"You know what I don't understand? Having to drink cat milk to survive. Sure, it's easier to take it upstairs than a cow when it's time to go to bed, but it's just that I'm not a cat person. Why not some comically oversized pill? I take 15 pills a day for all sorts of other things, what's one more? 100 centuries since the space age began, and all science can do is get a cat to do a man's job.
Even though it's keeping me alive, I'm just not connecting with this cat. I named him 'Steve', but the cat couldn't care less. I just can't have a conversation with a cat like I can with a dog. The cat just looks unhappy all the time. Maybe because they are more aware of what's going on. But if it were a dog, they'd be happy to see me when I came in the room, no matter what awful thing the Baron had it hooked up to. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. A beagle would be nice. Why can't science get with me on this?"
"Homosexuals everywhere were furious with my insensitive remark. Their argument was that I shoud have said that it was "unsafe sex," not "homosexual union," that led to AIDS. In retrospect I agreed i shouldn't have put it that way but it was too late.
A reporter for a gay magazine called The Advocate called and I talked to him at length. When is article appeared he quoted me as saying "blacks have watered down their genes." It isn't anything I would have said, and doesn't sound like anything I would have said--but there it was in print. What I had said, which was probably inadvisable, was that I thought we might be in danger of diminishing our collective I.Q. in this country because the dumbest Americans were having the most babies. I did not say, or mean, that they were necessarily black.
The President of CBS News, David Burke, took the word of the reporter for the magazine over mine and suspended me for three months. While I never really believed my absence caused the decline, 60 Minutes ratings sunk. It was a lucky coincidence for me and my suspension was suspended after three weeks..."
"As much as I love my work here, I could get out of the Ady Rooney busines tomorrow and have a great time...if I could leave here with my reputation.
What do I say to defend myself? Do I say, "I am not a racist." That sounds like Nixon saying, "I am not a crook."
How do I apologize to homosexuals for hurting them with a remark I didn't realize would hurt them?
It's demeaning to have ot sit here and defend myself. In the Army in World War II, I was infuriated to find that black soldiers had to sit in the back of the bus. I got on a bus in St. Augustine one day to go back to Camp Blanding and I insisted on sitting in the back with the black guys. I was arrested.
In 1970 I set out, with a camera crew, to find out what happened to the man who was twice tried for the murder of that great civil rights leader, Medgar Evers. I was arrested and dragged into court in Jackson, Mississippi, by two redneck sheriffs who didn't like what we were doing.
I wrote a broadcast called Of Black America for bill Cosby in 1968 that I'm proud of. In 1970 I wrote the show called Harry and Lena for Harry Belafonte and Lena Horne. I like Lena better than Harry. Does that make me a feminist?
My son says that one of the worst experiences of his young life was the night I asked a guest to leave our house because he kept using the word, "nigger."
I'd feel the same today if anyone used an insulting word about homosexuals.
Dr. Benjamin Hooks, the director of the NAACP, said earlier in the week that he knew I was not a racist. I liked that a whole lot....
And now comes the hard part. What do I do to justify the action David Burke, the president of CBS News, has taken in putting me back on the air? What do I do about the kind words heaped on me by friends and stranges? It's overwhelming. How do I live up to such praise? Let's face it, even on the nights when I'm good, I'm not that good."
Does anyone have an example of anything worthwhile Andy Rooney has ever said? If so, I'd love to see it.
''I did not say, nor would I ever have thought, that blacks have watered down their genes,'' he said in a telephone interview. ''It is a know-nothing statement, which I abhor. I am a reporter and essayist who has established his credibility over a period of more than 40 years. People know what I think. I do not think blacks are inferior.
My policy with wine is very similar to my policy with beer, which is I just pretty much drink it and look around for more. The people at my table, on the other hand, leaned more toward the slosh- and-sniff approach, where you don't so much drink the wine as you frown and then make a thoughtful remark about it such as you might make about a job applicant ("I find it ambitious, but somewhat strident." Or: "It's lucid, yes, but almost Episcopalian in its predictability.") As it happened, I was sitting next to a French person named Mary, and I asked her if people in France carry on this way about wine. "No, " she said, "they just drink it. They're more used to it."
« Older Martian Life's Last Stand in the Trenches?... | The once-secret Anti-Counterfe... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
Buy a Shirt