even considered combining.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:45:40 -0800

Oh shit! One of those snack changes I actually remember was when they went from Cool Ranch to Cooler Ranch for the Doritos. And I've been curious about the "Original" flavor ones I saw at Jon's the other day. And Cool Ranch jammed into a PB&J sandwich is flat-out awesome. Final note of awesomeness: In Amsterdam, instead of calling them Cool Ranch, they call them Cool American. Which made my brother and I feel like the most badass stoners in the world.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:50:35 -0800

Gotta salute a Real American.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:51:16 -0800

Oh, and the Natural Ranch ones if you can ever find them are far, far more delicious than they have any right to be.

By: Ad hominem

Ad hominem — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:53:20 -0800

Taco bell with Doritos shell

By: griphus

griphus — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:58:45 -0800

IN MY MOUTH RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

By: dirigibleman

dirigibleman — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:07:30 -0800

People, you are missing the big story here: this man invented Doritos and yet lived to be 97. Well, it said he invented them, not that he ate them. (You're either the pusher or the user, can't be both)

By: Intrepid

Intrepid — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:08:40 -0800

Seriously, roasted chicken? FUCK YOU CANADA. We deserve that.

By: asnider

asnider — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:09:52 -0800

I never know whether to laugh or cry when I read something that sounds like it should come from the Onion but is, in fact, reality.

By: Sailormom

Sailormom — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:11:43 -0800

Les Claypool said he likes to feed a Dorito to a fish before he tosses it back into the water. He likens it to an alien abduction situation. ∆

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:50:30 -0800

From article: In 1961, while on vacation in San Diego, West tried fried tortilla chips for the first time at a local snack shack. This amazes me. A snack food executive had never eaten a tortilla chip by the age of 50? Could it be that the ubiquitous "free and bottomless at every Mexican restaurant" tortilla chip was this much of exotic food item before 1960?

By: Halloween Jack

Halloween Jack — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:53:13 -0800

dgaicun, I think that I may not have seen a Mexican restaurant, growing up in the Midwest, until I moved to Chicago in 1977. Also, let us remember him not only for the snack, but for the pubic grooming style. [NSFW and pretty hilarious]

By: ApathyGirl

ApathyGirl — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:53:58 -0800

I find this very touching, too. When I was a very little ApathyGirl, my grandmother would always have one of the little boxes of Barnum's animal crackers in her freezer for me when I would visit which the box, after devouring the contents, would be repurposed as a little purse, obviously. When she died, I snuck a box into her casket. It was the most fitting way to honor I could think of.

By: Dr. Zira

Dr. Zira — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:56:15 -0800

There is no word in the English language to accurately describe that particular feeling of regret one feels when experiencing the weird Doritos aftertaste hours after consuming them. Remember the "Late Night Taco" and "Late Night Cheeseburger" varieties that they had a few months ago? Those flavors in particular were an unnatural abomination, and yet I was compelled to eat them, for reasons only God and my taste buds know for sure, full well knowing that an hour later, my mouth would feel ashamed and dirty, like it had just had a tawdry affair a cheap hotel. Now it's that damned Sweet Chili flavor. Not as unnatural as the "Late Night" series, but it's own version of hell. I'm fairly sure the person in charge of the flavorings is Dr. Moreau.

By: MCMikeNamara

MCMikeNamara — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:58:02 -0800

Would you folks think less of someone if a few months ago, after first hearing of the Doritos shell at Taco Bell, he went to Taco Bell specifically to have it, only to be disappointed that it was just being tested at certain places, so he buys a Taco Bell taco salad so that he can take it home and make mini-Doritos shelled tacos with the ingredients? This is, of course, a hypothetical situation. A delicious hypothetical situation.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:01:11 -0800

Wadya'noe, here I thought tortilla chips were some ancient Aztec staple, but they were invented in America in the late 1940s:

"In the late 1940s, the Carranza family's Los Angeles-based El Zarape Tortilla Factory began making tortillas by machine, but at first many of the corn and flour disks were misshapen and had to be thrown away. Ms. Carranza took some of the rejects home for a party, cut them into triangles and fried them. They were a huge hit with her guests and she began selling them for 10 cents a bag. By the 1960s the Tort Chips, as they were called, were El Zarape's main business."

Carranza lived to 98. I'm beginning to think there is some connection between longevity and snacky innovation. I'd better go start coating things in chocolate and cheese until I stumble on something great.

By: epersonae

epersonae — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:15:29 -0800

Natural Ranch - if they're anywhere as good as the Natural Cheetos, I bet they are tastier than they have any right to be. I might have to pick some up. When I first saw them, I thought Natural Cheetos were the stupidest oxymoron name I'd ever seen...but damn...so tasty.

By: Specklet

Specklet — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:23:24 -0800

The Natural Doritos are freaking delicious. I swear they taste better than the regular ones. R.I.D. (Rest In Doritos), Mr. West.

By: Space Kitty

Space Kitty — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:26:19 -0800

So, did any of you actually click on birdherder's link? I'll wait here. Porcine Free. I don't think I've laughed so hard at marketing speak since fat free water became a thing. ∆

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:43:59 -0800

Porcine Free. I'm guessing that means It's (not really) kosher!

By: machaus

machaus — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:47:00 -0800

not walking tacos. for cannibals.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 15:01:52 -0800

At my grandmother's wake, she was laid out with a nosegay, a handful of flowers, in her hands. The next morning, as we went to close the casket before the funeral, all of us suddenly realized that my brother had switched the nosegay with several huge sprigs of parsley, her favorite herb--fresh from her garden. We all began laughing and it was a nice tribute to her.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 15:03:14 -0800

Also: you wouldn't believe what some people bury folks with. Liquor, smokes, cheeseburgers, guns, iPhones...I've seen just about everything. We even buried a guy with his motorcycle. True story.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 15:29:19 -0800

Jerk stole my idea.

By: Halloween Jack

Halloween Jack — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 15:36:37 -0800

GG Allin in his coffin.

By: toodleydoodley

toodleydoodley — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 17:04:25 -0800

. godspeed Mr. West. otoh obligatory and obligatory

By: floam

floam — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 17:39:14 -0800

OK these aren't Doritos but I'm terribly hooked. I just needed to type this out and put it out there. Frankly this is a cry for help. Zapp's Spicy Creole Tomato spiked with Tobasco Sauce.

By: 4ster

4ster — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 18:34:18 -0800

My grandmother used to say "They taste awful, but you just can't stop eating them."

By: Redhush

Redhush — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 18:54:00 -0800

Nacho cheese Doritos, Dr. Pepper through a silly straw from the 2 liter bottle on the floor by my bed and a pile of excellent books was my summer vacation for several years in my youth. Praise whatever gods there may be that they hadn't invented the Hot wings and Blue Cheese collision flavor back then or I may never have come out of my room again

By: DoctorFedora

DoctorFedora — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 19:18:33 -0800

I had some grilled-squid-with-soy-sauce Doritos here in Japan several weeks ago they were appalling no one was surprised

By: sardonyx

sardonyx — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 19:48:03 -0800

Years ago I had a brief summer job in a plant that produced, among other things, Doritos. Now I never had a taste for those chips -- they weren't my snack of choice -- but after working there, I swore I'd never, ever eat them even if I were starving with no other food options available. The chips were made in one part of the plant, but they were packaged in another area of the building. In order to get the chips from the manufacturing location to the packaging location, they were dumped into larger metal troughs/hoppers that ran along the ceiling of the plant. The troughs/hoppers/call-them-what-you-will shook from side to side, thereby moving the chips along their merry way. Now the problem with Doritos is that they have that nasty, smelly powdery coating on them, and as you shake them, the coating comes off and it sticks to the sides of the troughs. So after years of making these chips, you'd think the company would have found a high-tech, efficient way to clean the hoppers. Right? Think again. The solution (at that time -- I have no idea what the current procedure is) was to get somebody -- when I was there it was typically one of the summer students -- to place a large, clear plastic garbage bag over each leg and over each arm and crawl inside the troughs. Then, while inching along on hands and knees, wipe the Doritos powder off the bottom and sides of the trough. Besides the paper towel the lucky cleaner would have a trowel to use to scrape the flavour coatings off the trough. Of course since the troughs were designed to move, they'd sway and shake as the employee inched along the route. And keep in mind this was all done at a height. After you were finished you'd smell like Doritos. The odour gets in your skin and in your hair and is hard to wash out. To this day, just the smell of Doritos is enough to make me want to run for the hills.

By: floam

floam — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 20:59:40 -0800

God damn, sardonyx. I wonder how many of these summer students go on to develop Dorito Lung?

By: Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese

Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 22:26:51 -0800

Dorito Lung? I hope that's one of the 102 flavors.

By: acyeager

acyeager — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 22:58:29 -0800

Fark Headline: Creator of Doritos dead at 97 of nachoral causes

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 05:45:10 -0800

The best of the 102 being 'Roe and Mayonnaise.' NonononoNO. The best has got to be BACON flavor. We need a MeFi snack exchange. I would absolutely be down with this.

By: 4ster

4ster — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 06:01:15 -0800

The best of the 102 being 'Roe and Mayonnaise.' Wasn't Roe and Mayonnaise the duet who sang "Reunited" back in the 70s?

By: Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 08:21:36 -0800

I've already been associating Doritos with "Throw them down a hole and bury them" and "Death" for some time now. The living don't need them, and they can do no further harm to the dead. .

By: Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 08:36:57 -0800

Future archaeologists are going to dig him up in 1000 years, perfectly preserved thanks to the chips. Then we'll see who spent their life eating "junk" food. New flavor: Natron. Because one should think of a shriveled, unnaturally-colored corpse when thinking about synth-flavored industrial snack-chips.

By: troublewithwolves

troublewithwolves — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 10:16:59 -0800

Animals Eating Doritos

By: Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 11:00:59 -0800

Animals Eating Doritos Still doesn't make it food.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 17:42:41 -0800

acyeager: "Fark Headline: Creator of Doritos dead at 97 of nachoral cause" Sweet Jesus, I wish I had thought of that.

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